Archive of Our Own

“There’s a mountain lion near us?”

“Just north of Los Angeles.”

“What was her name again?”

“Nikita.”

Buck poured the soap over the dish, the soft sound of bubbles rising as he scrubbed; the sun streamed in through the kitchen window, casting a soft light over the counter. He glanced over his shoulder at Chris. The boy sat at the table with a pencil in hand and his untouched math worksheet pushed aside. The light from the window caught the edge of the paper, but it didn’t seem to be enough to draw Chris’s attention. Buck couldn’t help but notice the lack of progress, but it was hard to say anything when Chris was so eager to listen to him talk.

He remembered the first time he had rattled off some animal facts to Chris at the zoo—how curious Chris had been, how his eyes lit up at the idea of animals he'd never heard of. From there on, it had become their thing—they’d watch documentaries together, go to the zoo to see them in person, answer Chris' endless questions about the animals. It started out as just something to pass the time, but now, it felt like a special little tradition between them.

Moving on to the next dish, Buck heard the soft thud of familiar footsteps approaching the kitchen. Eddie stepped into the room, the warm glow of the sun accentuating the easy smile on his face. It was the kind of smile that made the air feel charged with something new; it always did when Eddie was near. Eddie’s gaze drifted to Chris. His eyebrows lifted in mild amusement at the empty worksheet on the table.

“Stop tricking Buck into distracting you,” Eddie gently reprimanded, though his voice was fond. 

Chris turned his head up to look at his dad, and Buck instantly knew that he would be tricking Eddie into falling victim to the distraction. “Buck was just telling me about a mountain lion in L.A.!”

“Was he?” Eddie asked, his voice amused. “And here I thought you said you wanted Buck here early to help you with your homework. That is what you said, right?” 

Eddie’s tone made it abundantly clear that he already knew the answer to that question. Buck let out a chuckle. He couldn’t help but glance at Eddie, watching the way his face softened when he looked at Christopher. Eddie was such a good dad—patient, steady, always knowing how to make Chris feel safe and loved. Buck loved seeing them together, loved the easy way they moved through the world as a team. It tugged at something deep in his chest, the kind of feeling that made him want to stay right here, in this moment, with them forever. Buck’s chest tightened as he realized just how much these moments meant to him—how much they meant to him.

“You think if I wanted his help, I would’ve called him for math?” 

“Hey, I was good at math for a bit there,” Buck protested lightly.

Chris grinned up at him, laughing as he said, “Yeah, for like, three days, Buck.”

Eddie let out an amused scoff, ruffling Chris’ hair with a teasing shove. Buck chuckled, turning back to the soapy sink; he scrubbed at the stubborn grime on a pan, working his way through the stack of dishes he'd accumulated throughout the day. A couple of hours had passed since he’d arrived at the Diaz home, cooking lunch and sitting with Chris under the pretense of helping with homework. In reality, they’d ended up talking about anything and everything but fractions and grammar.

As Buck reached for another dish, a hand brushed against his lower back, light but steady. He glanced over his shoulder, catching Eddie slipping past him to the coffee machine, his movements casual and effortless, yet leaving Buck with a strange feeling of warmth.

Eddie looked over at Buck. “You want any coffee?”

“Yeah, I already put some on,” Buck said as he grabbed two mugs from the clean dish rack and put them next to the machine. “Should be ready.”

“Want me to pour yours?” Eddie asked, opening the fridge, the sound of the magnets clinking together filling the air.

Buck did double-take as Eddie pulled out a carton of creamer. He recognized it instantly after having it stocked in his fridge for the last couple of years. He didn’t think Eddie liked it though, considering he turned it down whenever Buck offered it at his loft. Buck nodded to it, saying, “Didn’t know you drank that.”

“I don’t. You do,” Eddie pointed out simply as he started to pour the coffee. “I got it for you.”

Buck paused, blinking at him in surprise. “You did?”

“Yeah, wanted you to have what you like,” he said casually, pouring just the right amount of creamer into Buck’s coffee. Buck slowly reached out for the coffee, still taken aback by the gesture. Eddie’s fingers brushed against Buck’s as he handed it over, sending a shiver throughout Buck’s body. 

“Thank you,” Buck said in a gentle voice.

Eddie’s cheeks tinted a light pink, giving him a bashful smile. “Yeah, yeah, no problem.”

“Can I have some?” 

Buck blinked, nearly forgetting the boy was in the room. Eddie always had a way of making the rest of the world fade away. He glanced over at Christopher, who was grinning innocently up at them, a mischievous glint in his eyes. Eddie chuckled at his son, shaking his head as he began to lift the mug to his mouth. “Nice try. Go get the rest of your stuff for tonight.”

Chris groaned, standing up from the table and making his way towards his bedroom. Eddie watched his son fondly, taking a sip of his coffee. Buck felt warm all over, trying to blame the coffee in his hands. But he knew. There was something about being with the Diaz boys that felt inexplicably right. It wasn’t just comfort—it was belonging, like he’d finally found a place where every piece of him fit perfectly. It felt like home.

This is what it should feel like, Buck mused to himself. It left an almost bitter aftertaste in his mouth, the way part of him knew it would never feel this right with anyone else. 

Buck knew it didn’t feel right with Tommy. He had tried so hard to make it work, to convince himself that his connection with Tommy was everything he needed. But the more time he spent with him, the more he realized something was missing—something he couldn’t quite place. Buck thought it was telling that their breakup had felt like the most natural part of their relationship. 

But with Eddie, it was different. Everything just came naturally, like the pieces were already in place. There was a sense of familiarity, of comfort, in the way Eddie looked at him, in the way their conversations flowed effortlessly. He was pretty sure he would be chasing this feeling for the rest of his life, always searching for something that felt as easy and good as this.

His eyes trailed back over to the fridge, scanning all the various items decorating it. There were photos of him and Chris, some from a few years ago—Chris’ smile bright and innocent, Buck’s arm around him, both caught mid-laugh. A series of pictures from May’s graduation party caught his eye, and Buck grinned at the ones of him and Eddie at the photobooth, wearing ridiculous wigs and necklaces. A few magnets were scattered across the fridge. One magnet held a torn piece of paper with Buck’s phone number scrawled underneath in Eddie’s messy handwriting.

There were also drawings from Chris, the ones he’d made when he was younger, taped up in no particular order. Colorful shapes and stick figures, some of them vaguely resembling dinosaurs or spaceships, proudly displaying his name written in crayon on the bottom. As he got older, Chris insisted that his dad take them down, but Eddie refused every time. It was a messy collage of moments and memories, and as Buck’s eyes lingered on the fridge, he felt a surge of warmth, a quiet reminder of how entwined his life had become with the Diaz boys. 

The invitation for Chim and Maddie’s party caught his eye, and Buck lifted his hand up to it, gently tugging it from the magnet on the fridge. 

“Can’t believe they sent out invites for this thing,” Buck said with a chuckle. He flipped it around in his hands, scanning the design before reading over the invite details on the back.

“Think it’s been a while since they’ve had a night to themselves,” Eddie pointed out, leaning against the counter casually. “Guess they wanted to go all out.”

“Says the dress code is clothing opt- is optional,” Buck stammered, narrowing his eyes at the typed-out words. His eyes flicked back over the invite, double-checking to see if he may have misread the sentence. Glancing up at Eddie in question, he asked, “Why would he… I mean, that’s gotta be a mistake, right? Did they mean the dress code was optional? Wait, is there a dress code?”

“Guess we’ll find out.”

Buck grinned cheekily. “Didn’t realize you’d be down for that kinda thing, Diaz.”

“There’s a lot you don’t know about me, Buckley.” Eddie’s tone was light, almost teasing, but there was a subtle edge to it—a hint of something playful and suggestive that made Buck’s breath hitch for just a moment. Eddie’s smirk lingered as he looked at him, his eyes there with mischief, before he turned away like he hadn’t just left Buck scrambling to keep up.

“So, tell me about this mountain lion in L.A.,” Eddie requested, and Buck perked up again.

“North of L.A.,” Buck corrected pointedly. Eddie quirked an eyebrow at him, prompting him to continue on. “She’s this lone mountain lion in the Verdugo Mountains. When they built the cities around the mountains, she basically got trapped in.”

Buck grabbed the towel from the counter, mindlessly wiping down the cleaned plates. “They just got her documented on camera for the first time, which is a really big deal because they know she's the only mountain lion in the area now. She had a partner for a bit and had some cubs, but her partner died after the fires a couple of years back—”

“She’s alone?” Buck paused as he caught Eddie’s eye, faltering at his knitted eyebrows and small frown on his face. 

“Yeah, after her…” Buck said, his words quieter now, picking up on the shift in Eddie’s tone. “After her partner died.”

Eddie nodded sluggishly, taking a sip of his coffee, his eyes dark with a depth of emotion Buck didn’t quite know how to place. Blinking slowly, the realization came to Buck with a wave of understanding. There was a solemn look of recognition in Eddie’s eyes, like he had lived the story himself, and he had in a way, Buck realized. His gaze lingered on Eddie for a beat too long, watching as the lines in his face softened. Buck racked his brain for something to say, when finally, it came to him.

“Well, there’s actually this other mountain lion that tries to keep visiting her. His name’s Adonis,” Buck started, maintaining eye contact with Eddie. “Hasn’t seemed to work out yet. Mountain lions can be pretty solitary—Nikita especially. Maybe… maybe she’s scared to after losing so much. But I think she just needs to give him a shot.”

Eddie’s face brightened a bit as Buck finished, giving him a soft smile. Buck instantly felt lighter, his stomach fluttering at the look on his face. It was always like that with Eddie. One moment, one look… and Buck was gone. 

“Ready!” Chris called out, coming back into the room.

“Alright, let’s get going before Abuela starts to wonder where you are,” Eddie said, grabbing Chris’ backpack.

Eddie opened the front door, stepping out first and holding it open for Chris, who followed closely behind, backpack slung over one shoulder. The late afternoon sun hit them as they stepped onto the porch, casting long shadows across the yard. Buck locked the door behind him with his key. Following them out into the driveway, he tossed his keys around in his hands and walked alongside Eddie; the familiar sound of their footsteps on the pavement filled the space between them. 

Eddie reached the Jeep first and he slid into the passenger seat. Chris was already in the backseat; he settled in with a quiet huff, glancing at his phone. Buck got into the driver's seat, giving Eddie a quick nod. The engine hummed to life as Buck reached for the seatbelt, securing it across his lap. He glanced over at Eddie, catching his eye for just a moment before turning his attention back to the road.

“Ready?” Buck asked, his voice light as he shifted the car into drive. 

Eddie gave a small nod, settling back in his seat. “Let’s do it.”

It was a quiet drive, the sound of the tires on the road mixing with the soft hum of the air conditioning. Chris talked about a new science club he joined, telling Buck all about the new friends he made in it. Buck listened intently, commenting here and there. 

The car rolled to a gentle stop in front of Eddie’s abuela’s house, the low hum of the engine fading as Buck turned it off. Chris hopped out first, his backpack bouncing against his shoulder as he headed up the familiar path. Eddie followed, his steps steady but unhurried. 

Buck stayed behind, leaning casually against the car door, watching as Chris reached the porch where his abuela stood waiting. She opened her arms wide, enveloping her great-grandson in a hug before leading him inside with a kind smile. Chris turned around, waving goodbye to Buck who did the same. 

Lingering for a moment on the porch, Eddie exchanged a few quiet words with his abuela before turning back to the car. As he approached, the faintest hint of a smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. Buck pushed off the car and slid back into the driver’s seat, starting the engine as Eddie settled in beside him. Without a word, they pulled away, the house fading into the distance behind them.

Buck knew the route to his sister’s, turning onto the street with ease. After a few moments, Eddie reached forward, turning on the radio. Pop music began to fill the air and he gave Buck a pleading look before turning the dial, switching channels a few times.

“You and your pop music, man.”

“You can’t complain when I’m the one who always drives,” Buck insisted, giving Eddie a pointed look. “And I know you like it too, but I’ll let you keep denying it.”

“Whatever you say,” Eddie said as he hummed noncommittally, switching the channel again.

“What I like about you!”

Buck flushed immediately, waiting to see if Eddie would keep the station on or not. His gaze flickered over, watching as Eddie settled back into the passenger seat. He gripped the steering wheel tighter, doing his best to keep his focus locked on the road ahead. 

“You hold me tight!”

Every fiber of his being wanted to glance over at Eddie again, to gauge his reaction. 

The tequila-soaked memory pushed its way to the forefront of Buck’s mind as the song pulled him back to that tiny stage and glaring lights. If he thought about it hard enough, he could still feel Eddie’s steady hands catching him when he stumbled, the warmth of Eddie’s breath against his skin. Buck swallowed hard, his knuckles paling against the wheel as he fought to keep his face neutral.

“Keep on whispering in my ear, tell me all the things that I wanna hear.”

He didn’t think back to that night very often—well, he didn’t let himself, more like it. Because when he did, the memory hit him like a freight train. He could feel every touch, every breath, every movement, like it was happening all over again. It was in that moment, just for a heartbeat, for the first time in his life, that Buck thought he understood exactly what he wanted.

“Cause it’s true…”

But he couldn’t.

So he shoved it down, packed it away in the farthest corner of his mind. Letting himself dwell on it meant risking everything, and Buck couldn’t afford that. Not then, not now, not ever. 

Eddie hummed softly, drumming his fingers against his knee in time with the beat.

Buck’s heart flipped in his chest.

“That’s what I like about you!”

Buck just wondered if Eddie even remembered it.

Something had clearly shifted for Eddie that night, given that he ended things with Marisol just a few days later. He mentioned it to Buck in passing, and they never talked about it again. Buck wanted to press him about it, to find out if the breakup had anything to do with what happened at the bachelor party. The not knowing gnawed at him, the unanswered question taking up far too much space in his mind. But instead, like everything else, he shoved it down.

The sound of a phone dinging filled the air, ripping Buck from the memory. It was for the best, really. If he dwelled any longer in his head, he would have done something impulsive like bring it up Eddie. Eddie pulled his phone out of his pocket, reading the text. “Chim said Anne just picked Jee up for the night, so they’re pouring out shots already.”

“Better be tequila,” Buck quipped immediately.

“Can’t believe you even like tequila shots still,” Eddie said casually, locking his phone and shoving it back in his pocket. “Figured you would never be able to look at it the same way again.”

Buck froze momentarily, wondering if he was referencing the bachelor party. If he was, did that mean the song brought something up for him too? Buck shoved the idea to the back of his mind, knowing that train of thinking would go down a dangerous path. “Think I drank so much of it that my body is half tequila at this point. I need it to live.”

Eddie chuckled, nodding along before turning back to Buck. “Hey, what’s your plan for the car? You not drinking tonight?”

“I don’t think they’d let me in the door if I said I wasn’t gonna drink tonight. Just gonna leave my car at their place. I’ll Uber back and get it in the morning.”

After a bit, they finally arrived at the house. Buck turned the wheel smoothly, guiding the car into the driveway. The tires crunched softly over the gravel as he shifted into park. Eddie was already unbuckling, his hand on the door handle, while Buck let out a steadying breath.

The house was lit warmly from the inside, a soft glow spilling out onto the front porch. Buck glanced over at Eddie, who gave him a small nod before stepping out. He followed suit, the crisp evening air hitting him as he closed the car door behind him. The faint sound of laughter drifted out to greet them.

Eddie made his way to the back of the car. He popped the trunk and leaned in, grabbing the pack of beers that Buck picked up earlier in the day. The cans clinked softly as he lifted two cases out, adjusting them in his hands.

“You got the rest of the beer?” Eddie checked as he hoisted the two cases into his arms to get a better grip.

“Yep, got it,” Buck confirmed as he grabbed the other two cases from the car, balancing them briefly on his hip and using his free hand to shut the trunk. “You really think we needed this much?” 

Eddie tilted his head, reminding him, “Chim said to bring as much as we could carry.”

The two of them walked side by side toward the house, walking in comfortable silence. The cool evening air wrapped around them, and the faint scent of fresh grass lingered as they made their way up the driveway. Buck glanced over at him, catching a glimpse of Eddie's relaxed posture, and couldn't help the small smile tugging at the corner of his lips. 

