Archive of Our Own

The players stayed close to their respective groups, a distance too far could remove someone from the group in an instant. Hyun-ju kept her posture straight, as much as she could, but the knowing feeling of Young-mi's eyes on her made her spine shudder. She awaited the blinding pink lights, feet grounded for fear she might fall as the platform spun agonizingly slow. Hyun-ju wished it would spin forever, that the game would come to a close, and take her vote to get out once and for all.

Despite the blaring singing of children, Hyun-ju could hear everything. Not only could she hear her own heart pacing, she swore she could hear Geum-ja’s as well, and her son was still sniffling. She wondered what number they’d have to group into next. Would it become even higher than ten? Or would it be one to a room? Five or—

“Six!”

The song had cut off even quicker than the previous rounds. Gi-hun began rounding off who would remain in the group or leave to find more people. Hyun-ju quickly turned around with the rest of her group. 

“Four women and two men, go!”

The slightly hunched lady, Jun-hee, as Hyun-ju had found out in the bathroom the previous night, from Gi-hun’s group shifted to Hyun-ju’s own. They had Yong-sik, which man would offer himself?

“I’ll go with my mom!”

After a almost-too-long silence, a man with the number 388 on his jacket raised his hand almost hesitantly.

“I’ll go with them!”

It was settled. As Hyun-ju ran with the rest of the group, she motioned Young-mi to get ahead. She wouldn’t risk her falling behind. 

Hyun-ju followed behind the hexad, peering over Jun-hee and into the open room. It was filled to the brim with their enemies. The group stood dumbfounded as the O-wearing men yelled and shut the door in their face. Hyun-ju knew she couldn’t waste anymore time.

She ran past each door, quickly glancing through each rectangular peephole for people, before finding an empty green door. “Over here! This one is empty, hurry!”

The woman on the speakers announced the seconds left, ten, and Hyun-ju wondered if time got faster once she played her first game.

The group rushed in one after the other. “Where’s Young-mi?”

“Unnie!”

Young-mi was crouching weakly on the bloody floor, her hair stuck to her face after the fall. Hyun-ju was almost entranced. The pink and purple lights gave the players anxiety, knowing once they came on, their life was on the line. But those oh so dangerous lights shone down on Young-mi, making her glow with an overload of pink.

She was beautiful.

Three.

In a single second, every frame of Young-mi’s face Hyun-ju had ever seen flashed before her eyes. It was a sign of the adrenaline pumping in her body. She pictured Young-mi, still trembling as she shakingly said her own name back during the six-legged race. Young-mi crying as they crossed the finish line, her hand in Hyun-ju’s.

Young-mi begging to be released.

“Young-mi!”

Hyun-ju sprinted. She dropped and rolled to the weaker woman, grasping her tightly.

Two.

With Young-mi now in her arms, Hyun-ju rolled back into the room as fast as she could. She could hear the rest of the group pleading for her to hurry. She didn’t care. No. She couldn’t care.

One.

The door locked. Hyun-ju looked down, desperate. Half of her believed she’d open her eyes to nothing, knowing she would never have been able to save Young-mi. The other half was begging to hear that name again. Unnie.

Opening them, she saw Young-mi, perhaps even more vulnerable than the latest vote where she had a mental breakdown. Her eyes were red, tears threatening to come out at any moment. Her hair flying in all directions, sweat making it stick to her face. Hyun-ju was engulfed in her. She realized it here. Young-mi, who had been the only player who wanted to team up with her. Young-mi, who’d been the first to call Hyun-ju unnie. Young-mi, who called her beautiful. 

Only the gunshots brought her back to reality. Hyun-ju had been cowering over a pinned Young-mi, who’d been lying back to the floor. It’d be awkward being on top of her in front of the rest of the group, but their sighs, and cry from Geum-ja, of relief told her they were simply grateful Young-mi was saved. That meant the rest of them were too.

But to Hyun-ju, their position was enough to have her heart racing. It’d been the only time it wasn't out of fear for her life. She rose, attempting to quickly pull herself up and apologize to Young-mi for trapping her. But a sudden tug at her shoulders stopped her. The tug turned into a dig, Hyun-ju felt the fingers grasp onto the green jacket.

