Archive of Our Own

I.

When Fai sees Syaoran for the first time, he sees a disposable clone created to fulfil its purpose no matter the cost.

If it behaves as if it has feelings – well, must be a good design. 

Fai ignores the sincerity and desperation on the kid's face because he too lives only to fulfil his purpose.

***

When Fai once again meets Syaoran for the first time, he is a lost child, terrified of the consequences of his choice. The poor boy tries to mask his fear with confidence, but Fai doesn't need two eyes to see through it.

Fai has to gather all his willpower not to care. 

He fails at that, like he fails at everything.

***

In Infinity, their days are all the same. Wake up, train before the show, win the battle, come home, drink (usually not what he is supposed to drink), watch Sakura lock herself in her room, ignore Kurogane, ignore the kid. Rinse and repeat.

Fai can't bring himself to call him Syaoran unless it's unavoidable.

Kurogane is much better at this and that only makes Fai hate him more. It's not the kid's fault – he knows that, obviously. The poor thing tries so hard to fit it, not to disappoint them. He fights with reckless abandon and gets a smack on the head from Kurogane. He picks up cooking for three of them, when Fai can't bring himself to touch human food with its nauseating smells. It doesn't earn him any gratitude, nor any reaction from Fai. Kurogane is truly so much better at this, damn him.

This Syaoran tries to talk to Sakura, careful and endlessly respectful. There's some strange longing in his eyes, very different from what they saw in their Syaoran. He doesn't love Sakura the way their Syaoran loved. Instead, it's something quieter yet more desperate. Like he would die without her acceptance.

Sakura shuts off her heart and her door right in front of him.

***

Before they go to the Celes, Syaoran finds him in the bathroom.

Fai is throwing up, bent over the sink. At least he tries to throw up, but fails – his stomach feels okay, nothing in it upsets Fai’s body.  
He just can't stop smelling Sakura's blood on himself.

Syaoran yelps quietly and breaks into apologies. 

“Oh, Fai-san, I thought no one's here! The door was unlocked, I am so sorry!” the boy shoots in one breath and after noticing Fai’s state adds timidly, “are you okay?”

As soon as words leave his mouth, he cringes at them.

Fai hides his face in hands, still looming over the sink. “Go away.”

The boy doesn't move.

“Please,” Fai wheezes.

“It is not your fault, Fai-san,” Syaoran starts and it doesn't help, no. It makes Fai choke on air, which is stupid. He doesn't need it anymore like he doesn't need kindness from this weird boy like he doesn't need forgiveness from anyone.

The only thing he needs is punishment, but they keep denying it.

“The curse was not your doing, it was something that was done to you. Don't torture yourself over things you do not control.”

Cruel, cold laugh breaks from Fai’s mouth. “You have no idea what it's like, so maybe don't tell me what to feel, Syaoran-kun. ” 

Fai throws the name at the boy almost viciously, like an insult. Being absolutely wretched fuck, he even looks up from the sink – to see how bad the kid takes it.

For some reason, Syaoran doesn't look offended or even shocked. Lips in white line, he stares at Fai, something grim burning in his eyes.

“There are some things that you don't know, Fai-san. Not just about me, about this… about everything,” Syaoran starts, hands curled into fist. “I did something and it was ba…”

“Well I don't think you killed Sakura-chan, so please do shut up!” Fai cries interrupting him and turns to the sink again. “I shouldn't have started this journey, it's all my fault.”

Last words come out softer, followed by tears.

“No, Fai-san. It is all my fault,” Syaoran answers quietly and leaves the bathroom.

Fai can picture how the boy looks now – shoulder hunched, head bowed. Perfect picture of penance. He goes like this through worlds where another, their Syaoran came first.

There's more to his words, but there's no time nor energy to think about it. They are heading to the empty, barren cold of Fai's world.

***

“Oh shit, he has started bleeding again! Fai-san, look!” Syaoran cries and Fai dashes to him. Red blot is growing quickly over the crispy white bandages. Fai swears and calls for the doctor. Where did she go for that fucking pain relief tincture, another world?

They were left alone with Kurogane for mere minutes when nurses took away bloodied clothes, bloodied water, and another bloodied thing – something that smelled like Kurogane and death. 

Fai desperately tried not to think about it, but there is slightly less to Kurogane's arm now than he took away himself. 

They couldn't drag him away from Kurogane, until Tomoyo casted some spell that had him freeze in place. Beneath a cold, regal voice and strict paleness he found sympathy in her eyes and warmth in her touch. She whispered “you should not see this” and gave orders to her people, so they took Kurogane into this room. Prisoner to her spell, Fai didn't see the operation.

He would have been mad, but there was no space in him for anything except worry for Kurogane. In some way, his forced immobility was a blessing – Fai had no idea what he should, could, would have done. At least he couldn't make it worse like that.

He is not good in such situations. Syaoran probably is – he slips out of his coat and presses it bundled to Kurogane's shoulder. With a cleaner inner side, so that filth doesn't touch bandages. 

Fai doesn't even remember where the boy was during the operation.

When doctor and nurses rush in with a fresh batch of bandages and a whole cabinet of mixtures, carried by two servants, they are once again shooed away. Doctor frowns at them and says, “You should wash up and change, Fai-sama, Syaoran-sama. At least for his sake. Hideo, see masters to their chambers.” One of the servants bows almost to the ground and opens the door for them. 

Fai doesn't want to leave, but he does feel too filthy to touch Kurogane. Even if he is not sure bath would help with this feeling, Fai submits and leaves, followed by Syaoran.

Light, spacey robes that wait for them after bath don't feel like proper clothes. 

Kurogane has been changed into one just like that.

As if guessing his thoughts, the servant – Hideo – returns with carefully folded stacks of clothing and announces, “Tsukuyomi-sama prepared these garments for you, Fai-sama, Syaoran-sama. If masters need assistance with them, I will be waiting in the hall. But Tsukuyomi-sama insists that the masters take their rest before they rejoin her highness.”

Every word is said into the floor – bows in Nihon are very deep. Hideo practically hits the wooden panels on the floor with his forehead. It freaks Fai out, but Syaoran doesn't seem phased and thanks the servant, bowing deeply himself. Hideo looks up at him with some interest and leaves, hiding his eyes once again.

The silence between Fai and Syaoran eats all the space. Walls loom over Fai, sucking out unnecessary breath and his mouth is too dry and what if Kurogane never stops bleeding…

“Would you like some tea, Fai-san?” 

Syaoran sits really straight and there's honest to god terror in his eyes. Fai blinks away gold and retracts nails, but doesn't answer.

The boy purses his lips and nods to himself, then gracefully pours tea into the tiny cups. His moves seem sure and practiced. Fai has no idea where he learned that.

Cups here don't have handles, so Syaoran holds his in a grip, skin white on his knuckles and around nails. The clay cup must be hot – Fai sees steam over it.

Usually, he would choose words carefully, but every free part of Fai can't stop thinking about the bleeding man in another room. So he asks, “Syaoran-kun, where is Sakura-chan?”

Though tea is still too hot, the boy downs it and frowns from pain. Voice hoarse, he answers.

“Tomoyo-hime said her people are taking care of her – she will be put near the sacred tree. It will protect her… her…” His voice breaks, but Syaoran clears his throat and continues, “Nothing could be done, so I decided to help with Kurogane. You know, he just needs to get better, I mean, he still can get better…”

Before he can finish, Syaoran's face crumbles. A sob crushes through him with a low, guttural sound and suddenly the boy is in Fai’s arms, crying his heart out. 

Fai can't say who made the first move, but he would like to think it was him. He would like to be the kind of man that gives warmth and protection and a hug to a lost, hurting child.

Because that's who Syaoran is – a child in a horrible situation, left to suffer all the pain and responsibility alone. This thought shakes everything in Fai, piercing through his own pain, and suddenly he feels terribly self-absorbed and selfish. The kid had to see so much death and violence, go through helplessness of captivity, face their coldness, and now the only person who gave him warmth and care is gravely injured.

