Chapter Text
Dying is never pleasant for anyone involved. It’s tormenting either physically or mentally. Death is a rampage that offers no mercy to anyone, tearing through every soul without warning or excuse. The only comfort that death willingly gives is its certainty. You will die.
Most people only experience death once, maybe twice if you are lucky. Whether or not William Wisp is a lucky individual is up for interpretation. William has died several times now, each one more unpleasant than the last. The pain becomes normal. At times it’s unbearable and sharp, but then switches to a dull lingering effect, one that ever really goes away. The memory of that agony stays etched into his bones forever. He doesn’t really remember his first death and how it happened. He does remember how loud it was. He heard the impact of his own body meeting the rocky surface at the base of a cliff. He remembers the smell of iron and waking up in a pool of his own blood. Sometimes the back of his head still pounds as if it was still split open.
His deaths became far worse after becoming such close friends with Dakota and Vyncent. Not because of the perilous adventures that the three of them go on, but because he has to watch them mourn him. He can see the fear and worry that creeps onto their faces. He doesn’t want to see either of them cry, let alone be the cause of their tears. He wants to tell them that he is okay, but they can not hear or see him as a ghost without Ashe's help.
William does everything he can to get back to them. He can understand why they are so terrified because he is too. They never know if he will be able to come back, and William doesn’t have that answer either. He just knows he needs to get back to the two of them.
This death was not particularly kind to William. It was a gory more violent death than he really experienced before. Two gunshot wounds to the stomach sank into him before he could become intangible. The worst part? William wasn’t even being a superhero at the time. He didn’t expect a grocery store like Rusty’s to be a place for an armed robbery. The attack caught him completely off guard. He was hardly able to help, being the first one the attacker shot at. A few other people were shot at but luckily for them, they hadn’t been hit. William ghost-shaped some handcuffs and called the police. He didn’t stick around. Once all the civilians were safe, he dipped. He needed to get home.
At first, It really wasn’t that bad. Whatever adrenaline was still pumping through his body was enough to keep him moving. He had to get home. Some part of him felt surprised by the blood pouring from him. He was almost certain that he no longer had a heartbeat. Nothing was pumping this blood despite it seeping out of his body. He staggered back to the base, vision blurring and darkening around the edges. He only really noticed how bad it was when blood started to bubble in his throat. He coughed and he felt a warm liquid coat his esophagus. Red dripped down his chin as he tried to make his way over to Vyncent’s door for help He thought about going to Dakota’s, but it was late. Rusty’s is open 24/7 and the only reason William was even there was because he couldn’t sleep and was bored enough to go out somewhere.
William clutched onto his wound, realizing a little too late that he should have done more to stop the bleeding. He didn’t feel it as much as he should have. His senses have been dulling slowly but surely, he just didn’t realize it was this bad. His vision swam and his knees buckled. He hit the ground with a heavy thud and let out a tiny whimper of pain. Opening his mouth, he tried to cry for help. Instead, blood bubbled back up. He crawled, inching closer to Vyncent's door, but he was still miles away in this current state.
Fuck. He was going to die here. He was going to die right outside of his friend’s doors. The hallway no doubt had a trail of blood tracking William to this spot. His eyes began to flutter shut as he tried to inch towards the handle. The action shot a line of intense pain through his body. For better or for worse, it seems like some of his nerve endings were still working. He tried to call out again, but instead, it just came out as a choked sob. William curled in on himself and let his eyes close.
He didn’t open them again.
-
Vyncent had slept peacefully throughout the night. He felt well-rested despite how early it was. Vyncent was normally the first one up at the house. William was more of a night owl and has terrible insomnia so he rarely slept at all. Vyncent frequently found him tucked into bed staring at his phone or writing in his poetry book in the morning. Dakota’s sleep schedule was far more inconsistent. Sometimes he would sleep in until noon other days he would be up at the crack of dawn to get his pump on and make breakfast for the team. Dakota could fall asleep anywhere to and He’s notoriously difficult to wake up. Back home on Fauna, Vyncent was used to getting up early, helping with chores, and training with his father. He supposed he just ended up keeping that schedule.
Vyncent rubbed the remaining sleep from his eyes and stood up from his bed. He picked up his 'KNIFE' shirt from off the ground and threw it on. After quickly sending a brush through his hair, he tied it up in his usual hairstyle. Once he was at least presentable, he exited his room to go and get something for breakfast.