“Unnie…Unnie…”

Young-mi let out soft but broken cries.

“Oh, Young-mi!”

Hyun-ju heard Geum-ja cry out. She moved this time, giving space for the elder women to cradle the terrified girl. Hyun-ju wanted to join them. She wanted to whisper to Young-mi, reassure her that she was okay like a mother would. She watched as Young-mi broke down in Geum-ja’s arms, biting her lip until she could taste blood.

Back on the platform, the players stood around the carousel. Hyun-ju stared at Young-mi as the woman trembled. She wanted to reach out and hold her, but her brain disagreed. Not only had the fact she almost died terrified her, but maybe Hyun-ju had too? No. It was selfish to think that. She should just let Young-mi be. Keep her safe from a distance. Unless she needs to save her life, no…weird positions will be necessary.

“Two!”

Hyun-ju held onto Young-mi’s arm. “Split up into pairs, take your son,” she told Geum-ja, who nodded and ran hand-in-hand with her son to a door. Hyun-ju kept Young-mi in front of her while holding her arm tight, but not enough to hurt her. Young-mi would make it in first this time no matter what.

They’d gotten into the yellow room before two men, Hyun-ju didn’t know them. Gasping, Hyun-ju pressed her side to the door to keep them outside. They screamed and yelled, then begged and pleaded. She could only wait for the timer to run out. Turning her head, Young-mi’s eyes met hers. Those shaken up eyes. She must’ve taken it the wrong way, because she shut her eyes and ran to the door beside Hyun-ju.

“Young-mi?” Hyun-ju questioned. Young-mi wasn’t in danger, she’d make sure of that, but what was she doing?

“Unnie, I’ll help you!” Young-mi kept her side to the door so she was facing Hyun-ju, despite her eyes staying closed. As if she was imitating her. Hyun-ju took advantage of that and analyzed her features. Young-mi’s cheeks were chubby, she had small bags under her eyes, and her lips were full but quivering. Young-mi was often anxious, cried in her sleep, and prone to accidents. But she was brave. She’d been brave during her game of Ddakji, when she pleaded to go home, and she was brave now.

—

The walk down the stairs and into the main room was silent, as it always was. But Hyun-ju felt tension she hadn't felt before as she stared at the shorter woman in front her. She’d never felt that before. Why was she now? What was wrong with her? Hyun-ju’s last crush was the popular girl in her middle school. It was notably before she transitioned, but she’d experienced instances of body dysmorphia that, after being outed about after telling her male best friend, she’d never told anyone else.

That girl, Hyun-ju didn’t even remember her name, was nothing like Young-mi. In fact the complete opposite. Yet, her feelings were just, if not even more, as strong.

“Ah!”

“Guh! Hey! Why’d you stop? You’re holding up the line!”

Getting lost in her daydreams. She had it bad.

“Uh, sorry.”

—

Back in their beds—you could barely call it a living room—the players awaited the pink guards’ arrival.

In Hyun-ju’s peripheral, she could see Young-mi was fiddling with the sleeve of her jacket. It probably meant she was still shaken up about the Mingle game.

“Unnie.”

Before she could let her mind race, Young-mi spoke. Hyun-ju nodded to communicate that she was listening.

“I’m sorry.”

What? Why?

“I fell during the game. There was barely any time left. If you hadn't…saved me in time, we- everyone…would have died. T-thank you, unnie.”

Hyun-ju shook her head and grasped Young-mi’s hands on her own. It made her shiver how they fit snug like a puzzle. “No, it’s okay. You shouldn’t apologize.” Young-mi’s eyes stayed glued to her face. “What matters is that you’re okay. We’re all okay. It’s stressful, I’m sure. Um, you can talk to Geum-ja if you’re not feeling well. Or…me.”

Young-mi mumbled something incoherent, but nodded before Hyun-ju could question it. She let go of the latter’s hands; that was all the conversation she could handle for now. Not just because of her nerves racing as if she were a child, but because the guards would soon come in to congratulate their “victory.”

As seconds passed, the final team, Gi-hun’s in fact, walked in and the guards soon followed. They congratulated the players and announced the new prize money amount. “₩35,600,000,000,” the screen displayed. 

