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Josh walks into the school as any other day, he is used to the eyes looking at him, and he knows that his pink hair and nose piercing label him as a troublemaker, but he needs them. You see, he is really a good guy, kind and gentle, people has used this in their advantage before, that’s why he needs the this look. He has a few friends, it’s not like he is a loner, Brendon has stayed with him through these years, and he was the only one Josh trust the most.
As all high schools, the hallways are filled with gossips, Josh has learned to close his ears and walk peacefully to his locker. He is taking his books when he hears it for the first time.
“Tyler Joseph? The guy who tried to kill himself, right?” a blond girl on his right says, she is standing with her locker open and another girl is by her side.
“Yeah, that weirdo” her friend says.
Josh closes his locker loudly startling the girls who glare at him. He ignores them as he walks away. He doesn’t understand how people can be so cruel, it makes him sick listening to people badmouth others, but these girls calling someone “weirdo” because they tried to kill themselves. Do those girls know how hurt someone needs to be to try to end their life? Clearly, they don’t. Neither does he really, suicide is not something he has put much of his thought on, he has had his dark nights but he never let his mind wonder those paths.
He walks to his first class slowly; he has time still until the bell rings. He is not the best on his classes but he does like to be punctual, maybe his anxiety is to blame for that. He walks into his math classroom and sits on the back. There are a few people already on the classroom, he puts on his earphones and ignores everyone completely until the teacher walks in and the class begins.
-
Josh hears that name for the second time when he is waiting for his English class to begin. Two guys are sitting in front of him talking about the same guy from that morning.
“I heard he try to kill himself during the summer. He is freak with no friends, I would kill myself too” one of the guys says and the other laughs. “I’m not kidding, I saw him walking on the hall with a red beanie covering almost his whole face. Why bother coming to school?”
“Right? He should go and kill himself properly” the other guy says and Josh feels sick on his stomach. He is surrounded by idiots. He is lucky the teacher walks and makes everyone shut up and starts the class.
-
He meets with Brendon for lunch. They don’t share classes this year but they still have lunch together.
“This school is insane” Brendon says as greeting, he pats Josh’s shoulder lightly.
“You tell me” Josh says rolling his eyes, because he is damn right.
“Is a living hell, they all talking about the poor guy. Give him a damn break” Brendon says.
“I’ve heard about him too, do you know him?” Josh asks curious.
“Not really, we shared a class with him last year though” Brendon says and Josh frowns, so he actually has laid eyes on this person who everyone is talking about.
“I don’t remember” Josh says.
“Yeah, he was quiet. Never actually talked in class or with anyone I believe” Brendon says bringing his sandwich to his mouth.
Josh does the same with his, though his mind is trying to remember this guy. Of course he can’t bring anything ‘cause Brendon never said which class they shared.
“Which class did we share with him?” Josh asks and he takes his time munching his sandwich and swallowing before he answers.
“Biology, I think. Why do you care?” Brendon asks looking at him with a little smile on his face.
“He tried to kill himself… I heard he is a loner” Josh says shrugging his shoulders.
“I knew it, that’s so… you” Brendon says shaking his head from side to side.
“What?” Josh asks smiling.
“Of course, you will look for him, become his friend” Brendon says not looking surprised at all. “You are just like that, too good.”
Josh shrugs again and bites his own sandwich. It’s true; he wants to befriend this guy. To Josh it’s simple, he doesn’t like to think someone is sad and alone. If he can do something to help a person in this position, then he will do anything. He did so with Pete and he did it with Gerard. He can do it one more time.
He lets Brendon change the subject and they finish lunch arranging to meet after school to play Mario kart with their squad in Josh’s house.
-
The next day Josh walks into the music classroom and goes to sit in the back but his usual place is taken by a guy. Josh doesn’t hesitate to take the place next to him, might not be his usual but it’s still at the back. The guy doesn’t look up from his notebook and Josh sees the page is filled with the guy’s handwriting; he looks away to the front though. He doesn’t even know the guy, spying what he is writing would be rude. He notices that three of the guys on the front are looking to the back, to this guy, and whispering between them. Josh clears his throat catching their attention; he glares at them until they look away. He sighs and rests his back against his chair; he is tired of people acting like this.
Once the teacher comes in he calls the roll. He is not really paying attention once the teacher calls his name but then.
“Joseph Tyler” the teacher calls and Josh’s eyes dart up.
“Um… here” the guy next to him says, and Josh turns to him.
So this is the guy.
Tyler turns to him slightly, and their eyes meet just for fraction of a second before Tyler is looking away. This is his opportunity, Josh has to take it.
“Hi, I’m Josh” he says and Tyler looks really uncomfortable as he looks up at him again. He looks tired, exhausted would suit better, under his eyes dark bags mark his tan skin.
“Hi” he says above a breath.
Josh is about to speak when the teacher interrupts him.
“Okay, listen here kids. First project of the class will be a song composed by you. That’s it; you will write the lyrics and put the music to it. It will be by pairs, now, I won’t assign the couples cause I want you to be the most comfortable possible with this. So pair up and I’ll hand you a paper so you can write your names” the teacher says.