Something stopped the door from opening further. There was still plenty of space to exit so he moved to investigate. What he saw made his heart drop.
William was slumped on the ground just outside Vyncent’s door. His body had curled in on itself, one arm still reaching toward the handle, as if he'd been fighting to get inside even in his last moments. His hoodie was drenched in blood, the fabric dark and stiff where it had dried. His face was turned slightly toward the floor, cheek pressed against a thick, half-coagulated smear of red. A lot of his blood soaked into the ugly patterned carpet, but it still let out a sickening squelch as Vyncent stepped out on it.
“Shit. Will?” Vyncent’s voice wavered. William didn’t respond. Vyncent dropped to William’s side instantly, pulling him into his arms. He was so pale and cold, seemingly worse than he’d normally look. Vyncent searched for a pulse, pressing two fingers to his neck. William’s face was covered in blood, dried trails of blood dripped from the corners of his mouth.
There was so much blood.
William’s blood.
It’s all over and it made Vyncent nauseous. He pressed his hand harder to the vein in his neck but he wasn’t even sure that William would have one before he looked like this. Vyncent felt no drum beneath his fingertips. “Fuck, William. Wake up.” Vyncent begged. Nothing. “Dakota?” Vyncent tried to call out but he couldn’t quite find the volume. “Dakota!” Vyncent called out louder, hoping he would hear. He heard a slight shuffle from Dakota’s room and the door slowly creaked open.
Dakota stood there for a moment, still in his pajamas. His hair was a mess and quite literally looked like he just rolled out of bed. Vyncent watched the exact moment it all sank in for Dakota, the quick shift from sleepy to alert. Then, the sheer look of horror and then panic settled on his face. Dakota was sprinting over in a heartbeat and dropped to his knees next to them.
“W-what happened? How did this happen?” Dakota asked while trying to process William’s dead body in front of him.
“I-I don’t know. I- Fuck he was… I just found him here, Dakota. I think he was… He was trying to get to my room. He needed help and I-” Vyncent hiccupped. “I didn’t even hear him. I-I don’t know how long he has been like this. H-He has a b-bullet wound.”
“Is there someone else here? Did he go out somewhere?” Dakota spiraled now looking around the space. “I-I’m going to search around and see what I find,” Dakota explained. Vyncent gave a slow nod and Dakota dashed away using his super speed to check every room in the house.
Vyncent shakily shoved one arm under William’s knees and the other under his neck and slowly brought him close to his chest in order to carry him to the bathroom. He needed to clean up all the blood, there was so much of it. Now there was so much on him too.
“William?” Vyncent called out throwing a shot out in the dark. “A-are you here? Like ghost you?” Vyncent looked around for a moment, waiting for something to happen.
William hated this. He hated not being able to say anything as his friends panicked over his body. He wanted to let Vyncent know that it wasn’t his fault he hadn’t heard him. He wanted to reassure Dakota that the house was safe, that no one would be coming to hurt them. All he could do was watch.
It was a strange, hollow feeling, being here but not here. He could see them, hear them, feel their grief like a weight pressing against him, but there was no way to reach out, no way to touch or comfort them.
Vyncent called his name, and something in William twisted painfully. For a moment he thought Vyncent could see him. For a brief second, Vyncent stared at his ghostly form but it didn’t take long to realize that he was looking through him, not at him. He wanted to tell them he was still here, that he hadn’t just gone . But the more he tried, the more reality seemed to blur around him, like he was slipping further away with every unspoken word.
He clenched his fists, but there was nothing solid to clench. He was weightless. Useless. Trapped in the space between life and death, watching his friends break apart over him. He had to find some way of giving Vyncent a sign that he was still here. His eyes focused on the light switch. William had to focus all of his energy just to interact with such a tiny thing. It was exhausting, but he reached out a finger and flicked it on and off twice. It felt draining. Like his existence shouldn’t be able to interact with the physical world at all. He wondered how many times he could do something like that before all of his energy would fade away into nothing.
“William?” Vyncent called out, voice laced with hope and desperation. His eyes searched around again hoping to find him once again. “I… If you are here. I’m going to take your body to the bathroom and… and try to help.” Vyncent slowly rose to his feet, trying to prevent his knees from buckling. He walked to the bathroom slowly cradling him in his arms. William followed, floating behind him.