Mortally, if it wouldn't have been this Nihon.

Heart bleeding and breaking, Fai hugs the boy tighter and starts to stroke his hair soothingly. “It's okay, Syaoran-kun, he's going to be okay, dear. He's going to be okay.”

There's no way to know that, but Fai has to convince both of them.

At least Yuuko is not going to let her player off the game so easily. Landing here is probably her doing.

It's at this moment that Fai decides – she has two players now. If serving the interests of this woman can save people he came to love, he will do what she asks.

Through sobs and writhing breaths, Syaoran mumbles something like

“he has to be okay” and Fai almost starts spinning something about passing the critical point already, when the boy mumbles again. 

“...so much blood, just like after that horrible fall… why does all of this keep happening?..”

Feeling that he doesn't have a full picture, Fai decides to hug Syaoran closer to his heart. The kid needs warmth, not questions.

And for the first time he feels as much love for this Syaoran as he felt for the first one. 

In a matter of days Fai once again holds sobbing Syaoran, when a sword pierces Sakura's soul. He tells him that he is so sorry, that he knows that it was not his fault. Words feel as empty and useless as they felt in Infinity, but Fai still says them.

He wonders if that’s what family is – sharing this grief and helplessness. At least it's always like this to him.

In a matter of a week, everything stops and everything starts anew. 

At the end of the endless day, a strange boy from the witch's shop shares more than grief with Syaoran. It feels surreal – how everything zooms on Syaoran and this lanky teen Fai never even paid any attention. And what's even wilder – how they both manage to get out.

This time both boys live.

***

Air in the Clow country is hot and dry, it scratches the throat with every deep breath.

But in Kurogane's hair, it turns into the most wonderful smell in the world – windy, earthy, with some comforting sweet undertone. 

Kurogane says that Fai's hair smells like a day outside, when he played at the river near his house, still a silly kid. Fai didn't have a childhood, so he takes Kurogane's word for it and decides it's a smell of carefree freedom, full of promises.

They give each other a lot of promises here, so it fits quite well.

There's no harm in their exhilarating fixation on each other – Syaoran and Sakura also spend almost every waking hour together talking, staring, laughing, whispering. No one has the heart to break them away before a new journey starts, not even Sakura's brother.

Kurogane's skin, scalding hot and salty, feels like heaven, but Fai knows the price for this happiness too well. So many good people died and two precious kids had their lives fucked up in a way they all are yet to comprehend.

In the humid heat of the royal garden, Fai whispers his concerns to Kurogane. The man frowns and they both wonder about the problems they will face from now on. 

They also wonder what kind of person Watanuki really is. The thing is, though Syaoran says it's his closest person, he doesn't really know him. It appears that nobody knows who the kid is, even if they owe him for the way it all ended. 

He must be a very noble person, Fai thinks. And wise, being Yuuko's apprentice. Maybe, he can even be some kind of guiding older brother for Syaoran, because by heavens, the kid really needs some family that is not traumatised and foul-mouthed. At least, less violence-ready.

***

“Doumeki, you absolute shithead, I asked for onions, not shallots! Try to think at least sometimes for fuck’s sake!” Watanuki growls and throws an offending vegetable dead in the Doumeki's face, without watching.

Hell of a good aim, Fai thinks, though Doumeki catches it with practised ease. There is a pipe in Watanuki’s teeth now, but Fai can still make out a litany of curses when Watanuki passes him, taking away last grocery bag.

The other boy stares at a shallot in his hand and Fai laughs at him awkwardly, “Ahaha, it's easy to mix them up, Doumeki-kun. You see, shallots are smaller and…”

“I know,” Doumeki interrupts him, puts a vegetable in a pocket and leaves.

Fai catches Kurogane's eyes, just as round and shocked as his, and lifts an eyebrow.

Quietly, Kurogane voices Fai’s thoughts.

“What the fuck?”

When they arrived this morning, Watanuki was waiting for them in the yard, sporting a big smile. 

It was their first time here after the witch passed away.

They greeted each other and Watanuki seemed surprisingly at ease. He hugged awkwardly standing Syaoran as if the boy had just returned from a long journey. Like he had a home here, waiting for him. Watanuki called Syaoran a brother right away and Fai was so happy, he almost didn't notice how Kurogane stared at them, one eyebrow lifted sceptically. 

But he didn't miss the stank of alcohol, when Watanuki passed them in a narrow hall.

Still, Watanuki was a perfect host and held an easy-going conversation, asking them good questions and reacting to everything with unrestrained gusto. He was effortlessly lovable, in a way Sakura-chan was, with her uncanny ability to chat up anyone. Crushed by a sudden grief for her, Fai paid little attention to another guy who came in, loaded with groceries.

“Everyone, meet Doumeki, he helps here,” Watanuki announced just a tad too loud and cheerfully. He looked at the new guy expectantly.

In a complete, tense silence, Doumeki stared at them with a rather unimpressed face. Then he said, “Yo.”

Watanuki burst out. 

“Shit, can't you try being polite at least for a second instead of doing this baboon impersonation?!” Not even taking another breath, he immediately switched to a tender, sweeter voice. “Syaoran-kun, would you be a dear and take these two bags to the kitchen please?”

As shocked Syaoran fled from the room, Watanuki lit his pipe and proceeded to shower Doumeki with insults, until both of them left the room after the shallot fiasco.

“What the fuck?” says Kurogane, frowning.

Fai sips wine that Watanuki has brought earlier. “We don't really know what happened here, do we? Maybe it's normal for them?”

Kurogane throws him a sceptical look. “If it is, it's not good either.”

He is right, obviously. Fai doesn’t know what to say to that, so he just adds some details that he noticed. “They are older than Syaoran. I'd say, around eighteen or nineteen.” One of them will have to stay like that. “He doesn't seem drunk, but I think Watanuki had a lot of alcohol before we came.” 

“The guy’s barely holding it together, give him a breather. Probably needed some liquid help to give us such a greeting,” Kurogane huffed.

“Well, his price does seem harsher than Syaoran's. Or maybe it's Syaoran that is holding on a bit too well and we have skewed perceptions…” Fai muses, until he notices Kurogane's incredulous stare. “What?”

“He was her apprentice, wasn't he? All of us got something good out of Fei Wong’s death. All of us, except him.” 

Oh.

It is obvious if you think of it. Fai rewinds their day and sees grief flowing from every smile too bright, chatter too eager, stare too blank.

“What I don't get is why another guy hates us”, adds Kurogane and shocks Fai for the second time in a row.

Later in the kitchen, Fai agrees – Doumeki does hate them.

Not Syaoran, he gets completely different treatment. In fact, Doumeki follows Watanuki's lead and behaves as if he is just another older brother. A bit emotionally stunted, but caring nevertheless.

It's Kurogane and Fai that he seems to despise. The guy glares, barks short, clipped answers, or ignores them altogether.

Watanuki hisses at him at first, but at some point fire in his eyes dims. He grows quieter, his white-knuckled grip on a glass gets tighter.

When they move to the porch, Fai catches Doumeki in a hall. 

He doesn't mind the grumpiness directed at himself, but he takes offence for Kurogane's treatment. And he feels kinda bad for Watanuki.

“Bear with me for a moment, Doumeki-kun. Do you have something against us? I am feeling a bit of hostility here,” Fai asks, putting himself in his way.

Tense, Doumeki frowns and probably tries to find a way out of this.

Fai doesn't let him.

“If we did something wrong, tell us. Kurogane and I are trying to support and help Syaoran with everything, and we'd like to have a good standing with his family. And their friends.”

He hit something here, because Doumeki huffs bitterly. As if he is overpowering himself, Doumeki starts quietly, “You will eat his food, drink with him and let him entertain you. Then you will go to another world and give all that support and help to Syaoran.” 

