Chapter Text
Was the forest ever this scary at night?
Okay, yeah, maybe he should've picked a more convenient time to do his ever-so-brave law-defying outside castle grounds and explore beyond the gates despite the king's pleas for him to remain within castle walls. Well, even so, Kaiser'd rather strike his heart with an arrow than admit that the king might be right. Kaiser doesn't know who the fuck that stupid king thinks he is, but he certainly is not his father. Kaiser isn't his son either, so he doesn't know why the king would want to marry him off like he is.
Shitty royals and their marriage of state bullshit. No one is or will ever be the boss of him, not even the royals that have bailed him out of the oubliettes after he was scapegoated by jewellery thieves for being an accomplice and, get this, adopted him. Marrying off an adoptive son because you aren't capable of having a biological child yourself! He ought to dare the next jester to utter a joke greater than the royal lineage.
The thick veil of darkness blanketed Kaiser's surroundings so heavily that it felt almost suffocating, and the trees looming above him did nothing to filter any light. Kaiser trudged with his arms outstretched with nothing but a thin sheen of moonlight guiding him deeper into the forest. Not that he had a place in mind to be guided to anyway. He was only, what, ten minutes away from the castle? Maybe he'll just rest by a tree for an hour or two, then head straight back. All he wanted was for that king to realize that Michael Kaiser does not obey these flimsy rules, and he never will.
He pressed his lips into a thin line as dried leaves crunched beneath his heavy metal boots. So much for being silent because Kaiser was damn sure he was the loudest thing in the entire forest. Fuck, he can just about hear his heartbeat bouncing off the trees and reverberating too.
Kaiser narrowly avoided slipping on wet mud before he clutched the nearest tree to regain his balance, nearly giving himself splinters if he weren't wearing gloves. That seemed to have triggered the murder of crows living on it to jeer mockingly at him. Kaiser clenched his jaw, glaring up at the bullies. Everything in this God-forsaken forest was starting to really piss him off.
Stupid birds that do nothing but shit on people's heads, he thinks bitterly as he leans away from the tree to continue his aimless journey. A crow laughed at him when he nearly tripped over a log again. If he had his crossbow... Kaiser glowered at the crow like it had just called him a slur before walking off.
Every step of his was placed with as much caution as he could muster. Still, a little voice in the back of his head kept telling him that someone, something, was going to creep up behind him when he least expected it, no matter how silent he was. Kaiser looks over his shoulder every so often, expecting a large and hairy, triple-jointed beast to lunge at him.
He doesn't know what else to expect, really. In his years of hunting in this very forest, he'd never ventured this deep into it. As far as he knows, there aren't any bears, lions, or any other dangerous predators around these areas. The most dangerous thing in the woods is probably poisonous mushrooms, and the only people who ever fall for picking them up, seduced by their eye-pleasing colours, are either children or idiots.
Like that figure over there, who was probably the latter.
Kaiser held his breath, blinking a few times until his eyes finally adjusted in the dark. Hunched over a patch of multicoloured fungi was the silhouette of a lean hooded figure, their cape torn around the edges with patches of mismatched clothes sewn messily on worn holes. Edgy, sure, but also a really ominous get-up. Kaiser's hand rests on the hilt of his sword, just in case.
Kaiser squints, daring to take a step forward and— Oh shit, he should've checked where he was stepping. Oh fuck, the figure noticed him, their body straightening up.
"Wait-" But the figure already sprinted away, running deeper and deeper into the woods until they were nothing but a grey dot.
Shit, shit! Kaiser looked behind him at where he came from, then back at the direction the figure ran off. Shit! He shouldn't venture that far into the woods, but— But!
Kaiser groaned, balling his fists as he mentally braced himself before taking off running after them. That hooded figure, presumably a villager, shouldn't be out here in the woods themselves! Kaiser, as crowned prince and the next ruler of this country, needs to ensure their safety! He's definitely not chasing them because his curiosity got the best of him, and he's dying to know who exactly was under that hood!
Kaiser called for them until his throat was hoarse, coughing as he struggled to yell and breathe at the same time. It shouldn't be humanly possible to be that fast. Kaiser was just barely able to catch up to the sharp turns, and he was pretty sure they played ring-around-the-rosie around the same tree twice. The way this guy could disappear without a trace and reappear in a different place made Kaiser's head spin, and he was barely able to turn his heels as fast as his head.
Kaiser pushes the thought that this "guy" might not be human at all aside. The last thing he needed was to start hallucinating things and get on more medication. The figure was very much real and very much there. He could see they were just up there, hiding behind that very tree a few feet away from him. Kaiser dragged his feet, heavy across the ground, not even caring that the obnoxiously loud clanking of his boots might scare the life into whatever spirits were haunting them.
Kaiser wheezed, driving his foot back against the dirt and giving himself a boost forward and behind the tree was— Absolutely no one?
Wait, how the hell—? Kaiser whipped his head 'round, but nothing except for tall bushes and even taller trees girdling him. The figure completely vanished, and, oh fuck him for this, but Kaiser didn't remember which direction he came from. He knew he should've brought a compass with him.