Josh turns to Tyler immediately and smiles. “Want to pair with me?” he asks and Tyler looks at him with big eyes.
“Me? ... You want to pair with me?” Tyler asks and Josh nods with a smile on his face. Tyler looks at him for a few second, like he can’t believe that Josh asked for real. “Alright… if you want” he mumbles.
“Great dude” Josh says smiling, “do you like music? I play the drums.”
“I do” Tyler says turning his body to face Josh, “I love music.”
“That’s great, we’ll make something out of this then” Josh says and he is handed the sheet of paper. He writes downs their names and hands it back.
The teacher then starts to explain the project, telling them when they have to prepare the presentations and how they will be displayed. Josh smiles the whole time, he is happy he got to meet Tyler and more importantly that he will be working with him.
-
Once class is over Josh waits for Tyler to walk with him, he wants to show him he is interested in talking to him. But as Tyler stands picking up his bag the three guys from the front come, immediately Josh knows they are up to no good.
“You are that suicidal kid, right?” one of them says.
“How come you aren’t dead? How did you try to kill yourself?” another one asks.
Tyler looks at his feet and tries to walk past them and one tries to grab his arm, that’s when Josh jumps in. He grabs the guy’s hand before it touches Tyler and pushes him back.
“Leave him alone” he says glaring at them and then turns to Tyler, “c’mon man, don’t listen to them.”
“And who the fuck are you?” one of the guys says to Josh.
“I’m his friend, and I will be your worst nightmare if you keep this up” Josh says without missing a beat, his eyes dead on the guy until he backs away with his friends mumbling angrily.
Josh grabs Tyler’s arm gently and pulls him out of the classroom. When they are down the hall he stops and turns to Tyler, that’s when he notices he is shaking slightly.
“Are you okay, Tyler?” Josh asks.
“Yeah, yeah” Tyler says taking a few long steps from Josh, “just… I need to breath.”
“Yeah man, breath” Josh says not letting Tyler go far from him, “I… I really mean it; I want to be your friend.”
Tyler takes a few deep breaths and looks up at Josh, confusion and curiosity mixed with sadness on his eyes. “Why?”
“Just… do I really need a reason?” Josh says offering him a small smile.
Tyler looks at him with a puzzled expression in his face. Josh looks into those round big eyes, he feels a cold shiver run down his spine and he has to force himself not to shake. Tyler’s eyes look deep and endless, like there is no bottom in the dark brown and they look at Josh with such intensity.
“Why” Tyler mumbles almost inaudible as Josh keeps smiling softly and nods at him.
“Wanna hang out, Tyler?” He asks as friendly as he can.
“I… I can’t, have to get to my next class” Tyler says as he looks down at his shoes and shakes his head slightly.
“After class then”
“No” Tyler says rather too desperately but Josh stays patient, “um… I can’t today, maybe… um next week.”
Josh stays silent for a moment like he is thinking Tyler’s offer. “I’ll take your word, see you around Tyler” Josh says and adds with a smile, “it was great to meet you, man.”
“Um… yeah, thanks for… everything” Tyler mumbles shyly.
“No problem” Josh says patting Tyler’s shoulder blade softly and starts to walk away, “see you.”
“See you” Tyler says softly watching him leave not believing that conversation was quite real.
I’m going to do something about this, Josh thinks to himself as he walks down the hall with a happy smile on his face.
-
Later that day when Josh meets Brendon he tells him all about what happened with Tyler, Patrick smiles as he listens to Josh talk.
“You really want to be friends with him, of course you want” Brendon says smiling.
“Well, yeah” Josh says, “he needs someone to rely on, those guys were bugging him about his suicide attempt, imagine how would that have felt.”
“Good thing you were there.” Brendon says patting his back, “Now what are you going to do?”
Josh stays silent for a moment and then shrugs. “Try to win his trust, show that I want to be his friend.”
“Basically being persistent until he gives in” Brendon says bumping their shoulders together.
“It worked for you, might work for me too” Josh says smiling.
“Well, I’ve never in my life met someone as hard to get a hold of like you, Joshua.”
Josh shakes his head with a sad smile and looks down. “You should look at him.”
Brendon looks down too and hugs Josh’s shoulders. “We’ll change that, yeah? Just get a hold of him; I know you’ll bright him up.”
-
The days pass and Josh is attentive to see if he can catch Tyler around school, but no matter how much he tries to, there is no sight of the guy anywhere. He is quite worried to say the least, he has witnessed how people act around Tyler and he is afraid some bully would make him his target. That’s why he isn’t surprised at all when he catches a glimpse of Tyler walking by himself on the hallway, he was expecting it. He walks straight to Tyler with a content smile on his face.
“Tyler” he says cheerfully making the other guy jump and back away from his closeness, “sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.”
Tyler looks at him with big eyes and sighs. “Hi” he says looking down at his feet.
“What’s up?” Josh asks as friendly as he can.
Tyler looks up at him with a little frown and then looks away. “Nothing”
“What’s that in your face?” Josh asks looking closely. “Tyl- is that a bruised? Did someone hurt you?” Josh asks calmly.
