Work Text:
The summer sun filtered through the curtains of the villa, casting soft patterns on the cool, tiled floor. A gentle breeze carried the scent of salt and sun-warmed pine through the large open window. The villa was Julian's. It was a new place he'd chosen along with his younger brother, since they used to visit the island every summer. It felt natural for them to finally get a permanent place. The light-filled room reflected his taste, modern and simple with earthy tones.
On the wide bed in the center of the room, Julian was tangled in the white linen sheets. His bare skin was warm and reddened by the reflection of the sunlight coming in. Mats was beside him, leaning against the headboard, with his chest rising and falling in a steady rhythm. His fingers absently stroked Julian's shoulder as he was curled up against him, resting his head just below Mats' collarbone.
Julian shifted, propping himself up on his elbow to look at Mats, while pressing his free palm on the older man's chest. His fingers shetled there and spread wide, as if they were afraid to let go. His blond hair was tousled from sleep and his face looked tired in the early morning light.
"Do you remember when we came to Dortmund together?" he began steadily. “I never thought we’d end up like this", he added, his voice low and rough from the remnants of sleep.
Mats glanced down at him, his dark eyes searching Julian's face. He didn’t respond immediately, and in the silence, the sound of cicadas outside grew louder. Julian hated that silence, it felt like a refusal to engage. Quietly accepting an inevitability Julian wasn’t ready to face. Instead, Mats' hand slid up to the back of his neck, his fingers weaving through the soft blond strands. He pulled Julian closer, brushing his chin against the crown of his head.
"You returned to finish what you left behind" Julian said.
"And I think, at the time, I came to create something new for myself. Grow...?" he took a second to think about it. He wasn't sure of what he wanted to say. "I don’t know, it feels like somehow our paths crossed, and it worked. And now you're just… leaving?"
Mats sighed deeply, rubbing a hand over his face. He looked older in moments like this.
"You know it’s not that simple Jule" he said, his voice low and rough from sleep. "This season… everything with the coach, the board, the final -"
"The final doesn’t matter," Julian cut him off. His voice rising slightly. He sat up now, the sheets pooling around his waist exposing his bare skin even more. "It was one game. One goddamn game. Mats you're one of the reasons we even got there, so what happened that day doesn’t change what you mean to the club."
Mats turned his head, staring out the open window. He didn’t meet Julian’s eyes. "It’s the fight with Edin, it's the final, it’s everything, so much politics… And most importantly, the feeling that I’ve outstayed my welcome. It’s like I don’t belong there anymore."
"No you do. You belong," Julian insisted, his hand reaching out to touch Mats’ forearm. "You belong more than anyone. You and Marco are the heart of the team." he added now more seriously, "You guide us, you're a constant here. If you go -" He faltered, his voice catching. "If you go, then what happens after that?"
Finally, Mats turned to face him, his expression flat "You'll be alright, you have Nico, you have Greg...".
"You know I'm not talking only about the team" Julian replied back. Then the older man thought for a moment,"This doesn’t have to end, Jule. Not if we don’t let it."
Julian shook his head, frustration bubbling to the surface. "It will change. You know it will. The distance, the uncertainty… I can't lose you."
"You won’t lose me," Mats said, his voice softening. He reached up, brushing a strand of hair from Julian’s face. "I’ll always be here for you, no matter what. But I can’t stay in Dortmund like this. It’s tearing me apart."
Julian looked away awkwardly and then he slowly buried his face into Mats’ chest, his lips brushing against warm skin, leaving a soft and agonizingly slow kiss.
“Don’t go.” he whispered almost pleading.
Mats stiffened beneath him. His hand paused mid-motion before resting firmly against Julian’s nape, touching him and massaging the spot with force. For a moment, it seemed like he might say something, but instead he exhaled, deeply conflicted.
Julian leaned into his touch, his eyes closing briefly. When he opened them again, his gaze was intense. "Just do something, anything. You can't just walk away. You'd never do this."
Mats’ lips curved into a faint, wry smile. "And I know, that you're also not like this. You don’t give up either, no matter how much shit you get"
"I’m not giving up," Julian said, "I’m asking you not to leave me."
