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Garak watched curiously from a respectable distance as the runabout docked with Deep Space Nine. Apparently, they had gotten stuck temporarily in an alternate universe. A rather unfortunate habit that Starfleet seemed to be making. However, this time there was a fascinating new detail.
When he had gotten news of the runabout's disappearance, he had waited patiently for a sign that he was needed. Disappearances were unfortunately becoming common place for the officers of the station. In most cases is was simply some new discovery or dramatic tale and all was well in the end on its own. Not always though. Garak had long since hacked the stations communications to keep an eye for the more worrisome events. At least, those his skill set might be useful to, especially when they involved Doctor Julian Bashir as had today's misadventure.
Of course, he had nothing to offer this situation. By all reports everyone was completely unharmed. So, for all the strangeness of the situation, Garak would not normally be here. No, he would much rather cary on as usual and let the doctor regail him with tales of their grand adventures over lunch. Except something unusual had happened this time.
Jadzia Dax had sent him a personal message suggesting he might want to be there. She had been on the mission with Doctor Bashir, as had Miles Obrien. They were, as far as Garak knew, some of the doctor's closest friends on the station. And yet. And yet Dax's missive suggested that their dear doctor might need him instead.
A truly fascinating proposition.
So, there he was. Watching. Waiting. He kept his distance all the while. It wouldn't do to seem too eager. If the doctor truly was in a compromised state being too upfront might lead him to figure out that Garak had been asked for and might upset him further. Best to pose a mere friendly interest for now.
The doors opened and the three officers stepped back on board. As suggested in the report, no visible injuries. They all appeared perfectly unharmed.
Then his eyes landed on his partner. By all accounts Doctor Bashir seemed perfectly fine. Not an ounce of the exhaustion that settled over his compatriots. Ah. Now Garak could see why he'd been summoned. Something had clearly happened.
Opting to watch a moment longer, Garak waited until Julian spotted him across the small gathering of personel who'd shown up to check on the wellbeing of the three returning members. He could see the moment the professional presentation of Doctor Bashir was packed away and Julian was revealed. A trace of that exhaustion seeped into the human's eyes though they also seemed to brighten at the sight of him. The moment Julian was cleared by one of the nurses he made his way over to Garak.
"Hello Garak," Julian said with a faint smile.
Garak inclined his head slightly. "My dear Doctor, I must say, when I heard you'd gone on a day trip without me I felt quite left out. Surely you will be willing to tell me all about your adventures over dinner."
"I'd be happy to." Julian smiled though it didn't quite reach his eyes. Of course, it was nearly impossible to tell that the expression was fake but Garak thought he managed well enough.
It had been one of the things that drew him to Bashir initially. So few of the man's expressions and reactions had felt wholly genuine, especially in the early days. Then, one night, not long after they'd started properly courting, Julian had explained it to him. It was called masking. It wasn't a lie, not really. It was just a way to pass through social norms that didn't always mesh with what felt natural.
Julian had even speculated that it had been what caused his love of spy stories. It had been a coping mechanism, as a child, to pretend that all his hiding of his augmentation and his neurodiversity had actually been a secret spy mission and not just a necessary burden. When Garak had asked why he bothered doing it anymore since everyone knew about both and those likely to judge were long gone or easily ignored, Julian had brushed him off. It was just to much of a habit to put down now, he'd said.
Sometimes Garak believed it was more than that. It was perhaps the one shield his partner could rely on and it seemed he still needed it today. Garak could relate to that. Though his partner could often seem to be a web of contradictions, this made a strange sort of sense. For such a sincere believer in the Federation, truth was preferred, but a small lie like this wasn't really hurting anyone and it was the only sense of security left for a man who'd had all his secrets stripped bare time and time again. Julian had merely scoffed when Garak had suggested it.
Even with his understanding for such a shield, or mask as Julian put it, he wasn't pleased to see how firmly it stayed in place once it was just the two of them in Garak's quarters. He graciously let Julian speak about whatever frivolous nonsense they usually bickerred about over dinner until he could stand the mask no longer.
Leaning back on the couch Garak said, "Now my dear, do enlighten me about your little excursion. Find anything interesting?"
Julian tensed slightly and shrugged. "It wasn't particularly interesting to be honest. No danger. No daring escapes. This reality was quite similar to our own, though there were a few key differences."
"Such as?"
"Such as, in that reality Jadzia never joined with Dax. The Sisco over there was quite amused to see two good friends merged into one person." Julian smiled good naturedly. "Miles never served on the Enterprise there. Although him and Keiko still found each other, just a bit later than in our time line. It was interesting to see how much stayed the same despite it all."
"And what of you, Good Doctor?" Garak asked. "Am I to assume your counterpart was a dreadful scoundrel from your lack of mention of him?"
Something deeply sad settled behind Julian's eyes. "No. No he was lovely. Jules was lovely."
