Archive of Our Own

Before meeting Reo, Nagi had long grown used to the feeling of being a passenger in his own life. Routine kept things simple enough. 

Turn off your brain, let your eyes fall out of focus, submit to the heaviness.

Don’t think. Thinking is a hassle. 

Eyes open. Eyes shut.

Each day passed in a blur, cyclic and surreal; some days, he could almost imagine himself out of his own body, wafting somewhere above it while his eyes remained tethered to his phone. He lived in monotony. It was easy. Simple. Passive. 

Pay enough attention just to float by. 

Sink into the tedium, and don’t bother coming up for air. 

Life moves slower this way, but it’s less of a hassle.

Suspended in this haze, it was only occasionally that reflections of the fast paced life around him managed to breach his bubble.

Oh, there’s a lot of girls confessing today with chocolate. Huh, must be Valentine’s Day.

Ahh, I smell chocolate again. Is it White Day?

Hmm, the cherry blossoms are blooming. Spring again.

It wasn’t until meeting Reo, who managed to ground him in an imperceivable manner, that things changed. Reo tugged him to the surface, stubbornly pulling hand over hand until, like an anchor breaching the surface, Nagi emerged. Like being born again, his nurturing had tended to Nagi’s roots; fresh, thin and white, they stretched for soil under guidance of the sun, seeking more and more and more as Reo watered him with affections. 

It was a different kind of drowning.

The old monotony spiraled as monochrome days were suddenly colored in violet, bursting forth like new lavender buds. Those spring days passed as effortlessly as the turning spokes of an afternoon bicycle ride, now guided by Reo’s commandeering hand as he controlled the handlebars with a destination and a dream in mind. He was a passenger still, but now with someone in the driver’s seat. And as Nagi would sit, tucked behind Reo as he pedaled, he thinks this might be what love feels like. 

And maybe that’s why he felt so lost now. 

When they hit a little pothole- turned-sinkhole called Blue Lock, it catapulted them off course into some sinister pit that Nagi was still clambering out of. Reo seemed to think it was Nagi that was looking down on him during second selection, but as Nagi crawls forth with fists full of dirt, penetrating under his nails and staining his clothes, aiming toward the good graces of his Sun, he thinks it couldn’t be further from the truth.

Blue Lock might have crashed their metaphorical bike, but it did little to sever his feelings for their dream. For their partnership. 

For Reo. 

And they were together again - in a capacity. He and Reo were on the same team, shared a room with Chigiri, and took most of their meals together like it was routine again. But Nagi couldn’t shake the feeling that things were still different. In fact, he knew things were different.  Evidence that he was still climbing out of the hole he dug (or rather, was thrust into).

He notices things about Reo; it’s harder to pretend he doesn’t. After their match with Bastard Munchen, things had finally felt almost normal. They were matched on the same frequency but still different amplitudes, and Nagi noticed how the disconnect manifests itself in subtle ways. 

It’s in the way Reo sits away from him, seated in his own bed rather than sharing one with Nagi during their downtime. It’s the way they invite others to sit with them at mealtimes, and Nagi feeds himself while Reo chats with their peers. Perhaps even more subtle, and no less painful, it’s the way Reo hesitates to casually touch him now. Sometimes it’s only that - hesitation - and then Reo will still throw an arm around his shoulder or tousle his hair. Those moments are pinpricks in his heart; nothing compared to the mallet that threatens to crack his ribs when that hesitation turns into a pause, and the pause, in turn, evaporates completely before it ever had the chance to condense as a touch on his skin. 

Blue Lock had changed him – it had changed them . And while the wounds from second selection had started to heal, it was still fresh; new skin stretched taut and irritating across old scars. It was uncomfortable. It was different. 

Reo was in the driver’s seat again, and Nagi couldn’t shake the feeling that he was left behind on the side of the road, left to drift aimlessly again in passive suspension. 

But, time heals all wounds, or so he’s heard it said in the romance movies. Reo didn’t seem mad anymore, but Nagi still couldn’t shake the feeling that things were still different. How many more cycles did he need to float through before things could return to normal? This was all new to him: these confusing emotions, the pain of being alone and lonely, the desire to fix something that might not be broken. But for Reo, he can weather it. 

Sink back into routine. Time will pass. Let the wounds heal. 

It was almost dinner time now. Nagi had been lazing in his room, working through another level of his mobile game after a hard day of practice. On the bed adjacent to his, Reo was reviewing his notes while Chigiri dried his hair across the room, the low hum of the hairdryer providing enough white noise to cause Nagi to zone out entirely. He thinks absently that he should invite Reo to dinner, just the two of them. He isn’t sure what they might talk about, or if Reo will invite others to join them anyway, but the thought nags at him, tickling his tongue as if begging to be said. Maybe when Chigiri lets the room breathe, he’ll say something. 

The chance disintegrates when a certain pink shrimp suddenly knocks on their door. 

“Someone’s here.” Chigiri comments over his shoulder, hair dryer still blazing. 

Nagi notices the way Reo hesitates before setting his notebook down. As Reo pads over to the door, Nagi remains in bed with his phone propped in front of his face, but he’d be lying if he said his eyes were on his screen. He watches Reo open the door.

