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Through the halls of Eden’s Garden, another murder had taken place. As the body discovery announcement kicked on, everyone split into pairs to begin investigating, Kai of course clinging to Damon, but this time seeming different.
Kai sighs deeply as he investigates with Damon, something bigger than them weighing on his chest.
“D-damon?” Kai asks shakily.
“What?” Damon replies with his usual bluntness. He was occupied looking around a dark room with a flashlight for clues.
“I have something to tell you” Kai’s voice still shook as he talked.
“Is it important to the investigation or just a waste of my time?” Damon replies, still not looking at Kai.
“It-it’s really important.”
Damon turns around and faces Kai with the flashlight, finally able to see the other.
“Spit it out”. He says dropping the sternness to his tone ever so slightly, something Kai always appreciates as he noticed Damon only does it around him. Something Kai is really really going to miss.
Tears well in Kai’s eyes ever so slightly.
“Dude what is it??” Damon’s voice now more urgent, cause why the hell was Kai crying?
Kai sniffles clutching his pants. “Damon…i’m so so sorry”.
“Kai you’re freaking me out now what is it??” Damon clutches the flashlight, his fingertips turning white from digging into it slightly.
Kai trembles and rests his palms on his knees, taking a deep breath. “….I-It was me”.
Damon blinks in confusion. “What?”
“I did it, I-I killed Diana…” Kai barely breathes out, not daring to look at Damon, his voice raspy.
Damon stands silent for a second, not believing this for a second.
“Kai no you didn’t, why are you lying this is nonsense we don’t have time for your games!” Damon turns back around to investigate the room.
“I’m not playing around!! Damon I-…i’m sorry” Kai spits out urgently.
Damon has grown to know Kai well, observed him more than anyone else at this Academy, he knows that tone he’s not lying but he how the hell is he supposed to believe that.
He slowly turns around and shines the flashlight to see his face and there it was, an honest scared expression. Damon feels his fist clench around the flashlight again, even more this time. He stares at Kai, his mind betraying him. Everything he’s ever known about Kai points that he’d never be a killer, but also that Kais being completely honest right now and it feels as if two sides of his brain are fighting with one another.
“Kai don’t kid around about shit like that!”
Kai flinches, Damon’s tone so serious. “….Damon I-please please don’t hate me i’m sor-sorry” he suddenly clasped a hand over his mouth and can’t hold back the sobs anymore. He grabs the wall next to him to prevent from buckling over.
Damon steps back, his mind racing. Nononononono no he thinks to himself. Suddenly nothing makes sense, he’s not believing this but- how can those tears be fake?? He knows Kai’s dramatic fake cry and this isn’t it!! His feet feel like heavy weights on the ground, he has to use strength to even take one step towards Kai.
Every inch of his body feels like pins and needles and Damon doesn’t quite understand why, he’s never experienced this before or cared this much about anyone, he didn’t even cry until he saw Eva get executed.
“You couldn’t have, why are you crying??” Damon stares at the bundle of tears before him, he doesn’t understand his own or Kai’s feelings.
Kai lets out apologies through his shaky sobs, which only pisses Damon off.
He can’t take it anymore and suddenly grabs Kais collar, dropping the flashlight in the proces. He stands Kai up. Every bone in Damon’s body is thundering with vibrations of confusion and rage, and to his dismay worry.
“WHY ARE YOU CRYING HUH?? I DONT HAVE TIME FOR YOUR GAMES YOU DIDNT KILL HER!!” Damon shouts out, surprising Kai more than when Damon grabbed his shirt collar.
Damon’s never one to shout or lose his temper like this, he’s never felt this sense of urgency? Rage? He doesn’t know.
Kai tries to speak through his sobs but can barely manage the words to even come to his throat, something traps them right there on the edge.
“ANSWER ME” Damon snaps
Kai has never seen this side of Damon before. Over the past few months he even remembers Damon saying during debating you have to keep calm and not let emotions overtake you, so seeing this Kai’s plagued with immense guilt.
“Damon I-It’s true” He finally looks at Damon in the eye, his pupils dilated and full of panic and tears.
