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The House in the Woods

Summary:

Technoblade’s eyes find the childs once more and he tries to slowly scooch backwards sinking into the shrubbery.

Then-

“Oh.” Their eyes meet. Philza is standing less than two meters away, a long heavy looking robe covering what Techno knows to be a quite lethal pair of wings. “Are you here for the babysitting?”

What.

“Uhhhh” Techno blanks, “Yes, Yes definitely. I know everything about babies.” How hard could it be to take care of a child anyways?

Notes:

I did my best! i hope you like it c:

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Phil has always been a busy man, never one to keep still. Perhaps that's how Kristen balanced him in the end. A steady presence in the thick of things. An encouraging whisper in the back of his mind in the midst of chaos of his design.

Today chaos found him in the form of a boy. He was small, blonde and quite the menace already. Kristen had brought this boy to him, barely a week ago, and it was still a shock. The shock has been overwritten quickly by an astounding amount of joy. Phil reached a possessive hand down and swiped his thumb over the boy's cheek who curled into it with a giant smile, shaking the feathers that lined his cheeks like small, downy, freckles.

Both of them had wanted children, and had many conversations about it in fact. In the end they settled on adoption, of a sorts. Though, Philza mused to himself, he didn’t think the feathers had been there when they had signed the papers. Not like it was too surprising, Kristen had always had a magical touch. In many ways, it would have been more odd that their children would turn out completely normal.

His heart is swelling with a truly impressive amount of love as he pulls Tommy out of the swaddled basket on the counter, propping the little guy's head up. His eyes meet the small unfocused blue of his child (his child, yes that feels right), that blink up at him. And then he has to reel backwards at a speed that would put light waves to shame to avoid the literal fiery burp his little abomination just let out.

He sets his son back down in the basket, not a shake in his hands. Tommy looked quite satisfied, the huge grin on his tiny face saying more than words ever could.

“Well, aren't you just the sweetest!” He said as he pinched his child's cheek gently.

___________________________

 

He did not know where this baby had come from. For one Techno is inside a bush on the outskirts of Philza’s rather large property. There's no reason for babies to be here.

Philza Minecraft lives in a decently sized manor quite a ways outside town. The hills are surrounded by ice spikes and tall spruce trees that look like they've been there for decades, if not centuries. The manor itself is tucked away beneath snow and leaves but once in view is clearly a big building.

All this lends to, in the moment, is a suitably dramatic environment to have a stare down with a child. A crow caws to really set the theme of the moment.

The little guy is sitting in a small snow bank and, by the looks of the snow tracks he left, seems to have crawled there himself. The boy has a splattering of dark feathers on his cheeks, and his eyes shine a bright almost inhuman blue.

The quiet is broken. A snap of a twig, the crunch of snow. A small breath.

“Tommy?”

Technoblades eyes widen. He's gonna be found. Of all things a child is what is going to get him caught.

“Are you out here, mate?” Philza’s voice, though loud, disperses through the clearing and fades around the snow. He’s getting closer, his steps crunching in the snow.

Technoblade’s eyes find the childs once more and he tries to slowly scooch backwards sinking into the shrubbery.

Then-

“Oh.” Their eyes meet. Philza is standing less than two meters away, a long heavy looking robe covering what Techno knows to be a quite lethal pair of wings. “Are you here for the babysitting?”

What.

“Uhhhh” Techno blanks, “Yes, Yes definitely. I know everything about babies.” How hard could it be to take care of a child anyways?

Philza’s eyes light up,”I told Kristen that the ad in the news would work!” he slaps his fist against his palm. He scoops up the kid without thought, the tiny blonde immediately trying to stick the man's arm in his mouth. Gross. Just gross. Techno would prefer a blood bath literally any day of the week over getting covered in slobber.

Philza shifts his weight back, firmly settling the child on his hip.

“So, are you able to start today?” Curse it all, even the man's eyes held a hopeful glint.

Techno blinked. And then blinked twice, before nodding. If this was all some convoluted trap then oh well. Technoblade never dies.

(It couldn't be that hard to take care of a child, right?)

___________________________

 

To be quite honest Techno did not know how this had happened. It had all started out simple., Technoblade had found the newspaper ad when it flew right into his face on his way home. He swore the crows flying past were laughing at him. Mocking his plight.

That was when he decided to go and scope out Philzas house, oh so politely listed on the ad itself. Or that was the plan until he had gotten lost in the forests that seemed to have sprung up out of nowhere when he started getting closer to the property.

And now, two hours later, he was hired.