“Oh, hey Kurona.”

Kurona? That name isn’t familiar. Does he even live here?

“Reo, wanna grab dinner?” 

Nagi’s ears perk up, struggling to separate the conversation from the drone of Chigiri’s hair dryer.

“Oh sure, is it that time already?”

“No, no. I came to get you early.”

Now Nagi couldn’t deny his interest as he glares towards the door frame, seeing a spot of pink hair peeking through the threshold. 

Ahh. That shrimp from Isagi’s team. 

“Oh? What’s up?” Reo asks as he adjusts his posture so his hip leans into the door frame. Nagi’s eyes trace the curves dangerously before remembering he needs to pay attention. He can tell Kurona uttered something in response, but the words are muffled over the noise. Frustrated, Nagi picks up a nearby sock and chucks it at Chigiri. It bounces off the back of his head before falling to the floor. Chigiri stiffens before turning off the hair dryer and feeling the back of his head, looking around wildly. 

“Fucking gross!” He yells when he spots it. “What the hell, Nagi?!” 

“Too loud.” Nagi grumbles, not even bothering to look at Chigiri. “Can you stop for a minute? I need to concentrate.”

Chigiri wrongly assumes he’s talking about his game and mutters something understandably rude under his breath. 

“Whatever, I need to piss.” He stands, picking up Nagi’s sock with his foot and flipping it toward the bed. When it hits Nagi in the face, Chigiri turns to leave the room. 

“Control your fucking boyfriend. He’s being a menace.” He comments as Reo shifts in the door frame so Chigiri can leave. Nagi catches the way Reo sighs as his conversation with that pink shrimp is interrupted.

“He’s not-” Reo pauses, “Just, whatever. Sorry Kurona, what were you saying?” 

Hiding behind his phone screen, Nagi doesn’t miss the way Reo glances back at him before resuming his conversation. The words “your” and “boyfriend” wrap around him, tender and snug like greedy vines that only grow to soak up more light. It’s reaffirming, hearing others acknowledge their partnership. Even if Reo is still keeping his distance. Even if they weren’t really boyfriends. Even if Nagi wants them to be. It gives him a dash of hope; that maybe if he keeps climbing, he can breach through the clouds and find his sun again. 

Kurona continues, unphased.  “Hiiragi is in the cafe. He’s doing love fortunes, fortunes. For Valentine’s day!”

Nagi doesn’t try to feign ignorance now as his phone hits the mattress. In disbelief, he taps the screen to see February 14th reflected back to him. Valentine’s Day? Today? He swallows against the discomfort building in his throat as Reo laughs gently. 

“Thanks Kurona, but I don’t really care about that stuff. Did you get one done?”

“Yep, yep. It’s fun, Reo.”

Reo laughs again, gentle and easy, and something akin to jealous pricks at Nagi’s chest. He’s not sure if Reo’s disinterest in love fortunes is something to celebrate or mourn.

“Did you get a good one?” He asks, and Nagi is sure Reo’s brow raises with the question.

“Mm. I think Reo should try.” 

Nagi sits up now, and he catches Kurona’s eye through the threshold. Like hell Reo needs to interact with that fortune telling fraud. Kurona seems to notice, and boldly continues anyway. 

“It’s just for fun, Reo. It’ll cheer you up.”

Nagi blinks.

Cheer up?

Reo needs cheering up?

Reo doesn’t laugh in response this time. There’s an unfamiliar pressure that begins to build in Nagi’s chest as his limbs grow restless, aching to move. Reo looks back at him as his mattress creaks as his weight shifts, and he pulls himself to a stand. 

“Reo…I’m hungry.” 

Reo laughs then, soft and short under his breath, before he meets Nagi’s eyes. 

“Let’s go, then. Sounds like we can get our fortunes told while we’re at it.”

Nagi sighs, eyeing Kurona as he approaches the door.

“No way. That’s a hassle.”

When they arrive in the cafeteria, Nagi spots the small crowd surrounding Hiiragi. It’s by far the most attention this guy has ever received, probably in his whole sorry life, and Nagi can’t wait for him to fade back into obscurity.

“Let’s go,” Kurona grabs the sleeve of Reo’s loungewear and heads toward Hiiragi. Nagi’s jaw clenches as Reo’s pulled away from him, and he follows in tow. 

His bitterness only compounds with each step as they near Hiiragi’s table. He hadn’t spoken to Hiiragi since second selection, and planned to keep it that way. Zantetsu and Niko also sat at his table; Niko seemed to be explaining something to Zantetsu under his breath. 

“Hey, Hiiragi.” Reo greets him before turning to the others. “Zantetsu, Niko.”

“Here to get your fortune told?” Hiiragi asks with a smile, while his eyes seem to hold space for something much more sinister. 

“Reo, this guy is legit.” Zantetsu utters, pushing up his glasses. “He said I was going to be in charge of the world. Maybe I’ll be heir to your dad’s corporation instead of you.” 

Reo cocks an eyebrow, unamused, as Niko sighs.

“No, you just drew The World. Hiiragi didn’t say any of that.”

“It’s up for interpolation, yeah?”

