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Theo didn't know what he was doing here. He had let his mind guide his steps, not caring about where he would end up, as long as he wasn’t alone, and was now in front of a random bar. His heart and mind longed for a lively space and not the lonely space of the rooftop apartment on the last floor of a skyscraper. A convenient way to watch over humanity, as God said.
All the negativity, pollution and anxiety of the population weighed on him. Under it all, he felt like he was drowning, absorbing against his will all the emotions in this overcrowded city. He was ordered to watch over the city. But it was becoming too overwhelming to bear tonight. He had to go out, breath and exhale. Take a breath of fresh air and to feel free. To remember the lingering old feeling of the nightlife, the laughter of an evening spent with friends and the euphoria of if all when he was still human.
A life he couldn’t help but miss. As an angel, his past life had to be erased from his mind and eventually it was. For example, he couldn’t remember his childhood and school days. The faces of his loved ones, once imprinted in his mind, were now foggy. He couldn’t remember what they looked like. Only the heartfelt memories remained.
His glanced around the room. The bar was beautifully decorated, bathe in shades of purple and blue. The music was surprisingly not too loud, and the atmosphere was cozy. The space was a bit cramped and small, but the bar owner had arranged the space as efficiently as possible as everything seemed to fit in its rightful place.
How he would have liked taking his friends and his ex-boyfriend here before he became an angel.
"Here’s your drink."
Shaking his head to dissipate his thoughts, he thanked the waiter and took a sip of his drink as he looked around the room.
Some people had already started evening with a good old bottle of soju. Others were chatting away on the side, catching up. No one paid him any attention.
People around him eased the pressure on his heart. The bar had nothing to do with his apartment, bright and colorful instead of cold with gold and white barrels, little furniture and no personal belongings. It took his mind somewhere else, to a life where he didn’t have such a burden on his shoulders, where he could live his life a little more freely without the pressure of fulfilling his divine mission as a protector. Where he was allowed to feel, be selfish and think for himself as a human being could.
"Hey, can I buy you something angel?"
Theo spoke too fast. And he thought he could find peace here. Damned wrong he was apparently. Could he find peace anywhere?
Theo rolled his eyes, not bothering to look at the man taking a seat next to him, wishing he would just take the hint and get out of his face. He wasn’t in the mood to put up with any kind of flirting. The only thing he wanted was some lively space to get his mind off his mission. Which is why he chose a hidden table in the corner.
"You know, brooding like that in your corner won't help you clear your head.”
Theo frowned. How the fuck did he know? Was he that obvious or could he…?
“Why do you assume I want to clear out my mind?” He answered, still stubbornly looking straight ahead, not sparing a glance at the stranger.
“Because your beautiful face screams overthinking and loneliness from miles away.”
Theo huffed, sipping his drink a little more.
“I do not.” Irritated, he put down the glass and finally turned to the stranger, facing him directly to put a face on the annoying man.
But he hadn’t expected the man to be so attractive. Fierce brown eyes, short hair, full lips, chiseled jawline and high cheekbones. A black cap rested on top of his head. A face strangely familiar to him, and his heartbeat quickened despite himself. But no matter how hard he racked his brain, he couldn’t pinpoint where had seen this man before. His memory wouldn’t allow it.
The man smirked before the slightly surprised face he struggled to hide.
“I know something better to bring you some peace of mind.”
Theo pulled himself back together and huffed in annoyance.
“I know what those words mean, and I’m not interested. Get lost.” He groaned.
The man held up his hands as a sign of appeasement.
“Now now, let’s not get ahead of ourselves. I didn’t mean it like that.” The man said lightly, trying to appease him.
“So, what did you really want to say?” He indulged him, slightly curious about his wobbly defense.
“I just wanted to offer you a talking buddy, if you’re up for it.” Theo was surprised to detect some sincerity in his words.
Theo snorted inwardly, he knew it wasn’t his first intention, but he couldn’t sense any bad intentions towards him, only interest.
A sigh escaped his mouth. He had to admit that he wasn’t opposed to a listening ear. After all, he had come to fight his loneliness, not a stranger. Besides, he was genuinely curious to go to find out why his face was so familiar.
