Chapter Text
Blossom and bloom
Brighten the room
Spencer had been happy, before Tobias Hankel. At the start, that’s what had hurt the most.
Before that cabin he'd had the job he spent his whole life dreaming of, one that put his mind to work and let him change people’s lives for the better. He’d had friends - his team, people who knew him, who liked being around him.
For the first time in his life he’d had money and stability and community, his brain finally kept in check by it all.
And Tobias had ruined it.
Only he knows that’s not quite accurate. If he spends long enough thinking about it, if he fights his way down to the fundamental technicalities of that night, he knows he can find a way to blame himself.
He’s the one who’d gone off alone, who’d run into a dark cornfield without backup. He’s the one who’d made impulsive mistakes, escalated the situation.
He's the one who'd ruined it all.
Tobias had been ill. Reid was supposed to have helped him.
In the hospital, all he can think about are the vials still in his pocket, his bloodstained trousers rolled up and tucked down to the bottom of a personal effects bag. He thinks of it in a storage area in the hospital, waiting for him.
He’s detoxing right now. It’d come up in his preliminary tests, the high levels of opioids in his system. He'd spoken to the doctors about it. He’s on medicine to help, and it’s not too bad.
Everyone knows, though. Everyone knows why he’s sweating and shaking and why he can’t keep any food down.
They know everything else, too. It's all he can see in their faces when they visit, sitting at his bedside with poorly disguised pity in their eyes.
They’d seen the footage. They’d seen him beaten, crying, begging for help.
He thinks of Elle a lot, those first few days. She'd been far stronger than him, and far more experienced.
She never came back from it.
He won't be able to cope with this. He just knows it. So for now he fixates on the vials in his pocket, and he waits to be released.