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His father’s latest girlfriend joins them for dinner, excusing herself in the end, saying she’s working a shift at the hospital early and therefore has to leave. Soobin looks all too happy about it.
In fact, Soobin hasn’t stopped looking smug and happy since he and Beomgyu got here, his childhood home. It fills him with a sense of dread, nothing good ever came from his father’s smile.
“Sir-” Beomgyu starts at one point, and his father laughs and shakes his head.
“No need to be so formal son, you can call me Soobin. We’re all adults here!” But Kai felt the furthest from an adult being here, didn’t even feel like himself trapped in these walls.
But the dinner goes by uneventfully, no weird glances or touches from his father, no comments about how close they were when Kai was younger—it’s almost boring—yet it doesn’t ease his anxiety even one bit.
“Your father seems very nice, baby. See! I told you everything would be alright! He didn’t seem mad about you not telling him we got engaged, just surprised.” Beomgyu rambles happily once they’re in Kai’s old room, remaining exactly as it was over ten years ago. Makes his skin crawl, but he pushes all of it down in order to smile at his fiancé.
“I’m glad you get along, hyung. The dinner seemed to go well too!” Kai tries to be cheerful, after all he put up an act for years being here. He let's Beomgyu kiss him a few times, his loving and perfect fiancé is beaming and Kai can’t help but kiss him some more.
If his fiancé is happy then he can be happy too. It was just tonight and tomorrow and then they’re gone. Gone. Won’t have to see his father until the wedding, and hopefully never after that, ever.
Beomgyu covers his face in kisses effectively taking his mind away from the topic of his father, Beomgyu’s got that pretty blush to his face he gets when he drinks too much—which in their case was just sharing two bottles of soju with his father—always gets handsy and clingy when he’s drunk, rambling about anything that came to his mind. His husband-to-be was nothing short of perfect, still a gentleman even in his horny stupor.
Kai feels safe and warm as they fall asleep, Beomgyu being the small spoon—but Kai’s peace doesn’t last long, he hears a sound from outside of their room and he wakes up immediately, jolting up and looking at the door waiting for it to be opened, for someone to be there. But there’s no one, and the door is closed as they had left it.
Kai never told Beomgyu about his childhood, he simply told him that he didn’t like being home, that he wasn’t close with his father anymore. Just barely enough vague information to get him to drop the topic—he could’ve told him, he considered it a million times, telling his boyfriend the reason why he wasn’t close with his father. He thought about it when their second year anniversary came around—but Kai never brought himself to tell the truth.
Soobin made a good job of fucking him up in that department too. “If you tell someone, they’ll judge you. If you ever have a boyfriend and they find out they’ll leave you, knowing you’re a gross stained whore…”
Kai looks at Beomgyu, sleeping soundly, quiet little snores, tries to sleep again but this house holds so many bad memories that it’s all too suffocating.
The longer he’s awake the longer his brain tortures him, he looks at the ceiling of the room, he has every small detail memorized—he spent so much time looking at it when he was younger; he did everything he could to avoid thinking about… it—about being aware when his father would do those things to him.
Kai gets up quickly, runs to the bathroom and vomits his stomach empty.
He doesn’t want to come back here ever again.
Kai stands up on shaky legs and makes his way to the kitchen, needing a glass of water desperately. Taking a single step outside of his childhood room terrifies him, so much so that he waits a solid four or five minutes there—listening, forcing his eyes to make out the shadows of the house.
And when no sounds came after a while he stopped holding his breath and started walking towards the kitchen. Every two steps he freezes again, looking around before he continues, opening the cupboards quietly and doing everything three times slower than normal.
“Sneaking around?” His father’s voice startles him, fingers tightening around his glass of water.
“Was jus-just a-a bit thirsty.” Kai turns around quickly following his father’s every move and taking a step back when he does a step forward—but ultimately he corners himself. Trapped in a corner against the kitchen cabinets, his shaking hands and his father’s body in front of him.
“You’re still as pretty as when you left me, Kai.” His hands won’t stop shaking, his whole body is shaking he realizes—he could scream, he should scream, wake up Beomgyu for help. “You never came back for thanksgiving, my birthday, or yours. And now, you come back to our home with a boy.”