“Unnie.” Young-mi looked hesitant.

Hyun-ju understood. She was going to vote X this time. She knew it was necessary if she wanted to rebuild her life, but wearing the O badge felt shameful amongst her acquaintances. “Mm. That’s enough for me. I’m done with the games.” There was a small pause. “I can’t imagine what I’d do, or feel, if it’d been you.”

Young-mi’s lips parted the slightest.

“The vote will once again be conducted in reverse order of your player numbers…To ensure fair and democratic voting, we will not tolerate any disruptions from this point onward.”

With each ding and beep, the separated crowds grew frantic for their side. The final vote was 001’s. Hyun-ju watched, Young-mi and the rest of the group by her sides. Hyun-ju held out a hand behind her, where Young-mi was. Despite no lives being on the line, the single vote could determine whether or not the bloodshed continued. 

Young-mi took the hand in hers, and intertwined her fingers with the taller woman. Hyun-ju resisted looking back, fearing she wouldn’t be able to tear her eyes away. She simply held Young-mi’s hand tight, rubbing a thumb across the side of her palm.

“50-50”

Screams of both joy and disappointment were heard. To Hyun-ju, they were mere background noise over the sound of her blood rushing and heart racing. She heard Young-mi and others on their side sigh in relief.

“Hold up. It’s a tie. What happens now?” The crowd of players turned to the pink guards.

“‘In the case of a tie, players will vote again.’ To give you some time to think, the vote will be conducted tomorrow. Until then, please think carefully about your future.”

Any excitement of being released quickly dissolved, and players slowly got back to their beds in preparation for lights out.

—

Darkness filled every corner of the enormous room, the empty middle space now resembling a void. Hyun-ju tossed a couple times. Nope, she couldn’t fall back asleep. It felt early, but not next-game-start early. She needed the bathroom.

Picking herself up from the mattress and trailing down the metal steps, she approached the light peeking through a singular glass window. She knocked on the door, “Excuse me, I need the bathroom.”

“No entry. Players are currently on lockdown.”

“Please,” Hyun-ju sighed. Her tummy was now churning, gurgling, and it made her feel gross. Suddenly she heard footsteps approaching her, and the door in front of her had opened.

The footsteps were Geum-ja’s, who’d left her bed to, Hyun-ju assumed, use the restroom as well. The guard must not have wanted to put up with Geum-ja’s begging again, so much so that they had opened the door as soon as they saw her. 

“Oh. Um, thank you,” the gray haired woman chuckled, recognizing her influence. She turned and whispered, “Don’t worry, Geum-ja’s got you.” Hyun-ju half-sighed, half-giggled.

“Actually,” a familiar soft voice spoke up, “I need the bathroom, too.”

Hyun-ju looked back down at the woman hiding behind her. So did Geum-ja.

“Young-mi! Ah, come here.”

The guard had opened the door for one woman and let in three. Hyun-ju could sense the regret seeping from them. The woman walked together to the chambers.

“Well,” Geum-ja said, “I didn’t really need to use the toilet. I just came to help out Hyun-ju,” she laughed. “But, if I don’t go now I’m sure it will come back to bite me later.” 

Her words almost felt like a TMI to Hyun-ju but she only nodded lightheartedly. She felt grateful to be treated just like one of them here. 

Her stomach grumbled. She put a hand over it and groaned softly.

“Oh, Hyun-ju?” Geum-ja asked. “Are you okay, what's wrong?” Her face shifted into a mix of confusion and shock. “C-could it be you’re also…? N-no, how does that even work, ah,” she mumbled.

“W-what? No, no, I just– um.” Hyun-ju felt flustered. “I think it was the food. It didn’t fill me up.”

“Ah, that’s right. What’s wrong with those guards? What they give us is barely enough to feed you youngins.”

Hyun-ju didn’t consider herself young. Perhaps to someone like Geum-ja, a survivor of the Korean War, Hyun-ju was still a kid in her eyes. Geum-ja patted her back and reassured her that she’d offer her drink or a piece of food next time, which the latter humbly declined. 

With Geum-ja now walking to the stall, she came into view. Young-mi stared, dumbfounded, at Hyun-ju. Cold water. Hyun-ju needed some cold water on her face right now. The sensation as the icy touch met her warm, pink cheeks was pleasant.

