Chapter Text
Whenever they're playing video games together and the screen splits in two, Stan feels a little bit lost. His eyes drift to the other player, in this case Kyle, just to see what their perspective is. He also enjoys seeing his own character from a different point of view. Despite all that, he still can't stand playing with someone else, simply because all the looking back and forth between the two screens makes his gameplay suck ass, and with friends like his he will never need real enemies. They all have a knack for saying the most annoying shit known to man for the simplest mistakes.
"Wow. Your build is shit even compared to Kyle's," Cartman informs him, a snicker in his mouthful of food muffled voice. Stan thinks of throwing his controller at him, too lazy to entertain the idea of smashing it against his head over and over again.
"He's doing his usual build, I want to make a castle! It takes more time and effort, fatass," he mumbles the last part, but Cartman's selective hearing doesn't let it go.
" 'm not fat, and that's a lame ass excuse, fag," he says, like he's stating a very obvious point.
He doesn't bother actually arguing with Cartman, there's no point, and that extreme sport is reserved to Kyle. They're the only ones who haven't gotten exhausted about fighting each other constantly.
It's a lazy day, though, and the cold weather has them all hiding away in Cartman's house, playing on his console. They intented to hang out at Stark's Pond, but it started snowing like crazy, the wind picking up as well, so they all ran back inside, deciding on Cartman's place — it wasn't really a 'decision', his house has become the unofficial preferred hangout spot. Stan's house is entirely too far away, Kyle's parents are too annoying and nosy and Kenny doesn't even have a console.
No one is, really, in a mood to argue. Stan thinks they're all a bit too cozy for such things. If he wasn't so hellbent on finishing this build, he'd probably pass his console to Cartman and take a nap on his couch.
"Guys," Kenny speaks up, making Kyle hum in response, even though he's not really paying attention to him. "I have to tell you something."
"We know all about your STI, Kenny. You're poor, it's fine, you gotta make ends meet somehow," Cartman says, still munching on his chips.
"You're such a dick, Cartman!" Kyle says, with a groan, his eyes still trained on the screen in front of them.
"I'm being a great friend, actually, Kyle —"
"Shut the fuck up, dude, why can't you let him speak?" Stan asks, setting down his controller.
"Yeah, fatass! Kenny wanted to say something, you had to go ahead and interrupt him with your stupid fucking joke. You're not even funny!" Kyle says, glaring at Cartman who glares right back.
"For your information, I didn't interrupt him, and it's not my fault you don't have a single funny bone in your entire lanky ass body,"
"I swear to God, Cartman,"
"I have a boyfriend."
Kyle doesn't get to finish his threat towards Cartman, his mouth falling shut with a loud clank of his teeth as his head snaps around to look at Kenny, cross-legged on the sofa. Stan also whips his head around, staring at Kenny's bored expression.
Apparently, as they've been playing, Kenny has warmed up enough to take his hood off and unzip his jacket completely. He scans all their faces, one by one, but his face remains carefully blank. Stan can't read anything on Kenny's face, not that he usually is able to. Kenny can be a very difficult guy to get a read on when he wants to.
"You're a fag?" Cartman asks. "I trusted at least you'd be normal!" He says and Kenny doesn't have the time to reply.
"You're not joking?" Kyle asks and Kenny shakes his head.
"You always talk about boobs — girl boobs! You never talk about boy boobs, or penises, or whatever gay losers talk about! You betrayed me, Kenny," Cartman whines as if he's truly wounded.
Stan can't look away from Kenny. His face is completely unreadable, still. This isn't it.
Despite all of Cartman's complaints, they all know he doesn't mean any of it — he reacted the exact same way when Stan told them he probably wasn't straight, way back when they were around 12, and, sure, he made an even bigger fuss when Kyle came out a few years later, but in reality it only opened a new slur door for him, and nothing much changed. Kenny couldn't have been scared about tell them he's into guys, no.
"Well, who are you dating?" Kyle asks and Kenny presses his lips into a thin line as if on cue.
"Craig." He says and Stan doesn't waste a single second before looking at Kyle. Bullshit.
"Craig?" Cartman laughs so hard he chokes on the chips he just shoveled into his mouth, coughing and hitting his chest.
Kenny frowns, glaring at Cartman, looking like he's praying he won't survive the choking. That must've been it, then, the thing Kenny was nervous about telling them. Probably because not one of them can stand Craig — not that Craig can stand them. Cartman's had a problem with Craig ever since they were in diapers, the feeling completely mutual on Craig's end. At first Stan thought Craig dislikes them simply because they associate with Cartman, but he's told them multiple times that he doesn't like them, as people, either.
Kenny included.
"Craig hates us," Kyle says, "why would he date you?"