“Bullshit.” Theo called him out, still not sure of what to think. It was better to put up a front for now.
“I’m not lying.” The man shrugged.
Theo huffed before crossing his arms.
“What’s so interesting about me anyway?” Theo asked with a defiant look.
The stranger moved closer to his face. Surprised, Theo let out a small yelp that made the man smirk. Theo couldn’t help the sudden flush that ran down his cheeks. Fuck there was no way he wasn’t blushing with embarrassment. He was ready to defend himself, trying to make him lose that annoying smile, but he was quicker than he was.
“Apart from the fact that you will always be one of the most beautiful creatures I’ve ever seen, that halo you wear is just as distracting as you are, Taeyang.” The man replied, resting his chin on the palm of his hand and looking into his eyes with an even bigger grin.
His eyes widened and he stepped back, surprised, and slightly frightened. How did he know his former name? Only the higher ones knew his human name, not even his closest angelic friends. And more importantly, why was he speaking in the past tense? Had he already met him?
“Why are you speaking in the past tense? And h-how do you know all of this?” Theo managed to say despite his initial shock.
In a swift movement that Theo naively didn’t see coming, the man removed the cap from his head, revealing a pair of black horns on either side of his head.
Hopefully, humans couldn’t see their otherworldly part.
Theo felt stupid, his arms falling at his side, completely exhausted. He cursed himself as he should have seen this coming.
Because now he could clearly see it, the damned energy of a demon next to him. His dementor, his confidence and that slight know-it-all look on his smug face should have tipped him off.
Damn it, had all of this affected him so much that he couldn't recognize demons anymore? What a shitty angel he was. No wonder he was back here and not up there in heaven, helping other angels.
He was angry and frustrated. Angry because he hadn’t felt any demonic energy coming from the man the second, he entered, and frustrated because how the hell did this demon know him from when he was still human?
Theo clenched his fist and stared at the demon before him.
“Answer me, demon. How the hell do you know me?” He asked angrily, his nails digging into his skin. There was no risk of any humans hearing them as he’d already put a silent barrier over them.
“Huh, and here I thought angels weren’t allowed to curse?” The demon replied instead, making him see red.
Theo stood up and grabbed the collar of his shirt, bringing his face up to him.
“Answer me.” Theo almost shouted to his face, clenching his teeth.
“Woah woah calm down, angel.”
Theo clutched his shirt tighter.
“Don’t call me angel.” Theo said annoyed.
“Isn’t that what you are?” The demon replied, raising an eyebrow.
Theo ignored him, knowing it would not get him anywhere.
“Answer me.” Theo repeated, tightening his grip on his collar again, where this time, he couldn’t help but pick up a distant, yet familiar smell he knew. This made him loosen his grip a little. Where did this scent come from in the depths of his mind?
In front of his hesitant face, the demon took the opportunity to place his hand over his own before bringing both hands down to his chest. There, Theo could feel the trembling of his beating heart against his palm.
“I know you.” The demon replied sincerely, taking his hand.
His gaze was soft now, far from the smug face he had almost become accustomed to. The intensity of his eyes and the surprising warmth of his hand made his heart beat faster in his chest.
“I was human before.” The demon continued but this time Theo noticed an ounce of sadness in his eyes. “ And I knew you, Choi Taeyang. We lived together in the same lifetime.” He said, his eyes flickering down to his lips.
Theo didn’t know if the demon had a put a sudden spell on him, but with this action, Theo felt the irresistible desire to look down and kiss those plush lips.
Instinctively, he didn't move when the demon brought his lips closer to his own, so close that he could feel his breath on his face.
Realizing what would happen if he gave in, Theo's eyes widened before he stepped back and yanked his hand out of the demon’s grip. He held his own hand for a few seconds before looking back at the demon, who seemed surprised by his sudden action.
Theo rubbed his hands over his face, trying to regain control of himself. He touched his own hair lightly before deciding to go back to his drink. He needed it now. It might also be a good way to get rid of the strange feeling that was taking its rightful place in his chest. A feeling that brought him back to his human life.