With each word, his voice grows stronger and angrier. “And he will be left here, with no great warrior or mighty mage to protect and help him .”

Stunned, Fai is silent. He wants to defend them, to explain – but none of it will matter, because he can't make it right. “Is there really no one…” he starts, but gets interrupted by Doumeki. “She was. But she is dead and he got stuck here.”

Fai feels tears ready to burn his eyes – he is so easily moved now — but steels himself. “We all know how to lose someone precious. And I am really sorry about your losses, but we are not enemies here. We will help as much as we can.” Trying for a light-hearted tone, he adds, “And Watanuki seems like a very strong, capable young man, don't you have faith in him?”

At that, Doumeki pales and hisses through his teeth, “I do. I know he will survive this and will probably live a very long life. That's the point.”

And he leaves Fai with hopeless, conflicted thoughts.

If it had happened before, Fai would let it go. Not his fault and not really his problem – what Watanuki's friend thinks. But perhaps Kurogane is rubbing off on him and he decides it will not be the end.

They will find a way to this boy.

He decides it is worth it.

Kurogane agrees with him. Cuddled in a big two-person futon, they talk through that blissful, sleepy haze one gets after an eventful day. Kurogane's eyes, smile and voice are so warm it almost suffocates Fai. What a way to go, he thinks, mind already loopy with sleep and booze and complete happiness. He drifts away, at least for a moment, and then hears a loud crash.

They both jolt and jump to their feet, Kurogane is already holding a sword and after a quick nod exchanged, Fai slides the door open.

In the hall, Syaoran lays on the floor amidst scattered candies of all sizes, looking terribly drunk and absolutely silly. 

Watanuki stands near, holding a bottle and a giant pack of some salty potatoes. Looking almost as drunk as Syaoran, he stares at Kurogane's sword.

Syaoran also notices it and explains earnestly, looking at Kurogane, as if begging for candies’ life, “We just wanted some snacks.”

At that, Watanuki bursts into giggles. Wheezing, he slides down the wall, bending in half. Fai also starts laughing. Then Kurogane snorts and though he groans and hides his face in a hand, Fai can see his shoulder trembling.

Blinking at them sleepily, Syaoran remains on the floor with an unfocused, stupid smile of a happy drunk.

Sighing, Kurogane drags laughing Fai back into the room. With a corner vision, Fai notices how Watanuki, giggling hysterically, helps Syaoran to get up.

They still hear voices of both boys, when they settle back to their futon.

It might actually be good, Fai thinks.

Broken as he might be, Watanuki seems to be passionate and open with his feelings. Syaoran needs someone like this – someone that can get him let go once in a while.

It works. The next four days they spend in this world, they have careless, unhinged fun.

It seems natural and easy-going, but Fai can't help noticing that everything is put in motion by Watanuki in some way or another. He once sends them shopping with both Mokonas – that's how Fai finds out Yuuko gave them nice, innocent Mokona, because they end up in the drugstore where black Mokona gives a big illustrated speech about birds and bees in front of the contraception aisle, mortifying Syaoran, Kurogane, and some unfortunate guys who work there. 

On another day, Watanuki organises a desert competition and with a couple of strategically placed quips he makes Kurogane bake. His Yuuko act doesn’t hold for long – he gets seriously irritated when Kurogane is too rough with his dough. It becomes a growling match between them soon enough, while Mokonas jump around squealing. Syaoran laughs to tears but that doesn't stop him from making sinfully good fondants. Everything on that day makes Fai blissfully happy, he even almost wins with his souffle. Almost, because there's a clear winner – Watanuki's tiramisu is to die for. It makes Kurogane close his eyes and humm before he remembers himself, thoroughly embarrassed. 

Colourful and erratic, Maru and Moro dance around Watanuki chanting “Master has won! Master always wins!”

Sure he does. Sure she did. Fai can easily imagine the same chant with “Mistress” in it, sung around a tall, gorgeous woman. She would have the same smile Watanuki has now – superior, dangerous, confident.

Fai wonders if Watanuki always had that calm smugness or grew into it with the power. He wonders if Yuuko had to grow into it at some point.

Watanuki gives them four perfect days, graceful and lighthearted, playful and happy. One almost can't tell the boy wears himself thin with effort. 

But each day he is paler, the odour of alcohol around him is stronger, his grins grow aggressively brighter.

Doumeki stops coming on the second day and it makes their host less irritable. And more apathetic, when he thinks no one sees him.

In the end, Doumeki returns for the goodbyes out of politeness to Syaoran, probably. His eyes never wander from Watanuki – assessing the damage, hanging on to his every word and movement. Watanuki ignores him.

With the magic circle already glowing, they say their goodbyes. There's tears in Syaoran's eyes that he bravely tries to fight, and Watanuki's smile is dead-tired, but genuine. Just before they are sucked into the portal, Kurogane leans to Doumeki for a mere moment and says something that makes Doumeki gape, then glare.

On the other side, under the sky of a different world, Syaoran rubs at his eyes and cheeks, turns to them and says, “That was really good, wasn't it? Can't wait for the next time.”

He is beaming, and at this moment Fai finds out he loves him so much it's scary. 

Fai seeks books on time and space magic in every world they visit. There must be a way to make visits to particular worlds more often.

***

The next time they appear at the shop, Doumeki is civil. In a couple of visits, he forgets his bad attitude altogether – they grow to enjoy each other's company. While he and Kurogane share that funny silent, manly camaraderie, it's Fai who can usually talk the guy into actual conversation. It takes an effort, Fai thinks with growing respect to Watanuki, but worth it in the end. Doumeki really enjoys talking about archery and Fai really enjoys responsive Doumeki.

There's an added bonus. When they all get along Watanuki is so happy he glows. His fierce, unwavering love for them all is one of the things that remains unchanged through years.

Both brothers grow. It happens in an apparent, linear way with Syaoran: his shoulders get broader, face more angular, voice deeper. He starts to shave as regularly as Kurogane. He is blooming into a handsome, confident man, kindness never leaving his eyes.

With Watanuki everything is different. Time doesn’t move for his body, but only someone blind and deaf would think that he doesn’t change. Observing how confidently Watanuki now gives everyone chores and orders, how natural he looks, granting wishes and deciding their prices, Fai thinks that his changes are much bigger and deeper than Syaoran’s.

Watanuki doesn’t have any new wrinkles and the skin of his face is delicate like a woman's. But every time they see him, the ends of his eyes droop more and the line of his mouth grows harder. It adds more years to his baby-face than any white hairs or laugh lines could.

When Fai sees thin, fay-like Watanuki smile at broad-shouldered Syaoran, he still would pick Watanuki as an older one. 

Laughing at some secret joke between them, Watanuki reaches to grab a box with fancy cutlery from the top shelf. It joins other boxes, piled in the younger brother’s tanned arms.

Syaoran is still shorter – he has the stocky build that his father probably had, if Fai ever saw him as a grown up. Watanuki is tall and wispish, like king Fujitaka and his older child. Toya-kun may be a regal heir now, but Fai can see a familiar lanky, hot-headed teen behind all his royal training. 

Fai wonders if Sakura had a brother in her second, once again too short life. It breaks his heart that Watanuki will never hear “wow, you really took after your uncle!”

It breaks Fai’s heart that they don't even know any of the first Syaoran's relatives. For some reason they never meet anyone from the Li family in their travels.

One day, Fai tells Watanuki about that. 

“Yes, such a shame,” he answers in an even voice. It's really hard to read his emotions now, unless he wants you to.

When they leave, Watanuki gives them a request in one of their next worlds. They need to pass a gift – his regards to the matriarch of an old clan. He does a lot of politics now, but when they ask him about it, Watanuki always says, “Do you really want to know? If I were you I wouldn't bother, really.”

He doesn't just sit on Yuuko's legacy, he builds his own. 

Fai considers it a good thing that he will not live to see Watanuki in a hundred years.

