Chapter Text
Makes hating Star Wars a personality trait. Left.
Here for a good time ;) Left.
Don’t tell my husband. Left.
Hates cats. Left.
Loves superheroes!! But supports J.J.J. Left.
I have a big personality and an even bigger- LEFT.
Peter slumped back into his bed. They needed a dating site for superheroes who could ditch out on second dates when they overheard a police scanner or could crawl through the window and get blood on the curtains for the third time that week because they got thrown into a building. But alas, that would give too much away about him. So here Peter was, yet again on Tinder since the last four first dates had failed and the only second date he’d gone on had ended in Peter ditching them to fight aliens.
A few more left swipes through frankly horrible candidates. Suddenly, there on his screen, was Spider-Man??? (spelt correctly (score!!)) Who the fuck was catfishing as Spider-Man? Did anyone actually fall for that? Peter swiped through the photos. He knew the photos published of Spider-Man pretty well seeing as most of them came from him and this person wasn’t blatantly stealing his photos. No. This was a cosplayer. And a damn good one. More muscular than Peter and very well-built.
Peter sighed, swiping right to see the whole profile.
Spider-Man (he/they):
Age: 29
Height: 6’2
Sexuality: Pansexual
Likes: Sci-fi, bad rom-coms, cooking, maple syrup, spontaneity, cats, and late-night conversations.
Dislikes: Math, following rules, silence, and blue cheese.
Well. Surprisingly this man seemed right up Peter’s alley. Sci-fi AND cats? Sure it wasn’t that weird of a combination of likes but Peter had been through a lot. Peter had promised May he’d bring someone home for Christmas and he was running out of time at this point.
Peter was shocked when a screen popped up, ‘Spider-Man’ had super liked Peter.
Spider-Man: You may have missed Santa’s sleigh because you’re just what I asked for this Christmas.
Peter laughed out loud at that. Oh fuck. No. He wouldn’t find this guy catfishing him (as himself) charming.
Peter: Journey’s not that long. I think I’ll have a little longer to pack my overnight bag. If you’re lucky, I’ll need it.
Spider-Man: Don’t tempt me with a good time, Baby Boy.
Peter sighed, rolling over from his back to his front.
Peter: So, I’m not sure I can excuse the liking rom-coms, but maybe if you have good taste in sci-fi I’ll turn a blind eye.
Spider-Man: >:0
Spider-Man: A rom-com hater?!?!
Spider-Man: Next you’re gonna tell me you’re one of those guys who hate Christmas.
Peter: Sorry to disappoint
Peter: Frankly it’s overrated, I put up with it for my aunt.
Spider-Man: Oh good god. I don’t know if I can do this.
Spider-Man: I think you may be the one needing redemption with sci-fi movies.
Peter: Well, if we’re going good sci-fi, call me basic but Star Wars will forever be the best.
Spider-Man: Booorinngggggg
Spider-Man: go watch Galaxy Quest or Starship Troopers then we can talk
Peter: You did not just imply Star Wars is bad!!!
Spider-Man: I did not. I said go watch something more interesting
Peter: I will not take this slander.
Peter left it at that. Sure it was a petty thing to not talk to a guy over but this was Star Wars he was talking about. He pulled off his shirt, his suit already underneath. He then pulled his mask on before hopping on one foot. He yanked off his trousers and pulled on his boots before (almost) falling out of his window for patrol.
It was quiet, as winter always was. He bought a guy a mug of soup and a few pairs of socks with the last of his pocket change, a little girl asked him if he had met Santa. He had lied about that one. A little boy had scuffed his knee and Peter patched him up with a Spider-Man-branded bandage. An older woman dropped her purse and Peter snatched it up before it could fall down a drain pipe, she hugged Peter tightly for that.
When he was sure New York had gone to bed, or at least most had, Peter flopped back onto his bed. His suit was damp and cold and he rolled onto the floor, practically dragging himself to the shower to try to warm up.
The water was lukewarm, and his one towel that wasn’t blood-stained or ripped was thin and in dire need of a replacement. He curled up into his bed, warm soup and bread in his hands, he pulled his laptop up and opened Netflix. He looked through the movie selection before deciding fuck it.
*****
Peter: Okay Galaxy Quest was actually quite good
Spider-Man: THANK YOU!!
Spider-Man: You don’t understand true cinema until you see Love Actually though.
Peter: Oh god I dodge my aunt’s annual re-watch of that like the plague.
Spider-Man: You’re missing out.
Peter: hmmm I don’t think I believe you.
