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BRANDON
There were lights flashing everywhere I looked, bodies jumping and grinding against each other.
The Heathens really went all out.
I could see Maya dancing in the center of a group of people wearing a stunning white dress. She looks like she’s thriving with all the attention. But I don’t see Mia. I wasn’t really expecting to see her down here, though. She’s a bit more introverted, like I am, so when Glyn and Cecily lead me upstairs to the second level I went without hesitation.
It was far less crowded up here, maybe a small handful of people, so it didn’t take me long to spot the birthday girl dancing with her cousin Killian.
And Nikolai.
He and Kill were dancing, more like mock fighting, next to Mia. My chest ached when I saw him there, absolutely gorgeous in a black t-shirt and jeans. His hair was down and all I wanted to do was run my fingers through the soft locks. It had been nearly a week since he ghosted me and the distance hasn’t made me want him any less.
Quite the opposite, in fact.
I never want to go through this again.
For the past week, I’ve gone to bed alone.
Woken up alone.
Gone on my runs alone.
Eaten breakfast alone.
Read the news alone.
Watched television alone.
Alone.
Alone.
Alone!
I don’t want to be alone.
He's invaded every aspect of my life. Made himself such an essential part of my everyday, that it feels incomplete without him there.
I am incomplete without him.
Talking with my friends and Glyn gave me more insight than if I’d been left to my own devices. To drown in the self hatred that only seems to recede when he is there. Remi told me what I needed to do when I explained the situation to them at afternoon tea, and Glyn, Cecily, and even Ava agreed.
So when Mia spotted us, drawing the attention of her dance partners our way, I knew what to do.
I just hope I don’t make a fool of myself.
“You came!” Mia signed with a bright smile that I couldn’t help returning.
“You personally invited me, of course I did,” I said hugging her back when she pulled me in.
Glyn hugged her next, holding out a gift bag. “Happy Birthday! These are from us,” she said as Cecily received her hug.
“Thank you,” Mia took the bag just as Killian and Niko joined us.
Glyn went straight into Killian’s arms, settling in as he bent down for a kiss. But as Niko continued to stomp up to me, I could finally take a good look at his eyes. And I froze, all earlier confidence fleeing at the sight.
A hollow rage filled his beautiful eyes.
Almost as though the only thing keeping his mind tethered to his body was the anger. He was having one of his episodes.
Was that why he ghosted me?
He didn’t want me to see him like this?
It wasn’t because he saw the real, disgusting, me that I never wanted anyone to know existed and found me just as ugly as I see myself…right?
I started to feel the ever familiar nausea rise up. The thoughts swirled in my head, as he got right up in my face.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” he growled at me, Cecily and Glyn safely held in their boyfriends’ arms.
I hesitated, the nausea worsening as the black pit tried to swallow me whole. What was I doing here? I had a plan and for the life of me I can’t remember what it was.
Mia jumped in between us and started signing.
“I invited him. He’s my friend.”
“He’s that asshole’s fucking brother. I don’t want him here,” he shifted his glared back to me, “This another of your brother’s fucking plans? What’s it gonna be this time? Arson? Theft? Murder?”
“Of course not! Bran would never be part of that dick’s plans.” Mia signed furiously.
“I don’t trust it,” Niko growled. This was not how I had wanted tonight to go, everything was spiraling. Maybe I should try some other time? Yeah, that might be better.
I sighed, catching Mia's attention before she can get into an argument with her brother.
“Thank you for the invite, Mia, but I think it might be best if I go.” She looked hurt when I said this.
“No! Stay! Please? Niko won’t do anything and I wanted to hang out with friends.” She hurried to get out before I turned to leave.
A heavy hand landed on my shoulder.
I turned slightly to see Jeremy come up behind me, one arm wrapped around Cecily. “ Mia’s right. You’re our guest. Stay and have fun,” Jeremy said as he looked me in the eye.
“Yeah, man. Bran’s cool and nothing like that tool of a brother of his. If you’re cool with Glyn you gotta be cool with Bran too,” Killian said from next to his cousin.
As Mia, Killian, and even Jeremy all came to my defense, I looked into the faces of two of the closest people in my life. Cecily and Glyn hadn’t said anything to Niko yet. Their attention wasn’t on him or the others.
No. Their attention was all on me. Cecily’s eyes pointedly darted from me to Niko and back again, willing me to go through with the plan.
I don’t know if I can is the problem.
The nausea is creeping up my throat and the arguing is getting louder and we’re starting to draw attention and all I want to do is run. Run back downstairs and out the door and back into the same routine and façade that’s kept me safe and protected and predictable all these years. It wouldn’t be too difficult. I’d go on my runs, paint my landscapes, and fall back into the shell of the perfectly normal mask I’d created and no one would remember in a few years.
But then, I look at Glyn.
And she’s looking at me too. And she’s not paying the arguing any attention, she’s just watching me. When she sees she has my attention, she gives me a small, encouraging smile. And she mouths three simple words. Three words that sum up something that I never do. That have been people’s downfall and I refused to make it my own.
‘Take a Chance’
How can she say that to me? When taking a chance could destroy me? The last time I took a chance it did destroy me. I haven’t been the same since.
I’m about to turn away, to forget all of this and go back to my safe little cocoon of normalcy when she glances up at Kill and the look on her face makes me pause. It’s a look of love and longing. A look of adoration and contentment. A look that spoke of more happiness in that single second of seeing him than she’s had all day.
And I want that too. I want to look at someone that way and have someone look at me that way.
No.
Not someone.
Nikolai.
I want that with Nikolai.
She looks back at me, ready to support me, even if I chicken out. But I don’t want to run anymore. I want to be brave, like Glyn and Cecily were.
So with a deep, fortifying breath, I muster all my dwindling courage and do as my friends and Glyn told me to.