In a certain world, Mokona spits a box with a gift from Watanuki, now aglow with a soft golden shimmer.

They don't even get to look around – armed men surround them, drawing swords.

“State your names, trespassers!” one of the guards shouts, but when Syaoran straightens up, picking himself up after a bad landing, the man's jaw drops.

“Young Master! You’ve … grown.”

They stare at each other, afraid to break the weird status quo, until a low, commanding voice interferes.

“Unless you think that my son grew ten years in a month, I'd say you should check your eyesight”.

A woman steps up from behind the guards. She is not that tall, even with a high, elaborate hairdo, but it's like everyone else has shrunk next to her.

She smiles softly at Syaoran, making him flush bright red and sputter, “I am sorry, this is a mistake, we never meant to trespass, it is simply a coincidence…”

“There is no such thing as coincidence, my dear,” the woman interrupts him, tilting her head in a very familiar way.

Oh.

Her name is Yelan Li and she is Syaoran Li’s mother, they learn. Another Syaoran is currently studying in Japan, because that's where his love and partner, Sakura Kinomoto, lives. That's how life goes for most Syaorans born in Hong-Kong, she checked. They checked.

“Watanuki and I”, she explains, “we inquired and it appears that in all alternative realities my son's life follows the same pattern. He always leaves to travel. Always leaves for her.”

Her face is unreadable and it is such a contrast to Syaoran's, who is displaying almost every possible emotion at once. But they really do look alike – same shape of face, same delicate nose, same thin, prim line of mouth. It is eyes that are different, but Fai can easily recognise that beautiful yet hard look from under the lashes on another familiar face.

She knows Watanuki, of course. They met in dream – dreamseers, both of them – and he promised to find some help for that demon infestation problem she had. That's why they were here – to slay a bunch of rabid demons, terrorising nearby forests.

Well, mostly.

They also enjoy insane levels of hospitality because, apparently, Li family never does anything in half-tones. Four (four!) older sisters of this world's Syaoran practically smother them in hugs, luxurious garments, exquisite food, and dangerous levels of loudness. They also make pictures, a crazy amount of them, all somehow fitting in small dark boxes with screens. Kurogane, red as a tomato, makes them delete some with him half-naked. Fai recognises the moment they were taken, and well, if girls made them a mere fifteen minutes earlier someone would have been in real trouble.

When it's time to leave, Yelan gives them a thick album, full of pictures from their stay.

“Pass it to Watanuki-kun,” she asks Mokona and she sucks the album into its void of a stomach immediately. “Tell him that about your time, just be cautious. Without certain memories, he won't be able to enjoy any familial connection himself. But he can share your happiness.”

Like a mother, like a son, Fai thinks.

“Thank you for visiting,” Yelan says with a sad smile. “It is a bizarre thing to meet grandchildren I will never have, but maybe that is for the best – one Watanuki is more than enough for the universe.”

That earns some chuckles, except Fai once again remembers just how lonely boys are, how disconnected they are from any time and space itself . 

It sours all the fun and happiness of their visit for him and adding insult to injury,  Yelan leans to Fai and whispers, “You would want to turn left, but don't. At least try not turning left.”

Then Mokona swallows them and for gods’ know what time, Fai curses at cryptic predictions of dreamseers.

***

For a couple of worlds Fai practically never turns left. It is difficult, but he tries, earning weird glances and laughs from everyone. If it is something he can do to protect his family, he’d pay any price.

At some point he forgets, but it still doesn't matter. Because, apparently, it is not even his decision.

They land in a dumpster of a world – tyrannical rulers, absurd laws, dungeons full of people. One of those places where death is a preferable option and it affects Fai more than he ever wants to show.

They are already in dungeons and they can hear someone crying. Probably a woman. Horrible, blood-curling wail of a wounded animal. Fai can imagine what can reduce a person to this sound. 

Of course, Syaoran never even hesitates. Of course he runs right to the sound, turning left in dimly-lit corridors just a moment before Fai registers it.

Of course, they follow.

In a mere second, Fai feels a bolt in his shoulder and hears Kurogane's grunt. Then something makes them fall and there's magic binding them on the floor and that's when Fai passes out.

II.

Kurogane is not the one to dwell on the past. 

Still, there are things he regrets doing or thinking. Some of them even make him feel that prickly, unusual emotion. 

Shame.

He feels it eating through the memories of the first days of the Travel. Once in a while, his mind dutifully reminds him what he thought and how wrong he was about everybody.

Evil, greedy witch that enjoys them squirming and suffering.

Her pet boy, who looks too weak and stupid to function.

Helpless flower of a princess, good for nothing more than being out of it.

Stubborn brat, so oblivious and dim-witted that he will die without constant help.

Sleazy wizard, full of shit and fake smiles that obviously hide something very dangerous.

It is amazing how everyone proved him a fool later.

No, scratch that. He was totally right about Fai. 

***

The kid stares into the ground, standing in the heavy rain, and the drama of it is unbearable.

Kurogane rolls his eyes at the sight because he has company. The mage sighs and gets back to making tea. He stays up to wait for the soaked kid with a towel and a steaming cup and cold, empty eyes.

Kurogane also stays, just in case.

***

Acid is eating through everything in this world. Concrete walls are still holding because they are crazy thick. Kurogane can't help but wonder when they fall as well.

There's this nagging feeling in him that if he could feel some minor, tiny raindrop of pain, it might distract him from the raging horror inside his heart. But it is a stupid thought, he knows it. Perhaps, the mage is rubbing on him.

The fucker is inside, wallowing at princess as if she was a china doll. She lets him – too tired or too kind, but it still annoys her slightly. 

It is not like Kurogane wouldn't go to bleed instead of her in an instant. In fact, he would have enjoyed some violence, be it at the cost of bad injuries. She just needed that more.

Beaten and bloody, the princess looks like shit. She also looks stronger and calmer and not as crushed. Pain is temporary, but that resolved determination will stay with her forever now.

The stupid mage just doesn't get it, he must have never treated despair with anger. Maybe he will finally learn from the princess.

The new boy doesn't need to learn. He stormes from the room, taken over by his anguish. It is not deliberate, but a big pillar hides Kurogane from the boy's view. The kid pulls at his hair, already wild and dishevelled, chokes on a sob and then growls immediately. He kicks at a big rock, except the rock is too big so it stays in place, while the kid bends to the ground from pain.

Kurogane sighs.

“You kicked the wrong rock. It's too fucking big, can't you see?”

The boy jolts up at alarming speed, eyes wide and red. 

Before the kid reacts, Kurogane continues because, by gods, if he hears another apology he will lose it.

“Here, try that one, with a picture on it. But kick its blunt side. And with another leg, for fucks sake!”

The kid does just as he says and the rock flies high and far, landing with a sharp “klink” in the distance.

Kurogane hums, satisfied.

They stay kicking stones for a good hour, until their feet truly hurt.

****

The thing is, Kurogane hates everybody in Infinity.

They make him see red, they make his blood boil, they mess with his head so bad Kurogane wants to howls, shout, smash all the glass in their flat, shake every one of them, do something, anything, fucking anything to stop this bleeding torture.

Nobody talks to anyone and while Kurogane tries, he really sucks at this shit. The mage probably could talk it out with everyone, but he is too busy trying to off himself in the most half-assed way possible. So Kurogane hopes that someone loses it and explodes. He hopes it will be the kid – he seems the most alive at the moment. Then Kurogane will know what to do. He will rile him up even more and let the kid shout it out, princess and mage won't be able to just leave, no, they are both too caring to ignore the meltdown. Everybody will hug and cry and say all the mushy words and Kurogane will growl, embarrassed, and the princess will smile and mage will tease him.

The kid never explodes.

Kurogane cannot lose it himself, because someone has to stay strong. And because he is afraid it will cost them the last shred of hope. So he just drinks.