“No” Tyler lies, it’s evident it’s a lie cause he looks down at his feet and it’s like he tries to make himself smaller.
“Tyler… look I know we met a few days ago, but I really want to be your friend” Josh says in a soft tone, “Tyler you can trust me, please believe me, I do want to be your friend.”
Tyler shakes his head and looks up at Josh with his eyes ablaze. “Why? Why do you want to be my friend?”
“Because I want to” Josh says not wanting to startle Tyler with an honest answer, not just yet.
“That’s not enough of a reason. You believe me, I’m a waste of time. You’ll get tired of me and you’ll leave, might as well not do this friendship thing and save the heartache. We’re partners for the music project, leave it at that. I don’t need friends.” Tyler says and with that he turns around and walks away leaving a rather startled Josh behind.
-
Tyler walks away angrily. He is angry at this guy. Who does he think he is? Coming at him and telling him that he wants to be friends? Tyler doesn’t want friends. Friends betray you and leave; they broke your heart in the most horrendous ways with words that mark you more than any scar could.
Actually, Tyler is not really angry at Josh but it’s not like he want to accept the reality of that yet. He is angry at himself for wanting to believe that Josh would actually stay. He knows that Josh would be his friend for a while and then realize that Tyler is a wounded and pitiful thing, he would laugh at his doubts and fears and called him a waste of time. He would leave Tyler behind with his darkest thoughts. He rather stays the same than deal with more heartache, he has enough pain. He’s been hurt enough. He can’t let his guard down.
So he pushes away Josh’s kind eyes and warm smile; he pushes his words away and pushes his surprised face when he snapped at him. Tyler doesn’t need Josh. Tyler doesn’t need anyone. He is better off alone.
-
“So he just got mad and left?” Brendon asks trying to cover his smile, Josh looks really upset. He came walking up to him with a pout in his face; Brendon hasn’t seen his friend like this since the store guy rejected him a date.
“He looked so… I don’t know, angry. He said he doesn’t want to be friends” Josh says still pouting, “What should I do now?”
“Well… I thought you were going with the persistent bug. I remember a grumpy looking guy giving me the cold shoulder a few times until he started to give in” Brendon says smiling.
“He was bruised, he had a purple bruised under his eye” Josh says looking sad.
“Did you ask what happened?”
“I did, but he said nothing and then he got angry and left” Josh’s pouts comes back with his last words.
“Josh, think about it a bit, I know you’ll find a way to get a hold of him but use your brain. He is weary, like those stray cats you always want to touch, they run away when you go running at them” Brendon says calmly, “maybe the tactic I used on you won’t work on him.”
“I’m pretty sure you are right… but how do I get close to someone like him?”
They stay in silence for a long while.
“Do you really think he is worth the trouble?” Brendon asks, “I mean, not saying it’s useless but maybe he really wants to be alone and forcing yourself on him won’t make any good.”
“I have to try,” Josh says after a while, “he looks so… so alone. He tried to kill himself; he must be so desperate to just see an end. God, he is just so young yet. He has so much to live. I see him and I see someone worth trying to help.”
“It will be useless if he doesn’t want help” Brendon says.
“But Gerard didn’t want help! Neither did Pete! We helped them, we help them get better and now they are happy, at least happier than they were.”
“What I want to say with my words, Josh, is that I know how you can get. Don’t let it drag you down if it doesn’t work.”
With that Brendon picks up his soda can and takes a long gulp. Josh imitates the gesture and drowns all of it with a scowl on his face. He won’t let it go to waste, he will help Tyler somehow.
-
Tyler is a little bit content with the fact that is Friday.
Fridays means weekend. Which means two wholes days he can stay inside his room without having to go out. Yeah, might mean that Sunday is near. God knows he hates Sundays, such a dreadful day for Tyler. But at least he will stay inside home.
He walks down the hall to his chemistry class when suddenly someone bumps against his side roughly and he flies away against the wall almost falling to the floor. This isn’t new to him but he wasn’t expecting it, honestly. He looks up to face the person who did this and finds three smiling faces, far too familiar faces that have been bothering him since the Music class.
“Still alone, Joseph? Where is your “friend”, huh? Where is that loser?” the guy who looks like the leader says.
Tyler doesn’t answer, he never does. He looks up at him with no expression, showing no emotion.
“Nothing to say?” the guy asks.
Still silence.
“Might I remind you how to talk?” the guy asks picking the front of Tyler’s shirt.
People around him walk by minding their own business. Teens don’t get in the way of bullies, if they are clever they will walk away. Only a few good souls look at Tyler with upset expressions but they do nothing.
Tyler closes his eyes as he sees the fist coming to meet his face. The impact is fast and strong and he can feel pain throb from his eye to the back of his head. He falls back on his bum and backs away against the wall; he hugs his knees and makes himself smaller.
“THE FUCK IS GOING ON?” A strong voice calls and the guys turn around.
“Looks like your boyfriend is here” the guy says looking at Josh coming closer with Brendon by his side. “Who’s that, your other girlfriend?”