“ Interpretation ,“ Niko stresses. “And, no, not like that.”

Hiiragi shuffles the cards in his hand, eyes softening with his smile. It reminds Nagi of the way a predator crouches before pouncing on prey, and he stands a little closer to Reo. 

“So, who’s going first?” Hiiragi asks as his eyes flit between Reo and Nagi. Reo stiffens once he realizes. 

“Oh, I don’t know if Nagi-”

“Of course Nagi will.” Hiiragi interrupts, smiling with his teeth. “After all, it’s not Nagi’s first time with tarot.”

Nagi grimaces, feeling a fire light inside of him at the memory. 

“Hah? I seem to remember you drawing The Fool and then losing to me, idiot.” He rests his chin on Reo’s shoulder, as if challenging Hiiragi further. Reo goes rigid at the contact, and the response punctures Nagi, deflating him enough that he pulls away. 

Hiiragi shakes his head, laughing without humor. He stacks the cards into a pile and gestures for Reo to sit in front of him. Kurona gives his sleeve a reassuring tug when Reo doesn’t move, and that seems to snap him out of whatever funk he’s in. He takes a seat, and Nagi decides to sit beside him. 

“Hold your palm out please, over the deck.”

Nagi feels a heat in his stomach, thick and rising like steam from angry smokestacks as Reo’s long fingers spill over the deck and land delicately on Hiiragi’s wrist. Such ethereal contact should burn someone as vile as Hiiragi, and Nagi’s disappointed when he doesn’t recoil under Reo’s divine touch. 

“Hmm, I sense a lot of energy pulsing within you. A lot of uncertainty.”

Reo’s small brows furrow, and Kurona, standing on Reo’s other side, places a reassuring hand on his shoulder. Nagi tries to not react when Reo looks over at Kurona with a small smile, undeniably bitter that Reo hasn’t yet looked at him. 

When Reo faces Hiiragi again, his expression has already shifted from one of discomfort to a confident one. He’s changing colors again, Nagi thinks, pushed by his environment to take on a new shape.  

“As if.” Reo responds with conviction. “There’s nothing I’m uncertain of. I know my goals.” 

Hiiragi smiles, cheshire and condescending.  

“…We’ll see what the cards have to say about that.” 

Reo’s Adam's apple bobs as he swallows — the only surface indication that he is still nervous — and Nagi is nearly overcome with the urge to pull his hand away from the deck, lace their fingers together, and tug him back to their room. He doesn’t know why or what would happen next, but his fingers itch for contact regardless. He wants to hold Reo tightly, erase whatever worries lurk just beneath his skin, brush them away with gentle fingers if Reo would allow it. 

Would he allow it?

It might cheer you up.

God , what did Kurona mean by that?

Hiiragi has started asking Reo questions, but Nagi’s too caught up in his own thoughts to listen fully. During second selection, what had Kurona and Reo talked about? What did Kurona know about his partner that he didn’t? 

Sure, Reo was the prince of Hakuho High, but Nagi had never seen him seriously entertain any girls in their six months together. In fact, he watched Reo actively discourage their affections, all with his arm slung around Nagi. His focus was soccer. It was their dream . Nagi thought that meant something. And by association, he meant something. Reo used to remind him of that. 

Now, a chill runs through his veins, freezing his blood and setting him in place. He realizes with sickening certainty that he never a sked if Reo was seeing someone. He never considered asking, because relationships seemed like a hassle and Reo didn’t have time for such troublesome things. Not when he had soccer. Not when he had Nagi. 

Now, as he mulls over past conversations, remembering how upset Reo had been during second selection, how distant he had been during their two week break, how sidetracked he seemed even now in their shared room, a new thought hits him like an ice bath.

Did Reo have a secret girlfriend this entire time? 

Someone older? Someone mature? What was she like? Did she enjoy soccer, too? Was she heiress to some conglomerate, able to relate to Reo on a plane of existence far outside of Nagi’s grasp?

Was he missing her right now?

Nagi’s stomach twists.

“I’ll draw your first card now.”

Nagi snaps back into reality as Hiiragi flips a card smoothly onto the table in front of them. Zantetsu and Reo both seem to hold their breath as the card is revealed. 

“Interesting,” Hiiragi comments, eyes watery and glazed like a sick animal. “And here, you said there were no uncertainties in your life. Yet, you’re doubting even yourself.”

Reo opens his mouth to protest, but it slowly shuts as he stares at the card before him. 

“What does it mean?” He asks flatly. Nagi’s eyes float from Reo to Hiiragi, who still has a frustratingly cheeky grin on his face. 

“The Moon symbolizes complicated emotions. A maelstrom of misunderstandings. Things not always appearing as they seem. That seems to be causing you discomfort in your love life.”

Reo doesn’t move, eyes still trained on the card. Nagi watches the way they flicker, seemingly tracing the round details of the celestial body present on the card. He agrees, Reo is celestial, but wouldn’t the sun be more appropriate?

“You’re holding onto old beliefs or ideas about your relationship with this person.” Hiiragi continues. He laces his fingers in front of him as he speaks. “Interesting, the one who claims to get everything he wants, doesn’t seem to know what he wants.”

