Chapter Text
Turning 30 was relatively unremarkable. When he was a kid, Till imagined it would be some big accomplishment and after seeing 13 Going on 30, he really thought his 30s would be some of the best years of his life and he couldn’t wait to be “thirty, flirty, and thriving,” but life wasn’t a rom com and he wasn’t Jenna Rink, working for a trendy fashion magazine, living his dreams. No, he was, unfortunately, a thirty year old virgin, working a steady, but mind-numbingly dull job at an office that he didn’t necessarily despise, but didn’t exactly enjoy either. He was decent at what he did, but it wasn’t his dream, he gave that up a long time ago when he realized just how few musicians really made it big in the grand scheme of things.
What he didn’t expect, however, was what happened on his thirtieth birthday. Because even though his life wasn’t an American rom com, maybe it was a shoujo manga starring a pathetic lead because his virgin status had granted him a magical power. But even his power wasn’t all that special as far as magical powers go, he could read people’s minds, which on the surface seems great, but he had to actually touch someone to be able to read their thoughts. At first glance, he thought it was wonderful, he could finally figure out what women looked for and by reading their thoughts, charm his way into their hearts, but then he remembered, if touching women was easy for him, he wouldn’t be in this predicament in the first place.
The day he discovered this power started just like any other day, his alarm went off at 6:00 and he slammed the snooze button approximately five separate times, making him nearly late for work and he had to rush to leave the house, barely even having time to make sure he was properly dressed let alone fix his ever present bedhead. He looked like a mess and he knew it, but he was shocked when he bumped into a stranger on the train and heard her thoughts crystal clear as if they had been spoken to him.
Wow, he looks like shit, does he even own a mirror? Who leaves the house looking like that?
“Excuse me?” Till muttered, mouth agape in shock, he couldn’t believe this woman would say this to him, what happened to common decency?
“Uh, what? I didn’t say anything?” The woman asked, eyes wide in surprise.
“You just said I looked like shit, that no one would ever leave the house looking like this, I overslept, okay? Is that a crime?” Till grumbles. He should’ve been more polite, maybe he would’ve been normally, but he was running late this morning and that meant he hadn’t been properly caffeinated and a Till with no caffeine was a force to be reckoned with.
“I– what? I would never say something like that,” the woman responds, voice pitching upwards in distress, then the train jostles them again, forcing them to bump into each other once more.
Shit, did I actually say my thoughts out loud, he must think I’m such a bitch, you idiot! Till only knows she doesn’t say this because he watches her face as he hears the words and her lips never move, meaning she is either a highly skilled ventriloquist or he could actually hear her thoughts.
“I, uh, right, sorry, I must be imagining things, sorry to bother you,” Till mutters, feeling his face flush in embarrassment. Now the woman probably thought he was a shabby dresser and an asshole, a winning combination, maybe that was why he had never had any luck with women.
“I-it’s fine, you don’t look that bad, either, honestly, here just let me fix your hair for you, it’s kind of standing up everywhere,” she says with a smile, reaching out to touch Till’s hair. He flinches on instinct and she apologizes. “May I?” She asks, smiling kindly. That makes his flush grow even deeper, she was very cute, maybe his luck was turning around.
He nods and she reaches out to smooth down his fly aways and at the contact her thoughts echo through his head once more. Poor guy, looks like he barely slept, must have a hard job. He plasters a smile to his face, he did barely sleep, that was why he hit the snooze button so many times but it had little to do with his job and more to do with the fact that he spent the better portion of the night writing a song that no one would ever hear.
“There, that’s better,” she says, pulling away with a smile and she produces a small mirror for him to inspect her handiwork. His hair was much less disheveled now than it normally was, but she did nothing to fix the egregiously dark, heavy bags underneath his eyes.
“T-thank you,” Till stammers. This was the most contact he’s had with a woman in years and it was born of pity, what a way to start his day, his birthday nonetheless. It was the start to another year full of disappointment.
Things continued that way for a while. He was still shocked whenever he made contact with people, their internal thoughts making him feel a variety of things from disgust to self-pity, but eventually he got used to it.
