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today's “Void” was off.
tempo, pitch, chemistry, you name it, it just sounded “wrong”.
for 4 years togenashi togeari had ended their shows with the diamond dust classic as the fanfares grew smaller, and then larger, but larger in the way a washed out legacy act gets playing their one big hit. as time went on fewer and fewer members of the audience were here to see “togenashi togeari” so much as to see “momoka, formerly of diamond dust”. an inevitable thing happens when a band takes off in popularity the way diamond dust has. you get pearl clutchers and contrarians who insist some older, less popular, less polished version of the group is the real thing, and everything after is decidedly fake and corporate. so was the case as togetoge became the “stand in” for the “good old” diamond dust. being a tribute act wasn't all that bad, at least as far as Nina iseri was concerned.
the bartender flashed her a smile as she approached.
“you want me to cut her off again?” he asked.
Nina sighed. “when I don't have to ask you to do it for me, it'll be easier on all of us.”
the bar man laughed. “young love, huh? you just can't say no to your gal”.
Nina hushed him as an audience member approached them.
“Uhhh…Iseri…San? was it?” she murmured.
“Hi, what can I do for ya?” Nina flashed the fake grin she had gotten concerning good at making appear earnest and wholehearted.
the girl panicked slightly and Nina could see her choosing her words carefully.
“I have a poster…I was hoping I could get it signed.”
“A togetoge poster? we don't have any at the merch table. but sure if ya brought your own.”
she panicked further and flushed red.
“Actually it's a diamond dust poster and I was hoping you could get it to Momoka for m-nevermind I’m sorry. I should find her myself.”
the girl panicked and scampered away like a rat in an alley as Nina sighed.
“Anyway, take out the trash for me.” she gestured to the bartender who mocked a salute.
She walked outside and popped her head into the van to see Rupa and Tomo pouring over spreadsheets and Subaru dozing off in the backseat. Things weren't going well in the financial department, she didn't need to ask.
“If you're looking for your girlfriend, she shouted at a fan and stormed off.” Tomo stated coolly. There was a resentment in her voice more profound than ever these days. She and Rupa didn't sign up to be a legacy act, that much was for sure.
“You could at least get her to not hurt our bottom line” finished Rupa. “Or so I would say, if I was confident anyone would show up for these weeknight gigs if not for her”. Fake laughter. It was tough all around, Nina figured.
She nodded curtly and went off in search of her would be runaway bride. The idea of getting married had been a fun one, but that just wasn't a reality in Japan, not now anyway. After they had the discussion 6 months prior about going to another country to seal the deal, Momoka had balked.
“Yeah, it's not that I don't wanna, it's just…..” she had trailed off.
“Would you really want it to be me?” she asked.
Nina kicked her in the shin.
“Idiot. What do you think I've been doing all these years following behind you if it wasn't always going to be you?”
That day had been a bit of an all too brief turning point. The band kicked out of autopilot and TogeToge recorded an album 1 month ago today that was due for release in a week. Pre-orders hadn't been too hot but their last album sold well at shows. Nina was cautiously optimistic. Performing new songs was always a delight to her. No one in the crowd knew them, and half of them weren't interested, but the joy of creation flowed through her. “We did this together” was how it felt, a feeling absent from the Diamond Dust retreads she had once loved so dearly.
Nina’s thoughts were interrupted as she found Momoka puking her guts out in a back alley.
“I’m not holding your hair” she shouted, to get her attention.
Momoka looked up.
Ni-” she started before throwing up again.
“Don't act too excited to see me.” Nina joked.
Momoka nodded.
“The rest of the band is in the van, did you wanna head out? I'll be driving”
“What? I’m fine, gimme the keys” Momoka pleaded but Nina flatly refused.
“After we drop the other girls off at home you can tell me what happened with this fan you shouted at.” Nina had a sneaking suspicion of which one it was.
Momoka sulked and kicked dirt. “You heard about that huh?”.
“Rupa mentioned it. C’mon, we're not getting any younger.” Nina turned towards the van.
“You can say that again” Momoka murmured.
The van ride was deathly quiet, save for Subaru’s snoring. She hardly stirred until she was dragged out of the van, at which point she sleepily returned to her apartment. Tomo and Rupa bid their farewell very matter of factly as they too left the van.
No sooner than they had started driving home again, Momoka piped up.
“She reminded me of you, you know.” she murmured, clearly thinking hard about something.
“Who did?” Nina questioned.
“The fan. Came to me all excited with a Diamond Dust poster and started asking me if I would ever do a reunion tour with them. Yeah right, like they need me.”
“She didn't know what she was getting herself into. Real hornets nest.” Momoka continued. “I can't blame her for not knowing about the bad blood but I couldn't help but see a bit of the way you used to stick your nose where it didn't belong, you know?”
“Gee, thanks” Nina said. “I’m glad you think so fondly of your dear girlfriend”
“I said used to!!” Momoka raised her voice slightly. “It was endearing. You're all grown up now. You're a lot like I was back then. You even talk the same sometimes.”
Nina rolled her eyes. “And yet you shouted at her anyway, what should I make of that? A little wishful thinking, wishing you could knock some sense into me?”
“Something like that. I just needed her to know I’ve got my reasons for how things turned out.”
“Reasons huh…” Nina said wistfully. “Do you ever wish we’d stayed with the record label?”
“Of course I don’t. Do you?” Momoka asked in a way that was surprisingly genuine.
Nina pulled the van over and parked it in the garage in the house they shared. It was a rental and it wasn't in the best shape but having a place that was all their own was worth it.