“Shut up, you don’t know me,” Reo counters back, voice razor sharp. Hiiragi remains unphased.

“Maybe not. But you do, yes?”

Reo falls uncharacteristically quiet, with a look that makes Nagi want to run laps, train harder, score goals, do anything to melt it away. 

“You seem to be holding onto past hurts. Or maybe, you think of yourself as unworthy of love, and have difficulty accepting it?”

“Bullshit. Can you just draw the next card, I get it.” Reo demands rather than asks. Hiiragi flashes another smile of blinding white teeth.

“Sure. Just know, if you want to move forward, these insecurities are something you’ll have to face.”

“Reo’s perfect, you stupid fraud.” Nagi grunts through gritted teeth. Hiiragi pays him no mind as he draws the next card. In fact, he looks even more amused. 

“This next card describes your love interest.”

Nagi’s jaw aches as it tenses. He didn’t realize this kind of information would be a part of the fortune, and the sickness returns, writhing in his guts with anticipation.

Would this card tell him the type of person Reo is seeing? 

What if it’s the exact opposite of Nagi? That’s probably someone Reo would like. Someone motivated and determined. Someone who could match his energy, discuss the stock market and the various states of the world’s economy. 

Someone sweet and kind and smart.

That seems like the kind of person Reo would like. 

Not Nagi. Nagi doesn’t think he’s any of those things.

He used to be someone Reo likes. Not anymore. 

And Nagi isn’t sure if he can handle hearing Reo’s type if it’s not him.

Before he can decide to bail, Hiiragi lets out an uncharacteristic howl of laughter that shocks everyone at the table into paying attention. 

“Oh my, what an interesting pull!”

Reo sits up a bit straighter in his chair, not noticing that Karasu and Otoya have crowded around their table in the chaos.

“What’s this now?” Karasu asks, taking a stance next to Kurona. Kurona answers his question, but Nagi isn’t listening as he grows increasingly uncomfortable with the amount of people around them. This opened it up for more people to learn the type of person Reo likes. The type of person that Reo likes, and it’s most definitely not Nagi. Another thought hits him like a gut punch as his thoughts spiral; what if this card doesn’t describe some random phantom girl of Reo’s dreams, but a real person that they know? Someone from Blue Lock? Does Reo like boys? Does he like both? 

He doesn’t realize how hard his nails are digging into his palms until they start to sting.

Before he can catch his breath, Hiiragi flips the card onto the table for all to see. The last thing Nagi expects is a card he’s seen before.

“The…the Fool?” Reo reads out, voice shaky. Nagi feels his world spin as the other’s laugh around him. 

“Here I thought Mr. Stock Market would be pulling some kinda genius,” Karasu howls as Otoya pokes at Reo’s face. “But apparently he’s attracted to idiots!”

Nagi’s eyes flicker between Zantetsu and Hiiragi quick enough to make himself dizzy. All his feelings churn in his stomach, stormy and turbulent as he considers the options. 

Zantetsu is the biggest idiot he knows, but Reo didn’t seem too interested in him during their Team V days. Has something changed? Did they somehow get closer? 

No way. No way.  

This forces him to consider the other option. An impossibility, but this is Blue Lock after all. His stomach might as well drop to the floor as his brain continues to torture him with unbidden thoughts.

Hiiragi had drawn The Fool himself a mere few months ago. Does that mean he and Reo were compatible?

No. No way.

Nagi gathers the courage to spare a glance at Reo. He looks pissed, ready to leave the table and the teasing behind when Hiiragi finally speaks. 

“Calm down, it’s not what you think.” He starts to explain. Nagi notices the way his eyes flit toward him before landing on Reo once more. “The Fool symbolizes moving forward. New journeys. You’ve been with this person before, but maybe you’re at a crossroads.”

Reo seems to relax back in his seat as Hiiragi continues, ignoring the teasing from Karasu and Otoya. “The Fool tells us to be open and trusting as we embark on new challenges.” Hiiragi slides his hand across the table, dragging his index finger across the plastic until it lands on the card. “Maybe being open and trusting will help clear up a few of those insecurities.”

Reo keeps his head down as Karasu whistles. 

“Man, that seems pretty deep, Reo. Ya sure ya don’t have a thing for idiots?”

“Would you shut up, stupid crow?” Nagi counters, unable to take it anymore. He’s pissed enough that this is happening in the first place, and the incessant cawing of these bystanders was wearing him thin. Karasu chuckles, throwing his hands up as a gesture of peace.

“Your final card then.” Hiiragi states as he lays his palm on the deck once more. “This describes your current relationship with this person.”

Reo nods, eyes trained on the deck as Hiiragi draws the final card. 

Maybe this card will tell Reo he’s fallen for the wrong person? Surely there’s a card in that deck that says “abandon your crush, try this out instead”! And Nagi desperately hopes to whatever deity is listening that this final card leads him back to Nagi. 

Finally, he flips the card face up, revealing:

“Hm, quite the celestial spread, Reo.” Hiiragi comments as he stares at the card. Reo taps his foot, impatient or nervous, Nagi can’t tell. 

“The Star… interesting.” Hiiragi comments. “Building off your last card, the Star encourages communication. Remain communicative with this person, tell them your true feelings, believe what they tell you. Only then will you be together.”