They made their way up their steps and Buck lifted his elbow to ring the doorbell. The door swung open almost immediately, his sister greeting them with a wide smile. “You’re here!”

“We’re here,” Buck confirmed cheerfully, giving her half a hug as he tried his best to not hit her with the cases of beer in his arms.

“Thanks for bringing all this. Let me grab one,” Maddie offered, taking one of the cases and heading into the house. Chim came over as well to say hello, taking one of the cases from Eddie. They walked further into the house, waving at everyone in greeting. 

As they stepped inside, the familiar bustle of Maddie and Chim’s home greeted them. The low hum of all their friends' indiscernible yet happy voices spilled from the kitchen. Athena and Bobby stood by the counter with glasses in their hands, leaning casually against it, while Hen and Karen were perched on the other side, grabbing onto each other as they laugh at what must be an artfully crafted joke from Ravi. The room felt warm, filled with the familiar comfort of easy laughter. 

“Happy you two could make it,” Bobby said fondly, nodding over at Buck and Eddie.

“How could we resist after that invite?” Buck teased, turning to Chim pointedly. “Glad to see no one took you up on the clothing optional part of it.”

“That’s what I get for trying to joke about having a fancy invite for a party with nine people.” Chim looked sheepish. “Forgot to proofread.”

Eddie let out a laugh. “No kidding.”

“Well, let’s get you two a drink!” Chim exclaimed, clapping his hands together as he walked to where the alcohol was. “How many cups? Two?”

Buck gave him a bewildered look. Did Chim think they shared cups? He glanced back at Eddie in confusion, who also looked fairly thrown, before turning back to Chim. “Yeah… two cups is good.”

“He’s had a drink or two already, if you can’t tell,” Hen chimed in, laughing through the words.

“Only two?” Eddie teased, placing the case of beers down on the kitchen counter.

“And a few shots,” Ravi added helpfully. “At least two. Maybe more.”

“There it is.”

The night flowed effortlessly, the steady hum of laughter and chatter filling the air. People drifted between the kitchen and living room, grabbing drinks, exchanging stories, and catching up. The house was buzzing with energy, music playing gently in the background as the evening continued to unfold. 

The kitchen counter was lined with an assortment of appetizers—chips and dip, mini sliders, finger foods that everyone snacked on casually as the conversation flowed. Buck stuffed his face with as many sliders he could fit in his mouth. His sister tried to swat his hand away, but Buck managed to be faster this time, indulging himself as he pleased.

Eventually, Buck wandered into the living room, where the noise from the kitchen still drifted in. He sank into one of the chairs next to Bobby, a quiet space just on the edge of the chaos. The two of them exchanged a glance before turning back to take in the scene. Buck took a sip of his beer, feeling Bobby’s eyes on him.

“Where’s Tommy? Couldn’t make it?”

Buck hadn’t announced his breakup to the rest of the team. It wasn’t that he was keeping it from them, he sort of just forgot to bring it up. He wasn’t broken up about Tommy—not in the way he would’ve expected. Buck had just continued on with his life afterwards. So, it hadn’t really crossed his mind much since it happened.

“Something like that,” Buck said shortly. Bobby frowned at him, eyebrows pinched together in a silent inquiry. “I, uh… I broke up with him.”

Bobby’s eyebrows shoot up his forehead like it was the last thing he expected to hear. “You didn’t say anything.”

“I know.” Buck rubbed his hands together, as he leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees. “Just didn’t wanna dwell on it. Wasn’t a big deal.”

“Yeah?” Bobby prompted, settling back in his seat.

“Yeah, I just…” Buck started as he let out a sigh, “I just didn’t think we were a good fit for each other, you know?”

“Did something happen?”

“Nothing specific,” Buck said slowly. “He’s just sort of… weird, I guess? I don’t know. Sometimes he just says stuff that feels off.”

Bobby nodded along. “Well, if it doesn’t feel right, then it just doesn’t feel right.”

“I guess I just can’t figure out why it never feels right,” Buck said in a strained voice, shaking his head. “I can never make it work.”

Bobby let out a sound that was a mixture of a scoff and a laugh. “Buck, you know why.”

He blinked at how blunt Bobby’s voice sounded. “What? No, I don’t.”

“Yeah, you do,” he insisted. “I mean, come on, I know why. I’m pretty sure everyone else knows why. You know.”

“No, I really don’t,” Buck maintained. “Tell me.”

“Buck, why do you think you are so okay about this Tommy breakup?”

“We’re just- we’re at different places in our lives.” Staring at him for a moment, it seemed to dawn on Bobby that Buck truly had no idea where this was going. Bobby let out a sigh, pausing to collect his thoughts. “It just didn’t work.”

“Look,” Bobby began, shifting in his seat to face Buck more directly, “since I’ve known you, you’ve always been the guy who throws himself headfirst into the things and people you care about. You don’t hold back—you wear your heart on your sleeve. But with your relationships… it’s like you’ve been holding a piece of yourself back. Like you’re trying to convince yourself it’s enough when deep down, it isn’t.”

Buck frowned, opening his mouth to protest, but Bobby held up a hand to stop him. His voice was gentle as he continued, “It’s not that you didn’t care about them. You did. But the way you light up when you talk about… other people in your life—when you’re with them—that’s different. That’s all in. And I think you know that.”

Buck shook his head, still at a loss. Bobby paused, giving him a smile that was almost sad in a way. He leaned forward, clasping Buck’s shoulder with his hand and giving it a squeeze. His voice was exasperated, finally done dancing around the subject. 

“Buck, it’s Eddie.”

Oh.

Oh.

It took a moment for Buck to process Bobby's words, but when he finally did, it was like someone had just dumped a bucket of ice cold water over his head. 

The words echoed in his mind, reverberating against every thought and memory he had of Eddie—his laughter, his soft smiles, the way he always seemed to know exactly what Buck needed without Buck having to say a word. All at once, every casual touch, every lingering glance, every late-night conversation they shared fell into place, like pieces of a puzzle he hadn’t realized he was trying to solve. 

His chest tightened, and his breath caught in his throat. 

“It’s Eddie.”

Buck’s mind raced, thoughts tumbling over one another in a chaotic mess as he tried to figure out if it truly was that obvious to everyone else when it hadn’t even been obvious to him. Had he been broadcasting his feelings without realizing it for the last six years? The way he jumped to be with Eddie as much as possible, how he always took on Eddie’s problems as his own, the protective instincts that kicked in whenever Eddie was in danger… had everyone always seen what he didn’t? 

Embarrassment crept in alongside confusion, his cheeks burning as he wondered how long everyone had known—how long Eddie might have known—while he remained clueless about the truth staring him in the face. Oh god, did Eddie know?

“Bobby, you ready to go?” Athena asked, coming up from behind Bobby and rubbing his back gently. Her gaze darted between her husband and Buck, seeming to pick up on the tense atmosphere. 

Bobby gave Buck a reassuring look as he released his shoulder and stood up from his seat. “Yeah, getting pretty tired.”

“Alright, Buck, good to see you,” Athena said fondly and Buck managed to muster a smile back at her before the two walked out. 

For a few moments, all Buck could do was stare at the vacant chair across from him. The weight of his realization pressed down on him, and suddenly, Buck couldn’t remember how he had ever managed to act casually around Eddie in the first place. Had he ever been casual around Eddie at all? He replayed their life together in his head, comparing it to his romantic relationships. It struck him how much of his behavior with his significant others overlapped with how he acted with Eddie. In fact, there were things he did for Eddie that he hadn’t ever done for one of his partners. He had never been so deeply intertwined in a partner's life as he was with Eddie, nor had any partner ever been so deeply involved in his. But Buck never thought twice about it. It came as naturally to him as breathing.

There was just something about Eddie that made Buck want to crack open his chest and fuse their bodies together. There wasn’t a second that went by where he didn’t want to be with Eddie. He could never get enough. He just wanted to be with Eddie all the time. He wanted, he wanted, he wanted.

“Do you care for him? Are you romantically inclined toward this person? Do you think about him when he's not around? Are his concerns your concerns? Is his happiness at least as important to you as yours?”

Yes, yes, yes. It was all a yes. He would do anything for Eddie. He would give him the world, if he could. 

“And could you see a future there?”

He could… he really could. In fact, Buck was pretty sure he had been living that future this entire time. 

But he couldn’t let himself have it, not fully. Eddie was everything to him—his anchor, his safe place, the person he trusted more than anyone else in the world. His life with Eddie meant more to him than he could put into words. He had lost that before. It was unbearable, and he couldn’t survive losing it again.

Buck knew what was at stake. Letting himself hope for more, for something beyond what they already had, it felt like walking a razor’s edge. One misstep and he could shatter everything between them. He couldn’t risk that, not for his own selfish desires. Eddie’s presence in his life, even just as a friend, meant too much to gamble with. Inhaling deeply, he forced himself to push the feelings down, to lock them away in a part of himself he would never open. As much as he wanted to hold on, to let himself imagine what it might be like to have more, the cost was too high. 

Pushing himself up to his feet, his eyes scanned the room for Eddie. But the second his eyes found him, Buck knew he was doomed. 

His stomach flipped at the sight of Eddie’s dark brown hair, slightly tousled like he’d run his hands through it one too many times. His cheeks were flushed, a rosy hue tinting his skin. His dark eyes seemed softer than usual, almost hazy, like they were glowing under the warm light. 

An aching sensation pressed against Buck’s chest, and he rubbed his hand over it as if to soothe it.

Buck’s breath hitched as he took in the way Eddie leaned against the edge of the table, letting out a melodic laugh at something Chim had said. The faint sheen on his skin caught the light, highlighting the strong lines of his jaw and the gentle curve of his lips. Buck’s heart stuttered in his chest as he stared at the carefree, lopsided smile Eddie was sporting. There was just something about Eddie like this—unguarded, flushed, and just tipsy enough to let his edges soften—that made Buck feel like he was flying. Eddie didn’t need to do much, just exist in that moment, his warm, hazy gaze scanning the room, and Buck felt the ground beneath him slip away.

God, Buck was so incredibly screwed.

Clearing his throat to try and snap himself out of his daze, he forced himself to pull it together as much as he could. Buck would have to figure out how to navigate this new realization eventually, but he knew he wouldn’t be getting a handle on it tonight. He had to get out of there before he did something stupid. Buck made his way over to where Eddie and the others were, sucking in a deep breath to ground himself.

Eddie’s eyes found Buck instantly, somehow brightening even more. Before Eddie could say anything, Buck beat him to it with, “Hey, I think I might head out.”

“What?” Eddie’s face fell, shaking his head. “You can’t leave yet!”

“Yeah, we were just about to play True American!” Chim exclaimed, as serious as Buck had ever seen him.

Buck groaned, feeling a phantom hangover headache from the last time they played. “I really don’t think that’s a good idea—”

“We haven’t played it in ages,” Hen pressed, nudging Buck with her elbow gently. “Come on, one game and we’ll let you leave.”

“Unless you’re scared to lose again,” Ravi suggested in a coy voice, tilting his head at Buck. “And you did lose, by the way.”

“Jury’s still out on that one, probie.” 

Eddie gave Buck a hopeful look. “So, you staying?” 

Buck tried to not look over at Eddie—he really did. He knew the second he saw Eddie’s doe-eyes pleading with him, he’d give in instantly. But he was a glutton for punishment, and allowed himself one peek. Naturally, it was exactly as he feared. Eddie’s gaze was intense as always, and Buck was flooded with that familiar warm feeling. Despite himself, he let out a sigh of defeat and said, “Fine, one game.”

The others cheered as Eddie grinned widely, clapping his hand on Buck’s shoulder. Buck froze for a moment, the warmth of Eddie’s touch seeping through his shirt and sending a jolt of heat straight to his chest. The casual gesture, so familiar and natural between them, suddenly felt like it carried a weight Buck wasn’t prepared for. His heart skipped a beat, his breath catching in his throat as he forced himself not to overthink it.

He refused to make things weird between them. 

Buck just had to get past this, that was all.

They began to set up the room for the game, putting every can of beer they could find on the table in the center of the living room. A bottle of tequila sat in the middle. Chim got to work on the trail of chairs while Maddie placed pillows sporadically around on the floor. Hen and Ravi placed the beers on the floor, creating the four zones. Buck and Eddie scooched some furniture around per Karen’s instructions as she tried to figure out reasonable distances between objects. 

After a bit, everything was in place. They picked their teams by holding numbers to their heads, the people with the same numbers being on the same team. Buck ended up with Eddie, Hen, and Ravi, which he was more than pleased with. Especially, since he knew Ravi cheated last time, no matter how much he denied it. If Ravi was gonna cheat, at least it would be for Buck’s benefit this time. Each person grabbed a beer, looking at Chim expectantly to start the game. 

“One, two, three, four, JFK!” Chim shouted excitedly, breaking open his can of beer.

“FDR!” everyone chanted, beginning to chug their beers. Buck finished his quickly, tossing it to the trashcan and jumping on top of the couch. The rest finished as well, and Eddie followed Buck onto the couch. Eddie wobbled instantly and Buck let out a laugh, wrapping his arms around Eddie’s waist to stabilize him. 

Eddie’s hands fell on Buck’s shoulders, too focused on not falling to notice that Buck’s face instantly flushed from how close they were. 

The two quickly interlocked their arms, linking their elbows together as they began to chug. Buck couldn’t ignore the feeling of Eddie’s muscles pressing against his. The two only stopped when they heard the cry of, “Election year, cast your votes!”

Let True American begin.

✦✧✦✧✦

“One, two, three!” 

Everyone put a number against their head, glancing around excitedly. Eddie had the same number as Chim and Hen while Ravi had the same number as Karen and Maddie. Buck perked up, realizing his was the only number that hadn’t been the same. He pointed frantically at himself, gleefully exclaiming, “It’s me!”

The others on his team cheered and Eddie grinned widely at Buck, pointing at him and drunkenly shouting, “It’s you!”

Buck began to hop around the different pieces of furniture, desperately flailing his arms so he wouldn’t accidentally hit the floor and lose the game. Chim shouted incredibly unhelpful instructions at Buck in his continuous attempt to throw the other team off. Stepping across the table and onto the chair, Buck let out a sigh of relief, holding his beer in the air victoriously. 

Eddie let out a happy laugh before raising his beer as well, shouting, “The only thing we have to fear…”

“Is fear itself!” everyone chanted in unison before beginning to chug their beers.

Ravi was the first to finish, shouting, “Trash day!”

The rest repeated the phrase, tossing their beer cans at the makeshift recycling bin in the corner. Buck rolled his eyes when his beer can didn’t make it into the bin. A can quickly followed his but went into the bin with ease. He didn’t need to look to know it was Eddie, but he did anyway. Eddie shot him a smug look, holding out his arms innocently.

Buck really wanted to kiss that smug look off his face.

✦✧✦✧✦

Hen sat atop the makeshift throne on the kitchen table, holding a fire poker in her hand like a staff. She had a scrutinizing look in her eyes as she scanned the room, pursing her lips thoughtfully. Buck was a few chairs away, three beers in hand as he watched the scene in front of him. Eddie used bar stools flipped upside down as shoes to scooch over to the center of the room. He held onto the legs of the stools, trying to keep them steady.

“Come on, Eds,” Buck shouted excitedly, eyes wide. “Come on!”

Eddie let out a laugh, the ridiculousness of the situation seeming to cause him to break character for a moment. Buck pulled a face, knowing what was coming from breaking the moment. Hen kissed her teeth, tilting her head. “Oh no.”

“Keep going, Eddie!” Buck urged, hoping for Eddie to get as far as he could. But Eddie paused in his step at the interruptions, eyes wide as he waited for Hen’s next words.

“Eddie, you’re in the Amber Waves of Grain,” Hen shouted, fake sympathy in her voice that she topped off with a mocking pout. Eddie gaped at her incredulously, freezing in his step. “You have to…”

“Surrender your shirt!” the rest of them chanted. Eddie groaned in annoyance before accepting his fate, tugging the blue t-shirt over his head and tossing it to the corner. He ran a hand through his messy hair, pushing it out of his face.

