Chapter Text
"They're so stupid," Koyomi sighed, tipping her face to the sun. She sat on what felt like the top of the world, legs dangling, happy with pretty much everything except her idiot brother and his idiot friend.
"Tell me about it," Miya said. "I could do that trick when I was 10. It's not hard. When are they going to stop pretending—"
Koyomi dropped her chin and dramatically rolled her neck to look sideways at Miya, who sat beside her on the ramp, gaze fixed on Reki and Langa, who had fallen off their skateboards at least like, 100 times in 30 minutes. "You're dumb too. I'm not talking about skating. Don't you know not everything is about skateboards?"
Miya sniffed. "Of course it is. For me, at least. For you, well—I guess it's fair you'd have other things to think about. So why do you think they're stupid?"
Sighing, Koyomi gestured vaguely as Langa helped Reki up from another fall and Reki leaned against him as Langa inspected his knuckles. With a frown, Langa reached into his pocket and took out a bandage, carefully placing it on Reki's hand. "They're, like, obsessed with each other. They're basically in love, and they're either too dumb to figure it out or too chicken to admit it. Maybe both."
Miya's permanently haughty expression that he wore at the skatepark faded into confusion. "Huh?"
"Oh my god, don't tell me you're so sheltered you don't know about gay people." In a mock-serious tone, she said, "Miya, when a boy loves a boy—"
Miya sputtered. "I know about gay people. They're—"
"They're what? Are you homophobic, Chinen?"
"No. I just don't—know any."
"Are you kidding me? Basically everybody you hang out with—except me, I guess—is some flavor of fruity. You've been in the same room with Joe and Cherry, right?"
"I don't speculate about people's—you know. Preferences."
"Just say sexuality, Miya. It's not a dirty word."
Miya's cheeks reddened. He had never looked away from Reki and Langa, too entranced by their falls and fumbles, presumably, but now he focused even more intently, leaning forward a bit. Sports people were so weird. Koyomi was having second thoughts about joining the swim team. She couldn't be surrounded by these people all the time. Then again, anybody who was obsessed with anything was weird about it. Theater kids about theater. Computer geeks about computers. Reki and Langa about each other.
Finally, Miya muttered something under his breath and laid back on the concrete. He shaded his eyes and said, "I mean, I guess they do spend a lot of time together. "Reki" is pretty much the only thing Langa can write legibly in Japanese."
"That's what I'm saying!"
"Don't you think they'd be more annoying if they got together for real?"
"No. I can't stand people being oblivious. Just kiss already, jeez."
Miya frowned. There was something he wasn't telling her, but she wasn't going to push it. Miya was a pretentious little weirdo with next to no social skills, but Koyomi liked him anyway. Plus, it was kind of cool to have a celebrity friend. Small-time celebrity, but still.
And that gave her an idea.
"Hey Miya—" she said, at the same time Miya said,
"So are you gonna do anything about it? Are you gonna tell them?"
"Tell them? No way. There's no fun in that. I do have an idea, though."
The sun had started to set. Reki and Langa had given up on the new trick and were sitting, sides pressed together and knees pulled up, to watch the sunset. Koyomi caught Miya looking. "I don't know how I missed it," he muttered.
"Too busy thinking about yourself, probably."
"It's getting dark. I should go home."
"Your parents care about that? How do you go to S?"
Miya shrugged. "I sneak out."
"Ooh. Maybe you're more interesting than I thought, Chinen."
Miya stood to go and picked up his board. Koyomi worried he would leave before she mustered up the courage to share her idea, and it wouldn't come up again. She had to tell him now. She had to—
He looked down at her. "So what's your big idea?"
"Huh? Oh. That. It's dumb."
"You're not dumb."
Koyomi was glad that the setting sun could be blamed for the red tint on her skin. Miya calling her 'not dumb' was about the closest thing to a compliment Miya was capable of giving. And she didn't like Miya, not like that, but he was her only friend who was a boy, and he hated pretty much everyone, so it was just. Well. Flattering, she guessed.
She really wished she had never brought any of this up.
"Okay, but you don't have to agree, 'kay? You can say no."
"Obviously. Why are you being weird?"
Koyomi just had to get this over with. She couldn't wait to go home and hide under her blankets with one of Reki's old comic books. "Ithinkweshouldpretendtodatesotheygetannoyedandstartdatingeachothertogetbackatus." The words came out as a big jumble.
"What?"
"I think we—you and me—should pretend that we're dating because it will drive them—especially Reki—crazy, and then they'll get annoyed or jealous or whatever and it will make them realize they should be dating each other."
"You think that'll actually work?"
"I told you it was a dumb idea!"
Miya wouldn't look her directly in the eye. "It sounds complicated. You're sure you don't just want to tell Reki? Sounds way easier."
"I'm not gonna tell my brother to kiss his buddy. He'll never listen to me, let alone believe me that Langa likes him back. He might not even believe that he likes Langa. But if I'm 'dating' somebody, he'll feel like he has to protect me and he'll, I don't know, tell me I'm not old enough or try to give me advice, and maybe he'll figure it out on his own. Reki's actually pretty smart. I dunno about Langa."
Miya had been standing this whole time, but now he sat again. "No one will believe that we're dating."
"Why not? 'Cause I'm not good enough for you?"
Quickly, faster than she would have expected, Miya said, "No. Because I'm—I won't even know how to pretend."
If Koyomi was a worse person, she'd be recording this and uploading it on TikTok as soon as she got home. The great Miya Chinen showing vulnerability? Instand viral hit.
But Koyomi was not that kind of person, and besides, she didn't even use TikTok. So she said, "Then it'll be good practice for you. And when you have a real girlfriend, you'll know exactly what to do.
"Right. A real girlfriend," Miya said. After a pause, he added, "Fine, let's do it. But I'm not kissing you, and most of my money is tied up in a savings account I can't access 'til I'm 18, so I'm not paying for any dinners, either."
"Yuck, who said anything about kissing? That's fine with me. I don't want to go out to dinner. We can get ice cream and boba, and if anyone else is there I'll give you my money so you can pay. We might have to share an ice cream but that's the closest my mouth is ever getting to yours."
Miya nodded. "Okay."
"You're gonna have to figure out the money thing at some point though if you wanna date somebody for real."
"Uh huh."
"Shake on it?"
"On the money thing?"
"No, dummy, on Operation Rookie Llama."
"Operation what?"
"Rookie Llama. Sounds close enough to Reki and Langa, right?"
"Did you just come up with that now?"
"No, I've been workshopping this master plan for weeks and I'm only pretending it's a new idea. Yes, Miya, I just came up with it now. I'm brilliant and hilarious. I'm a catch. You're very lucky to have such a cool fake girlfriend."
She expected an eye roll, but Miya shrunk away, shoulders rounding as he withdrew into himself. Why was he being so weird about this? Did he have a crush on her for real or something? That would be pretty awkward. Koyomi didn't think it was that, though. She reached out and patted him on the head, which was also, objectively, an awkward thing to do. "I'm kidding. Not about the name, though. It's growing on me by the second."
Miya pulled his shoulders back a bit and nodded. "All right. Operation Rookie Llama is a go." He extended his hand.
They shook on it, and then they went to collect Reki and Langa, who were now lying on their backs, gazing up at the emerging stars. Reki had turned a little on his side to snuggle against Langa. Koyomi sighed. They were unbelievable.