Chapter Text
It's some time past midnight, and you can't sleep.
Truth be told, this isn't something particularly out of the ordinary for you. Insomnia is something you've struggled with for years, ever since you exiled yourself to the woods after the embarrassing display you made of yourself in the season 1 finale. It was infuriating, being unable to sleep when you desperately wanted to, and many of your nights were spent cursing your brain for not allowing you a proper night's rest.
…Usually.
Tonight, though? You didn't have a care in the world. Even if you weren't an insomniac, you probably wouldn't want to sleep anyway. Your mind is still active, racing with thoughts you'd really like to push aside, and the energy to Get Stuff Done as a result. Some may call this avoidance. You call this optimization. You don't need to be focusing on your stupid feelings when you have infinitely more important things to worry about, such as helping everyone get their lives back together!!!
It's been about 2 weeks since the dramatic finale of season 2. Everyone's still settling down from the chaos, so your emotions are all out of whack. Lots of fighting, crying, nightmares… honestly, it's enough to drive you insane, but nobody's letting you go back into the woods to get away from all this mess. Something about community? Whatever. You think it's stupid. As if you'd ever be accepted into whatever community they're all trying to build, anyway.
…So. You're clearly not getting any sleep tonight, and you don't want to sit around all night doing nothing. You need something to occupy your mind until the morning. So, you've decided the best course of action would be to go do some foraging. You were supposed to do this with Suitcase and whoever else decided to tag along tomorrow, but who can blame you for wanting a head start? It's not like you're going to be able to get everything in a single trip into the woods. You'll still have plenty to gather with everyone in the morning.
Quietly, you bring yourself to your feet and make your way into the forest you've found yourself oh-so familiar with over the years, dodging and weaving through the countless sleeping bodies of other contestants. One quick look around to make sure you didn't wake anyone up, and you were off, the quiet crunching of grass and leaves being the only indication of your departure.
…Ah, now that you're alone…
You dig around in your shell, pulling out a small black bow tie and putting it on. The same one you stole from Test Tube, all that time ago. You found it while looking around the area MephoneX, Cobs, Toilet, and… Bow? Apple? would have landed when Melife was unplugged. Turns out Test Tube's creations aren't tied to it, so they all came out of the mass deletion perfectly unharmed! You snatched it up and stuffed it into your shell before the others could find it like they did the obvious pile of stashed goods you had in your shell prior to being deleted. You happen to like this thing. It's… comforting, in a sense, to have it on.
Unfortunately, you can't really wear it around anyone, if anyone saw you with it you'd be getting another verbal beating from a very angry vial. You're glad you can have it on now, at least, where nobody can catch you. You'll definitely have to take it off again once you're done here, but for now, you're grateful to have it at all.
it's one of the few things you have left
After a few minutes of searching, you stumble across what looks to be a blackberry bush. Further inspection proves your initial guess right, and while berries aren't the most filling fruit in the world, any food is better than nothing. You begin taking all the berries from the surface of the bush, placing them gently into your shell.
Blackberry bushes are covered in thorns, from the inside out. Any sane person would stop here, or at least put on some protective gear before digging any deeper to avoid being scratched up. But you're alone, it's late, you're tired, and you have no reasonable way to obtain a pair of gloves.
You like to think you have a pretty high pain tolerance. Theoretically, if you were to dig deeper, you think you'd be fine. All theoretical, of course. You have no plans of actually doing it. You… think the last time an injury truly got to you was that crack you got from that stupid accident in the cave. It was usually a dull, throbbing pain that you could ignore, but near the end of its lifespan it had begun ramping up, feeling as if your head was splitting. You still don't know why you ever thought that stunt would be safe.
("Maybe you really
are—
")
Before you can even think about it, you shove your arms deep into the blackberry bush, facial expression tightening from the pain of thorns embedding into and dragging across your skin. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. You're already here. Just get the job done. No longer paying attention to the thorns dragging across you, you take whatever berries you can get a hold of, pulling them out of the bush and into your shell. You do this a couple more times, the stinging pain of the scratches becoming mere background noise through the several trips.