Ew he touched me, so gross, so many germs, was what the cashier at the local convenience store thought when he accidentally grazed her hand to give her the bills to pay for his coffee. Fucking punk kid, can’t even watch where he’s going, an executive thought when he bumped into him on the elevator because he, admittedly, wasn’t watching where he was going. It was strange, hearing what people really thought, what they really wanted to say, all with a fake smile plastered on their face. It quickly became overwhelming and he learned to avoid contact at all costs, it was easier that way, his own thoughts were too much to deal with on a good day, he didn’t need to hear other people’s thoughts on top of that.
He was doing well ignoring people for the most part and after a few weeks had mastered the art of avoiding contact whenever possible, people probably just assumed he was a germaphobe or something, but that was better than hearing what they secretly wished they could say aloud. That was until one fateful day on the elevator at work, of all places, changed his world irrevocably.
He was running late as usual and he spotted a familiar face in the lobby, rushing towards him. It was Ivan, his colleague, a relatively quiet, but well-mannered and well-spoken man, who seemed to be in quite a hurry. That was strange, Ivan was always painfully punctual, no he was normally early and arriving at the same time as Till would make him almost late.
“Hey! Till, hold the elevator please!” Ivan called and Till did as he was instructed, holding the door open for him and they pushed their way into the crowded elevator.
The elevator was full, packed to capacity, and everyone inside of it was packed like sardines in the small space. Ivan tried to keep his distance from Till, but someone shoved their way in behind them, pushing Ivan into his personal bubble and forcing them to make contact.
“Sorry, Till,” Ivan muttered with a smile. Then he heard him say something, or rather think something, so clearly he may as well have spoken the words aloud. It must be my lucky day, I never run into them, maybe it was a good thing that the train broke down if it means I get to start my day by being this close to a literal angel.
Oh, that was interesting. Ivan, Mr. Perfect, had himself a little crush on someone. Curiosity gets the better of him and he scans the elevator looking for whoever could be the lucky lady. The elevator was full of all sorts of people, business men and women, several office sirens who were whispering amongst themselves, likely about Ivan. He was the talk of the office, it was no secret that all the girls had a little bit of a crush on him and lucky for one of them, he must have felt the same way.
Some bumps into Ivan again, causing them to come face to face, chest to chest, Ivan presses his hand against the wall of the elevator to ground himself and try to put a bit of distance between the two of them, but they’re still too close, touching which means Till still gets to hear his thoughts. Ivan glances at him briefly and then tears his eyes away and stares at the doors in front of them.
He’s so close, I wonder if he can hear my heart racing, look at that bedhead it should be illegal to be that cute.
What? But it doesn’t stop there. Why does this elevator have to be so full, if it was just him and I, I would pin him against the wall and—
Till’s face flushes, there’s no way Ivan is talking about him of all people, it just doesn’t make any sense. As if Ivan could hear his thoughts, his doubts, another thought rings clear through his head, clearing up any confusion or doubt he had.
Till is so cute, I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone so adorable, he always looks like he’s overslept but it only makes him more endearing.
Huh, so Ivan had a thing for Till, that was news and certainly wasn’t on his bingo card for this year, but neither was becoming a psychic. At least those thoughts were tame, it could’ve been way worse, Ivan could’ve been some secret pervert. As if on cue, something much less PG rings through his mind.
I wonder if that’s what he looks like when he’s just been fucked or if it’s even worse, I wonder how pretty his face would be when he’s just about to cum, would he cry my name, beg for more? This thought is accompanied by an image Till wishes he could unsee, one of Ivan pinning him against the elevator wall, licking a stripe down his neck before pulling the lobe of his ear between his teeth and shoving his hand down the front of his pants. It’s all so real he can practically feel Ivan’s hot breath on his neck, feel his slender fingers wrapping around his cock, the sharp sting of pain from his teeth digging into his skin, and dammit if it isn’t kind of sexy and if he wasn’t so shocked and surrounded by over ten people he sees on a daily basis, he might’ve enjoyed it, but given the circumstances, all Till can do is flush impossibly redder and gently push against Ivan’s chest to try to put some space between them.
