Work Text:
“I’m going to ask Traffy if he wants to fuck,” Luffy announced casually, with his head on Zoro’s chest after a particularly vigorous afternoon of fun.
Zoro’s brain took a few seconds to catch up, and then he groaned when he realized his captain was asking for his opinion – not his approval, because Luffy didn’t care about that. Zoro also knew he wouldn’t take fake snoring for an answer, and he wouldn’t let it go.
He pushed Luffy off him and put his clothes back on, while his captain remained stubbornly naked, sitting cross-legged on the thin mat of the crow’s nest.
“I don’t care,” Zoro said between clenched teeth. “Do what you want.”
Wow, good job trying not to sound annoyed, he thought. Luffy frowned, tilting his head to the side like he was studying him. Zoro felt naked even though he was the only one dressed.
“He’s not crew,” Luffy remarked.
His little charade – having sex with every crew member – had always been centered on the Strawhats, and them only. The captain and his strange, half-cooked ideas about matelotage, and his crew, with their blind acceptance of his quirks. But it was a crew thing, a Luffy thing, and Law was kind of an outsider.
“We’re in an alliance with the man, aren’t we?” Zoro said a bit roughly.
Luffy nodded like he was waiting for the other shoe to drop.
“You like him, don’t you?”
A smile beamed on Luffy’s face, so wide it was blinding. There it was, Zoro thought.
“I don’t mind,” Zoro repeated softly – it was the truth, it was impossible to be jealous with Luffy. “But don’t get your hopes up, he’ll probably dismember you,” he added for good measure, and Luffy just laughed.
**
“Why did you lie?” the cook asked Zoro after dinner, when it was just the two of them in the kitchen.
“What?”
Cigarette ashes fell into the soapy water of the sink and the cook raised a curly eyebrow as he passed him another plate to dry.
“Earlier, in the crow’s nest.”
“Eavesdropping, you shitty pervert?” Zoro said with a smirk.
“You’re not exactly discreet, you know. I was about to bring you snacks, because it sounded exhausting.”
Zoro wiped the same plate for a while, until the cook took it from his hands and put it away for him.
“You’re the most possessive person I know,” he said not unkindly.
“I’m not,” Zoro said as a reflex.
The cook just snorted and blew smoke in his face.
“There is no stopping him,” Zoro said.
Ever. He would lie if he said he hadn’t been a little heart broken when he realized that Luffy had propositioned everyone on the ship, and that he wasn’t special. But he had learned to accept it and appreciate the unbridled fun they had on occasion. He loved seeing his captain happy and it was all that mattered.
“Do we think Law will even agree?” the cook wondered.
“Worst case scenario, he shambles him to the bottom of the sea,” Zoro mused.
“Then I’ll swim down there and save him,” the cook assured him with a pat on the shoulder.
**
Watching Luffy try to flirt with Law was like watching a ship sink in slow motion. Zoro knew it would end up with screams, death and property damage, and there was no way to stop it.
Nami and Usopp were whispering about murder and a betting pool, while the cook kept bringing more food in an attempt to stop their captain from talking about bugs. The worst thing was that Law didn’t seem totally put off – he was just frowning a lot and kept looking at everyone like he thought it was some sort of prank.
“Come with me,” Luffy eventually told the other captain, jumping to his feet and grabbing Law’s arm – the surgeon immediately slapped his hand away, but Luffy was relentless like a tidal wave.
“Whatever it is, you can tell me here,” Law protested, mistaking Luffy’s insistence for a desire to talk in private.
He wanted to do a lot more than chat, Zoro thought, and he winked at Law, hoping he’d catch his drift. But Law was either dumb, or Zoro was bad at winking, because he kept demanding what it was about, and Luffy kept trying to drag him away, whining that it was important.
The stalemate ended when Luffy stretched an arm impossibly far towards the infirmary; before he could snap back and catapult them to the other side of the ship, Law flicked his fingers and they both vanished. Two packs of gauze fell on the deck where they stood.