The group cheered, but Buck couldn’t move. He truly thought he was about to have a heart attack. All he could do was stare at Eddie, his breath catching in his throat. He’d seen Eddie shirtless before—countless times, in fact. Changing in the locker rooms at work, at the gym, even around the house when he was changing quickly. But this was different. That was before Buck realized he was hopelessly in love with Eddie. 

His eyes traced the sharp cut of Eddie’s collarbone, the way it dipped into the strong lines of his chest and shoulders. The definition in his muscles was unfairly distracting, the way they shifted as Eddie lifted his drink to his lips, oblivious to the effect he was having on Buck. A faint sheen from the heat and alcohol gave his skin an almost otherworldly quality, accentuating every curve and hollow of his frame in a way that had Buck’s head spinning. He knew he should look away, join in on prompting the game further or at least pretend to be unaffected, but he couldn’t. 

Eddie had him rooted to the spot, like some force of nature that Buck was powerless to resist.

And Buck wasn’t sure how much longer he’d be able to.

✦✧✦✧✦

“Westward ho! We’re coming for your gold!” Ravi shouted in some sort of old man voice, holding the reins attached to Eddie’s pant loops. Hen tossed empty beer cans at Eddie, who was scooching across the floor with pillows taped onto his feet. Hen and Maddie sat on the board behind Ravi, both trying to scoop up as many beer cans as they could. The wheels on the plank were incredibly wobbly, and the plank swung dangerously all over the floor.

The board hit Buck’s chair, and he let out a surprised shout. He did his best to keep his balance, but he knew he was going down. Surveying the room, he hastily pushed himself off the chair and landed on the couch with a grunt, careful not to spill his beer. Buck pushed himself up, looking up with a grimace as he knew what was coming.

Karen raised her drink, shouting, “I am not a crook!” 

The rest cried out in agreement before chugging the rest of their beers and hurling them in Buck’s direction. He grabbed a cushion, using it as a shield to the best of his ability. As he continued to get pelted from every direction, he exclaimed, “Mayflower voyage! Mayflower voyage!”

The beer cans stopped flying at his head finally. Buck winced when he realized how far away the castle of beers in the center of the room were and braced himself. He heard his team cheering as he took the first leap. He hopped from pillow to pillow before reaching the middle, landing down onto one of the cushions surrounding the center table.

Picking up two beers, he pushed his thumbs under them, cracking them both open at the same time. Buck lifted the cans to his mouth and held them both a few inches away, tilting his head back as he began to pour them into his mouth. He faintly heard everyone chanting “chug, chug, chug” in the background. Buck swallowed every bit and held the empty cans up victoriously, his chest heaving as he finally caught his breath. His teammates shouted happily as the others groaned. Buck tossed the empty cans towards the bin before reaching down to grab yet another can.

He turned back to the group, but his breath got caught in his throat when he noticed the way Eddie was looking at him. His eyes were filled with such adoration that Buck thought briefly to himself that he just wanted to stay there forever. All he wanted was for Eddie to keep looking at him like that. 

Nothing else mattered.

✦✧✦✧✦

“Let’s go Babe… Ruth.”

Maddie gave her husband a pleading look as she held the crutch in her hands tightly, a determined look on her face as she held it like a baseball bat. Buck shot her a daring look, making a show of dramatically winding up his arm holding the empty beer can. He could vaguely hear Chim cheering her on, but drowned it out. Tossing the beer can in the air, Buck held his breath. 

Maddie swung the bat, and the sound of metal hitting metal filled the air. Well, as much sound that could be made from an empty beer can hitting a crutch. Cheering filled the air as the beer can went flying over Buck’s head, landing in the primary bedroom. Buck turned back around, joining in as the whole group exclaimed, “Grand slam!”

Instantly, everyone was moving from their spots, hastily trying to hop from object to object to complete a circle around the room. Buck hadn’t noticed Eddie going in the same direction until he nearly bumped into him. Swinging his arms to stop himself, he waited until Eddie was on the table to make his move. 

Eddie held his hand out to Buck, hoisting him onto the table. Buck’s breath hitched as their bodies pressed together. It was impossible to ignore the feeling of Eddie’s warm skin beneath his fingertips, and Buck couldn’t help but notice every inch of Eddie’s skin with his shirt being across the room. Before he could do something stupid, Buck tore his eyes away and surveyed the room. 

Though it was quick, he knew he saw Chim’s foot hit the ground on his way to the pot on the floor.

“Hey! He stepped off the couch,” Buck shouted, pointing hastily at Chim. “He stepped in the lava!”

“I did not,” Chim insisted, his balance wobbling horribly.

But Buck wouldn’t let up, not considering this was the exact situation that made him lose the last time. “Yes, you did, Chim.” 

“There’s only one way to settle this,” Hen reminded them, holding up the single dice in her hand. Buck wasn’t even sure how she got the dice, or if she just had it in her pocket waiting for this to come up.

The rule didn’t make sense, but then again, nothing in this game did. They just decided that whenever there was a disagreement, they got past it by rolling the dice. It kept the game moving, at least. Two people would have to go along with what the dice decided. Everyone in the group would pick a number one to three and the dice had different options for what the people would have to do. 

The group sat in a circle, Hen holding the dice tauntingly. She shook it around in her hand a few times before tossing it to the floor. The dice rolled a few times as the group waited with baited breath. It finally settled and had “Clinton Edition” facing the ceiling. Buck held back a groan. He didn’t understand why the group even added this one. They made it when they were drunk, in all fairness, but still. Buck wasn’t sure why they added an option where two of them would have to kiss. 

“Alright, whoever goes back there… you know the rules,” Hen said firmly, her eyes landing on Buck. He squinted at her in question. Rather than answer, she just shifted her focus to look at Eddie instead. “The dice has decided. The two who go behind the Iron Curtain have to kiss.”

Buck glanced around, unsure what he was looking for exactly. His eyes fell on Eddie, who just shot him a lopsided smile, a drunk haze in his eyes. Buck couldn’t help but sit up a bit straighter, gazing over at his best friend fondly. 

“Alright, numbers people!” Chim exclaimed. The group prepared themselves, looking around. 

“Three… two… one!” Buck shouted, putting the number two against his forehead.

Chim let out a booming laugh with the number one pressed against his head, leaning back as he pointed loosely in front of him with his other hand. Hen pulled her lips in, doing her best to stifle her laugh as she lowered her hand holding up the number three. Buck’s eyebrows knit together in confusion, glancing around momentarily before he realized why the two were laughing.

Eddie was holding the number two to his forehead.

Buck’s eyes widened, his mouth falling open slightly in surprise. “Uh…”

Ravi clapped his hands together. “Rules are rules.”

“I—” Buck tried, his mind racing. He dared to look over at Eddie. He stared back, likely sporting the same look on Buck’s face. 

“Get to it,” Hen said gleefully, gesturing to the bathroom. “Remember we need evidence.”

Buck gaped at Hen momentarily before he noticed Eddie standing up. He watched in surprise, frozen in place. Eddie held a hand out to Buck, lifting his eyebrows expectantly. Letting out a sigh, he placed his hand into Eddie’s. The warm touch flooded his body like it always did, calming Buck instantly. Eddie pulled Buck to his feet with ease. Buck hadn’t realized how close they would be, their shoulders pressing against each other. Buck had to bite back a gasp when his eyes met Eddie’s, his gaze more intense than Buck had ever seen it. He swallowed thickly, finding himself unable to move.

“Aren’t you supposed to do the kiss in the bathroom?” 

Buck inhaled sharply at the sound of Ravi’s question, jumping back from Eddie. He blinked as he pulled himself back to reality. Taking a small step back, he couldn’t help but feel unsettled by the loss of Eddie’s touch. Eddie cleared his throat, his gaze darting away like he’d just been caught doing something he wasn’t supposed to.

“Behind the Iron Curtain,” Karen corrected pointedly. “But also, yes.”

Rubbing his hands over his jeans, Buck nodded once. “Yeah. Thanks, probie.”

Making his way toward the bathroom, Buck could hear the hushed voices of the others behind him. The muffled laughter and teasing whispers were just barely audible over the pounding in his ears. His steps felt heavy; each one dragged him closer to something he wasn’t sure he could handle. Though he didn’t dare to glance over his shoulder, Buck couldn’t help but wonder what Eddie’s face looked like right now. He was desperate to know if Eddie felt as flushed as Buck, or if he was unshaken, as if this was just another thing they did. 

A wave of dizziness rushed over him as the reality of the situation sank further and further in. Just a couple of hours ago, Buck’s feelings for Eddie had hit him like a truck. Now, on the very same night, Buck would be kissing Eddie. It felt surreal, like the universe was playing some kind of cruel, ironic joke. 

The air felt warmer somehow, heavier, like the tension between them was something tangible. His pulse thundered in his ears as he reached the door and paused, hand hovering over the handle. Behind him, Eddie’s voice cut through the quiet, soft and steady. “You good?”

Buck turned slightly, meeting Eddie’s eyes for just a moment. His stomach flipped. “Yeah,” he lied, his voice hoarse. “Totally.”

Buck pushed the door open, stepping inside and holding it long enough for Eddie to follow. The faint buzz of fluorescent lights humming above them filled the air. The space was small, too small, and the moment Eddie stepped in beside him, Buck felt the air grow heavier. The door clicked shut behind them, cutting off the muffled sounds of laughter from the others, leaving only the quiet echo of their breaths in the tiled room. Buck shoved his hands into his pockets, avoiding Eddie’s gaze, though he could feel it burning holes in his clothes.

Lingering by the sink, Buck’s fingers twitching as he resisted the urge to do something—adjust his shirt, tap on the counter, anything to distract from the weight of the moment. Eddie, on the other hand, seemed calm as ever. He leaned back against the wall with his arms crossed, watching Buck with an unreadable expression that Buck didn’t know what to do with.

Buck couldn’t tell if Eddie’s calm demeanor was genuine or just a mask, and he wasn’t sure which he preferred. If Eddie really was that at ease, it meant one of two things: either the kiss didn’t mean anything to him, or he felt so comfortable with Buck that it didn’t feel like a big deal. Both possibilities twisted something in Buck’s chest, though he couldn’t quite name what.

On the other hand, if it was a mask, then it could mean that Eddie was just trying to hide how much he didn’t want to go through with this. The thought alone was like twisting a knife in his chest. But there was another possibility, one that Buck barely dared to let himself hope for—that Eddie might actually want the kiss and was just trying to hide it. That idea sent Buck’s heart into overdrive, though he quickly pushed it aside, chalking it up to wishful thinking and nothing more. 

He couldn’t let himself think like that.

“You’re really bad at pretending you’re not nervous,” Eddie said, breaking the silence. Buck glanced over at him and Eddie met his gaze, though he didn’t look as sure of himself as he did a minute ago. Buck knew Eddie was trying to dispel the tension, but he just wasn’t sure that was possible.

“I’m not nervous,” Buck shot back quickly, though the flush creeping up his neck betrayed him.

Eddie chuckled softly, the sound filling Buck with a comforting warmth despite the situation. “Sure you’re not.”

Buck’s thoughts raced, his mind flipping between a thousand different what-ifs. He could just get it over with—that was what the rational part of him said. One quick kiss, laugh it off, walk back out there like it hadn’t ruined him for anyone else, because he knew it would. He could rip the bandaid off, despite knowing the wound would never heal. 

This wasn’t something he could leave past the glass doors.

Or, well, the bathroom door.

Because this wasn’t just anyone—this was Eddie. Once Buck crossed that line, even if it was just for some stupid game, how was he supposed to go back? How was he supposed to look Eddie in the eye tomorrow, next week, next year , and pretend it hadn’t changed everything? What if it didn’t change anything at all for Eddie, and Buck had to live with knowing it hadn’t meant a thing to Eddie while it meant everything to him?

“You sure you’re okay?”

“Do we try to wait them out?” Buck offered, hiking his shoulders up slightly.

Eddie froze as if he wasn’t expecting that. After a moment, he nodded once, sitting down on top of the toilet lid. “Uh, yeah, sure.”

Buck sunk down to the floor, leaning against the door. The bathroom felt impossibly small now, the silence stretching between them like a taut wire. Buck stared at the tiled floor, tracing the grout lines with his eyes as he tried to ignore the weight of Eddie’s presence just a few feet away. His hands rested awkwardly on his knees, fidgeting as he fought the urge to say something.

He glanced up briefly, catching Eddie leaning forward slightly from his spot on the lid of the toilet, his forearms resting on his thighs as he stared at the floor too. His brow was furrowed, his lips pressed into a thin line like he was lost in his own thoughts. Buck wasn’t sure how much time had passed, but given how relentless the group outside tended to be, he figured not much. They wouldn’t let them stew in this for too long without pressing for information.

“You guys know you don’t get bonus points for doing more than kissing, right?” Chim shouted through the door. Laughter filled the air and Buck felt his face go red. Right on schedule, Buck thought to himself.

“Haven’t gotten to it yet,” Buck said back, tilting his head back to rest against the door.

He heard Hen hum for a moment before exclaiming, “Well, get to it!”

Buck shook his head, sighing heavily. He glanced over at Eddie, noticing he was already staring at Buck. Offering him a gentle smile, Buck just hoped Eddie wasn’t feeling uncomfortable with all of this. All Buck knew was that there was no one he felt safer with than Eddie, and he just wanted to make his best friend feel the same way. He would do anything for Eddie.

“Let’s just do it so they let us out of here,” Eddie said finally with a shrug.

Buck paused. “You sure?”

“Yeah, man. It’s the only way we’re getting out.”

“Alright,” Buck agreed in a strained voice, trying to hold it together the best he could. He just prayed Eddie wouldn’t notice how badly he really wanted to kiss him. 

Buck stood up from where he was on the floor, just in time for Eddie to begin to kneel down in front of Buck.

More specifically, his groin.

He watched Eddie’s eyes widen in shock as he realized where his face was. 

Buck could only laugh at the absurdity of it, because if he thought too hard about Eddie kneeling in front of him he might have done something much worse than bark out, “What are you doing?”

Eddie shot up from the floor, his face flushing a bright red as he sputtered out, “I thought you were sitting on the ground!” 

“No, I was gonna get up,” Buck explained gleefully, gesturing loosely to where he was just sitting.

Eddie threw his back and groaned in embarrassment, walking back towards the center of the bathroom. Buck caught Eddie’s arm, shaking his head as he tugged him back gently.

“Okay, Eddie, hey, this is not a big deal.”

“Okay, not a big deal,” Eddie repeated, his voice exasperated. 

“Let’s just do this,” Buck added, as Eddie said, “Fine, let’s just do it.”

“Okay, great, yeah.” Buck positioned himself in front of Eddie, scooching closer to him. He hastily got his phone out of his pocket, waving it awkwardly to show Eddie what he was doing. However, Eddie looked momentarily confused before Buck set the phone up on the sink, making sure to document this so the others would believe them. Eddie nodded, letting out a short breath.

Buck turned back to Eddie, placing his hands on Eddie’s arms as he stared down at him. Eddie stared intently back at Buck, his face still flushed. Buck swallowed thickly, licking his lips before asking, “Do you like tongue?”

As soon as the words left his mouth, Buck wished the floor would open and swallow him up. Eddie blinked once before saying, “Do I like tongue?”

“I don’t wanna put my tongue in your mouth if you don’t like it!” Buck defended, feeling his face heat up. His heart began to race as the reality of the situation began to truly sink in. He was about to kiss Eddie. Holy shit—he was about to kiss Eddie.

“Just kiss me!” Eddie exclaimed.

“Alright, great! That’s what I’m about to do,” Buck said, placing his hands on either side of Eddie’s head carefully. His skin felt hot beneath his fingers, and it felt like his touch was melting into Eddie. “Ready?”

Eddie sucked in a sharp breath. “Yeah.”

“Alright, one, two—I’m actually not gonna do a count,” Buck stopped himself awkwardly, letting out a strained chuckle. “That’s not what I do when I kiss.”