Spider-Man: So other than seeing how amazing my movie recommendations are, what have you been up to?
Peter: Went to the store, did a bit of work.
Spider-Man: ooo! An employed man!!
Spider-Man: What do you do for work?
Peter: I’m a photographer.
Peter: It’s on my profile.
Spider-Man: So it is. Well, I can picture us together one day.
Peter groaned at that. God this guy was cheesy.
*****
Peter: Any more movie recommendations?
Spider-Man: AAAA Petey!! You like my movie recommendations!!!
Peter: I never said that, I’m just lonely and have no life so here I am asking for something to pass the time.
Spider-Man: Well I just finished reading Ready Player One….
Peter: You will be immensely disappointed with the movie.
Spider-Man: care to watch it with me?
Peter: and how would that work?
Spider-Man: call me bby ;p
Peter froze. Was he really gonna go this far? Was he gonna call this guy? He hit the call button. Yeah. He was that lonely.
“Hey?” A voice said when the phone connected, Peter wasn’t sure what he expected but god that was not it. He took a moment to collect himself and his thoughts, “Baby boy? Did I break you? Normally that comes later.”
“No sorry I’m here.” Peter cleared his throat, “I didn’t expect your voice to be so-” He tried to find the words. Right as he went to say “attractive” Spider-Man said, “Disgusting?”
“Oh.” There was a moment of silence between them. “You think my voice is hot?”
“I mean- I would be lying if I said no…” Peter could feel his cheeks heat up.
“Well, that’s a first.” He laughed, Peter was going to die on this call. “I’ll send you a link, it’ll link our screens.”
“You’re not going to like steal my info and give me a virus? Right?”
He gasped, “Peter, you dare doubt my loyalties?”
“I’m just being safe, mystery internet man.”
“Trust me, if I wanted to scam someone I would not have picked someone with as many degrees as you.”
“Fair enough.” Peter clicked the link and was happy to see the movie come up.
*****
Gwen slapped a hand over her mouth, “No way!” He leaned forward, “Peter, you’ve been talking to this guy for a week knowing he’s a blatant catfish of yourself?!!?”
Peter looked at the table, “Yeah.”
“And you’ve not questioned him ONCE?”
“No.”
She groaned, running her hands through her hair, “At least tell me you’re not into him.”
Peter was silent, a guilty look on his face.
“PETER!” She slammed her hands on the table.
“In my defence, I do actually think it’s him in the photos.” Peter threw his hands up. “And if it is, my god Gwen he is like hunk central.”
“Never say that again.”
“I’m just saying I don’t think it's as bad as you’re making it out to be.”
“Peter, just accept you’ll have to tell May that you don’t have anyone this year. I hate saying this, but you’re going to get hurt by this guy. One way or another.”
Peter was quiet for a moment, “Yeah, you’re right. I just thought- never mind.”
“I’m sorry Peter.”
“Not your fault, Gwen.” Peter stood up, taking his coffee, “I really should get back to work. I’ll see you New Year. Right?”
“Yeah.” She stood up, hugging him tightly before watching as he walked slowly down the street.
*****
Peter wasn’t looking where he was going, he was still caught up on what Gwen had said. His aunt had called, confirming Peter was bringing someone, and like an idiot, he’d said yes.
He hit someone, like walked straight smack into someone’s chest and oh fuck, that is an attractive chest. He stumbled back, already about to mumble an apology when he looked up and the man had a look of shock on his face. His skin was scarred, ridges and dips covered what should be the gentle skin of his cheeks. He had blue eyes, they looked slightly washed-out, dull and cloudy, but they expressed so much emotion even without eyebrows to assist.
“Sorry,” The man muttered out, shuffling around Peter.
“No, no, sorry. I wasn’t looking and-” Peter narrowed his eyes at the man, he then let his eyes trail down the man’s body.
“You okay?”
“It’s you.” Peter locked eyes with the man.
“Well, shit.” He muttered, looking at the ground. “You really weren’t supposed to find me.”
“Well yeah, I got that far.” Peter couldn’t help but stare at the man. Fuck he was hot. “Why don’t you use your face on your profile?”
The man twisted his lips to the side, his scars stretched and Peter watched with intent. “I mean, I’m not exactly too pretty to look at.”
“Nonsense.” Peter crossed his arms, revelling in the way that the man blushed, “Well, can I have a proper name to put to the face? Or is that still your secret?”
“Wade.”
Peter smiled, “Well, Wade. Would you like to go on a date with me?”