“Vyncent! I didn’t find anyone.” Dakota yelled before showing up in the doorway as well. William moved out of the way so Dakota wouldn’t have to pass through him.
“I think ghost William is here. I don’t really know, the lights flickered when I called out to him.” Vyncent explained as he gently set William in the bathtub. Dakota nodded with no hesitation.
“I’ll go find the Ouija board and get some ice,” Dakota said before disappearing just as quickly as he appeared. William hated that there was a system for when this happened to him now. That death was becoming a common occurrence. He didn’t really know how to get back, he couldn’t feel the normal pull on his soul that the Wisp form had. It was like he couldn’t access it.
“Uh... Will, if you’re here… I’m going to take off your hoodie and try to clean you up. I-is that okay?” Vyncent asked. William didn’t know how to respond to that. It’s not like he could just say yes. “Can you flick the light switch if that's okay?”
William focused his attention to the switch and turned it on and off. Vyncent nodded and then turned to the dead body in the bathtub. It was awkward to pull of the blood-stained hoodie, but Vyncent eventually shrugged it off of him. He dropped it on the bathroom floor with a wet thump and William made a mental note to wash it later.
He was wearing his skull tank top underneath and it only served to show off how scrawny William truly is. The white skull was partially stained a brownish red from the blood. It would have been a cool design if it wasn’t so gruesomely produced. His collar bones protruded too much and it was the same with his ribs. He looked dead even when he was alive.
Vyncent wet a rag in the sink and began wiping away dried blood that trailed from his nose and mouth. He was kind and gentle as if he was trying to patch him up without waking William. Unfortunately, William is not sleeping.
Dakota entered and set two large buckets of ice next to Vyncent for whenever he was ready for them. Vyncent continued working on patching up William while Dakota laid out the Ouija board and sat crisscross.
“Okay, William. Are you here?” Dakota asked.
William moved the planchette over to yes, despite the tremendous effort it took. For some reason, it was slightly easier than flipping the lights.
“Okay dude, what happened? Why did you just die in the hallway?”
“O-U-T-G-O-T-S-H-O-T” William tried to condense.
“Where?” Dakota pressed.
“R-U-S-T-Y-S- R-O-B-B-E-R-Y”
“There was a robbery at Rusty’s” Dakota conveyed to Vyncent. “Says he got shot there.” Dakota turned back to where he assumed ghost William would be. “You know, that sounds like a pretty lame way to die Will.”
“T-H-A-N-K-S” William spelled out hoping the sarcasm would come across.
“Okay. Okay.” Clearly, it did because of Dakota’s eye roll. “How do we get you back in your body?” Dakota asked.
“D-O-N-T-K-N-O-W” William continued. His movement began slowing down. “T-I-R-E-D” William explained.
“What do you mean tired? You are literally dead, Will.” Dakota questioned. William was trying to think about ways to explain the feeling in just a few words but the task felt impossible. This was far too complex to communicate in this fashion. He hesitated to move the planchette again. It felt heavy and it hurt to move it. It was like his very being ached. He wasn’t supposed to be here. He only had maybe one or two more words that he could share before this weakness would overcome him.
“S-O-R-R-Y” Is what he decided on. It didn’t help much, but that was the exact reason why he said it. He didn’t know what to do. He just wanted to stop feeling like this. He wanted to make his friends stop worrying about him. He couldn’t… and for that he was sorry.
“It’s okay William. Just tell us how to help.” Dakota assured.
William tried to spell something out but he just couldn’t. He couldn’t focus on making his hand tangible enough for him to move the piece. He felt heavy, but his body had no weight. He felt like he was sinking. Then falling. He let his eyes close, unable to stay attached to the current moment. When he opened his eyes next, he was in the spirit world.
He felt significantly better there. It wasn’t a fight to stay there he could move and interact with whatever he wanted to. He had the same weightlessness as before, but this time it felt freeing. Despite the relief his soul felt, all he could think about was getting back to his friends. He didn’t mean to leave them. Especially not like that.
“Whisperer. I was not expecting to see you here.” Mallard spoke
“I didn’t really choose to be here Mal.” William spat. He hadn’t realized how close to Mallard’s spooky Dracula castle he was. “How do I get back?”
“I’m sure you could cling to that body of yours if you really wanted. You seem to be sentimentally attached to it.”
“Well yeah! It is you know… My body,” William explained, exasperated.