He wasn’t sure why he wanted Eddie to know that so badly. Usually, Buck was good at this sort of thing, and Eddie had to know that. Eddie’s lips twitched into a fond smile, saying, “I figured as much.”

“Right,” Buck said with a laugh. He paused once more, just staring at Eddie. His head began to spin, his lips tingling as if needing to be on Eddie’s already. But he couldn’t move. He just stood there and stared, his heart pounding in his chest with anticipation. 

“Want me to try?” Eddie offered gently.

Buck nodded quickly, his hands falling awkwardly to his sides. “Yeah.”

“Alright,” Eddie agreed, his hands going to hold Buck’s arms. He cleared his throat, huffing out once as he prepared himself. 

Eddie leaned in, his eyes staying locked onto Buck’s. As he moved in, Buck tilted his head instinctively, and the closer he got to Eddie, the more he was filled with pure, unadulterated want. He wanted so badly. He needed Eddie’s lips against his. It hit Buck like a train, just how badly he wanted Eddie. It was as if there was a magnetic pull tugging Buck closer and closer, his eyes just beginning to flutter shut. His mind was racing. It was always Eddie— it was always Eddie. 

Every person he dated… every person he kissed… it all led back to wanting Eddie. Every misplaced feeling, every deflection, all of it. The entire time, he just wanted Eddie—and finally, he was about to have him. 

They were just inches apart, and Buck felt a wave of déjà vu rush over him. The position was familiar, and he knew why. No matter how hard he tried to forget it, he knew it was no use. 

He had been here before.

“What I like about you!” 

The bass thumped so loudly Buck could feel it in his bones, the vibrations matching the erratic rhythm of his heartbeat. Every beat of the music seemed to pulse through him, syncing with the frantic energy coursing through his veins. He and Eddie stood side by side on the tiny stage, microphones in hand. The lights above them flashed in time with the music, casting erratic shadows across their faces.

“You hold me tight!” Buck sang loudly, jumping up and down.

Eddie lifted his microphone. “Tell me I'm the only one…”

He pointed at Buck, who took it as his cue to finish the line. “Wanna come over tonight, yeah!”

Buck slung an arm around Eddie, his fingers grazing Eddie’s sweat-slicked skin. The two sang together, belting out, “Keep on whispering in my ear, tell me all the things that I wanna hear.”

Eddie’s arm fell, looking at Buck expectantly. Buck sang, “Cause it’s true…”

Buck lifted his own microphone up to Eddie’s mouth, who simply sang into it, “That’s what I like about you!”

Grinning widely at him, the two began to dance around the stage. Buck belted out the lyrics with all the drunken enthusiasm he could muster, his voice cracking on a particularly high note. Eddie, no better off, leaned into the microphone and sang the next line, his deep voice blending terribly yet somehow perfectly with Buck’s.

“That’s what I like about you!” Buck sang as he pointed dramatically at Eddie, and he returned the gesture with a wink that made Buck feel warm all over.

The final chords of the song rang out, and they threw their arms around each other, leaning heavily for support as they panted from their performance. Buck's cheeks hurt from smiling, and his vision swam just enough to remind him of how many drinks he'd had.

“Yeah! There you go,” Eddie praised, beaming at Buck proudly. Buck preened at him, his chest fluttering. “Told you it would be fun.”

As they stepped down from the stage, Buck’s foot caught on the edge of the step, and he stumbled forward. Eddie was there in an instant, his hands steady on Buck’s arms as he kept him from face-planting onto the sticky floor.

Buck blinked up at him, his breath catching. Eddie’s warm, brown eyes locked onto his, and for a moment, the world tilted in a way that had nothing to do with the alcohol. Time seemed to stretch, and Buck couldn’t help but notice the way Eddie’s grip on him felt solid and safe, like he was the only thing keeping Buck grounded.

It washed over him quickly, the realization of just how badly he wanted to press their lips together. 

The rush of it almost knocked him off balance again, as if the world tilted just a bit beneath his feet. He felt dizzy with want, a hot, suffocating kind of yearning that left him breathless. He wanted the closeness, the touch, the way Eddie’s presence made him feel more alive than he had in years. He wanted Eddie in a way he wasn’t sure he was ready to face, but even if he could deny it, every bit of him screamed otherwise.

He wanted, he wanted, he wanted. 

Buck swayed a little closer, the space between them narrowing until there was almost none left. Eddie’s breath brushed against his cheek, and Buck’s heart thudded louder than the music. Eddie’s hand lifted slightly, his eyes wide and glossy. He leaned in tentatively, and Buck matched each movement. Their lips were so close now that—

“Hey! Who’s ready for shots?” a slurred voice bellowed from the crowd, shattering the moment like glass.

They sprang apart as if burned, Eddie’s hands dropping to his sides while Buck scrambled to steady himself. A stumbling party guest shoved a tray of tequila shots into their vicinity, oblivious to the tension that had just hung between them.

Buck swallowed hard, forcing a grin and reaching for one of the tiny glasses. Eddie did the same, but his hand lingered on the tray just a second longer than necessary, his knuckles brushing Buck’s.

Lifting the shot to his lips, he downed it in one swift motion. For once, the liquor searing his throat was a welcome burn, a distraction from everything that had just happened. He glanced over at Eddie, a troubled look on his face, staring at the empty shot glass in his hands. Buck couldn’t stand how distressed Eddie looked. He never wanted to be one of the things in Eddie’s life that tormented him. He wouldn’t let that happen.

And so, he shoved it down—deep down—and made the decision to act like his entire world wasn’t just flipped on its head.

“Man, I can’t believe Chim is missing this!”

Buck could do this.

He could just keep pretending.

Besides, maybe neither of them would even remember.

Buck never forgot what happened—how could he?

Maybe none of that mattered now. Maybe all that mattered was this moment here and now, where he finally could have everything he wanted. Where he could finally have Eddie. 

But then Eddie froze.

“I- I can’t do this,” Eddie said, slowly leaning back. “I thought I could, but I just…”

Buck’s heart dropped, a wave of nausea coming over him. He tried to blame it on the alcohol, but the truth sat like lead in his stomach. Taking a step back, Buck did his best to muster some sort of reassuring look on his face. He nodded quickly, racking his head for something to say. 

“No, I get it, alright? I didn’t mean to make you feel weird,” Buck said tightly, waving his hand dismissively. His mind was racing, scolding himself for going along with it, for letting himself think Eddie might want to kiss him. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Eddie shook his head. “Buck, that’s not it—”

“You don’t need to explain yourself,” Buck assured him, wishing more than ever that he could crawl out of his own skin. “I didn’t mean to push. I was just going along with the game—”

“No, it just wasn’t meant to be like this,” Eddie groaned out finally. Buck sucked in a sharp breath, freezing in his step. 

“Like this?” Buck repeated carefully as he tilted his head slightly. “What… what does that mean?”

Eddie’s expression faltered, his doe eyes wide and unguarded, like a deer caught in the headlights. His mouth opened as if to say something, but no words came. Instead, he just stood there, his lips parting and closing as though he was searching for an explanation he didn’t have.

The air between them felt thick, heavy with something neither had ever dared to want. As if six years of tension had been poured into the room, finally crushing them until they broke. The only thing that Buck could hear was the sound of his own pulse in his ears, his hands clenched at his sides as he waited, hoping Eddie would say something, anything, to break the tension.

Eddie finally let out a shaky breath, his gaze dropping to the floor. “I just…” he started, but the words died before they could form. Buck’s stomach twisted painfully, every painful thought echoing in his head.

“Eddie,” Buck said softly, his voice barely above a whisper. For the first time, he was at a loss for words. He didn’t know how to move on from this moment—torn between comforting Eddie against whatever was going on inside his mind while also trying to stop himself from unraveling completely.

But before either of them could say another word, the bathroom door suddenly swung open with a loud creak, cutting through the tension like a knife. Hen stood there, an expectant look on her face. Buck didn’t miss how her face fell just slightly at the sight in front of her, making note to prod about that later. 

“Anne called,” Hen explained. “She’s on her way to drop Jee off, so we’re calling the game. It’s a tie.”

“No, we won! Chim touched the lava!” Buck exclaimed in protest, knowing exactly what was coming next.

And on cue, Buck heard his friend cry out, “I did not!”

✦✧✦✧✦

The cold night air hit Buck’s skin as he waited outside, the chill doing little to settle the storm of emotions roiling inside him. Eddie stood a few steps away, his hands shoved into his pockets. Silence filled the air as the two waited for their Ubers. 

The night had been quickly sorted, Anne dropping Jee off at home while the rest of the group called cars to take them home. Now, the two of them stood outside, not saying a word. The distant hum of passing cars filled the silence, but it only seemed to amplify the tension hanging between them. Buck stared down the street, his hands jammed into his jacket pockets, fingers curling into fists to keep them from trembling.

He stole a glance at Eddie out of the corner of his eye, who stood a few feet away. His shoulders were slightly hunched against the cold and his gaze was fixed on the pavement. The tension in his jaw and the way his foot tapped lightly against the ground gave away his nerves. Buck shifted his weight from one foot to the other, overwhelmed with the urge to say something. But he felt like every word that might come out of his mouth would either make things worse or expose him entirely. Eddie let out a soft sigh, his breath visible in the frosty air. The sound made Buck’s chest tighten, the ache spreading in a way he didn’t know how to stop.

The screen of Eddie’s phone lit up in his hand, and he glanced down at it briefly. “Three minutes,” he said, his voice low and clipped.

Buck nodded, his own phone still clutched in his hand, though he hadn’t checked it since they walked outside. He wasn’t sure he trusted himself to focus on the screen without dropping it. “Yeah. Mine, too.”

Another silence stretched between them, longer this time, heavier.

Buck hated it.

Things were never like this between them. Conversation came naturally, like second nature. Their rhythm was effortless, something he’d always taken for granted. But now, with each passing second of this charged quiet, it felt like something fundamental had shifted. The weight of it pressed against his chest, suffocating him, his thoughts swirling in circles. This was exactly what he didn’t want.

This wasn’t them. 

This wasn’t how they were supposed to be.

A car pulled up, and since Buck didn’t recognize the license plate, he figured it must be for Eddie. His thought is confirmed when Eddie waved loosely at the driver, who waited down the driveway.

“We’re fine, right?” Buck checked, needing to know before letting Eddie walk away.

Eddie faced Buck briefly before holding up a hand to the driver to hold on a minute. He turned back to Buck, nodding at him. “Yeah, of course we are.”

Buck nodded, despite every fiber of his being believing otherwise. “Right, yeah. No, that’s good.”

Silence filled the air once more. Eddie watched Buck with careful eyes, as if playing out his next move in his head. After a few beats, Eddie shuffled closer to Buck, putting his hand on his shoulder. Buck leaned into the touch, needing the security of it. Eddie’s thumb grazed Buck’s skin, sending a shiver down his spine. Buck bit back a gasp, doing his best to hold himself together. Once Eddie seemed to sense Buck had calmed under his touch, he held his shoulder tighter.

“This doesn’t change a thing between us,” Eddie told him gently, holding Buck’s gaze.

Buck had heard those words before.

He hated them even more now than he did then.

Trying to keep himself together, he opted for an attempt at breaking the tension. “Right, except… now we can finally say we won a game of True American.”

It felt like a reward the way Eddie smiled at him. A small, reluctant curve of his lips that softened his features and made Buck’s heart stutter in his chest. It wasn’t the kind of smile he’d expected after everything, but it was enough to make him feel like they were, at least for this moment, okay.

“Eh, Chim might have something to say about that,” Eddie said, his tone a bit lighter than it had been before.

“Doesn’t he always?”

Eddie chuckled, and suddenly everything didn’t feel as horrible as it did a few minutes ago. Buck just hoped that meant they could go back to normal. The sound of another car pulling up filled the air, causing the two to separate. Eddie’s hand slipped off Buck’s shoulder as the headlights of the Uber illuminated the quiet street. The brief touch left a lingering warmth, and Buck couldn't shake the feeling that something had shifted, even if he wasn’t sure what.

Buck looked over Eddie’s shoulder, giving him a quick, hesitant glance. “Guess that’s mine,” he said, his voice quieter now.

Eddie nodded slowly, his voice gentle as he said, “Goodnight, Buck.”

“Goodnight,” Buck said softly, turning to make his way towards the car. He jumped as a hand grasped his elbow, pulling him backwards. Buck stumbled briefly, his eyebrows furrowing together in confusion as Eddie tugged his arm. 

Before he could think any further about it, Eddie was pulling Buck in and slamming their lips together.

Everything blurred. 

Time stretched, slowing to a crawl.

The world around them disappeared—the noise of the street, the hum of distant cars, even the ground beneath their feet. All Buck could feel was the heat of Eddie’s lips moving against his own, the way their breaths mingled, hot and unsteady. He leaned into it, letting Eddie guide him, his head spinning as if gravity itself had shifted, pulling him into Eddie and nowhere else.

A single, fleeting thought passed through his mind: Please, please, let me stay here forever.

His lips melted against Eddie’s, Buck’s hands falling onto his broad shoulders. Eddie’s hands slid up Buck’s side. He pulled him further and further towards him as if Eddie was trying to fuse their bodies together. Buck pulled Eddie closer, needing to feel every part of him. He was sure Eddie was trying to devour Buck from the way he was kissing him, and Buck would let him. 

Buck would let Eddie take any part of him—it had been his from the beginning anyway. 

Buck’s lips moved with urgency, and Eddie matched every movement. Each second pulled him in further and further. His body burned with the intensity of it, a fire spreading through his veins. Buck’s hands explored each inch of Eddie’s body, moving rapidly as he tried to savor every second the kiss lasted. Eddie’s thumb rested on Buck’s neck, pressing into Buck’s pulse point. Buck melted into his touch, the movement grounding him like it always did.

As they pulled apart, Eddie leaned back in and pressed their lips together again for a short moment before pulling back. Buck chased Eddie’s lips one last time, needing one more taste. The two paused as they panted into each other’s mouths. Neither made a move to walk away; neither moved a muscle. Buck was terrified to move. He was sure if he moved, he would wake up and this would have all been in his head. He stood perfectly still as his mouth tingled with want. Eddie slowly inched his hand down from where it sat on the side of Buck’s face, gently swiping his thumb over Buck’s bottom lip.

Eddie swallowed, looking up at Buck with dark eyes. “I meant something like that.”

Buck stared down at Eddie with wide eyes, finding himself at a loss for words for the first time ever. His mind was racing, yet it was impossible to string together a single coherent sentence. 

Before Buck could process what had just happened, Eddie walked away, leaving him frozen in place. His heart pounded in his chest, his mind scrambling to catch up with the reality of it. Buck blinked a few times, his breath shallow as the world seemed to slow around him. He barely registered Eddie getting into his car until the sound of the car door slamming shut broke him from his trance. For a moment, Buck just stood there, numb, unsure if his body was still functioning properly. 

This doesn’t change a thing between us.

The words echoed in Buck’s mind, lingering like a ghost he couldn’t shake.

His Uber driver beeped at him, and Buck shook his head, realizing he was still standing in the driveway. With a deep breath, he finally forced himself to move. He slid into the backseat of the car, the door shutting with a soft thud behind him. As the door clicked into place, the feeling of being enclosed in the space was oddly grounding, though it did little to steady his racing heart. The driver wordlessly pulled away from the house, steering the car towards the direction of his apartment.

Buck leaned back into the seat, his head resting against the cool leather. His body felt heavy, the weight of everything pressing down on him, but his mind was blank.

The only thing he could muster was: “Holy shit.”

✦✧✦✧✦

The next morning, Buck almost wanted to text Eddie to ask if that really happened. 

He couldn’t, obviously—but he wanted to.

Rubbing his face, he groaned into his hands and flopped back against the couch. He hadn’t even made it to his bed last night, falling asleep in the clothes he had worn to Chim and Maddie’s. By some miracle, he wasn’t that hungover. He felt a bit off, but nothing like last time they played True American. He saw some empty glasses next to his bed and mentally thanked drunk Buck for chugging some water. Small mercies. There was a dull ache in his head, but he was pretty sure that could be chalked up to the relentless questions pounding his skull. 

