Archive of Our Own

For an eternity, he was one with the infinite expanse of calm and silence weaving the Milky Way. For millennia, he was just another silent, sleeping star, savouring the rest and peace of his death.

One moment, he was gone.

And the next, the pain exploded through his body as his back slammed violently into the ground, squeezing all the oxygen from his lungs and abruptly restarting his heart.

Viktor rolled onto his side, cowering in shock, and his cry of pain strangled in his throat into a muffled wail. Panic overcame his senses, adrenalin silencing the rationality that told him to simply breathe. He buried his face in the grass, panting, his body shaking with irrepressible tremors, and concentrated on the damp sensation on his forehead and the musky scent of the earth, refusing to give in to his primal instincts.

Gradually, the pain eased and oxygen began to flow to his brain.

Alright. One thing at a time.

Viktor had never believed in life after death. People lived and then died, it was as simple as that. And yet, here he was, suffering. Which meant that he existed in some form and that, obviously, he'd been wrong, and rather badly.

Therefore, he had to be in Hell.

He hadn't imagined ending up in Heaven after almost destroying the world and he knew that Hell was meant to be painful and full of suffering... But he hadn't expected it to be so... real.

Viktor blinked, trying to adjust the blurred veil over his eyes, but it only made him feel a wave of nausea and he gave up with a grunt. Fine. Sight obviously wasn't coming back with the same violence as touch. What about the other senses?

He inhaled as deeply as he could and recognised the scent of several flowers

Smell, check.

Taste - he winced as he recognised the metallic aftertaste of blood on his tongue – check.

Hearing…

The sounds were slightly muffled and at first all Viktor could hear was a high-pitched ring in his eardrums as well as the frantic beating of his own heart. But after a few minutes, he recognised the sound of the wind running its fingers through the branches and caressing his face, which made him shiver with cold. He also recognised the chirping of crickets and concluded that perhaps Hell wasn't as terrible as he had thought.

Viktor sat up slowly, his bones and stiff muscles screaming with every movement, and he slowly opened his eyes again. He was sitting in a vast field of flowers, and a huge mountain range covered the horizon. And all he was wearing was the blanket tied into a toga, the same one Jayce had put over his shoulders an eternity before. Hell was definitely full of surprises.

Viktor clenched his fists on the fabric before absent-mindedly running a thumb over the slightly frayed edge, a gesture that brought him an almost immediate sense of relief. He didn't know who was in charge of the place, but he was grateful to have this trace of his past life, the symbol of their affection, with him. In the end, it wasn't so bad, at least for the moment…

A flash of pain zipped along his hip, making Viktor cower again and he let out a grunt. Well, perhaps he'd been a little too optimistic. Hell was still a punishment: his leg still had to make him suffer in penance in this almost idyllic setting.

Viktor looked up at the stars in the inky sky... and frowned. The constellations were the same as those above Piltover... Just as he was mentally drawing the Pleiades and other geometric shapes, something landed on his waist and he jumped violently, trying to flee from the contact... But his legs immediately gave way as the thing on his hip pulled him down and he rolled back onto the ground with a stifled gasp.

Except he didn't hit the grass or the flowers.

The ground was warm and throbbed under his cheek.

And it smelt very different from the earth.

Stunned, Viktor's eyes widened and he sat up – or rather tried to sit up. And right in front of him, Jayce's face lit up with a radiant smile. "We dit it.

- Jay-…"

Viktor's voice choked in his throat as his partner hugged him and burst out laughing, a laugh that quickly turned into a hybrid sound between joy and tears. Crushed against Jayce's chest, his breath almost taken away by the violence of the embrace, Viktor was at first completely speechless, horrified even. He deserved to end up here and suffer forever, but not Jayce! This was a mistake! He couldn't be here!

Viktor tried to escape his embrace, but when Jayce released his grip on his back, it was only to cup his face with his hands and kiss him as if his life depended on it. All his resolve crumbled at the touch and a wave of warmth pulsed through Viktor's chest, spreading throughout his body. Relief and happiness chased away worry, replaced questions, and for those few seconds, his world was made up entirely of Jayce.

Jayce and his hands on his face.

Jayce laughing and crying under the stars.

And if he could kiss him like that and be by his side, that meant they couldn't be in Hell, but in Heaven.

"How..." Viktor searched for words, his breath coming in short gasps. "How do you feel?

- As if I'd been beaten for hours by Noxian soldiers. You?"

Viktor shrugged. "Same here... I suppose."

Jayce ran a hand over his partner's face and through his hair, all the while watching him with a look of admiration and wonder. Then, he winced. "I think my leg's still injured…

- I guess we complement each other now."

Looking down, Viktor realised that, unlike him, Jayce was fully dressed and wearing the clothes he had worn for the battle. Viktor absent-mindedly ran his hand over his drawn face, broken by hardship and loneliness, and he felt his throat knot up as he saw the marks of his own fingertips adorning Jayce's forehead…

It's all my fault…

"The beard suits you," he said instead.

- Not as well as purple suits you."

Surprised, Viktor realised that his right hand was made of flesh again, and he straightened up to look at his body, flabbergasted to see it so pale and weak after spending months in an enhanced shell. He understood what Jayce meant when he finally noticed a few purple highlights on his skin, echoes left by his connection with the Arcane and the Hexcore. And from the way Jayce was tenderly brushing his cheeks and forehead, he assumed his face was partially covered in them too.

"To think I'd just got used to my new body…

- I imagine it must be unsettling.

- To say the least," Viktor added, observing his palm from every angle.

The silence that followed his statement seemed strangely long and he turned his attention back to Jayce, who was watching him with round eyes. "Jayce?

- Nothing, it's just... You look gorgeous."

Viktor felt his face heat up and he looked away, grumbling. "You must have landed on your head.

- No I didn't! You've always been gorgeous, I just didn't have the courage to tell you before!"

