Chapter Text
Bowser, the Ultimate Warlord, stood at the mansion’s imposing entrance, its grand doors towering over him. He glanced once more at the invitation in his hand. You, Bowser, King of the Koopas are hereby invited for an evening of celebration. Come celebrate with fifteen other Ultimates! “Celebrate what exactly?” he growled, casting a glance at the well-kept lawn. “I’ve made no progress in my campaign! The Mushroom Kingdom and Sarasaland are still not under my rule! Damn that plumber.” Growling some more, he pushed open the door and stormed inside the building. Once inside, he stopped. These decorations! A large staircase stood before him, leading way to a magnificently-furnished second floor. The carpet was a magnificent shade of carmine while the gold furnishings created an opulent atmosphere. “Wow.”
“Eye-catching, isn’t it?” A feminine voice jolted Bowser out of his thoughts. He looked down to see a dark-skinned woman smiling at him. Her hair was styled in an angled bob and her eyes had no pupils. Bowser glanced at her bare midriff but averted his glance, taking in the jewellery and fabrics that she was wearing. While he didn’t recognize the fashion, he could tell that it was extremely expensive. The woman looked around and smiled again. “I wonder who was able to obtain all of this,” she mused, flicking her wrist at their surroundings.
“Who are you?” questioned Bowser, his senses heightened. The mysterious woman laughed.
“Where are my manners?” She smoothly extended a hand towards him. “Tanya, the Ultimate Survivor. I hail from Edenia.”
“Bowser.”
“Man of few words?”
“Just tired.”
“Understandable.” Tanya kept her gaze trained on him, cocking her head slightly. Bowser made eye contact but averted his gaze immediately. Why are her eyes like that? “Dinner will be served soon,” she began, “so you have time to freshen up in your room. They’re all up there.” She motioned toward the second floor. “Would you like me to escort you?”
Bowser shuddered. “I’ll find it myself.”
“As you wish.” With one last smile, she drifted away.
Bowser hastened up the stairs, looking back to make sure that the Edenian had not followed him. There’s something off about her. I can’t let her anywhere near my room! Reaching the top, he noticed a sign with a male figure pointing to the left. He followed the sign down the hallway, noting the number of doors. Eight. So there’s probably seven other men and then eight women? As long as nobody else is creepy like that ‘Tanya,’ I should be fine. His thoughts drifted towards his children. They’re in good hands with Kamek. As he neared the end of the hall, two agitated voices caught his attention. Two male figures, one unusually tall and one with a hat were engaged in a heated discussion.
“Just how strong are you?” the one with the hat asked, voice dripping with arrogance. “Must not be, if you don’t want to test your skills against me.”
“True men need not fight to prove their worth.” The shorter man threw up his hands at this.
“Whatever.” He turned his heel and stormed off, bumping into Bowser. “Watch where you’re going!” he muttered crossly.
Bowser raised his eyebrow as the man stormed off. What an attitude! He trained his gaze at the other man who met his eyes neutrally, extending a hand. “I must apologise for the actions of my companion. He has an interesting personality.”
“Who’s he?” replied Bowser, reluctantly shaking the stranger’s hand. Why did every muscle in his body ripple? And why’s he in his underwear?
“Kung Lao,” the man smiled. “He is quite a character.” His chiseled face stretched into a grin. “I am GigaChad, the Ultimate Model. Pleased to make your acquaintance.”
“Bowser.” He eyed GigaChad, wary. “How do you know him?” The other man laughed at this.
“We both call Earthrealm home, but it is our first time becoming acquainted.”
“How is he your companion then?” probed Bowser, narrowing his eyes.
“All of us here are companions now, bonded by an invitation by an illustrious individual.” GigaChad inhaled deeply. “I can smell the bonds of camaraderie forming already.”
Maybe Tanya isn’t so bad. “Uh, sure. Are these rooms labelled?”
“They certainly are. Yours is at the end of the hall.”
“Thanks,” Bowser said quickly, desperate to end the conversation. “I’ll see you at dinner.” GigaChad nodded sagely as he hurried to the end of the hall. Once he reached the door, he pulled a keycard out of an envelope in his pocket. I guess this is for my room. He pressed it to the scanner, grunting when it turned green. Before he could enter, a bell rang. To his annoyance, the sound was followed by an automated voice.
“Please make your way to the dining hall.”
Bowser groaned. Not even a minute after I open the door! Grumbling, the Koopa clambered away from his room and made his way to the dining hall.
As he approached the room, various unfamiliar voices got louder. Bowser stood by the doorway, peering at everyone seated. GigaChad was there of course, talking to a tall pink-skinned woman and a grey-skinned woman of athletic stature. Wii Fit’s here? Doesn’t she have a business to run? Bowser shrugged and fixed his gaze on Tanya, who was not speaking to anyone. Her head suddenly snapped towards him, locking eyes with him. He took a step back, unnerved. Gah! What is up with her? She motioned toward the empty seat next to her. “Guess I don’t have much of a choice?” Sighing, Bowser lumbered into the hall. All conversation halted at his presence. Bowser looked around awkwardly, silently cursing the mysterious woman for beckoning him over. He made no effort to engage anyone, opting to shuffle directly to his seat.