His mind was on a loop, replaying the kiss over and over again, a small part of his brain wondering if he just imagined it. But he knew the truth—it was real. 

It was all too real the way Eddie had leaned in, so sure, so steady. Buck could still feel the press of Eddie's lips against his, the warmth of it blooming across his chest. 

It was real.

And now, Buck had no idea what to do with himself.

He sat up abruptly, running a hand through his hair, his heart thudding like it had just happened all over again. His mind was reeling, running rampant as it fired question after question. Did Eddie regret it? Did it even mean anything? God, why didn’t he say something when it happened? Why didn’t either of them?

Well, Eddie did say one thing.

“I meant something like that.”

The words played over and over in his head, taunting him. So, Eddie did want to kiss him, Buck was pretty sure. That had to be what he meant by that, right? But then the other half of his brain kicked in, and he managed to talk himself out of it completely. He didn’t know if he was more terrified of what it meant for them—or what it didn’t.

Buck glanced at his phone on the coffee table—no text, no calls. The silence was deafening. He grabbed it anyway, unlocking it only to stare at the blank screen, his thumb hovering over Eddie’s name. 

“What the hell do I even say?” he muttered under his breath, tossing the phone back onto the table. He leaned forward, elbows braced on his knees, trying to calm the storm in his chest.

Buck had no idea how to go about this. He had never been in this kind of position before. Well, he supposed he had, back at the bachelor party when they almost kissed. After that, Buck let them both just go about their lives as if that hadn’t happened. But he wasn’t sure he could do that this time. Not now that he knew what Eddie’s lips tasted like. Not now when he knew how it felt to have Eddie’s hands roaming his body. Not now that he actually got to have Eddie.

He couldn’t let him go.

Before he could talk himself out of it, he was grabbing his phone off the table and unlocked it. Pulling up his speed dial list, he pressed the first number on it and held the phone up to his ear. Buck let out a breath, doing his best to ground himself as the persistent ringing filled his ear. 

Ring… ring… ring…

“Hey, this is Eddie,” his voicemail recited and Buck couldn’t decide if he felt relieved or even more stressed that Eddie hadn’t picked up. “Leave me a message and I’ll get back to you when I can, thanks.”

Beep.

“Hey, Eddie,” Buck started as he heaved out a sigh. “Just… call me back, man, okay? I think we should talk.”

Buck’s head dropped into his hands again, a frustrated sigh escaping him. He let his phone fall out of his hands and onto the bed, having no need for it if he couldn’t talk to Eddie. Flopping back onto his pillow, he held his hands behind his head, staring at his ceiling. 

His phone let out a ding and he scrambled for it, eyes widening as his heart began to pound in his chest. Buck deflated when he saw it was from Chim. The text read: Hey, u wanna come pick up ur car?

He really didn’t. The last thing Buck wanted to do right now was get out of bed, he really just wanted to wallow, if he was being honest. But another part of him was itching to do something, anything, to get his mind off everything. His body was buzzing, and he knew he would go even more insane if he sat around. Sending back a simple affirmative text, he forced himself out of bed before he could convince himself otherwise. 

Buck didn’t even consider calling another Uber. His hands moved on autopilot, tugging a pair of running shorts from the drawer and slipping them on. The tight fit felt grounding, the slight resistance against his skin reminding him he was still here, still capable of motion. He pulled on a lightweight shirt, the fabric clinging a little as he stretched, and laced up his sneakers with practiced efficiency. The act of getting dressed was methodical, almost mechanical—something to quiet the noise in his head, if only for a moment.

Stepping outside with a shaky breath, he welcomed the crisp air, sucking in a deep breath to ground himself. The early sun streaked through the trees, casting long shadows across the sidewalk as he began to run. The rhythmic slap of his shoes against the pavement filled his ears, but it wasn’t enough to drown out the noise in his head. Buck tightened his jaw as he picked up his pace. He tried to tell himself it was fine. Eddie was probably busy—sleeping in, spending time with Chris, doing anything but sitting by his phone. Logical explanations lined up in his mind. None of them stuck.

Maybe it was just too much for Eddie.

Maybe Buck was just too much for him.

Too much and not enough, all at the same time.

It was almost funny, in a cruel, cosmic kind of way. He’d spent years trying to be what everyone needed, and somehow, he always fell short.

The memory of the kiss surged forward, vivid and relentless. Buck’s chest ached with the weight of it. He couldn’t stop replaying it, couldn’t stop wondering if it had been a mistake—if Eddie thought it was. His strides lengthened, muscles burning as he pushed himself harder. The world around him blurred. His mind was louder than his surroundings, louder than his ragged breaths and the pounding of his heartbeat.

The questions clawed at him, each one heavier than the last. His lungs screamed for air, but he didn’t slow down. He couldn’t.

Buck’s feet hit the pavement harder with each step, his breath coming in shallow gasps. His thighs and calves burned to the point where Buck couldn’t pretend to not notice it anymore. He pushed himself harder, his strides long and uneven, like he was trying to outrun the thoughts that refused to leave him alone.

Not enough. 

His lungs burned, each inhale feeling sharper, like he was dragging in air through a straw. Sweat dripped down his temples, stinging his eyes and clinging to his shirt. The ache in his chest spread with every step. He wasn’t sure if it was from the exertion or from the weight of his thoughts he couldn’t shake off.

Too much. 

Buck turned a corner too quickly. His foot slipped slightly on the damp pavement. He caught himself, barely slowing down, and powered forward, ignoring the sharp protest from his ankle. The pain was grounding in a way, something tangible to focus on instead of the storm of emotions swirling inside him.

Not enough. 

His arms pumped harder, his fists clenching as if he could fight off the doubts creeping in. The rhythmic thud of his shoes against the ground matched the pounding in his head—loud, relentless, impossible to ignore. He felt the pull in his hamstrings, the fire in his quads, and the tightness in his chest, but he didn’t slow. His feet kept moving, propelling him forward like if he ran fast enough, hard enough, the answers would somehow find him.

Too much.

The final stretch toward Maddie and Chim’s house was a blur. His legs were heavy, his knees barely lifting as he pushed through the last block. By the time he reached the driveway, his whole body felt like it was vibrating—skin slick with sweat, lungs raw, muscles trembling from the effort.

Buck stopped abruptly, bending forward with his hands on his knees, his chest heaving as he tried to suck in enough air to calm the wild rhythm of his heart. His body screamed in protest, but his mind was louder. The run had done nothing to quiet the cacophony of regret and longing swirling around his head.

“Uncle Buck!” 

“There she is!” Buck announced in the most cheery voice he could muster, and was pleased when he realized it was actually genuine. His niece’s smile instantly loosening the coil in his chest as she ran towards him across the yard. Placing his hands under her arms, he lifted her up with ease, placing her comfortably on his hip. 

“Hey,” Chim greeted, his eyes sparkling with that particular glint—the one that always meant he was dying to pry about something. 

“Hey, Chim,” Buck replied, forcing his voice to sound casual, even as his grip on Jee tightened slightly. “How you feeling?”

“Hungover and dead on my feet. You wanna come in for a bit?” Chim offered, his tone light but expectant. “We got bagels.”

The last thing Buck wanted was to step foot inside the house where every corner felt like it could whisper memories of last night. Just standing in the driveway brought a sharp sting of embarrassment, flashing him back to the moment Eddie grabbed his arm and pulled him in. Buck’s chest tightened at the thought, heat rising unbidden to his face. He needed to get out of here.

“Oh, nah,” Buck said quickly, shaking his head and forcing a grin. “Think I’m just gonna sleep off this hangover.”

“Did you run here hungover?” Chim asked, his eyebrows lifting in disbelief. “I barely got out of bed this morning.”

“Yeah,” Buck replied, adjusting Jee in his arms as if the action could help ground him. “Trying to shake it off.”

Chim gave him a skeptical look, tilting his head like he was dissecting the excuse. “So, what happened last night?” he asked bluntly, subtlety completely discarded, just as Buck knew it would be. Buck spotted Maddie making her way over to them across the yard and he waved his hand at her. 

Buck gave him a pleading look. “Nothing happened, Chim.”

“Really? So, you guys just sat around in the bathroom the whole time? That’s it?”

“That’s it,” Buck confirmed with an exhale, trying to muster a smile. He could feel Maddie’s sharp gaze cutting through the flimsy wall of his deflection. She tilted her head, narrowing her eyes at him like she could peel back his layers with a look alone. 

Maddie hummed. “Right.”

“Look, I’m pretty beat. I’m gonna head back,” Buck said, his voice quieter now, almost apologetic.

“I’ll walk you to your car,” Maddie offered as Chim took Jee from Buck’s arms. He pressed a quick kiss to the crown of his niece’s head, the small gesture grounding him for just a moment. Waving goodbye, Chim turned and headed inside with his daughter.

As they walked over to the Jeep, he could feel Maddie’s eyes burning holes in the back of his skull. Her silence spoke volumes. It was the kind of look only a big sister could manage, filled with equal parts concern and stubborn insistence. He braced himself as they stepped into the cool air. The weight of whatever Maddie wasn’t saying pressed heavier than any words she might speak. When all she did was stare at him, Buck knew she wouldn’t be the one to cave.

Letting out a sigh, he asked, “You know, don’t you?”

“Our driveway has a camera, Buck,” Maddie told him as she crossed her arms. “It’s motion sensored. It notified me so many times that I had to check to make sure we didn’t have a burglar.”

“Nope, no burglar,” Buck said with a chuckle, trying to ease the tension, but all she did was give him a blank look. “What do you want me to say, Maddie? I don’t even fully understand what happened yet.”

“I could show it to you,” Maddie offered coyly.

Buck groaned, shaking his head. “God, no. Don’t think that’ll help me move on from it.”

Her eyebrows furrowed together. “Move on from it?”

“Well, yeah,” he started awkwardly, shifting back and forth on his feet. “Nothing’s gonna happen. He walked away right after and hasn’t called me back.”

“So… that’s it?”

“Yeah, that’s it.” Buck wasn’t sure if it was the lack of sleep catching up to him or if everything building up inside of him was finally about to burst, but he felt the telltale sting of emotion clawing its way up his throat. He swallowed hard—trying to shove it back down where it belonged, but it pressed against his ribs like a dam about to crack.

Her gaze softened, her eyes filling with a sympathy that only made him feel more raw, more exposed. The gentle touch of her hand on his arm wasn’t grounding—it was unraveling. It was too much, too close to the truth he was trying to outrun.

“Buck…” Her voice was painfully gentle, like she was handling something fragile, and it only made the tightness in his chest worse.

He clenched his jaw harshly, the tension biting into his temples as he willed himself to keep it together. If he let even one crack show, he knew everything he’d been holding back would come rushing out, and he couldn’t do that. Not now. Not here. So, he stood there, fists curling at his sides as he fought the ache rising inside him, desperate to appear fine when he was anything but.

Trying to shove it down, he blinked rapidly, his eyes darting to the ground in a futile attempt to avoid the weight of her gaze. But Maddie’s silence said everything he needed to hear, the way her hand lingered on his arm, steady and sure. It wasn’t pity; it was understanding.

And that was when it hit him—she knew. Not just about last night or the mess spiraling in his head, but the deeper, unspoken truth he hadn’t dared to name even to himself. She knew he loved Eddie.

The realization sat heavy in his chest, twisting with shame and relief all at once. He wasn’t sure what was worse: that he was so transparent or that Maddie had figured it out before he had the courage to admit it. He swallowed hard, his throat tight as he risked a glance at her. Her expression wasn’t accusing, just heartbreakingly kind, and somehow that made it even harder to breathe.

“How long have you known?” Buck rasped out, part of him reluctant to ask and hear the answer.

“Since the moment you told me about him,” Maddie said without missing a beat. Her voice was careful as she explained, “I could just tell that he meant something… different for you.”

Buck shook his head at her. “Why did you never say anything?”

“I tried,” Maddie insisted defensively. “But I thought it was something you needed to work out on your own. I do have to admit, the entire conversation we had about you hiding Tommy from Eddie almost had me at my wits end. That was the closest I got to just saying it.”

Buck let out a wry laugh. “Kinda wish you did.”

“And would you have spiraled any less than you are now?” 

“Probably not.”

“Probably not,” she agreed softly, her voice steady but warm. “Look, Buck, I don’t know how this will end. But I do know that this isn’t just gonna go away. You need to talk to him about it.”

“Kinda hard when he won’t answer my calls,” Buck pointed out, his laugh devoid of any real humor. His fingers fidgeted at his sides, picking at the hem of his shirt.

“When have you ever let someone else stop you from doing something you wanna do?” Maddie asked, a flicker of a smirk tugging at her lips, her tone both teasing and serious.

He gave her a sideways smile, though it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Never.”

“Right, so why start now?” she countered, her eyebrows raised as if daring him.

Her words lingered, hanging heavy between them. Buck’s gaze dropped to the floor as he turned her question over in his mind. His stomach twisted with anxiety and something uncomfortably close to hope. He knew she was right—she always was. But the thought of facing Eddie, of saying out loud what had been clawing at the edges of his mind for months, felt like stepping off a cliff blindfolded.

He swallowed hard, nodding slightly as if to reassure himself more than her. “I just… I don’t know if I’m ready for how this could change everything,” he admitted quietly, almost to himself.

Maddie gave his arm a reassuring squeeze. “You don’t have to have all the answers right now, Buck. But you’ve got to start somewhere.”

He exhaled sharply, like the weight of her words had knocked the wind out of him, and nodded again. The knot in his chest didn’t loosen, but for the first time since he woke up, it didn’t feel like it was suffocating him either.

✦✧✦✧✦

Two days later, Buck still hadn’t heard from Eddie.

Buck had lost all decorum, at this point. He had called Eddie ten times, sent seventeen texts, and had to stop himself from driving to his house no less than twenty times. 

But the good news was that they also had a shift that day, and Eddie would have to talk to Buck.

Buck walked into the firehouse, the familiar scent of Bobby’s cooking greeting him like an old friend. Normally, stepping through these doors felt grounding, like sliding into a second skin. But today that skin felt tight—felt wrong. The morning chatter of his team filled the bay. Buck scanned the room, his heart sinking when his eyes landed on Eddie, standing near the rig. He wasn’t looking in Buck’s direction—in fact, it felt deliberate.

Eddie’s focus was fixed on the equipment he was checking, his movements sharp, efficient, almost robotic. He didn’t glance up, didn’t acknowledge Buck in the slightest. Buck deflated at how tense Eddie seemed. Even more, Buck despised that he was the cause. The last thing Buck ever wanted to become was another ghost to torment Eddie.

Buck swallowed hard, forcing himself to act natural as he headed towards the locker room. He nodded at Hen, who waved at him mid-conversation with Chim, and dropped his duffle bag onto the bench with a thud.

The usual energy of the firehouse seemed to buzz around him, but Buck couldn’t shake the heavy weight settling in his chest. He tried to tell himself that Eddie was just busy, that there wasn’t anything unusual about his behavior. But the knot tightening in his stomach told him otherwise.

Taking a deep breath, Buck plastered on a smile and headed toward the kitchen for coffee, the act feeling as forced as it likely looked. He paused just before he went up the stairs. His eyes flickered back to Eddie one more time, but there was still no reaction. No nod, no acknowledgment—just Eddie bent over his task, the muscles in his shoulders tense even from a distance.

At one point, Buck swore he saw Eddie glance over at him, his eyes catching Buck’s for just a brief second. But then Buck blinked, and when he opened his eyes, Eddie was looking away again. Maybe it was just wishful thinking or his imagination—or maybe Eddie had just been caught in a moment of vulnerability, unsure of what to do with the tension between them. Either way, Buck couldn't shake the feeling that something was hanging in the air, just out of reach.

Deciding he couldn’t let it fester any longer, Buck turned on his heel and made his way over to Eddie, his heart pounding with every step. “Hey, Eddie,” he called out, trying to keep his tone light, hopeful.

Eddie glanced up briefly, his face unreadable. “Hey.” His voice was clipped, stiff, and Eddie’s gaze darted away almost immediately.

