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Seonwoo wasn’t a very emotional person, he wasn’t, and he knew that. He didn’t know when he became like this but perhaps he was just born this way.
His father was never emotionally supportive and his mother was too weak to protect his world from crashing before he could learn the meaning of loving.
So what if he didn’t know how to care for others? It only made him weaker, that speaking Rakshasa was proof enough.
Yet his heart ached. It hurt, as if it were attacking him from the insides of his chest.
And who other than Hanmaru would be the culprit of this internal attack.
It all started with that wretched Rakshasa who attacked the office a few days ago. I can’t believe how weak I was against my own Rakshasa, Seonwoo thought.
He sat in his chair while staring off into his computer. He wasn’t getting much done which was unlike him. But seonwoo could care less, if anything, he’d rather deal with this feeling in his chest.
Oh how uncomfortable it was whenever Hanmaru would glance over to him. A sense of underlying…fear. No it wasn’t fear. He wasn’t scared of that block head, if anything, he felt the opposite.
Seonwoo would never admit that to Hanmaru but it was true. Hanmaru seemed to get along with the others quite well, he had a supposed…hm charm to him.
And so what if Seonwoo tolerated the other man!? That memory of Hanmaru could make anyone, be it Rakshasa or human, feel a sense of worry or perhaps guilt for Hanmaru’s childhood self.
Worry…
Perhaps that was it.
Seonwoo felt worried, but that would never be able to explain the rush of uncertain feelings he got whenever a certain black haired man would look at him in battle.
Those determined, carefree eyes. He was always so confident as if the monsters they faced weren’t from the depths of hell itself.
It was a rush he’d never felt before from any other person. Though, Seonwoo hadn’t always seen Hanmaru in that light at first. No no no, the first few times he had defended the man in battle it felt as though he was protecting a child, a child who knew no better than to charge into danger.
But the more time they spent together the more comfortable he got. It was an odd sense of belonging which he hadn’t felt in a while, if not his whole life.
It was a frustrating and confusing feeling.
What was more frustrating was how when the man would never care about his own physical condition. It practically shattered Seonwoo when he saw Hanmaru so battered and broken when he fought that talking Rakshasa.
Seeing Hanmaru so vulnerable and bloodied wasn’t a pleasant sight.
Seonwoo grimaced at the horrible image.
I shouldn’t dwell on bad memories, he shook his head.
Ending his thought where it stood Seonwoo continued work, it was better to not think about it.
—
It was mid-day by now and everyone had been going along as usual.
And just like every week, everyone’s phones went off ringing out throughout the room.
“It’s a level 5 Rakshasa”, Kang announced.
“I’ll go”
Seonwoo lifted his head at Hanmaru’s voice. The man had already grabbed his jacket and readied himself to go.
Seonwoo’s thoughts resurfaced again and without thinking he said, “I’ll go instead.”
Getting up from his chair as he glanced down at Hanmaru’s confused expression. “It’s fine I can handle a level 5 myself. It’s not like I haven’t fought worse…” He trailed off.
Shaking his head, Seonwoo gave an annoyed smile. “I didn’t volunteer, and neither was I doing it for you.”
“You- you little-“ the other man seemed just as annoyed at Seonwoo as they went back and forth with their banter.
Finally Captain Deokman broke them up, standing between the two as he made up his mind. “Alright alright, enough of that you two. Break it up now.”
The two kept silent as they gave angry glances at each other.
“I just wanted to go deal with the Rakshasa, but this assh-“ Before Hanmaru could finish the captain quickly shut that thought down, “How about the two of you go then? It’s only a level 5, it shouldn’t be too difficult.”
“But-“ Seonwoo tried to argue back but quickly shut up when the Captain smiled back at him.
“What was that?”
“Ah… I meant we should head off before any civilians get caught in the yellow mist.” Seonwoo said, grabbing Hanmaru from the back.
“Hey! Quit dragging me!” The man complained as he followed behind.