Josh looks confused at them and then sees Tyler on the floor hugging his legs. “The fuck you did dickhead?” Josh says going to tend Tyler but he just flinches away when Josh tries to touch his shoulder. “Imma kill you” he says standing up but Brendon gets in front of him.
“None of that here” Brendon says pushing Josh back. “You better go away assholes, this is unfinished business. Better not be around him unless you have a death wish” he tells the group of guys with a dead glare as he holds his friend back.
Josh protests but Brendon pushes him back towards Tyler, Josh turns around and kneels in front of him.
“Please Tyler, let me help you” Josh says as softly as he can, “please, I promise I won’t hurt you. I wouldn’t dream of hurting you, I swear.”
Tyler looks up at the tender voice us a single tear falls from his eye. He watches Josh carefully as he bites his lip and leans closer to hug Tyler awkwardly. Tyler doesn’t return the hug but he lets Josh’s arms embrace his thin frame.
“You’ll be okay” Josh mumbles softly and that, that words break Tyler’s calm exterior. He shakes his head and bites his lip to repress a sob. “I’m here” Josh says in the same tone.
Tyler fists his hands in Josh’s shirt and presses his face on his shoulder. Josh doesn’t know anything and yet he comes here and hugs Tyler and says he will be okay. Maybe Tyler doesn’t trust those words but damn, he needed them. So he holds onto Josh and sobs softly, he sobs because Josh is there and he said those words and for a moment, he wants to believe them.
-
Once Tyler calms down a little, Brendon pulls them out of the school and they get into his car. Tyler is too shaken to protest and Josh guides him to the back seat and sits next to him. Brendon doesn’t even turns around, he just drives away.
“Tyler?” Josh asks softly, the smaller guy is looking out the window distantly. He turns around to Josh at the mention of his name, his eyes red rimed and tired. “Well get some pizza, yeah?”
Tyler nods and his eyes stay in Josh’s face. Josh lips curve into a small smile and his eyes squint, his whole expression kind and warm.
“Joshua?” Tyler mumbles softly and Josh nods, “thank you.”
Josh smiles softly at him and bumps their shoulder together. “No problem, man.”
Tyler presses his shoulder to Josh and closes his eyes. He feels tired but a little warm feeling creep up in his chest and the corner of his lips turn up slightly. Tyler doesn’t quite know what this is, you see this is trust.
“So the usual, is it?” Brendon’s voice rings from the front and Tyler jumps a little looking at the front.
“Yeah bro” Josh says happily and turn to Tyler, “that good with you?”
Tyler bites his lip and nods. “Yeah” he mumbles.
“Great” Brendon cheers up as he drives.
-
They munch down their food over small chat, Tyler taking more time as he eats slowly. Josh makes sure to include Tyler as much as he can into their nonsense of a conversation, but the smaller guy didn’t talk much. They got into Brendon’s car once more and drove to a pub near downtown.
“It’s okay to be around here?” Tyler asks shyly.
“No worries, we know the guy from here” Brendon says before he gets out of the car.
“You’ll like the place, we spend almost all the time here” Josh says, “though if you want to go just say so, yeah?”
Tyler looks at him and nods before they both get out and walk in with Brendon behind them. Tyler stops a minute and takes the entire place in. He would believe this was the set to a movie where the good blond girl goes to show her friends she can be a little rebel and meets a punk whom she’ll fall in love with. The place gives an old school vibe. The music is kind of dark but nice, there is a few people sitting around all dress in black. At the bar there is a guy with bright red hair sitting on a stool, he looks like flirting with the bar man who is clearly flirting back. Next to the flirting couple there is a small girl with orange hair drowning a glass of what Tyler might guess is beer. Josh pushes Tyler slightly towards the bar where Brendon is already sited beside the girl.
“Hi Joshie” the guy with red hair says happily.
“Hey everyone, this is my friend Tyler” Josh says turning to Tyler and smiling at him like encouraging him, “Tyler this are Gerard, Hayley and Frank.”
Tyler gives them a small smile, his anxiety grows strong as the curious eyes settle on him.
“A new friend?” Gerard asks smiling mischievously; he extends his hand for Tyler to grab. Tyler looks at it and his eyes dart up to Gerard’s wrists where he can clearly see white thin lines contrasting on his skin. He looks up at Gerard again but the guy doesn’t seem bothered to the fact that the scars are showing.
“A friend, Gerard” Josh says patting his hand away, “You don’t go bothering him.”
Gerard giggles. “I’ll try not to.”
They settle into a fluid conversation after that, Josh makes sure to include Tyler again, in the explaining things to him when he can’t quite follow. Tyler feels his anxiety going down as Brendon and Gerard start to talk about their adventures and how they almost got caught by the cops too many times. He actually laughs with their stories and feels comfortable between the group, Josh bumps their shoulders many times through the conversations, Tyler thinks it’s a way to tell him “I’m here” and he feels kinda warm about that small gesture.
-
That afternoon when Tyler gets home his mom inquires him with questions and he looks up at her with quite lighted eyes and smiles softly.
“I think… I made a friend” he says and his mom stops her questions, she looks at him for a few seconds before she smiles and hugs him tightly.
