Chapter Text
"Yelena? Wanna cook dinner with me? Not with everyone else dinner ,but just you and me dinner? You know? Just an us dinner? Us as in, me and you? Me, Bob. You Yelena. Dinner. Cooking. Together. Preferably Mac and Cheese? You know. Asking. Like the way every guy who likes a girl does!"
Bob rambled while staring at his own reflection in the mirror.
"Ugh I sound like a loser " Bob said loudly to himself pacing around in front of his mirror in his best attire which consisted of a pristinely ironed blue shirt and dark grey slacks Yelena had bought him the previous Christmas. After almost two years since he met HER ,he still couldn't think about HER name normally without feeling like a nervous wreck.
It's been long months filled with many wild adventures and many changes yet the one constant has been the tight feeling in his chest whenever he thought about or saw Yelena.
She had descended into his life without warning. Had given him a purpose in life. A family to cherish . And as much as his demons still haunt him and he knows he'll never be free from them, he also knows that with her and the rest of their family he has found a place to call home. One where Bob matters to somebody .
Now if only he'd just get his darnt nerves under control long enough to actually ask Yelena out on a date (though he doesn't know if his definition of them cooking together will be seen as a date) without stuttering through the entire thing. *sigh*
Months and months of endless therapy had helped Bob grow more of his confidence and though he was still as awkward as ever, he was in a better mental state than he had been before he met the Thunderbolts (or the Avengerz) as Alexei insisted they be called. But his new found confidence still meant nothing when faced with trying to ask out the first person he'd ever felt any kind of romantic anything for. Especially because it did take him months of denial to come to the conclusion that he really really liked Yelena and wanted her as more than a friend.
Ever since his therapist had asked him about what sort of categories he saw the Thunderbolts in and him answering (Bucky-my leader, Alexei-Yelena's dad, Ava-cool sister, John- not so cool brother and Yelena-ummm she's just Yelena, while his heart pounded like crazy ) and Jessica Drew had raised her eyebrow at him while he blushed furiously, Bob had had to think hard about what category he assigned to Yelena.
Especially because when he thought about her beautiful sparkling eyes that held a hint of sadness and deep sorrows behind their wise all knowing-ness and how silky her short blonde hair looks even silkier after a shower. How she said his name in that beautiful lilting way with her pretty accent. How everytime their hands or feet accidentally brushed and he'd feel like he's been zapped by electricity. Most importantly how admirable she was when she was doing her job making sure that she helps as many civilianz as possible. Her compassion that she tried to hide behind the tough guilt driven exterior yet everyone could see because she was just that good of a person. The way the room lights up as soon as she enters it.
All these had been things that had made Bob realise that he didn't think of anyone else in the team or in the world like that. He didn't feel like he was on fire when Ava accidentally touched him. Nor did he notice how beautiful and deep Bucky's eyes were (which come to think of it he didn't even know what colour eyes any of his teammates had except Yelena and her beautiful sparkling wise hazel eyes that felt like they held a million stars). So yeah, Bob had pretty much figured he was "screwed" as Walker had kindly informed him just a month ago prior to this very day when he'd sought him out for a very regretful talk in how to confess his feelings for the girl he held so much respect and absolute adoration for yet wasn't sure if the same feeling would even be reciprocated.
He'd even asked Jessica his therapist for advice (in a hypothetical way of course because he may like the woman now but he knew sometimes even the strongest of client doctor confidentiality is not that confidential especially with Valentina around). When she had offered him one of her long speeches about self love and self worth he's been hearing since day one he'd tuned her out cause that's not the advice he was looking for. So he'd finally turned to the two people whom he knew would offer him better options though looking at what Alexei had told him he doubted he'd have said what he said if he knew it was his daughter in the hypothetical situation Bob had presented him.
It was Ava who had finally given him the idea of asking Yelena to do something that he knew she loved and would be in both his comfort zone and a bit out of hers just to present her with a bit of a challenge since he had to make sure he didn't bore her with whatever he came up with. He knew Yelena loved Mac and Cheese. He knew how to cook. And he also knew Yelena wasn't big on cooking yet she enjoyed watching food shows like MasterChef so clearly she wasn't absolutely disinterested.
After days of thinking, he'd come up with the idea of arranging a cooking date on the day he knew it was his turn to make dinner and everyone would be relaxing in their rooms so he could use her help in making that day's dinner which just so happened to be her favourite dish too. A genius idea if you asked Bob and one he was very very proud to have come up with.
So his annoyance was palpable because his hands just could not stop shaking and his speech slurring a bit whenever he tried to get the words out. He did not want Yelena to see him like this on what might be their first date . Pathetically unable to just ask her out when it's such a simple thing other guys can just do on the regular in regards to the women they like. Logically he knew Yelena would patiently give him time to say whatever he wanted to say to her, yet he could not stop the anxiousness that plagued him .
Yelena deserved so much better than a bumbling idiot who couldn't even ask her out on a first date INSIDE the house they stayed in. Not even outside . Inside. To do something as mundane as cooking. How absolutely pathetic. A beautiful intelligent woman like Yelena would never agree to date a turd like that when she can have her pick of any man in the world. Who was he kidding for real? To think he even stood a chance ? Pathetic.
Bob knew he was spiralling. He knew he was getting himself worked up but the thoughts just couldn't stop coming. They came in a stream so quick and unpleasant , Bob didn't even have the time to realise there was a black fog forming all around his mirror reflection . And before he knew it, it all went completely blank.