Chapter Text
“Hey all! Scott here”
Tiny, nearly inaudible clicks of a motor start to whirl, the tiny green light is on. That means it’s recording, doesn’t it? It means “You’re back.”
Whatever that means.
Whenever that thing turns on, Scott starts talking, it feels like having a captive audience, he just keeps talking on and on- he’s never at a loss for words. A topic enters his mind and it comes to him just like that. The best part? He never has to write anything out and screen it with people, it’s pure compulsion that keeps him going! His mind becomes so clear when that camera’s rolling. It’s only when he’s in this room.
Within the brightly lit enclosure, a section of the wall is coated in blue. His desk has always been against a blue wall. The space has become second nature to the man sitting in front of the camera. It sure beats the outdoors! Scott had never cared for people- did you know 50% of the adult population AREN’T virgins? It’s sickening. And he has his desk here! Lord knows he loves it. And his copy of Madden 08 , and his copy of Madden 08 , and his copy of Madden 08: En Español-
What kind of routine is this? Some would call this place purgatory, Scott would call it New Location Mcghee. Home, as it were. The only place he wishes to be. The only place anyone sane would want to be. And that is- of course- what Scott Wozniak is.
Any professional could make the argument he’s gone off the deep end, that he needs help- but this is how he has always been. At least to his knowledge.
“What the f*ck is this!?” He holds up a Dreamcast controller. Standard appearance, a level of charm to be had in its slight oddity- but it’s nothing particularly special, it is as it has been, the same for the past twenty-something or so years. Give or take.
“The controller with love handles!”
His voice echoes off of his own four walls, this small sanctuary containing everything he would ever need.
…
“You know, playing this myself is fine but-”
Scott stares at the Sonic Adventure 2: Battle screen. Of course- needs two people to keep talking about this game, after all- the IRS only counts him as one.
“This doesn’t work, but who could I-”
Cutting him off, the doorbell rings.
He turns around.
“Wow, a visitor?” He says, directly to the camera. It would be rude not to address it after all, it feels almost like a person. Not really, but how else would he describe the feeling that it gives him? The thought of being watched, an audience all of his own, without even having to look at a single face. There’s never any visitors when it’s off, so perhaps this compulsion is a gesture of goodwill to whatever he talks to, it sounds crazy but- well- he doesn’t even turn the camera on hims-
Someone pounds on the door. Scott quickly gets up, out of his mind, and opens the door to his room.
One broad shouldered, thickly bearded man greets Scott. Looking slightly down, he half smiles.
“Heard you needed someone to do dear god anything but Gex .”
Of course- one of the few people he ever talks to, one of the few people he could call something adjacent to a friend.
“What if I told you that we were playing as a blue hedgehog?’
“Are blue hedgehogs Gex -adjacent?”
Scott pauses.
“No.”
“Awesome.”
Rex always shows up at a time of convenience. Usually, he needs more people to play a game with. Actually, that’s every time he’s over. But he’s always with that other one- the one with the name and the face- no matter.
Before Scott can lead his guest inside, the one other person he could, in some universe, call something related more or less to a friend, pops up behind Rex.
“And did I hear Gex ?” His smile wide, his whole face appears to smile when his mouth curves upwards.
Oh, Jeb. That’s his name.
“...Yes.” Scott says, remaining relatively still. He’s the one who likes Gex . Obviously.
“Oh, come on then! I’ve been waiting for this forever!”
Scott lets them in, of course, these people aren’t too bad. One of them protects chastity! The other- well, he seems more preoccupied with Gex . He plugs in the player two controller.
“You guys are gonna have to share.” Scott blinks.
Rex and Jeb look amongst each other. Rex wordlessly, maintaining eye contact with Jeb, grabs the controller.
“You know, I didn’t take you for a Gex guy.” Jeb smiles, gesturing in Rex’s general direction.
God is that all he ever talks about?
The second the thought enters his mind, something sparks in the back of his brain- a jolt of pain. Something sharp, a migraine? But as soon as he recognizes it, it’s gone.
“Is this a gun?”
Oh, they’re still talking, and to him.
“Huh?” Scott asks, bewildered. Jeb’s holding the controller in a peculiar fashion. Wait, wasn’t Rex just holding it?
Jeb picks his character, Scott chooses his. Rex puts on shades and lounges back.
“Oh, of course you picked a little BITCH. So you.”
What the f*ck does he mean by that?
“What the f*ck do you mean by that?”
He glances at his screen, then back at Rex. Sonic the Hedgehog? What the actual hell could have warranted that respon-
It happens again. The spark in his mind. A sharpness in the base of his neck, as if something had shorted inside of his brain. For a moment he swears he can see- blue? Something blurry and blue in the corners of his vision, just out of focus. The pain forces his eyes to look at the screen. Jeb’s laugh breaks through the pain, and it all stops. He’s moving his character to find Scott’s.
“ Gex ’s changed a little bit, you never know what to expect!” His legs fold in on his stomach, curling themselves into a more comfortable position. Scott, on the other hand, shifts around in his seat for a moment. His jeans rub against the couch almost uncomfortably. A chill sneaks its way down the back of his neck. God, was it always so damn cold in this place? He glances back at the TV. He tries to focus on the game. F*ck, why does he have to do this sh*t when his only two- acquaintances - are here? He never talks to anyone outside, hell, he hasn’t gone outside in months!