“It’s okay honey, you see?” she says in a tender tone, “I told you it was worth it, life might be a horrible thing sometimes but, my love, not for once think that it’s not worth keep going.”
“I know… sorry I didn’t text you about where I was. I couldn’t quite believe it myself honestly” He says pressing his cheek to his mom’s shoulder.
His mom giggles and kisses his hair. “It’s alright now sweetie” she says letting go to look at his son’s face, “that’s quite a good look in your face, you look… alive.”
Tyler blushes slightly and looks down. “Thanks, mom” he says and his voice breaks.
He does feel alive… happy. And he has to thank Josh for that.
Hahahaha how long do you think it will last?
Tyler closes his eyes tightly. “I’ll be in my room” he tells his mom and walks away quickly.
“Honey, you okay?” she asks but she gets no answer. She sighs and goes to the kitchen to prepare Tyler some tea.
-
You know it won’t last, you know that guy will leave. Josh? A friend? You don’t have friends cause no one likes you. No one can stand your pathetic self. Not even you. Listen to me, I’m your conscience. I’m all those emotions and thought you keep behind your face and above your throat. I’m the other side of you. Oh Tyler, Tyler, Tyler. We’ve been over this so many times. What a fool little thing you are. Believing that someone actually want to get to know you, haven’t you learnt? You’ve been told this before. You’re a waste of time.
“STOP!” Tyler thought grabbing the sides of his head with his hands. “STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP”
HAHAHAHAH oh Tyler, want to put a lass around my neck now? You should have learnt by now, that there is no escaping this.
“Josh wants to be my friend, he… he was there for me” Tyler thinks as tears run down his face.
He is fooling you. He is using you. What would he want to be your friend for?
“He… “
That’s right. You don’t know. “Just cause” he said, what does that even mean?
“I don’t know…” Tyler looks at his feet as his tears run down.
He wants to hurt you.
Tyler stays silent for a moment .
His head is buzzing and he feels darkness surround him.
It’s a cold and painful embrace.
And suddenly from the black hole of his mind comes an asteroid ablaze.
Warm and bright, Josh’s voice crashes and explodes into thousand fireworks lighting his soul.
“Please, I promise I won’t hurt you. I wouldn’t dream of hurting you, I swear.”
Hope.
Light.
“Not for once think that it’s not worth keep going.”
Trust.
Faith.
“That’s quite a good look in your face, you look… alive.”
Love.
Josh’s voice echoes and suddenly the darkness it’s gone and everything turns into a light pink.
“You’ll be okay, I’m here”
“This fear… it will lose” Tyler says above a whisper with a small smile on his face, he cleans his tears and for the first time in a really long time… he feels his mind at peace.
-
He goes out of his room with a tired expression on his face and goes to the kitchen. Battling with your own mind can drain you of energy. His mom and bother are sitting at the kitchen table.
“Didn’t take you much” Zack says.
“Want some tea sweetie?” she asks in his tender tone.
Tyler nods and sits next to Zack.
“It’s good to see you out of your room. Don’t let it win, yeah?” he says bumping their shoulder together and Tyler remembers how Josh did just that at the pub, a gesture to reassurance his presence.
“I won’t” Tyler says smiling softly.
Zack looks at him startled. “That’s… that smile suits you, you should use it more often” he says hugging Tyler’s shoulders.
Tyler giggles and pushes him away lazily. “Shut up” he says blushing slightly.
-
That night before sleep Tyler thinks on what he settled for.
Joshua’s friendship is something he will be opened to receive.
He decided to trust another human being.
He decided to have faith that things will be better.
He decided to stop working himself up with trivial things.
He decided to stop being afraid.
He decided to not let fear win again.
Tyler decided to enjoy life much like Gerard and Brendon do.
He wants to be like them.
He wants to be unafraid to show his imperfections.
And he knows that with Josh’s help he’ll get there. Though he said this to himself over and over again to not let it be dependence, when he thinks on Josh’s wrinkled eyes and smile he thinks that it will be, those small gestures grounded him like nothing has done before.
-
Sunday gets around and Tyler doesn’t feel so dreadful, he goes for a walk with Zack.
-
When Tyler gets to school on Monday, he finds Josh and Brendon waiting for him in the entrance.
“Hey Ty-Ty” Brendon says cheerfully, “how are you?”
Tyler bites his lip as he walks to them. “Good, you?” he answers timidly.
“I was wonderful in this bright morning until Joshie remembered me I have an exam today” Brendon says finishing his sentence with a pout, “but how creepy is it, we don’t even share classes Joshua.”
“You told me to remind you”
“Yeah and that would be more useful if you reminded it yesterday, never mind now” Brendon says and turns to walk to school with an offended look.
Tyler smiles as he looks at the boy, Brendon seems so carefree and cheerful most of the time. He saw him talking with Gerard though with a serious expression on his face that looks nothing with the goofy grin he has when he turns around.
“Well are you coming in or what?” he asks.
Josh bumps his shoulder to Tyler’s and smiles at him. “Let’s go”
It’s the first time in a long time that Tyler isn’t dreading going into that building.