Zoro scoffed and drank directly out of the bottle he had managed to snatch from the kitchen when the cook wasn’t looking.
“I want in on that bet,” Franky told Nami.
“Me too,” the cook added with a stupid grin.
“You already owe me money,” their navigator objected.
They all started arguing, and Zoro groaned because it was impossible to take a nap around here. He raised the bottle to take another swig of alcohol, but it suddenly disappeared from his hand, and he was left with an empty cup with the Hearts Pirates emblem on the side. At least now he knew they were on the Tang, he thought with a sigh.
**
Just as Luffy was about to finally get Traffy somewhere they could be all alone – Nami had drilled into him long ago that some things should only be done in private – the other captain used his powers and teleported them away. His overextended arm snapped back and he looked around, gawking at the room. It was small and cramped, with a bed on wheels, a desk and metallic doors; he could hear the faint hum of the engine. They were in the submarine’s infirmary.
“That’s so cool!” he exclaimed, trying not to read too much in the way Traffy glared at him – he was never really mad at him.
“What do you want–” Traffy started.
Luffy kissed him instead of answering, because he wasn’t good with words. Traffy recoiled, his back hitting the desk. He was definitely mad at him this time, Luffy thought sadly.
“What the fuck, Strawhat,” he barked, and his eyes looked dark – lust and anger often looked the same, so Luffy didn’t give up just yet.
“It’s matelotage,” Luffy said quickly, “you know, when a captain and his crew fuck as a sign of loyalty.”
Traffy sat down on the only chair, so Luffy jumped on the medical bed. It was cold and lacked sheets and stuff, but it’d do just fine – he had sex in weirder places before. With a flick of his fingers, Traffy switched a cup and a bottle of alcohol. He sighed and took a swig.
“Who told you that nonsense about matelotage?” Traffy snapped, looking at him like he was dumb. “Actually don’t answer that, I don’t want to know.”
“So, do you want to fuck or not?” Luffy insisted, his feet dangling from the bed.
“We’re not doing that,” Traffy said, his tone final.
“Everyone always agrees,” Luffy said with a pout.
“What do you mean, everyone?”
“Zoro, Sanji, Nami of course, and Franky…” Luffy started counting on his fingers. “Robin, Uso–”
“And they all agreed?” Traffy wondered. “You lot are weird, that’s just ludicrous.”
“If ludicrous means fun, then yeah!” Luffy said.
He couldn’t really read the vibe anymore. Traffy looked conflicted. Maybe because he wasn’t actually part of his crew.
“I asked Robin and she said it didn’t matter that we were both captains, as long as I asked first.”
“You didn’t ask shit, you just kissed me out of the blue.”
“I’ve been flirting with you all evening,” Luffy objected.
Law looked at him with an unreadable expression that made him feel stupid, but also warm inside.
“Does that mean you want to have sex?” Luffy perked up and the wheels of the bed creaked.
“Fuck no.”
Luffy sat back down, trying not to show how disappointed he was, and probably failing big time.
“It doesn’t have to be sex,” Luffy said. “We can do other things.”
“Like what?”
That glint was back in Traffy’s eyes, and he seemed curious now, studying him like an interesting case.
“I don’t know,” Luffy said with a shrug. “Anything you want.”
He didn’t really have preferences when it came to sex, and he was always ready to try new stuff; he just liked when everyone had fun.
Traffy blinked, turned to grab a pair of gloves from the desk behind, and said, “Lie back down.”
Luffy grinned as he did.
**
When it became clear that Luffy wasn’t joking, and that his whole crew were a bunch of enablers for his freaky sex thing, Law actually thought about his offer. He didn’t care much about sex – it was always messy and often frustrating – but the inner workings of Strawhat’s body were a tantalizing mystery.