“What are you doing here?” an angry voice demanded. As he sat, Bowser looked in the general direction of the voice and groaned. It was Princess Daisy. “What? Surprised I’m here? I have a right to be here; I was invited! Why are you here? Shouldn’t you be crying about your latest failure?”
Just my luck. “It was a tactical retreat-”
“Tactical retreat my foot! You got your ass handed to you!” This prompted a round of laughter.
Bowser growled, smarting at the stab to his ego. Tanya looked at him curiously. “Perhaps you should use different tactics,” she suggested, her voice barely audible. “In your conquest, I mean.”
“Huh?”
“Poison the food sources of the commoners. They’ll start to die off while the survivors channel their desperation into anger toward the elites.” A smile began to spread across her lips. “Her head will be rolling down the street in no time.”
Bowser could not contain his shock. “I-I’ll think about it,” he stammered. Who is this woman?
The tall pink woman cleared her throat, silencing the laughter. “It looks like everyone is here. Maybe we should introduce ourselves? I’ll start. My name’s Princess Bubblegum, the Ultimate Intelligence and the ruler of the Candy Kingdom.” She fixed her gaze on Bowser, eyes sharpening. “You better not make us your next target, Bowser .”
Why I oughta! Before Bowser could growl a reply, GigaChad spoke up. “Let us endeavour to keep this conversation friendly. We were all invited here for a reason. That alone binds us all.” Scoffs sounded and looks were exchanged at his words. What is this guy on? GigaChad ignored the heckling and continued, “The name that was bestowed upon me is GigaChad, while my Ultimate Talent is that of Ultimate Model. I am a fitness enthusiast, nutritionist, philanthropist and proud vegan. Honoured to be in your presence.” Dead silence met his introduction.
Bowser fought back a laugh as Wii Fit Trainer pursed her lips. “Uh, we’re glad to meet you too!” She stretched her arms and smiled at everyone. “I’m Wii Fit Trainer, the Ultimate Yoga Instructor! I run a few gyms with my brother and we hope to expand out of Earthrealm! I’d love to host a yoga class after this, if you all are interested.”
Kung Lao scoffed beside her. “That would be the easiest time ever.” The yoga instructor smiled, unphased by his attitude.
“That’s what they all say!”
“I’ll show you,” he smirked, crossing his arms. “I’m Kung Lao, for those of you who don’t know. If you want, I can teach you how to be strong.”
“What’s your Ultimate Talent?” Wii Fit smiled.
The monk stiffened. “That isn’t important!”
“Don’t worry! We don’t bite.”
Kung Lao gulped at the curious looks sent his way. He bowed his head, the wide brim of his hat concealing his eyes. “Ultimate Second Fiddle,” he muttered.
The room was quiet, until someone snorted. All of a sudden, the whole room erupted into laughter.
“H-hey!” exclaimed Kung Lao, flushing. “It’s not funny!”
Tanya chuckled, alerting Bowser. “Poor thing,” she noted, looking at him. “Even if his skills are admirable, he’s little more than a joke. There might be use for him yet, however.”
Bowser looked at her from the corner of his eye. He couldn’t help himself. “Who are you?” The woman just smiled and said nothing. Why was this the one seat left? Shuddering, he fixed his gaze at the young woman who was preparing to speak.
“Hi everyone!” she said brightly. “My name is Seraphine and I’m the Ultimate Songstress! You might know me from my collab with K/DA! I’m working on a new album that I hope to release soon!” She smiled at everyone in turn.
“What will the general theme be?” the man next to her asked.
“Well, I don’t want to give too too much out,” Seraphine grinned, “but it’s going to be a very upbeat album!”
The silver-haired man nodded. “Very well. I’m looking forward to its release.” He scanned the room. “My name is Al-Haitham.”
“Okay?” Daisy frowned. “Is that it?”
“I’m the Ultimate Scholar.”
“Ooookay? Anything else?”
“I see no need to continue.”
The princess snorted. “Fine, be that way. I’m the Ultimate Athlete, Daisy, and the ruler of Sarasaland. We just survived a sorry excuse of an invasion a la Bowser.” She glared at him. “Watch your backs everyone.”
“You know what?” he growled. Before he could continue, Tanya put a finger to her lips. He swallowed his words and sighed. She may be creepy but she’s right. Adjusting his tie, he crossed his arms and ignored the accusatory gazes sent his way.
“Such hostility!” This voice belonged to a skeleton. “I made the right choice coming here!”
“And you are?” Daisy asked, grimacing.
“Thresh. I am but a humble exorcist. Well, the Ultimate Exorcist, to be fair.” He grinned at everyone but unlike Seraphine’s, his smile was dripping with malevolence. The temperature in the room seemed to drop.
There’s no way he’s just an exorcist! Bowser rubbed his shoulders. I’m surrounded by creeps and weirdos! Get me out! I’d rather be go-karting with Mario at this point! The raven-haired girl next to Thresh seemed just as perturbed.