Sighing, Deokman turned his head away, “Don’t follow them Ms. Kang. They have to learn how to get along with each other if they’re going to be a part of this team.”, he said, not even looking at Kang before speaking.
“Hmph, as if I’d do something like that.” She said, staring through the window as Hanmaru and Seonwoo left the building.
“Ms. Kang”, Deokman turned his head to look at her.
“Okay okay! I won’t follow them, jeez”, Kang huffed, crossing her arms as she did.
—
The two had made their way to the site where the Rakshasa was spotted. Working their way up the mountain, Seonwoo and Hanmaru found themselves in an awkward silence.
“So uh-“
“Don’t talk to me”
Great, he just made it worse. Hanmaru just glanced back with an annoyed face.
“I just wanted to make small talk, my bad I forgot that you were a renowned asshole.” Hanmaru huffed.
“Well maybe if you’d stayed behind you wouldn’t have to make small talk. The real asshole is you since you can’t seem to realize I was-“ stopping himself there, Seonwoo paused.
I was what? Worried? He couldn’t possibly say that. Instead Seonwoo just grit his teeth and continued walking ahead.
“Realize what?”, Hanmaru curiously asked, his annoyed expression replaced with confusion.
“Hey! Seonwoo, answer me!” Seonwoo just ignored him and as if on cue yellow mist began surrounding the two.
I’ve never felt so relieved to see a Rakshasa before, Seonwoo thought as he raised his hands to his chest.
“Prepare to fight, you blockhead, and quit yammering!” Seonwoo shouted at Hanmaru to alert him.
“Hey! Who’s a blockhead-“ Hanmaru responded, raising his voice a bit as he got into a fighting stance.
Seonwoo shook his head and ignored Hanmaru, paying attention to the Rakshasa. It wasn’t particularly strong but it was still level 5 so it wasn’t particularly weak as well.
Soon enough the silhouette of the Rakshasa appeared, its slow approach was eerie but so was the majority of Rakshasas.
This one was on the smaller side of Rakshasas they’ve seen. It was easily as short as a human child, its eyes looked gouged out and bloodied.
Its arms were covered with slits as if they were eyelids and where its hand should’ve been were a pair of eyes. All paired with its green flesh that seemed to have been ripped off by the right side of its head, left the Rakshasa to appear quite freakishly ugly.
“Bl- oc.. khead” the Rakshasa repeated as it came closer.
Hanmaru seemed annoyed by its words, “Of all of the words it could’ve copied?!”
Finding it quite amusing, Seonwoo found himself chuckling, “Perhaps it’s universal, you truly are an idiot.”
Shooting Seonwoo an unamused smile, Hanmaru was quick to charge at the Rakshasa. “We’re here to kill the Rakshasa, do your damn job.”
Hanmaru threw a high kick at the Rakshasa, aiming for its head only for the entire Rakshasa to disappear in a flurry of yellow smoke.
“You idiot! Don’t go charging in like that” Seonwoo practically scolded Hanmaru. He searched the area for any traces of where the Rakshasa could’ve been hiding.
Left? No, there were only trees and no hint of a fight.
Right? Also no.
“Look up as well, for someone always calling me an idiot you don’t seem to be too different.” Hanmaru cautiously surveyed the trees.
They looked everywhere, up, left, right…
No wait.
“It’s underground!” Seonwoo shouted but he was too late. Hanmaru had his head turned and within an instant the man’s head was smashed straight into the ground.
The Rakshasa seemed to have been able to sink into the ground; it appeared once again behind Seonwoo. Though this time the Rakshasa was quicker fended off by Seonwoo.
Sending the Rakshasa flying against a tree with a swift kick to the gut, or what seemed to be its stomach. Behind him Hanmaru rushed forward though this time he seemed more alert, his eyes holding a hint of irritation.
While the Rakshasa was still down Hanmaru aimed to tear its head off. His hand crushed the Rakshasa’s face while the other reached for its neck. If Seonwoo hadn’t known the man beforehand he’d assume Hanmaru was a wild beast, raised by monsters.
