Chapter Text
Bilbo Baggins never regretted going on an adventure with thirteen dwarrows and one wizard.
He also did not regret that the journey had been littered with dangers and near death experiences, and that blood and dirt had been constant companions of said adventure. Because it had also come with laughter, friendships and memories that would forever warm his heart whenever he found himself feeling a bit lonely back home at Bag End.
No, what had left him with the deepest remorse was the end of the adventure and with it, the finality of the three deaths. Within the privacy of his home he could sometimes admit to himself that there might have been more in the case of one of those friendships: It was a bond that he would have once discarded as “hogwash, a foolish idea made up by lovesick romantic fools” - but that was before he met Thorin and his company.
When Thorin had said his final goodbye to the hobbit, he had come undone. And when he had forced himself to shut down all his feelings so he could endure the pale and lifeless faces of the Durins and pay his respects in that dark funeral cave, Bilbo had lost all curiousity about Erebor: To him, it became “that cursed mountain”, the kingdom that had cruelly snuffed out its most loyal servants.
Bilbo hated that mountain.
In his haste to get as far away as possible from the horrid place he fled at the earliest opportunity, while the last note of the songs for the stone was still lingering. He still suffered occasional pains from the nasty bump on his head but not enough to keep him from gathering his few items in a small bundle and leaving a short letter for each member of the company in Balin’s capable hands. Then he was ready to set off to Dale for the night, confident that he would find a group of elves traveling back to Mirkwood.
Gandalf needed two days to track down his hobbit friend, and when he finally caught up with him in Thranduil’s kingdom, Bilbo welcomed him with shiny eyes and a glad smile as the grey wizard revealed his intention to accompany his friend all the way back to the Shire. However glad he was to see the wizard again though, he refused to speak about the journey that had passed, only acknowledging that he was looking very much forward to returning to the peacefulness of his hobbit hole.
When they had arrived at Bag End at last, and after Gandalf had stayed several days in his want to reassure himself that Bilbo would be able to settle back into his old life, the wizard attempted one last time to speak to the hobbit about the remaining company and the reactions to their burglar’s sudden departure.
“No, I do not wish to know about that, thank you very much, Gandalf. I thank you for your kindness and bid you safe travels.” And with this, Bilbo firmly shut the door on all the vile aspects of the adventure, including the fact that he could no longer think about anyone in the company without seeing Thorin’s lifeless body and his dulled eyes.