Soobin takes the few steps left between them, takes the glass from his shaking hands, touching his face.
“My pretty girl,” Kai starts crying, quietly. “You don’t want other people to hear us, do you?”
“I’m not a girl, father, and I’m not yours.” He tries to say it as confidently as possible—even with his voice shaking, even with tears rolling down his face.
“Oh, baby, my sweet girl.” Soobin runs his fingers through his hair, moving closer, kissing his cheek. “It doesn’t matter how much you change on the outside…”
“Please, stop, father. Please don’t do it.” He feels Soobin’s free hand slithering down his body, from his ribs, to his tummy, to his crotch.
“But down here, right here, you’ll always be daddy’s little girl.” Kai sobs loudly, and leans against his father’s shoulder to muffle the sound as his father starts to grope him over his clothes, violating him.
“Please, please stop. Dad, I’m not a girl, I’m a boy and I’m marrying Beomgyu… he’s a good guy, so please don’t do this.” But Soobin ignores him, littering kisses across his jaw.
“I can’t stop you from running away from me and marrying a boy, unless I were to kidnap you, keep you prisoner in our basement forever…” Soobin laughs, but the joke only makes Kai sob again. “So I guess I can only make love to you one last time.”
Kai felt sick to his gut, he wanted to yell—but if he did right now Beomgyu would walk in on them and find out how disgusting Kai was, seeing him getting wet from his father touching him.
“Please… daddy, if you love me, you’ll stop, please don’t hurt me again.” He pleads one more time. Quiet sob escaping him as he feels his father pushing two fingers inside him, it hurts, it disgusts him.
“It’s because I love you, that I’m doing it like this, now be quiet sweetness or else your boyfriend will hear you.” Kai does his best to stay quiet, forcing his mind to go anywhere else but here. “My sweet girl, your body still craves daddy’s touch.”
Kai retches, but his stomach is empty, so he swallows down on that gross feeling and grips the kitchen bar as he allows his father to touch him. If he doesn’t fight back, it’ll be over faster.
It’ll be over soon.
“Is he even fucking you?” Kai hates how familiar he is with the sensation, his father’s breath on the back of his neck—even as he’s outgrown Soobin—his father’s arm around him, his fingers thrusting inside him. “You’re so tight, baby… or is it that you’re still daddy’s girl?”
“N-no, it’s not like that.” This time he can’t hold back his words, even if they’re hiccuped between his tears.
“You keep saying no, but your body will always say yes, it will always belong to me.” The disgust that pools in his stomach and turns to bile fills him with rage. Impossible to hold back his words, even as his father presses him harder against the kitchen counter, cold stone digging into his skin.
“I’m not a girl and I don’t belong to you.” But his resolve is crushed when his father removed his fingers and replaced them with his cock, pressing against his entrance only for a split second before he’s bottoming out. It hurts, it hurts so much.
He whimpers, and it makes his father laugh against his ear, raising goosebumps on his skin. “You sure feel mine now, my little girl.”
“No, no… no, stop, you’re hurting me. Please, it hurts.” But it only encourages his father, pulling back until only the tip of his cock is inside and then fucking into him harder, making all of his body rock forward with it.
“Hurts, baby?” Soobin coos at him before repeating the same motion. “You’re not used to daddy using you anymore, been too long since you were fucked the right way I’m sure.”
Feels his father’s rough hands grabbing at his chest over his shirt, playing with his nipple. “I shouldn’t have let you go, you ruined yourself.”
Soobin picks up his pace, Kai knows he actively avoided thinking of home and the things his father did to him, but he never remembered it hurting this much—being raped.
“I should’ve knocked you up the moment I could… force you to become my pretty little wife, making you carry your own sibling.” Kai can’t help his sobs, shaking his head no and covering his own mouth to keep quiet.
“Maybe it’s not too late, huh?” Hates that he can tell his father is close, but he’d stopped coming inside him when Kai had… when he became a teenager. It makes his blood turn cold when the threat dawns on him. “Let’s turn it into a race, huh? See who gets you pregnant first, gonna have to run to your boyfriend after this and ride his cock.”