“The old whisperer never had such issues,” Mallard continued. “He could come and go as he pleased to both plains of existence”
“I’m not him,” William added defiantly. “Now would you please explain how to get back to my body?”
“I understand that Whisperer, trust me. As for going back to your body… I truly think it would be unwise, Whisperer,” Mallard continued.
“Look, I know you want me to be the Whisperer and do whatever the whisperer does, but my friends are back there and they need me. So tell me how I can get back to them,” William ordered.
Mallard let out a heavy sigh, disappointed. “I’ll send you back just this once, Whisperer. But eventually, you’ll have to accept your role.” Mallard moved forward and placed one hand on William's shoulder and the other on his forehead, like how he’d seen him remove a soul before.
William blinked, eyelids heavy. He was instantly struck by an icy cold, unlike the spirit realm. He started shivering aggressively and moving to get out of the mountain of ice covering his body.
“W-William.” Dakota stuttered eyes flicking over to him. He was sitting on the toilet seat with the lid closed. His eyes were red-rimmed and he saw the remains of tear tracks on his cheeks with new ones about to spill over. The sight made Williams's eyes gloss over with tears too. He felt his bottom lip tremble and couldn’t tell if it was because he was about to cry or was extremely cold.
He was back.
Wordlessly, William reached over to Dakota as if he were a small child begging to be picked up. It felt pathetic, but he didn’t care. He remembered the last time he tried to speak and the way the blood bubbled out of his throat. He didn’t want a repeat of that. Dakota pulled him up and helped as he clumsily got out of the bathtub. His abdomen still hurt where he’d been shot but it had been bandaged and maybe even stitched up since then.
Dakota wrapped him in 3 towels and then held him in a hug, trying to offer whatever body heat he had.
“Vyncent!” Dakota called out, trying not to yell directly in William’s ear. It was still loud enough that it made him cringe slightly. After a few seconds, there were some other sounds and a few crashes of things falling over and then Vyncent appeared in the doorway. Upon seeing the two, he collided with both of them with a hug. The three of them stayed like that until William stopped shaking.
“I’m sorry,” Vyncent muttered. “Y-you were trying to come to me for help and I-”
“It’s okay, Vynce.” William coughed a little but there was no warm blood threatening to rise back up so he continued. “It was pretty fucked up for me to die outside your door. It isn’t your fault. You couldn’t have known.”
“You’re a jerk you know that?” Dakota reprimanded. “You say sorry and then don’t respond for an entire day. Will… we were starting to think that…”
“I’m sorry.” William apologized
“Stop saying that!” Dakota argued.
“Sorry”
“William!” Dakota yelled and William snapped his mouth shut. “I-I’m sorry we weren’t there sooner,” Dakota added much softer.
“It’s okay, I got better.” William joked lightly. He didn’t feel great. He felt weak and sick, like if his friends let go of him he might fall over, but he was here.
-
The first day back was pretty normal. He was constantly being shadowed by Dakota or Vyncent. He swore the two probably took shifts to make sure he was okay throughout the day. So despite the additional concern for him, they were all back to their regular schedule.
William didn’t sleep that night. He doesn’t think he can anymore. Not because of the fear of death, but because he is physically unable to. He spent most of the night staring at the ceiling fan in his room as if he could make it start spinning with his mind. There was nothing calming for him to focus on either. He couldn’t breathe anymore. He could make it looks like he was breathing, but he didn’t need to inhale or exhale. His body had no rhythm. His heart didn’t beat. He had suspicions of this before, but his pulse must have been extremely slow and faint before. Not even a short jog would get his blood pumping anymore, because he didn’t have any blood left to pump. It should have been more alarming, but it wasn’t that different from before. He hardly slept to begin with, and now he didn’t really feel winded by anything so maybe it would help him keep up with Dakota and Vyncent
William didn’t notice anything else of about his return until breakfast when he tried to pick up his spoon. He couldn’t feel it. Or notice what fingers were the ones touching it. It didn’t feel cold like it should have. It felt like nothing. It was difficult to keep his grip and required some focus. The only thing he could notice was the weight. As he examined his hand, the tips of his fingers seemed slightly purple, showing signs of decay. It made him a little sick to look at it, but it was nothing he couldn’t manage.