Sometimes, he gets the kid drunk in hope to compromise his patience. But though the boy is hot-headed, he never lashes out at people. Too soft for his own good. 

Sprawled on a shabby sofa, the kid just sighs and stares at the door to the princess' room. Every time he does this, Kurogane feels a stab to his heart. 

Because it is the princess that disappoints him the most. He doesn't really knows the new brat enough and, fuck, Kurogane knows Fai too well to hope for anything from him. But the princess… The princess was supposed to be the light in the darkness. Instead, it's like she buried herself alive, doing just enough to get the feathers and keep them alive.

Now Kurogane sighs. The boy seems to doze off, hiding his face under the arm. It is going to be sore when he wakes up, thinks Kurogane, but then Fai enters the flat and all thoughts leave his head.

The mage is terribly pale and scowls. As always now, in Kurogane's company. At first, Fai heads straight to his room, but he stops around the sofa and sniffs.

“Did you get him drunk? What the hell, Kurogane .”

The name feels like a cut.

“Give him a rest. The kid made dinner and the princess straight up ignored it,” he answers and gets a genuine concern on the idiot’s face. Good.

“You’ve also been missing your meals lately,” Kurogane adds and, before the stupid wizard can run away, grabs a knife and slashes his wrist. 

Red drops fall onto the gritty floor. They live in a truly shitty place in this world.

It is a matter of second – the mage moves before he could think, probably. He stops with his face at Kurogane's wrist, just a breath away. It is amazing how expressive Fai can be in these moments: panic fills his eyes, light eyebrows bend tragically, lips curve in disgust. Kurogane tries not to think about it when he grabs the stupid mage’s head and smashes his mouth to the cut. It stings, but the idiot laps at his blood reluctantly. 

Fai freezes on one knee like a mockery of some gallant prince. He takes four gulps, staring at Kurogane with such a hate it burns the skin.

The cut is closed by some vampire magic fuckery and the mage is back on his feet in a moment. There's so much contempt in his eyes, Kurogane can't stand it and looks away. 

He hears Fai leaving the room.

In the end, he can make the idiot eat. Shame it doesn't work with the princess.

Something breaks in Kurogane with this thought – it horrifies and disgusts him as soon as it is formed in his head. The air leaves his lunges in fast, torn breaths and there is a stone in his throat.

Kurogane can't stop tears, hot and almost acidic, they cut down his face.

He chokes, but manages to stay silent. It takes no more than two minutes to calm down and make breaths even again.

The brat is awfully quiet on the sofa. 

“Enough with the pretending, kid, I know you are awake.”

Slowly, an arm goes down and the kid sits up on the sofa. He is not looking at Kurogane, probably to give him more time out of respect. Instead, he goes to the kitchenette and makes tea. 

They drink in silence. Occasionally, Syaoran takes quick glances at Kurogane, as if keeping up on him. It should piss him off, Kurogane thinks, but it oddly makes him feel better.

It feels like care.

Finishing his cup, Kurogane stands up and goes to his bedroom, ruffling the boy's hair on his way.

He really is a good kid, after all.

***

Kurogane thinks he does well in Ceres, all things considered.

He does a worse job in that time loop of Clow country though, because they lose there much more.

***

Deserts are a shitty place to live in, but Clow people don't seem to have alternatives.

The heat is horrible and Fai is sweating buckets, but still he grins like a madman. He prefers heat to cold, he says. Kurogane suspects Fai just never lived in a four-season climate long enough.

There's hope that will change, someday.

These days, Fai seems more like a cat than ever. One moment he's playful – prancing around, teasing, nibbling and scratching, allowing Kurogane to revel in his silly, giddy happiness. Then his eyes, both blue again, get stormy and distant. He gets gloomy, but surprisingly, never closes up. This new Fai wants to share his concerns and fear so Kurogane listens, answers, and helps if he can.

He makes a promise to himself to never take it for granted.

While Fai worries about working around the kids’ situation, Kurogane is more concerned with their first next world. Or with how Syaoran will take it, to be precise. They are so happy now, the kid and his princess, but one of these days they will have to part. Princess has a whole bunch of family and friends, so Kurogane worries about the boy. Someone has to and there's no one but him and mage to take that role.

Fai also thinks a lot about that Watanuki guy and Kurogane listens, but to be honest, he doesn't see the point. They will get to know him eventually, one way or another. A lot of travelling awaits ahead.

Deep inside, Kurogane doesn't expect much. Every time they came across him or his name, the boy seemed like a nervous, tragic mess. Considering his situation and the death of the witch, they will not find the guy at his best.

***

“Welcome back! I am so glad to see you all again!”

Watanuki is grinning and his voice never falters, not even at “you all”. The smile is wide and a bit manic, there's a feverish glint in his eyes, but breathing is even and his hands don’t tremble giving Syaoran a hug. Big, honest, generous.

There is a tiny moment, when Syaoran mentions the witch and Watanuki's lips twitch. But he grits his teeth and doubles down on that smooth pleasantness he seems to have for everyone.

The shitshow starts when another one comes to the shop.

Something is very obviously going in between them, something really fucked up. Kurogane gets Watanuki's reaction – in fact, when the boy explodes in rage and insults, Kurogane thinks of Infinity. Because this is what he needed there: an honest to gods outburst, raw and unhinged. Others are less impressed, while that Doumeki guy seems so fishy it sets off even Fai. 

If he had to bet, Kurogane would say that Doumeki did everything intentionally, to provoke his friend. He would even say that Doumeki is satisfied with ruining everybody’s mood.

It doesn't make sense to Kurogane, so he is glad that Fai takes a personal offence at this particular mystery.

When Fai's straightforward attempt doesn't solve anything, Kurogane feels for Fai, of course. But also, for the tiniest bit, he feels vindicated.

Shitty when all your earnest, honest words go to waste, huh?

In the morning of the second day, Kurogane is first to rise. At least he thinks so, until he sees Watanuki in the kitchen. 

The guy looks like shit. Like he didn't even sleep after the night of drunken shenanigans. Pale, eyes puffy, hair a total mess, he watches as something sizzles in his glass of water.

“Morning,” says Kurogane and pours water for himself.

“And good morning to you,” Watanuki answers, looking at Kurogane for a brief moment and returning to his glass right away. 

They drink in silence, without any attempts to fill it from Watanuki.

It's not hard to read the boy's face – he doesn't hide his exhaustion, nor despair. Syaoran is not in the room. 

With a sigh, Watanuki tears himself from a chair and makes tea. There's a moment of hesitation, like the boy is listening to something in his head, and then he takes three cups instead of two.

When they are drinking tea, Watanuki is still quiet, but silence doesn't feel deliberate or tense. So it is easy for Kurogane to ask, “Hey, you alright?” 

“Of course, I'm not” Watanuki huffs and continues in an even tone, “but I’ll manage.”

Kurogane nods at that because what else can he do? Except for staying there and drinking tea.

“Yo.”

Black Mokona enters, his face also a bit green somehow. He wobbles to the table and jumps on the table right in front of the third cup. After the first gulp, he turns to Watanuki.

“So, what's for breakfast?”

Kurogane doesn't miss it – a spark of fire that Watanuki hides by rolling his eyes and smirking. 

The boy is weird and obviously depressed, but there's some almost hypnotising warmth in him. So Kurogane asks before he can reconsider, “Oi, do you need something from shops around? The mage will probably want to go out.”

Watanuki grins and Kurogane instantly regrets his offer. 

Though he ends up a butt of a joke too often, Kurogane really enjoys their days at the shop. They have fun, especially the kid. It's not like he never saw Syaoran smiling or giggling, but they shared most of the good times with father , not son . Nothing was light-heartedly happy after that acidic hell.

So Kurogane lets himself be carried by Watanuki's plans and the chaos they create. When they make a show of themselves arguing over the dough – a rather enjoyable spat – Syaoran is already almost hysterical with poorly restrained giggles. Then the white bun knocks over the cup of cooking brandy, shrieks tragically, and tries to slurp it from the table. 