Kenny seems like he thinks about it for a moment, and then shrugs, as if he has absolutely no idea. Kyle shoots Stan another glance. He has to be fucking with them, or else it wouldn't make any sense.
For what it's worth, Craig is a pretty hardheaded guy. He doesn't sway in his opinions on things, much less on people. It's well known that if Craig doesn't like you, he never will, and there's not much you can do about it.
"Since when?" Kyle asks.
"Summer?" Kenny responds and Stan does the math in his head. It has to be bullshit.
"That's, like, six months," Kyle says and Kenny nods. "How come you didn't tell us until now?"
Kenny shrugs again, and Kyle shoots Stan another glance. He doesn't believe a single word out of Kenny's mouth, Stan can tell. Truth be told, Stan doesn't believe it much himself, but he has no clue why Kenny would lie to them, and about something so random, too.
It's not like Kenny disappeared off the face of the Earth during the summer to allow such an unexpected thing to happen. They still met up almost daily even without school, and Kenny never even brought Craig up. All Kenny did during the summer was hanging out with them and going to work. And even if he did, Stan thinks Kenny would've told them about spending time with Craig.
"You guys should see your faces right now!" Cartman laughs and Kyle glares his way as if on cue. "Clearly, he's fucking with you guys," he cackles, "Good one, Kenny," he says, still laughing.
Stan looks back at Kenny, waiting for him to laugh, too, and admit to making fun of them, but Kenny just looks upset. He eyes Cartman carefully, shoving his fists in the pockets of his jacket and leaning back on the couch with something aking to a pout on his face.
Is he really, truly, honest to God, not fucking with them? But that wouldn't make sense, not at all. Even if they would've missed whatever pseudo summer romance Craig and Kenny had, there have still been around three months of them hanging out at school while being together. They would've noticed the two of them being closer and lovey dovey and whatnot.
So, it has to be a joke. Or a lie. But it makes no sense for Kenny to make things up like this, he's mostly a pretty honest guy.
"Okay," Kyle says, and when Stan looks at him he can see him eyeing Kenny carefully. Kyle is going to have fun cracking this one for a while, at least. "Okay, so, you've been dating Craig Tucker, who hates us all, for half a year and didn't feel like letting us in on it until now?" Kenny nods and Cartman snorts. "Why now?" Kyle asks again.
"He's fucking with us!" Cartman sings, holding the last note like a fucking soprano. He's really making this even harder to believe, he sounds like he's somehow in on the joke as well, but if he really were, he'd play along instead of trying to debunk it. Right? Stan doesn't understand what's going on anymore. His brain feels positively mushed.
"It felt like the right time, I dunno," Kenny explains, and it all seems so half-assed, like he really didn't think this through at all.
They drop it, because Kyle simply nods and turns around, picking up his controller to continue playing, while Cartman keeps praising Kenny for being so funny. Stan knows, at the very least, that Kyle is going to mull it over and come up with a sensible explanation for what the hell just happened, so he resumes his playing, too. His brain doesn't stop chewing on that piece of information, though, but it doesn't really come up with anything else that he could say or ask to further clarify things.
"I'll call Tolkien and ask him if he knows anything about this from Craig." Kyle says, pulling his phone out of his pocket. The two of them are waiting for Stan's bus at the bus stop, freezing in the cold. Despite Stan's insistence, Kyle has refused to go home and let him wait alone. Initially, Stan didn't really get it, but he understands now.
With a few taps, Kyle dials Tolkien's number and puts him on speaker, the silence between them beind filled with the waiting tone. If Tolkien says that he knew about this, it must either mean that Kenny is telling the truth, or that Craig has lied to his friends as well.
"Kyle?" Tolkien answers, seemingly surprised to hear from Kyle.
"Hi, man!" Kyle says, prompting Tolkien to ask if everything is alright. It makes Kyle chuckle nervously. "Yeah, no, nothing major, just, uhm," he seems to look for his words for a moment, but he gives up and just spills it pretty soon, "Kenny told us him and Craig are dating, and I was wondering if you knew anything about it?"
"Oh," Tolkien says, sighing loudly in the speaker, "yeah, they've been going out for a while now. Craig only told us recently, but from what I can see, they seem to be doing well, so I'm not too concerned about it anymore." he says and Kyle looks up at Stan with an expression which resembles that of a kicked puppy.
"Are you sure? Have you, like, seen them?" Kyle asks. Stan is almost as incredulous as Kyle seems to be.
"Are you asking me if I'm sure they're dating?" Tolkien asks and Kyle makes an affirmative noise. "I guess? I've seen them talking to each other a bunch, I don't know, I didn't really pay much attention to it? They seem fine, as I said, so I don't really care much about what they get up to." Kyle is speechless, and, after a beat, Tolkien speaks up again. "Dude, why are you so bothered by it?"