As Nina prepared to go inside, she answered Momoka’s question. “Sometimes”.
Momoka grabbed a beer from the fridge and flopped onto the couch.
“Drinking more? Need I remind you you were throwing up not 35 minutes ago?” Nina asked.
“That was a different thing. Had some bad sushi.” Momoka pleaded.
Nina groaned and slammed the fridge shut.
“Can you please just talk to me without being so drunk you can barely stand just once?”
Momoka sat silent for what felt like a full minute but was probably just a few seconds.
“When did you get so responsible?” she asked.
“I've kind of needed to be Momoka. God knows you won't.”
The flood gates were open. The tension that had permeated the night broke loose.
“Not this again”. She cracked open her beer and started drinking.
Nina yanked it out of her hand, cutting her lip in the process.
“WHAT THE FUCK?” Momoka shouted.
Nina started to apologize but it was too late. Momoka unleashed a tirade that felt like a wave washed over her.
“Do you know what kind of pressure I’m under? You follow my every lead and look at me like the sun shines out of my ass and I have to try to hold it together for you, for the fans, for Rupa and Tomo, for all of them. I never asked to be your idol or your hero or your savior. I never asked to do this for the rest of my life, and I never asked to drag you down with me. I even told the others that were splitting up the band after this album because I can't watch you throw your life away like I did!!! why can't you understand?”
Nina caught something she probably wasn't supposed to hear at the end of that.
“You said what to the others?”
Realization dawned on Momoka as she realized she'd slipped up.
“I-I meant to tell you too, this week at the release party. I just…kept putting it off. I….really didn't want to let you down but I can't do this anymore. I can't do this to YOU anymore.”
Nina slapped her. As Momoka looked up at her Nina looked in her eyes and said 3 words. “You're bleeding. Idiot.”
Momoka’s lip was gushing blood from having the can ripped out of her mouth and Nina pressed her lips to the wound as Momoka returned the gesture and kissed Nina deeply.
Momoka shoved Nina onto the couch and collapsed on top of her, fumbling with the buttons on her top and pulling it off as Nina continued to kiss at the bleeding lip while undressing herself meekly.
Momoka’s clothes were soon in a crumpled pile on the floor next to Nina’s as Momoka kissed Nina’s neck while Nina pulled her hair.
“Stupid.” Nina said. “Stupid stupid Momoka”
“Easy on the degradation play babe” said Momoka.
“Why do you keep all this in like this” she said, grabbing Momoka’s breast and fondling it tightly, gasping and moaning as Momoka sucked on her neck and left bruises along her collarbone.
“It’s not like I can't hear the songs” Nina continues. “It's not like” Nina pauses to moan. “It's not like I don't know you're hurting but I wish it wasn't just between you and the music and the beer.”
Momoka grabbed on to Nina’s hips and began to migrate south, kissing her delicate skin the whole way down, speaking softly and breathily to punctuate each kiss.
“What kind of hero would I be if I asked my biggest fan for help?”
Nina moaned as Momoka’s lips reached between her legs and she began to expertly attack Nina in the way only she could. Momoka may not have been great at talking things out but her tongue was skilled in other ways.
“Shut up and” Nina moaned “Keep going”
“Shut up and keep going huh? A little contradictory but I think I can oblige”
There were only two scenarios Momoka was fully confident with Nina, on the stage and in the bedroom. The girl had a way of catching her off guard, but it was hard to do that when her concern and frustration melted away under the persistent rhythm of Momoka’s tongue against her clit.
“You’re such an idiot…” Nina whimpered grabbing the back of Momoka’s head and pushing it into her crotch and clamping her thighs around Momoka’s head.
“But your idiot, right, Nina?” Momoka winked, applying pressure with her tongue after the muffled words escaped.
“Something like that” said Nina, wrapping her legs all the way around Momoka.
Around the time Momoka needed to come up for air, Nina finished again. It was the third time, which was a new personal best for Momoka.
“If I didn't know better I’d say the violence gets you going” Momoka said with a smug grin as Nina grabbed her by the ponytail and planted her head onto the couch. So much for not catching me off guard here, Momoka thought, as Nina began to desperately ride her face and Momoka obliged her wishes and put her tongue back to work.
“Dont. Ever. Say. I’m Just. A. Fan.” Nina said, moaning and gasping between words as she thrust herself against Momoka’s mouth. “Unless you’re saying you do this with your fans, in which case I have to reconsider this relationship”
Momoka couldn't exactly speak in this position so she asserted her agreement the way she knew best, sliding her tongue around Nina’s pussy and breathing heavily against her skin. Nina panted as she reached another orgasm and collapsed in Momoka’s arms on the floor.
“Don’t break up the band.” Nina whispered softly into the night, her warmth enveloped in Momoka’s grasp.
Momoka laughed.
“Are you sure? I wanted to get a proper job and stop playing at being rockstars so we could afford to go somewhere and get married. So I could be a better wife.”
“That's what this is all about?” Nina asked.
“‘Fraid so” giggled Momoka.
“It's the Momoka that lives for being on stage that I fell in love with and wanted to marry. So if you gave that up I would have to decline. I apologize.” her tone said she was joking but her eyes said she wasn't.
“Then we'll take it as far as we can go. Or as far as Rupa and Tomo will come with us.” Momoka laughed as Nina drifted off to sleep, whispering “Then we'll go on our….own”
“Goodnight, Nina” Momoka yawned as the alcohol claimed her consciousness as well. These days were dark but she had a feeling tomorrow would be a shade brighter.