A moment that seems like an eternity is a blip to the other two, Scott guessed. Maybe he should get himself checked out, but that would mean going somewhere. He starts to move his character around, where was he anyway? The splitscreen- ah! Like a performer that has picked back up his script, he’s back in.
“Now the multiplayer is the only way to access the ‘Battle’ part of Sonic Adventure 2: Battle . Almost it’s like it’s right in the name, SON OF A BITCH those swine at SEGA knew what they were doing.”
That feeling comes to him when he talks like this, the feeling of having a captive audience. I mean, he has his- company - but when he’s going on about something like this, when words just flow through him, he feels more eyes on him. Is there a camera here too? There must be, the tapes include all sorts of angles of his house.
Scott’s head remains stationary, but his eyes glance at the two men around him. Their energy bounced off of one another, now that’s what friends look like. Even if Scott isn’t too particularly close to them, they tolerate him. That has to be enough. It’s nice to not be alone for once.
But all good things must come to an end.
At some point, they’ve finished the level. Scott realizes he’s running out of things to say, it feels like the time that he walks back to his office, his guests leave, and he’s alone once more. But- could they stay? Maybe, even if for just a little while longer, away from the cameras.
Scott fights his own throat to allow his words to flow from his mouth. Why is talking so monumentally difficult? “Why don’t the two of you come with me? I can- I can show you guys my office.” He smiles, it’s more of a grimace if anything. Pleading eyes stare back at Rex and Jeb.
Rex sighs and steps away. “Sorry, every school dance needs a chaperone.”
Jeb smiles. “And Terry’s grilled up a pumpkin, can’t miss dinner.”
Scott frowns. “Can you guys- please just a little longer, ten minutes! All I want is ten minutes, just let me go to my desk and I’ll wrap things up-” Something buzzes in the back of his head as he continues to brawl with his own vocal chords. He watches as they step away from the couch set. He looks back over at where he thinks the camera is, then, he’s slightly jolted, as if he were awoken in the middle of a sermon. Whatever bullsh*t excuses the guys have kind of roll off of Scott’s ears as he feels fuzzier.
By the time he looks back at them, they’re gone. Why does this stir a sting to his chest? Maybe Scott could go with them? He runs to his front door.
“Guys- Give me a second, I-”
He turns the doorknob…
clunk
He turns the doorknob.
clunk
It wont turn.
He wiggles the door, is it locked? The lock’s from the inside, right? His hands tremble thinking how far they could be away by now as he fumbles with the knob. Who knows when he’s going to see them again!? Scott’s vision starts to get fuzzier. His brain pops and fizzes, as if circuits were failing, sparking. With the corners of his eyes tinged by blue, he yanks harder. He flicks the tiny lock mechanism. Not even a sound as it happens. As if it were just there for decoration.
“I can’t- what the hell is wrong with this thing?” His heart thumps in his chest, as if it were attempting to escape just as much as Scott is.
The static in his brain hurts so much. His heart feels as if it’s burning. He doesn't realize how much it hurts to breathe. He takes a step back, face stricken with terror. He can’t think properly as he whips around, looking- just staring at his living room. Suddenly it’s all so suffocating. He slams his body against the door. It leaves him with nothing but a giant bruise to form in the coming days.
“WHAT THE F*CK?!” He cries, do they call this tinnitus? This is way more f*cked up than how people describe-
And the moment his foot takes him closer to his room, it gets a tiny bit more bearable.
Scott does as a Scott that’s about to pass out would do in this situation, and stumbles closer to his desk room.
It feels right, this is what Scott “the Woz” Wozniak is supposed to be. Keep going.
He sits down in his chair, his brain hazy at best, his body exhausted from the sudden pain, but he brings himself to speak. As if a puppet on a string, words are pulled from his scratchy throat.
“And the test results are in, THAT is what voluntary chastity is like.” Scott holds up a copy of the game, and smiles. Despite it all. The camera light flashes blue, the thing it does right before turning off for good. After the little light flickers off, Scott just…
Stares at it.
A VHS tape pops out of the VCR stationed right below the camera. It’s labeled with the game he talked about. He picks it up, placing it aside as he comes back to lucidity. What was he thinking about that made his head hurt so much? He peers around and down his open door. His gaze meets the front door.
That’s what he was doing.
He runs to the door, the static no longer as heavy on his mind as he grabs and twists the knob. He can’t get out. He kicks it, the ball of his foot colliding with the tough wood of the door. This does nothing short of chipping a toenail and causing Scott to yelp like a bitch.
After the momentary weakness, he laughs to himself. Doesn’t he just keep getting into peculiar situations? It’s hilarious, the joke’s over- can someone let him out?
“HEY! Rex! Jeb! I think my door’s stuck! HI? HELLO? HEY GUYS!”
His lungs burn once more, every breath he takes in sends a fire up his trachea as he yells. A miserable, pathetic cry rings out through the air, a plea that Scott hadn’t even known was in him. Before long his throat is raw. How did they leave?
And why can he not?