Nagi swallows the lump in his throat. They had their phones back; had Reo been talking to someone outside of Blue Lock? Is that what he was up at night doing? While Nagi often gamed late into the night, he also noticed the way Reo’s face is often illuminated under blue LEDS, tucked into his own bed.

Nagi thinks he might be sick.

Reo’s cheeks seem a bit flushed as the others around him start hollering.

“So Reo, you going to tell us who it is?” Otoya asks. “What’s she like? Any pics?”

“Gotta be some dummy his parents set him up with, yeah?”

“Hey, there’s nothing wrong with dating an idiot, right? Right?”

“All of you, shut up,” Reo barks, “Like I’d tell you guys anything.” He’s putting on a brave face again, but Nagi senses that something is wrong, “The only idiots in my life are you guys.”

Reo moves to a stand, brushing the wrinkles out of his clothing as Karasu throws a sudden arm around him. It takes every ounce of self control for Nagi to hold himself back from shoving Karasu away and pulling Reo towards him. He wonders how Reo would react if he did. Would he scowl at him, too?

“C’mon now, don’t be like that. I thought we were buds.” Karasu chides.

“Leave Reo alone,” Kurona calls out. “It’s his fortune, not yours.”

Karasu smirks.

“Listen, it doesn’t take a fool to know who that fortune was about.” Karasu makes eyes with each person before leaning back into Reo. “But I wonder if it takes a genius ?”

“Alright, I’ve had enough.” Reo barks, giving Karasu a brisk shove away, nearly sending him to the floor. Nagi has never felt the urge to cheer in his life, but seeing Karasu stumble nearly brings it out of him. He stands, ready to follow Reo to the food line when Hiiragi’s voice calls out.

“Oh Nagi, you don’t want to try?”

“Hah?” Nagi responds bluntly. Like hell he wants to go through this again. 

“C’mon now, it wouldn’t be fair to Reo if he’s the only one we watched.” Karasu pokes at Nagi’s chest, the small gesture only pissing him off further. “What’re ya afraid of?”

Nagi wants to say he’s not afraid. And he’s not, not really. His feelings are all encompassing. They are the breath in his lungs, the blood in his veins, the heat of his core; there’s no part of him that Reo hasn’t touched. And while these cards were probably a load of bullshit, there’s a raw and real part of him that hesitates to bare it all like this, in front of idiots on a shitty cafeteria table.

He catches Reo from the corner of his eye. He’s hanging back, as if waiting for Nagi to make a decision. And against his better judgment, Nagi sighs. 

Fuck it. 

“Keep it short.” Nagi remains standing and places his hands on the table, casting a shadow over the deck. Hiiragi looks up at him with a sinister smile as he begins to shuffle the cards.

“Nagi…?” Reo’s voice cuts through the chatter around the table. “C’mon, you don’t have to entertain–”

“Reo, it’s okay, okay?” Kurona cuts him off in a hushed voice. “You should listen.”

Nagi looks over his shoulder at Reo, hoping his face looks pathetic enough to garner some sympathy. It seems to work as Reo smiles at him; it’s taut and small, but Nagi will take what he can get. 

Reo’s by his side as Hiiragi draws his first card.

“Ha! You turned your nose up at tarot, yet look who’s come to visit you again, Nagi.” Hiiragi spits his name like its venom as he reveals another familiar card. 

“Oo, spooky Mr. Hassleman.” Karasu whistles from over his shoulder.

“Wowww. Scary.”

“Hey, the last time Nagi got this, we won our match.” Zantetsu chimes in, pushing his glasses up for theatrical effect. “Maybe the luck of the drawer will lead you guys to victory.”

“Luck of the draw, stupid.” Reo corrects, slinging his arm against his hip. “What’s it mean?”

Hiiragi meets Nagi’s eyes, lips still curled into a sorry excuse of a smile. “It means our Nagi hasn’t grown much.”

Nagi blinks. 

“Hah?”

Hiiragi leans back in his seat, seemingly satisfied. 

“You told me to keep it short. Shall I draw the next card?”

Nagi’s fingers itch again, but this time they want to grab Hiiragi by his greasy hair and slam his face into this beloved deck. He can almost imagine the way the cards would flutter around them, but a sudden weight on his shoulder pins him in place. He’s equal parts surprised and elated to find Reo’s arm slung across him. 

“I’m getting hungry, let’s hurry this up.” Reo states, meeting Nagi’s gaze out of the corner of his eyes. It’s enough to dissipate his anger, as a pleasant thrumming settles in its place. Reo’s touch is warm. 

“Then, your next card. Your love interest.”

Nagi wonders if it will be the Sun. After all, that’s what Reo has been since their fateful meeting in that stairwell. The golden light of the setting sun had wrapped around him like a halo, as if it glowed solely for him. He is the center of Nagi’s universe, the source of warmth that settles in his core all molten and gooey, his guiding light.

Hiiragi flips the card onto the table for all to see.  

Reo’s arm stiffens as Nagi’s eyes widen. 

Oh.

Well…

Hiiragi sits back in his seat looking smug. He makes no move to explain as the others around them start to laugh.