The kid stared at him, still clothed with his back on the metallic gurney Law used for his surgeries – the very same where he lay half-dead after getting hit by magma two years ago. Back then, Law hadn’t had time to study his body like he wanted, merely focusing on mending bones and flesh to keep him alive.
“Should I get naked or–” Strawhat trailed.
He looked hesitant. Not reluctant – the fool was too trusting for his own good – just unsure how to proceed.
Law snapped the gloves on and said, “Actually yes, you can remove the vest.”
The garment ended on the floor, and if Law hadn’t stopped him, he would have removed his jorts as well. Eager little freak, he thought. He put a gloved finger on his chest, following the raised and pinkish scar that crossed his otherwise smooth, tan skin.
“That tickles,” Strawhat said. “So Traffy just wants to play doctor?”
Law made a face, because he knew the kid meant that literally.
“Not exactly…”
It was weird. Maybe he was overstepping. But Strawhat just nodded, propped up on an elbow, staring at him with that unnerving, unblinking stare of his.
“Anything,” he repeated – and fuck, maybe that was a little hot after all, Law thought.
“I want to study you,” he said, voice catching in his throat. “Cut you up and take you apart.”
“Oh,” Strawhat just said.
He wasn’t afraid, despite lying half naked in front of him, his body on display for him to use, while locked inside his submarine. He should be afraid, Law thought, a bit bitterly – maybe he’d be less reckless all the time. Out of spite, he brought a small room around his gloved fingers and pushed through skin and muscle, reaching the kid’s stomach.
Strawhat just stared, wide eyed but not freaking out. So Law took the whole organ out and lifted it at eye level, trapped inside a transparent cube powered with a tiny fraction of his power. It looked deceptively normal, for something that could process the incredible quantities of food he’d seen Strawhat ingest.
**
That was his stomach, Traffy said as he traced the organ with a gloved finger. It was terribly normal, he said. His hands were cautious, but Luffy could still feel them at all times, prodding, caressing. It was intimate somehow.
“How come I can feel everything?” he commented, lying on the metallic bed with his head cushioned by his hands and his hat.
“Most visceral organs have nociceptors,” Traffy said.
“Uh.” Luffy frowned. His stomach usually wasn’t too noisy. “Is that what makes my body go boing?”
“No. It means you can feel my fingers, even if it’s inside your body.”
But it wasn’t inside anymore, and Traffy started taking out more organs, commenting along while he was doing so. It was weird to see little pieces of him floating around in glowing cubes, pink and red, contracting and living outside his body. He stopped listening to all the scientific babbling after a while, and instead focused on Traffy’s face, and how it lit up every time he took a new part out of him.
Traffy had his intestine looped around his finger and it looked like a very long pink sausage. His stomach growled loudly at the thought, somewhere in the room. He giggled while Traffy made a face. He pressed a section of gut and dissected it to look inside.
The door behind him banged open and he froze, while Luffy just peeked curiously at the intruders, uncaring that he was half-naked, with most of his organs scattered around the room.
“Told you they were not banging!” the one with the penguin hat said.
“Somehow it’s even worse,” the other replied, looking a bit pale.
That was a lot of guts, Luffy thought. Traffy turned to glare at them and they closed the door without another word. Then he waved his fingers again, and something else appeared on his palm. It was crazy to think just how many organs were in there…
Traffy held up a pair of small thingies that looked like overgrown cashews, muttering, “I would have thought you’d have bigger adrenal glands.”
“Are those my balls?” Luffy exclaimed. “So cool!”
Traffy’s cheeks turned dark pink and he glared. “Those are not your testes.”
“You said glands,” Luffy pointed out.
“Different sort of glands.”
It tickled, somewhere deep in Luffy’s flanks as he put them back in.
“Stop bouncing your leg,” Traffy warned. “You don’t want me to cut through anything important.”
“I usually have more to do,” Luffy remarked. He didn’t like inaction, and matelotage was rarely about lying still.
