Chapter Text
October.
November.
December.
January.
I stopped existing for exactly four months. That's how I think of it anyway; the time trickled by as I went through the motions, doing the bare minimum to survive. I'm sure it seemed like a ghost haunted my form.
Charlie gave me the first two weeks without complaint.
After a month, he tried to talk about it. That snapped me out of it slightly, enough that I started taking care of myself again. Showering daily, cooking most nights. I even ventured into new recipes, one surprise dish a week. I would give him small smiles and absently talk about my day with him, however empty it was. His concern only marginally lessened.
After two months, I got a job just so I wouldn't see him hover over me anxiously. Newton's, a hardware and outdoors store owned by Mike Newton's parents. They had me on Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays, and Saturdays. Sometimes they gave me an extra day off to be a teenager. My grades didn't suffer; I answered every question like a robot. Still cooked when I got home. The house stayed clean.
The nightmares never stopped. Me, alone and stumbling through the woods. I would wake up screaming. Originally, everyone had assumed the worst when they found me in the woods half-dead with torn and bloody clothing. It was a fair worry to have. I was catatonic, only repeating "he's gone" over and over. I only snapped out of it long enough when I heard a fellow cop whisper to Charlie about a rape kit. Dad listened to my protesting, dropping it. I wonder if the screaming night terrors ever made that judgement waver.
I don't remember much about the night he left. Just stumbling through the woods blindly after him, then the sensation of being carried. The blue and red lights flashing. Worried yells. Charlie talking to me, Dr. Gerandy looking me over anxiously. The worried suggestions before they finally left me be.
After three months, Charlie tried approaching the topic with me again. His concern. My zombie appearance. The nightmares. Though both the employees and customers at Newton's admired my work ethic, they said it was sometimes like I was a ghost.
And finally, after one hundred and twenty-two days, he'd had enough. "You're going to Jacksonville."
I looked up from my bowl of cereal. "To visit?"
He looked uncomfortable, mustache turned downwards. "To stay. You're going back to Renée. Jacksonville. Home." He didn't mean the last word.
"What did I do?"
"It's what you haven't been doing, Bells. You haven't been living. He's not coming back, none of them have tried to contact you. You've been scaring the hell out of me. Maybe leaving Forks would do you some good. Sunshine, make some new friends..."
I cringed at the former part of his statement. We would never say his name, but we both knew exactly who we were speaking of. That name was forbidden now. A landmine waiting to be stepped on.
"I like my friends here."
"When's the last time you saw them outside of school?" He asked.
I paused before lying. "I was planning on hanging out with Jessica tonight. Girls' night. Movies, maybe we'll go shopping this weekend."
He wasn't buying it. I could see it clearly on his face. He conceded all the same. "Fine."
"I'll probably be late for dinner," I said with a forced smile. "I gotta get to school."
I emptied the remnants of cereal and milk down the sink's drain and ran upstairs to brush my teeth quickly. It only took me about two minutes before I was out the door.
I was early to school. I spent the free time on homework I somehow managed to miss.
English coasted through easily. Mike walked with me, dutiful as always. He would ask questions, polite ones about my day or if I'm working this weekend, but there wasn't any suggestion that he was listening to my answer. Just polite chatter.
Calculus was next. I mentally prepared myself to ask Jessica to hang out. She hadn't actually spoken to me in about two months. Reasonable. I didn't blame her.
I spent the entire class wondering how to ask. Twice, Mr. Varner called on me despite my hand not being raised. I gave the incorrect answer both times.
The bell rang. Nothing to lose.
"Hey, Jess?"
She turned slowly, sleek brown brows raised. "Yeah, Bella?"
"Do you wanna see a movie tonight?" Straight to the point.
"You're actually asking me?"
I'm drowning. "Unless you already have plans."
She pursed her lips as she thought. "I don't. What do you want to see? There's this cute romcom I've been wanting to see, but there's this zombie movie the guys were talking about."
"Zombies."
My interest surprised her. "I'll pick you up after school?"