Well, logically speaking, he should just turn a full 180° and run back, but the hooded figure he was chasing didn't exactly sprint in a straight line, did they? With all the loopy curves and turns, Kaiser was bound to get lost one way or another.
Absolutely brilliant. He's going to starve here, in the middle of buttfuck nowhere, and get eaten by- by a witch or whatever that curses the woods at night before he could ever live to see past dawn.
All because he– Wait, no.
All because that hooded figure was wandering around in the middle of the night, picking poisonous mushrooms like flowers for a bouquet, forcing Kaiser to do his job as the crowned prince and chase after them to ensure their safety. It was entirely their fault for being a careless citizen.
Kaiser hunched over his knees, trying to catch his breath and thoughts. His hair was starting to stick uncomfortably to his skin, and the back of his coat was starting to dampen. The drop in temperature did nothing to help dry it off. If anything, he's shivering like a leaf, the cold wind biting him with vice. The goosebumps rising on his arms were borderline painful now.
Kaiser took a deep breath, grounding himself back to earth before the intrusive thoughts about his inevitable death got the better of him.
Focus, Michael.
Survival tip 101: don't go in the woods in the middle of the night and chase a suspicious hooded figure deeper into it. Don't fuck around, don't find out.
Survival tip 102: find shelter from danger ASAP before danger finds you. Find shelter... Kaiser's eyebrow twitch. In the middle of the woods, in the middle of nowhere. Fabulous.
Kaiser crouches down, the sound of his knees clicking, piercing his sensitive ears. He'd got his head in his hands and shit, this is such an embarrassing way to go. Michael Kaiser, death by starvation and his stupid decisions. His grave would be the laughingstock of the entire village – no – the whole empire!
His lungs contract with each breath, and as if the forest wasn't already hard enough to see all its dark glory, his blurred vision made it even worse. It wasn't tears, of course. Michael Kaiser does not cry, but he does have a brain-splitting migraine right now.
Kaiser ran his fingers into his blonde locks, combing them out before twirling a few strands around his fingers. He took a deep breath and tugged harshly at the strands. His scalp emits a satisfying crack, and Kaiser shudders. Thank you, stressed-out royal servants, for teaching him this.
His blood ran cold when he heard the sharp gasp that wasn't his own behind him.
Kaiser immediately sprung back on his feet and whipped his head back so fast he was sure he'd have to get the royal chiropractor to fix it. He held his breath, fingers jittering as goosebumps bloomed across his even paler skin.
The bush a few feet behind him rustled the moment he stared at it. For a split second, Kaiser wonders if his gut is right and if there is a hairy, triple-jointed beast that will feast on his flesh stalking him. Well, that was until his eyes caught onto the exact hood of the figure he was chasing through the bushes, attempting to dash off again when they were noticed. Without even a second to spare, he leapt right at it.
His body crashed against the moving figure, pouncing at them to the ground with such force that he hoped to God the loud snap was from the twigs and not this figure's bones. They elicited a squeal, the voice taking Kaiser aback for a moment before Kaiser's arms instinctively latched around them, pressing them down with his entire body weight. The squeal trails into a hoarse croak.
"Ow- Ow, ow, my ribs–" They wheezed, voice deeper and more human than Kaiser had expected. Male, Kaiser guesses. Around his age, even.
Kaiser could feel their arms flailing and fingers digging into the back of his coat. Kaiser only hugged tighter.
"State your name and your— Don't– Scratch me–"
"You get off me! I can't—" The figure coughed out, voice raw and throaty. It doesn't take a genius to guess that the last word was supposed to be 'breathe'.
They wrestled on the dirt — Kaiser trying to get on the figure and the figure trying to get him off. Finally, in fits of curses and 'get of me's, the figure's resolve to fight back seemed to weaken. Kaiser took advantage of it, grabbing the figure by the shoulders and slamming them to the ground. Their groan of pain turned wheezy again when Kaiser straddled them and sat right on their stomach.
"You really think you can run away from me?" Kaiser hissed, lips ticking up at the corners when that earned him a whimper. He could barely see the figure's face with how thick the figure's hood is too. He reached a hand out to yank the hood away, but the figure swatted it away. Scowling, Kaiser pulled his hand back. Guess he'll uncover that mystery later, then.
Kaiser waited for an answer, but it came as a croak as both of their hands found his thighs and dug their nails in. Oh, shit, right.
Kaiser shimmied his way lower and onto their hip so he wasn't crushing the figure's organs but still able to pin them down. The figure finally caught their breath, gasping and swallowing as much air as they could.
"What did you just do?" They breathed.
"Huh?"
"The thing where you—" They did a hair yanking motion. "—pull your hair! And- And it clicks!"
"Helps with dealing with headaches and pain in the asses like you." Kaiser shot back, unamused. "Don't change the topic. Full name, now."
The figure quaked beneath him, hesitating before blowing out a breath.