The room fell quiet again. Mats looked at Julian for a long moment, his expression softening as he saw the raw emotion in the younger man’s eyes. He pulled Julian closer, their foreheads touching as they sat together in the morning light.
"I don’t want to leave you," Mats admitted, his voice breaking slightly. "But sometimes, staying feels like losing, too. And I can't lose. Not again."
Julian closed his eyes, gripping on Mats’ neck as tightly as the other one did. The atmosphere wasn't comfortable, nor was it entirely uneasy. Mats’ eyes fell on the younger one's face tracing the curve of Julian’s jaw, down to his throat, his thumb lingering just above his collarbone. His touch was firm but careful, as though trying to memorize every inch of him.
“You don’t understand,” Mats said finallyin a hoarse voice. His thumb brushed against Julian’s skin.
“I understand more than you think,” Julian replied, leaning into the touch. His hand slid down Mats’ neck to his chest, then resting against his ribs, where he could feel every breath Mats took. “I understand what it means to fight for something you care about.”
Mats’ jaw clenched, the fire in his eyes had not extinguished entirely yet. His other hand moved to Julian’s back firmly, reminding of his usual assertive nature, that seemed to be gone now. “And I’ve been fighting, Julian. You know me - I don’t give up easily. But this is different.” He exhaled sharply, his gaze momentarily breaking. “Sometimes, you have to accept it when it’s over. It doesn’t mean I didn’t care. It means I know when to let go.”
Julian’s lips parted slightly, a sharp breath escaping. His usual composure had long ago faded, leaving him raw and exposed. “No,” he said, his voice quiet but fierce. “You don’t just stop. You’re the one who keeps going when everyone else quits and fights until there’s nothing left.”
Mats’ eyes softened “And maybe this time, I’ve reached that point. You think I haven’t thought about this? Haven’t tried to find another way?”
For the first time, it was Mats who was silent, caught off guard by Julian's intensity. The stubbornness he so often had, was reflected in Julian’s gaze. Like they had switched sides and neither of them fully recognized it until now.
Mats looked at him, his breath shallow, and for a fleeting moment, Julian thought he might give in. His grip was firm, almost desperate.
“You’re asking me to stay...” Mats murmured, his voice breaking slightly. “And I don't know if I am even allowed to.” he finally whispered at the blond and then placed a soft kiss at the top of his head. He then lifted Julian up and rested his forehead against the other one for another moment, before pulling back just enough to look at him. “What do you want me to do, Julian? It's not under my control.” he asked meaningfully.
Julian’s gaze flickered across Mats’ face - his strong jaw, the lines of tension around his eyes, the vulnerability he tried so hard to mask. “I'm sorry, I don’t believe it.” he said finally,with a trembling voice.
He did believe it, he knew that what had happened was hard, if not impossible to fix. Julian had always been more understanding of things. He knew when to stop, to think before saying stuff, but at that moment he couldn't be himself.
Mats didn’t answer right away. Instead, he leaned in, his lips brushing against Julian’s in a kiss that was more an act of desperation than passion. It was slow and aching. When they finally pulled apart, Mats breathed unsteady into the younger one's mouth.
“I don’t think staying is the right choice,” Mats admitted uncertainly.
The sunlight continued to stream through the window, warm and relentless, as Julian pulled back just enough to sit up, revealing the sharp lines and the faint marks Mats had left there the night before. His gaze was a mixture of frustration and pleading.
"I want you to stay"
Julian's chest rose and fell as he sat there, his eyes never leaving Mats, slowly shifting closer. He knelt in front of Mats, his hands finding their way to the older man's waist.
He wrapped his arms tightly around him, pulling him in an uncomfortable hug, his cheek pressing against the firm planes of Mats' abdomen. His grip was anything but steady-it trembled slightly, betraying the emotions he was trying to keep under control.
"Don't go," Julian murmured, his voice muffled against Mats' skin. His breath was hot, his words low and pleading, carrying a weight that made Mats' throat tighten.
The older man's hands found their way to the back of Julian's face. His fingers curled gently into Julian's hair, but he didn't speak. He couldn't. Words felt meaningless in the face of everything Julian was pouring into the moment.