I take a chance.
NIKOLAI
Why the fuck is Bran here?
I mean, I know why.
Birthday Party.
Mia’s friend.
Whatever.
But why does he have to be here when I’m on my high? I’ve wanted nothing more than to be around my Lotus Flower for the past week, but the haze is blinding me. I might hurt him and I fucking refuse to do that.
So I kept my distance.
And here he is, looking all beautiful in his perfectly combed hair, perfectly buttoned shirt, and perfectly pressed pants.
Absolutely fucking perfect and I can’t fucking stand it. I might just listen to the voices and kidnap him if he doesn’t stop looking so perfect and put together.
But he’d be upset if I did that, so I do the next best thing. I make a scene to try and get him to leave so I can fucking breathe. I know he’s nothing like his psycho brother, but it’s what people think I’d have an issue with so I use it.
I expected Mia’s protests and defense of my Lotus Flower, but Jer and Kill’s were a surprise. Guess he hung out with more of my friends than I thought. And that thought fucking hurts. He'll hang out with them in public but not me?
The haze is getting stronger and the voices are getting louder.
I need him to fucking go.
Now.
I turn around to yell at one of the guards to do just that, I don’t trust myself not to hurt him, when I catch a glimpse of his eyes. I’d been avoiding looking at his face, because I didn’t wanna crack and kiss him in public. That’d be just fucking crazy right?
But the look in his eyes gives me pause. He looks…determined. Like he’s about to fight the hardest battle he’s ever been in.
I don’t even make a sound as he takes the couple steps it takes to close the distance between us, holding my hand up to stop the guards that were about to intervene.
I wanna see what he’s about to do.
As soon as we’re toe-to-toe, he looks up at me with those stupidly beautiful eyes and does the one thing I never thought he’d do.
Faster than I can react, he grabs the back of my neck and wrenches me down. And in front of ours friends, he kisses me.
He kisses me.
In public.
He’s kissing me in public.
The haze recedes to a gentle fog, not completely gone but enough that I can fucking think. Not that my brain is moving beyond my Lotus Flower’s lips on mine.
Kolya tries standing to attention, cause he’s a fucking attention whore like that.
‘Kolya, dude, chill out. Don’t think he’s ever going to be ready for exhibitionism.’
Not that I’d ever share him like that. The look on his face when he finally let’s go is only for me.
When we finally break apart, its to find that my hands had moved up to cup his face. His beautiful face with kiss swollen lips and flushed cheeks. Jesus fuck. Could this man be any more beautiful?
I take a second to gage his reaction. Cause, fuck me, he just did that in front of people. And not just any people, but one of his childhood friends and his fucking sister.
But he’s not panicking.
Instead he looks uncertain as he looks up at me. Like I’m gonna be pissed that he just did the one thing I’ve been wanting to do since day fucking one.
Not a chance.
So I lean in to feast on his lips, and I can feel the tension leave him. Feel him let go for just a moment.
When we break away a second time I lean in, pressing our foreheads together.
“You’re out?” I need to hear him say it.
“Yeah,” he looks me in the eyes when he says that, “I told them earlier today. I haven’t told everybody yet,” my heart freezes, only to thaw as he continues, “but mainly cause I want to tell them in person. I’ll deal with Lan when it comes to that, but.” Here he pauses and looks away, a sheepish look on his face. “I missed you this week. And I can’t keep letting my insecurity and irrational fears hurt you.”
Fucking fuck.
He’s so fucking adorable I gotta go in for another kiss.
But before I do, I feel my sister slapping my arm, trying to get my attention.
That’s when I remember that we have an audience.
I look up to see not just my sister there, but Jer and Kill too. All of them looking stunned, Mia more openly that the others. Cecily and Glyn are absolutely fucking beaming at the man I’m holding.
“Excuse you! When did this happen?” Mia says, hands flying in her excitement.
Bran coughs, looking embarrassed as he tried to bury himself into my side. My Baby might be slowly coming out, but he’s still a pretty private person. Ya’know, being British and all.
“A couple of months ago,” let him hide, I’ll be out and proud for the both of us.
“And you didn’t tell me?!”
Bran jumped in before I could answer.
“That was on me. I wasn’t yet comfortable with my sexuality, and I asked him to keep it a secret.” He looks pained as he admits that, so I pull him closer to me to plant a kiss on top of his head.
“And now?” Jer starts in, staring directly into Bran’s eyes. Daring him to lie to him.
“I’m still getting used to it. The only thing I know for certain is that he’s mine and I’ve already hurt him enough by being a coward.”
Bran doesn’t look away.
The two stare each other down, the atmosphere tense, before Jeremy nods.
“Fair enough,” Jer goes to clap me on the shoulder, “Good luck, man. You’re gonna need it.” He smirks as he takes Cecily over to the couches, Killian following behind with Glyn.
Mia continues to look between the two of us, smiling one of the biggest smiles I’ve ever seen on her.
“I think you two are absolutely adorable together, and I don’t know who to threaten.”
My Lotus Flower chuckles. “How about we just say you threatened us both and leave it at that, yeah?”
“Sounds good. Now come on! I’ve got a new game and I wanted to play it together.” She grabs his and starts dragging him to the game room, him locking our hands together so I’d follow behind.
Like I’d ever let him go.
He’s fucking mine.
He finally came out and now he’ll never be free of me. I’ll be with him of every second of every day. I’m gonna marry this man one day, I swear to fuck. We’ll deal with his psycho brother if and when the time comes, but for now?
For now, I’ll spend time with him while my sisters celebrate their birthday.
But when we get home, I’m gonna show him how fucking proud I am of him. And he’ll wear my marks. Because he’s fucking mine and finally the whole fucking world will know it.