Viktor rolled his eyes, as much in an attempt to hide his embarrassment as to escape for a moment from an embarrassing situation he was not accustomed to. It was then that he noticed that the rune was no longer embedded in Jayce's skin and that it had left a clear scar on the inside of his wrist. Viktor brushed against it with his fingertips, as if afraid of hurting him. He followed the bluish lines on Jayce's skin, like veins drawn with a brush in cracks on his arm. "Does it hurt?

- Not really, it's just..." A shiver covered his arm with goose bumps. "A little sensitive."

Viktor nodded and made a mental note of it, a researcher's reflex he probably wouldn't be able to get rid of even in the afterlife. "How did we get here?

- I've no idea. I closed my eyes before the explosion and when I opened them again, you were sitting next to me."

Jayce sat up slowly, a grimace on his face, and he resolutely propped his partner up on his thighs to keep him as close as possible. He looked up, frowning as he also recognised the stars, before his gaze slid over the flowers and his eyes widened. "I know this place…

- I feel like I do too," added Viktor, "but it doesn't make sense: I've never ventured out of Piltover.

- I've been here before. I'm sure of..."

At that moment, Jayce froze and suddenly stiffened. His eyes widened and he grabbed Viktor's shoulders with such violence that he gasped. "Jayce?"

Jayce's forehead was suddenly covered in sweat and his breath was short. His eyes furiously scanned his surroundings with an almost manic haste, as if he was looking for something. Horrified by his sudden panic, Viktor framed his partner's face and forced him to look at him. "Jayce, it's all right. Breathe with me, okay?"

Jayce shivered under his palms, his pupils narrowed, then, slowly, he breathed in, his eyes locked in Viktor's, clinging to them with all his might... And images came to Viktor, blurred flashes that momentarily took his breath away.

A green sky covered in clouds.

A tower adorned in coloured filaments.

Ghostly silhouettes standing out in a paralysed crowd.

Smooth ivory faces twisting with terrifying noises.

Viktor didn't allow himself to succumb to the panic that had just taken hold of his stomach. He absolutely had to stay in control to guide his partner through his anxiety attack.

"You're here with me. Everything is alright. You saved the world."

Jayce's hands left his shoulders and clutched his wrists so tightly that, in other circumstances, Viktor would have winced. But he just breathed in slowly, telling his partner to do the same. "Breathe with me."

Jayce breathed in as hard as he could, as deeply as he could, and after several minutes his body relaxed and his eyes came back into focus.

"I'm sorry," he gasped, "I thought... I thought I saw…

- I know," Viktor reassured him, running a hand through his hair with soothing gestures.

Although the bond was weaker than in the astral plane, it was still strong enough to allow Viktor to access Jayce's mind. They would have to do some tests, but he had the feeling that he had seen these images because his partner had felt violent emotions that he couldn't control, thus weakening the barriers in his mind.

"It's all right," he repeated, "I'm here."

Jayce let out a broken sigh and rested his forehead against his partner's collarbone, his eyes closed. Viktor let him, his hand still brushing Jayce's hair and his body savouring the touch of his hands on his back. Even when his right leg started to hurt, he refused to move and break contact, patiently waiting for Jayce to feel ready to open his eyes again.

Finally, he straightened up and sighed: "Thank you…

- You're welcome.

- I think... I think I'm going to need a bit of time to get this under control.

- We've got all eternity ahead of us, don't worry."

They would have to think together about what was causing these panic attacks, what stimuli they should avoid in the future to avoid plunging him into such a state of distress. It seemed a little too real and a little too painful for them to be in the Heaven he had heard about. Was there a third option? Some sort of ‘basic’ afterlife?

Jayce shifted slightly before pointing to something behind Viktor's back, who craned his neck in the hope of following his gaze, but ended up leaving his lap and sitting next to him. He paled as he detailed the tall building in the distance. "Is that…

- Piltover's main tower," Jayce confirmed, nodding. His hand grasped Viktor's, as if he couldn't bear to break contact. "I know where we are, V: this is where the ma-... Where you brought me and my mum when I was a kid!"

So that was why Viktor had felt he knew this place: having shared Jayce's memories and feelings, he'd assimilated this place as something he'd experienced... It was.…

"Incredible!"

Unfortunate…

Viktor was unable to share Jayce's enthusiasm. If they weren't in Hell or in Heaven, it was because they were alive, spat out by the Arcane and the rune stone that had sucked them in.

And if he was alive, that meant he had to bear the weight of his guilt.

No…

To his right, Jayce was marvelling, theorising about how they'd ended up here, but Viktor remained unmoved, his face bloodless and his eyes fixed on the tower. Relief had faded, happiness had been blown away by the horror and the memories of his actions. His heart was racing again, his leg throbbing painfully, his vision blurring.

No, no, no, no…

"V ? Are you all right?"

Viktor flinched as Jayce placed his hands on his shoulders. His partner's worried face replaced the view of Piltover but he couldn't shake the knot in his stomach. He would have liked to smile, but he only managed to nod with mechanical gestures, unable to articulate a single word before long. "I'm fine... I simply don't understand. We should... We should have died.

- I thought this was the end too, but it seems like fate has chosen to give us a second chance."

Jayce rose slowly to his feet and helped him stand among the flowers and stars, but Viktor couldn't match his radiant, hopeful smile. On the contrary, the look of relief and satisfaction on Jayce's face made him clench his teeth and swallow hard.

A second chance?

Him?

He didn't deserve it. He shouldn't have survived. Those moments in his astral plane should have been his last, an explosion of emotions before the end. Instead, he was alive, forced to live with the weight of his actions and the deaths of hundreds of people on his conscience.

"What did you say?"

Viktor blinked. "I didn't say anything."

Jayce was about to say something but he suddenly looked down, obviously attracted by something, and his hand plunged into the field of flowers to emerge with a small blue stone. "It's the rune. It seems to have transported us here."

Viktor pursed his lips and frowned as he observed the stone. He'd never thought he could feel anger towards an object, and yet it seemed he'd been reduced to this. He understood that the rune had saved Jayce, but what right did it have to save him ? Viktor didn't deserve salvation, he didn't deserve a second chance. He had no right to live when so many innocent people had died because of him.