“...And?” Reo asks, almost hesitantly, which is good, because Nagi’s throat feels too dry to speak. 

Hiiragi wafts a hand around flippantly, like he’s bored. 

“Mothering. Nurturing. Committed, mature relationship.” He rattles off like he’s reading from a dictionary. 

“Oooo, wow Nagi.” Karasu laughs. “Didn’t know ya had a thing for older women.”

“Nagi must like MILFs huh,” Otoya comments. “Ne, can I see your search history? Anything good?”

“What’s a MILF?” Zantetsu asks Niko, loud enough for everyone to hear as Niko shakes his head ‘no’.

“I dunno, kinda sounds like someone else we know too.”

Reo’s arm falls away from Nagi’s shoulder, and Nagi can’t help but look at him. Reo’s expression is pinched, like he’s been punched in the stomach, and it leaves Nagi feeling heavier, colder, as another realization creeps into the periphery of his mind.

“Can we just move on.” Reo sounds agitated now, and Nagi feels his ears burn. The other idiots aside, wasn’t this fortune so obviously talking about Reo? Did Reo know that? And that’s why he took his arm away? 

Was he uncomfortable?

Nagi thinks he might be sick again as Hiiragi draws the last card. Reo crosses his arms, and the tapping of his foot on the linoleum drones inside Nagi’s skull, ousting any chance of rational thought.

“Interesting last card, Mr. Death.” Hiiragi leans forward, face tilted toward the card. He speaks into the table, “It seems you’re also at a crossroads.”

Nagi feels Reo’s stare; it prickles his skin, warms his ears, and he isn’t sure what to make of it when Reo suddenly stands up straighter. 

“I just realized I forgot something in my room. I’ll be back later.” He turns on his heels faster than Nagi can comprehend. Only then does Hiiragi continue. 

“Do you want to know what it means? Or am I boring you?” He asks and Nagi is ready to throttle him. He feels a surprising tug on his sleeve, and he looks down into large pink eyes. 

“Nagi should listen, listen.”

At a crossroads…

Suddenly Reo’s discomfort over the past few months is painted in a different light; dark and foreboding, had he become aware of Nagi’s feelings? Was he uncomfortable with them? It was a possibility Nagi had never stopped to consider; that loving Reo could push him further away.

Nagi sighs as his throat feels tighter, the lump forming there threatens to close it completely. Kurona gives him another tug, and it goads him to speaking. 

“Go ahead, quit testing my patience.”

Hiiragi smiles, satisfied. 

“Judgment encourages self-reflection.” He states, eyes flitting between Nagi and the card. “It tells us there are past mistakes that are catching up to us. Learn from them. Grow from them. Communicate. Otherwise, you and this person may end up down different paths.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard this guy say more than ten words, and half of them are Reo’s name.” Karasu points his thumb toward Nagi as Otoya snickers. Nagi’s exterior remains stoic as his mind is swarmed with thoughts.

I made Reo uncomfortable.

He doesn’t like me like that, and I made him uncomfortable. 

That’s why he’s been avoiding me.

Keeping his distance. 

I have to apologize to Reo. 

I have to let him know. 

Otherwise, I’ll lose him forever.

I can’t lose him.

“Nagi…” Kurona’s soft voice cuts through his thoughts. It startles him into looking down at the other. “Do you know what you need to do?” Nagi nods slowly, even as his heart aches like it’s being dissected under clinical fluorescence by a table of idiots. Before the others can finish their teasing, he’s turned on his heels, already headed back to their room. 

When he gets back, Reo is laying on his bed with his phone above his head, scrolling aimlessly. He sits up, surprised, when he hears the door slide open. 

“Oi, Nagi? What are you doing back?” He asks, and Nagi notices how quickly he averts his eyes. He thinks a stab wound would hurt less. 

“....Wanted to check on Reo.” He answers honestly, speaking to the floor as he rubs the back of his neck. He steals a quick glance, enough to see that Reo cracks a smile at that, small brows knitting disconcerted. 

“I’m fine.” He says, kicking his feet against the bed frame. “I came back for my phone and got distracted, that’s all.”

Nagi stands awkwardly in the doorframe as his heart pounds against his chest and thrums in his ears. He realizes he’s waiting for Reo’s permission to enter, as if he doesn’t also live here. Reo seems to sense this when he finally breaks the looming silence. 

“Um, should we head back? Or do you wanna sit?” 

“Sit.” Nagi answers curtly. He starts to walk towards Reo’s bed, ready to sit beside him when he pauses. He feels nearly torn in half as his brain fights with his body, rational thought beating up instinct. He wants nothing more than to sit beside Reo and slump into his lap. He wants Reo to tenderly work his fingers through Nagi’s loose curls as they talk about everything and nothing all at the same time. Alone and together, in the comfort of their room. Yet, he feels the weight of his fortune creep into the forefront of his mind as shackles wrap around his hands and feet, rooting him in place. 

Don’t make him uncomfortable. 

You came to apologize.

He immediately turns on his heels to sit on his own bed. It moans under his weight, a noise Nagi can empathize with. Reo raises a quiet eyebrow, but doesn’t comment. 