…There's something oddly cathartic about this. It's pain you can control.
Eventually, though, you decide you've gathered enough. As you pick the thorns out from your skin, you take the time to inspect the damage done to your arms. Blood bubbles to the surface, forming beads across your wounds until surface tension breaks, and begins trailing down like small, glistening rivers. Try as you may to wipe the evidence of the damage away, it always returns a mere few seconds later.
Well. That's annoying. It's fine, though. By the time you're done here, the bleeding should have stopped, and you'll be able to wash it off before you return to the group in the morning. You'll just have to deal with the uncomfortable wet sensation for a while. Back to it!
Doing your best to ignore the bleeding, you continue your search for other forageables in the area. Your eyes focus on what looks to be a cluster of puffball mushrooms, an easy source of protein. But you don't have a blade, so you have no way of cutting them open to see if they're edible, or even puffballs at all. They could be immature amanitas, for all you know! You don't feel like being accused of intentionally poisoning the group, nor do you feel like tripping to your early grave, so you leave them be.
…You DO spot some easily recognizable button mushrooms and chantrelles though, which you gladly take. You all need something to substitute for meat, after all.
After spending some time looking at the ground, you notice an all-too familiar yellow fruit in the corner of your vision. A lemon! Certainly much more filling than berries, and quite easy to obtain in bulk without running the risk of shredding your arms, or any other part of your body. You quickly stuff the lemon into your shell, and look up to the tree it fell from. Ideally, you would have a partner to carry the fruit while you pick it… but alas, you came here alone.
Scanning the tree for the easiest way up, you begin climbing. It always makes you feel… odd, harvesting from lemon trees. It's something you've been doing for years, and yet you can never seem to push away the memories that come with the activity. You tend to get literally anyone else to do it during foraging trips for this exact reason.
No avoiding it this time. You reach the branches, and begin picking.
Pickle… has been acting like you don't exist, ever since you defeated Cobs. You can't say you blame him, in his position, you would probably do the same. Still, though, you can't help but feel a pang in your chest whenever he walks past you without even looking, or addresses everyone in the area except you. Sometimes, you catch him glancing at you, and despite the hatred in his eyes, it makes you a little happy, knowing that you're at least alive to him.
You've heard how he talks about you when he thinks you aren't around, or even when he knows you are. He truly, 100% despises you. There is not a single part of him that misses you, and if there was, it's long gone. You… are no longer anything, in his mind. He does not care, and he does not want things back to the way they were. He's moved on from you, made new friends, and you wish you could say you were happy for him…
…But you can't. You don't like his friends. Not even a little bit. Mic is his friend, and that's fine, of course they'd be friends when you ruined both of them, but Cheesy? Bomb? Knife??? They all get on your nerves. Cheesy is annoying, Bomb is just as grating, and you cannot begin to comprehend how Knife ever got on his good side, when he's just as awful as you are. Does Pickle NOT remember his tyranny in season 1!? He doesn't deserve to be his friend!
But neither do you. Especially not after…
after…
you can still hear his scream in the back of your mind. the sound of his lifeless body collapsing to the floor. the desperate tapping on mephone's screen behind you as he tried to bring him back, to no avail. all you wanted to do was apologize, to grasp at straws and try to claim that new start that you were told over and over again you could have by me—
…
…When did you start shaking?
You… feel lightheaded. Breathing hurts.
You should get down from this tree. You have enough lemons.
Carefully, you make your way back down to the ground, falling into a sitting position. Blinking rapidly, you squeeze your upper arms while forcing your breathing under control. Stop being so dramatic. it happened weeks ago. It's over. No need to shudder and cry like a toddler, you're a grown woman. Act like it. It's fine.
You're fine.
