Chapter Text
“The man that just moved in with you, Adam is it?”
Mark felt a chill go up his spine at John’s query. His voice while low was knowing. He tried his best to not react, not wanting John to think he had any more leverage than he already did.
“What about him?” he asked back, aiming for nonchalance.
“Does he know about your extracurricular activities?” John asked the question in a tone that suggested it was completely normal for one to share with their partner that they set up elaborate tests where the results were almost unanimously death.
His face must have shown how incredulous a question that was, so john continued with a different passive aggressive question
“Perhaps he at least knows about your preference for violence and revenge? About the barely simmering anger that you try to control”
“If you’re suggesting that I’m doing anything to him…”
“No. That’s not what I’m suggesting. Although from what I’ve seen the young man does have an aura of kicked dog about him”
He considered John’s words. He wasn’t wrong. His first impression of Adam was certainly of a lost puppy. Sure he put on a mask of bravado or confidence when he needed to. But it was always hiding the real self consciousness he carried, the fear that he pretended didn’t linger from poor prior life experiences.
He had been a shiny example of confidence and flirtatiousness when Mark first met him, but something about him triggered his protective instinct. Maybe it was because of the similarities to Angie. That he could foresee that if something in Adam’s life didn't change that he’d end up just like her, killed by the hand of someone he thought he loved. Thought that if he could just have Adam’s unconditional love focused on him that nothing bad could happen. The narcissistic part of him, that had only grown since his sister's death, wanted to possess him, wanted Adam to focus only on him. To see only him as a protector. He had begun to realize he needed someone to protect after his sister was slain. He needed someone to love, to put all his feelings and emotions into. He felt like if he didn’t get an anchor, he would really lose himself to the darkness.
That’s why he had stepped in when he saw Adam’s ex-boyfriend getting a little too handsy at his friend's concert. Saw when the same man started to turn less than pleasant at Adam’s rebuffs, grabbing too tightly trying to get his way.
It’s why he introduced himself that night as an old friend to give Adam an exit from a conversation and to leave the club he clearly no longer wanted to be in. Why he followed Adam home and pretended it was a coincidence that he had been doing work in the area when he ‘ran’ into Adam the next day. Why when he saw Adam a week later, a bruise on his face and one on his wrist, he encouraged him to report his piece of shit ex for assault. It’s why he played a concerned officer until Adam agreed to let him buy him a coffee.
A year later he couldn’t imagine not having Adam in his life. Couldn’t believe how much he had come to love him. It went past just needing someone to love and protect, he felt like they just belonged together, and not in a possessive way, just an easy flowing way.
It’s why when Seth was released, he saw killing him as not only killing the man that murdered his sister, but as killing all men like him that didn’t deserve to live. Men like Adam’s ex, like a few of his old friends.
Trying to cover up his own revenge murder under the guise of jigsaw was the biggest miscalculation of his life. Or so he had thought when John found him. Over the last few months he had begun to think maybe it was a blessing. Everything had happened so fast, he hadn’t even had time to consider what the interplay between his ‘new job’ and his relationship with Adam would be.
A few weeks ago he had finally convinced Adam to give up his shit apartment. He was slowly moving in, not that he had much to move. His photo development room was still at his old place. Mark was still cleaning out a space to accommodate it. Still, he didn't want to give John any more information than was strictly required. He had a feeling John already knew enough and it made his blood boil in both anger and simultaneously freeze in fear.
“When I met him he was coming out of a shitty situation, associating with a piece of shit excuse for a man”
“And is that excuse of a man still alive? Or perhaps he had an unforeseen accident” John needled.
“He’s still alive” he confirmed although just remembering it had his anger rising even higher. The asshole had skipped bail and then skipped town.
“I’m curious” John continued in his low gravely yet soothing voice “Would he have been your next copycat victim?”
His silence must have spoken volumes as John just nodded his head slightly.
“I want to offer you a chance to clear your debt to me and confirm your loyalty to our cause. But it will require trust and sacrifice from you. Your new roommate… or do you prefer partner?” the way he said both words implied he knew exactly what their relationship was.
“Partner” he confirmed through gritted teeth.
“He’s a photographer, is that correct?” John asked even though he obviously knew the answer. Obviously knew about Adam the first time he had kidnapped him to hold a shotgun to his head. If John had truly been following him he must have noticed and already put it together. It was surprising he hadn’t used Adam as a tension point at that moment. Instead focusing on the ‘having no family’ and ‘justice is flawed’ angles to try to convince him to join the cause. He remembered all he had thought about when he thought he was going to die was how alone Adam was going to be, how devastated. At least he hoped he would be devastated.
“Yes” he confirmed again, clenching his jaw harder, not liking where this was going.