Damon’s face concocts into one Kais never seen. Is that fear in his eyes? Concern? Kai feels his heart drop to his chest.
Damon grips Kais collar tighter, rattling him with his own trembling hands. “NO YOURE LYING, WHY???”
“Damon i’m so sorry- so so so sorry please-“ Kai cries it out.
“WHY HUH?? EVEN IF YOU DID WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME NOW???”
“Damon i’m sorry- please you have to understand-”
“UNDERSTAND WHAT?????!?!”
“I had to!!!! Please don’t hate me, don’t I need you please!” Kai pleads, now gripping Damon’s hands still placed on his collar.
“I DONT UNDERSTAND STOP THIS KAI PLEASE THIS ISNT TRU-“ Damon tries to shove Kais hands off his own.
“IT IS TRUE DAMON! I KNOW I KNOW I HATE IT I HATE MYSELF BUT I- I WAS TERRIFIED OKAY TOZU SAID AFTER EVA HED PICK SOMEBODY NEW TO BE HIS HELPER I COULDNT DO IT NO ONE COULD AND IF I DIDNT DO SOMETHING WHO KNOWS IM SORRY” Kai stands his ground, knowing it’s not an excuse and trying to rattle a good sounding answer to keep gripping Damons hand while being honest. Ever since there first day a few months ago he’s been incapable of lying to Damon.
“SO YOU FUCKING KILLED JUST SO YOU WOULDNT HAVE TO HELP HIM AND MARA??! YOURE GONNA DIE KAI WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU WERE DOIN-“
“I THINK I WAS PROTECTING YOU-AND EVERYONE ELSE”
“WHAT??” Damon’s eyes widen.
“HE WAS GONNA PICK YOU I HEARD HIM!!!”
“WHY DO YOU CARE SO MUCH ABOUT PROTECTING ME NOW YOURE GOING TO DIE KAI!!” Damon doesn’t even care or question what Tozu said right now, he just wants to understand Kais motive.
“BECAUSE IM IN LOVE WITH YOU FUCK IF IM GONNA DIE MIGHT AS WELL DIE WITH YOU SAFE AND YOU KNOWING THE TRUTH, THATS WHY I TOLD YOU NOW” Kai blurts out.
Damon clenches Kais collar even harder, his nails digging into the fabric hard enough it could rip. Any emotion you can think of all comes up in that moment, it’s overwhelming and nauseating. Damon wants to run, to not believe Kai is the blackened. The confession throws him off and he can’t help but think it’s a decoy, but that doesn’t stop his own deep feelings he’s hid so deep from now spurting out and he’d be lying if he wasn’t hoping it was true.
His face twists, looking at Kai with eyes of hurt and hatred but more for his own self.
“You-you don’t, don’t lie about something like that”. Damon’s voice turns into shaky whispers.
Kai places his hand atop Damon’s cheek, making him look him in the eyes as tears fall down Kai’s cheeks.
“Damon, I’d never lie about something like that, ever” replies Kai as honest as he can sound.
Damon flinches slightly when he feels Kai’s cold fingertips across his cheek. He has no choice but to look into Kai’s eyes. Somehow he’s more worried and surprised about this sudden confession rather than the murder at hand. Every emotion he’s dragged down to the deepest pit of his stomach sense he’s met Kai suddenly comes back out. In some twisted alternate reality where this wasn’t Kai also confessing a murder and just confessing his feelings to Damon, Damon actually feels happy. With everything going on he doesn’t even have time to give himself the pity party of why he first tried to shake his feelings for Kai down in the first place (like that he can’t be gay), now he just feels, for once in his life, speechless.
Kai’s always had a way of making Damon feel things he’s never felt.
Damon breathes out an airy laugh, he can’t help the slight sincere smile that comes across his face as he looks at Kai. Kai laughs along with Damon, rubbing his thumb across his cheek.
They both look at each other for a few moments, both never seeing this side of one another and no one else has ever either. They enjoy the comfortable silence, it feels as if time stops and everything else doesn’t exist. The dimly lit flashlight still discarded on the ground still lights up their faces in the dark.