Another shiver ran through him and, after watching him for a strangely long second, Jayce briskly took his thick coat off. "You must be cold."

They froze for a moment, transported months back in time by those few words, and a wave of excruciating regret caught Viktor by the throat, momentarily taking his breath away. Eyes downcast, all happiness gone from his body, it took him a few seconds before he nodded slowly, arms folded across his chest. "A little, yes…"

These three words immediately seemed to reassure Jayce and he smiled before placing his long coat on his partner's shoulders. Viktor held back a sigh of relief as warmth spread through his aching muscles and as Jayce's scent surrounded him in a delicate, soothing embrace. He had almost forgotten what it was like to feel cold, to feel warm, to feel his heart race at the recognition of a fragrance or at the thought of wearing a garment belonging to the man he had loved for so long. He had gone months without feeling anything, neither emotions nor physical sensations, and he was savouring this reunion with unfeigned emotion.

But Viktor soon felt ridiculous in that coat, which was far too heavy and too big for him, and he smiled. "I'm literally drowning in this... coat?"

His sentence died slowly on a puzzled murmur: facing him, Jayce's eyes had widened and his face had taken on an almost alarming shade of crimson.

"...What is it," Viktor asked, slightly alarmed, "is there a problem?"

His partner remained silent for another two long seconds, detailing him from head to toe under his thick coat with its too-long sleeves and too-wide shoulders, and when his pupils dilated slightly, Viktor felt a very different wave of heat spread across his cheeks.

He wanted to put his hands on his waist.

He wanted to hold him close.

He wanted to bury his face in his throat and smell his own scent on Viktor's skin.

He wanted to carve his name into his soul so that the whole world would know that they belonged together.

Oh gods, he wanted, wanted, wanted…

Disorientated by the intensity of these thoughts, it took Viktor a few seconds to understand that what he had just seen were no longer memories, but... Desires.

His face flushed, Viktor instinctively closed the coat's flaps with one hand, his eyebrows furrowed, while he snapped his fingers with his other hand, right under his partner's nose. "Focus."

Jayce blinked and shook his head. "Yes! Yes of course. Sorry."

Viktor clicked his tongue in an exasperated ‘tsk’ as Jayce hobbled closer to place a hand on his shoulder. "We should look for somewhere to spend the night. If I remember correctly, there was an alpine hut in that direction, that's where my mum and I decided to rest.

- I hope it's still or already there…

- What do you mean?

- We know where we are, but we don't know when we are."

Jayce nodded slowly before turning his gaze to the city in the distance, as if looking for clues. From where they were standing, they couldn't make out the Hexgate, but that didn't mean it didn't exist yet or that it didn't exist anymore. They would have had to get several kilometres closer to be certain. So, for now, they were wandering in a strange time bubble, both present and absent from the world.

"Come on," Jayce put an arm behind his back for support, "we'll figure this out later."

They set off slowly, leaning on each other to lighten the weight on their injured legs, and this allowed Viktor to see that his breathing wasn't painful anymore. While the Arcane had not seen fit to heal him completely, it had clearly had an effect on his illness: either it had returned to a less advanced stage or Viktor was completely cured. He wouldn't hold out too much hope for his condition, but at least he had the satisfaction of not being out of breath after a three minutes' walk... Well... He was after four minutes, but that was mainly due to his lack of physical condition. And the fact that his leg, like Jayce's, ended up making him suffer horribly without a crutch.

After a few wanderings and hesitations, they reached an alpine hut and both sighed: this walk had been a real ordeal for their injured legs and they were in desperate need of a rest. "I have to admit," Viktor gasped painfully between ragged breaths, "your memory amazes me, Talis.

- As if you didn't already know it was excellent."

Jayce pushed the door open, and the knot in Viktor's stomach loosened slightly when he saw that the hut was thankfully empty. He wouldn't have had the strength to face an audience and have to respect the rules of social interaction.

And above all, he wouldn't have put up with their hatred, legitimate though it was.

So Viktor breathed a relieved sigh and closed the door behind him while Jayce quickly - and even a little feverishly - took stock of the supplies and equipment available. Once he'd gone round the small building, Jayce limped back to him and placed two cans by the fireplace. "Well, there's more than enough logs to last us the night," he explained, "fortunately there's also enough canned food, so we won't have to hunt for our dinner."

Viktor could hear Jayce's voice shaking, but he didn't understand why. But before he could even think about it, new flashes assailed him.

The memory of hunger, of that monster tearing at his insides and making his limbs shake.

The resigned fury with which he pounced on his first prey, on the colourful lizards haunting the cave.

The disgust, then the horror as disgust turns to relief with each passing ‘meal’.

The salt of his tears seasoning the stringy flesh.

Viktor raised his hand to his forehead and had to lean against the door to keep from fainting. Immediately, Jayce was at his side, supporting him by the shoulders and scanning his face with terrified eyes. "Viktor, are you all right?

- I'm fine... I just got dizzy."

He pinched the bridge of his nose, grounding himself in his own body and struggling to chase away the feeling of hunger that wasn't his own. He blinked once or twice and the look of pure concern on Jayce's face broke his heart. Viktor brushed his partner's cheekbones, unable to look at the marks he himself had left on his forehead.

"What about you? How are you feeling?

- You're the one who just nearly fainted, you don't have to worry about me.

- I think I do, Jayce."

His partner winced, his eyebrows furrowed in incomprehension. "I'm fine, Viktor.

- I'm not so sure," Viktor replied cautiously. He searched for words for a moment, wanting to avoid rushing Jayce at all costs. "I think that, after our mental connection in the astral plane, the bond didn't quite break.

- So you feel it too?"

Viktor paled slightly. "What do you mean, ‘too’?

- You too have access to my mind?"

They remained silent for a long second and Viktor had to fight his thoughts to prevent them from spiralling out of control. "If my... theory is correct," he continued, "I only experience them when your emotions are intense. I can't read your mind, but I know you were afraid you wouldn't be able to eat anything decent.