Theo finished his drink before turning back to the demon with an accusing face, ready to blame make him give in.
“Before you start yelling at me, I didn’t cast any spell on you.” The demon quickly assured him, calmly taking the seat next to him again.
Theo groaned and cradled his head in his hands.
Fuck. What was happening to him?
Why was he so sensitive towards this demon? What happened between them to cause such a reaction in him? This had never happened to him before with other demons, expect the ones who tried to charm him. And above all, who was he to him in his human life?
Theo sighed loudly. He was going to get a headache from all this questioning.
"So, you knew me?" Theo asked calmly, glancing at the demon next to him.
"Yes, I did." The demon took a sip of his own drink while looking him in the eyes. « Better than anyone else, I might add. » His gaze remained mysterious and intense.
"What do you mean by that? Spit it out." Theo asked with a hint of annoyance in his voice, slowly losing his patience.
The demon swallowed the last drop of his drink before opening his mouth.
"To put it bluntly, we were boyfriends." He said as he put down his drink.
Theo frowned and crossed his arms.
“I don’t fall in love with demons.” Theo scoffed, immediately on the defensive.
“No but I remember you being in love with me a few hundred years ago, when you were still human, Taeyang.” He stared directly into his eyes and spoke with a sincerity unknown to demons as he finally uttered the words that rang in his mind. “We even got married.”
Husbands, husband, Kee-
His eyes widened in disbelief. What was he saying? What did he mean by that? Wasn’t that familiar feeling he had when he laid his eyes on him just an illusion? Was he really…?
‘What do you mean?” He asked weakly in a feverish voice, trying to control the slight tremor in his hands.
“Exactly what I said.” Keeho looked straight back at him.
Theo remained speechless, not knowing what to say or think. His brain had to process this information.
Afraid that someone would blow their cover up, Taeyang teleported them to another place. Where he knew no one would come at night.
“Wow, there was no need to panic like that, angel.”
“You can’t be him.” He finally whispered, his arms falling along his body as he looked down. He couldn’t bear to look at him for now.
“You say that, but you feel it, don’t you?” Theo didn’t move, nor look up. “This familiar feeling in your heart and mind?”
His heart skipped a beat.
Seeing no reaction from him, the demon sighed.
“This might bring back some memories.” He reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out a silver ring with a pink polished stone.
Theo stepped back, suspicious. A ring? Really? Didn’t he have a smarter way to harm him? What told him that ring wasn’t some kind of trap? He wasn’t that stupid as he knew rings could be a powerful harming weapon for the wearer.
Theo sneered bitterly.
“You don’t honestly think I’m going to fall for that?” He sneered before adding, “Why should I?”
“Because you want to know why I look so familiar and to know if what I say about us is true, don’t you?” The demon grinned.
He caught him there. Damn. He was really messing with his head with all this information he had no way to confirming. His memory of that time was too far away to lead him anywhere. Apart from this connection he felt and the strange familiarity coming from him. Nothing was trustworthy or tangible in his mind.
“What tells me this isn’t a way to hurt me?” Theo was doubtful.
The demon sighed in frustration, before taking his hand to place the ring in his open palm, dismissing his surprised gasp.
“Take a closer look at the ring. Does it remind you of anything? Or did they really erase all your memories?”
Under the demon’s determined gaze and the general insistence, Theo reluctantly complied. The ring had already touched his skin anyway. Inside the band, were letters carved in the metal. Intrigued, he took the ring between his fingers to examine the inscription more closely. He could read:
기호 – 태양
Theo audibly gasped before covering his mouth, not believing his eyes.
In an unconscious part of his mind, the familiar name reminded him of distant memories hidden deep inside. The demon's face appeared, but in different situations.
They had met at the university when they were still students. At first, Keeho didn’t know korean very well, which made communication between them difficult. They didn’t really talk or interacted much. Theo was too shy and Keeho wasn’t fluent enough in korean. They weren’t close at the time.
