Chapter Text
+Gold-plated!Knight of Ren/Penny-pinching!General.
**
"Awhhhhh I am blinded! Blinded by such great fiscal wastefulness!" screamed Lt. General Pennesworth.
"... wait…" Auric Ren looked down at his newly buffed gold-plated armor plate, looked up at the empty spot where the Lt. General was, looked down at the pair of fine Coruscant cuff links laying innocently in their appropriately expensive gift box, looked up at the empty spot where the Lt. General was again, and hung his head in dejection.
"Well I told you to take it off before asking our Lt. General to the year-end Officers' ball," Major Tarkin commented from the sidelines.
“Take what off?”
“It!” The lady Tarkin gestured at the Knight’s well-covered person entire. “Take it all off.”
**
+A Tarkin/NEVER TALKS Knight of Ren.
**
“…” said General Tarkin as he dabbled at the bit of sauce that had smeared at the corner of his mouth.
“.” said Lord Tacuisses Ren, a man of few words.
**
+Swashbuckler!General/Ultra-civilized Knight of Ren.
**
“Well, and there you have it, Camellia dear lass. And you too, my good lads,” gestured Major General Atteberrie at Chai Ren and the ensemble Stormtroopers. “The importance of clear and concise communication. Had this poor man bothered to double check with our Lady Ren, and procured the exact type of tea she had so politely asked for, he wouldn’t be in this predicament, now would he?”
Chai Ren, also known as Camellia to her parents, long long time ago, prodded the smuggler’s corpse with her fashionable durasteel-toed heels. Atteberrie was such a gentleman, to shoot the man for her (and for said man’s repeat failure at procuring other promised rations).
**
The Knights gather to gloat about their Generals with each another.
**
Somewhere, over the Force.
“As I’ve said, such a gentleman, that when he beheld my naked form, he fainted right on the spot,” said Chai Ren in her shy voice, a cup of tea in her hands.
“Well, most people would faint at your freakish naked form. You got tentacles and eyes coming and going out of subspace at complete random beneath your robes!” Auric Ren was incredulous.
“So very rude Auric. But I shan’t fall to your base levels. So here I ask, how went your endeavour in consolidating mission briefings and pillow talk with your Lt. General?” sniffed Chai.
“Oh a complete success, when he beheld my beautiful naked form.”
“I think it was more because you were both also inebriated out of your minds at that point. Even a bantha would look attractive with the amount of alcohol you two indulged in,” Kylo Ren sniped.
“Lord Master Ren!” Auric Ren’s voice was full of hurt, as he raised one gold-plate armored arm over his gold-plate armor covered hearts (all three of them).
“How about Lord Master Ren’s General?” Chai blinked innocently.
“…”
“Come on, don’t be shy now, we shared our experiences,” Auric leered.
“… well, he let me stroke his cat, once…” mumbled Kylo Ren, Master of the Knights of Ren.
“Well that is…” Chai could not believe she got further than Lord Kylo, when Lord Kylo and General Hux were of the same species, even!
“Phfffaahahaha…ack” Auric would have laughed harder, had Kylo Ren not choked him, over the Force.
“..” said Tacuisses Ren, with twice the input that he usually gave. His evening of dinner and a political takeover went very smoothly. Very smoothly indeed.
**
The Generals commiserate on their respective Knights.
**
“So, now that we have all submitted our quarterly Knights of Ren related damage, upkeep, and personnel compensation reports, let us consolidate our findings, and come up with both next quarter’s overall special budget forecast, and propose better deterrent measures,” said General Hux over the First Order Field Commanders’ private com.
**
After the special budget meeting was adjourned, but before everyone logged off, General Tarkin tentatively raised a point.
“I know it is unorthodox, but have you tried sleeping with yours yet? Lay back and think of the Quarterly Budget and all?”
“No…” Atteberrie’s face looked a bit green.
“I can’t actually remember what happened. But it obviously did not work! That man is a wasteful spendthrift!” Pennesworth’s features were the very face of fiscal outrage.
“Absolutely Not! Meeting adjourned!” Hux’s pasty face blushed bright red from neck to crown.
**