He ate the oatmeal that Dakota had made for all of them. It didn't taste like much. William knows it should be better than it was because Dakota was a surprisingly good cook. He supposed he had to be growing up by himself. There was no one else to cook for him so he had to learn. Vyncent could be a good cook if he grew up around here. A lot of food was new and different to him and he didn’t really understand the way the microwave worked unless he was making popcorn, but considering a main delicacy of Fauna was Rats, William and Dakota decided it would be best if they were the ones cooking.
“We should have a movie night tonight!” Dakota suggested. “We can watch that new origami movie”
“How are they still making those? Origami has been dead for a while now.” William questioned.
“Yeah, they got a new actor for him I think and then they use a mix of special and practical effects,” Dakota explained. “I’m a fan of the classics but it seems like a fun watch even if it’s bad, you know.”
“Yeah, It’s been a while since we’ve watched any new movies,” Vyncent agreed.
“Yeah… Is this a pirating situation where we find it online somewhere?” William asked.
“Probably. The Origami production studio already makes so much money anyway, they don’t really need anymore,” Dakota acknowledged
“Based,” William agreed.
-
William sat on the couch with this computer in his lap trying to find a high-quality version of this movie. It felt strange typing. He had enough muscle memory to type but he had a lot more mistakes than usual. His frustration must have been apparent on his face because it was enough to get Vyncent's attention.
“You okay, Will?” Vyncent asked while sitting next to him on the couch.
“Yeah. I’m fine.” He focused down at his hands to make sure they were hitting the right spots on the keyboard and finally was able to pull up the movie on some sketchy website with to many suspicious ads. He connected his computer with the HDMI cord and threw a blanket at Vyncent who had nestled himself into one corner of the couch.
“I’m gonna pop us some popcorn,” William announced as the movie began with some opening credits. He slunk into the kitchen, grabbed a pack of microwave popcorn from the cabinet, put it in the microwave, and hit the popcorn button. He watched from the edge of the kitchen as he waited for the timer to go off. When it did, Dakota got up too and nabbed a bowl to dump the buttery goodness into.
Meanwhile, William grabbed the bag from the microwave and struggled to open it. He knew how to. It wasn’t hard. But pinching it tight enough to pull open was a difficult task right now. After only trying for a split second, he passed the full bag over to Dakota who instantly let go of it, letting it fall unopened into the bowl.
“Ow Dude, What the hell? That was hot! Give me a warning next time” Dakota complained as he shook out his hands. Instantly he went back to opening it, but a little more careful and quicker.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to…” William began. He didn’t feel it. He glanced down at his hands noticing his fingertips were a little more red than their dull pale purple. He didn’t feel it at all. There wasn’t even a residual sting from it. Before Dakota could really process or say anything about it- “Come on, we are missing the movie,” William said, ushering Dakota back into the living room with him.
The movie was about as good as William expected it to be. Which means it was terrible, but he had a fun time laughing at it with Dakota and Vyncent. Vyncent fell asleep before it ended. His head slowly sank onto William's shoulder and for better or for worse William could definitely still feel his presence. If he had and blood left in his body his face would be beat red. Dakota seemed to have noticed this interaction and wiggled his eyebrows at William. Not wanting to wake Vyncent up, William just shot him a glare that got his message across. Dakota just smirked and turned his attention back to the movie.
When it was finally over, Dakota stretched and was about to head to his room, but William stopped him.
“Do you want to watch something else?” William asked. He couldn’t sleep anymore. He wouldn’t mind watching another movie or show or something to keep him from being bored.
“Sure,” Dakota whispered back. “Anything specific you want to watch?” He asked as he settled on the couch.
“Not really. Maybe we could just find a show or something?” William suggested, grabbing the remote in order to switch it to cable TV. They settled upon watching a random nature documentary. Luckily Dakota fell asleep before it started talking about bears.
William made no effort to move and disturb his friends’ sleep. He just stared at the TV and let all the words blur together. He stopped really processing it, but it beat starting up staring at a ceiling all night. He would have to find some sort of hobby to do to save him from his boredom. He kept clenching and unclenching his hands as if they had fallen asleep and all he had to do was wake them up. Unfortunately, that was not the case. And by morning, he was almost certain had lost all sensation in his hands. Which definitely was not good.
Vyncent started to stir and lifted his head from William's shoulder. He moved carefully as if he was trying not to disturb William. In fact, Vyncent seemed incredibly surprised to see that William already had his eyes open.
