Chapter Text
Yesterday my cat died.
Yesterday I spent all day calling out for her.
I put out all of her favourite toys. Fresh water. Fresh kitty litter. I even put out the expensive cat nip, the one that I have to beg the zoologists for and promise to bioengineer multiple animals for them. Not worth it though. It didn’t call her back and now I’ve got to help them make this animal called a “sheep”.
She must have known her time was to come. She was always a smart cat. She was way smarter than the onboard cats. In hindsight, that may be the genetic pool for the onboard cats was not large enough to prevent inbreeding popping up on the gene schematics. I brought her as a kitten from a port town on a far off planet as a child and that always accounted for any little differences she had.
She might not be all that I have but she was almost all that I have. I rub my eyes and focus again on the screen, sorting out all the different video scans of her brain.
Today I will bring my cat back to life.
I knew she was going to die. She was eighteen after all. Every day I woke up to check her breath and to make sure she was still breathing. Every day, I updated my records of her brain scans.
I guess I don't have to do that anymore.
I’ve been scanning her brain with a simple modeling ray over and over ever since Professor Kal’tsit kept telling me that she was going to die over and over again.
Sometimes I think she lived purely to spite him and his disdain for her. Ama was a fighter. If any cat had nine lives, it would be Ama. But thanks to that asshole, I’ve got lots of brain scan records. Constructing the melody of her brain is going well. That is the easy part in all honesty. It is trying to translate her kitty brain waves into a human shaped organic android brain that is getting to me.
I sip the coffee beside me. If it it gets to me, I won’t let it. I can do anything with enough coffee.
And... it is the least I can do for Ama.
A few days ago my cat died.
That day Trevor walked the halls jangling her favourite black plushie Monster. He did it until Professor Kal’tsit stomped out of the Hospital Lounge and told him to stop making a fool of himself. So he stopped. It worked out in the end though. Virgil and Eorphus had seen him wandering the halls calling out for “Ama” and jangling a raggedy but well loved plush. They went to the security department and called in a few favours so they could scan for a small heat signature on the cameras.
Today I will try to bring my cat back to life. I know I said that yesterday and I said that the day before but it keeps me going.
Self motivation is always important. It also helps that her brain and her body is fresh. Snap freezing keeps her all intact until she’s ready to go. Eorphus and Virgil found her quickly enough, she was still warm. Pallor mortis hadn’t even set in by the time they got her to me.
What are a cat’s desires translated into human form? I don’t know. Ama will have to figure that out for herself when she wakes up. But I will make her as strong as possible. I will grant her every wish she ever wanted and the ability to feel them fulfilled.
Did I do enough for her? Did I ever do enough for her. I wish I knew. Ama seemed happy enough. Even in her last moments, she always tried to climb up onto my shoulders to headbutt my cheek. I would have to gently carry her down because her knees were a little bit creaky. She was used to her routine. I was her human so she would headbutt me and try to groom me. Because I was her human.
I cry. I can’t help but cry. Tears stream down my cheeks and I jerk my face upwards so it won’t splash onto any of my papers. It may be old fashioned to use paper but I like it. Also… Ama loved to play in my old discarded papers.
Trevor holds me tight and rocks me back and forth.
"If you don't sleep, you lose focus and you won't be able to do your best for Ama," he says.
He's right. He holds onto me and rocks me back and forth.
"Even if you can't get any shut eye, you can at least get some rest through comfort," he says.
I cling onto him. He is warm but my heart is still cold, so cold. I love him and I love him so much but Ama was special. Not more special but just as special.
I knew Ama before I ever thought of Trevor. Ama… She had always been around since I was a child. Ever since I was considered The Star Child. She was there when we were still in space and the stars rushed past us. She used to sit in my lap as we sat in the Solarium for our daily vitamin D dosage. She would meow and roll around on my lap as we basked in the warmth.
She was there when the colony first landed on Terra. My throat tightens as I remember that day. Professor Kal’tsit wouldn’t trust the engineers readings on the air. He snatched her from my arms and pushed her out of the test launch pad. My throat tightened and I regretted everything, that she was close enough for Father to take out and throw out like that. But she sauntered out, jaunty, carefree and just Ama.
“You know… maybe you should let her go? Sometimes we have to say goodbye to the people and pets we love,” he whispers.
I shake my head. I won’t let my loved ones go. I look at Trevor and I hope he knows that if he was the same as Ama, I would do the same for him.