-
At lunch Josh is sitting at a table with Brendon, he is looking around trying to find Tyler. A big grin spread on his lips when he sees the thin boy walk to where they are sitting. Josh waves his hand happily and Tyler returns a small wave. At the table he sits next to Josh and he bumps their shoulders together. Josh looks at him and the small smile he has on his lips and returns the little gesture.
“Plans for this afternoon?” Brendon asks.
“Mario kart?” Josh asks.
Then they look at Tyler like they expect him to participate in this decision.
“I want pizza” Tyler says above a whisper.
Josh and Brendon laugh.
“That sounds good too. Pizza, Redbull, and Mario kart” Brendon says happily, “In Your place Joshua?”
“Where else?” Josh smiles, “We can walk there together, Tyler.”
“Yeah, sounds good” Tyler says quietly looking at Josh.
“Great then” Josh says with a big grin on his face.
-
When they get to the Dun’s home a small woman with blond hair and a warm smiles receives them by the door.
“Hi Bren” she says hugging the boy.
“Hey mom” he says in return as he hugs her back.
“She is my mom not yours, Brendon” Josh says pinching him when he lets go of her.
“I have enough mom for all of you” she says hugging Josh and then she looks at Tyler, “hi darling.”
“Um hi” Tyler says offering her his hand but she pulls him into a small hug, “I’m Tyler”
“Oh, I’ve heard of you. Are you the “cool dude” doing the music project with my son?” she asks smiling and Josh scratches the back of his neck with a faint blush on his cheeks.
Tyler looks at her confused and then to Josh.
“That’s right mom, that’s him” Josh says looking at Tyler all the while.
“ It’s nice to meet you sweetheart” she says touching Tyler’s hand softly, “I’ll be around if you need me.”
“Thanks mom” Josh says and then hugs Tyler’s shoulder pulling him to his room. “I do think you are cool” he says, the blush still lingering on his cheeks.
“I’m not” Tyler mumbles.
“Then who are you?”
“What?” Tyler looks at him confused but Josh smiles and shakes his head.
“Never mind” Josh says and lets him go, “but I do think you are cool man, not changing that.”
Tyler looks at him more confused than ever.
“He is a puzzle” Brendon says, “You’ll put the pieces together soon enough, do not worry.”
He pats Tyler’s shoulder and smiles too.
He forgets about this as soon as he walks into Josh’s room though. There are galaxies painted on the ceiling and draws of aliens here and there on the walls. There is a huge
poster that says “I want to believe” with an UFO on it, he remembers seeing that in Josh’s shirt a few days ago. Josh’s room is mostly tidy besides the pile of Redbull cans around a small couch, the bed is pushed against a wall, all in all the room is quite big. There is a desk with folders and a shelf filled with books, against another wall there is a drum set and Tyler bites his lip looking at it, its red and silver and looks absolutely gorgeous.
“Wow” Tyler mumbles looking all around.
“Indeed” Brendon says smiling.
“Be my guest” Josh says patting the empty sit next to him on the couch.
Brendon is sitting on the floor with a controller in one hand a redbull on the other.
-
Gerard and Frank come by later with Hayley trailing behind them; also two guys Tyler didn’t meet before come by tangled in each other’s arms.
“Those are Patrick and Pete, hey you come and say hi to Tyler, don’t be rude” Brendon says.
“And don’t snog on my bed again, please” Josh adds smiling.
“Tyler!” Pete says cheerfully, “I’m Pete and have the pleasure to meet the best human being in the world, and my boyfriend, Patrick”
“Pleasure” Tyler says smiling at them and moving closer to Josh as the others try to fit themselves on the couch.
He ends up having his side pressed completely against Josh’s, he would have burst into an anxiety attack if it weren’t for the friendly arm curl around his shoulders and Josh’s soft voice ringing in his ear as he tries to talk to the others over Tyler. He looks at Josh fascinated as he talks. You see, Josh has a really nice voice and he makes the cutest expressions when he talks, Tyler likes his smile and the way his eye wrinkle and go impossibly small.
They spend their afternoon like that, all gathered in Josh’s room laughing and talking over redbull and Mario kart. It’s amazing how welcomed Tyler feels around these people and how they all try to include him as much as Josh does.
He learns a lot about Patrick and Pete; they are starting a band. They’ve got to know each other thanks to Josh. Turns out Josh convinced Pete to get help, the boy had a severe depression, and when he got into the clinic there was Patrick in a wheel chair and a cast on his leg.
“It’s the cliché thing when you look at that person and everything goes into slow-mo, everything around you gets blurry and all you see is that person in front of you, that gorgeous human being with the greenest eyes framed by black glasses, and in your head you go ‘damn, I want that person for me’, so I did just that” Pete says looking at Patrick like he is the most precious thing in the entire world, and maybe for Pete he is.
Patrick does share the same look as he looks at Pete and leans in to press their lips together softly. “And you got better.”
“And I did, thanks to you more than the clinic.” Pete says and he is pretty sure the world around them blurred and it’s just them in their little world, no one around seem to matter as another subjects comes up and everyone start to talk again.