Till brings his free hand to his mouth and coughs to hide his embarrassment.
“Oh, I’m so sorry, Till, this must be terribly uncomfortable,” Ivan mutters with a shy but kind smile. Yeah, their position was definitely what was uncomfortable, not Ivan’s thoughts and mental images being forcibly projected into Till’s brain.
“It’s fine, not like you can help that the elevator is crowded or anything,” Till grumbles, avoiding Ivan’s intense gaze. Has he always looked at him like that? He was looking at Till like he wanted to devour him whole or maybe it was his mind playing tricks on him.
“Right,” Ivan chuckles, letting his eyes drift slightly lower and staring intently at Till’s mouth.
His lips look so soft, so kissable, I want to eat him up or lock him up so no one can see him, maybe both, Ivan thinks and Till shudders at the words, the raw desperation lacing the thought. How had he never seen it before? Judging by his thoughts, he was barely holding himself together, he must have some stellar self-restraint. He debates the merits of getting off on the next floor and walking up ten flights of stairs, he would definitely be late and extremely sweaty but that had to be better than being exposed to Ivan’s nefarious thoughts, in addition to being extremely uncomfortable for Till, it kind of felt like an invasion of privacy.
By the grace of God or whatever higher power decided to look down upon Till that morning, several people exited the elevator on the next floor, freeing up enough space for Ivan to back out of Till’s personal bubble. He shoots him a sad, almost remorseful glance, and then he steps back, straightening his tie and pushing back a few loose strands of hair that had fallen forward. Suddenly feeling self-conscious, Till smooths his hair down in an attempt to calm his apparently otherworldly bedhead. Ivan apparently notices because Till hears the deep rumble of his laughter from next to him, he shoots him a glare but his annoyance ebbs the second he takes in the look of sheer adoration on his face.
“Here, let me help,” Ivan offers and reaches for Till, out of fear of hearing more of his thoughts, Till flinches and hurt flashes across Ivan’s features momentarily before he schools his expression back into nonchalance. “Sorry, I’ve been in your personal space a lot already this morning,” he adds, withdrawing his hand.
Guilt creeps its way into Till’s stomach. “N-no, it’s fine, sorry I just wasn’t expecting it, you can help, if you want,” Till offers and Ivan smiles somewhat sheepishly, but reaches out again. Till squeezes his eyes shut, preparing for the onslaught of thoughts he was about to hear, he wasn’t expecting what came.
His hair is so soft, it looks kind of mangey sometimes but it’s surprisingly soft. I wonder what it smells like, Ivan thinks and he leans in almost imperceptibly and inhales deeply. Till’s eyes fly open and he stares at Ivan wide eyed.
“Dude…did you just sniff me?” Till breathes, he’s almost too shocked for words, thinking creepy things when no one should be able to hear you was one thing, sniffing someone like a dog was something else entirely.
Apparently equally as shocked by his actions, Ivan draws back suddenly, his expression a mirror of the horror Till felt. “I…uh, yeah I guess I did, I don’t really know why I did that, sorry,” Ivan mutters, quickly averting his gaze.
“It’s fine,” Till says, but it really isn’t his world has been completely turned upside down in a matter of minutes and now he has to deal with Ivan’s apparent fixation with him that he’s supposed to know nothing about. He has no idea how he’s going to do that.
The rest of the elevator ride is silent and when they finally arrive at their floor, the doors open and Ivan glances over his shoulder at Till, smiling apologetically before heading out and going directly to his desk. This was going to be incredibly difficult to navigate and he wasn’t exactly quick on his feet, but no one could find out about this gift or curse, whatever it was. No one would believe him even if he told them.
★
It is probably the longest day of Till’s life. He keeps feeling like someone is staring at him every second of the day and has to fight the urge to turn around and glare at whoever it is. On a few occasions, he can’t help himself and he does just that, only to see Ivan quickly glancing away. Shit, so this was real. Before today, Till hadn’t thought much about guys in period, especially Ivan of all people, he was a coworker, objectively handsome and a good worker, but that was it, it didn’t go any deeper than that because why would it? But now that he has been forced to face the truth, he has no idea how he never noticed before, Ivan wasn’t exactly discreet about his gawking or maybe Till was just hyper-aware of it now. It was probably that because if it was as obvious as it felt to him all the women in the office wouldn’t flirt with Ivan so shamelessly.