Buck hesitated, his confidence wavering, but he pushed forward. “Could we maybe—”

“Sorry, have to finish this,” Eddie interrupted, his words rushed and dismissive as he grabbed a clipboard from the side of the rig and walked away without another glance.

Buck stood there, frozen for a moment, his hand half-raised as if to stop him. The weight in his chest grew heavier. The rejection was sharper than he anticipated. He turned back toward the kitchen, his shoulders slumping under the weight of Eddie’s avoidance.

It was going to be a long shift.

Buck tried again and again, each attempt falling flat. Sitting at the table, his eyes darted over every few seconds, but Eddie’s focus remained fixed on his coffee. Buck waited for a flicker of recognition, a softening of the expression. But Eddie remained as unreadable and quiet as ever.

Catching Eddie for a conversation felt like trying to catch smoke. At one point, he even tried recruiting Hen to help him out. Or at least ask her where Eddie might be. He spotted her in the loft, lounging on one of the chairs. Jogging over to her, he ducked his head under the ceiling beam, hope blooming in his chest.

“Hey, Hen, have you seen—“ Buck began to ask, cutting himself off immediately when Eddie came into sight, laying down on the couch. His mouth snapped shut, eyes widening. The two stared at him expectantly, seemingly in the middle of some sort of conversation. It quickly dawned on him that it was decidedly not the best time to talk. Buck cleared his throat, racking his brain for anything else to say. Finally, he got it, finishing his sentence with, “Uh, cherries?”

Maybe that wasn’t the best option, now that he thought of it.

He was met with two blank, utterly confused stares. Eddie and Hen shared a bewildered look. Hen raised an eyebrow, a hint of concern in her gaze. Buck could practically feel the weight of their silence, the question hanging in the air, but decided he should just own it. 

“I’m so confused by your question… that I’m just gonna answer it literally,” Hen said slowly, taking a deep breath. “Yes, I’ve seen them.”

Buck nodded, shooting her a thumbs up. “Awesome.”

And then he ran out of the locker room.

Nailed it.

Later, during equipment checks, Buck found himself standing next to Eddie. He tried to make small talk as they went through the motions, but Eddie was all business. His brown eyes never left the task at hand. Each word Buck spoke felt hollow in the air between them, and Eddie’s sharp, brief responses only solidified the distance.

At lunch, Buck made the same attempt, sitting next to Eddie, hoping to catch his attention. He tried to smile, to be casual, but Eddie’s stiff posture and lack of eye contact made the effort feel pointless. Buck ate in silence, his stomach tight, his thoughts swirling.

As the shift dragged on, Buck found himself observing Eddie from a distance. He seemed lost in his own world, as if building walls around himself with each passing minute. Buck caught his eyes a few times, and each time he felt a tug in his chest. There was something there in the way Eddie’s gaze lingered just a little too long. But it wasn’t just longing—there was fear there too, a hesitation that spoke louder than words. He could tell that Eddie wanted to reach out. He knew Eddie wanted to say something, but the internal battle in his eyes raged on.

Buck’s heart was racing, his pulse picking up as the disappointment settled deeper inside of him. This wasn’t how things were supposed to be—how it was supposed to feel. He wasn’t used to this. He hated the feeling of being shut out, especially by someone who had always been there, had always understood him without needing words. 

Most of all, he hated not being able to be there for Eddie, who was one of the most important people in his life. He knew Eddie was spiraling about this. It felt like Eddie was drowning, and no matter what he did, Buck couldn’t reach him. He wanted to be there, to show up for him the way Eddie always had for him, but the distance between them made it feel impossible.

It came to a head a few hours later.

Buck just wanted things to go back to normal.

All he wanted was to have Eddie like he did a few days ago.

Buck spotted Eddie heading out to his car to grab something. Quickly trailing after him, he scanned the parking lot for Eddie, Buck’s eyes landing on him as he was on his way back into the firehouse. Before he could open his mouth to say anything, Eddie ducked his head, hustling past Buck as fast as possible. Buck felt his chest tighten, staring off bitterly as Eddie briskly walked away.

“Eddie!” Buck finally shouted. He turned around, his heart in his throat as Eddie paused in his step. The sight of him stopped Buck cold—Eddie looked like he had been struck by something, frozen in place, his back stiff as though he was trying to hold himself together. Buck’s chest tightened. His pulse quickened as he realized just how much this moment mattered, how much he was about to lose. 

“I… I can’t talk about this right now,” Eddie said, his voice strained, desperate. He didn’t turn to face Buck fully, his body angled toward the door like he was trying to flee, but his eyes—his eyes were wide with a combination of panic and something else, something Buck couldn’t quite name. Eddie looked like he was about to unravel at any moment. Buck didn’t know if he was the cause of it or if it had always been there, waiting to surface.

Buck nodded, his own frustration and helplessness threatening to boil over. He sniffled, wiping his nose quickly before saying, “I think we should just call it, you know?” The words left his mouth before he could think them through. But as soon as he said them, he knew there was no taking them back. 

Eddie’s face crumpled slightly, his mouth opening as if he was about to say something— anything— but nothing came out. He just stared at Buck for a long beat, eyes full of disbelief. “I… Buck—”

“No, it’s okay, Eddie,” Buck interrupted, trying to push the words out, trying to make this easier for both of them. His voice was steady, even though it felt anything but. “We were both drunk. I don’t want you to feel like you owe me anything, and I really don’t want things to be weird. I just want things to go back to the way they were. I can’t- I can’t do this.”

He told himself it was the right thing to do. The logical thing. It was clean, uncomplicated—because this was Eddie, his best friend. He didn’t want to risk losing that, not for something neither of them really understood. But the moment the words left his mouth, a cold sense of dread began to creep into his bones. He watched Eddie’s face, still stricken, and something shifted. That look—that wrecked, vulnerable look—was more than Buck had ever expected to see. And it was too much. His stomach twisted again. 

He wanted to take it all back. He wanted to uncall it so badly, but the words had already shattered the moment, and once they were spoken, they couldn’t be unsaid. That was the part Buck hadn’t prepared for—he hadn’t realized it could be like this. He had never considered that there was no going back, no undoing what had been said and done. He hated it.

Eddie opened his mouth to say something. Buck held his breath, but no words came out. He closed it again, his jaw tightening, and then he nodded, slow and deliberate, as if forcing himself to accept what had just happened.

Before he could say another word, the bell rang. Eddie jumped. His shoulders dropped as if the weight of the moment had become too much. He turned, moving toward the truck without a word, his movements mechanical as he slid into his gear. Buck hesitated, his chest tight, still grappling with the mess of emotions that had been stirred up in the last few minutes.

But there was no time for that now.

Buck took a breath, shaking off the heaviness that clung to him, and followed Eddie to the firetruck. The team was already moving, all business now, slipping into their usual rhythm. The adrenaline started to kick in, pushing aside the knot in his stomach as they climbed into the truck.

The engine roared to life. The sirens blaring did little to block out the thoughts swirling around Buck’s mind. The flashing lights painted the walls of the firehouse with their bright, urgent glow. Buck’s hands gripped the edge of his seat, trying to center himself, trying to focus on the task ahead. Eddie sat across from him like he always was, but the space between them felt different now. 

Their knees stayed deliberately apart, the space between them feeling unusually vast. Normally, they would press their legs into each other without even thinking—an unconscious need to be close, a grounding reminder that the other was there, that they were both okay. It was a silent gesture they never addressed. It was a way of telling each other that, no matter what, they were still present. That they were still real. 

But that was gone, and all Buck could do was long for Eddie’s touch.

And he would never feel it again.

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦

"Eddie."

God, his head hurt.

"Eddie!"

Eddie’s eyes snapped open as the sharp noise cut through his foggy mind. The first thing he noticed was the cool, hard surface beneath him. The bathtub. His body felt heavy. His legs dangled over the side, half of his pink suit torn and notably missing from his body. The bright lights above him blurred in and out, his eyes squinting to try and adjust.

"Eddie!"

Buck’s voice again. Eddie turned his head slowly, squinting at Buck, who was standing across the room from him, looking like he had just pulled himself out of his own drunken stupor. 

The last thing he remembered…

Singing.

Laughing.

And then... and then.

Well.

Eddie’s breath caught. His stomach flipped as he remembered leaning in. The way Buck’s eyes had searched his face, the tension so thick in the air between them. Eddie’s mind flickered through it, almost painfully slow. Their faces were inches apart. He could still feel the pull, the heat. He remembered the way Buck’s lips had barely brushed his, their breaths mingling in that one beat where everything could’ve shifted.

But then nothing.

Instead of tasting Buck, he tasted some stupid tequila shot that had been shoved into his hands. Everything had spun out of control after that.

Eddie ran a hand through his hair, groaning again, trying to push the memory back. He had no idea what Buck remembered, what he saw in that moment. If he even thought about it the same way Eddie did.

Did Buck even remember? Oh god, what if he did? Or worse, what if he didn’t? Actually, Eddie wasn’t sure which was worse. What if Buck remembered and regretted it? Was it just another drunken slip-up, a mistake that didn’t mean anything to Buck, or had something been there? Eddie could barely keep his thoughts together as he stared at the floor, trying to find his footing in the spinning mess of his mind. He didn’t want to talk about it. Not now. Not ever.

Deep down, he knew that there was a voice in his head that reminded him he had wanted to kiss Buck for a while now. It had crept in slowly, little moments adding up—a glance that lingered too long, a touch that felt more than just friendly. Eddie had tried to ignore it, to push it down, convince himself that it wasn’t real. But deep down, he knew. He knew he had wanted it. He knew he wanted Buck, for longer than he’d been willing to admit. 

After last night, he couldn’t help but wonder if they crossed a line they couldn’t go back from. That the one thing he’d been too afraid to act on would be the thing that drove Buck away, the thing that shattered whatever fragile balance they’d built. He just wanted to get away from the memory. He wanted to believe it didn’t matter. But the tightness in his chest said otherwise. Eddie swallowed, trying to ignore the rush of confusion and panic that was bubbling up.

Maybe Buck didn’t even remember. Or, if he did, maybe they would just keep doing what they had been doing for the last six years—pretend. 

Pretend to not notice the lingering touches. 

Pretend to not notice the longing looks. 

Pretend to not notice the ache in his chest whenever Buck wasn’t around.

Pretend that best friends acted like this.

Pretend that Eddie didn’t remember. 

✦✧✦✧✦

No matter how hard Eddie tried, the words wouldn’t stop playing over and over again in his head.

“I think we should call it.”

Eddie had hoped to get through the shift without much complication. 

He wasn’t sure why he still thought things could go as he planned. 

The last two days he spent dodging Buck’s calls, trying to avoid the inevitable conversation that he knew would eventually happen. It wasn’t that Eddie didn’t want to talk to Buck, it was the opposite, actually. All he wanted to do was talk to Buck. It felt inexplicably wrong to go this long without talking to Buck. It was more that he was terrified of what would happen when they finally talked about it. He’d known Buck was important to him, of course. But the other night, everything had shifted, and Eddie wasn’t sure if he could get back to where they were before. 

He wasn’t sure he even wanted to.

He had kept his distance for the last few days, letting the space between them grow, trying to convince himself it was for the best. If they just acted like nothing had changed, maybe things would go back to normal. Maybe Buck would forget about it. Maybe Eddie could forget about it, too. Maybe they could pretend again.

But every time he saw Buck, every time he heard his phone ring, a little part of him panicked. Well, scratch that—a big part of him panicked. His heart raced and his mind scrambled for a way out of the conversation he was certain was coming. He didn’t know how to deal with what had happened. He had learned how to deal with the feelings before, how to push them down—but now, it was impossible to ignore.

Eddie was so used to shoving his feelings down, locking them away in some part of his mind where they couldn’t reach him. But the kiss, that moment with Buck, had cracked something open inside of him, and now the emotions were flooding back in a way he wasn’t prepared for. He didn’t know what any of it meant. He had no idea if Buck even felt the same way. Eddie tried to convince himself that maybe Buck didn’t, that he was just caught up in the heat of the moment, even if that thought felt like twisting a knife in his chest. But thinking that way was the only choice. Because the thought of losing Buck was one of the worst pains imaginable. He didn’t know if he could handle it. 

The last few days had been a blur, his mind constantly racing with doubts and what-ifs. And now, after hearing Buck say they should just go back to normal, Eddie couldn’t help but feel like a failure. He’d pushed Buck away. He’d tried to avoid the very person who meant more to him than anyone else in his life, and for what? To keep things from changing? To keep himself from feeling vulnerable?

Eddie ran a hand through his hair, frustration building in his chest. He had spent so much time trying to protect himself, trying to keep control over his emotions. But he was losing that control now. Every time he looked at Buck, every time he heard that voice—he wanted to say something, do something. He wanted to fix it.

The team picked up on the tension between them, which wasn’t exactly surprising. It was hard to miss. Eddie knew his mood was written all over his face, even if he was trying his best to keep it together. He could feel the weight of the silence every time he exchanged a look with Buck. It wasn’t just in the locker room or when they were back at the station; it lingered in the air every time their paths crossed. The unspoken words hung between them, thick and suffocating.

Eddie knew it wouldn’t go unspoken for long. Considering he and Buck were always partnered up on calls, it would come to a head. If Bobby thought for even a second that something would distract them from the call, he would separate them. Eddie was hoping for it, if he was being honest. Besides still dodging Buck, he knew that he wouldn’t be fully focused on the task at hand if they were paired together. The moment they arrived at the call, Bobby turned to the team.

“What’s going on with you two?” Bobby asked Eddie and Buck bluntly, holding his hand out calmly. He raised his eyebrows expectantly. Eddie should’ve thought through what he was gonna say if this came up. He wasn’t exactly dying to admit what happened to the team right now, and he just hoped Bobby would separate them regardless of what he said. 

“Nothing,” Eddie said hastily at the same time that Buck said, “Hardly anything.”

Eddie turned to Buck who was visibly wincing at his own words. In an incredulous tone, Eddie repeated, “Hardly anything? Seriously, Buck?”

“Save it for later,” Bobby ordered, his voice lowering with an edge of authority. “Eddie, you’ll be with Hen. Chim, you’re with Buck. Let’s move.”

The call went smoothly after that, the fire going out relatively easily. There weren’t any major injuries, and it was one of the few things that actually went right. A few hours later, the shift had ended and most of the team was gone. The hum of the fluorescent lights buzzed softly in the quiet locker room as Eddie sat on the bench. He slowly shoved his gear into his duffel bag. His movements were sluggish, almost mechanical, as if the weight of the day was finally catching up with him. His hands moved without thought, folding and rolling up his clothes, but his mind was elsewhere.

He couldn’t keep ignoring Buck for much longer. There was this unbearable weight every time he caught Buck’s eye. There was a quiet ache he couldn’t ignore, a longing that he tried to bury but that crept back up no matter how many times he told himself it wasn’t the right time.

His gaze fell to the floor, his thoughts circling like the buzz of the lights above. Eddie could feel Chim’s gaze darting over to him every couple of seconds. as if suddenly Eddie would just tell him everything. Finally, Chim’s gaze lingered and he watched silently for a moment before letting out a deliberate cough.  

“So... you wanna tell me why you’ve been acting so weird all day?” Chim asked, leaning back against his locker.  

“I’m fine,” Eddie muttered, his focus on folding a shirt he’d already folded twice.  

“Yeah, I don’t buy it,” Chim quipped, crossing his arms. “Spill it, Diaz. What’s going on with you and Buck?”  

Eddie froze for a second, his jaw tightening before he sighed. “It’s complicated.”  

“It always is. Try me.”  

Eddie exhaled deeply and stared at the floor. He debated telling him for a few moments. Considering Chim wasn’t exactly the best at keeping secrets, he wasn’t sure it was the best move. But this was eating at him, and Eddie wasn’t sure how much longer he could keep this to himself. After a few moments, Eddie finally admitted, “We kissed.”  

Chim’s eyes widened as his eyebrows shot up. “Whoa, okay, didn’t think it would be that.”

Eddie glanced up at him with a wry look. “Not even after you locked us in a room and told us to kiss?”