“So…what’s up?” He finally asks, bed creaking as he leans toward Nagi. Nagi stares at his hands that are piled nervously in his lap. He picks at the skin of his cuticles, feeling hot under Reo’s gaze. He wishes he could sink into the mattress, that Reo’s gaze could be as oppressive as it feels. That he could sink further, through the mattress and into the floor, letting it swallow him up. That would be easier than coming to terms with Reo’s rejection. 

“...I, um…” He starts stupidly, his tongue feeling heavy and awkward in his mouth. Like it's fighting against the words he doesn’t want to project. “I’m… sorry. For making you uncomfortable.”

Reo sits up a bit straighter with eyes wide. 

“Huh?”

Nagi tears at the skin. It starts to bleed.

“I said–”

“Nagi, you don’t have to apologize for that.” Reo cuts him off, and as Nagi lifts his head to look at Reo, he notices Reo promptly looks away. “I don’t want empty apologies. That’s all in the past now.” He bunches the fabric of his sweatpants in his hands. “Let’s just move on. Okay?”

“But, Reo–”

“I said it’s fine, Nagi.” He snaps, finally meeting Nagi’s eyes. There’s a heat behind them, simmering like a pot ready to boil over. “Don’t patronize me. I’m not weak.”

Nagi blinks. 

“Um…okay.” He reels as too many thoughts bounce around in his head like loose ping pong balls, and he can’t catch a single one. “Uh…Reo…?”

“What?” Reo asks, still sounding bitter. 

“Can we still… be partners then…?” He says before he can stop the words. It’s a stupid sentiment, saturated with feelings he can’t have, but the words spill out anyway. “I mean, in soccer.”

“Hah? What are you talking about, Nagi?” Reo asks as his anger seems to melt into confusion. 

“It’s just…if Reo has a girlfriend, I wouldn’t want…”

I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. 

These feelings won’t go away, but I want to stay near Reo however I can. 

Until the end. 

“What?” Reo asks, incredulous. “What did you say?”

Nagi sighs. His body feels coated in sweat, worse than any gameday, and the air conditioner blowing against his skin causes him to shiver.

“Reo’s girlfriend–”

Reo shakes his head, cutting him off again. “I don’t have a girlfriend, Nagi.”

“...Boyfriend?”

A rosy flush creeps up his neck and lands in his cheeks as he sputters. “W-what are you talking about?”

Ah, so he has a boyfriend. 

A boyfriend that isn’t me.

Somehow, that stings worse.

“I-I thought you were talking about second selection,” Reo keeps sputtering, words spilling from his mouth like water running over his fingers, unable to be contained. “ Where did this come from?”

“Hah?” Nagi utters. 

Second selection ?

“A-and besides, what about you? Huh? I didn’t think you had it in you to pursue anyone, let alone older women.” Reo laughs, but it sounds anything but cheery. “Although, I guess an older woman would be less of a hassle to date. So what, have you been meeting up with fans or something?”

Nagi grips the sheets around him to stay grounded as his head begins to spin. 

“ Hah ?”

Now he was confused. 

“I don’t like older women.” He answers carefully, nearly following up with ‘I only like you’. He swallows it down, cringing at how heavy the words feel while Reo’s gaze is stuck to him now. Like a viscous oil, it coats Nagi’s skin, rubbing him raw and weighing him down. He has always been content to swim with the current, following Reo’s siren song wherever it guides him. His sun, his sovereign light, and it’s not until this moment that a realization hits him with the force of a tidal wave. 

Reo is swimming them in circles. 

“Reo–”

“So who is it then? I assumed relationships would be–”

“Reo.” Nagi stresses, feeling fed up. “ Listen , please.” There’s more emotion in those three words than Nagi has exhibited in the past year, and the urgency forces Reo to silence. His expression is pained, eyes wide, and Nagi is left wondering how to fix it. He swallows his nerves and comes to a stand. He steps toward Reo before coming to his knees at the foot of Reo’s bed. The flush returns to Reo’s cheeks; the color of anger? Of resentment? Nagi can’t be bothered to discern. He’s at his crossroads, and he’s ready to choose. 

“Reo, I like you.” He speaks into his lap as he wrings his hands together. He brings one to the back of his neck and rubs; the skin is burning. “I like you, a lot.”

Reo doesn’t speak, surprisingly, and Nagi continues, unable to look up at him just yet. He needs to get this out first. 

“I thought you knew, and it was making you uncomfortable. I thought…I thought maybe you had someone else.” He can barely hear his own voice over his own heartbeat. Surely Reo can hear it too? 

“I…I want to be with you, Reo. However I can.” He continues, feeling stupid and hot as he confesses from the floor. A knight before his prince, offering his bleeding heart in his hands. “I…I can’t promise these feelings will go away, but–”

“What?!”

Nagi looks up then, surprised to see Reo’s face mere centimeters from his own. His cheeks are undeniably red, pupils dilated and wide, and Nagi blinks, wishing he could take a picture to document this beauty.

Cute…

“N-Nagi, what–? You–?” He grips Nagi’s shirt collar with his hands, pulling him closer. Nagi’s eyes widen, searching Reo’s features for the answer he has yet to vocalize. 