“Um, weird much?” She flipped her hair and turned her nose up at everyone. “Heather, the Ultimate Mean Girl. Know your place and we won’t have any problems.”
“Nice to meet you,” the man beside her said, his voice accented. “My name is Niko Bellic, the Ultimate Henchman.” He frowned slightly as he said that. “I’m pleased to meet everyone.” A short woman next to him harrumphed.
“This gathering is lacking in entertainment,” she sighed, looking at her nails. “Fear not, for it is my turn.” She flipped her hair and stood. “It is I, Furina! Focalors! The Ultimate Gentlewoman! The Hydro Archon! Ruler of-”
“We get it!” an even shorter man yelled. He whipped out his guns and started firing wildly at the air. “Is this enough entertainment for ya?” Everyone covered their ears. “Yosemite Sam the Ultimate Gunslinger at ya service!”
Did I make a wrong turn or something? Why am I at the crazy convention? Bowser risked a glance at Tanya. She was the only person who wasn’t covering her ears. How isn’t she affected by this? Whatever. No point in figuring her out. After what felt like an eternity, the deranged sheriff ended his firing and holstered his pistols. Tanya flashed Bowser a smirk. “Simple-minded, that one. Would be easy to manipulate.” She discreetly pointed at the cowering pony beside the redhead. “Her? Easy to intimidate.”
Bowser frowned at the pink-haired pony, who was struggling to speak. Picking on her seems too mean. “M-my n-name,” she stammered, avoiding eye contact with everyone, “i-is Fluttershy, t-the Ultimate Kindness. I-I like nature.” She whimpered and kept her head down.
“That’s just sad,” remarked Tanya, her smile dropping. Bowser could not help but agree.
The bald man beside Fluttershy gave her a sympathetic smile. “I like nature too!” While her head stayed down, her whimpers stopped. The man patted her back and addressed everyone. “You can call me Mr. Clean. I’m the Ultimate Househusband. As you probably guessed, I love all things home-related.” His teeth seemed to gleam. “Call me if there’s a mess.”
Tanya adopted a neutral expression when everyone turned to her. “It seems like it is my turn,” she said smoothly. “My name is Tanya, the Ultimate Survivor. I happen to be the daughter of a politician.”
“What happened to your eyes?” Heather asked, her face twisted with fear.
“I was born this way.”
“If you say so!” cackled Thresh, his horrible laugh filling the air. “Prophet eyes, I think they’re called.”
“Can you tell the future?” Niko frowned. Tanya paused for a moment, then smiled.
“Kung Lao will lose to Liu Kang in the next Mortal Kombat tournament.” A round of laughter started while Kung Lao groaned.
“Hey!”
Tanya smirked and turned to Bowser. “I predict that your introduction is not going to go over well.”
Bowser rolled his eyes. Whatever. To his dismay, the laughter subsided as everyone turned to him. Most were looking at him fearfully, while some like Daisy and Kung Lao had disgusted facial expressions. GigaChad, of course, was the picture of serenity and understanding. Oh boy. “Bowser,” he scowled, crossing his arms.
“The Ultimate Warlord needs no introduction,” snickered Thresh, looking intently at him. “Your conquests result in an abundance of lost souls.” At Bowser’s gulp, Thresh continued, “They keep me in business!” He then laughed that horrible laugh of his.
“You’re welcome?” Bowser wavered. Thresh replied with more laughter, the horrid sound echoing throughout the grand dining hall. Maybe I should stop complaining about the plumber. Aside from the skeleton, everyone was silent, some still shooting Bowser mistrustful looks. “Well, what’s for dinner?”
Daisy opened her mouth, then closed it, frowning. “That’s actually a good question.”
“Where are all the servants?” Heather added, also frowning. “Don’t tell me we have to cook for ourselves?”
“With what kitchen?” sighed Kung Lao. “I haven’t seen one since I got here!”
“M-maybe it’s being delivered?”
“What would be weird, Fluttershy,” Niko said, “for a dinner party. I don’t think that this is supposed to be what Americans call a potluck?”
Furina clapped her hands together. “Obviously there’s a surprise for us!”
“And how is that obvious?” frowned Al-Haitham. “Do tell.”
Sweat drops formed on the Hydro Archon’s face. “Well, er, we’re all extraordinary individuals! And a surprise dinner would certainly fit the nature of our profiles.” Her voice expanded, appearing to fill the entire room. “Yes! Any second now, our meal will arrive! What could be more appropriate for Ultimates such as ourselves?”
“She likes to hear herself talk,” noted Tanya, frowning. Bowser grunted in agreement.
“What could be more appropriate?” Princess Bubblegum sighed. “How about some menus? Anything more than what we have!”
At that moment, a large covered silver platter crashed onto the table, somehow dead centre.
“Well, that’s something more?” Wii Fit joked, eyes wide.
“Is there a hole in the ceiling?” questioned Seraphine, squinting.
“Who cares?” laughed Yosemite Sam. The diminutive man leaped onto the table and stalked towards the platter. He gripped the handle and chortled, “Dinner is served!” With a flourish, he whipped off the lid to reveal:
A bicoloured teddy bear in a seductive pose.