“No, no, no… please, daddy! Nonono.” Kai cries, whimpering as he tries to push his father away, only to have him harshly grab his arm and pull at it, feeling close to breaking.
“Come on, baby,” Soobin says, twisting his arm some more. “Go and yell louder so your boyfriend hears you, so he can see he’s dating a little slut that loves her father’s cock.”
“Stop, stop, you're hurting me, please.” No matter what he did, it only seemed to encourage his father, picking up his pace in which he was fucking him, Kai could feel every movement of his cock inside him—it was humiliating, having everything he was destroyed and taken from him. Being raped and still his biggest fear was making his father angry.
Kai falls quiet again, whimpering as he goes lax, letting his father use him, wishing for it to be over again, focused on his ragged breathing doing his best to drone out everything else—but it had been so long that it was hard to do.
“You’re not begging me to stop anymore, are you ready to admit you like it, baby? Love having your daddy use your cunt and breed you?” Doesn’t dignify him with an answer, but his father just laughs, letting go of his arms in order to hug his middle pressing open mouthed kisses on the back of his neck and the side of his face.
It didn’t matter how much he tried to ignore it, his father was just everywhere, all over him, around him, inside him. Kai could only grip the edge of the kitchen counter, the weight of his father was crushing as he finally stilled for a few seconds, groaning right next to his ear.
His stomach turned again when he felt it, being filled with his father’s semen. Stained, broken, disgusting.
The moment Soobin pulls out—and finally away from his body—Kai falls to the floor, his hands that had been gripping the counter slip too. He’s worn his body out with stress, can feel his muscles still shaking, contracting, can’t even his breathing.
Sees his father fixing his clothes out of the corner of his eye, thinking that if he just stays there, unmoving on the floor he will leave him be. But he reaches out to touch him, cooing.
“Did daddy wear you out? My poor little girl haven’t been fucked prope-” But Kai can’t help it, he yells, his voice shrilling even to his own ears.
“D-Don’t fucking touch me! Get away from me.” Soobin only scoffs, fixing him with a look as he takes a step back.
“Fine, stay there as long as you want, always throwing tantrums.” If his father says anything else, Kai can’t hear it over the ringing of his own ears.
Stays there shaking on the floor, gathering his strength to get up, a new wave of anxiety driving him out—the possibility that Beomgyu may wake up and come looking for him, fixing his clothes as best as possible and cringing when his damp bottoms touch his sore skin.
Everything hurts, it hurts everywhere especially between his legs, that’s where it hurts the most.
He’s not sure how, but he manages to get back to his room, holding his breath as he turns the knob, watching his fiancé sleeping and waiting a few seconds for good measure before he’s sprinting towards the bathroom.
Kai tries really hard to keep quiet, he really does, but now under the bright light of the bathroom he sobs watching his underwear stained with blood and semen; biting down hard on his hand to muffle his cries, feels repulsed at his reflection in the mirror as he quickly washes his clothes in the sink before he walks into the shower.
His hands are shaking so badly, retching two and three times before his hands reach to his crotch, the last thing he wants is to touch there… but he needs to get it out, as much of it as possible. The idea of being impregnated by his father makes him sick all over, spitting out bile from how repulsed he is.
Kai hisses as he pushes two fingers inside him as gently as possible, sobs again at the pain, relieving all of it again and again his fingers are stained with fresh blood.
“Kai? Kai are you in there?” Beomgyu’s groggy voice comes from right outside the bathroom.
“Y-yes, I’m here,” Kai says, clearing his throat several times, hating how he can’t stop his voice from breaking.
“Love? Are you okay?” The concern in his fiancé’s voice crushes his heart, he wants to break down in tears, wants to be comforted; but he can’t tell Beomgyu, he can’t ever tell him.
“I’m fine… just a nightmare, I’m okay.” He cries under the water stream, it hurts so much.
“I’ll wait for you, then.” Beomgyu says softly, Kai knows he can’t risk losing him, so he swallows down his pain.
“No, no, it’s okay I swear.” He takes a deep breath, it comes out shaky. “Shower helped, go back to sleep a-and I’ll join you soon.”
