Chapter Text
Prologue
I stared at the blood on my hands, I should have known that the blood of friends or enemies was no longer distinguishable. I should have gotten used to the color on my hands by now, in recent years he had been the closest thing I had to company, real or not.
Even so, after everything, his blood was the only one I thought would ever stain my skin. He had been my hero, the invincible man who had taught me everything I knew. Who had adopted me as his own family, that was before.
Before betrayals and deaths, before the rupture where words were spoken and actions were taken, actions that could not be undone. Of the man who went from hero to liar.
And yet I could never have imagined his blood on my hands.
- I'm sorry. - I listened and met his eyes.
- It doesn't matter anymore. - I said, trying to convey a confidence that didn't exist in me.
- Maybe I can give you one last present after everything. - I felt something being placed in my hands and found the object covered in blood. - You're all I had.
- Alejandro.
Months before...
The day dawned sunny and calm, a new thing for New York at this time of year. I woke up before the alarm clock went off on my cell phone and frowned at the ceiling in my room. I'd been doing this long enough for my body to get used to it, but that didn't mean that getting out of bed had become any easier; on the contrary, every day seemed to get worse. I always found a new pain in my body that felt like it had been run over and beaten up.
I got out of bed trying to stretch as many muscles as possible and walked towards the balcony. I opened the double doors and let the morning breeze in, swaying the dark curtains and bringing the scent of the trees from the park far below. I took a deep breath and leaned against the railing, watching the day rise in the distance. This was probably my favorite time of day, where everything was still slightly slow and without all the noise of the city, where I could have a coffee in peace and go through my stretching routine before Tai Chi. It was also the time when I missed Amanda the most. Every morning so many years ago, we'd meet up to go through the positions together. I sighed as I turned away from the railing, that had been years ago, the ones that remained in a past that I avoided dwelling on.
I went back to my little morning routine before I allowed myself to sink into old thoughts and regrets. After tidying up my room and doing my personal hygiene, I went downstairs to prepare a breakfast that wasn't too heavy before I left for the gym. While I was waiting for the coffee to wear off, I took my cell phone out of my pocket and quickly went through my calendar. Sighing at the fact that I couldn't see anything important written down, I put the phone on the kitchen counter. I should probably find something to do before I run off to this apartment. That hadn't been a problem until now, since I'd spent the last five years trying not to put down roots in any of the places I'd been. But now, for some reason, I had come back to NY with the intention of staying as long as possible. I could blame the convenience of already owning an apartment or being closer to people I needed to look after for the decision to settle down. Coming out of my ramblings, I had breakfast and tidied up before leaving for the gym, which wasn't too far from the apartment. I could use the short distance to warm up and prepare for my workout.
I was on my way back to my apartment when I noticed movement out of the corner of my eye. That old feeling of being watched and followed was still ingrained in every pore of my body. I didn't change the pace of my walk, waiting to see what the next move would be. Hoping to lure whoever it was closer, I decided to enter the small café I always frequented on the way home. I walked through the door looking for a table in the corner. Seconds after sitting down, Grace came towards me with a cup of coffee in her hands. Before asking me if I wanted anything else, she turned to see who had come in by the sound of the door bell.
So the intention wasn't to take me by surprise, I thought as a tall man in a suit walked through the front door and scanned the café until his eyes met mine. Without taking his eyes off me, he walked towards me. He tried to disguise his nervousness with a relaxed posture as he sat down, but he couldn't keep the worry out of his eyes. Jimmy always said how the eyes could reveal much more than we were willing to give.
- That's all for now Grace. - I thanked the waitress as she walked away with a polite nod. - Well? - I turned my attention to the man sitting in front of me.
- I thought you'd be harder to find. - He said in a deep voice.
- I'm not trying to hide, Nick. - I said, raising an eyebrow.
- No, you're not. - He said, leaning back in his chair.
- What brings you to me? - I asked bluntly, if I had taught the young man in front of me anything it was that I hated them.
- Spencer is dead. - Nick got straight to the point. I didn't try to hide my shocked expression when I heard that. Spencer was one of the most experienced guys still in action.
- How? - I asked simply.