“Unnie.” 

Hyun-ju wiped the excess drops away with her palms and dabbed her face with her jacket’s sleeve. She turned to Young-mi, she had to face her eventually. This wasn't middle school where she could gush over a hug or graze of the hand in her journal. This was a death game. A death game where she just so happened to meet the second woman to make her heart pulsate out of genuine affection and want, and not over the adrenaline of the possibility she wouldn’t watch tomorrow come.

“During the game, that roll you did, where did you learn that? You’re really fast,” Young-mi swallowed.

Of course. Had she pulled that stunt anywhere outside a death game, it’d be outright goofy. That had to be what Young-mi was thinking. She couldn’t have also thought her heart would pump out of her chest being under Hyun-ju, right?

“I used to serve in the army. It was safest for us to roll and protect our comrades with our bodies. I’m sorry if it was uncomfortable, I shouldn’t need to do something like that again if it’s not to protect you, o-or anyone else.”

Young-mi sighed. “It didn’t hurt,” she paused. It became uncomfortable, because Hyun-ju saw she wanted to say something. “I wanted to–”

The bathroom stall lock clicked and the door opened, Geum-ja following as she came to the sink to wash her hands.

“Ah, are you ladies still occupied? Should I wait for you here?”

“Oh it’s–”

“It’s okay.” Young-mi cut her off before she could respond, seemingly by accident from the look on her face. “You should go back. We’ll be okay here. Thank you.” She said that, but Hyun-ju could see her palms quivering.

Geum-ja gave a heartfelt smile. The flowing water came to a halt as she walked to the door and made her way out, leaving the two women alone with suffocating tension.

Hyun-ju spotted Young-mi looking right at her, but she walked to a stall without even glancing in her direction. She had to say something, it shouldn’t feel awkward, but Hyun-ju realized long ago she was the worst when it came to being straightforward. Imagining where that kind of attitude could’ve led her—left alone at a party, passed out in a club, injured in an alleyway—made her heart drop to her stomach.

Still looking at the red painted stall, Hyun-ju asked, “Y-young-mi, are you going to use the bathroom?”

“I…I don’t need to. I came to…see you.”

Young-mi was flushed and slightly sweaty, but her words came out confident despite the pauses. It made Hyun-ju’s head reel.

“When you saved me, even though it could have gotten you killed, us killed, I thought, ‘Is unnie the angel sent to protect me?’ I was grateful. Still, I wanted you c-closer.”

Hyun-ju remembers: Fingers that pried into her shoulders stopped her from removing herself from the woman underneath her. Young-mi didn’t want her to leave?

“Then we came back here, a-and I started thinking, while I slept, about the way you did it.”

“On top,” she squeaked. “And I was warm. I took off the jacket, but it didn't help.”

If Hyun-ju was anything like Seon-nyeo, she’d start begging the gods for any help. Any direction to go. Any step to take. She tried to ignore her feelings for Young-mi, believing there had been no point in trying to keep them lit. She told herself Young-mi was only being kind, but when she called her unnie, called her beautiful, she broke down as she could only watch as her walls came undone.

“Hyun-ju.”

Young-mi had gotten closer without Hyun-ju realizing, and now she was almost up to her chin. Hyun-ju tried to pull herself back, but felt the tile wall behind her. Every corner she looked, the miniature girl still appeared in her peripheral, blurry. She may as well not waste the view.

And god, had she been grateful. Grateful to be chosen by Young-mi, as if she were special. To stand out in a crowd, and not for the wrong reasons. She could look at her forever. Hyun-ju imagines; she’d never get tired of kissing her full pink lips, or running her fingers down her short black hair. 

“You never underestimated me. You called me brave, but you’re strong. Hyun-ju, you’re humble and sweet. I-I really think you’re beautiful in and out. I th–”

She cut herself off. Hyun-ju hadn’t even realized how heavy she was breathing.

“I like you, Unnie.”

Hyun-ju lowered her shoulders, staring lovingly at the woman. Her eyelids were nearly shut, Young-mi’s words having almost lulled her to sleep entirely. She set her hands on the latters hips, and she gasped.