One especially brave woman sauntered up to Ivan’s desk right before lunch time and asked him if he had any plans and Till couldn’t help but watch the interaction with rapt interest. Ivan’s love life was none of his business but she was shameless and he was clearly uninterested. When Ivan turned down her offer to buy him lunch “for a job well done” on the pitch he gave that morning, Ivan politely said no and almost instinctively glanced up at Till, his eyes widened momentarily when he saw Till staring before his face split into a smile. Till pretends he was lost in thought and quickly turns his attention to his computer screen, but the light laughter that followed was unmistakable. Ivan had caught him staring and he seemed to be overjoyed by that. He couldn’t give him the wrong idea, he didn’t like guys, he didn’t like Ivan and he wouldn’t lead the poor guy on. It was probably a passing crush, he’d be over it in a few days. They were a bit old for that, but he was also a bit old to be a virgin, so who was he to judge?
It was not a passing crush. A few days passed and Ivan seemed to get bolder in his advances, trying to touch Till whenever he could and each time, Till was bombarded by his unwanted and unwelcome thoughts. It got to a point that whenever Ivan would approach him, Till would quickly come up with an excuse and vacate the premises before Ivan could get close enough to touch him. It worked for about a week before Ivan cornered him on a smoke break.
“You know smoking is bad for you, right?” Ivan teased lightly as he shut the door behind him. It was his fault really, he was predictable and of course Ivan had memorized his routine after working together for nearly two years.
“I do, but I don’t really give a shit,” Till sighed, taking one last drag before snuffing the butt on the ledge and depositing it into the receptacle.
“Are you avoiding me?” Ivan asked and it’s so blunt that Till sputters and has to meet his eyes, he must look terrified because Ivan laughs humorlessly. “Thought so. What did I do to earn your disfavor?”
“‘To earn my disfavor’? Did Shakespear write you or something?” Till teases and Ivan smiles shyly.
“Sorry I guess I was taught to be a bit too proper, what did I do to piss you off?” Ivan corrects, still smiling, but it’s sadder than before. Till sighs heavily, taking a second to collect his thoughts. He couldn’t exactly come out and say that he got a front row seat to Ivan molesting him in an elevator in his mind so he really has no reasonable excuse for avoiding Ivan.
“You didn’t,” Till settles on, “I’ve just been overwhelmed lately, personal stuff, ya know?”
“Do you want to talk about it? I’ve been told I’m a good listener,” Ivan offers politely.
“Nah, not really, it doesn’t really concern you,” Till says, waving off the offer. It absolutely concerned Ivan, but again, he couldn’t just come out and say that. “Thanks though,” Till adds as an afterthought, forcing a smile to his face.
Ivan returns it, but his smile looks just as forced as Till’s feels. “Didn’t know you smoked, by the way, you seem like you’re pretty healthy it doesn’t fit with your whole Mr. Perfect vibe,” Till jokes and Ivan laughs, it’s small but genuine.
“I don’t, I just wanted to talk to you,” Ivan says, smiling shyly and it’s enough to make Till’s heart skip a beat, he seemed embarrassed, it was extremely endearing and that was dangerous, he suddenly sees why girls flock to him.
“Lucky me,” Till mutters and begins heading towards the door when Ivan reaches out and grabs his wrist, stopping him in his tracks. Till stares at Ivan’s fingers and marvels at how they entirely encompass his thin wrist before he chances a glance at his face and he wishes he hadn’t done that. He looks serious, but sad.
“What did I do? Really, Till, please tell me. If it was that day in the elevator, I honestly don’t know what came over me, I’m so sorry,” Ivan gushes and he sounds so sincere, it’s enough to melt his heart. Then come the thoughts accompanied by the physical contact.
He’s so cute, I wonder if he’d taste like cigarettes if I kissed him now, I wonder if he’d even let me.