“Sorry. Did I wake you?” Vyncent whispered, his voice still a little gravely from sleep.
“Nope. I’m just feeling awake,” William replied. Vyncent squinted at him, untrustingly.
“You are never up this early.” Vyncent shot back.
“You don’t even know what time it is.” William defended.
“Okay, what time is it, William?” Vyncent asked. William sighed and dug his hand around in his pocket searching for his phone. His hands didn’t have any sensation so it was difficult to register that he had it at all. He clenched it far too tightly and pressed the power button.
“7:36,” William responded. He quickly put his phone back in his pocket before he lost his grip on it.
“So my statement still holds true. You are never up before noon and you have like, 6 cups of coffee in the evening. I’d be more likely to believe you if you told me you didn’t sleep” Vyncent said. William remained quiet which was very telling. “William…”
“It’s alright. Just had trouble sleeping. I’m sure I got a couple of hours.” William lied.
“Okay.” Vyncent acknowledged. “Just try to get a little more sleep in tonight. Your body is still recovering”
“I’m going to make some coffee. Do you want any?” William asked as he followed Vyncent into the kitchen.
“I’d take a cup” Vyncent dug in the cabinets for a box of froot loops and pulled the milk out of the fridge.
“Can you pour me a bowl too?” William asked. He didn’t trust himself to pour the milk. He hardly trusted himself to make this coffee. His hands shook more than they should have. He was terrified he was going to spill coffee grounds over the countertop. It took almost all of his focus to do simple tasks now and it was frustrating. It took him about twice as long as it should have to make the coffee, it was almost embarrassing. He does this every day. It shouldn’t be that hard. By the time he sat down to eat, his froot loops were already getting soggy.
William grabbed his spoon and this time it was exponentially more difficult. He had a tough time even picking it up from off the table. He got about three bites in before he dropped his spoon sending milk and stray loops scattering over the table. It made a loud clattering noise as the metal hit the ground. It was enough to wake Dakota. It didn’t really startle him. He woke up slowly, but the noise definitely pulled him from his sleep.
“William?” Vyncent looked concerned. He couldn’t decide if he liked the fact his friends were worried about him or hated it. They shouldn’t need to be concerned about him.
“Yeah, sorry. Just dropped my spoon.” He said as he bent down to pick up up. Thankfully he picked it up in one go and didn’t make an absolute fool of himself. He walked over to the sink and rinsed it off before moving back to his bowl. He ate slower now, and now both Dakota and Vyncent were studying him.
“Can you guys stop staring at me while I eat? It’s kinda weird,” William asked as he carefully put another spoonful in his mouth.
“Your hands are shaking.” Dakota pointed out softly. William willed his hands to still themselves by tightening the muscles in his forearms.
“Talk to us, man. Beat the bush.” Vyncent encouraged. William swallowed hard. He knew he should tell them. It was going to get worse. It already escalated this much in one night. It was bound to continue.
“I’m okay! Seriously. I just dropped my spoon” William said. It didn’t need to be a concern yet. Maybe once it does get worse, then he will tell them.
“Okay.” Vyncent didn’t look pleased, but he let it go.
-
It was fine for a while. It had been about 3 days and he hadn’t lost any more sensation. He thought it was going to stop. He was wrong to think that. He was wrong to even hope that. On the 3rd night after his most recent death, William nearly sprinted out of his room to get to the bathroom around 1 am. He emptied all of the contents of his stomach into the toilet. His throat felt raw and burned from the acid and bile. It didn’t stop until his stomach was completely drained of any and all nutrients. At some point, Dakota came in. He didn’t really process him being there fully. He was trying to talk to him. Dakota tried to ask what was wrong and if he was sick but William couldn’t stop heaving long enough to answer. His eyes watered as he tried to swallow. It burned. Dakota offered him a cup of water to try and help, but William couldn’t even keep that down.
“I’m going to go get Vynce. We might need to take you to a hospital” Dakota said before exiting. He spent hours over the toilet dry heaving as if his body was just double checking he had nothing left in him. Vyncent entered and tried to offer comforting circles into William's back but he just felt dull. His senses felt dull. He was exhausted and he had no way of relieving that tired feeling. It was probably 5 am when his stomach finally calmed down. Dakota and Vyncent stayed with him all night. Dakota offered another glass of water to him, but William just shook his head and forced back his tears. He couldn’t. Even the thought of drinking water made him nauseous.