- Wait, you're experiencing them?

- ...Aren't you?"

Jayce shook his head. "It's only happened once or twice so I'm not sure yet, but I felt like I could hear you during an emotional moment. I only caught a few words, but I knew you were worried, uneasy even."

Viktor cursed himself inwardly, cursed the Arcane and its poisoned gifts, and counted his breaths to avoid letting himself be carried away by panic. "It's nothing," he lied, "I'm just worried about you."

And that wasn't a lie. But he couldn't let Jayce discover his thoughts. He couldn't put that extra burden on him. Fortunately for him, his partner didn't insist and simply nodded. "You don't have to worry about me. Come and sit down while I make a fire.

- I can do it.

- I don't doubt it, I've just had more practice."

Viktor didn't argue further, simply letting Jayce lead him towards the bench in front of the fireplace - fortunately for their aching legs, cushions and thick blankets were piled on top of it, making it relatively comfortable. All the furniture was made of wood, which was an incredible change after a life spent in Zaun and Piltover, where metal was king. After opening the two cans Jayce handed him, Viktor curled up, hugging his knees to his chest, and tried to take stock of their situation while regaining control of his emotions.

There was a calendar on the wall and its pages where certainly turned by the hut's owner at each visit to fill the cupboards with canned food. And if he was to believe this meagre clue, they weren't in the past or in some horribly distant future.

They'd woken up at least six months after the battle.

Which meant that everyone Jayce cared about was still alive.

If they survived, that is.

Viktor swallowed painfully and banished this vile thought along with the nausea that had accompanied it. Immediately, he saw Jayce's shoulders tense and his gaze turn towards him, and Viktor did the first thing he could think of to silence his mind. He bit his cheek hard, hard enough to draw blood – look at that, I can bleed again - and to distract him from his thoughts. So when Jayce faced him with a reproachful pout, Viktor shrugged, a terribly fake sheepish smile on his lips. "Clumsy me.

- Like I'm going to fall for that. I know you're doing it on purpose," Jayce grumbled before turning his attention back to the fireplace.

Viktor held back a relieved sigh: as long as Jayce was awake, he wouldn't be able to panic or come up with a plan to escape. Because he couldn't stay. He couldn't chain his partner to him when life was offering him a chance to go back to his mother, to Caitlyn, to Mel... His heart knotted slightly and he absent-mindedly massaged his sternum. He'd never realised how much his worries took over his mind, but having to watch them so that Jayce wouldn't pick on them had opened his eyes.

In the end, being deprived of his emotions had been a real liberation.

Gods, what he would have given to regain one hundredth of the calm he had felt back then.

As the thought crossed his mind, Viktor suddenly understood why Jayce's emotions were affecting him so much: he hadn't experienced such intense sensations for ages. His brain and body had become accustomed to emptiness and, when he experienced his partner's memories, he was plunged into a true emotional storm. He was simply no longer equipped to deal with them.

Viktor's guilt swelled another notch when his gaze wandered to Jayce's injured leg, when he was reminded of the suffering his partner had undergone because of him... He curled up even more, digging his nails into the new skin of his legs.

"I'm so sorry, Jayce…

- You have nothing to apologise for. You're not responsible."

Viktor pursed his lips. "You know I am.

- You're not, because you didn't ask for this to happen. And neither did I.

- That's not a good enough reason. You've suffered so much because of me, and I'm the reason you're here and not with the people you love."

Jayce turned, looked at him for a long moment, then whispered. "I'm with the one I love because I chose to. Not because you forced me."

Viktor swallowed his answer, emotion cutting him off. But he couldn't stop his mind from thinking.

I'm a monster.

It's my fault.

All my fault.

"It's not your fault.

- I've done horrible things, Jayce. I have the blood of hundreds of people on my hands.

-You weren't yourself, you were controlled by the Hexcore.

- Not entirely, no. You know that: you were in my mind."

Panic swelled again, impossible to control, impossible to silence, and immediately Jayce was kneeling in front of Viktor, neglecting the pain in his leg and clasping his hands in his. "That's precisely why I'm convinced of what I'm saying. You wanted to do the right thing, you wanted to heal all the suffering in the world. If I hadn't merged the Hexcore with you, you'd never have gotten this far. It's because this thing was in your head that it convinced you this was the best way to act. I know that's true, because once you were free of its grip, you immediately decided to back off, as I knew you would.

- That doesn't change the fact that I killed those people. It doesn't change the fact that I hurt you.

- It does because now you're you again, you're aware of it and you regret it, which just goes to show that you weren't completely in control of your actions. I know you blame yourself, but you have to know that I can never blame you."

Their foreheads touched and a shaky sigh passed Viktor's lips. "I don't deserve you.

- Of course you do. I'll prove it to you every day from now on because I love you."

Viktor would have liked to answer faster, but the words got stuck in his throat, choked by his shame and regret, so that when they finally escaped him, they were lower and hoarser than he would have imagined. "I love you too."

They stayed like that for a few seconds before Jayce placed a kiss on his right hand and returned in front of the fireplace. When his leg got painful again, Viktor let his naked feet find the cold ground again, his heart knotted with apprehension. He was genuinely touched by his partner's words, but he couldn't believe them. He couldn't trust Jayce because his blind love prevented him from seeing the sad and ugly truth: Viktor was a murderer and he was responsible for Jayce's misfortunes, but his partner wouldn't realise it as long as he was convinced he loved him.

Viktor had to free him from his grip at all costs, allow him to return to a normal life far from his crimes.

And to do that, he had to leave as soon as possible and disappear while there was still time.

When flames began to dance on the logs, Jayce stood up, hissing in pain, and Viktor held out his arms to him, an invitation and a command at the same time. His partner didn't resist and sat at his feet, wedging himself between his legs and facing the fire. Jayce let out a long sigh and let his head roll back onto Viktor's thigh, clearly exhausted by all the effort, but he relaxed slightly when Viktor's fingers ran through his hair with soothing gestures.