…
You can see a sliver of orange in the sky. Dawn will break any second now. You stand up, making your way towards the nearest river while picking up any other forageables you see, despite stumbling from the weight of all that you're already carrying. You'll recollect yourself from that childish display before you return, you're sure of it. For now, you just need arms that aren't covered in blood.
—
With cleaned arms, a hidden bow tie, and a shell full of food, you finally make your way back to the empty field the others have called home, just as the sun has risen. Most of the group is still asleep, that you can see, but your eyes draw themselves to Suitcase and Balloon, who were both already up, seemingly discussing future plans for the space.
You clear your throat, announcing your presence to them. They turn to face you, and Suitcase smiles warmly.
"Oh, Taco! Good morning! I didn't see you earlier, I was kind of worried…"
That last comment almost made you laugh, but you keep your mouth shut. You smile confidently, walking towards the two despite your legs beginning to tremble. You take a step a little too far forward…
"I found—"
…And immediately lose your balance, your legs giving out as you collapse to the ground face-first. The foodstuffs you foraged splay out in front of you, and you can feel the eyes of everyone currently awake burning into you. You're… fairly certain you heard some laughter, as well. Or at least, a very bad attempt of hiding it.
You wish you could sink into the dirt and never return from its clutches.
You hear footsteps approaching you, and look up from the dirt to see Suitcase looking down at you, offering a leg out with an amused expression. She thinks you can't back stand up on your own. How sweet.
"Youuu… need any help there?"
"I'm fine," You sit up, depositing the rest of your spoils onto the ground before standing without Suitcase's help, "I was just carrying a lot. I took the time to go foraging last night. I know the plan was to go out in a group this morning, but I figured I should at least get a head start."
…Suitcase and Balloon are looking at you funny.
"Wow, uh…" Balloon looks you up and down with furrowed brows, clearly trying to find a way to word his thoughts. "You look… great," is what he settles on. You scoff.
"Have you been getting sarcasm lessons from Nickel?"
"Uhh—"
You cut him off before he can respond. "You could use some more work."
Balloon makes… some kind of noise of frustration at this, before sighing. "Okay, fine, you look awful then. Were you up all night foraging…?"
"Yes?" You're not sure you see the problem here. "I couldn't sleep. I'd rather spend a sleepless night doing something productive than lie around doing nothing."
"Okaaaay…" Balloon looks down to your arms. "And the cuts are…?"
"Blackberry bush incident," you answer calmly and confidently. It was an incident, yes, you just aren't going to mention the part where the incident was a knee-jerk reaction to an unwanted memory that you then repeated several times on purpose. Leave that part out for the press. They'll think you're suicidal, or something.
…
…Uh, anyway. Your relationship with Balloon is... complicated. You were both actors, playing a character for the game. You could see through him like an open window, and sometimes, you wonder if he could see through you as well. Not like it matters, neither of you ever called each other out on your lies.
It's ironic. The two of you had both flipped your true personalities to a complete 180, accidentally mirroring each other, and were both believed. Unlike you, however, Balloon was shunned for his persona, not for what was under it. Also unlike you, he was forgiven. He was accepted back into the lives of the contestants that he hurt, and had grown stronger for it. You never saw him on season 3, (which happened, apparently?) but you heard whispers of him getting second place.
...Ha. Second. Funny. Just like you.
"Huh. Weeeelll, thank you for all of this!" Suitcase smiles hesitantly, scanning through the food you gathered. "You're probably exhausted… don't worry about the foraging party, Cabby made sure to let me know she'd be willing to stand in as a substitute for plant identification if you weren't available. You can feel free to take the rest of the day off—"
Ah! They're trying to get rid of you!
"Oh no, that won't be necessary," you answer far too quickly, "I'm not tired. I am more than capable of guiding you all through the woods this morning."
Suitcase exchanges a glance with Balloon, clearly upset that their master plan didn't work, before turning back to you. "Are you—…?"