Till rips his wrist away and coughs into his hand, muffling a sorry under his breath. “I take it you don’t like physical contact, noted, sorry about that,” Ivan apologizes, his brows furrowing slightly at the slight rejection.
“Yeah, sorry, just not very touchy-feely,” Till says lamely but forces himself to smile his most convincing smile. “But we’re fine, really, I promise.”
Ivan must’ve believed him because his face lights up with a genuine smile, showcasing his little fang that pokes out from under his upper lip every so often when he actually smiles. “Okay, good, I really like you,” Ivan says without thought and then the realization of what he says dawns on him and his expression shifts to one of horror. “I mean as a coworker, I really respect you, I don’t want us to be on bad terms.”
“Relax,” Till laughs and he claps Ivan on the shoulder for good measure. That's what bros did to each other all the time, it was believable. “We’re good.” He lets his touch linger for a second too long and Ivan’s thoughts flood his brain, as clearly as if Ivan said them himself.
TILL TOUCHED ME, HE TOUCHED ME, OH MY GOD I AM NEVER WASHING THIS JACKET AGAIN!!! TILL TOUCHED ME—
Till laughs in spite of himself because hearing Ivan literally scream internally over being touched on the shoulder was funny and a little bit cute. He was like a teenager, not at all like the hot shot he seemed to be at the office.
“We should get back, before people miss us,” Till says, struggling with his laughter. Ivan eyes him suspiciously but follows Till inside.
They are barely through the door when another coworker, Hyuna comes barrelling at them with stars in her eyes. “You two! Drinks after work, you can’t say no, it’s a contractual obligation!”
“I don’t recall reading that clause in my contract, maybe I should contact HR,” Ivan teases, oh so he was funny too? Talk about the total package, minus the pervy thoughts. Till chuckles and Ivan smiles broadly at the recognition. If they were touching right now, he’s sure he could hear that Ivan was over the moon that Till laughed at his joke, but he didn’t need his power to tell how happy it made him.
“Do we have to?” Till tries, but saying no to Hyuna was impossible, she was very charismatic and almost always got her way.
“Mizi will be there,” Hyuna adds and at that Till perks up.
“Mizi?” Till echoes and Hyuna nods, Till smiles and finds himself agreeing embarrassingly quickly.
It was embarrassing, but she was his long-time crush at the office. It was hopeless, she was as interested in him as a fish was in flying, but he still cherished any excuse to be around her. If Till was more perceptive, he would’ve noticed the way Ivan’s expression darkened slightly, soured at Till’s apparent interest in the pink-haired woman.
“Fine, if Till’s going, I’ll be there,” Ivan adds and Till smiles at him, it makes Ivan’s heart skip a beat, seeing him so happy, he would suffer a bit if it meant Till could be happy even for a moment.
“Amazing! Let’s all meet downstairs and we’ll head to the restaurant together!” Hyuna exclaims and retreats to collect the rest of the troops.
★
A few hours later, Till finds himself seated at a table next to Ivan with several of their coworkers. They’re all well-acquainted, they’ve worked together for almost two years, but they rarely hang out. They’ve all been drinking a bit and the energy is good, upbeat, it’s almost enjoyable, except for the fact that Till has to constantly be weary of brushing against Ivan for fear of hearing his thoughts.
“We should play a game!” Mizi exclaims and Till sighs, they were drinking this could easily lead to debauchery if they weren’t careful. “We have one, two, three guys and three girls, we could play the King’s Game !” She suggests.
“Oh! I haven’t played that in years,” Hyuna says smiling.
“We even have disposable chopsticks, it’s perfect,” Luka adds, ever so helpfully, willing to do anything to appease Hyuna.
“Sua, do you have a pen?” Mizi asks and Sua fishes in her purse and supplies one to Mizi which she uses to number the chopsticks before distributing them randomly.
“Oh! I’m the king!” Mizi says, beaming as she shows off her chopstick with the crown marked on it. “Hmm, what should I declare?”
“Nothing vulgar,” Sua cautions and Mizi flashes her a wounded look.
