Chapter Text
Bucky could remember a lot of the people he killed when he was the winter soldier, but his main problem was with remembering someone he didn't.
It happened not long before he had ran into steve, the day that everything changed. He was set on a rather important mission, find a girl named Darrow Carson and bring her back to the hydra base. It was easy. Too easy.
The girl, young and scared had put up a fight as best she could. She kicked and screamed but it was no use. No one could hear her, no one would come and even if they did, no one could stop the winter soldier.
Bucky could remember he knocked her out on the way to the base because of her seemingly unending energy and need to scratch and bite at his skin, though it didn't hurt him, it was annoying, even for a brainless super soldier.
The winter soldier had completed the mission successfully and that should have been the end. He didn't need to think about who the girl was or why hydra would need her, he would just get ready for the next mission, the next target, the next instruction to blindly follow.
After the mission, bucky wasnt sure how long after, time had warped and bucky had lost sense of it a long time ago. A hydra agent brought the girl into the room with him. She had blood on her hands and the man grasping her by the hair was also covered in her blood. Some of it old some of it new. The woman was broken. That was the only way to explain her. Her bones and her will. Broken.
"This, is the winter soldier" the hydra agent said in a voice that would be used to speak to a young child. He pulled on the girls hair and she nodded quickly, at his statement. "Now since you didn't answer our questions, we thought we would leave you with him, just for the night" his Russian accent drawled thick but she seemed to hear him clearly. He pushed her to the floor and left the room.
She lay on the floor for a moment, she sighed as she lay on the cold surface. Her mind seemed to snap out of what ever phase it was in and she sprawled around till she sat up right. She cried and begged and clasped onto the hydra agent as if he was a life line. She stared at him with pure, unfiltered fear as she screamed for the guards not to leave her there.
"Do what you please, soldier." The command was strange for a few reasons. Hydra agents almost always spoke to him in Russian, also commands were normally straightforward, this command was abstract. What did they want him to do? He didn't please to do anything except follow instructions.
She was shaking pressed against the door the men left through, they had kicked her inside so they could close the door. She looked like a small animal trying to stay hidden, maybe that's how she felt.
The winter soldier was sitting on a bench. In a room with nothing but said bench and a door. She would not escape. She would not survive. Unless he let her of course though bucky had little control in the big picture. What if he wanted to set her free? Would they let him if it was what he 'pleased'?
"Please," She whispered. It was truly a wisper even in the deadly silent room bucky wondered if he would have heard it if he were not a super soldier. What was she asking him to do? He hadn't done anything. He stared at her, trying to figure out what he wanted.
He hadn't made a decision based on his own accords for a long time.
"What?" His voice came out in a rough grunt, surprising him self. When was the last time he had spoken? Was it when he gave the mission report about bring her here? He couldn't remember.
"Please, don't kill me." Her voice cracked and she sobbed at the end. He could kill her in an instant. She was unarmed. Her only possession was her tatered and torn clothes. She was helpless and she knew that.
"Why?" The winter soldier was not permitted to ask questions. He would have been hit or tased for this by anyone else. Speaking to her was like a fresh breath. No mission report's or electrocutions. Maybe this was what he pleased. His words seemed to have a negative effect because she shook and sobbed while hiding her head between her knees.
"I- i haven't done anything- I have a family," She whimpered. He wondered if her family knew he had taken her. Would they have tried to stop him? Maybe they did try he couldn't remember. He looked at her. She didn't look older than 25. Does her family miss her. Does his family miss him ? Does he have a family? He couldn't remember.
"Ok" he huffed. She looked at him with wide eyes. He tilted her head looking at him. Could she read his mind? He wouldnt be surprised. Was that a thing people could do? If someone could read his mind what would they see in his head? He couldn't even read his own mind.
"You're... not going to kill me?" She sat up straight with her legs crossed. She looked at him with a confident sort of confusion. He wanted to keep speaking to her, her voice was damaged but soft compared to the usual voices he would hear.
"No."
"Why?"
"Because?" The winter soldier hadn't had a conversation like this before. Was he doing it right? Would the soldiers come in and punish him anyway?
"Whats your name?" She asked softy. How had she gone from a terrified, shaking girl to this? He liked her a lot. He hoped the hydra agents wouldn't take her away.
"The Winter Soldier," this seemed to be the wrong answer Because she grimaced slightly.
"No, your real name?"
"What?
"What is your real name?" She wasn't making sense. That was his name. Mabey she wanted his project key. 'Project:32F'.
"Never mind. I've heard about you. They tell stories about you in shield. A lot of people think you don't exist. When I saw you... I thought I was done for to be honest." She laughed breathily but winced and clutched her side.
He moved off the bench towards her, the movement was calculated and precise but she flinched backwards the fear returned in her expression. He felt himself wanting it to disappear.
"Look, i-i don't know anything about sheild, they don't tell their agents anything. If its information you want, I don't have it."
He reached his hand out to her slowly. He lifted her top slightly to look at the dark bruising underneath. She was breathing frantically as he was so close to her. He reached out again and touched her arm. It jolted slightly and both of them flinched back as if the touch had burned them.
The Winter Soldier hadn't touched someone gently before. Had he done it wrong? She looked at him trying to decider his expression. He brought his hand up and touched her hair. It was long and matted with blood but he still touched it.
She opened her mouth to speak but the door began to open as two hydra agent burst into the room. The winter soldier had managed to sit back on the bench and the men looked at him confused.
"He didnt do anything!" One man shouted and other just huffed while he roughly grabbed the woman. He held her tightly as if she would make a run for it even thought the door was closed.
"Up. Follow us." They command him, and he obeyed, more like the soldier she had heard fleeting wispers about than before. The four of them made there way down the corridor, no-one talking. The two soldiers were taking him to a room he hadn't been In before as far as he remembered. It was a bright white room with scientists and a few agents crowded into it.
In the middle of the room was a table, with restraint. The two men dragged the woman towards it and she started to kick and scratch and scream but eventually they got her down. After their success they spoke into the radio and a man The Winter soldier knew, entered the room. Alexander Peirce.
He looked at the woman, he stood so close he was looking straight down at her, probably what he intended. She tried to writhe away from him but the restraints held up."hello Miss Carson, I don't believe we've met."