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“I’m going to buy him a car.”
Steve looked up at this seemingly random statement from his husband. “What?”
“He said this morning he wanted a car, right? And besides, he’s going to be sixteen soon. It’s practically a rite of passage to get a car when you turn sixteen—especially when your father has more money than several small European countries—so really, if you think about it, I’d be derelict in my duty as a parent if I don’t buy him an awesome car—,”
“Tony, you are not buying our fifteen-year-old a car.”
Tony gave no indication he had even heard Steve’s objection, barely even pausing for breath during his increasingly manic rant. He did not even look up from where his gaze was riveted to the pale tile that made up the floor of Shield medical.
“Really, with all the work does as Spiderman, he’s earned at least a car, right? And he gets perfect grades on top of that—”
“Tony…”
“While still finding time to take award-winning photos and come up with new tech that rivals even my best stuff—”
“Tony…”
“So honestly, the kid’s probably earned close to five cars at this point—,”
“TONY!” Steve shouted, finally cutting through his husband’s frantic dialogue, “We are NOT buying Peter a car. And even if we were, this is neither the time nor the place to discuss it.” Tony finally fell silent, still staring at the floor, while Steve sighed and rested his face in his hands.
He knew he was being harsh. Denial and redirection were Tony’s coping mechanisms during times of crisis, and Steve had years of experience dealing with it throughout their time as teammates, friends, and eventually spouses.
Still, Steve just couldn’t do it this time. He couldn’t bring himself to force Tony out of his own head and back to reality. How could he force his husband to deal with a situation he could barely let himself acknowledge? Their son was lying on a cold, metal operating table, fighting for his life. Their son had nearly been killed in one of the few places he was supposed to be absolutely safe. Their son had been shot by one of his friends, before having to watch that friend put a bullet in his own head.
And where had they been, Earth’s so called “Mightiest Heroes,” when their son needed them most? Where were they when Peter was lying amongst the dead bodies of his classmates, on a cold cafeteria floor, slowly bleeding to death?
They had been half-way across the globe, doing what they believed to be important work, blissfully unaware that the most precious thing in their lives was slowly slipping through their fingers.
“You’re right,” Tony piped up out of nowhere. “I’m not going to buy Peter a car.”
Steve didn’t even have the energy to lift his head. “Good, Tony. That’s good.”
“I’m going to build him one.”
Steve sat up and turned to stare at his husband in disbelief. “You’re going to what?”
“I’m going to build our son a car. No vehicle on the market would have all the things Peter will need, anyway. State of the art engine, conversion capabilities for aerial and under-water travel, on board computer that has a direct link up to Jarvis, offensive capabilities, defensive shielding and bullet proof…bullet proof…”
Steve felt his already broken heart shatter even further as he watched his husband’s speech teeter off in an attempt to hold back his tears. Tony never let himself cry in public, no matter what the situation. He always waited until he was alone—or at least alone with Steve—before he let go of his iron clad control.
This time, however, not even the legendary Stark emotional repression could stop the father in Tony from shedding tears for his son.
“We had him, Steve,” Tony whispered, head bowed. “We had him in our arms just this morning. He was happy. He was safe. He…he was alive. How did it…how could we let it come to this?”
Steve got on his knees in front of his weeping husband. “Tony, our son is still alive. Do you hear me? Peter. Is. Alive. He’s strong Tony. He’s a hero. He’ll come through this,” Steve reached up and laid a hand gently on Tony’s tear-streaked cheek. “And it’s not your fault, Tony. You couldn’t have known what was going to happen, and you can’t protect him any more than you already do.”
Tony raised his head to look his husband in the eye, a bitter smile on his face. “Who are you trying to convince, Cap? Me, or yourself?”
Steve flinched, shutting his eyes against the cruel words. Lashing out was just another of Tony’s coping mechanisms. Steve knew that. It didn’t stop the words from ripping through him just as the bullet had ripped through their son.