This is when Syaoran loses it. The kid bursts in laughter, face so red it is blue, and leans his head on Watanuki's shoulder, shaking. 

Such a comfortable, simple gesture – something you do with closest people without a thought to spare. 

It lights up Watanuki. The guy allows himself a moment of wonder and almost blinding joy, only to morph his face back to smug grin and get back to comical, over the top arguing over the dough. Dramatically, he throws hands in mock despair and declares he will have to save the poor thing from the brute. All through the act, he never stops taking small, fast glances at the Syaoran. The kid is already sitting, holding his stomach and wiping tears.

Kurogane growls, calls Watanuki a frantic maniacal hen and hits the table in frustration, spilling even more brandy and once again setting off both Mokonas.

There's a glint in Watanuki's eyes and a big grin on his lips – both so bright and contagious that Kurogane mirrors them without a second thought.

It is really easy to have fun on those days. Of course, all of it has a price.

He can see how weary their host is and every new day makes it worse. Kurogane suspects Watanuki almost never sleeps. 

Black Mokona confirms it, when they share some tea on the porch. 

“He keeps having dreams, all sorts of them. We're thinking how to control it better, but it can't be done fast.” 

Taking a last sip, black bun puts a cup and sighs. “Usually, he naps for a couple of hours during the day, but now…”

But now they are in the shop. Kurogane finishes his tea as well and also sighs.

On the day they leave, he catches Watanuki spacing out in the kitchen.

Kurogane goes straight for the throat.

“Hey kid, you shouldn't wear yourself out like that. You’re barely standing.”

It’s hard to say what is more aggressive – Watanuki's outrage or his panic.

“What, didn't you enjoy your stay? Was something lacking?” Watanuki snaps at him, eyes flashing dangerously. The Doumeki guy is back in the shop, so there's no shortage of annoyance in their host today.

Kurogane rolls his eyes. “Keep it calm, you know it is not what I am talking about.” If this was Syaoran, Kurogane would have looked away, to make it easier for the kid to admit the truth. Damn, he got so soft.

Instead, Kurogane stares Watanuki dead in the eye, noticing the exact moment when the guy folds. His shoulders slump, he sighs, and crushes his body into the chair. 

“Yeah, I'm tired, so what? I'll have more than enough time to rest later,” Watanuki finishes bitterly. 

“You know that the kid would have been happy just talking with you. There was no need for the show you have put on.” 

“Yes, but wasn't it fun?” Watanuki answers with the manic gleam in his eyes. “And anyway, isn't it worth it? Tiredness will pass, but all those great memories I had with you guys? They will stay with me forever. I hope,” he finishes, cringing slightly.

Something catches in his throat and Kurogane nods briskly. In a blur of a moment, he ruffles Watanuki’s hair and leaves the kitchen. 

The thing is, he would have done everything exactly the same. Kurogane used to think that he got his stubbornness from father, but he remembers now. His mother, out of breath but smiling, saying something just like that. She should have rested, but the fun day with her family was far too precious.

This memory starts a train of others, looping in Kurogane's head. He thinks of Sakura, their Sakura, not the kid’s. He thinks of Infinity and all the time they lost there, thinking there would be a better day for talking or just having a tiny bit of fun.

He thinks how he could have used someone like Watanuki there and how Watanuki could have used someone like him now. So just before Mokona sucks them in the portal, Kurogane grabs Doumeki's shoulder and whispers into his ear: “If you care for him so much, stop being such a cunt.”

Kurogane doesn't bother to check the reaction to his words. He lands in the new world calm, knowing that he did well in the previous one. 

He could have done better, but there will be next time for that. 

He hopes.

***

Doumeki stops being a cunt and turns out to be a decent guy. Still on the silent, gloomy side, but that can be enjoyable too. Eventually, Fai can annoy him into talking and that makes Kurogane understand Doumeki's dynamics with Watanuki much better. 

On their second visit, they meet a tiny seer girl, Kohane. Watanuki practically worships her, while Doumeki looks at the girl like he would allow her literally anything. She has small hands and incredibly long hair, and she can shut up Fai with a quiet glance.

Kurogane loves her.

They end up in the Clow country and in the shop a lot. Fai probably has something to do with it, considering all of the dimensional travelling books and scrolls he passes through Mokonas. Years pass and Kurogane is pretty sure they have something good. 

He still bickers with Fai about almost everything in the world, a couple of measly years are not going to change that. Secretly, Kurogane hopes that nothing will, ever. 

It is funny how differently time affects a person in a certain age. He and Fai are still young – only a couple of silver hairs appeared on their heads and their bodies still can fight with the full force. But Syaoran suddenly starts to look much closer to their age. Broad shoulders, deep voice, and a face that is finally big enough for its bushy eyebrows. While still on the shorter side, Syaoran does not look small at all. There's something big in him, like he is that one guy who will protect you no matter what. And usually, that's exactly how it goes.

Kurogane allows himself a bit of vanity, thinking they helped the kid grow into this incredible person. 

There are also some things he most certainly got somewhere else. Surely, not none of them taught the kid smiles that broad and honest, or kindness so profound it takes almost all the space in his heart.

Kurogane prays for that “almost” part, because he knew a person with a heart that big. It didn't do her good in the end.

Another guy is also kind, but he knows how to balance it now. Watanuki does it so well, only a selected few know just how soft-hearted he truly is. It starts to affect their travels at some point. In certain worlds, nobody dares to stand in Syaoran's way – Kurogane hears whispers and fake politeness, followed by quiet “It's his brother”. Sometimes, they play along and feed into that kind of reputation for Watanuki. Fai did promise Doumeki they will help any way they can.

To be completely honest, Kurogane enjoys this game — adding some drama and flourish to Watanuki’s image. He is well aware of the effect it can have, since he has done something like that before.

Nobody would even think of attacking a person who inspires fearful respect in a big, angry guy like Kurogane. Sure, Tomoyo is more than formidable herself, but sometimes Kurogane made a bit of a show to cement her invincibility. So he does the same for Watanuki and Fai joins him gleefully. Their version of the shopmaster is a shrewd successor of the witch, just as vicious with his prices, and a horrible, merciless threat to the particular sort of people. Those who harm the ones he holds dear. 

At some point, Kurogane notices that Fai starts to believe his lies, but that's how it usually happens with Fai.

From Kurogane's standpoint, there's nothing wrong with that kind of image being reality. It's not like he is actually afraid of the shopmaster anyway.

Syaoran also has no fear for the guy who spends the night before their arrival making funny-shaped cookies because his brother once said they are cute. Then again, Syaoran would rather die than have a tiniest doubt in people he loves.

According to Doumeki, it's a fault both brothers share.

According ro Kurogane, it's not a fault at all.

***

Talking about their kids, people often say something like “I never noticed how he became all grown up”.

Kurogane is a piss-poor stand-in for a father, so perhaps that is why he knows an exact day Syaoran truly grew up.

This world is going to do them dirty, he knows as soon as they land there.

Everything reeks of fear and suffering. Sure, neither he nor Fai shy away from occasional violence, but Kurogane will always prefer some small feudal war or a tyrant-in-making, in awe of his newfound power and prone to mistakes. 

This is a different thing. They have a system.

Nobody answers their questions properly, as if people speak in some bizarre code 

“Euphemisms,” says Fai, looking at a woman walking away from them hastily. “We just need to figure out what words they use instead of normal ones”.

So far they figured only several. Syaoran writes them down in a neat line, with descriptions.

“For The Aim” is used at the end of practically every sentence. People say it reverently, like capital letter words. But they also use it so much, it must have lost any meaning by now.

“The great power leading us” is a tyrant that rules over everything in the country. And there is a building called “Opera” that most certainly doesn't hold any concerts. 

“Of course, I don't have any problems, silly,” the woman laughs at them, eyes big with panic, “I don't want to sing in the Opera, do I?” she adds quietly, walking away.