Never had Hyun-ju been lucky. Isolated, fired, homeless, it was hard to think of any achievements. But now, with Young-mi’s—still quivering, Hyun-ju giggled at the thought—lips finally on her own, that’d all been thrown out the window. For a moment.

Right now, she felt like the luckiest woman on the planet.

The kiss was chaste, and Hyun-ju barely noticed that Young-mi pulled away rather quickly. Fearing it was in bad faith, she immediately opened her eyes, but Young-mi hadn’t looked disgusted or mean. Her eyes stared directly into Hyun-ju’s with furrowed brows and a pout. It was adorable to see her like this, Hyun-ju couldn’t help but laugh. That was until she realized she’d been completely silent throughout Young-mi’s entire confession.

“S-sorry, are you okay Young-mi?” She lifted a palm to her cheek.

“Are you?”

The question came out quick, almost energetic but her tone was just as concerned. Hyun-ju shook her head, embarrassed. Realization of everything that just happened finally hit her, and like a brick. The confession, the kiss. They’d either been in here for five minutes or 30. Her feet gave out at the jumbled thoughts. Young-mi quickly came down with her, kneeling on the floor in front of her.

Young-mi’s habit of staring had never and still didn’t bother Hyun-ju, but her face was so full of care when she looked at her that Hyun-ju could get high off the sight. She shyly placed her hand on top of the other woman’s.

“Young-mi, I promise I’ll vote ‘X’ today. If enough of us vote to get out, then…” Hyun-ju thought; would Young-mi be happy sharing her lifelong dream? They could use the money to pay off their debts, they would fly to Thailand, find a small but suitable home. They’d be happy. Together. “We’ll leave. We’ll pay off whatever debt we have. Move and start a new life together. Eat out with the others.”

We.

Young-mi was never noticed. While she’d sleep behind a supermarket, the customers never even looked her way as they walked through the store. If she wasn’t already ignored, she never received any help. She knew they knew. “A person on the street got themselves into that situation. We shouldn’t help them.” Not until one day, he approached her. The interaction hadn’t been great, having gone through many rounds of ddakji and slaps, but he had at the very least seen her.

Now, right in front of her, was someone who wanted her in the same. Not to be exploited, but to be an equal. To be cared for, to be wanted.

To be loved.

“Really?” Young-mi gave a breathy chuckle. Hyun-ju was glad to see her smile, even when it made her nerves light on fire. She could see the smaller woman’s eyes become glassy, but she quickly wiped at them with a toothy grin. “Unnie, I’m really happy.” It would’ve been impossible to say that yesterday, but now, both women could believe it.

After rounds of giggles and sighs and hand-holding, the world seemed to go silent. Time was lost in a void—Hyun-ju was sure the guard had completely omitted them from their mind. Young-mi’s hand inched up Hyun-ju’s shoulder. She shuddered. She knew Young-mi was looking at her, and that made it all the more difficult to stay calm.

Hyun-ju sighed, nervously bobbing her head towards the latter. Young-mi sealed their lips slowly and gently. Whether Young-mi was just as inexperienced as she was or had been going easy on her, she was grateful for either.

Any idea of pulling away had been completely tossed it seemed, as Young-mi repeated chaste kisses on Hyun-ju’s lips. Almost obsessively. Hyun-ju’s skin crawled with anticipation. One kiss lasted a bit longer, and Young-mi had suddenly parted her lips—only slightly. Hyun-ju followed her steps. While she wouldn’t consider Young-mi to be leading, it was clear she wasn’t.

Those open kisses became more frequent, more hazy. When Young-mi realized her lips had chapped, she licked them and continued. Her tongue slipped in, finally. She curved and lapped it against Hyun-ju’s lips and own tongue, soft moans echoing through the restroom. The lasting taste made Hyun-ju’s blood rush through her body. Her face felt hot, her mouth felt hot, her stomach felt hot. She pressed her knees together agonizingly.

“Wait!” She whispered, pushing Young-mi—slightly drooling—away. “D-don't look. Please.”

Young-mi, having been shoved, respectfully turned her blushing face. If Hyun-ju was hiding something, she wouldn't judge her. She never had. Young-mi sat in the silence filled by their intertwined breaths.