When almost everyone is gone, Gerard offers to take Tyler home and it’s a second where he almost goes into panic before an arm holds him tightly. “No, I’ll walk Tyler home” Josh’s voice says, Tyler instantly melts against his side.
“Will you?” Gerard asks smiling and Josh nods, “okay then, maybe some other day. C’mon, love.”
Frank smiles taking Gerard’s hand and waves at them before they leave together.
Tyler stays there, pressed to Josh’s side, they are the only two left in the room.
“You really don’t have to walk me home” Tyler says pulling away slightly to look at Josh.
“I really do, I want to know where you live” Josh says and frowns, “that sounded so creepy, I didn’t mean it like that.”
Tyler giggles and shakes his head. “You are ridiculous, Joshua.”
Josh smiles and engulfs Tyler into his arms hugging him properly, this time Tyler does return the hug circling his arms around the boy. Josh holds him tightly, their chest pressed together. It should feel invasive cause most hugs have felt like that, even Zack’s and he is his own brother. But somehow, pressed to Josh and held tightly, Tyler feels he can breathe better. After an embarrassing moment in which Tyler isn’t ready to let go, he pulls away and Josh smile at him brightly and openly.
“Let’s go then” he says cheerfully.
-
The following Friday after school Tyler and Josh walk to Josh’s house together again. They arrange to start the music project. If Tyler is honest he is nervous, not cause he will be alone with Josh, but because Tyler’s imagination is dark. The lyrics he has ever written are a bit of a contradiction, too personal and hitting the core of his insecurities. They sound happy but the lyrics are dark.
“So is there anything you’d like to try?” Josh asks him as they walk into his room.
“I don’t really know…” Tyler mumbles as he sits in the couch and looks at Josh take off his jacket and shoes.
“Well… I think that you should write the lyirics cause you know, I suck at that… we can talk about percussion, any style you like?”
“I… um my brother likes when I rap, says I can do it pretty fast” Tyler says looking a bit unsure.
“Show me” Josh says with an encouraging smile.
“I… ‘m not sure about that”
“Why not?”
“What I rap… what I write but it’s quite personal… I don’t want to offend you because you’ve been great to me Josh, but I just… I can’t” Tyler mumbles looking down.
“That’s okay, some other day then, yeah?” Josh asks smiling sitting next to Tyler, “so now… what should we write about?”
Tyler stays in silence for a moment and then looks up at Josh smiling, “Taco bell.”
“Sick” Josh says smiling.
-
For Tyler and Josh, it was easy to hang out with each other. They were quite alike in a few aspects and share a lot of things. Tyler would stay silent for long moments that Josh would fill in. He spoke about all the nonsense that came up to his mind just as well as any insecurity or thought. He decided that to get to Tyler he needed to open up and slowly, very very slowly, Tyler started to open up too. He showed Josh a few of his lyrics and started to talk more about what was on his mind.
On a Sunday at 11pm Josh got a called that had him running out of his house. All he could listen was Tyler muffled sob and his “please come over”.
It is the first time Josh Dun listens Tyler cry for help.
It is the first time Tyler cries for help to someone that isn’t his family.
Josh gets to Tyler’s home and its Tyler’s mom who opens the door.
“Josh, thank god” she says with sad eyes, “he locked himself on his room and won’t open the door. I don’t know what to do.”
“Let it to me” Josh says and walks to Tyler’s room in a hurry; he knocks the door a few times. “Ty, it’s me mate, open the door.”
It takes a few minutes but the door opens and Josh rushes in quickly, without losing a second he hugs Tyler. He squeezes the breath out of his friend.
“I’m proud of you” Josh mumbles softly, “I’m glad you call me and ask for help, I’m proud.”
Tyler breaks down crying against his shoulder for a long while. When he feels his head light for all the crying and his exhausted body starts to give in, Josh helps him reach the bed and gets into it with him. They cuddle that night, Josh doesn’t bother Tyler with questions now, he will open up eventually and the boy needs to sleep.
As Tyler’s eyes fall close Josh mumbles soft words. He tells Tyler that he is going to be okay, that he won’t leave his side, that he is not alone, that soon the night would come to an end and he will try again. Tyler falls asleep holding into Josh’s hand and tear drops on his eyelashes.
The next morning Tyler’s eyes open, they are sore for all the crying but first thing he sees is Josh soft features as he sleeps next to him, their hands still tangled together. He bites his lip and smiles, he doesn’t know what he did to deserve this but he is eternally glad he has Josh.
-
That keeps happening.
Josh makes Tyler promise he will call him whenever he needs him no matter the hour and Tyler does so.
They start to spend so much time together that they start to spend the night at each other’s quite frequently and Tyler loves it. He loves to fall asleep in Josh’s arms, loves to wake up to his face, loves to have the mix of their colognes on his shirt and he just loves Josh.
That’s it.
Tyler loves Josh.
-
They decided to have a midnight walk cause the night was perfect, a clear sky with stars spread all over it like uncountable freckles in the dark skin of the night. They decided it’s too beautiful, so they sit in a bench in the park and stare at it for a long while.