“You okay?” Dakota asked, knowing the answer the true answer was no. He decided he didn’t like seeing his friends like this. He feels like he’s hardly seen his friends or their personalities. They just spend too much time worrying about him. Choosing their words carefully like they are afraid the wrong ones are going to break him. The worst part is that it’s probably true.
“I don’t feel very good.” His voice came out hoarse and scratchy, but it was surprisingly truthful.
“Yeah dude, we can tell,” Dakota added. William didn’t have the energy to be snarky.
“I- I Just want to go to sleep.” William resisted the urge to cry at that confession, but it was true. He wanted to go to bed. To rest and recover. He has no such luxury anymore.
“Okay. Let's get you to bed. Do you feel okay enough now? Do you want a bucket or something?”
“I-I don’t think there's anything left.” William resisted the urge to sob. It was getting worse. His body is getting worse. It’s shutting down.
“Yeah. Dakota and I are going to help you get to your room alright?” Vyncent grabbed Williams's hand and he couldn’t even feel it. He barely even realized that Vyncent was holding on to him. That thought should have made him feel butterflies, instead he felt no warmth or comfort or even the weight of Vyncent's hands.
They walked with him slowly to his room and helped him get tucked into bed. Dakota left a cup of water next to his bed, but William knew that he would not drink it.
“William, I’m forcing you to have a sleepover with me. I’m staying in your room for the night.” Dakota zoomed off and came back with a pile of blankets and pillow and plopped it on the floor. “And if you wake up and need something you can wake me up and I’ll get it for you."
“As if I could wake you up. You could sleep through fireworks, Dakota.” William argued.
“I’ll wake up if you need it. J-just try and get some sleep okay?” Vyncent sat in the room for a while too, probably waiting for William to fall asleep. So William pretended. He laid there with his eyes closed and focused on fake breathing. If he stopped, his friends would get concerned.
“I’m worried,” Dakota whispered when they thought William was unaware of the world.
“Should we take him to the hospital?” Vyncent asked. “I’m not sure what they would do for someone like William”
“He’s been acting weird since he-” Dakota had a hard time finishing that sentence. “This time doesn’t just feel like he punched a wall, You know? You two are closer, has he talked to you about it?”
“Nothing I haven’t already told you about. He shuts down every time I bring up his powers so I try to avoid it. He’ll only talk if he's the one to bring it up.” Vyncent added a little bitterly.
“He couldn’t even keep down water, Vynce. Water.” Dakota emphasized.
“I’m not going to pressure him into eating anything tomorrow. If I was sick like that, I wouldn’t want to eat anything for a while either.” Vyncent explained.
“He can’t just not eat,” Dakota argued.
“I know.” Vyncent acknowledged. “Lets j-just try and get some sleep.” Dakota nodded and laid back down on his pile of blankets. Vyncent moved close to William and carefully brushed the hair out of his eyes. His hand was delicate and cautious. His hand lingered on his cheek for a while and William did his best not to react to it at all.
“Oh my god. Just make out already.” Dakota mumbled.
“What?” He asked, drawing back his hand. William resisted the urge to whine at the loss of contact.
“Never mind. Goodnight Vyncent.”
“Goodnight Dakota.”
-
William continued to act like he hadn’t heard the conversation last night. He lay in bed pretending to sleep, letting his mind spiral until he heard Dakota get up and stretch. He felt Dakota’s gaze fall over him for a moment, studying him. Eventually, William heard his door open and close and he could only assume that Dakota decided to get up for breakfast.
William didn’t feel right. He knew what was happening. His body was shutting down slowly but surely. More of his arms felt numb now and he thought the tips of his toes were losing sensation now too. He wondered how far it went. How much the numbness would spread until he felt nothing. He wondered if he could still sense pain. He must be able to because his body ached.
His eyes glanced over to his desk, to the little jar with pencils, pens, and scissors. He stared at them for a while from his bed. He wondered if it would even matter. His gunshot had healed partially, but not fully. If he’s honest he wouldn’t mind that part going numb. He wondered if he would bleed, he didn't think that anything is left in him. The cuts probably would just split his skin. He just wanted to see. Nothing more. He wanted to feel.
William navigated to his desk slowly, careful not to trip over his own two feet. The numbness made him clumsier than he already was. It was a struggle to grab the scissors from the jumble of other office supplies. Even after getting them out of the cup, he dropped them onto the desk and it took several more times to pick them up after. Maybe it's a good thing he can’t eat anymore because he thinks Vyncent and Dakota would have to help feed him.