"You should sit on the bench," Viktor scolded him in a falsely reproving tone.

"I think I just need to rest my knee for a second…"

The fingers froze before withdrawing and Viktor slowly pulled himself away to slide down beside him with a grunt. "Now that you mention it…"

Jayce let out a small laugh and they ate in silence, savouring each other's presence. When they had finished and put the tins aside, Viktor insisted on massaging his partner's leg, and Jayce agreed - which proved he was definitely in pain. It was only then that Viktor noticed that, as in his previous form, the metal of his old leg brace had somehow... melted into his skin. Golden curves adorned his leg, shining under the flames, and he immediately pulled aside the flaps of the coat and of the blue blanket in front Jayce's astonished eyes. "Um... Viktor?

- Look."

Viktor took his partner's hand and placed it on his chest... And on the gold anchored into his marked skin. Jayce's eyes widened, the red slowly disappearing from his cheeks, and he followed the curves of what had once been the back brace he'd forged. "That's…

- Incredible," they finished in unison.

They exchanged a stunned glance as Viktor continued. "I've got my human body back, but it retains some aspects of my second form. It's clearly flesh, I feel cold, heat and pain, and..." He bit his cheek again, slipped a finger into his mouth and held it up proudly between them, as if Jayce hadn't almost choked as he watched him suck his own finger. "...my blood is red, but the metal's stayed inside me and my lungs don't hurt any more. It's almost as if these two versions of me have merged."

Jayce's face lit up. "Wait wait, say that again.

- It's like these two versions…

- No, not that. You're saying you're not in pain anymore?"

Jayce's hand splayed fully on his chest, igniting a new heatwave that wasn't caused by the flames, and Viktor smiled. "I wouldn't dare say I'm cured, I've learnt to be careful and not to get too excited too quickly, but the disease at least back to a less advanced stage. I'd have to do a few tests before..."

The end of his sentence choked in his throat as Jayce hugged him tight. "That's wonderful!

- As I said, I think we need to run a few tests before celebrating.

- Even if the disease has just returned to a less advanced stage, it means that we can immediately put you on an effective treatment that will save you. This is incredible news!"

Viktor smiled and buried his face in Jayce's throat: for a moment, he thought he would be overwhelmed by relief and collapse into his arms, but happiness kept him afloat. So when his partner grabbed a thick blanket and draped it over their shoulders, almost making their whole bodies disappear under the fabric, Viktor let Jayce hold him close without saying another word. He let his head roll onto his shoulder and Jayce responded by kissing his hair and then resting his cheek on it. They closed their eyes with the same sigh, savouring the comfort of their position and the gentle warmth of the flames.

I could stay here forever.

"Me too.

- I'm pretty sure that listening to people's thoughts without their consent is ethically questionable, Jayce.

- It's not my fault, you're the one practically throwing them in my face."

Viktor jostled him and, as he had promised, he bent over Jayce's injured leg to remove the brace and massage his sore muscles. They took their time, loosening muscles and working out knots, and when his partner offered to return the favour, Viktor agreed. The pain was less intense than it had already been, but the walk had weakened him and Jayce's hands on his leg soothed him immensely. When they had finished and admitted to feeling a little better, they let the warmth of the fireplace spread through the room, easing the tension in their muscles, and Viktor finally whispered. "That fire was a really good idea, Talis.

- I only have good ideas."

Viktor gave him a doubtful and mocking look. "Oh really? I think I could name a few bad ones."

Jayce's smile froze, tinged with horror, and new images flashed through Viktor's mind.

His own lifeless body laying on the lab table.

His chest torn apart and his hand letting go of a cog.

"No, no, I wasn't thinking about that," he said quickly, "Jayce, look at me."

His partner's breathing was feverish again, hesitant, and his eyes were lost in anguish and visions of the past. The same panic grabbed Viktor by the throat and tried to drown him, so he acted on instinct. He pressed Jayce's cheek to his chest and commanded. "Listen. Focus on me."

For a long, eternal second, absolutely nothing happened.

Then his heart pounded in his chest and Jayce let out a sound that sounded like both a sigh and a sob. He clutched at Viktor's waist, as if he could bury himself directly into his ribcage, and the first tear rolled down his cheek. "Forgive me... I beg you, forgive me.

- There's nothing to forgive. You did what you had to do to protect the whole world. I can never blame you for that.

- V, I... I killed you!

- But I'm here now. And you're with me.

- I wanted to reason with you," Jayce sobbed against his chest, "I wanted to convince you to stop this evolution thing and come back with me, but he... you... I knew I couldn't hesitate, that if I looked at you for one more second without acting I'd join you and then the world would be lost!

- I know, and I know that you were right to act as you did.

- No, no, it's all my fault... All this happened because I didn't listen to you. You asked me to destroy the Hexcore and I couldn't do it! I couldn't let you go! I betrayed your trust and everyone paid the price of my selfishness! I know I should have accepted your death, but I... I was... I was so scared. I haven't stopped being scared since that explosion in the Council Room.

- Oh Jayce…"

Jayce's distress broke his heart, and he hated feeling so useless, so powerless. Viktor drew back slightly so that he could look him in the eyes and he gently brushed a lock of hair away from his face. "Please Jayce, don't beat yourself up. You did what you had to do, you carried the weight of the world on your shoulders and you did so much more than save Runeterra." He tried to smile. "You saved me. You brought me back to the right path. You set me free, and now I'm here with you."

The tears rolled down Jayce's cheeks, unstoppable, tears too long contained and apologies so far whispered to no one, and when he spoke, his voice was a broken plea. "Don't leave me again... Please, stay with me…"

Viktor stopped himself from flinching, refused to let the guilt drown him. Jayce didn't need to suffer his partner's emotions on top of his own, he already had so much to deal with. So Viktor simply rested his forehead against Jayce's. "I'm here now. You don't have to worry anymore, I'm with you."