Unsurprisingly, it was a karaoke’s party organized by the student council that brought them closer. It felt strangely natural, almost innate, the harmony of their voices as they stood up in front of the rest of their mutual friends. Theo remembers being impressed by Keeho‘s voice and shocked at how well their voices matched. Their newfound shared passion pushed them to try to communicate better.
Love didn’t bloom overnight. It took time to get to know each other better. They were best friends before they were lovers.
Then came memories.
“Ah your hands are so small!” Keeho beamed after taking his hand and placing his palm against his own.
Yeah his hands were small, he knew that but did Keeho have to shout it out like that in public? No, but would he still be Keeho if he didn’t do that sometimes? Absolutely not.
Also, Keeho's palm was warm.
Taeyang couldn’t fight the blush that crept up his cheeks.
“Don’t embarrass me like that! You know I don’t like it.” Taeyang said and tried to take his hand away without much success. Keeho had already clasped their hands tightly together.
“Don’t be embarrassed because it fits perfectly with mine.” Keeho sneered with a grin.
Now, if Taeyang wasn’t completely red before, he definitely was now.
And if you ask, no, his heart wasn’t pounding in his chest, and he didn’t feel any butterflies.
Or he would have liked to.
Then words.
“Don’t stress, everything will be okay. You know I’m here for you.”
“Ah you’re annoying but I can't imagine my life without you.”
“Will you marry me?”
“I love you.”
And one last memory.
As they lay on Keeho’s bed, legs intertwined, Taeyang’s head on Keeho’s chest and Keeho’s warm hand of Keeho’s stroking his hair, a terrible thought struck his mind.
“Are you afraid of death?” Taeyang lifted his head up to ask him.
“Yeah, I am.” Keeho answered honestly, “But that’s why I want to live my life to the fullest and not waste my time on useless things.” Keeho continued.
Taeyang gasped, lifted his head and looked straight at Keeho.
“So, I am an important thing?” Taeyang said in an exaggerated sweet voice while covering his mouth in fake act of shyness.
Keeho narrowed his eyes and hummed, thinking.
“I still haven’t decided yet” Keeho joked.
Taeyang’s face fell and Keeho couldn’t keep himself from laughing. Probably not the answer Taeyang was looking for.
“What the…” Taeyang said and hit his chest. “I want a divorce.”
“I refuse.” Keeho replied immediately while trying to grab his wrist. “Don’t hit me, I know you’re joking.”
Taeyang dropped the act and chuckled.
“Yes, I am.”
Keeho smiled before looking down at Taeyang.
“And you? Are you afraid of death?” Keeho said and rubbed Taeyang’s arm with his hand.
Taeyang remained silent for a little while before nodding against his chest .
“Yes I’m afraid, but even more of dying alone.” He murmured, his ear resting over Keeho’s heart. It gave him some comfort to hear Keeho’s heart beating as he spoke.
“I’m here now. You'll never be alone.” Keeho pulled him closer to him to plant a kiss on the top of his head.
“I hope so.” Theo murmured against his chest, feeling the ring on his finger.
-
Their relationship hadn’t been perfect, no relationship ever is, but he’d never felt better or happier with anyone else in his life. He had also never hurt so much. He’d been his best friend before being his lover and then his husband. To be so free and unapologetic. To be so happy and yet so vulnerable to the cruel dangers of life.
It was quite painful to relive it as all the memories came back all at once. Theo swallowed and tried to repress to unwanted tears welling up in his eyes.
There was a moment of silence before Theo found the courage to speak.
“That was a long time ago. And I’m over it.” He declared weakly.
That didn’t seem to persuade Keeho.
“Are you?” Keeho scoffed while raising an eyebrow.
"Yes." He replied while struggling to hold Keeho’s gaze.
"Your eyes tell me otherwise, Taeyang. " Keeho insisted.
It was obviously a lie and Keeho knew it. Of course he wasn’t over Keeho. How could he be? His feelings for Keeho weren’t gone. Sealed, but still there. They had been dulled and hidden in a box sealed in his memory, but Keeho, by bringing back his memories with the help of that ring, had open that box. Love is just harder to erase.