- A few days ago on an overseas operation. - Nick shifted in his chair, looking uncomfortable. I raised an eyebrow, waiting for him to continue. - He asked me to give you this. - Nick said, taking an envelope from his inside jacket pocket.
- Oh, shit. - I let go as I held the envelope. Spencer and I had been friends for a long time. We'd met at the gym. I'd been to his house many times and even met his wife, to whom I was godmother at their wedding. I knew that they had a daughter who should be six or seven now. Even after leaving the team, Spencer still sent me news and photos of the little girl and his wife, even though I had stopped replying. I knew from the letters that Miranda, his wife, had died about four years ago, leaving father and daughter alone in the world. Spencer had no relatives, nor did Miranda, as far as I knew. Now with his death, little Caitlyn was orphaned and alone in this world.
- The little girl, Caitlyn, has a rare disease, she is hospitalized at NYU Langone. - Nick said sounding even more worried.
- What else did he tell you? - I asked without taking my eyes off the letter in my hands.
- I think everything he wanted is written there. - Nick said, getting up.
- Nicolo. - I called out before he left.
- Don't worry, I don't intend to tell anyone that we had this conversation. - There was a smile on his face.
- It wasn't that. - I said, looking away from him. - Are you all right?
- I'm fine, you've trained us well Sel... - He stopped before he said it. - We're fine. - He added.
- Well, take care out there, Nick. - I said goodbye and watched him walk to the door and stop.
- She misses you. - He said before turning the knob and leaving.
I stared at the door until Grace returned with my order, placed everything on the table and left silently. I let out a sigh and concentrated on the food in front of me, and obviously on the letter next to it. I had no idea what Spencer might have left for me, but my instincts told me that I probably wouldn't like it. I decided to have my breakfast first and only open the letter when I got home.
The first thing I did as soon as I entered the apartment was to take a shower and see if there was anything to do around the house. All this to try and avoid the contents of that letter as much as possible. As soon as I settled down on the sofa, I pulled the letter from the coffee table, opened the seal and pulled out the piece of paper.
Dear Selene.
I sincerely hope that this letter finds you well, although I can't say the same about myself. I know it's been a while since we last spoke, even counting my letters that went unanswered by you. I understand, I really do. If everything had happened to me, I don't know what I would have done, if anything.
I've been carrying this letter with me since the day Miranda died. In our line of work it's expected that the one who would go first would be me and not the woman I loved, but fate has a funny way of doing things and we don't have much say in that, do we? When Mirando died and it was just Cait and me, all I could think about was how I could go back, how I could work at the risk of leaving my daughter orphaned. But I had a job to do, one I was proud of and never regretted, even when I couldn't be there for the most important moments.
My dear Selene, if you are reading this letter, it means that I am no longer in this world and what I feared most has happened: my daughter is alone now. First of all, I'd like to apologize for what I'm about to ask, and knowing you as I do, I imagine you already know what this is about. There is no one else I trust enough to look after my little princess, so Selene, I beg you. Take care of my daughter, give her what I can't, love and a safe home. For I know that no place in the world is as safe as the one you guarantee, even if you think otherwise. If you don't, my child will go into the system and we both know what happens to most children.
Please Selene, don't let this happen. In the name of everything we've been through, for the friendship we've built up over the years, in the name of what you've always meant to Miranda and me, take care of our daughter, make sure she's cared for and loved.
With all my love and affection for you.
Your old friend Spen.”
I'd imagined it from the moment Nick said Spencer had died, but that didn't take away the impact of reading it and confirming it. Spencer could only have lost his mind. Asking me to look after his little girl? A child I didn't even know? It was madness, more madness than I could bear sober. I got up from the sofa and walked over to the wine cellar in the corner of the room, pouring myself a shot of whisky.
I was going to kill Spencer.
It took me three days to convince myself to visit the hospital.
I drove there by sheer muscle memory and the next thing I knew I was in front of the receptionist behind the counter.
- How can I help you? - She asked with a smile on her face.
- Kelly. - I read the name tag and smiled back. - I'd like to know some information about a patient.
- Oh. - She said, her smile slightly smaller. - I'm sorry, ma'am, but we can't pass on patient information to third parties.