“I’m setting up a new game. For a former doctor of mine. You inspired me to try something new for the game. I’m going to leave hints towards him, put him on the radar of the police. I feel like he may have other demons and I”m interested to see what they may be”
“Where does Adam come in” he asked, trying to keep his voice steady
“If certain people act how I expect, they’ll be looking to hire someone to follow the doctor, off the record”
It’s something he could see Adam agreeing to easily. Mark knew he felt bad that he contributed less money in their relationship. It was a hard fought battle to convince Adam to move in with him. He didn’t want to feel like a burden so any extra cash he could make, he’d take to help pay Mark back and make sure he was contributing.
“So he’d just be assisting in getting more intel?”
“And assisting in the doctors game”
“Assisting how?” he demanded
“Being a counter balance, part of an objective. His own goal would be easy. Just waiting out the doctor primarily”
“And the doctor's goal?” he prompted for more information
John’s silence didn’t bode well on his mood
“I’m not putting him in danger” he said definitively, interpreting John’s non answer to the prior question as meaning Adam would be in real danger.
“He’s already in danger”
“Is that a threat?”
“Not a threat, no. A forgone conclusion. Your association with all of this” he waved his hand vaguely around the space, “How long do you really think you can keep your lives separate? Dedicated detective, dedicated partner, dedicated …apprentice. They will overlap. I can’t imagine how devastating it would be for him to find out from someone that’s not you” he let his assessment linger.
Seeing that Mark wasn’t going to try to justify or deny anything John continued
“Do you think Adam appreciates his life right now?
The new threat lingered again with the others until Mark finally found the words to speak, his brain still in denial and trying to think of the best way to respond. He may not have known him long but he knows that once John is set on something, or someone, it’s impossible to stop it.
“You’re saying what, either I convince Adam to be a player or you’ll do it for me? Force him, kidnap him yourself?”
“Convince him? No. Again, you misunderstand. It needs to be authentic. Whether you are aware of more details and will be there for the aftermath is the decision that is up to you. Think of this as your test, since you didn’t have a true initiation.
“A shotgun to my face wasn’t an initiation?” he asked incredulously before deciding he had to keep pushing to leave Adam out of this world. WIth every passing minute though he could see that that wouldn’t be an option.
“Adam isn’t some……— “ he tried to think of what he could say “ So he’s withdrawn a lot of the time and prefers to remain distant from many things and people. So what? If you really knew his history you’d understand why he believes he needs to be apathetic towards everything. You have no idea…”
John cut him off “Did Adam save himself from his prior situation?”
“Yes”
“In what way?”
“He stood up for himself. He got help”
“He got help? Or he was offered help?”
“What’s the difference? He realized what was happening was not okay, he needed help and accepted it. What should he have done? KIll the bastard himself?”
John shrugged “He left him out there alive to do it again to someone else. To ruin someone else's life. To break someone else down.”
“No!” Mark’s anger was back in full force “No, the fucked up justice system left him out there by not securing him properly and offering bail. Just like the justice system let Seth out on that fucked up technicality”
He internally admonished himself, knowing John was winning now and had the upper hand now that he got him to show his anger.
“So is Adam currently living or is he simply… hiding in the shadows? Was he able to truly overcome anything or did he just immediately hook onto a perceived protector, knowing he wouldn't have to take anything into his own hands to face his past and grow from it?” John asked the question with conviction as if truly expecting an answer. “Facing trauma and our faults head on, overcoming them, that’s what makes us stronger, what makes us grateful for our lives and others. Being only a voyeur watching life go by, it’s not healthy. And keeping your activities hidden from him. That’s not healthy either, detective, not sustainable. You can share with him detective and make you both stronger. You can show him that he doesn’t have to be afraid anymore”
John’s speech made his skin crawl. What did John think, Adam would play a game and then he'd do what? Be grateful and also join up with his crusade? Not come out more afraid of traumatized?
He realized that his decision to kill Baxter truly ruined not only his life but Adam’s life as well by just being associated with him. He thought about how after he helped John with their first game he went directly to Adam’s apartment at 2 in the morning. How he had woken him up and poured all the emotions he had into making love that night. How he had felt both terrible but justified about what he had helped do but still wanted to forget all of it and only focus on Adam. On making sure he was safe, on making sure he never lacked comfort of pleasure in the fucked up world they lived in and how much he appreciated that he had Adam and how inconceivable it was that others could not give a shit about their own lives of the things they had. Didn’t they understand how precious life was.
The second Adam was even put in a jigsaw situation his side activity would be out in the open. He thought about how he knew Adam went through times where he didn’t want to be alive,where he was so angry at life, where it could be construed that he didn’t appreciate his life. The one thing he was certain of was that he would not lose Adam. He resigned himself to hear John out, he had to have some control over the narrative if he couldn’t stop John. He vowed to himself that he would follow any rule if it meant giving Adam a better chance to pass. And if he didn’t, his life would be over and John would see what happens when he has nothing left to lose.