Long after his sobs had subsided, Jayce rested his cheek against Viktor's flesh-and-metal chest again, as if the beating of his heart soothed him beyond words. When he sighed, his voice was hoarse, exhausted. "Sorry about that...

- You don't have to be sorry.

- Yes I do, because I should be comforting and reassuring you, not the other way round."

Viktor rolled his eyes and patted him lightly on the shoulder. "Now you're talking nonsense.

- No, it's true... I know you're anxious, I can hear bits of your thoughts and I can feel that you need comforting, and instead I'm making you comfort me."

Although Jayce felt his partner stiffen at these words, he said nothing, simply snuggling more comfortably against him. Finally, Viktor said. "You're not forcing me into anything, you beautiful idiot: I'm here for you.

- I'm a mess, V…

- No you are not.

- I am... You saw my mind, I'm bro-…

- Don't you dare finish that sentence."

Viktor's tone had suddenly become threatening, a furious hiss that caused Jayce to sit up, his eyes round with surprise.

"Listen to me very carefully, Jayce Talis: it was you who told me that there was beauty in imperfections, you who told me that I wasn't broken and that you admired me despite what I saw as weaknesses. Those are your words, so you have to believe me when I tell you that you're not a mess. No, look at me. " Viktor slipped a finger under Jayce 's chin. " You're suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder because of the violence you've been exposed to. You were alone for so long, and when you came back, you had to face your past and your present, alone. But you should have been surrounded and cherished as you deserve to be. You're not broken, Jayce, you just need help, support and comfort. And that doesn't make you a mess. You never will be. I'm not asking you to believe me - you know I mean every word I'm saying - I'm commanding you to accept this truth."

Jayce was speechless, blown away by the determination in his partner's eyes and the power of his words. Viktor leaned forward slightly, without letting his finger leave Jayce's chin. "Is that clear?"

Jayce didn't answer in words.

He captured his lips and kissed him.

And despite his resolve to free his partner from his hold, Viktor kissed him back.

He didn't deserve it, but he let Jayce carry him and lay him on the bed, on the other side of the room. He didn't deserve it, but he let him kiss his throat, his collarbone, the metal and skin of his chest and stomach. He should have remained silent, tried to disappear, but he couldn't hold back a hushed moan when Jayce's hands slid over his new body and their still-clothed crotches brushed against each other.

Beautiful.

Amazing.

Brilliant.

Perfect.

Mine.

All mine.

Viktor let out a small laugh, both amused and embarrassed. "Your thoughts are so loud.

- You're one to talk," Jayce mumbled, kissing his chest, "your mind hasn't stopped for a second since we woke up.

- That's... terribly embarrassing.

- Is it? I find it exhilarating. I've got nothing to hide from you, I want you to know what you mean to me. I want you to see yourself as I see you. I want to replace every thought you have with my own."

Viktor's face flushed and he had to look away, facing the flames on the other side of the room for a moment to gather some coherent thoughts. "And that isn't embarrassing?

- It's not. I love you and I want you to know that.

- I already know you do."

Jayce smiled sadly. "No, you don't. You're resisting. I know you're convinced you don't deserve happiness and that my mind is clouded. But I will erase those lies and replace them with my truth."

This time, Viktor buried his face in his hands, terribly embarrassed by these words, and his voice was muffled by his palms when he grumbled. "Oh my God…

- Come on, we've known each other for years: you can call me Jayce.

- Oh my God, Jayce!"

They both burst out laughing uncontrollably and Jayce kissed him again, without his hands leaving his waist. "Want to know something else?

- Will it embarrass me even more?"

Jayce pouted, not sheepish in the slightest. "Possibly."

Viktor let out a long sigh and raised his hands to the sky. "Fine… Do tell…"

His partner brushed Viktor's cheeks with his fingertips. "Your marks glow when I tell you I love you and when I touch you, like they're answering me."

If Viktor's face wasn't crimson before, it certainly was now, and Jayce offered hi a smug smile. "Just like they're glowing now. You're beautiful, V."

Oh but there was no way Viktor was going to be the only one feeling so embarrassed! If he had to go down, he'd make sure his partner went down with him! Viktor grabbed Jayce's left wrist and, with an almost delirious audacity, brushed it with his lips, without taking his eyes off him, aware of the provocation in his gaze. The marks on Jayce's arm lit up briefly, imitating the ones on his forehead when he blushed violently, and Viktor couldn't hold back a triumphant smile. "Looks like I'm not the only one with glowing and… sensitive marks."

Jayce was on him in the blink of an eye, kissing him far more violently than before, and Viktor felt his resolve melt away like snow in the sun. He closed his arms on his back, bringing him closer, letting the fire spread through his veins, igniting his body and silencing his mind.

Even if he didn't deserve this adoration, he owed it to Jayce.

And he wanted to stop thinking for a few minutes, to stop living in his head and let his body take the reins for once in his life.

Viktor's hands slid over his partner's shoulders, pulling his shirt down his back until at last their skin touched and lit up. He ran a hand through Jayce's hair as he kissed his throat, gasped as their crotches rolled against each other. A growl caressed Viktor's chest in response and a shiver ran through his body when the coat and blanket slid over his skin, when Jayce's lips got lower, lower, lower…

Viktor hands him his bracelet and watches him with a rare intensity, a slight smile on his lips.

"Jayce..."

Jayce's hands came to rest on his thighs with an overwhelming delicacy and they caressed them gently.

Viktor is working on equations on his notebook, his nose wrinkled from too much reflection, and a ray of sunlight makes his eyes shine.

"Jayce."

Jayce's lips kissed the metal anchored in his right leg, kissed his knee and his ankle before kissing the inside of his thigh.

Viktor bursts out laughing, the mark of his goggles contrasting with the soot covering the rest of his face from a lab accident.

"Jayce wai-…"

Jayce's hands caressed his waist, tracing lightning bolts that reverberated throughout his body.

Viktor's eyes widen as he uncovers his braces and crutch, before offering him a look filled with gratitude.