But the silent moment is abruptly interrupted, as if everything, with an ear blazing ring.
Tozus voice comes over the loudspeaker.
“Times up, the investigation is now complete. All students please make your way to the designated trial grounds, oh this is gonna be a fun one!”
Those words practically ring in the two boys ears. Damon feels like he’s suffocating. Everything comes back to him and he can’t believe this is really happening.
Kai smiles at Damon and begins to pull his hand away and that was probably the worst feeling ever because Damon will NOT let him let go.
“NO, no I just lost Eva, i'm not losing you too Kai!!” Tears escape Damon’s lips as he shakily grips Kai’s hand against his cheek with all his force.
Kai’s tears never halt, but neither does his smile. How can he smile at a time like this??
“Damon, I have to go” exclaims Kai as he tries to pull away again no matter how much he doesn’t want to.
Usually Kai is the one freaking out and Damon’s the calm one, but now Kai is calmly smiling while Damon’s bloodshot eyes fill the room. Kai knows what he’s done, he doesn’t wanna let go but he knows he has to or else Damon will die too, and now that he’s confessed he feels more fearless and that he can now go, but Damon’s having none of it.
“NO, NO YOU DONT!” his voice cracks with a loud sob.
Memories from the last few months flood Damon’s brian as he clings to Kai’s arm like a child. The time Damon rescued his ring, all the visits to the dining hall together, there stupid fights at first of who got bed privileges, which later turned into cuddling sessions neither one of them mentioned. The late night talks of opening up to one another, all the free time they spent together, Kai trying to teach Damon about technology and Damon trying to convince Kai to try new foods and not be so picky. Everything overwhelmingly comes back to him and he can’t believe he’s going to lose all of this, all it takes is a few steps and once the trial starts it’ll all be gone, he doesn’t think he can live without Kai in their bedroom.
Kai’s heart breaks at Damon’s sob. He wraps his arms tightly around Damon. Damon would usually freeze and want to run, but he clings to Kai like a dying animal and sobs hard for the first time in years. The two boys both feel each other's stomachs rise with sobs but don’t mention it, not letting go, but Kai knows he has to. He pulls back ever so slightly and cups Damon’s cheek again smiling brightly. He doesn’t care anymore, he wants to do this before he dies.
He pushes his lips against Damon’s. The kiss is deep but not sensual, it’s a deep goodbye. Damon pauses for a second, this is now how he wanted this to go, but he doesn’t pull away. He wraps his arms tighter around Kai’s shoulders and Kisses him back, tears streaming out. They hold for a long time, until Kai again weakly tries to let go.
Damon looks at him and lets out one more pitifully sob.
“Kai, I won’t vote for you, i’ll use my debate skills to make sure the others don’t vote for you!”
Kai frowns. “Damon no!! Then you’ll all die, you have to live!!” Kai declares urgently.
“No, nono there’s no point if you’re not with me” Damon doesn’t even care what he’s saying anymore, every secret thought is coming out now.
Kai rubs his thumbs along Damon’s cheek one final time gently wiping away tears in the process.
“Damon, i'm always with you!” He plants a gentle kiss to his nose. “As my dying wish, live!”
Damon loses it and lets out another loud sob. He grabs Kai into one final kiss before the two hear another announcement. Kai sighs, he can’t believe it but he now knows it’s his time. Maybe not the time he was originally supposed to die in his life, but it’s his time now. He backs away from Damon, his hands sliding off his cheeks last.
Damon holds out his hand as he watches Kai already opening the door handle, he wants to scream and run and not let him go but his legs won’t let him walk. He feels betrayed by his own body.
Kai turns around and smiles. “I love you Damon” he gives a finger heart, wiping his tears before fully pushing open the door and letting himself leave.
Damon stands frozen. “…I love you too Kai”. He whispers, still a minute before his legs finally let him move and he walks to the trial grounds. He doesn’t want to, but as Kai’s final wish to him,
…he’ll live!!