- Caitlyn Jordan. - I said, leaning on the counter. - Seven years old, daughter of Spencer and Miranda Jordan. She was born in California and was admitted to this same hospital about four years ago, a few months after her mother's death. Helena Belmont, godmother of the Jordan's. - I said, holding out my hand. - As you can see, I'm not a stranger, and if you can check, I think you'll find permission.
- That won't be necessary, Kelly. - I heard a voice behind my back, an extremely familiar voice.
- Sienna Price. - I said, turning to face the woman standing in front of me.
- I have no idea how long it's been. - She said with a sideways smile and planted a hand on her hip, inevitably catching my eye.
- I see you're still the same. - I said, leaning back against the counter. Sienna Price was a blonde woman of 5'10”, with green eyes, slightly curly hair and a statuesque body.
- I can't say the same for you. - She said, her eyes searching. We'd played before, a delightful little game.
- I'm afraid not, Sienna. - I said, disengaging myself and walking towards her. Sienna was one of our doctors, I didn't know if she was still active. I approached and Sienna pulled me into a tight hug.
- Are you back? - She asked, her arms wrapped around my shoulders.
- No, I haven't. - I replied in the same low tone. - Are you still?
- No. - She replied with a laugh. - It's been a long time.
- Are you going to help me here or am I going to have to try and convince the pretty girl with my inevitable charm? - I asked, looking at Kelly over my shoulder and seeing that her cheeks were red.
- Incorrigible as always. - Sienna laughed and shook her head. - Jordan is?
- Yes, did you hear? - I left the question vague, hoping she'd understand.
- Yes, we were informed. - A slight sadness crossed her eyes. - I'm not the doctor in charge of the case, but I was informed. I'm really sorry.
- Thank you. - I replied.
- Kelly, she's free to come up whenever she wants. You can let her in, just register her in the system. - She said, looking at the receptionist. - Come on, I'll take you to her room. - When she realized I wasn't following her, she stopped and looked at me with an arched eyebrow.
- I think you've misunderstood the situation, Sienna. - I said. - I didn't come here to see her. I just want to know her condition and sort out the financial details.
- You're joking, right? - She asked, now completely turned towards me.
- Sienna. - I said carefully. I saw Sienna open her mouth to retort when a nurse appeared calling her name.
- Dr. Price, I'm so glad I could find you. - The nurse said as she approached.
- Alex. - Sienna said excitedly. Her eyes twinkled mischievously and before I could open my mouth to say anything, Sienna said. - Just the woman I was looking for. - She said as she took Alex by the arm. - This is an old friend who will now be responsible for little Cait. - She said as she gave me a quick glance before continuing. - Can you show her the little girl's room and let her know about her picture? - I think both Alex and I felt bombarded. - Great, I'll see you later.
Sienna stormed off down the hospital corridors, leaving me alone with the pretty nurse. We watched the woman disappear and stared at each other at the same time, trying to understand what had happened.
- Helena Belmont. - I said with a sigh.
- Alexandra Rossi. - She said, holding out her hand and looking me up and down. - So you're the one who's going to look after Cait? - She asked with a suspicious look.
Honestly, I'd have a little chat with Sienna. The nurse looked at me with a frown, assessing me.
- Look. - I let out another sigh. - I knew her parents for years, I was close to the family, but I lost contact a long time ago. - I opted for a half-truth, it was always easier to keep a lie covered in truth.
- And yet Mr. Jordan left you in charge? - She asked, crossing her arms.
- He didn't have anyone else, I believe. - That was a complete lie. Spencer could have asked anyone, hell, he could have asked Alice. Raymond would probably have been thrilled with a sister. But no, my bastard old friend had to ask me.
I saw Alexandra analyzing me for a brief moment, whatever she saw, she didn't like it very much.
- Come with me. - She said, walking down the hospital corridor towards the elevator.
- I'd really like to wait... - I started to say and stopped when she gave me an almost murderous look over her shoulder and pointed to the elevator without stopping walking.
