Chapter Text
"So." Vega shifted slightly in his seat, looking past his feet propped up on the workbench, his chair balanced on just the rear two legs.
"Yeah Vega?" Joker's voice came clearly through the speaker.
"You and Lola..."
"Shepard and I what?" Vega was pretty sure he could hear the pilot's grin growing bigger. "Fuck like bunnies on a regular basis?"
"Hell, Joker, does she know you talk about her like that behind her back?"
"He talks about me like that to my face, Vega, don't worry about it."
"Uh." Vega's chair fell flat to the floor with a clatter at the sound of Ella Shepard's voice on the comm. He ignored the echo of Esteban laughing at him from his station across the Bay.
"I'm pretty sure we warned everyone that if you're talking to me somewhere public on ship, there are even odds that Joker's listening." Sounds like Lola's laughing too. "Should've realized it worked the other way too, now, shouldn't you Vega?"
"Well. Sort-of?" Vega frowned, shoulders hunched. "I kinda wanted to..."
"Talk about me behind my back?" She actually did laugh aloud that time, a short low chuckle. "Alright, I'll leave you boys alone." He heard the soft damp sound of a kiss, which really is going on a lot longer than necessary, especially on deck, followed by the whisper of her voice, saying something the comm didn't quite pick up. And then Vega waited some more, until he heard a bulkhead door slide closed, because Joker being Joker he'd obviously be watching her leave, not paying attention to the voice from the Bay.
"Done playing kissy-face on duty, Joker?"
"I am never done playing kissy-face with Shepard, Vega." Joker said. "But I'll take a break to talk to you, since you asked so very nicely. Oh, wait, no you didn't."
Vega rolled his eyes. "You're one to talk about the manners, volante."
"Hey. Keep your insults to languages I have a shot of thinking up a come-back in, gros."
"What, was that french?"
"Yeah. You should feel special. Usually only break that out for my girl."
"You call her your girl. Lola. Who, you know, likes to break people?"
"Ah, but she thinks I'm cute. Won't break me." Joker snickered. "Unless I ask."
"Too much intel, Joker."
"Then ask your damn question, Vega, or you are stuck with whatever else I think up on my own."
"It's almost her birthday, right?"
There was a pause, slight enough it wouldn't have even been noticeable with anyone besides Joker, who tended to talk faster than most people could think, and then his voice was soft when he answered. "Yeah. Almost."
"Would throwing her a sort-of surprise party be the sort of thing that would get me punched, or would she like it?"
"Uh." There was another pause. Vega was pleasantly surprised that Joker actually seemed to be thinking about it. "As long as you don't put a number on the cake to remind her her years are all screwed up, I'm pretty sure she'd like it. Especially if it involves chocolate. And or strawberries. If I'm wrong though, it's going to be all your fault. Not mine."
Vega snorted, tilting his chair back up on its back legs. "Knew that already. You get her a present?"
"Oh, yeah." The smirk was audible in his voice.
Vega added that to the list of things he didn't want to know more about. "Any safe-for-coworkers suggestions?"
"I mentioned chocolate and strawberries already, right?"
"Yes."
"Well then. She likes food. Proper actual real food, not synthesized. She bakes things." Joker's voice trailed off in something that sounded suspiciously like awe.
"What, like cookies?"
"And bread. And pies. Oh my god, the cherries." That time his voice completely stopped, and Vega couldn't resist chuckling at the sudden mental image of Joker drooling all over his fancy bucket seat. "Plus when she's done, we have all this extra chocolate syrup to play with."
"Damnit Joker, too much intel, remember?"
"You're the one who called me, Vega."
"And I'm never doing that again."
"Yes, you will." Smug bastard. "I'm irresistible."
"Maybe to Lola."
"Definitely to Lola."
"Aaand, that's enough of that for two lifetimes. Later, pilot."
"Later, jarhead."