I won’t let my loved ones go.
I can’t let them go.
Last week my cat died.
Eorphus found her. She had hidden herself in one of the empty storage rooms. She was tucked underneath a shelf. They found her and rushed her straight to me. She had just died. She was still warm. She was still warm. I put her straight into a preservation chamber and I knew what I had to do.
I know that the Engineers probably preparing a little kitty tombstone with "Ama Kal'tsit - Beloved Pet" to gift to me. They can shove it up where the sun does not shine because I don't need it.
Today my cat comes back to life. I’m so close that I have to be careful. My overexcitement could ruin this all. Ruin it all completely.
I stare at the file name. Cats have nine lives. I will thwart nature to give her her tenth life. I type in "AMA-10" for the code name.
I will do what I must so she can have her tenth life. I stare at the screen and open the folders one by one. The organic android is all ready to go. I am the last step in the process. I was the one programming the neural networks. I have control over the tools it has to think with.
The blank body of the organic android stares at me. White hair in a shoulder length bob. Green eyes. An expression that I vaguely remember. The organic android looks like what Professor Kal’tsit always thought my mother looked like. He gave up few digital photos he had so the engineers could sculpt the first organic android just to look like her. He even got the tailoring department to send me a green dress and a white lab coat. Huh, the first gift he gives me and it’s to dress an organic replica of his dead wife and my dead mother.
That is the Kal'tsit way I suppose. It hurts me to have anything in common with the bastard but we just can't give up our dead. Kal'tsits' are proud. Kal'tists' don't give up. Kal'tsits don't give up anything to anybody. If that is the criteria, Ama was a Kal’tsit through and through. She was a Kal’tsit. She was proud and haughty, the very essence of a kitty. She was a part of my family. She was my only family. Ama died but I’ll do anything to have her back.
So here I am. It’s fine. I just won’t tell him who is actually in the body of the organic android. I go through the organic android prototype files. This is quite possibly the only project of mine Professor Kal’tsit ever expressed interest in. He gave me so many files, so much data that I spent so much time, with Ama on my lap, just trying to sort through it. She would occasionally sink her claws into my thigh if she wanted to get up.
Professor Kal'tsit gave a brain scan file that I’m meant to upload into the android as soon as it’s complete. Well, just because he's interested doesn't mean he understands anything about the nature of my work. It wouldn’t have worked anyway. I did run it through the compatibility programs but honestly it’s too outdated. It also wasn’t properly compiled - he scanned her as she was dying. The few thoughts that came through were just of pain and pain and the pain of dying. He didn’t listen to me when I told him that it didn’t work. It wouldn’t work. Well, if he did listen to me, that would be the miracle of the century. He doesn't listen to me.
I spin the brain scan disc along the my desk. I watch it spin around and around and around. It just wouldn’t work and I would not put THAT into my organic android. I pick up the disc card. I want to destroy it but I can’t. Logically I should be able to but I can’t. I put it back down and sigh. I hide it away in my desk drawer.
Goodbye Mother.
I stare at the screen again and make myself go through the files for the fifth time. I want to give Ama the best possible chance when she’s in her new body. I want her to have the capacity to learn. She’ll need to be able to repair herself. She’ll need to be able to sustain herself.
I don’t want her to die again.
I go through the files again to be on the safe side. Then I hit the upload button.
Today my cat came back to life.
I couldn't leave the lab. Trevor dropped by with a meal and a coffee which I devoured, without taking my eyes off the android. Trevor bundled me off to the toilet while promising me he would shout out if he saw Ama move.
"You. Are. Not. Using. The. Bucket." he said.
I went off and pissed in record time.
When I came back, the organic android was still processing the data uploaded. Trevor put a blanket over me.
"I'll tell Professor Kal'tsit that the Organic Android project is on track," he whispered before he left. I nodded although all I was doing was watching.
I saw the eyelids blink. I help my breath. I hope it all goes right. I hope it does.
Failure is not an option here. It just can't be. It can't.
“Ama… is awake?” says the android.
I get up. My legs are numb but I force myself to stumble towards the android. She looks at me and gives a slow blink. "Ama... Ama... Doctor? Doctor?"
I hug her and sob in relief.
Ama doesn’t hug me back but in the way of all cats, she lets herself be hugged.
Today my cat found her tenth life.