Julian tilted his head, his lips brushing against Mats' skin, warm and tender. His kisses started soft, hesitant even, trailing across Mats' stomach. But with each passing second, they grew more purposeful. "Don't go," he repeated, the words tumbling out between kisses. Mats' breath hitched, but he kept silent, his jaw tightening as he focused on the sensation of Julian's mouth against him. The younger man's movements were unhurried yet filled with urgency, as though trying to leave something of himself behind, something Mats couldn't forget.
Julian's hands slid lower, gripping Mats hips firmly, as he pressed another kiss. His voice broke slightly as he whispered again, "Don't leave me."
Mats closed his eyes, his chest tightening painfully. He could feel Julian's every breath and tremor in his body, but knew-if he spoke, if he made even the smallest sound, it would shatter everything.
Instead, he kept still, letting Julian's voice and touch fill the silence. The noises and quiet gasps Julian made wrapped around Mats'mind, leaving him breathless. Every touch, every kiss, felt like a question he didn't have the answer to, and it left him feeling more exposed than he ever had been on the pitch or in any conference room.
Julian's head rested against Mats' stomach again, his arms tightening around him, and his voice cracked when he whispered,
"Please, Mats. Don't leave."
Mats hand slid down, resting lightly on Julian's shoulder, his fingers brushing over his skin as though trying to memorize the texture of it. His heart coudln't bare the weight of everything he couldn't say, but in that moment, it wasn't nessesary. Julian's touch and voice said everything words never could. And Mats let it happen, because he wanted to hold onto the moment, not fight it. To hear and feel Julian.
Julian's hands lingered on Mats' waist for a moment, his grip firm but trembling with emotion. Slowly he began to move lower, his lips trailing down from Mats' stomach, leaving a path of soft, burning kisses along the way. Each touch was unhurried, yet there was a desperation in how his mouth lingered on Mats' skin.
Mats stayed still, his breathing shallow but steady, as Julian shifted further down. The younger man's lips brushed over his hipbones, then lower, following the curve of Mats' thighs. Julian's hands slid down to rest on Mats' legs, his fingers tracing the lines of muscle with devotion. When his lips found the sensitive skin of Mats' inner thigh, Mats' body tensed involuntarily, a sharp intake of breath betraying the restraint he was trying so hard to maintain.
Julian didn't stop. He pressed another kiss on Mats' thigh, slower this time, letting his full lips linger. His hands gripped Mats' legs more tightly, for what he was about to do. It felt silly and shallow for him to beg like that. He knew this wasn't the answer - it wouldn't change anything, but he couldn't let go. Not yet.
The room was silent except for the faint rustle of the sheets and the unsteady rhythm of Mats' breathing. Julian's lips moved higher, until he reached him. There was nothing between them, no barriers, and Mats let out a sharp exhale again, his head tipping back against the headboard as Julian's mouth wrapped around his dick.
Julian worked slowly at first, his mouth warm and careful, his tongue tracing along Mats' length with precision. Mats' body reacted despite himself, his hands gripping the sheets at his sides. He refused to make a sound, his jaw tight as he focused on the sensation of Julian's mouth sucking on him and the quiet, desperate noises the younger man made as he moved.
It didn't take long for Mats to harden fully under Julian's touch. Julian's movements became more purposeful, his hands steadying Mats' hips as he took him as deep as he could, driving the older man closer to the edge.
But this wasn't just about pleasure. Julian's every touch carried a plea, every flick of his tongue was meant as a silent "stay." He knew it wasn't fair nor rational, but it was the only thing he had left to offer.
Mats' hands finally moved without much thought, tangling in the blond hair as the younger man continued with increased desperation. Julian's lips slid up and down, his pace alternating between slow and purposeful to fast and fierce. His free hand moved to Mats' thigh, squeezing tightly as if he could keep the older man there and stop him from slipping away.
But as he moved, a small part of Julian knew this wasn't enough. It couldn't be enough. No matter how much he gave, no matter how much he poured into this moment, Mats' reasons for leaving wouldn't simply disappear. However he still couldn't stop himself. Because if there was even a chance-no matter how slim-he had to try.
The wet sounds of Julian's mouth and the occasional gasp that kept escaping him filled the room. Mats closed his eyes, his chest heaving in pleasure as he tried to stay in control of all this physicality. No matter how close they were, no matter how deeply they were entwined in this moment, the question of what came next loomed over them and neither of them could escape it.