“Shit. Steve, I-I didn’t mean that. Dammit, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I just…I just…Ah fuck!” Tony shot out of his seat, nearly knocking Steve over, and began pacing the small waiting room they’d been led to hours ago.
“You’re right,” Tony began after a pause. “I know you’re right. This genius brain of mine has run the numbers and gone over the statistics enough times to know that there’s nothing you, the team, or I could have done to stop this. I know, intellectually, that this was just a terrible tragedy, and we couldn’t have done anything more to protect Peter.”
Tony paused in his speech and stopped pacing. He stood still, so still in fact that if it had been anyone besides his husband and teammate who was watching him, they probably wouldn’t have been able to see the slight shaking of his shoulders.
“But knowing something intellectually doesn’t mean jack shit when it’s my son. Those numbers? Those statistics? They can go fuck themselves! We should have been there, Steve! We should have been protecting our boy! Isn’t that what being a parent is all about? Aren’t we supposed to love him, and put his safety above everything else? This shouldn’t have happened, Steve. This…this just shouldn’t have happened.”
Steve had remained silently on the floor throughout Tony’s angry monologue. When the heated words finally died off, Steve stood and, still without a word, walked up behind his husband and wrapped his arms around the smaller man’s waist. He felt hands come up to grip his own as, finally, Tony completely let go and began to sob.
“You’re right, Tony,” Steve whispered through his own tears. “This shouldn’t have happened. Not to anyone, and most certainly not to our boy. But Peter would be the first to tell you, Tony, that this didn’t happen because of anything you did or didn’t do. Our son loves you, and he knows you love him. This is not your fault.”
Tony was silent for a long time, and when he finally did speak, it was in a voice so soft that Steve had to strain to hear him. “God Steve, how…how can we call ourselves heroes, how can we protect the world, if we can’t even protect our own son?”
The question gave Steve pause, because he had been asking himself the very same thing ever since they received Fury’s call. Sadly, the answer he’d come up with offered very little comfort.
“We can’t protect him from everything, Tony. I’d give up everything if it meant we could, but we can’t. I hate it, God I really do, but that’s the ugly truth. We can fight it all we want, but it’s not going to change. There will be events in Peter’s life that are out of our control, and some of those events will hurt him. Sometimes, all we can do as parents is be there to help him heal.”
Tony knew Steve was right, and he hated himself for even thinking what he was about to say, but still the words came out, “I would never wish this on anyone else, Steve. You know that. Still, the selfish bastard in me can’t help but think—and God, if I wasn’t already going to hell, this would definitely seal the deal on my damnation, but…out of all the kids, teachers, and random people in that cafeteria…why did it have to be our son? Why did it have to be Peter?”
Steve sighed and rested his chin on Tony’s shoulder. “Well then we can share a cell in hell together, because I’ve been thinking the same thing,” Steve could feel his husband stiffen in surprise. Clearly his reaction had not been what Tony had been anticipating.
This notion was confirmed for him when Tony turned his head to look over his shoulder, an expression of shock and more than a little relief on his face. “Seriously? You too? And here I was expected a whole lot of Star-Spangled righteous indignation after that admission.”
Steve snorted, “Peter’s my son too, Tony. I wouldn’t be human if the thought hadn’t at least crossed my mind.” Steve tightened his grip on his husband so Tony’s back was completely flush against his chest.
“Unfortunately, despite our best efforts, we raised a hero, Tony. We never intended to, but we did. And what happened in that school today…there aren’t words to describe the horror of it. But our son did everything he could to protect those kids, despite just being a kid himself. That’s just the way Peter is. If he had acted any differently, he wouldn’t be our son.”
Tony finally released some of the tension he’d been holding in his shoulders and relaxed into his husband’s embrace. “While I’d still take a safe and normal life for him over this heroic bullshit any day, I can’t help but admit…I’m damn proud of our boy, Steve.”
Steve straightened to place a gentle kiss on his husband’s head, “Me too, Tony.”
And that was how Shield’s chief surgeon found them when he came to tell two of the most formidable men on the planet that their son was going to live.