___________________________

 

Technoblade was in a battle of wills. He hadn’t blinked in at least 46 seconds and was not going to start now. That would mean losing and that was unacceptable. He would not lose to this tiny creature, he was better than that. Tommy just smiled up at him, showing off his gums.

Techno braced, then Tommy’s hand shot out and was snatched out of the air with just a second to spare before it reached Techno’s long pink hair. His hand was covered in baby spit because of course it was. Techno felt a bit more of his soul die within him.

Tommy let out a peal of giggles, as if his favorite pastime for the past hour hadn’t been grabbing Techno’s braid and then turning into stone so his grip would be impossible to release.

It had been a week now and Technoblade was still learning new ways that he could be tormented. He took it all back. Children were demons.

Tommy was a menace but the sort that grew on you like a fungus. Techno might even go as far to say he liked the terror of a child. Which, that was still a big might.

___________________________

 

The one thing that Technoblade kept noticing though, was Philza’s odd hours. Oftentimes Techno would have to stay the night because Phil would be out of town for just the night. And even though Techno was nearly living in the manor he still never saw Philza eat. Oh the man would help Tommy with meals quite often, seemingly lost in the domestic bliss of trying to get a young child to swallow their food or chew with their mouth shut, but he never ate anything himself.

In the weeks that have passed since he landed this job more weird things have been happening. The house creaks were dismissable, it's an old house and a big one at that, it's bound to have a few creepy noises.

Tonight however Philza is making dinner, which was odd on its own. Tommy was sitting proudly on Philza’s hip doing his best to help, every now and then bringing up something his hands had grasped and trying to feed it to Philza. He puffed his cheeks up in indignation when Philza pushed the food away from his mouth.

Techno gave a huff of laughter from the doorway, knowing better than to get close when Tommys cheeks got that red. He had almost gotten his hair set on fire more than enough times to know better.

Philza, in an impressive show of speed, managed to get Tommy within an arm's length away just as the boy puffed out a mouth of fire and then immediately went back to stirring the pan. From what Techno could see it was filled with a red sauce, probably for spaghetti if he were to guess.

___________________________

 

Technoblade started towards a plate, aiming to bring it to the table, but was stopped by a surprisingly firm hand on his wrist.

“Not that one” Philza said, his eyes gleaming strangely in the kitchen light, “This ones for you”. A different plate of spaghetti was pushed into his hands and his wrist was released. The now bare skin tingled a bit. Philza had remarkably cold hands. It was winter, Techno reasoned. He took the offered plate to the table, Philza already pulling out a chair, and resolved to keep it off his mind.

Dinner was a slightly stilted affair. Each attempt at a conversation kept falling short of properly starting. Philza seemed rather happy about something but was keeping a tight lid on what it could be. Techno took another bite.

Phil’s smile deepened, “This is my wife’s recipe, a favorite of hers.”, he twirled the fork in his noodles. “I hope you like it just as much as I did.”

___________________________

When Techno went to bed that night he couldn't help but feel a bit off. He felt like everything inside him was shifted. As if it had all been moved slightly to the left.

He was grateful when Philza had offered him the guest room again and quickly shuffled up the stairs towards it. The bedroom has felt more and more like his own throughout the weeks of his work. There must be some magic in the mattress somehow because he always fell asleep faster when in the bedroom. Technoblade knew he had trouble sleeping but he never felt it under Philza’s roof.

___________________________

 

The next time he awoke he felt groggy. His eyes were crusted over and he was too warm. A thin layer of sweat covered him as he tried to parse out what he was seeing.

It took a few seconds but eventually he was able to get a feel of where he was. Philza’s face swimming in the air over him helped a bit. He thought the man might be saying something but he really couldn't say for sure. Everything felt far away and heavy at the same time.

“There you go,” Philza smiled.

There was something on his forehead. A quite cold something. Oh. That was Philza’s hand. That is nice of him. He thinks, anyway. Thinking is hard.

The hand moved from his forehead and to his hair.

“You’re almost ready to join the family officially.” The hand swept from his hair and down his face landing on the soft flesh between his shoulders and his neck. A chill ran through Techno’s frame and he turned his head to the side. Philza’s hands were still so cold.

If Technoblade’s eyes dared to open he would see how Philza just kept on grinning, a possessive look in his eyes. His thumb swept up along the line of Technoblades Jaw. Yes, he was almost ready. The venom needed to be injected after the blood had settled in the system for the easiest turn and it had been three days already. A few more and Technoblade would be fully integrated into the family.

Philza just couldn't wait. Kristen always had the best gifts.

___________________________

Notes:

This just didnt want to get out of my brain