He still loved his smile, his laugh, the sound of his voice. All the little things that made him the Keeho he knew were still in him. It warmed him.
"Don’t call me that." Theo reprimanded weakly. "My name is Theo now." But he knew his words didn’t carry much weight.
Keeho, now standing right in front of him, reached out to take his hand.
"You’ve always been Taeyang to me. And you haven’t forgotten me, have you?” Keeho smiled softly and rubbed his thumb over his hand.
Theo couldn’t help but smile back before the last memory came back to him. His death. A cold and lonely memory that he was glad to have erased from his mind. Less painful than remembering his last moments. His hand slipped from Keeho’s grasp.
“Why did you leave me.” Theo murmured, clenching his fists. “You said you would never leave me alone. But you did the opposite. »
Theo slapped Keeho’s chest. Anger replaced joy.
"You were not there when I drew my last breath." Theo continued, not giving Keeho a chance to speak.
"I’ve tried." Keeho tried to hold his hands together, to keep from Theo’s latching onto him, but all he could do was stop Theo from hitting him for a moment. The anger and the resentment were still in Theo’s eyes.
Theo snorted.
« You left me alone. » Theo accused him, his eyes shadowed with anger.
Keeho scoffed, his smile replaced by a scowl.
"Ah? So, I was supposed to accept you dying in my arms without trying to find help? Without trying to save you?" Keeho raised his voice at the last words.
"You knew I couldn’t be saved !" Theo cried out.
"No, you didn’t know that !" Keeho argued back, his eyebrows and his eyes reflecting anger and frustration.
"I just wanted you to be here to the end." Theo argued. "I didn’t want to be alone."
Theo clenched his fists.
“I told you that.” He whispered under his breath.
"And let you die without trying to seek help in the hope of saving you? No way. You asked too much of me there." Keeho fought back.
Wouldn’t he have done the same thing in the hope of saving Keeho’s life if he had been in the same situation? The answer came immediately. Yes, he would have. But he knew there was no hope for him, his injuries were too serious to be patched up. He didn’t want to die alone, without any comfort. Without someone to hold his hand and see him through to the end.
"I had to look for help. I tried desperately to find someone who could save you, anyone." Keeho claimed and Theo couldn’t deny the desperation in his words. "I prayed God to save you."
At the mention of God, Keeho’s expression darkened.
"But he didn’t listen to me." Keeho’s eyes glowed with a red glint. His expression was stern and full of barely contained anger.
Seeing Keeho’s angry and dark expression when he mentioned God here, perhaps explained one of the reasons why he hadn’t become an angel like him. His demonic energy was fuming. It was a bit frightening, to be honest.
"I ended my life because I couldn’t bear your death. I couldn’t imagine a world without you." Keeho revealed quietly.
At these words, Theo’s heart dropped, and his body acted on impulse the next second, letting go of his anger to reach for him.
"No, don’t tell me you did that. Tell me it’s a lie, please." Theo begged as he gently took Keeho’s head between his hands, forcing him to look into his eyes and tell him the truth.
But Keeho shook his head and brought down his hands to interlock them.
« No, it’s not. » Keeho said sadly while stroking his knuckles. Something he always did when Theo was stressed, sad or just needed comfort.
The thought of Keeho dying brought Theo to tears. His heartbeat and breathing quickened to the point where he felt short of breath. Keeho dying? A pain rose in his chest. Yeah, it was a bit hypocritical of him to get mad at him in a way.
It had scared him to die alone, to not have anyone by his side when he was on the brink of death, and he’d blamed him for leaving him. Being put in Keeho’s place, made him realize that both of their feelings were valid, and it couldn’t be avoided.
It was the final push he needed to break down his fences.
Throwing away all his reason, Theo pulled Keeho close, wrapped his arms around his neck and buried his face in his jaw. He burst into tears. Happiness or sadness? He wasn’t quite sure. It just felt right and good to have Keeho so close.
Keeho hugged him back, wrapping his arms tightly around his waist tightly and squeezing his clothes between his fingers. He cried just as well he did, the side of his neck slightly wet with tears.