“Was it bad?”

“No!” Hyun-ju’s quick answer brought a grin to Young-mi’s face. It made her face even more flushed. But the smile suited her. “No, just– I think…we should go back now.”

—

The classical music pestering her ears and bright lights peeking even through her closed eyelids gave Hyun-ju a less than satisfactory morning. Groaning and running fingers down her messy hair, she walked down the steps, taking glances at her group—still getting up. 

Her eyes rested on Young-mi’s tired face, furrowed brows entailing a clear frustration caused by the loud music. “Young-mi,” she whispered, “we should wake up now.”

The woman huffed but complied when realization of Hyun-ju’s arrival set in. Her lips gave an almost goofy smile as she said good morning. She’d never done that before. The days they’d spent in this torture house felt anything but good. But after last night—the tension, the intimacy, the kissing—Hyun-ju let her have it. She smiled back as she went to quickly peek at Gi-hun’s group. He had warned them that lights off was another dangerous “game,” entailing the other side would attack them. Thankfully nothing of the sort had occurred.

More than half of the players had already risen and began walking around. As soon as the metal doors had opened with a loud whirr, heads turned to meet the familiar pink. 

“Good morning to the remaining players.” Despite nobody being killed, the guard saying “remaining” as if they expected them to fight and be killed made Hyun-ju seethe. “As previously discussed, you will all take a vote in the decision to terminate or continue the game. The vote will begin in 5 minutes; take into account that any actions of interference with the voting process will result in immediate disqualification. Please prepare accordingly.”

Players huddled together as the guards called out their numbers. Hyun-ju stood beside Young-mi; she took notice of the gaps between the player numbers. The way it’d go from 333 to 230. 

There were now 33 votes for ‘X’, and 31 for ‘O’. Hyun-ju’s number was edging near. She felt Young-mi grasp her hand, both confident and hesitant. She didn’t doubt Hyun-ju’s decision, as the physicality was an act of encouragement on both their parts. That today would be the day they got out, and set out to rebuild their lives.

Hyun-ju and Young-mi watched as the ‘X’ button buzzed and painted their faces bright red. The record was now “50-48”. Their side was in the lead, but if the last two players voted to stay, they’d have to vote again. Or would they? Would they just be subject to another game in spite of the draw? All they needed was one more vote. That’d ensure their victory no matter what.

Hyun-ju and Young-mi tightened their grip around the other’s intertwined fingers—the intimacy made Hyun-ju blush like a high school girl. She could see Geum-ja and Yong-sik in front of them, holding each other as they whispered encouragement to one another. She saw Gi-hun with a furrowed face and sweat dripping down his chin. Hyun-ju could see faith in his eyes.

He must’ve put that faith in 001.

As the second-last player went up, their footsteps echoed through the room and silenced all voices. A loud buzzer noise was heard, followed by groans and screams. They’d done it. “51-48”

Hyun-ju heard Young-mi cry out, and her own emotions set in. She stared at Young-mi, a mix of shock and bliss. She clamped both of their hands together, jumping up and down as they yelled out in the crowd. There were women on their knees, thanking anything and everything. Men held each other or yelled in embrace of their victory.

When they, the lovers, slightly settled, Hyun-ju cupped Young-mi’s chubby, teary cheek. Young-mi sobbed with a smile, and dove into her arms. Her head rested on Hyun-ju’s chest, and she felt her heart do twenty backflips.

BING!

Everyone on the ‘X’ side had been so caught up in their own delight that they hadn’t noticed the guards calling the final player up. Or the glowing blue light omitted from the ‘O’ button, or 001’s repulsed face. While the ‘O’ side welcomed him in, telling him he couldn’t have changed the outcome, cursing and spitting vulgarities, Hyun-ju saw the disappointment on Gi-hun’s face. Saw the betrayal in his eyes.

“It appears that the majority have voted to terminate the game. Therefore, this game is now terminated.”

Complaints rang out from the opposing sides, lines along “this doesn’t even cover half of it,” “can you keep me in?” and “fucking rigged.”

“There are still opportunities for you,” the guards said. “If the majority of you still wish to participate, a new game will resume.”

“Goodbye, then.”