"Yeah. Cool. I'm off today. "
She nodded before slowly turning away to head to her next class. I think she was muttering under her breath.
The rest of the day passed in a blur. I changed as soon as I got home. I'd mentally prepared my outfit; warm for a cold mid-January night.
As I changed into my sweater, I took stock of my room. While the rest of the house was spotless to an insane degree, my room was a mess. Clothes in small mountains, books on the floor. At least six bottles of water were scattered around the tiny living space.
When had I done this?
I shook it off and grabbed a jacket before meeting Jessica downstairs, sliding easily into the passenger seat. She'd changed into warmer clothes as well.
It suddenly hit me that I had no clue what to talk to her about. What was a safe topic with her?
"How are you and Mike?" I asked.
"We broke up. Around the same time as you and Edward." Her voice was flat.
Strike one. I winced and ignored the searing pain in my chest.
"Are you seeing anyone new?" I attempted.
"I've gone on a few dates, none of them panned out. I even went out with Eric." She grimaced.
"Wait, Eric Eric? Really?"
Jessica didn't look proud. "Yeah, I know. I felt so bad that he even asked. Cause why even-- whatever. He was so sweet. He even got me flowers."
"And it went down like a lead balloon?" I volunteered.
"Oh yeah. It was borderline painful." She paused. "You seem... better."
I didn't want to lie.
"I'm trying to be," I finally admitted. "Are you going to give me details about this horrible date or do I have to drag them out of you?"
She laughed and chatted animatedly the rest of the way. The date didn't sound bad, except for the fact of it being with poor Eric. But I made all the appropriate noises as the correct times, asked questions and made exclamations when it was my turn.
The movie itself was fine; zombies eating people. Pretty standard fare. I kept my face into a grimace when the carnage started. Jessica screamed at least a half dozen times, pressed into her seat while staring in horror at the screen. I was more intrigued with the popcorn. Jessica let me snack on the Twizzlers she'd gotten at the concession stand.
Afterwards, she talked animatedly animatedly about the male love interest, ignoring the part where his face was eaten. I felt nauseous that the herione was a petite brunette. I could easily imagine my face on hers.
"Where do you want to eat?" She asked in the concession area of the movie theater. We didn't want to enter the cold quite yet.
"Doesn't matter to me."
"Mickey D's? There's one within walking distance," she looked at the giant yellow M just a short distance away.
"Sure."
She continued chattering the entire walk, during the wait for the food, and even somehow as we ate. Ten nuggets and a small fry later, we were walking back to the car when she suddenly stopped talking.
I looked over at her. She was staring straight ahead, jaw set tight. Her eyes looked over to beyond me for a split second. Her breathing was a bit harder than usual.
I turned. We were walking past a dimly lit alley. There were a group of men talking loudly, maybe even yelling at eachother. They were leaning on motorcycles.
"Don't look," Jessica hissed.
I stopped, staring. I couldn't explain the sudden pull to watch these strangers, but nothing intrigued me more. It was as if I pressed my fingers against a live wire. I felt my pulse suddenly start up again, a little kick of adrenaline. My hands were shaking. My throat dried.
"Bella," Jessica whispered frantically. "Keep moving, come on."
"They don't see us." I followed her far enough to be hidden by the brick of the buildings and peeked my head around the corner.
The men started fighting, one shoving the other. Fists were thrown, followed by beer bottles. Shattering glass. The man on the ground stumbled to his bike, taking off quickly on the motorcycle. He made it about half-way down the alley before losing control and falling, the bike rolling over him.
"Run, go, go!" I whispered to Jessica. We hurried to her car, only stopping to buckle in.
She grabbed the steering wheel, breathing heavy. "That was insane. You're insane."
"Morbid curiosity. I'm sorry."
Jessica took a moment to smile just a fraction. "At least they didn't see us. I'm glad you were at least smart enough to hide."
"Smartest dumb decision," I agreed.
Jess was still mumbling to herself about what an idiot I was, but my pulse didn't slow the entire drive home.
For the first time in months, I felt alive.