“Tyler, why did you decide to trust me?” Josh asks in a curious tone.
“Well… I really don’t know that myself. I remember coming back home after you saved my ass from those guys and the way you told me you didn’t intend to hurt me. I was trying desperately to believe that above my dark thoughts and then I remember my mom saying it was worth keep going… honestly, I realized I was a pray of my own fears and I didn’t want that. I just wanted to fight it. Before going to bed I was thinking though, I was amazed to think someone like you would want to be my friend. I wondered why you’d be so nice to someone pathetic like me, but you were patient and you always pushed in…”
“You’re not pathetic” Josh interrupts.
“But I am” Tyler says softly after a while.
“Who are we really? I think… I think we are a collection of what we learn from others, we take in their perspectives and we shape ourselves to theirs. We are what we learn from our parents, we are what we learn in the streets, we are what we take from our friends. We are moments gathered in our minds. Who we truly are? Well, that’s a mystery. You think you are pathetic and I wonder which memories take you to that conclusion. When I look at you, I see someone… someone beautiful; you have such a bright smile when you are happy and your eyes wrinkle and get really small. You are something amazing to stare at, Tyler, if you could see how much you’ve changed. You were trapped in darks memories and perspectives of yourself; you got lost there. You are amazing and Brendon, Gerard, all of them could tell you so. People, people can hurt that we know but if we stay in that place and don’t move, if we are constantly opening that wound how it will heal? I saw you heal Tyler, and it was the most amazing thing I’ve ever saw.” Josh says looking up at the starry night, he turns to Tyler then. “When I first saw you in the music class and we talk about music, I saw your eyes shine with excitement when you said you love music. I thought to myself in that moment that we couldn’t let that go to waste, I wouldn’t allow it. When you asked me why I wanted to be your friend I couldn’t tell you that, but I can tell you know, I didn’t want that light to die, I didn’t want you to die.”
Tyler stays silent looking into Josh’s eyes. He moves closer and hugs him tightly, Josh holds him all the while caressing his hair.
“Thank you” Tyler says softly, his eyes wet. “It’s because of you, it’s all you. I wanted to be a better person for you, for them… and you make me realize that I wanted to be better for myself too.”
“You are so strong and wonderful, Tyler” Josh mumbles not letting him go, “you just needed someone to help you realize this, it is my pleasure to be that person.”
“When I look at you…” Tyler says pulling away slightly to look at Josh’s face, “I see the best friend I’ve ever had, I… I love you.”
“I love you too, Ty” Josh says smiling and hugging him again.
They stay like that for a long while.
The starry night being the only witness of the uncommon situation: two souls mating. Two souls becoming something no powers of nature could ever break.
-
Tyler feels more alive that he has ever felt before. He laughs loudly and openly with Gerard, dances on the street with Brendon, sings to the top of his lungs with Hayley, writes sometimes with Patrick.
But most importantly… Tyler falls in love with Josh.
Tyler falls in love with Josh small touches to remind him he is near him, falls in love with the wrinkles around Josh’s eyes when he smiles, falls in love with Josh’s face when he naps.
He falls in love with Josh entirely.
If it was someone else Tyler would be terrified about it. But he isn’t because it’s Josh and even if Tyler were to tell him, he knows Josh would be patient and good about it. He just knows that Josh wouldn’t laugh at his face and call him pathetic and walk away from his life. He knows because he has caught Josh staring at him far too many times with a fond expression on his face, and those eyes say more than any word could.
-
Josh wakes up to Tyler’s sleeping face again; he smiles because the winter break didn’t pull them apart at all. Josh would wake up curled against Tyler like it’s the most natural thing in the world, and it feels like it in all honestly.
He leans in and presses his lips to Tyler’s forehead and smiles softly when Tyler starts to stir.
“Morning Ty” Josh says staying close to him.
You see, Josh is in love with Tyler and he has been holding it back for far too long. Josh fell in love with Tyler without even realizing it. He has thought Tyler was beautiful many times, with the round full lips and brown eyes. He has enjoyed his company too much till the point he wouldn’t want to let the other go. He just wanted to be with Tyler all the time, talk to him, share things with him. He saw Tyler light up like a Christmas tree and he loved it. He saw Tyler breakdown too many nights and he hold on to him because he loves him.
“Joshua” Tyler says with a sleepy voice and moving closer to his body.
Josh presses their foreheads together and smiles softly.
“Hey Tyler?” he asks and Tyler hums, “would you be my boyfriend?”
Tyler smiles and opens his eyes lazily, the corner of his mouth turn up in a small smile. He looks into Josh’s eyes for a long while before he starts to lean in, their lips press in a soft caress.
“I thought you’d never ask” he mumbles still smiling.
“Is that a yes?” Josh asks with a big smile on his lips.
“Yes, Joshua” Tyler says smiling and leans to kiss Josh again.
-
In his life Tyler always thought that peace would only come with death, not in a million years he would have thought that peace would come in the form of a boy, in shoulders bumping together, in shared laughter and wrinkled eyes. He didn’t know, but he is thankful he kept going to figure it out.
Fin.