“I think this is rigged,” Luka complains, but she ignores him. She is practically brimming with excitement.
“Shush! I declare that numbers two and six share a smoochie!” Mizi exclaims and there’s a mix of laughter and groans from the group. They all look at the numbers on their chopsticks and Ivan laughs again.
“Oh look at that,” Ivan says, showing Till the number two written neatly on his chopstick. Till swallows thickly as he turns his own over in his hand to find the number six written in matching script. Great, he thinks. Not only is Till a virgin, but he’s never kissed anyone and now his first kiss was going to be drunk, shared with Ivan in front of their coworkers.
“I’m six,” Till mutters, glancing up at Ivan through his eyelashes, if he didn’t know better he’d be sure he saw Ivan blush slightly.
“Great!” Mizi exclaims.
“Isn’t making two men kiss a little extreme?” Luka adds and Sua scoffs.
“You’re just mad it isn’t you and Hyuna,” Sua taunts.
“And you’re just mad it wasn’t you and Mizi,” Luka rebukes and Sua glares at him.
If looks could kill they would all be attending Luka’s funeral in the near future, but alas, they can’t and he is safe, Till, however, is not. Till chances a look at Ivan and he’s smiling, almost sheepishly again. He squeezes his eyes shut and tenses up as Ivan takes his face lightly in his hands and his thoughts flow almost immediately.
This is the perfect opportunity, but I can’t help but to feel a little bad about this, what if he doesn’t want this? Ivan pauses and so does his internal monologue, but only briefly. I want to kiss him so bad, but I can’t rush him into it .
He gazes at Till longingly, taking note of the strife written on his face, the anxiety at being kissed so suddenly and his heart clenches. He could easily go right for the kill, capture his lips and kiss him passionately like he’s thought about so often before, but it doesn’t feel right, this isn’t how he wants their first kiss to be. He settles for placing a chaste kiss at Till's temple and then pulls away immediately, laughing.
“Alright, that’s enough excitement,” Ivan says, smiling brightly.
“Aww, you’re no fun, I wanted something a little more R rated or even PG-13,” Mizi says with a pout.
“Sorry to disappoint,” Ivan says, his smile never faltering, but he looks at Till who smiles appreciatively.
“I need a second,” Till says and excuses himself from the table. He finds an exit that leads out to a balcony where he could take a much needed break. He debates lighting up a cigarette, but he doesn’t have time because within seconds the door is opening again and Ivan is stepping through, looking remorseful.
“I brought you some water,” Ivan offers, handing Till the bottle. Their fingers brush in the process.
He got so tense when a kiss was mentioned, did he hate the idea of it that much? Ivan thinks.
“Making two men kiss in a game is a bit extreme, I’m sorry I put you in that situation,” Ivan apologizes.
He stands next to Till, their shoulders touching so Till has access to a never ending stream of Ivan’s inner thoughts.
I wanted to kiss him so badly, but I just couldn’t do it. What if he’s against it? What if he hated it?
“I didn’t hate it,” Till says, his mouth working faster than his brain and completely forgetting the fact that Ivan didn’t say the words out loud. “The kiss, I mean you kissing my forehead, I didn’t hate it.”
“Oh, you were so tense though, so I just assumed,” Ivan trails off.
“Yeah, it’s embarrassing to say, but I’ve never kissed anyone before,” Till says with a laugh. “But it wasn’t bad, I wouldn’t mind trying it again.”
Before he can say another word, before he can even think, Ivan is gripping his wrists, knocking the water bottle out of his hand onto the ground. He is close, so close Till can feel his breath on his lips. Till freezes and says the first thing that comes to his mind.
“I wouldn’t mind you kissing my forehead again!”
“But that’s all?” Ivan asks, his voice dipping dangerously low, sultry almost. It’s dangerous, if Till wants an out, it’s now or never.
He leans in closer, his lips practically ghosting over Till’s and for once Ivan’s mind is completely blank save one emotion: desire, bordering on desperation, clear and unabated. Till’s breath hitches as Ivan leans in and the second he does the door flies open and Till does the first thing he can think of, he punches Ivan square in the gut, making him hunch over the balcony in pain.