"No! No, I'm not bothered, it just — well, really, it just came out of nowhere, and we didn't even know Kenny was into guys, so I guess I'm just having a hard time wrapping my head around it, you know?"
"Yeah, that was a surprise for us, too. But him and Craig have always been on good terms, so after the initial confusion it seemed pretty normal to me." Tolkien says and Kyle's frown deepens as he glances at Stan again. "I think they make a good couple. I can only hope they won't tear each other apart at some point, but that's a bridge we'll cross if we ever get to it." He laughs and Stan's mouth feels dry. What the hell does he even mean by that?
"Yeah," Kyle laughs, too, but it's clipped back and clearly uncomfortable. "Thank you, man, sorry for bothering you. I'll see you in school."
"No problem, dude. See you!"
Tolkien hangs up and Kyle stands with his phone face up until the screen goes black. His mind is clearly working over time to make sense of this.
"So, it must be true," Stan dares to say. Kyle shakes his head immediately.
"Do you really think so? I wouldn't trust a word out of Craig's mouth if he was tied to a lie detector." Kyle says and Stan almost wants to tell him that those machines barely do shit anyways, but he doesn't because this isn't about that.
"But why would they lie? Both of them," Stan asks and Kyle ponder on it for another moment.
"I don't know. I guess, at least with Kenny, it could be because we haven't really paid any attention to him for a while now. I guess we're a little dismissive when it comes to him, at times, and this must be his way of getting back at us. Think about it, he's making us feel guilty for neglecting him by feeding us a half-baked love story between him and the guy who's most likely to agree to it just to make us feel bad, too."
"I guess it could make sense," Stan nods, "he did seem a bit nervous about telling us. And his story definitely sounded off — we've been with him all summer, we really would've noticed if something happened between him and Craig, of all people. He never even mentioned him." Stan points out and Kyle nods, almost excitedly.
"Exactly, exactly!"
"So, then, you don't believe him," Stan makes sure and Kyle frowns again.
"Well, do you?"
"Not really? It doesn't make sense to me, I don't see them as being a 'good couple', as Tolkien put it." Stan confesses and Kyle nods.
"Yeah. I don't even think he sees them like that either. Whatever that shit was, about them tearing each other apart." Kyle says and Stan thinks about it.
"I don't think Kenny could ever do anything to tear Craig apart, out of the two of them, Craig is more of a wildcard."
"Yeah," Kyle agrees, nodding at something behind Stan, "your bus is here. I guess we're gonna have to watch out for them in school," Kyle says as Stan watches his bus approaching loudly. The wheels hiss exhaustedly as it stops, the doors almost sighing as they open for him.
"Yeah, see you in school, man!"
"See you!"
•
The very next day, both him and Kyle act as though they're on a mission. They're both watching over Kenny like two hungry hawks, reading into his every move. There's nothing out of the usual for them to notice, though. He sits next to Cartman on the bus, laughing softly at the bullshit he spews without stopping until they get to school. There's nothing out of the ordinary as they get off the bus and all of Cartman's attention turns towards Kyle, for their morning debate, while Stan falls into step with Kenny.
Usually, Stan would ask Kenny about his classes as they make their way inside the school, but he feels awkward in his presence now. He keeps waiting for the other shoe to drop, because there must be some other shoe somewhere, and the tension of that expectation doesn't leave room for any sort of small talk. On his part, Kenny doesn't complain about it.
Craig is at his locker, stuffing something inside of it with entirely too much force. His jacket is zipped all the way up to his chin and his cheeks are still a little red from the cold, so he probably just walked in himself. He turns to look at them as soon as he spots the movement, but he only makes eye contact with Stan for a heartbeat before settling on Kenny.
If Kenny can be difficult to read at times, Craig is simply impossible. At least in Stan's eyes. Maybe his friends have a better time understanding what goes on in his mind, but Stan comes up empty every single time he attempts it. This time is no different. He can't tell if anything shifts on Craig's face as he looks at Kenny, he only knows that the carefulness with which he follows along as Kenny approaches him is, at the very least, interesting to observe.
"Hello," Craig says from out of nowhere, and Kenny slowly, but surely, falls out of step and stops to talk to him. Kyle and Cartman don't seem to notice it, but Stan slows down a little bit as well.
"Hey, wow," Kenny says, seemingly caught off guard by Craig's presence, pulling his hood off, "you're early."
"Yeah, thought we could share one before class," he says, pulling a pack of cigarettes from his jacket pocket.