I walked towards the elevator, feeling defeated. I took advantage of this moment to take a closer look at the nurse who was waiting for the elevator almost impatiently. She was undeniably beautiful. She was tall, probably 5'58”, with brown hair and brown eyes. I saw a few lighter strands in her hair tied up in a low bun. Next to her lower left lip there was an adorable little dot, which gave the woman charm. Beautiful, even under the unattractive uniform she was wearing.
As soon as the elevator doors opened, she stepped inside and stared at me. I'm sure that if looks could kill, I'd be dead right now. I got into the elevator and she pressed the button for the third floor.
- She's an amazing girl. - Alexandra said, her tone harsher.
- I don't doubt it. - I said as I leaned against the back wall.
- Then why? - She asked, turning to me, a furious expression on her face, and I wondered what Caitlyn meant to this woman.
- She'll be better off without me. - I said, immediately regretting the look I got.
- Yes, I guess she really does deserve more. - She said, staring at the elevator doors once again. - Cait arrived at the hospital four years ago and has been here ever since. - Alex started as soon as the doors opened, walking down the corridor she updated me on the girl's illness. - Have you ever heard of Alistair Syndrome? ***(Fictitious illness, with some characteristics of Wiskott-Aldrich Syndrome WAS) -*** The nurse asked.
- No. - I answered, glancing at the nurse.
- Alistair is a generic disease, it attacks the immune, neurological and respiratory systems. - The doors opened onto a completely empty corridor. Alex stopped walking as soon as she passed through the elevator doors and turned her body to face me. - She has developed a series of serious infections, her immune system is not responding fully. Her lungs don't respond properly, which causes respiratory crises. The only part of the disease that hasn't fully developed in her is the neurological part, Caitlyn is very intelligent and smart, even for her age.
When the nurse stopped talking she had tears in her eyes, still unshed, and once again I wondered what Caitlyn meant to her.
- She's already lost everything she had. - She said and I felt something stir inside my chest. - She deserves to be happy, she deserves a life out there with someone who will do anything for her. - Alex said before letting go of my arm and walking over to a glass window.
I found myself following her and stopping when I saw a little girl tied to the bed by several wires connecting her to the machines. She was so small, much smaller than other children the same age as her. I stood there staring at the child who belonged to old friends. Memories of old times flashed through my eyes. The nights at Spencer and Miranda's house, while we drank wine and talked about life, the hours spent at the mall with Spencer while he looked for the perfect birthday present. The night they got married and asked me, so happily, if I would ever be godmother to their children too.
I remembered the tears on both their faces when they told me Miranda was pregnant, it was just a few days before things went completely to hell. That happiness, tears and smiles, seemed to have been in another life. Now, there was that longed-for and celebrated child, lying in a hospital bed with neither parent still alive.
I had no idea how much time had passed as I stared at the little girl. Probably long enough for the nurse to change her clothes and enter the room. Cait lit up at her presence and immediately held out her arms. I saw Alex take the little girl on his lap, taking care with the wires. I watched the two of them interact and noticed the nurse glancing at me through the glass. They seemed to be engaged in an excited conversation, with a bright-eyed Cait and Alex with a gentle, and if I could risk it, loving smile on their faces.
Caitlyn looked like her mother. Black hair, just like her eyes, the curls swaying in rhythm with the child's excitement. Unlike her mother, she had very pale skin, probably due to the lack of sun.
- I don't know how to read your expression at the moment. - I heard Sienna's voice behind my back.
- Apart from wanting to kill you? - I asked.
- You wouldn't have come to see her if I hadn't. - Sienna said, stopping next to me.
- What's their relationship? - I asked without taking my eyes off the girls.
- It was Alex who accompanied Cait from the moment she arrived. - Sienna said, resting her hands in the pockets of her lab coat. - Even on her days off, Alex only comes to see her and play with her.
- She looks like Miranda. - I let it slip.
- I can't say, I haven't had the honor. - Sienna was looking at the scene in front of us. - I'd heard she was an incredible woman.
- She was. - I said and turned to leave.
- Where are you going? - Sienna asked.
- To settle the hospital bills and make sure the child has everything she needs. - I said, pressing the elevator button.
I might not give that little girl what everyone expected and wanted, but I could make sure she had the best life money could give her.