“There you two are! We thought we lost you, our king got a bit too drunk,” Hyuna says with a chuckle and she glances at Ivan. “Is he okay?” She asks, voice laced with concern, he flashes her a thumbs up and she chuckles again.
“Come back in, it’s calmed down a lot,” Luka assures, smirking smugly at seeing Ivan so vulnerable. “I want to know what happened here by the way.”
“Yeah, we’ll be in in a second,” Till mutters, waving them off, they head back through the door laughing amongst themselves. Till glances at Ivan who is still hunched over in pain but laughing in spite of himself. “Sorry, are you okay?”
“I’m fine, guess you really didn’t want me to make a move, huh?” Ivan says, smiling up at Till through his lashes. He looks extremely handsome like this and that smile definitely does not make Till’s heart flutter.
“N-no, they just scared me is all,” Till stammers, it was the truth but it sounded lame coming from his lips. “Why would you do that though, you’re going to give me the wrong idea or something.”
“What idea would that be?” Ivan asks innocently and Till sighs.
“That you like me or something,” Till mutters and Ivan looks at him in disbelief, he huffs a laugh.
“That would be the right idea,” he mutters and Till’s eyes widen in disbelief. How could he admit it so freely? “What is that so hard to believe?”
“A little, yeah, I mean why?” Till asks dumbly and Ivan laughs again, smiling sadly.
“Don’t worry about it, it’s clear you don’t feel the same way, I’ll get over it,” Ivan sighs, sounding defeated.
“I-I didn’t say that,” Till supplies lamely. “I’m just surprised, that's all.”
“Well, that’s a lengthy discussion that we can have at a later date, but let’s just leave it here for now. I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable, but just know, you’re not telling me no and I’m going to take that as permission to keep going. Are you okay with that?”
“I’m fine with it if you tell me what’s going on, I mean I can’t read your mind or anything,” Till jokes, forcing laughter to make it more believable, it would be funny if it wasn’t true, but he wanted to hear the words from Ivan’s lips, not his mind.
“Do you remember that night a few months ago when we got invited to the president of that company’s party for drinks and she got offended because you weren’t drinking so I offered to drink for you? I drank so much I ended up throwing up and she thought I was disgusted with her and everyone thought I made such a fool of myself, I heard what they were saying, that I was just a pretty face and I wasn’t even good for that,” Ivan explains, looking at Till for confirmation that he understood, he nods in acknowledgement, he did in fact remember that night, he was indebted to Ivan for coming to his rescue.
“I heard what you said, that I was just helping a colleague, that it was admirable, then you stayed with me in the park until I sobered up, told me I was more than a pretty face, that I was a valuable asset, that you appreciated me, I knew then that you were special Till.”
“That was…that was months ago, you’ve liked me since then?” Till asks, voice pitching up slightly in shock. Ivan chuckles and nods.
“I noticed you before that, of course, you’re cute, I’ve had my eye on you since you started working at the company, but that night really solidified my feelings, you were the first person to ever take an interest in me for me and not just how I looked or what I could offer them, I wanted to be your friend at first, but then I realized it was deeper than that, I started to want you and I understand if you don’t feel the same way,” Ivan explains, sounding a bit dejected at the end as if Till had already told him how he felt and that was that.
“I don’t know how I feel, this is a lot, but I didn’t hate what happened tonight and I’d be willing to get to know you better,” Till confesses and it was true, he had seen a different side of Ivan recently. On the surface he was perfect, but deep down there was a real person with real imperfections, he wanted to know more.
“I’m happy with that,” Ivan says with a smile. “We should go back before they send people out for us again.”
“Right,” Till replies and turns to head to the door, offering Ivan a small smile in the process. He returns it and it’s genuine, not laced with sadness like so many others he’s seen, not the perfect smile he shows everyone else, but something different, it makes Till’s heart flutter slightly in his chest.
This was going to be difficult to navigate, Ivan could absolutely under no circumstances find out he could hear his thoughts, but it felt like he was lying, but he was willing to try.