Kenny doesn't reply anymore, but Stan looks back and sees Craig slamming his locker before the two of them start walking towards the back of the school. They don't hold hands or anything, but they're walking pretty close, and Kenny is all smiles. Stan doesn't really know whether to count this as for or against them dating.
He catches up with Kyle and Cartman, and while Kyle seems as confused as he is when Stan tells them about the exchange, Cartman doesn't seem as moved by it. He shrugs and rolls his eyes, as if he's exhausted by them, and waves them dismissively.
"They smoke together all the goddamn time, nothing new under the sun. It doesn't mean anything. I keep telling you, he's fucking with your heads! He may be a cheap whore, but he's got standards, and a loser with fucked up teeth won't cut it — Kenny's way too vain for that guy." Cartman explains before basically strutting away from them, his head held high.
Him and Kyle share a confused look. Craig isn't bad looking, not at all, no matter how much they can't stand him. Their middle school Cutest Boy list was such a hit that the girls made it an annual thing. Without fail, every single year, Craig was in the lead. Objectively speaking, Craig is a good looking guy: he's tall, his face looks sculpted and every time they're made to wear their gym uniforms and he discards his chullo, even Stan himself can't help but watch him jog around sometimes. And as true as it is that they smoke together a lot, being the only actual smokers in their year, knowing that they're dating shines a new light upon the action.
"Let's go watch them." Kyle says, finally, immediately hurrying down the hallway.
"What?" Stan asks, taken aback, but following suit. "Isn't that borderline stalker behaviour?"
"No? Look, I just don't trust this, okay? I have a weird feeling about it, I need to chek it out, just once, okay? We won't even stay long, I'm not going to be late because of them, but I just want to see what they're up to."
Stan follows, because, despite it all, he's just as curious and disbelieving as Kyle is. He is aware it's all wrong, they shouldn't be following their friend like this — they probably shouldn't even doubt him to this extent, but Stan can't help it. Kenny hasn't dated anyone since Tammy, but that was so long ago it doesn't even seem like it happened to begin with. It's just… weird, for reasons Stan can't understand.
It's uncomfortable, and the view isn't exactly great, but through the windows of one of the hallways Stan and Kyle can just about spot Craig and Kenny sitting on the stairs behind the school. They're pretty far away, and with that many walls between them there's no way in hell they're ever going to hear what they're saying, but they can make do with watching them.
Except, there's nothing special to watch. Kenny is the only one smoking so far, sitting with one stair higher than Craig. Craig is sprawled across all the other stairs, looking like he's sunbathing, despite the fact that it barely stopped snowing before they got to school. His legs are so awfully long, Stan wonders how he even manages to find jeans his size. Or boots his size, really. But he does look handsome and completely carefree like that. Comfortable, too. The way him and Kenny talked to each other earlier seemed pretty familiar, too.
He's listening to Kenny talking about something, nodding along every now and then, with a frown on his face. Eventually, Kenny offers him the last half of the cigarette, and Craig takes it and sucks on it almost greedily. Whatever he says next makes Kenny laugh, which prompts a rather devious smirk on his face. He looks up at Kenny who shakes his head at him, laughing once again.
"They look chill?" Stan says and Kyle hums.
"They do seem to be having a good time together." Kyle agrees. "Maybe Tolkien was right?" He asks and Stan shrugs. Kyle turns around to look at him now, frowning, all confused. "But, I don't know? It just seems off to me? Am I being weird?" He asks and Stan thinks about it.
It's a little difficult to tell whether or not they're overreacting. On one hand, yeah, they're probably being weird, but on the other hand this is Craig. And Kenny. They're both weird and quiet and it just seems so unlikely for the two of them to start chatting each other up out of nowhere. It still feels like there's a missing puzzle piece, something they have yet to figure out about those two, and Stan can't put his finger on it.
"I don't think so?" He says, and it definitely sounds more like a question. "I also feel like something doesn't add up. They could just be good friends, maybe Kenny misread the whole situation."
"But he said they're boyfriends, so it must be official, right? Like they definitely asked to make things official, right?" Kyle asks and Stan knows he makes a face at that. He can't imagine, under any circumstances, how Craig Tucker would sound asking someone to be his boyfriend. He can't imagine Kenny asking, either. "Yeah, I don't know, man."
"Well, we can only wait and see how long they keep this up, right?" Stan asks and Kyle nods, slowly.
"I guess so," he sighs, "let's get to class. They're messing with my head and it's entirely too early for this." He says, glancing back out the window one more time. Craig is fiddling with the cigarette as Kenny talks, and they don't look like they're deeply in love. They look like they're just chilling and chatting, like friends would.
Still, Stan nods and follows Kyle to their classes. Maybe Kenny and Craig are really dating, but maybe Cartman is right. No matter what, at least he has something far more entertaining to think about during math class, other than equations.