"Jay-... Ah!"

Jayce's hands slid lower, lower, between his thighs, and Viktor arched his back and opened his lips in a silent whine.

Viktor returning his smile as they win the Distinguished Innovators competition.

"Wait."

Surprised, Jayce straightened, cheeks flushed and breathing fast, but eyes alert to the slightest sign of discomfort from his partner. Viktor searched for words and when he realised he couldn't, he hid his gaze with the back of his right hand, breathless. "Too much…"

He didn't need to say any more, his partner had access to his thoughts: he knew what he was feeling. Viktor was drowning in Jayce's memories, coupled with his own body's emotions and sensations. His head was spinning, as much from the hands on him as from the memories that weren't his own. He'd never thought he could feel so much, so much passion and abandonment, both his own and Jayce's. It was almost impossible to bear, too many wild emotions to control, and the love he felt mingled with the overflowing wave of adoration from his soulmate.

"Let me show you how I see you," Jayce whispered tenderly, "let me show you how much I love you."

He placed a hand on Viktor's cheek and gently took hold of the one that covered his eyes. Encouraging Viktor to look at him, he placed a kiss on his palm. "Let go. You have nothing to control, nothing to worry about. It's just us here. Only us."

Something seemed to break in Viktor's chest, like a thread that had been stretched for too long in his soul. He could feel the tears welling up in his eyes, threatening to drown him, and when Jayce smiled at him again…

He let go.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered as a tear rolled down his glowing cheek.

"All is forgiven."

Jayce kissed his forehead, his cheeks then his lips.

I love you, Viktor.

"I love you too."

I love you.

"I love you so much."

The flames drew their shadows on the walls, turned their fears to ashes burning into the fire of their bodies when they finally surrendered to their passion and they became one.

***

When Jayce laid down next to him, his face tensed briefly, chasing away his delighted smile, and immediately Viktor knew it was because of his leg. He knew that look, that tension, those awkward, uncomfortable movements, he'd lived with them since the day he was born, and above all, he himself felt a dull pain pulsating in his right leg. Concern stiffening his features, Viktor asked softly, out of breath and his cheeks still flushed. "Let me massage your leg again."

Jayce shook his head, his face buried against Viktor's sweat-glistening throat as he hugged him gently and firmly at the same time. "I just want to stay like this forever.

- Eternity might be a bit tricky to achieve, but I'll see what I can do."

The fire crackled in the fireplace, almost stifling Jayce's sigh. "Thank you."

Viktor blinked, hesitating. "Are you... thanking me for the sex?"

Jayce chuckled and kissed his temple. "I mean sure, the sex was amazing, but I'm mostly thanking you for keeping me from drowning."

Unparalleled tenderness almost made Viktor break down, turned the knot in his throat into a tidal wave, but he stopped himself. He had no right to crumble now: as long as he was by Jayce's side, he had to be there for him and support him. He'd had the chance to let go for an eternal embrace, but now he had to control himself.

Tomorrow, their paths would part and Viktor would be able to cry too.

But they had the whole night to themselves, and for now, that was enough.

So Viktor kissed Jayce's forehead, every little mark left by his fingertips, and they fell asleep.

***

Viktor woke up a little after dawn.

It only took a few moments for him to remember where he was, but it would be many minutes before his heartbeat calmed down and he realised that Jayce was still asleep. He watched him for a moment, taking in his relaxed features, and he was moved by his quiet, deep breathing. Viktor resisted the urge to brush a lock of hair from Jayce's forehead, preferring to remain completely still to avoid waking him.

And instantly, his mind began to race.

His decision was tearing him apart, and breaking his promise was making him sick, but he simply couldn't stay here. He had to disappear, to free Jayce from the hold he had over him, to allow him to return to Piltover and live with his family.

Viktor's heart clenched violently in his chest and he slipped out of Jayce's arms, as silent as a spectre, and he miraculously recovered the blue blanket which he wrapped around his body. He winced as all his limbs seemed to tense: his leg was really hurting him this time and he had nothing to support his weight. He had suspected that their nightly activities would not be kind to his fragile body, but he had underestimated how it would affect him.

Viktor glanced again at his sleeping partner, at his face on which the sun was drawing golden lines, and he gritted his teeth. He had to leave him a note, an explanation for his departure. Jayce would feel terribly betrayed when he'd find out Viktor was gone, so he owed him at least a goodbye note. Viktor discreetly searched the relay and finally found a pencil and some paper. He didn't write a proper letter, simply wrote a few sentences.

"I'm sorry, I can't stay with you. You deserve so much better than this fate. Go back to Piltover, go back to your mother and to the people you love. Thank you for saving me. And thank you for loving me."

Viktor placed the note prominently on the small table and clenched his fists, drawing strength from the pain in his palms. It was the right choice, the only choice. By leaving, he would finally free Jayce and allow him to live the life he deserved: a life with his family, in the spotlight… And not a life wandering the streets with a criminal.

He sighed heavily, refused to turn round one last time as he put his hand on the door handle…

"Am I interrupting ?"

Viktor froze, closed his eyes and let out a long sigh. "It's become a real habit, has it not?

- Did you really think I hadn't worked out what you were planning to do? I can hear your thoughts, Viktor."

There was betrayal in Jayce's voice, and his gaze was as angry as it was hurt when Viktor slowly turned around, his hand still on the door handle. Jayce was only wearing his trousers, his eyes still clouded with sleep and his hair dishevelled, but all his muscles were already tense, stiffened by the urgency and by months of living on his guard.

"Jayce, you have to understand that it doesn't make me happy to leave you, but.…

- Then stay. You promised me you wouldn't leave me again."

Viktor ran an exhausted hand over his face. "I know, and I'm sorry I can't keep my promise. But I... I can't stay.

- Why not?

- Because you deserve this second chance and I don't have the right to take it away from you."

Jayce's eyes widened and his voice became a growl. "What the hell are you talking about?

- Please don't make me say it."

Don't make me say that I don't deserve you.