There is no way to know when Mokona can take them away from this weird hellhole, so they decide to start at something.

Big, pitch black building on the main square is the first thing on their list. According to the sign on the front door, it is the place where “the great leading power”  sees his subjects every day, for two hours. From one to three p.m.

“Very promising, no weird signals at all,” Syaoran mumbles and pushes the heavy wooden door.

There's only a few guards. Too few.

As the tallest, Kurogane is the first one to see the “great power”. He stops right there. Fai makes a couple steps forward, frowning, then also stops. Eyebrows up in his fringe and mouth in a little surprised “oh”, he looks so shocked, Kurogane steps up to shield him from others. 

Syaoran comes close to a small line of people, approaching the big glass box. Visitors lean to it, whisper something loudly, so that everyone hears the words –   mostly gratitude for the wise ruling.

When the tall guy in front of the kid moves, they can hear Syaoran's gasp. They can also see his face turned to them, shocked and mouthing, “He's dead?”

Well, yeah. The great power is a dead guy in the glass box.

In Kurogane's opinion, there's nothing to do here, no one to kill even, so he comes up to the kid. But before they can leave, Kurogane sees the man, standing over the glass coffin. His eyes are so big and alive as they can be only when a person expects to die. There's something in his hand – Kurogane grabs Syaoran by the collar and throws him on the ground – a blast of magic explodes, shattering glass everywhere – Kurogane falls over the kid, covering him from shards. 

Tender, quiet whistling almost drowns in screams and wails. Something warm covers Kurogane and all the sounds go down, as if muffled by a thick blanket. Kurogane looks up and sees Fai, pale but unharmed. He brings a finger to his lips and signals to move closer to the wall. 

There, unseen and hidden by Fai’s magic, they watch as men in black uniforms flood the building and grab everyone. The guy that made the blast tries to get himself killed, attacking the men. But they knock him out and drag through the hall, through blood and shards. As they drag everyone else – all of the visitors who were thanking the corpse profusely just a minute ago. Even a couple of kids who were with them.

Syaoran watches it and waits a minute after the last guard leaves. Then he says, “So what was next? ‘Opera’ building?”

They don't go straight to that bloody slaughterhouse, of course. 

They take out glass shards from Kurogane's back, patch his cuts, and Fai even manages to steal a kiss and kick him in the shins for getting hurt.

Everything takes less than an hour but Syaoran is still hurrying them.

Stupid kid, Kurogane thinks fondly.

Mokona helps them to find some back door, so they sneak in almost unnoticed. Surprisingly, they don't even make a lot of noise – guards on their way seem so shocked by someone breaking in, their reactions are slow and weak.

Everything goes south when they hear that horrible cry. Syaoran bolts with Mokona on his shoulder, and they follow until there's new sharp pain in Kurogane's back and something is messing with legs.

Kurogane falls. Next to him, Fai gasps and falls as well.

When darkness lets him go, Kurogane finds his head on Fai's lap, face down, and the rest of him on the floor. A very dirty floor, reeking of different bodily fluids.

He groans in disgust.

“I know, I am very happy to not have vampire senses anymore,” says Fai quietly. Whites of his eyes almost glow in the dark, but that's pretty much all that Kurogane can see.

Then piercing pain in his back kicks in and he groans again.

“I didn't take out the bolt, we have nothing here to stop the blood. Mokona was with Syaoran-kun and he got away, I hope,” Fai answers him once again. “But we match – I have one in me too.”

Now Kurogane notices Fai's uneven breathing and a slight trembling in hands that caress his hair. Fuck.

Teeth gritted, he drags himself up on his legs and immediately regrets, hitting his head on the low ceiling. The cell is tiny, probably too small even for the kid to stand up.

“Could you blast them off?” Kurogane asks, standing on his knees and trying to shake gritty grated doors. Too solid for blunt force, even if he had enough place to swing his sword properly. 

Every move follows painful jolts Kurogane can feel even in his teeth.

Fai sighs. “There's magic dampeners all over the place. I tried to get us some light, but it's like getting fire from wet matches. And the longer we are here – the wetter they get.” 

They both think about the kid, Kurogane can tell from the way Fai's eyes stare into a slightly better lit corridor behind the bars. 

“He will be fine,” Kurogane says with conviction. “We just need to get out of here. Then we'll grab the brat and crawl into a some hideout away from this fucked up town, till Mokona can take us away.”

There is a sudden burst of bitter laughter, then a raw, overused voice behind the wall says, “Still optimistic? Cute. There are some places one can never get out of, boys.”

Kurogane doesn't bother answering – he knows better than to care for rambling like that. But he can feel Fai tensing and evening his breaths at the same time.

“Now that's where you are wrong, neighbour. No such place for us,” he says and his eyes glint in the darkness and Kurogane is so fucking proud and so stupidly in love he almost forgets they really do need to get out from this shithole.

After what feels like an hour they still have their optimism intact. 

Fai has managed to strengthen the spell on Kurogane prosthetics somehow, so he is able to pull out his sword after all. The process leaves the mage clammy and heavy-breathing. “Felt like loosening a tooth before pulling,” he explains, face scrunched. 

After some time their eyes get used to darkness – the idiot looks as pale as Kurogane feels. Still, Fai reaches to the bars, whispering some incantations. 

“Hey, get a rest. You look two seconds away from death,” Kurogane growls. In a testimony of how bad it really is, Fai lingers near bars only for a moment or so. Then he leans his head on Kurogane's shoulder and instantly nods off. 

While Fai sleeps, Kurogane revises a couple of scenarios for breaking out, if someone comes near their cell. His head is already swimming from constant pain, his back is on fire, but there is still enough fight in him for taking a chance. 

Kurogane gives Fai just a bit more time to rest before waking him up carefully. When his blue eyes clear, Fai touches his forehead to Kurogane's and for a brief moment they are away and together and safe with each other.

Then Kurogane lays out his plan, lips moving almost inaudibly.

In the end, it's easier than they thought it would be. It helps that Fai can easily be the most annoying shit in the world. He attacks with a rapidfire of naive, out of tune questions and riles up their neighbour into unhinged cries. 

It is not their best moment and Kurogane could already picture guilty lines on Fai's face, mirrored by his own. But they need to get out.

They need to get to the kid and the bun and they need to take them away to some better, safer place.

“You will rot here, yes, you will! Nobody gets out, you hear me? Nobody!” the voice behind the wall shouted, shifting from manic laugh to desperate screeching. “Nobody got out, not strong, not small, not weak, not better, not much better people, nobody,” the prisoner wails, never stopping even after his voice shatters. His rasping wheezes are just as loud.

In a couple of minutes, they hear footsteps approaching. Kurogane is ready to draw his sword any moment now. Fai's eyes are as sharp as Ginryu.

The heavy-footed guard is doing something to their neighbour – there's a zap of electricity, followed by silence.

“Hello, my good man,” Fai drawles in his stupid voice. “Care to give us a little refresher on our fate? What to expect, what to dread?” 

Fai is just close enough to bars to lure the guard. In his shadow, Kurogane is prepared to strike.

The guard comes to their cell, dragging his feet. He is tall and heavy but that doesn't matter, not to the blade.

According to the plan, they have to let him come really close, otherwise they won't be able to steal the keys or weapons from the body. Otherwise, Ginryu would need an extra seconds to reach its target, and they are terribly short on those.

Guard doesn't come close. 

There's more than a meter between him and the bars and before Kurogane can think of something, the fucker pushes some stick through bars.

Electricity sparkles on the end of the stick and Fai falls on Kurogane with his full weight, throwing them back into the cell.

World explodes in terrible pain – he must have pressed on the bolt – and even through the bloody haze in his eyes Kurogane can see that the stick is just too long. 

If the guard will make one step to them, it will reach them. 

There's no time to think, so Kurogane just grabs Fai, his prosthetic hand hovering over Fai's heart, hoping that synthetic skin will provide some insulation.