“Am I boring you, Strawhat?” Traffy said, tipping his head so that his cap hid his eyes.
He was holding something dark, reddish brown. When he squeezed it slightly, Luffy felt a little pang of pain, just under his ribcage, where whatever Traffy had grabbed was now missing.
“A little bit, yeah,” he said. “I wish we’d get to the part where we get hard, because I’m not.”
Traffy blushed and something like shame flickered on his face.
Luffy smirked and said, “But you are.” He tried to palm the surgeon through his pants but he ended up with a severed arm instead. “Rude,” he muttered.
At least Traffy was having fun, he thought, delighted to see him pretend he wasn’t. He took apart his arm, exposing muscles and tendons and other stuff he didn’t know the name of. His bones were apparently way more bendy than they should be.
“And now,” Traffy said, “the heart.”
He was careful when he removed the still beating organ from his chest.
“I know that one,” Luffy said, just to participate. “It’s the thing that goes ‘da da da dum.’”
“It…” Traffy stopped and stared at him, then at the heart in his hand, “… shouldn’t be doing that, actually.”
He lifted a finger and touched the contracting organ. Luffy felt it skip a beat – saw it skip a beat – before it resumed its steady rhythm. Traffy observed it some more, turning it this way and that, a frown on his face.
“Why did you agree to this?” the surgeon finally asked without looking at him.
Luffy sighed and rubbed his chest. It felt empty and wrong, but Traffy’s fingers on his heart were comfortingly warm.
“I told you, it’s matelotage.”
“That’s stupid, and risky. You’re putting yourself in danger, and for what? A quick fuck?”
“My crew would never hurt me,” Luffy protested.
“I’m not your crew. I’m an enemy, a rival,” Traffy insisted.
“And you have a hard on,” Luffy pointed out, looking at the surgeon’s very visible erection. “Mission accomplished. Now can we get to the good part?” he whined.
“Do you really want me to fuck you?” Traffy finally asked with an unreadable expression.
“Or the other way around.” Luffy shrugged. “Anything is fine.”
“Anything…” Traffy repeated.
A smile appeared on his face – it should have been worrying, but Luffy found it exciting. His heart started beating faster, trapped in its little cube. Traffy moved his fingers and took out a small pink ball – who knew his body contained so many bits and pieces.
“What’s that?” Luffy said.
Traffy just winked at him and stroked the thing. Luffy took in a sharp breath and his mouth fell open. A tingling feeling quickly rose in his groin, the more Traffy touched the fleshy thing. The dull ache exploded in a familiar fire, the kind that came from–
“Yes,” Traffy confirmed with a devilish smile, “it’s your prostate.”
“Give it to me!” Luffy exclaimed, and he tried to grab it while Traffy just pushed him back down.
Everything jolted, inside and out, when the surgeon’s fingers brushed it again. Every part of him felt loose. He was in pieces. He let his head fall back, uncaring if he was squashing his hat. The pressure was maddening now, unlike anything he had ever felt. He came in his pants before he could even process what was happening.
“That was mean,” he said.
“You liked it,” Traffy remarked.
He flicked his fingers and put all of his organs back in, before removing his gloves.
“Why are you stopping? We were having fun at last!” Luffy protested, sitting up.
“Who said we were stopping?” Traffy said.
Before Luffy could ask what he had in mind, Traffy had already snapped his fingers, holding up a single glowing cube.
“What did you do?” Luffy exclaimed, putting a hand down his pants and only finding a flat expanse of skin. “Wait!” he wailed. “I didn’t get to see yours!”
The room flashed and he was suddenly back on the Sunny’s deck, confused and distantly horny.
“What if I need to pee?” he asked quietly.
A single light was on in the kitchen so he stumbled inside even though it was probably past his Sanji-enforced curfew. He found Zoro, asleep at the table, waiting for him no doubt. He opened his eye as soon as he sensed him approaching, taking in the sweaty face and the missing jacket. He smirked when he came to the wrong conclusions. Luffy gripped the edge of the table and closed his eyes for a second because what the hell was– Oh. Oh.
