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He knows he should be happy. He wants to be happy, but he just can't. Not like this. It was supposed to be him, the eldest, to be the first to get a real job and move out and be the inspirational role model for the younger ones. But fate decided otherwise, and the third youngest was the one doing so.
Osomatsu chews his food angrily, staring down at his plate, refusing to even look up at his family. Their voices grate on his ears and he wants to leave, but at the same time he wants to stay. He wants to stay with his brothers and parents forever. Dammit, Choromatsu, why do you have to leave us?
Osomatsu quietly asks for the soy sauce, but his voice is drowned out by the others, who are flooding Choromatsu with gifts. Anger slowly creeps into Osomatsu and he tightens his grip on his chopsticks. So many emotions course through him - anger, sadness, confusion, envy - but no joy or pride. Shouldn't he be feeling those things? Shouldn't he be proud of his little brother for being the first to graduate from their NEET status? Shouldn't he be proud that he's finally moving out and going to live on his own?
He asks for the soy sauce again, a little more sternly this time, but once again is not heard. They're off laughing about something, and Jyushimatsu begins to run around the room excitedly.
God, they're so annoying!
So then shouldn't you be glad they're moving away? They're all gonna move out after this, you know. So aren't you happy?
But no, he's not happy, because he never wanted this. He always knew this day would come, the day he feared most. He's not ready to lose them. He never wants to leave his beloved brothers.
Jyushimatsu bumps into him. Irritation prickles under his skin.
How pathetic you are. Your younger brother got a job before you did and now has his own apartment.
Another bump. Osomatsu grits his teeth.
You can't stay NEETs forever. You can't live with your parents and brothers forever. You have to grow up.
Jyushimatsu bumps roughly into him again, accidentally knocking the sushi out of his chopsticks. Something inside Osomatsu snaps , and a tidal wave of emotions crashes into him. He quickly stands up from his seat and, without warning, lands a kick square on Jyushimatsu’s back with so much force he’s sent flying backwards to the other end of the room. With no hesitation, Osomatsu charges over to him and hoists him up by the collar of his hoodie.
“You made me drop my sushi, Jyushimatsu!” He doesn't care how childish or stupid the complaint sounds.
Jyushimatsu looks up at him, sheer fear in his eyes but that stupid grin still plastered on his face.
“S-sorry…” He stammers out, unsure of what exactly to do because he's never seen his brother like this.
Osomatsu glares down at him, thinking about punching him when a firm hand is placed on his shoulder.
“Stop it.”
He knows who it is, and turns to say something vile at him, but before he can Karamatsu punches him square in the jaw, and Osomatsu is sent flying into the door, knocking it down. The left side of his jaw throbs painfully and he's already picturing the bruise that will be left there for weeks.
“Wh-what the- hey!” Karamatsu grips the collar of his hoodie and drags him along by it, ignoring the string of curses and threats Osomatsu throws at him as he drags him outside into the cool, spring night, slamming the door shut behind them.
Osomatsu tears himself out of Karamatsu’s grasp immediately and backs up from his, fists clenched tightly.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Karamatsu demands. Osomatsu's eyes widen slightly in surprise because he's never seen Karamatsu so angry. Fear prickles in his chest but he shakes it off.
“None of your business,” Osomatsu spits back, glaring at him. Karamatsu his unfazed by his death stare.
“Why the fuck did you kick Jyushimatsu? This isn't like you, get your shit together.” Karamatsu snaps at him, crossing his arms against his chest. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” He repeats.
“Shut up!” Osomatsu shouts, his arms shaking. Tears well up in his eyes, but he quickly blinks them away before Karamatsu notices.
The younger one heaves a long, heavy sigh before slowly approaching Osomatsu.
“Talk to me,” he pleads softly, eyes furrowing in concern. “You think you're the only one upset with the change?”
Osomatsu’s eyes glance to the side for a moment before returning to Karamatsu. He says nothing, thinking of what to do or say next, trying to calm himself down but to no avail.
Karamatsu waits patiently. After a few more seconds of silence, Osomatsu takes a small step forward, before suddenly reaching his arms out and snapping his hands around Karamatsu’s neck, baring his teeth in some sort of snarl as he squeezes his brother’s neck. Karamatsu’s eyes go wide with shock and he makes a gross choking noise. His knees almost buckle underneath him but he manages to remain upright. Osomatsu squeezes harder, blood roaring in his ears and pulse beating so hard he can feel it throbbing in his neck. He wants Shittymatsu to die, with the last sound he ever hears being the sound of his own trachea being crushed by his older brother.
His older brother, choking him to death. Choking his sweet, younger brother to death because he can't get over the other younger one moving out.
“Oh god,” Osomatsu whispers, letting go of his brother’s neck. “What-” he backs up, hands dropping to his sides. Karamatsu inhales sharply, gulping in fresh air.
“I'm so sorry,” he whispers, tears welling up in his eyes. “Karamatsu!” He sobs, burying his face in his hands.
He feels Karamatsu wrap his arms around him in a tight embrace. “I'm here,” he murmurs as Osomatsu sobs into his shoulder.
"I don't want him to leave," He sobs softly.
“We all don't,” Karamatsu assures him, his baritone voice soft and sooting. He rubs circles into Osomatsu's back in a calming manner. “I'm sure Choromatsu doesn't want to leave us,”
Osomatsu heaves a heavy sob, his tears dampening Karamatsu’s shirt.
“I'm an awful brother…”
“You're not!” Karamatsu replies immediately. “You're the best brother anyone could ask for.”
Osomatsu shakes his head, saying nothing. His sobs have reduced to small hiccups and shaky breaths.
“Listen, we're all upset. We all don't want to part ways. But we can't stay NEETs forever, you know that. We have to grow up,” Karamatsu sighs softly. “That doesn't mean we'll stop seeing each other. We'll always be there for each other, living together or not.”
Osomatsu has calmed down completely at this point, and he sighs.
“I'm sorry,” he mumbles.
“Apologize to Jyushimatsu, not me.” Karamatsu replies, still upset over him being kicked. He slowly lets go of Osomatsu. “Let's go back in,” he turns to head back to the house.
“Karamatsu,” Osomatsu says suddenly. Karamatsu stops, but doesn't turn around. Osomatsu clears his throat, hesitating a little. “Thank you,” he says. “For listening.”
Karamatsu runs a hand through his hair. “Your welcome,” he replies.
“I love you, little brother.”
“I love you, too, nii-San. Now come inside.”
A few days later, as he watches Karamatsu pack his bags and walk out, he silently wishes he killed him that night.