He couldn’t believe that Keeho was right there in front of him after all these years without him.
They stayed like that for a moment, swaying in silence. Taking each other in. Theo nuzzled his cheek into Keeho’s jaw, the way a cat would show affection.
He missed this. All of this. The familiar and comforting warmth of Keeho’s body against his own. The weight of his hands on the small of his back.
He needed him closer. Much closer.
Keeho’s collar shirt was back in his hands, no time to waste when all he wanted was his lips against his.
“Kiss me.” Theo murmured just in front of Keeho’s mouth, hovering over his lips.
Keeho grinned and dropped his hands to his waist.
“Should I?” Keeho teased, brushing their noses together and just a light touch of his lips against his own.
Theo couldn’t stand the teasing and gave in, placing a hand on the side of Keeho’s jaw to finally press their lips together. Keeho pushed back and clung to his lips. The taste of his lips was the same and Theo melted into the kiss.
Keeho grasped his waist between his fingers and pulled him closer, pressing him close. Theo bit down and moaned at the sudden friction between their crotches. Keeho nibbled at his lower lips.
“Come here.” Keeho slurred, before locking their lips again and sliding his hands under his shirt. His hands were hot and for a moment, Theo thought his skin was on fire.
Theo moaned against Keeho’s lips, tightening his grip on Keeho’s neck to encourage him to continue.
“Hard to believe you’ve become an angel when you kiss like that.” Keeho broke the kiss to catch his breath. “Although my memory does recall a few juicy moments, like the time you r-“
“Shut up.” He cut him off while undressing Keeho, not caring if they got caught.
This night was between Keeho and him and no one else. Only them.
-
Otherworldly beings didn’t needleep, but they still could sleep like a human would. Sometimes to pass the time, sometimes to recharge their batteries, and that was exactly what Keeho and Theo chose to do.
On the bed in Theo’s appartement, Keeho looked at Theo sleeping on top of him with an arm around his waist. Keeho lazily eyed the hickies on both of their skin. His right cheek was pressed up against his chest and his lips formed an adorable pout that was hard to resist. So hard that he leaned down to plant a kiss on his lips before nuzzling into his hair to smell the scent that he had dearly missed. Then his hand left Theo’s waist to run his fingers through the black strands of hair on Theo’s head, enjoying how soft they were.
This action woke Theo from his slumber as he moved to snuggle into Keeho’s jaws, seeking his warmth and presence. Theo sniffled before slowly opening and closing his eyes.
"How did you recognize me in the bar?" Theo murmured as he rubbed his eyes to drive away the drowsiness.
Keeho smiled softly at him.
“How could I forget you?”
Theo snorted and pinched Keeho’s arm, causing him to yelp and jerk slightly away from him.
“Don’t be silly.” Theo scolded.
Keeho’s laugh shook his body.
“No, but some of it is true.”
Theo’s eyebrows furrowed.
“I was looking for you and found out you would be there.” Keeho smiled cheekily.
“How-“
“I have my sources.” Keeho winked.
Theo knew that it would be pointless to investigate any further at the moment, so he dropped the matter. After all, judging by Keeho’s wedding ring, still on his finger after all these years, they had all the time in the world to catch up on these things, otherwise Theo would make sure that Keeho stayed by his side. The wedding ring back around his finger was not a decoration, but a new promise to stay together for a long time.
Of course, he knew that his responsibilities as an angel would catch up with him sooner or later, whether he liked it or not. But for now, he just wanted to enjoy Keeho’s presence at his side and could only hope that fate would never separate them again. Theo was not sure if he could support that this time.
“I missed you.” Keeho brought his hand to Theo’s cheek and brushed his thumb across it.
Theo smiled before leaning up to press his lips to Keeho’s plumb ones as his hand reached down to his hips.
Keeho grinned against his lips.
“Round two?” Keeho managed to mumble against his open lips.
Theo kissed him deeper as a silent agreement.
But for now, he would stay in this bliss and forget the world around them. After all this time, he had every right to. God be damned for now.