Garak tensed immediately. Julian had explained the significance of the name once and exactly once. The fact that he was using it now had... implications. Before he could properly respond Julian continued.
"He was still a doctor, you know. He joined later than I did and his grades weren't nearly as good, but still. He wasn't immediately chief CMO either, but he's expected to receive the promotion in the next year or so." Julian abruptly stood and began pacing the room. "He didn't hold eye contact like I can and of course his memory wasn't what mine is but he was brilliant. Is brilliant."
Julian clasped his hands behind his back on one particularly vicious turn about the room and continued. "We got to talking, him and me. Apparently when his parents tried to take him to Adigeon Prime there was a Starfleet raid of the facility. Our mother-"
Here Julian paused to close his eyes and take a breath before continuing. "His mother got cold feet and called in a tip, it would seem. He was never augmented. He was taken from his parents custody for many years before his mother was able to regain guardianship, but otherwise he was perfectly fine."
Garak's eyes widened with horror as he noticed the fine tremors that swept his lover's body. "Doctor, you're shaking."
"What?" Julian paused and unclasped his hands to look down at them. "Ah. So I am."
If Garak hadn't already been moving he might not have caught Julian as his legs gave out underneath him. Garak helped him over to the couch with a soft murmur of, "Easy. I've got you darling."
"I'll make tea," Garak said softly once his partner was safely situated.
He took a moment to gather his composure at the replicator before summoning two cups for them both. The glasses clinked gently against the living room table as they were set down. Such a mundane sound for a decidedly unordinary day. Julian picked up his cup delicately though he didn't drink. Instead he simply took a moment to breathe in the steam wafting up from the rim.
"Now," Garak said once they had settled next to each other. "Correct me if I'm wrong but it seems to me that you encountered a version of yourself who was never augmented and that's caused you to think yourself into a state. Care to tell me what this is about?"
Julian drummed his fingers against the porcelain of the cup. "He was happy. I... since I was fifteen I've wondered what I would be like if they hadn't... I wondered who Jules would be. It turns out he would be happy."
Garak's brow furrowed. "And that is a bad thing? Or are you unhappy by comparison?"
Julian startled at the question. "No. No, nothing like that. Well, yes, a little bit but-"
He rubbed a hand over his eyes and sighed. "He had a successful medical career. He had all the friends I have now and he got them twice as quickly. He even had you."
Garak chose to hold his tongue. He would let this train of thought play out. For now.
Hesitantly, Julian continued, "My parents always said that the augmentations were for my own good. I suppose I didn't realize how much I'd believed them until now. Seeing proof with my own eyes of just how... unnecessary they were..."
Julian closed his eyes and swallowed heavily. Quickly he set his cup down and raked a shaking hand through his hair.
With a sigh Garak shifted closer and wrapped and arm around his shoulders. "Do you suppose that what Tain did to me made me better?"
Julian flinched at the question. When he answered his words were soft but firm. "No. No I do not."
"Do you suppose it made me worse?" Garak did. He knew it did, but he also knew he and his dear doctor rarely saw eye to eye on these things.
A small smile flickered across Julian's lips. The answer was not quite the one Garak had been expecting but it was workable none the less. "No. Isolated maybe. Those sorts of things never bring any good, but you did. You made good from it. I wouldn't say you are worse for that."
Garak hummed thoughtfully. Here was his dear partner handing him the victory once again. "Then, my dear doctor, why would the same not apply to you? You have turned their ill will into good. You have saved lives. That you could have still done good without the pain is inconsequential. I could have still done good if I truly had been a simple gardener all those years ago. I still managed it now, in the face of what I have, as you put it, 'survived."'
Julian pressed his face against his partners neck ridges and huffed. "I suppose you may have a point. I just... I mourn him, I suppose. I mourn who Jules could have been in this life if they hadn't... killed him to make me."
"Ah." Garak stroked the doctor's arm gently. "But then I would never have met you. I know you said he still had me, which I do think you should take as proof of my affection in any reality, but still, I find myself quite enamored with this version of you. Besides, my dear, is it not nice to know that he does live in some world or another without having gone through what you did?"
Garak could feel Julian's smile against his neck. The faint warm breath of a response sent shivers down his spine. "Yes. I suppose you are right about that. It was lovely to meet him. I did adore him so."
Then the smile vanished. "It was awful though. Wasn't it? What they did to him here."
Garak closed his eyes in grief for a moment, knowing Julian couldn't see. "Yes. Yes, my dear, it was and now you have proof. You will never again have to doubt how wrong they were to do it."
"Thank you," Julian whispered.
"Oh, my dear doctor, I couldn't think of any place I'd rather be," Garak teased. He felt a victorious thrill settle in his chest when the smile returned.
Julian's response was open and earnest as the man was wont to do. "Neither could I Garak. Neither could I."