Guard steps to them and Kurogane takes a breath, preparing to feel the strike.

It comes, missing them by the hair, accompanied by a dull, heave sound. When the guard falls, his stick clicking on the floor, they can see their saviour.

It's the kid, of course.

He is covered in blood, eyes glinting under the bushy eyebrows. Mokona is shaking on his shoulder, tangled into the kid's hood. Syaoran lets a small gasp of relief upon seeing them and turns to search the unconscious guard on the floor. 

He unlocks them, checks their injuries, and promises to free them from bolts as soon as they get to a safer place. 

Not once does he look them in the eyes.

Something is terribly wrong, but Kurogane cares about only one thing right now.

That it is not the boy's own blood that covers him head to toe.

They can deal with everything else later.

Their way through the torture house is hazy. Kurogane's body tires of his resolve, making his steps heavier. Fai is looking far worse, his skin is even more clammy and grey. It's hard to tell what got to him worse – his injured back, magic dampeners, or just the place itself. Fai is no good in towers and prisons.

There is some kind of uprising going on. People are running in the halls, not paying them any attention. Explosions shake the grounds, followed by clouds of fine dust covering everything with layers of grey.

Kurogane doesn't care about ruble and revolutions, not when Fai's breathing is slowing down. Not when he can hear the kid's clamped teeth grinding.

They almost get to the big hall with what looks like a blasted out exit. Almost, because two guards jump at them from the corner, swords cutting the air too close. All that Kurogane manages is tossing Fai on the ground and falling near him. At the same time, Syaoran throws himself forward and everything else takes only a second. There's two wet sounds of metal tearing through the tissue and scraping over the bones – there and back, and one of the guards falls. 

Syaoran swishes his sword, shaking off blood in a very familiar fashion. Red droplets fall on the floor and Kurogane understands.

The second guard also falls, bolt in his neck. The shooter must have been the guy approaching them. Heavy crossbow in hands and face half swollen in ugly, purple bruise, he is still recognisable. It's his burning eyes, or rather one visible eye, that help Kurogane recognise the guy from before. The one who placed the bomb over the glass coffin.

“We’re even now, lad,” he says to Syaoran and the kid nods curtly. “Now fuck off to whatever place you've come from, before we blow up this shithole.”

That's the plan, thinks Kurogane and in a surge of last breath adrenaline grabs Fai and dashes to the exit. Syaoran follows, watching their backs, still completely silent.

The thing is, Kurogane knows how the kid feels. He remembers his first kill. It doesn't matter that a lot of them followed it, the first one robs you of something. 

Frankly, it was the miracle they got so far protecting the kid from it, striking first when there was nothing else to be done. It hurts that they failed in the end, pangs from the guilt as sharp as from a crossbow.

Outside the building, more people are screaming than inside now. There is dust in the air as well and Kurogane is thankful for the cover up it provides. He is looking for some hideout because Fai grows heavier with each second, when Mokona yelps suddenly.

“Guys, I can get us to the shop!” 

She is already in the air, the magic circle expanding. “We were talking with the other Mokona and he said it's okay to go back!”

Amid the golden swirls of magic, Fai rasps, “and the price?”

“Already paid” is the last thing they hear in this wretched world.

The shop attacks them with clean air and blazing afternoon sun. Just as they land, the kid is already over Fai and Kurogane, checking their backs, looking for other injuries. He gasps near Fai and Kurogane steels himself, following Syaoran’s eyes.

There is a giant pool of blood under the Fai.

Before panic sets in, Kurogane's brain manages to produce one coherent thought. 

No way Fai could lose so much blood here in a few seconds.

Then Syaoran makes another gasp, Fai joining him. That's when Kurogane finally looks around.

The entire yard is splashed in blood. It looks normal – red and smelling like iron – but there are no bodies around. Just mangled remains of something with limbs, claws, and beaks.

Doumeki lies on the porch with a bow clasped in his hand and a small puddle of blood under the head. His chest rises with every breath and Kurogane lets out a relieved sigh.

Hovering over Doumeki, Watanuki stands on his knees – pale as a ghost and breathing heavily. He is covered in blood as well, but black fabric of his gown hides the colour, leaving only the wet shine to betray the grime.

One of the reasons Kurogane prefers black garments.

“Fuck,” Fai hisses an it breaks the shocked spell of silence. 

Forcing loud breaths through his nose, Watanuki turns to them, mouth in a hard line. He looks like he wants to say something but decides against it, turning to the house. Instead black Mokona jumps closer and explains, “we had an unexpected visit, things got messy. That is why we couldn't take you out of that world sooner.” 

“Something tried to come through Doumeki and caught the wrong side of his arrow?” Kurogane rasps, marveling at the carnage.

Mokona looks at him weirdly. “No, how would he do all that with a bow? It came for Doumeki and knocked him out right away. Watanuki dealt with it.”

The black bun whispers something to the white and together, they head to the shop, small feet tapping through the blood with disgusting wet sounds.

A tense silence follows, disturbed only by Syaoran's shaky pulls of breath. He sounds like a person that is about to throw up. 

In a moment, Watanuki reappears from inside the house and says, “If you can walk, get in the house. Syaoran-kun, could you please help me bring Doumeki in? I am afraid he is too heavy for me alone. My fault, really, I feed him too much,” he quips in an even tone and looks almost his normal self. Calm and collected, as if he hadn’t painted his porch red and decorated with body parts.

Only when Kurogane comes closer, Fai almost hanging on his right shoulder yet still on his own feet, he notices that Watanuki shivers wildly.

The thing is, he looks exactly like the kid up close. But when Watanuki takes in Syaoran's clammy skin and glassy eyes, his own clear up. He takes the last shuddering breath and trembling leaves his body like by magic. 

“I called Kohane-chan, she is coming to help us to patch up,” he says while they carefully put Doumeki on the futon in the living room. Maru and Moro run around, laying out other futons and medical supplies. It is the first time Kurogane sees them completely silent. Watanuki nods to them with a small grateful smile that girls mirror immediately – routine quiet and well-rehearsed.

A small red splotch blooms on the cot under Doumeki’s head. Too slow to be a new round of bleeding, just a wound slightly disturbed. Watanuki tears his eyes from it and looks at Syaoran’s greenish skin and set, trembling jaws. 

“Terribly in sync, are we?” he muses with a sad smile and that is what breaks the kid’s walls. Tears burst out of his eyes and Syaoran swallows a sob, looking even more guilty. 

“Sorry, I know it is not the time,” he hiccups into his fist. “We need to sort the injuries and...”

Watanuki shrugs. “No, go ahead, cry it out. It will help with your hands,” he says with such a sad, detached kindness that Kurogane feels something prickly in his nose. Fai takes a shuddered breath – probably louder than he intended.

Wiping his hands with a wet towel, Watanuki passes Syaoran the white package. The kid prepares bandages and blood-soaking tampons, tears falling down and disappearing into the fabrics of his brown pants. In a minute or so, his hands really stop trembling.

Just as they determined that Doumeki’s head wound was safely shallow, a young woman in a dark dress enters the room. She takes in a sharp smell of disinfectant in the air, their bloodied rags and broken bolts and tired redness of eyes. 

“Huh, that is why I had to wear the black dress today,” she says quietly. Then Kohane pins her hair up and joins them to extract the bolt from Fai’s back. 

Watanuki looks at her, then at everybody else in the room – at Doumeki’s peaceful, almost sleeping face; at Mokonas that dab something awfully painful on grumbling Kurogane’s back; at white-lipped, tense Fai winking at Kohane with a bloody bolt in her small hand; at tear-stricken Syaoran, slowly regaining healthy colours and composure and letting out a surprised chuckle all of a sudden – Watanuki watches them and there is a smile blooming on his face.

It is such an oddly, inappropriately happy smile that Kurogane finally lets his tears fall as well.