Beomgyu is asleep again by the time he comes out of the bathroom, exhausted, having treated his visible external wounds as best as possible—applying makeup to spots where he can already see bruises.
His eyes are puffy from all the crying, but he’s run out of tears, left with a pounding headache instead, but he’s terrified to leave the room alone again.
Beomgyu moves towards him in his sleep the moment Kai is settled in bed and he flinches without meaning to, taking several deep breaths as he lets his mind calm down, reminding himself this is his loved one, that Beomgyu is safe for him. They’re spooning again, and Kai holds onto him tightly, breathing his fiancé’s scent to try and ground himself.
Sleep doesn’t come back that night. Both Beomgyu and his father comment on how jumpy he is, and Kai can’t even bother to come up with a lie, just shrugging it off.
But the truth is, he can’t breathe at all if Beomgyu is too far away from him. Keeps an eye on his father the whole time, terrified of him getting too close—but Soobin on the other hand has gone back to act like everything is fine—even with all of this Kai begs his fiancé to leave that evening.
“I-I just don’t feel well, please, please. I can’t be here.” Beomgyu looks troubled, Kai doesn’t offer anything else other than that, and he can tell that his fiancé is trying to make sense of it but he agrees nonetheless.
Kai knows that Beomgyu can see how stiff he is when his father hugs him as they leave, and he wishes he could tell him more.
“Hate that you guys are leaving a whole day early, are you sure you can’t stay?” Soobin tries one more time, his eyes fixed on him, raising goosebumps all over his skin as he avoids looking at his father.
“No si-sorry, Soobin… I got a call from work, but we’ll keep in touch, right?” Beomgyu lies for him, only adding to his guilt.
The car ride is silent despite having one of their playlists playing, Kai decides to drive, this way he can keep busy and avoid looking Beomgyu in the eyes too.
“Beoms, I’m still feeling a bit sick so I will stop by the pharmacy to get some medicine.” He announces calmly, but it gets Beomgyu to perk up a bit.
“Yeah, are you sure you’re fine to drive, love? We can switch places at the pharmacy.” Kai gives him a lopsided smile, shakes his head no softly and takes a deep breath to hold back his tears. Hates lying to Beomgyu.
“No, no. It’s fine, I think driving helps me.” Beomgyu hums, settles on placing his hand on top of Kai’s on the gearshift, squeezing softly.
He’s bolting out of the car when he parks at the pharmacy. “I’ll be super quick, so you can stay here. And yes, I’ll bring you those honey snacks you love.”
Beomgyu opens his mouth, probably wanting to argue that he wants to go too—always eager to take a chance to stretch his legs and buy more snacks than intended—but he just smiles. It makes his heart ache again, his fiancé is too good for him.
Once he’s inside the store and out of sight he bolts and grabs their snacks and drinks, some nausea and headache medicine, quickly walking down the aisles even when it’s still uncomfortable but the pain is easier to endure now.
He goes towards the counter, placing down the items he already had, thankfully he’s the only one in line, clearing his throat to get the clerk’s attention.
“Hi… umm do you guys have the… morning-after pill? I couldn’t find… those type of medicine.” The guy hums before he nods, laughing as he turns around to some of the locked medicine cabinets.
“Yeah we got them, they’re just locked because teens would steal them. But good for you, you know? If your girlfriend isn’t ready, don't take no risks.” Kai simply hums, feeling his stomach sinking with an uncomfortable feeling.
“I have never bought… any of these. D-do you know which one is best?” The clerk was bringing over four boxes, but he quickly turns around and drops three of them back in the cabinet.
“Never heard any complaints, hah.” Kai tries to smile back at the man, quickly paying and taking the bag with their goods.
“Thanks, hey where’s the restroom? Got a long drive coming after this.” The clerk points behind him, and Kai finds the signage after a second staring out, thanking the guy again before he bolts there. He fumbles with the bag, taking out the pill from the box and quickly opening it, swallowing on a dry throat, his hands shaking as he pushes the receipt and the empty box on the trashcan.
Beomgyu smiles at him as he climbs into the car, and he feels like he can finally breathe again—but when his fiancé puts a hand on his thigh he jumps. They both decide to ignore it.
They will be fine.