Given that Hanmaru had cleanly ripped the Rakshasa’s head off with his bare hands.
Wait, the Rakshasa appears dead. But the mist has yet to recede… Seonwoo’s thoughts were quickly interrupted by Hanmaru’s startled yelp.
“Hanmaru! Get away from it now!” Seonwoo rushed forward, grabbing the confused man by his collar and throwing him off of the Rakshasa.
“Hey- what gives! I was about to eat that-“ Hanmaru was interrupted with the Rakshasa’s body exploding into an odd blue substance. After the explosion the yellow mist receded.
That’s a good sign, but whatever this blue stuff can't be, Seonwoo was caught in the proximity of the explosion and all he could think about was going home and washing all of it off.
But first he needs to get up from the ground. Slowly Seonwoo attempted to stand only to be hit with a wave of dizziness. Bringing a hand to his face, Seonwoo tried his best to keep his balance.
Yeah. He needed that shower.
As he leaned onto a tree to keep himself from falling, Seonwoo heard a small ringing from his ears.
“Seo- …woo. H… hey.. HEY! Seonwoo! What the hell was that!?” Hanmaru’s voice quickly became more apparent as the man drew closer.
All Seonwoo could think about was how annoying the other man was being. He had just saved Hanmaru from that stupid Rakshasa and he received nothing but an ungrateful gesture. Feeling himself gain back some strength Seonwoo catches himself from falling.
Cursing under his breath he hadn’t realized Hanmaru staring at him. Suddenly he felt a surge of anger.
“You stupid brains for nothing idiot! Do you have any idea how dangerous that was?! Not only do I have to deal with the aftermath of this- this joke of a mission but you almost got yourself killed in the process!”
“I-“
“I don’t care about what you have to say! Not after that stunt you just pulled! So what if you have some almighty power you gained as a kid!? All you gained was some power! You’re still as immature as ever! What good is it if you can’t even stop yourself from charging into unknown territory just to get yourself killed!? I’m shocked you didn’t die from your father’s stupid excuses of training sessions!”
Seonwoo had never felt such anger in his life before. He’d never felt so much before. Seonwoo paused for a moment, the strange blue liquid, the random outburst, and the Rakshasa.
His eyes widening, so that’s why he just spouted all that nonsense.
“Hanmaru- wait-“
Before he could say anything else Seonwoo felt a fist meet his face. And once again Seonwoo had found himself on the floor. Though this time a certain raven haired man was sat angrily on top of him.
Another punch followed soon after. Then another, then another.
“You’ve said a lot of things in the past but this?! This just takes the cake! You’ve taken it too far Eden, don’t ever speak about my father!” Hanmaru’s words held a lot of weight to it. And if words could kill, Seonwoo would’ve perished by now.
So Seonwoo didn’t do anything to stop him, he knew what he said was wrong and had gone too far. Closing his eyes, he allowed Hanmaru to vent his anger out on him.
.
.
.
Drip.
Wait what?
Seonwoo opened his eyes. Looking up at the man, he didn’t know how to react to the other man’s expression.
Hanmaru looked pitiful at the very least. His cheeks were slightly red, perhaps from the tears that streamed from his face.
But his eyes, oh his eyes. Seonwoo stared straight at them. They held a feeling he’d never seen in Hanmaru before, it was a mixture of anger and sadness and a bit of fear.
And all Seonwoo could feel in that very instance was… guilt.
He pitied the man, and felt a need to beat himself up for those words he’d said beforehand.
Slowly, Seonwoo carefully picked his words. As careful as he could be, with the whole Rakshasa residue situation still present.
“Hanmaru.”
Both of them seemed to freeze, Seonwoo’s voice ringing out.
Taking in a deep breath, Seonwoo slowly continued. “I’m… I’m sorry. I was wrong, it’s just, seeing you break yourself to fight for others- to fight in general isn’t a pleasant sight, I-“
Hanmaru grit his teeth as he stared Seonwoo down.