“Fine,” Chim said with a smirk. “Maybe I expected it a little. But, man, I thought it would’ve been Buck to spill the beans first. So, what happened? Was it in the bathroom?”

“No, it was outside, after everyone left.”

Chim blinked, tilting his head. “Huh, okay. How did it happen?”

Eddie sighed again, running a hand over his face. “It just… it did. I’ve been wanting to for a while now, I guess. I just didn’t wanna do it for the first time during some game. Then we were outside and I just did it. And now Buck’s trying to talk, and I’m avoiding him because… I don’t even know.” 

Chim studied him for a moment, then tilted his head. “Okay, slight confession to make: we kind of set the whole thing up.”

“What are you talking about?”

“The dice,” Chim said, shrugging with a sheepish grin. “The one we used for the Iron Curtain? It was rigged. The one Hen pulled out only had the ‘Clinton Edition’ on it. We all kept saying the number ‘two’ around you guys that night so you’d pick the same number and then we all agreed to pick different numbers.”

Eddie stared at him, stunned. “You’re telling me you planned this?”

“We nudged you in the right direction,” Chim said with mock innocence, holding up his hands.

“The right direction?” Eddie asked, his voice rising slightly. “What direction is that, huh? Toward total disaster?”

Chim’s expression softened as he leaned forward, his tone more serious. “No, toward something that makes you both happy. And don’t even try to tell me Buck doesn’t make you happy, because we all see it, Eddie. You just refuse to admit it.”

Eddie looked away, the weight of Chim’s words pressing down on him. “He deserves better.”

“Bullshit. You think Buck’s perfect? He’s got his flaws, his own issues. And you love him anyway, don’t you?”

Eddie’s jaw tightened, but he didn’t deny it. Out of the corner of his eye, Eddie noticed Ravi make his way into the locker room. He seemed to pick up on the mood, leaning against his locker with a curious gaze in his eye. Chim sighed, standing and slinging his bag over his shoulder, saying, “Look, you’re both stubborn as hell, but you’re also too important to each other to let this go without a fight. So, put up a fight. Talk to Buck.”

“I don’t even know how to do that now,” Eddie sighed out, rubbing his face with his hand. 

“I mean, how did you guys get together the first time?” Ravi asked casually, opening his locker and grabbing his t-shirt out of it.

Chim froze mid-motion, turning to Ravi like he’d just grown a second head. “What?”  

Ravi glanced at him. “You know, when you and Buck were dating before. Did he ask you out, or did you ask him?”  

Eddie snapped his head over to Ravi so fast it was a wonder he didn’t get whiplash. He stared at Ravi, then at Chim, who was now gaping at Ravi like he had lost his mind. Eddie’s voice was slow and deliberate as he said, “Buck and I have never been together, Ravi.” 

Ravi frowned, looking genuinely confused. “Are you sure?” 

“Am I sure?” Eddie repeated, his brow furrowing deeply. “Yes, I’m sure.”  

Chim snorted. “Think Eddie would remember something like that, Ravi.”

“But, like, you guys act like a couple,” Ravi defended as he squinted, clearly not convinced. “You’re always talking, you’re always finishing each other’s sentences, he cooks dinner at your place all the time. That’s couple behavior!”  

Chim snorted, trying and failing to stifle his laugh. Eddie shot him a glare before turning back to Ravi. “That’s called being friends, Ravi. Friends do that stuff all the time.”  

“I dunno, man. Still seems pretty couple-y to me,” Ravi maintained with a shrug. 

Eddie let out a long-suffering sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Yeah, well, we’ve never been together, man.”

Ravi paused, as if he was finally processing this, then nodded thoughtfully. “Okay. Got it. You and Buck were never a thing.”

“Exactly,” Eddie said, relieved.

“So,” Ravi continued, pulling on his jacket, “it’s more like… an unspoken thing?”

Chim burst out laughing, leaning back against the locker for support. Eddie groaned audibly, shaking his head as he stood and grabbed his gear. “I’m done with this conversation.”

As Eddie began to leave the locker room, Chim placed a hand up. He forced himself to stop laughing, giving Eddie an apologetic look before saying, “Wait, wait.”

“Chim, I’m really not in the mood for any more jokes,” Eddie admitted, wishing he could ignore the way his chest twisted. Ravi shot him an apologetic look and Eddie nodded, silently letting him know it was fine.

“I know,” Chim said somberly, his eyes sympathetic. “I just wanna say one more thing. You deserve good things, Eddie. You’re a good person. This isn’t just about you deserving Buck, it’s Buck deserving you. He loves you so much—let him.”

“I can’t lose him, Chim,” Eddie whispered, as if saying it too loud might make it happen.

Chim shook his head. “You’ve been in love with this man for the past six years, Eddie. Since I’ve known you, I have never seen you look at anyone like you look at him. You’ve had that look since the first time you saw him from the locker rooms. For once in your life, let yourself have what you want.”

It was like being held under a magnifying glass, the way Chim was somehow able to see through every wall Eddie had put up, peeling back the layers of denial Eddie had clung to. Eddie wanted to argue, to explain it away—Buck was his partner, his best friend. This hadn’t been going on for six years. Eddie would have realized if it had, wouldn’t he? He would have noticed something that big, something that life-altering. Right?

Eddie swallowed hard, the weight of Chim’s words settling over him. Letting himself want Buck wasn’t the problem—he wanted him so badly he could hardly breathe most of the time. No, the problem was letting himself believe he could actually keep him.

Despite that, Eddie just nodded. He mumbled something noncommittal under his breath as he grabbed his duffel bag and slung it over his shoulder. Chim didn’t push any further, and Eddie was grateful for the silence as he headed toward the door of the locker room.

Eddie’s steps were slow as he made his way down the hallway, his mind heavy with Chim’s words, each one echoing in his head like a relentless drumbeat. He didn’t want to believe it. He didn’t want to acknowledge the truth that Chim was getting at. The doubts in his mind were rising, faster than he could push them down.

As he passed by Bobby’s office, he heard voices through the partially open door. Buck’s voice drifted out, low and uneven. Eddie stopped in his tracks. He hadn’t planned to eavesdrop, but something about the tone pulled him in before he could think to turn away.

“You sure you wanna do this, Buck?” Bobby’s voice was calm, careful.  

There was a pause, and then Buck spoke, his voice strained, like he was holding himself together with fraying threads. “I gotta get out of here, Cap. I can’t… I just can’t do this right now.”  

Eddie froze mid-step, his stomach sinking.  

Get out of here?

“Yeah, yeah, I’m sure.” Buck’s words carried a finality that sent a chill down Eddie’s spine. 

“Alright,” Bobby replied quietly, the scrape of his chair audible. “I’ll put in your leave of absence.”  

Eddie’s heart plummeted. 

The walls of the stairwell seemed to close in on him, the air growing thin. His grip tightened on the railing, his knuckles aching under the pressure. He strained to hear more, to understand what he’d just heard, but the voices had dropped, muffled as Bobby continued speaking.  

Leave of absence. 

Buck was leaving.  

Eddie’s mind spiraled, replaying every moment from the past few days. Every conversation avoided, every glance Buck had tried to meet, every moment Eddie had turned away. This wasn’t just about him. He had pushed too hard, shut Buck out too completely.  

And now Buck was leaving because of him.

Buck was leaving. Buck was leaving. Buck was leaving.

He felt rooted to the spot, his feet refusing to move forward or back. He wanted to barge in, to demand Buck explain himself, to say something. But what could he say? He was the reason this was even happening.

Bobby’s voice rose slightly, and Eddie jolted out of his thoughts. If he stayed, someone would catch him standing there, overhearing something he was never meant to hear. Turning sharply, Eddie retreated back up the stairs, each step heavier than the last.  

His heart pounded, his chest tight, and his thoughts an incoherent mess of guilt and panic. He wanted to fix this, to undo the damage he’d caused. But as he reached the top of the stairs, one thought overwhelmed all the rest: What if it was already too late?

His chest tightened, a cold wave of panic spreading through him. Buck’s voice—raw and broken—echoed in his head, and Eddie couldn’t shake the image of him packing up and walking away, leaving behind everything they’d built together.

This was his fault. He’d pushed too hard, retreated too far, let his fears and insecurities create a rift he didn’t know how to mend. And now Buck was leaving, running from the wreckage Eddie had caused.

Eddie’s feet felt rooted to the floor, his body refusing to move forward or retreat. He wanted to barge in, to demand answers, to fix it somehow. But he didn’t. He stayed frozen, the weight of his guilt anchoring him in place.

The sound of Bobby’s chair scraping back jolted him into action. Eddie turned sharply, darting away from the office and through the firehouse. His heart pounded in his chest, each beat a reminder that he was losing Buck, and he had no one to blame but himself.

After trudging through the parking lot, Eddie sat in the driver’s seat of his truck, gripping the steering wheel so tightly his knuckles turned white. The engine rumbled quietly, but he hadn’t shifted into gear. He just sat there, staring at the darkened parking lot outside the station, Buck’s words still ringing in his ears.

“I gotta get out of here.”

He swallowed hard, his chest tightening as if the weight of the world had settled on him all at once. Buck was leaving. Not just the station, not just their team—he was leaving him.

Eddie’s fingers flexed against the wheel as a rush of self-doubt hit him like a freight train. Of course, Buck was leaving. Why wouldn’t he? Eddie had been pushing him away, building walls he wasn’t sure he could even tear down himself.

You did this. You always do this.

The thought was bitter, cutting deep. Buck deserved better than this—better than Eddie. Someone who didn’t carry around the ghosts of their past, someone who could love him without hesitation, without fear. Eddie couldn’t even look at himself in the mirror most days, let alone believe he could be the kind of person that Buck needed.

The truck’s interior felt stifling, and Eddie cracked the window, taking in the cold night air. It didn’t help. His heart still pounded, his stomach churning with the weight of everything he hadn’t said, hadn’t done.

If Buck left, Eddie wasn’t sure how he’d make it through. He’d lose the one person who made everything feel less heavy, who reminded him there was still something worth fighting for. But wasn’t that the cruel irony? The very thing that made Buck so irreplaceable was the same thing that made Eddie sure he didn’t deserve him.

Maybe this was for the best, he told himself, though he couldn’t ignore the way the thought sent a rush of nausea through him. If Buck left, Eddie wouldn’t have to keep pretending he wasn’t falling apart. He wouldn’t have to face the possibility of losing him another way—of screwing it all up like he always did. But deep down, Eddie knew that wasn’t true. If Buck left, Eddie would lose him anyway. And that thought, that unbearable, suffocating thought, made it almost impossible to breathe.

He knew he couldn’t just stay in the parking lot forever, no matter how badly he wanted to just sit and sulk. Switching the car into drive, he finally pulled onto the street. The road in front of him stretched on. Though, it felt like it led nowhere, just another loop in his mind that he couldn’t escape. He had a few hours before Carla would need to head out, and he didn’t want Chris to see him like this. So, he drove.

The familiar hum of the engine was soothing in a way, though the quiet inside the car made it easy to dwell on everything he was avoiding. His mind was a mess as it ran in circles. Every time he thought about calling Buck, texting him, trying to fix what had gone wrong, it felt like he was one step away from making everything worse. Though, he wasn’t sure how much worse this could get. 

Buck was leaving. He was leaving. Eddie sucked in a harsh breath, tears stinging his eyes miserably. He rubbed a harsh hand over his eyes, desperate to will away the tears before they started. Turning on the radio, he prayed it would help him get out of his own head somehow.

No such luck.

“What I like about you!”

Eddie froze immediately as his hand hovered over the radio knob. Clenching his jaw, he slowly let his hand fall. He rested his head back as the memory flooded over him, not for the first time. His eyes fluttered shut.

“You hold me tight!”

Eddie remembered everything.

He remembered Buck’s arms around him, pulling him closer and closer, the way his muscular arms tightened around him. He remembered the beat of his own pulse, fast and erratic. He remembered the way their faces were inches apart, Buck’s breath tickling his cheek. He remembered the way Buck’s eyes had flickered down to his lips. He remembered the smell of Buck’s cologne. He could still smell how it was mixed with the faint hint of beer and sweat from the night. He remembered how it had anchored him, made him feel grounded even as everything around them seemed to blur. He remembered the way Buck’s hand had brushed against the small of his back—soft, but deliberate—and how it sent a shiver through him. He remembered, too, how quickly it all had unraveled. How the tension had snapped when they pulled away, the confusion and disappointment settling in.

He remembered, he remembered, he remembered. 

“Keep on whispering in my ear, tell me all the things that I wanna hear.”

He adored Buck. He loved everything about him—his energy, always lighting up a room with that infectious, charming smile. He loved how much Buck cared, how fiercely he protected the people he cared about. He loved the way Buck’s eyes seemed to see right through him, as if he could always tell what Eddie was thinking, even without words. He loved how Buck wore his heart on his sleeve. He loved how Buck had an ego the size of the ocean, and a heart to rival it.

Eddie loved the little things too. Buck’s messy hair after a shift, the way he hummed in the truck, the sound of his laugh that couldn’t help but slip out. He loved how Buck had a vulnerability that made him real. Buck had a way of making the world feel a little less heavy, a little less dark, just by being himself. Most of all, Eddie loved how easy it was to be with him, how Buck made everything feel just a little bit more right.

Buck was all Eddie had ever wanted.

“Cause it’s true…”

Eddie deserved this—he deserved to be happy. 

“That’s what I like about you!”

“God, I hate when Chim’s right,” Eddie muttered under his breath, his knuckles whitening as he took a sharp turn in the opposite direction. 

He let the song wash over him. The familiar melody filled the silence in the car, each note pushing him forward. The lyrics circled in his head, fueling his resolve and drowning out the usual doubts that tried to creep in. Distantly, he heard himself and Buck. He heard the two of them scream singing this song together—inhibition thrown out the window, just focused on being with each other. For once, he didn’t second-guess himself. He didn’t question whether he deserved this, deserved Buck. 

His foot pressed harder on the gas, the city lights flashing by in a blur. Eddie didn’t let himself think about the what-ifs or the fears that had been his constant companions. He didn’t let himself consider turning back. All he focused on was getting there—getting to Buck and telling him exactly what he should have said days ago, getting Buck to stay.

By the time he pulled into Buck’s apartment complex, his stomach was twisted in knots. Eddie whipped his car into the lot, sliding into the parking spot that Buck insisted on paying to have reserved for Eddie every month. It had felt unnecessary, maybe even over the top, at the time. Now, sitting there, Eddie realized just how much Buck did for him—little things, thoughtful things. Things that Eddie hadn't even considered that maybe casual friends didn't normally do for each other.

Jumping out of the car at record speed, Eddie sprinted for the door, passing Buck’s jeep as he ran. He fumbled with the keys in his hands, trying frantically to find Buck’s apartment keys in the mix. In his haste, his grip slipped. 

The keys tumbled from his fingers and onto the pavement. 

Before he could even bend down to get them, the keys slid straight into the storm drain.

“No, no, no!” Eddie shouted, watching helplessly as the keys descended into the darkness. He froze for a second, staring down at the grate as if sheer willpower could bring them back.

“Are you kidding me?” he groaned, dropping to his hands and knees as he peered into the darkness below. The keys were gone, swallowed up by the city. Eddie let out a frustrated sigh, running a hand through his hair as he tried to collect himself.

This wasn’t going to stop him. Not now. Not after everything. Taking a deep breath, Eddie stood, wiped his hands on his jeans. He patted his pockets, feeling around for where he may have put his phone. Finally, he felt the rectangle in his pocket, quickly fishing it out. Tapping the screen, his heart sank when it stayed dark. He tapped it again and again, as if pressing into it harder would somehow make it come back to life.

“Of course,” Eddie muttered, pressing the power button a few more times in futile frustration. The phone was dead.

For a moment, he just stood there, staring at the lifeless screen. His only way of calling Buck was useless, but he refused to let it deter him. He hadn’t come this far to let a dead phone or lost keys stop him. Considering he also had no way of leaving now, he took it as a sign that it was time.

“It’s like the universe is screaming at you, and you refuse to listen.”