Mats' breathing grew heavier and his body got tense, then suddenly Julian's movements slowed, his mouth taking him in deeply and lingering there before pulling back just enough, his lips warm and slick.
When Mats finally dared to open his eyes his gaze fell on Julian. The sight caused a sharp shake in his chest. The blue eyes were locked at him, focused and filled with something raw and undefinable. There was no hesitation, no pretense, just the quiet, desperate intensity of someone who didn't want to lose what they had.
That look was what pushed Mats closer to the edge. His hand tightened in Julian's hair, his jaw clenching as his body betrayed him and his hips shifted towards Julian's face. And still, the younger man didn't look away. His gaze never faltered, which made Mats spiral, until he reached his breaking point. His body tensed and a low moan escaped him. Julian held him steady, his mouth taking him fully as Mats came undone. Even in the heat of it, those blue eyes stayed fixed on Mats, breaking him all at once.
As the tension subsided and Mats' breathing slowed, Julian pulled back carefully. He rested his forehead briefly against Mats' thigh, his hands still gripping him, reluctant to let go. When he finally lifted his head, his cheeks were flushed and his lips were swollen, but his gaze was still steady.
Mats swallowed hard, his voice rough when he finally spoke. "Julian.." His tone was soft, almost apologetic, as if he didn't know how to finish the thought.
Julian sat back on his heels, his hand sliding to rest on Mats' knee. "Don't - don't say it," he interrupted,"Not yet."
Mats looked at him, the conflict in his dark eyes appearing painfully clear. "This won't change anything. Because we can't change it"
Julian's lips pressed into a thin line, and he nodded slowly, as he cleaned the sides of his mouth with his other hand. His gaze dropping for just a moment before meeting Mats' again.
"I know," he admitted. Then even more quietly, he added, "But it had to mean something."
Mats reached out then, both of them now sitting on the bed. His hand was cupping the side of Julian's face and his thumb brushed gently against his cheekbone. For a long moment, he just held him there, as if trying to convey everything he couldn't put into words. "It does," Mats said finally, his voice thick with emotion while kissing his lips softly. "It always does."
Julian closed his eyes at that, leaning into the touch, letting himself believe-if only for a moment-that it might be enough.
The quiet intimacy of the room was suddenly interrupted by the faint sound of voices and laughter drifting up from the villa’s lower floor. Mats stirred slightly, turning his head toward the open window. The summer breeze carried the carefree energy of the guys returning from the beach.
Julian, still kneeling on the bed, sighed softly. Without a word, he stood up and the sunlight streaming through the window caught on the lines of his naked body. His gaze flickered toward Mats briefly, before he stepped closer to the window.
Standing there, Julian leaned lightly against the frame, his arms resting on the ledge as he looked down. Below, his brother and a few friends were walking in the garden, laughing and chatting. They moved with an ease that felt worlds apart from the tension in the room above.
Julian watched them for a moment, his expression calm but distant, as if trying to absorb some of their lightness. The corners of his mouth twitched into a faint smile. There was still a whole week of vacation left - a week to enjoy, to pretend that life wasn’t waiting to tear him apart when they returned.
Then he pushed off the window frame and turned back toward the room. The sunlight followed him as he walked, his bare feet silent against the tiled floor. Mats noticed his evidently detached expression.
Julian didn’t stop or say a word as he passed the bed where Mats was still sitting, watching him with a heavy gaze. Instead, he headed towards the bathroom, the muscles in his back shifting as he moved. Mats’ eyes lingered on him, from top to bottom, taking in every detail - the strands of hair sticking to his neck, the faint marks on his skin, his tattoos, the way the sunlight played across his figure.
Julian without looking back, stepped inside the bathroom and turned on the shower, the sound of water filling the silence that Mats hadn’t realized was so heavy.
And Mats stayed where he was, lying in the rumpled sheets, staring at the empty doorway. Watching Julian walk away, even for just a shower, felt like a small rehearsal for the much bigger goodbye they both knew was coming. But for now, Mats let himself stay in the quiet, caught between the warmth of the sunlight and the distant echoes of laughter from below.