"You do deserve me, V. Nobody deserves me more than you. And I love you.

- You don't love me. You love a memory, a ghost, the spectre of who I was before I played God with the Hexcore. You love the partner you worked with for over seven years, but you don't love who I am now. I'm not that man any more. I'm responsible for the deaths of hundreds of innocent people, I've abandoned you, I've broken your heart... I leave a trail of blood with every step I take and you can't see it because you're blinded by your memories.

- I love you." Jayce's breath had become shorter, woven with fury and determination. "I love who you are now, who you've been and who you'll be. I want to be with you until the end, Viktor. I already told you so in the astral plane.

- You only said it because you thought it was the end and you knew that the fate of the world depended on your being able to convince me.

- I told you all that because I believe it. Which is why I told you so again last night."

A mirthless chuckle shook Viktor's shoulders. "Please, Jayce, you know I've no right to be happy, especially not after everything I've done.

- You forgave me when I broke my promise. You forgave me when I abandoned you. You forgave me when I killed you, twice. You forgave me for all my crimes so you have to forgive yourself for yours.

- Except I don't deserve forgiveness!" Viktor raised his voice and his hand tightened on the handle. "Not yours, not anyone's and certainly not mine! People died because of me! I killed them! I shouldn't be here! I should be dead or in chains, locked in a cell, but not here stopping you from living your life! So please, go back to your loved ones, they are waiting for you.

- I don't want to go back to Piltover. I want to stay with you, I want to travel the world with you.

- You mother…

- Knew I wouldn't come back."

Viktor froze and Jayce closed his eyes for a few seconds. "Before the attack, I went to tell her I wouldn't be coming back. She knew I'd do anything to save you and that if I could indeed save you, I'd leave with you, in life or in death."

Horror and emotion made Viktor's hands shake, and his voice softened as he insisted. "I can't bear to be the reason you can't be with her.

- That's what happens when children grow up, though: they meet their soulmate and leave the nest.

- Stop it, you know that's not the point. I tore you away from her, from Caitlyn, from Mel.

- No, I chose to stay with you and to follow you.

- Please Jayce, fate is giving you a second chance: take it and go home.

- Us.

- What?"

His partner took a step forward. "Fate is giving us a second chance, and I'm not wasting it by turning my back on you. I promised I'd never leave you again. I've broken too many promises already, I'm not breaking this one.

- Then I release you from your promise."

Jayce took a step backwards, shocked as much by the words as by the way Viktor had spoken them, with both firmness and weariness. "Do you really think that's the only reason I want to stay with you? Do you really believe you're unworthy of being loved? That you've somehow managed to manipulate me into believing that I care about you? Viktor, I love you."

He almost took another step forward but Viktor stopped him. "No, please don't make this harder than it already is. I'm a monster and I should be dead. I shouldn't be here.

- Except you are here. You're here and you get to choose how you want to live this new life.

- I don't get to choose!

- Of course you do.

- There's only one end waiting for me, the one I should have accepted instead of playing God with things I didn't understand! I have no other option!

- Choose me."

Viktor's voice choked in his throat, blown away by the determination in his partner's. Jayce's eyes had darkened with fury and determination, and Viktor had to fight not to shudder when his partner reached out to grab his free hand. "I've made my choice. What's yours?"

Uncontrollable tears flooded Viktor's eyes and he shook his head. "Jayce, I don't…

- I chose you. I chose you at the top of that tower, I chose you in the astral plane, I chose you in every universe, in every reality, in every timeline, and I'll choose you everyday until I die. I'll choose you every time you hesitate and I'll support you when you stumble. I'll calm your fears and I'll dry your tears when you have nightmares. I'll guide you when you lose your way. I'll choose you again and again until the end of time, and every day I'll show you that these feelings are mine. You can simply do the same. All you have to do is choose me every day, when you're in doubt, when you're scared, when you're angry, when you're happy… I choose you , Viktor, so let go. Let go and choose me."

Viktor's hand shook on the handle…

Viktor and Jayce hug in the astral plane.

"Stop it, Jayce..."

Viktor stumbles in the lab and Jayce supports him, an arm on his shoulders.

His hand slipped…

Viktor turns away from the blackboard and offers him a mocking smile, chalk pointing the result of an equation.

"Choose me, V."

And let go.

Viktor fell into Jayce's arms more than he embraced him, and for the first time in ages, he burst into tears. Last night's tears were nothing compared to the heavy and painful sobs that shook his shoulders as they both slid to the floor. "Why? Why don't you hate me?! You should despise me! Not chain yourself to me!

- You already know why. You saw it in my memories when you lived them" Jayce pulled him close and hugged him tighter. "Because I love you and I want to spend my life with you.

- You'll end up resenting me!

- Never.

- You'll want to leave me behind and go back to your real life! Everyone always ends up leaving me behind!

- I won't leave you. You're my life now. I choose you."

Viktor sobbed heavily against Jayce's shoulders, soaking his skin with tears that never seemed to stop, and his screams echoed in the hut until his voice became hoarse. He knew he had to be hurting him, but he couldn't stop himself from clutching at him.

"Forgive me, please…

- I told you: all is forgiven. And we have our whole lives ahead of us for you to forgive yourself. I'll be there to help you, I'll be with you every step of the way, and everyday I'll remind you that I love you, that you deserve this second chance and that you deserve to be loved and revered."

Viktor cried for so long that he feared he could never stop, but finally the tears dried up and all that remained was his ragged breathing and his quite little sobs. Jayce rested his forehead against his, cradled the back of Viktor's neck with his hand, and he whispered. "Breathe with me?"

With trembling lips and shivering shoulders, Viktor nodded slowly and breathed in.

"Don't leave me, Jayce. And never let me go.

- I promise."

Relief draped Viktor's heart, easing his guilt and doubts for a moment. They both knew they would have this discussion often in the future, that they would both be haunted by their demons for many years to come before they could find true peace.

But they were together, forever.

It was all that mattered.

"Thank you."