“He’s touching it,” he whispered, incredulous and a tiny bit ecstatic because maybe they were going to have sex after all.
“What are you talking about?” Zoro asked.
But Luffy couldn’t answer. He hissed and he grinded against the wood, desperate for more. Traffy’s fingers were way too light and cautious. Instead of trying to explain, he just dropped his shorts and Zoro just gaped.
“I’m going to kill him,” he growled as he stood up. “One word and I’ll–”
“Don’t. Stay. I need…”
Luffy’s thoughts fizzled out because that definitively weren’t fingers touching his cock now. It felt hot and wet – lips maybe? He panted, legs straining to hold him.
Zoro let go of his swords and stepped closer instead.
“Need you,” Luffy mumbled, gripping the swordsman’s arm.
**
More light flooded in, making them startle and blink.
“What are you doing in my kitchen?” the cook asked. Then he stopped in his tracks and stared, first at Zoro, then at Luffy’s cockless crotch. “Wow. My money was certainly not on that.”
“I need you,” Luffy repeated, gripping Zoro’s biceps so hard he’d probably have bruises tomorrow – but he couldn’t care less right now. “Both of you.”
“What?” the stupid cook exclaimed. “Not with the mosshead in the room, it’s weird!”
“Weirder than the whole cock snatching?” Zoro said, raising an eyebrow.
Luffy mewled into his chest. “I need you,” he repeated. “Captain’s orders!”
Desperation was making him snappy. There was an edge to his voice and his crewmates exchanged a look – the pervert cook shrugged, blushing a little, and Zoro just nodded.
They fell into a well-rehearsed dance that was usually way more private than that. Luffy got on his hands and knees. He was red in the face and mumbling incoherently. Whatever Law was doing, it looked like torture – the good kind. Zoro could only imagine what was happening on the Tang, and he hoped Luffy had actually agreed to that turn of events – not that it mattered much now.
Zoro eased into him, the motions familiar, his body moving on its own. The cook fed him his cock, and Zoro couldn’t help but look – amazed by the way Luffy took it whole in his mouth. He bucked back, urging him to move, while he sucked the cook silly – greedy, bossy. Unraveling.
The cook petted Luffy’s head, and Zoro gripped his hips tighter. Luffy just quivered and let out a strangled noise, between a grunt and a moan. Part of him wanted to pause, take the time to ask if he was okay, maybe reiterate his offer to kill Law – but he knew it wasn’t what Luffy wanted. Captain’s orders, he had said.
Zoro never really understood Luffy’s stance on sex. It seemed like he enjoyed it on occasion, using his matelotage charade, but the truth was that he had his crew wrapped around his finger anyway. Most of the time, it was the goofiest, most casual sex Zoro ever had – but sometimes, in the low light of a sunset, after an evening spent in the crow’s nest chasing orgasm after orgasm, it felt more like an actual relationship made of absolute trust and devotion.
All his thoughts crystallized into a single point and all that existed was Luffy’s lithe body around him and nothing else – not Law, having his own fun somewhere under the sea nearby, not the shitty cook who looked about to lose it in front of him – not even Brook, who peeked through the window and quickly decided now wasn’t the best time for a night cap.
Nothing but their captain.
They came with a grunt and a sharp intake of breath. Then Luffy collapsed between them, naked and whole again. His cock looked spent, glistening with oil and cum. When he looked up, he was grinning like a madman.
“What are you smiling about?” Zoro asked as he closed his pants.
If it was him, he’d be mad, or ashamed, not sporting the biggest shit-eating grin. The cook just scoffed like he wasn’t surprised and lit a cigarette.
“You thought Traffy would say no,” Luffy just said, like he had proven a point.
And Zoro supposed that now they knew matelotage also worked on allies.