“Um… Reo?” 

Reo’s eyes flit between Nagi’s eyes, his lips, the curve of his bangs. Finally, he releases his hold, letting Nagi sink back to the floor. Reo pulls his legs into his chest, focusing his view on the nearby wall. 

“Nagi, you… you mean all that?” 

Nagi tilts his head to the side and wipes his sweaty palms on his sweatpants. 

“Yeah, of course I do Reo.”

“You really mean it?”

“...Reo, I’m just saying what’s on my mind…”

You’re at a crossroads…

“...Get up here. Sit.” Reo commands. He still isn’t looking at Nagi, but he moves one hand to pat the space beside him. Nagi stands on shaky legs before sitting next to Reo. He focuses his eyes on the space between them.

“...So…” Reo starts, and his voice is muffled by the cotton of his sweats. “Your type?”

Nagi kicks his legs out, watching the way the fabric stretches.. 

“Mm… I thought it was obvious.”

“I want to hear you say it.”

Nagi affords a glance at Reo, eyes tracing the curve of his cheekbones that are painted pink. 

“Caring, nurturing, motherly …that’s obviously Reo.”

He watches Reo sink into himself more as he tucks his face into his chest.

“...That’s what you think of me?” 

Nagi hums. “Reo spoils me…Cares about me…I’m Reo’s treasure, right?” He reaches a hand out toward Reo, stopping in the space between them. He wants to touch him, feel his warmth, press his feelings into Reo’s skin. He swallows when Reo shifts his head, just enough for lavender eyes to peek over the folds of his sleeve. 

“...And, you…like me?”

Nagi’s hand falls away, resting palm up on the bed. “Yeah.”

“Like me how?”

Nagi sighs. Reo can be a pain sometimes. 

“I want you, Reo. My fortune was about you, my heart is for you. I don’t know what else you want me to–”

His words are cut short when he feels a warmth press against his lips. His eyes widen in disbelief, as if the view in front of him isn’t real, as if Reo isn’t kissing him right now. He can’t blink, afraid that they’ll open to a world where this isn’t real. He scans Reo’s features now that they’re closer than they’ve ever been; his soft lashes cast delicate shadows across his rosy cheeks, and his cute brows are furrowed in concentration, like this is the hardest task he’s ever accomplished. Taking it all in, Nagi can’t comprehend how anyone would want to close their eyes when this is the view. His breath hitches against Reo’s lips when Reo’s hand slips into his palm and calloused fingers wrap around his own. They’re smaller than his, filling the spaces between so perfectly. He glances down just as Reo pulls away. He pulls away, embarrassed, and Nagi runs his thumb across Reo’s. 

“Um… so…” Reo starts to say, his gaze fixed on their contact. Nagi hums as he draws small circles on Reo’s skin, calming his own racing heart. He feels light, like he’s taken his first big breath after sinking for so long, suddenly buoyant and free. 

“I like you, Reo.” He affirms, and Reo finally looks at him. 

“...I like you too, Nagi.”

They sit in silence, taking turns squeezing each other’s hands tenderly, like neither wants to let go. They’re tethered like this, and Nagi holds onto him like it’s his only lifeline in a sea of feelings. 

“So…I guess those cards are legit, huh?” Reo finally asks with a small laugh. “Mine was so about you, it was almost painful.”

“Ehh? I didn’t think so.” Nagi answers softly, tracing the ridges of Reo’s knuckles until they disappear behind his own. “Mine was obvious too.”

“As if!” Reo snorts, squeezing Nagi’s hand as he speaks. “Your card was called The Empress ?!”

Nagi tilts his head, fighting the small smile that threatens to crest on his lips. “People call you my loving, caring wife. Is it really that far off?”

Reo sputters, pushing his free hand into Nagi’s shoulder with enough force to bruise. 

“Ow.”

“Serves you right,” he grumbles. He brings a leg to his chest and rests his free hand across it, hiding his smile behind it. “So, I guess we have Kurona and Hiiragi to thank for this, huh?”

Nagi groans. “I hate that guy, don’t even say his name.” Still holding Reo’s hand firmly, he twists his body to lay down, using Reo’s thigh as a pillow. “Comfy…”

Reo sits back, beaming down at Nagi, and he really is like the sun. “C’mon, he’s our teammate. I don’t like him much either, but you have to try and get along.”

Nagi blinks, meeting Reo’s eyes. “...He’s on our team?”

This time, it’s Reo’s turn to blink. “...You little….” He laughs, loud and bright, and Nagi’s entire chest warms at the sound. Reo surprises him as he leans his face toward Nagi. 

“C’mere,” he coaxes as he gives Nagi’s hand a squeeze. He doesn’t need to say it twice. When Reo begins to move away, Nagi’s other hand shoots up, wrapping around his neck as his fingers tangle in Reo’s hair.

“N-Nag–mmph!” He utters as Nagi pulls him back in, craving more. He moves his lips against Reo’s, growing bolder as he licks into him; the small contact he makes with Reo’s tongue electrifies him with an unfamiliar energy, surging and white hot, and he’s met with a sudden thought. When it comes to kissing Reo, he wants to be anything but passive.