William stared at the scissors like they were the most interesting thing in the world. He needed to. If he wasn’t watching, wasn’t focusing his entire attention on it they would drop and fall to the table again. He opened them up cautiously and then changed his grip. He probably was holding it far tighter than he needed to from the way his knuckles turned white, but he didn’t want to drop them now. He didn’t think he could pick them back up if he did.
William turned his attention to his left arm. He started at his wrist and tried to make a tiny incision, however, he didn’t use enough pressure and all that was left was a tiny white scratch. He tried again, this time with more force. He watched his skin split unevenly, but his assumption was correct. There was no blood. No reason to patch it up. He didn’t feel it. There was no sting. He cut again, this time moving further up his arm. Somewhere between his wrist and elbow. Again there was no sensation. Just a gash with no trace of red in its ravine. He kept cutting again. and again. and again. Tiny slashes covered his arm, climbing upward slowly until finally felt something. The pain was so surprising that he dropped the scissors in shock, letting them fall to his carpeted floor.
It was up to his shoulder, the numbness. Once it gets past that, He’s certain his arms will be completely useless. He's been practicing moving without feeling for days now, but it will be far worse if he can’t even feel his shoulders. He’s been relying on muscle memory, but soon that won’t be enough.
He’s piloting a corpse. He’s not even sure if he’s William anymore. William is dead. He’s certain of that. He doesn’t feel like himself anymore. He isn’t. William died and this time he thinks that part of him stayed dead. Whatever he is now is just a poor imitation. He’s not what his friends want him to be, what they need him to be. He could try. He could try to be William.
He was surprised he could still cry. He didn’t think that he would still have that bodily function with his body shutting down the way it was. He sank to the floor, pulled his legs up to his chest, and cried. Letting out ugly sobs that he did his best to muffle. He couldn’t let his friends see him like this. They’d see what he did . He didn’t have the strength anymore to try to pick up the scissors anymore so he shoved them under his bed. Still sniffling, he shuffled over to his closet to find a hoodie that would cover all the slices he made in his arm.
Once William got his tears under control. He exited his room. He trudged down the hall slowly, trying to make sure he lifted up his feet enough to not trip over the front of his toes.
“Morning William!” Dakota called out from the kitchen. “Wow, you look like shit”
“Thanks, feel like shit too.” He responded.
“Not feeling better?” Vyncent frowned.
“Not really,” he replied while sliding into a seat at the kitchen counter.
“D-do you want to try eating something?” Dakota asked. He knew what would happen if he ate something. His body wouldn’t accept it. Whatever he ate should just come right back up.
“A piece of toast or something?” Vyncent suggested. He hated the way his friends were looking at him right now. They would be too concerned if William said no. He knew what was going to happen, but he agreed anyway. Maybe it was worth it to see the tiny sliver of hope on their faces.
“Okay,” He nodded. “I'll try it.” Vyncent placed a piece of lightly buttered toast in front of William. He stared at it. His hands shook when he tried to grab it. It was embarrassing when he held on to tight and crushed part of the crust in between his fingers. He got about three bites in before diving for the garbage can, he heaved for longer than he should have needed to. Again, it just felt like his body was making sure it was completely void of everything. No nutrients, no air, no blood.
“Oh, Will…” Vyncent looked like he was about to cry. Fuck. He didn’t want to make them cry. William wouldn’t make them cry.
“I can’t eat.” He stated, sounding about as hollow as he felt. “It won’t work anymore… I don’t think I can taste it anymore anyway.”
“What do you mean?” Dakota asked. “I don’t understand.”
“M-my body. It’s-” He began. He had to come clean. “I-I think it’s shutting down. I c-can’t feel my arms. I think my legs are-” He curled in on himself, trying to hide the tears streaming down his cheeks. Part of him wished he wasn’t crying now just so he could have tears to cry later. He probably only had so many left.
“William.” Dakota’s voice warbled. He hugged William and he tried his best to return the action. Vyncent joined in too and they just let him cry into their arms. He thinks this is the last time he will be able to feel their comfort, their weight, their warmth. He tried to soak in the feeling and store it in his memory. “We are going to figure this out.”
William was certain he didn’t have any tears left after that.