“So what if it’s not pleasant? Why would you of all people care!? In fact, you were the one who began calling me names, talking down to me-“
“I just”
“-getting in fights with me. But now that we’re finally in a fight you decide to back down? Why in the-“
“I WAS WORRIED!”
Silence was quick to present itself as Hanmaru froze.
“…”
“What.”
“I was worried or at least I believe I am, I don’t- I don’t know! I’ve never felt this way before for anyone so why’d it have to be you and- and why haven’t I stopped!?. I’ve worried so much my heart aches, it hurts so much seeing you break yourself. Seeing you hurt yourself just for the safety of others. And I’ve barely known you for a year, not even half but I can’t bring myself to think about life without you in it!”
Hanmaru stared back at Seonwoo, his eyes widening. Perhaps he was in shock, Seonwoo knew he’d feel the same way if anyone had said such a thing to him yet something made him continue. He felt a need to tell Hanmaru everything, about how troubled he felt whenever the man would charge into battle, or how much of a rush he got whenever they fought together, or even how calm he appeared in the afternoon when the sun was at its brightest, everything.
So he did,and by the time he was done Hanmaru’s tears were replaced with a smile and a laugh that could make even the most dormant bud bloom.
“Pft- HaHa! Oh my god! Seonwoo if I hadn’t known better I would’ve thought you were confessing!”
By now Hanmaru had caught onto why Seonwoo was acting so out of character and had long forgiven the man.
Now they were sitting down, leaning against the trees as Seonwoo finally finished ranting. His expression held a look of embarrassment. This mission had been blown way out of proportion.
“Hey Seonwoo,” Hanmaru stared straight at him. “Thank you, honestly I think I really needed to hear that.”
A small smile lingered on his face. Seonwoo brought both hands to cover his mouth from saying anything stupid but it only made his heart pound more from a strange overwhelming feeling in his chest. He gave Hanmaru a nod.
A few muffled words escape his mouth but it could barely be comprehended.
“I think we should start heading back!” Seonwoo suddenly blurted out.
Hanmaru giggled at the display. “Yeah I think we should, Captain is probably worried we got into another fight.”
By now the pain and dizziness had subsided enough so that Seonwoo could get up. Yet despite that Hanmaru offered his hand, which was happily accepted by Seonwoo.
A smile played at his face.
Hanmaru pulled Seonwoo up, bringing him into a hug while doing so. And in that moment Seonwoo felt his chest warm an alarming amount. Was this what it felt like to belong with someone? Was this how it felt like to finally find your place in this world? Perhaps it was.
Hanmaru’s touch left as quickly as it came.
Hanmaru found himself staring at Seonwoo’s face for a moment before erupting into another fit of laughter.
“Oh my goodness! I had no idea Seonwoo could make such a face! Haha!”
And suddenly he wanted to laugh as well, so he did. Seonwoo found himself smiling and laughing like an idiot.
A few moments passed by and Hanmaru calmed down, a joyful smile still rested on his face. “You look so different when you smile. In a good way.”
“I always look good, what do you mean you blockhead.” Seonwoo huffed, crossing his arms. Though knowing Hanmaru, he knew Seonwoo’s words hold no ill will.
“Sure sure, I know you love me! But we should probably start heading back, Ms. Kang will kill us for being so late!” Hanmaru teases as he slowly begins jogging back down the mountain.
“Last one down the mountain has to treat the other to an all you can eat Barbecue for dinner!”
“What!? Wait up!!!”, Seonwoo was quick to chase after Hanmaru as they ran down the mountain like immature children.
Hanmaru turned his head back as he laughed, a bright smile on his face. And right then, Seonwoo felt his world light up once more.
This was it, he thought. This was the missing feeling, the warm feeling that grew down in his chest, the one that seemed to ache and bloom every time Hanmaru looked at him.
Yet he didn’t mind, if anything he liked it.
He liked the feeling,
No. He loved it
He loved Hanmaru.
And everything is right in the world.