Something about your expression stops her in her tracks. She clears her throat.
"O…kay then! Well, uh… so far, the people who are interested in coming today are Trophy, Yinyang, Bot, Life Ring, Tea Kettle, Box, Candle, and maybe Apple and Marshmallow."
"Trophy?" You don't believe it. "That pathetic, self-centered whelp? What business does he have going foraging?"
"Oh, he's not coming to forage," Balloon jumps in, as if you were talking to him, "he just wants to take pictures. He's surprisingly into photography!"
You find yourself looking towards the titular man. He's one of the few early risers, doing push-ups alongside Blueberry. Blueberry is doing reps significantly faster than him, with much less struggle. You're starting to think Knife calling him a 'jock' was a tad generous.
"So then he won't be contributing," you deadpan. "Wonderful. I'm sure his pretty pictures will be our saving grace in these trying times."
Balloon rolls his eyes. "At least he has a hobby…"
"Pardon?"
"Ooookaayy…!" Suitcase smiles, noticeably stepping between the two of you. "Balloon, would you mind helping me gather everyone?
"Yes, ma'am!" Balloon salutes playfully. "I'll get the season 3 gang, since I'm more familiar with them. Meet here in 10?"
"Sounds good!" Suitcase beams, watching Balloon run off to start picking up his friends. He's became quite the social butterfly since you last saw him.
"Season 3…" You still can't believe season 3 is actually a thing that happened. How? When? You're sure you've had it explained to you before, but you're still so confused. Suitcase laughs a little.
"Yeah, tell me about it… I thought Knife and I were the last to find out!" Suitcase begins walking off in the direction of Yinyang, though still talking to you. "I'm… still kind of processing it myself. Mephone's… definitely an interesting person."
"Hm. Interesting isn't the word I'd use." Just thinking about him makes your blood boil. What an awful, selfish person, creating all of these people to use as toys. Creating someone like…
"Oh!" Suitcase cuts off your train of thought. "How long have we been running low on fire wood…?" You turn to where Suitcase is looking. Sure enough, your pile was getting dangerously small. "Looks like we'll have to gather some of that while we're out this morning, too…" Suitcase hums thoughtfully.
"Ooh! Ooh! I'll do it!!" Lightbulb, who had apparently woken up at some point, raised her hand excitedly. "I'll be on stick duty!!!"
Suitcase goes to respond, but you cut her off quickly. "Absolutely not. the last time you were on 'stick duty', you ate over half of them." You're fairly certain she had less sticks in her mouth when she arrived at the truth or flare platforms than she did when she had initially gathered them. There was no chance you were trusting her with that task.
Suitcase stares at you, a little wide-eyed. "How… long were you watching us back there—?"
"Cmooooon! Suitcase, buddy, friendo, you trust me, right? I'll be so good. Won't eat a single one! Promise!" Lightbulb says this with the kind of mischievous grin that shows she's lying. She may bring wood back, but it will certainly be less than the amount she finds. Why is she so fascinated with eating inedibles, anyway…?
"I… don't see why not." Suitcase made the incredibly poor decision to trust Lightbulb. This was going to be her first mistake and, ultimately, her undoing. "Are you coming with our foraging group, then?"
"Well I would, but…" Lightbulb looks over to Paintbrush, Test tube, and Fan behind her, expression falling. "Painty's still asleep, and they get kinda nervous when we're not around."
"Oh…" Suitcase frowns. "That makes sense." It was no secret that the events of that day affected everyone… but, from the pile of bodies by the door of the mansion? It's pretty easy to figure out why Paintbrush doesn't want to be away from their friends.
After a brief pause, Lightbulb springs right back to her usual self. "Sooo, I was kinda thinkin' us four could go together! So they don't have to worry!" She says this, but her fidgeting hands make it obvious that this isn't only for their sake. You decide to not call her out on that, at least that means she has people to keep her from eating all the firewood. You grumble.