"Alexis."
Kaiser clicked his tongue, annoyed. "Full. Name. Like hell am I going to be on a first-name basis with you."
"Just-" Alexis writhes beneath him, hands on Kaiser's hips as he tries to push Kaiser away.
It only made Kaiser ground his hips harder, fuming, but his frown dropped as he flinched at the pain whine Alexis let out. His brain buffered before he could realize where exactly he was sitting.
"Shit, sorry," Kaiser flushed red, raising his hips and pinning his weight onto Alexis' shoulders instead. He wonders briefly if their kingdom's healthcare covers orchidopexies.
"You're not supposed to be out here, Alexis," Kaiser mumbles when the mortification declines. "It's dangerous. You'll get lost."
"Like you?" Alexis hissed.
Kaiser's face scrunched.
"I'm not lost! I'm just..." Kaiser's eyes flitting upwards as he thinks of an excuse. "...Hunting. For rabbits."
"Ah, because crowned princes always hunt rabbits in the middle of the night.", Alexis replies, tone a little lighter now.
"Shut up!" Kaiser snapped, face red again. "So what if I'm lost? S'not like you're any better."
"I'm not lost! I live here!"
Kaiser scoffs. "In the middle of the woods? Don't make me laugh."
Alexis' fingers dug into his thighs, harsh and angry. Still, Kaiser didn't let his sternness slip, gripping Alexis' shoulders with equal vice.
A few seconds of silence passed, and though Kaiser couldn't see Alexis' face, he could just sense the inner turmoil. Kaiser's face splits into a grin when Alexis lets go of his thighs and sighs. Kaiser's grip on Alexis' shoulders softens too.
"Alexis... Ness. Alexis Ness."
Kaiser's eyes widened with recognition before they narrowed again with suspicion. "Ness? The family of scientists?"
Ness doesn't reply. Kaiser took his chances and let Ness' shoulders go. He plopped beside him on the dirt. If this man really was a Ness, he'd know better than to run away from him. After all, the royals were the ones who funded their research.
"What are you doing out here in the middle of the woods? Shouldn't you be, like," Kaiser waved a hand around. "researching shit? Or whatever scientists do."
"Shouldn't I..." Ness mumbled, sitting up. Kaiser cringed when Ness groaned and held his groin. Whoops.
As Ness composed himself, Kaiser's eyes and mind drifted. The small multicoloured fungi Kaiser recognized as the ones he saw Ness picking were scattered across the ground along with some kind of herbs. Kaiser squinted at them for a moment, and it clicked.
Kaiser turned to Ness. "A botanist?"
"Huh?" Ness turned to look back at him. It took Kaiser a moment to realize that his hood was completely off now. Kaiser's breath caught in his throat, taken aback. When he remembered how to blink, he cleared his throat and pressed on.
"Like a plant scientist. It would make sense if you were one." Kaiser continued, lips curling up. "No one else's stupid enough to pick poisonous mushrooms a few hours before dawn."
Ness blinked at Kaiser. Was he taken aback? Or was he amused? Hard to tell by his expression, honestly. Ness looks just as dumb as the kid Kaiser was forced to babysit for a better reputation than 'asshole prince'.
Kaiser held in a wider grin when Ness' lips quirked up at one corner. Damn the angels to hell and back, but this guy's stupidly cute.
Ness turned, curls bobbing as he forced the smile off his lips and into a straight line. He sulked sadly as he acknowledged the mess surrounding him.
"No, not a botanist. I'm a—" Kaiser swore he saw the pearly gates when Ness interrupted himself with a horrified cry.
With both hands posed readily and defensively in front of him, Kaiser watched Ness get on all fours and start crawling on the ground and towards... Some broken twigs? Well, that would explain the snapping sound when he tackled Ness. As glad as Kaiser is that he doesn't have to take responsibility for any broken bones, really? Mourning snapped twigs? Is this what agriculture has come down to?
"Sorry for... Breaking your favourite stick?" Kaiser gritted out, pulling a hand back to rub the nape of his itchy neck.
Ness sobbed as he picked up the two halves of a stick, quivering as he lined them up into one. "My wand..."
Maybe Kaiser should lay off those funky plants he'd been smoking. His brows knitted so tight that he could feel another migraine coming on. "Your what?"
Ness' attention flicked between the broken stick and Kaiser, hesitant and unsure. When he finally settled his gaze on the stick, he seemed less reluctant and more determined. Taking a deep breath, he lined up the sticks with his left hand and curled his right palm against the crack where the two halves of the stick joined. After barely a second, he removed his hand, and the slit was gone.
It was just a single stick again.
There was a beat. Then another. When Kaiser finally oils the cogs of his brain, his throat is dry, and his eyes are wide. He glances up at Ness, who shoots him an unsure look back. The wind feels colder than before, and Kaiser finally lets go of the breath he didn't remember holding.
Kaiser points a finger at Ness. "Witch."
Ness' mouth twitched into a bashful smile. He pointed to himself too. "Witch."