Eddie hadn’t believed Buck when he’d said that years ago. Back then, it sounded like just another one of Buck’s quirks—his way of explaining the unexplainable with jinxes, curses, and cosmic connections that Eddie didn’t buy into.

But now? Now, the universe wasn’t just screaming—it was practically shaking him by the shoulders.

This time, Eddie decided, he’d listen.

Shoving the phone back into his pocket, Eddie turned toward the building. Determination was tightened in his jaw. Whatever it took, he was getting to Buck tonight.

He scanned the windows until he landed on the one he knew to be Buck’s, unsure what he was even looking for—a flicker of movement, a light turning on, anything that might signal Buck was inside and awake. His pulse was hammering in his ears, each thud a reminder that this was his chance, and he wasn’t going to waste it.

Eddie jogged up to the front door and tugged on the handle, even though he already knew it was locked. His eyes darted back to the windows. Nothing. He looked around, hoping for someone to walk by.

“Can anyone help me get in the building? I lost my key!” Eddie shouted, trying to project his voice as much as he could. 

No response.

Eddie huffed out, shaking his head, trying to be even louder this time. “Hey, can anyone hear me? I need to get into the building!”

“Do you even live here?” someone shouted from a window. Eddie glanced up, vaguely recognizing the voice. He spotted an older lady in a second floor window, scrutinizing eyes beneath her glasses. 

“Ah… no?” Eddie admitted with a wince. “But we’ve met, I’m Eddie, remember? My friend Buck lives here. He lives a few floors above you.”

She just stared at Eddie, giving no indication as to whether or not she recognized him. “Well, why should I let you in?”

Eddie let out a sigh, gesturing loosely to the drainage sewer. “Because I just dropped my keys down the sewer and I really, really need to talk to my friend.”

“Are you here to rob someone?” the woman accused, her voice harsher than it was a moment ago.

He scoffed at her, rubbing a hand over his face roughly. “If I was here to rob someone, I probably wouldn’t announce my presence to the whole building, Gladys.”

Her eyes narrowed. “How do you know my name?”

“Because we’ve met a million times when I’ve been here!” Eddie cried out, letting out an incredulous laugh. “I’ve carried your trash down before, remember?”

“Oh yeah, I do remember that!” Gladys announced gleefully. “Can you bring it down again?” Eddie had never wanted to scream so badly in his life, and that was saying something.

“Yeah, Gladys, I can do that again. Please just let me into the building,” he tried again desperately. “I need to tell my best friend that I’m in love with him.”

She turned her nose up. “I don’t know…”

“God, never mind,” Eddie groaned, waving his hand dismissively. “I’ll come get your trash later, alright?”

Eddie turned back to the rest of the building. He racked his brain for any other way in. He considered tossing pebbles at Buck’s window, not caring how corny it was. At this point, desperation was taking over completely. Deciding to go with it, he dove for the mulch. He frantically dug through the dirt for any rocks he could find.

And then he heard another voice. 

“Eddie.”

Snapping his head up, his entire body sagged with relief at the sight of Buck peering through his opened window. He looked down at him with no surprise on his face, just pure adoration. Eddie’s stomach flipped at the sight of that soft, welcoming look on Buck’s face. It was the kind of expression that made Eddie forget the weight of the past few days. In that moment, Buck’s gaze was a quiet reassurance that maybe everything could be okay.

“Hold on, I- I’m coming down,” Buck called down to him and Eddie nodded rapidly.

He took a few steps over to the doors, waiting eagerly for the front doors to open and reveal Buck. His heart pounded as the seconds ticked by. Eddie couldn’t quite explain the knot in his chest, but he felt it tightening with every second that he wasn’t with Buck.

He was here—no more running, no more avoiding. He was about to face this. About to face Buck.

A few moments later, the door opened and Eddie felt his heart stop. A woman walked through, giving him a puzzled look. Eddie could only imagine how he crazed looked right now, but he really didn’t care. He exclaimed, “Hold the door!”

Diving through the door, he made a move instantly for the elevators, frantically pressing down on the button. He shoved his hand against it over and over again, groaning out in frustration when the elevator gave no sign that it was coming. His eyes darted around, landing on the stairwell. He could do five flights of stairs. That was nothing.

Eddie’s pulse was racing as he sprinted toward the stairwell, his steps quick and urgent. The sound of Buck’s voice still echoed in his ears. His feet pounded against the floor, taking the stairs two at a time. The clatter of his boots on the worn metal echoed in the stairwell. Each step felt like it was closing the distance between them, bringing him closer to something that had been out of reach for far too long.

His legs carried him with ease up the stairs. He pushed himself faster and faster, the adrenaline coursing through his veins. The hum of the fluorescent lights above the only sound accompanying him as he moved. He felt his heart pound in his chest, the anticipation mixing with something else. With one last deep breath, he made it through the last stretch.

Eddie burst through the apartment door. “Buck?”

But the apartment was empty. 

His chest tightened as his gaze swept over the familiar space—empty, untouched. The silence hung heavily in the air, the faint hum of the refrigerator the only sound. Eddie frowned as the confusion sank in. 

He stepped further into the apartment, glancing around, still calling out. “Buck?” His voice was more uncertain this time, anxiety creeping in. There was no answer, no movement.

But then, through the open window, he heard a voice. 

“Eddie?” It was Buck’s voice—familiar, a little breathless. Eddie spun toward the window, his eyes immediately catching sight of Buck below, standing outside, his head craned up toward the apartment. Buck looked around, clearly trying to figure out where Eddie had gone.

“Buck!” Eddie shouted again, relieved to see him but still confused. “Why are you down there?”

Buck’s head whipped around at the sound of his voice, his expression one of disbelief and amusement. “I told you I’d come down!” he shouted, holding his arms out.

“Stay right there!” they both called out simultaneously, their voices overlapping in the air between them. 

Eddie’s pulse hammered in his ears as he turned, racing back to the elevator. His feet moved before his mind caught up, the sound of his shoes hitting the floor echoing down the hallway. The rush coursing through him didn’t stop; it only fueled him further, pushing him to hurry.

He reached the elevator, pressing his palm against the button to call it down. The wait felt agonizingly long. The seconds stretched, each one pulling on his nerves. He nearly turned back to the stairs again until the elevator pinged and the doors slid open with a soft whoosh.

“Finally,” Eddie muttered under his breath, letting out a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding. The small space of the elevator, the quiet hum of the machinery, somehow made him feel both grounded and anxious all at once. He stepped inside, quickly hitting the button for the ground floor. 

As the doors slid closed, the faint jolt of the elevator starting its ascent sent a wave of nervous energy through him. The elevator creaked softly as it continued its slow journey down. He shifted his weight, trying to quiet the nerves rolling through him.

The elevator finally stopped, the soft ding signaling his arrival, and the doors slid open to reveal the floor. Eddie didn’t hesitate; he stepped forward immediately. It felt as if his body had a mind of its own, determined to reach Buck—to stop pretending.

He burst through the doors outside, and this time Eddie did let out a frustrated shout when there was no sight of Buck.

Turning on his heel to run back inside, Eddie stopped short as a delivery man wheeled his cart out the door. He was going so slow that Eddie was sure the universe just wanted to mess with him a bit at this point. Eddie shook his hand at the man, begging, “Please go faster.”

“You look like hell,” the delivery man said roughly, eyeing him up and down. “Got a crazed look in your eyes.”

“Man, come on, I need to go tell my friend something, alright?” Eddie exclaimed, holding his hand out, gesturing loosely towards the building. 

“He’s gonna think you’re here to kill him. I do. Take a walk first.”

“Please, just—please, move,” Eddie grunted out, trying to squeeze past the man. 

But then Eddie froze in his step, because behind the man… stood Buck. 

Eddie’s breath caught in his chest, and for a split second, everything else seemed to fall away. 

The world around him blurred, and all that existed in that moment was Buck. 

He couldn’t look away. There was something about the way Buck stood there, framed by the door, his expression unreadable but still carrying that warmth that always seemed to draw Eddie in. He found himself unable to take his eyes off of Buck’s tousled brown curls. Buck’s chest heaved as he caught his breath, round blue eyes locked on Eddie. The look of hope in his gaze nearly took Eddie’s breath away. 

In that moment, Eddie knew. There was no use in trying to deny it any more. There was no possible way he could continue to ignore this. Eddie knew it as sure as he knew his own name. 

Eddie loved him—he loved Buck so, so much.

He loved him, he loved him, he loved him.

It was like the air between them thickened, charged with something unsaid, something heavy, yet familiar. So familiar… that it felt like coming home. He had to blink a few times to focus, to pull himself back from the suffocating quiet of his own thoughts. His hands trembled ever so slightly as he instinctively stepped back. 

“Hey Eddie,” Buck said gently.

“Uh, hey,” Eddie managed, eyes still wide.

Stepping outside, slow and deliberate, Buck’s voice was soft and pleading as he said, “I wanna uncall it. I didn’t mean it. Please just say I can uncall it. And before you say no—” Eddie was not going to say no—“just… don’t say no.” 

Buck’s gaze held steady, as if waiting to see what Eddie might do. But Eddie couldn’t move. His body was locked in place, caught in a battle between everything he wanted to say.

So, Eddie said nothing.

His body moved before his mind could catch up, and in one quick step, he closed the distance between them. His hand found the back of Buck’s neck, pulling him in, and their lips collided.

The kiss was urgent, raw with the frustration of everything unsaid, everything unspoken. It wasn’t just a kiss. It was every moment of doubt, every hesitation, and all the years spent running from this exact moment. Eddie kissed him like he’d been starving for it. He kissed him like this was the one thing that could finally make him feel whole again. His lips were hungry, searching, pressing against Buck’s with a desperation that felt almost like a plea.

Buck’s hands found Eddie’s waist, pulling him closer, deepening the kiss, matching Eddie’s intensity with his own. The world outside disappeared, leaving only the heat between them, the fire that sparked with every touch. It was all consuming, like they were trying to prove something to each other, or maybe to themselves. Maybe it was both.

Eddie’s heart pounded in his chest, every beat syncing with the rhythm of their kiss. He felt alive, felt like he was breathing for the first time in days, his thoughts no longer clouded with doubt or fear. This was all that mattered to him.

As soon as they pulled away for a moment, Eddie’s breath was heavy in his chest. But Buck didn’t give him a chance to process. He closed the gap between them again, his hand sliding up to Eddie’s jaw, fingertips brushing over his skin as he tilted Eddie’s head slightly, angling for the kiss.

Eddie’s heart skipped a beat as Buck kissed him again—this time slower, more deliberate, a deep, tender kiss that spoke volumes without a single word. Buck’s lips were soft but insistent. It was a contrast to the wild urgency of the first kiss. It was like he was savoring this moment, like Buck was making sure Eddie knew how much he wanted this too.

Eddie’s hand found its way to Buck’s chest, his fingers curling into the fabric of his shirt. He grounded himself in the warmth of Buck’s touch. The kiss deepened, slow and steady. Eddie felt every inch of the tension in his body start to unravel. He melted into Buck’s embrace, his body responding to the pull, as if the world outside had faded away entirely.

There were no thoughts, no doubts, just the undeniable feeling of being exactly where he was meant to be. With Buck.

When they finally pulled away, both of them gasping for air, Eddie didn’t know what to say. Words felt insignificant after everything that had just passed between them. He just stared at Buck, eyes wide, chest rising and falling with every breath. 

“I love you,” Eddie blurted out before he could stop himself. “I’ve loved you for six years now. I really, really love you.”

Buck positively glowed at Eddie’s words. “I love you, too.”

Eddie’s entire body sagged with relief. It was as if a weight he’d been carrying for years had finally been lifted. The words wrapped around him, warm and certain. They grounded him in a way he hadn’t realized he needed. He let out a shaky breath, his lips curving into a smile that matched the one lighting up Buck’s face. 

“I’m sorry,” Eddie breathed out, shaking his head at Buck whose face scrunched up. “I’m sorry I avoided you. I just… I didn’t think I deserved it. Deserved you. I didn’t want to lose you or- or what we had, you know? But I shouldn’t have pushed you away. I’m sorry.”

“No, Eds, I get it, okay? You don’t need to be sorry.”

Eddie’s voice was quiet as he admitted, “I just… I didn’t think I could really have you.”

“You’ve had me for six years,” Buck told him gently, taking Eddie’s hand into his own. “You… you’re so good, Eddie. You’re one of the best people I know. I love you because you’re you. I love every part of you, even the parts that you don’t. You deserve to let yourself be happy. To want what you want.”

“I want you,” Eddie said instantly, and Buck’s face seemed to light up at the words. There was this undeniable glow that spread across his features, a radiant, genuine smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. Buck’s eyes practically sparkled with something that Eddie hadn’t quite recognized until now.

“Yeah?” Buck whispered, like he couldn’t quite believe someone did.

“I choose you,” Eddie added, his voice low, sure. “All of you.”

Buck’s smile deepened. A warmth radiated from him, and Eddie realized just how much those words meant. It was like he could see the weight of Eddie’s choice settling into his chest. Buck’s posture straightened, his gaze steady and locked onto Eddie’s, and for a brief moment, Eddie swore he saw something close to awe flicker across Buck’s face.

Before Eddie could even process it, Buck was moving toward him again, the air between them electric. Their lips met in a second kiss, soft but urgent, full of promise and a hunger that had been building for far too long. This kiss wasn’t rushed—it was a declaration, slow and tender, like a vow to stay… speaking of.

Eddie gently tugged himself backwards, his heart lurching when he saw how Buck leaned forward after his lips. Before he could let himself cave, Eddie reminded himself why he pulled apart to begin with, asking, “Does this mean you aren’t leaving?”

“Leaving?” Buck repeated, face scrunching slightly.

“We can make it work if you are,” Eddie went on, trying to brace himself for the worse. “I want to make it work if you are.”

Buck tilted his head, looking slightly bewildered. “I mean, would me being gone for a week have been that big of a deal?”

Eddie blinked. “A week?”

“Yeah,” Buck confirmed slowly. “I was just gonna visit some old friends in Peru for a few days. Wait, how did you even know I was going?”

“I may have overheard you and Bobby,” Eddie admitted in a sheepish voice. “So, you’re not moving?”

“You thought I was moving?” Buck repeated incredulously, eyebrows raised so high they nearly got lost in his curls.

“You said you were leaving! I panicked,” Eddie defended, running a hand through his hair. “I didn’t- I didn’t know what to think.”

Buck’s expression softened, and his lips quirked into a small smile. “Eddie, I wasn’t going anywhere for good.” Eddie let out a shaky breath, feeling the weight lift from his chest. He still couldn’t believe he’d misunderstood everything so completely.

“So, are you still gonna go?” Eddie asked, his voice tinged with hesitation, the question still hanging in the air like a fragile thread.

“You know, I have a pretty good reason to stay. Think I can postpone the trip,” Buck told him with a grin before bringing him in for another kiss. This one was simple, sweet. It was everything Eddie craved. Every lingering doubt, every ounce of fear, melted away in that one kiss. It was like they were both finally where they were supposed to be, and for the first time in a long time, Eddie didn’t feel the need to run.

They pulled apart, and Buck tilted his head, asking, “Hey, why didn’t you just let yourself in the building?”

“Dropped my keys down the sewer drain.”

“I know you like to be driven around, but come on. You could’ve just asked,” Buck teased, looking at Eddie with a warmth in his eyes that Eddie couldn’t quite explain. But all he knew was that it was one that he never wanted to look away from. 

Eddie’s heart swelled in his chest. For the first time in a long time, he was exactly where he needed to be. Right here, with Buck. No more pretending. No more running. No more trying to convince himself that he could be happy without this, without him. He could feel the weight of all the walls he’d built around himself—the ones that had kept him safe but isolated—crumbling away, piece by piece.

With every breath, with every beat of his heart, Eddie realized just how much he’d been holding back. How much he’d kept buried deep down, trying to protect himself from what felt too good, too risky—too real.  

But now, standing here, he knew that he didn’t need to be afraid anymore.

As Buck’s lips met his again, Eddie thought to himself, This… this was exactly how it was supposed to feel like.