"As long as I'm not being forced into the same general area as that foolish flask."
"Ay!" Lightbulb, being Test Tube's second strongest defender topped only by Fan, quickly jumps in to interrupt you. "Test Tube's no dummy, you should know that after you fiddled with all her stuff!"
Right. you forgot the word that you were the true thief of all her things got spread around. The response has been… varied. You can't help but notice how people look at you, now. how they still look at you. You're sure Lightbulb feels the same as everyone else.
You have… thoughts, on Test Tube's intelligence, especially due to recent events, but you decide against voicing them. A good person wouldn't be badmouthing someone in front of one of her best friends, after all!~
"Right, of course, my apologies. She really is quite incredible." Lightbulb beams, seemingly satisfied with your backpedaling. For now, the countless of eyes you feel constantly on you have receded. You'll give it about 10 minutes before you mess something up again.
"Hey girl!" an unexpected voice makes you jump. Soap is walking towards your little group, looking directly at you. Joke's on you! The peace didn't even last 5 seconds!~
You find yourself tensing in her presence. "Ah, Soap. Good morning. I… didn't notice you walk over." She has a habit of sneaking up on you, you've noticed.
Soap seems slightly confused by your behaviour, but notices your arms before she can respond. Her expression hardens, the unmistakable look of you having done something wrong on her face. "Why do you have cuts all over your arms?"
You freeze, sputtering over your words like some moron. The very simple and truthful explanation you easily gave Suitcase and Balloon was stuck in your throat, all because it was Soap asking the questions. Lightbulb frowns, either only just now noticing the cuts or only just now visibly acknowledging them.
"Taco said something about a 'blackberry bush incident'…" As if on cue, Suitcase heroically sweeps in to answer for you. Something you'd normally detest, but you were currently very grateful for. You clear your throat.
"Yes! I was gathering blackberries last night while I was out foraging. My trip ended up bountiful, but the blackberry bush did a number on my arms." You feel yourself gaining your confidence back. "I washed the blood off in the river before I came back, and—"
"YOU WASHED YOUR OPEN WOUNDS WITH RIVER WATER!?!?"
Soap's sudden yelling nearly makes you leap 12 feet in the air. You make some kind of noise of alarm, before responding. "Uh… yes…?"
Soap sputters at you helplessly before shaking her head violently. "YOU—! YOU DON'T!!! YOU DON'T DO THAT!!! DO YOU KNOW WHAT'S IN THAT WATER!? BACTERIA! DIRT! FISH POOP! FISH CORPSES! YOU DON'T WANT THAT IN YOUR CUTS!!! THAT'S HOW YOU GET AN INFECTION!!!"
You… genuinely aren't sure how to respond to that. You're pretty sure this is a bit much. "I've drank water from that river before. it's perfectly accepta—"
"THAT'S EVEN WORSE!!!" Soap looks like you just told her you have a week to live. "No no no, I'm getting a proper antiseptic. DON'T. GO. ANYWHERE."
Soap runs off to Life ring with a sense of urgency, and you stand there, completely dumbfounded.
"…That was extreme, wasn't it?" You turn to Suitcase and Lightbulb. They do not seem to agree.
Suitcase simply frowns at you. "Please don't put dirty water on your cuts again."
After Soap spends a good 30 minutes disinfecting your wounds, Suitcase gets you to help gather everyone up for foraging, for some reason. You try to argue that you're the last person most of these people want to talk to directly, but you digress. Suitcase has gotten quite convincing since her victory. That, and you'd rather not get in the bad side of someone as highly respected as her.
Once everyone has been gathered, you set off into the woods. You can feel Suitcase staring at you oddly, which could be for… a variety of reasons. You're still pretty sure she wants to replace you with Cabby, which would certainly explain it. Oh well! They're not getting rid of you that easy!~
…Even if they all have good reason to not want to see you.