Chapter Text
Heterosexuality has always been something in my family that has been pressured onto me.
"Have you found yourself a nice lady to settle down with yet?" "What's your ideal kind of wife?" "Any cute girls in your class that you've noticed?" All were questions my parents always asked me, like boys weren't allowed in the picture. They never said it was wrong to have a boyfriend, but they never said it was okay either. Which doesn't bother me, I'm not gay. I don't want a boyfriend, so there's no need in worrying if I would disappoint my parents or not.
But I think my parents are worried specifically because I haven't found any girls in my class cute. Sure, I like girls, but I just can't seem to develop a crush on any of them. And that's okay, I think. I'll find the right girl one day, hopefully soon, because my parents keep nagging me about it. Every time Emu comes over to help me with planning for our next show, my mother places us in these awkward, romantic situations that I'm not sure even Emu likes.
And my parents worry so much so, that I think they care about my sexuality more than drugs. I only think this because when Rui comes over, the smell of weed drags through the house. Yet my father seems more irked about the fact that I had a boy alone in my room, and not how Rui was literally smoking. Maybe it's because my parents trust me not to do drugs, they see how much I care about my body in a way that I wouldn't want to harm it. Ever.
Sometimes the looks on my parents faces when they notice it's Rui at the door and not a girl makes me feel guilty. I just hope they trust me enough not to disappoint them.
I sat on the couch with my family, my palms sweaty along with my forehead. And they watched TV, oblivious to my distress. Rui was coming over again, to plan with me. Usually, I wouldn't be this nervous, but my mother has been getting harder on me lately. She went as far as to have a conversation with me about how the hormones that were apparently buzzing through my body were normal, and that it's okay to get a girlfriend. But I've compared myself to other boys at my school, and I'm not as nearly as perverted as they are. I guess that's a good thing.
The dreading knock came on the front door, and I got up to answer the expected visitor. I struggled for a second to open the door, the sweat on my fingers making it slick. My parents gave me a weird look, and in response, I gave them a small, awkward smile. I finally got the door open, and Rui stood in front of me, his usual smirk on his face.
"Had quite the struggle there opening the door, huh?" He teased, stepping in.
My cheeks flushed and my eyebrows furrowed in both embarrassment and irritation. "You noticed?"
"Yea, the handle shook, like, seven times." His smile spread wider. Smartass.
As we ascended up the steps, I couldn't help but look back at my parents. My mother had a disapproving look on her face, while my fathers eyes bore into me. I gave an apologetic smile, hoping they'd trust me. Nothing usually happened between Rui and I while he was over so why were they still iffy about him?
I shut my bedroom door behind me, watching Rui plop down at my desk. He quickly took out a pre-rolled joint, lighting it and taking a long puff before letting out the smoke into my room. The smell tickled my nose but Rui seemed unfazed as he took more hits. He must've noticed me staring because his words jolted me out of my thoughts. "It helps me come up with ideas." The weed. The weed did.
I put my hands on my hips, a sour look on my face. "It's destroying your lungs in the process." I scolded. And it was true, it was destroying his lungs and I couldn't just sit by and let him harm himself. But seeing the content look on his face made me falter and I ended up not reprimanding him any longer, as per usual. I pulled a chair up next to him and sat down. I flipped to an empty page in my notebook and I handed him a pink pen that was already laying on my desk from our last hang out. I watched as he scribbled down ideas before he suddenly stopped. He looked up at me as if his slightly red eyes were searching for my soul in my pupils. I shifted uncomfortably, looking down at his notes.
"How come you haven't been coming up with any ideas lately? You just sit there and... Observe. That's so unlike you." His words were uncharacteristically soft and I looked up at him. He asked a question even I don't know the answer to. Why have I been so quiet? I guess there's not much to talk about but knowing Rui, he'd never believe that even though it wasn't untrue.
"I've just been thinking." Which wasn't a lie, it was technically true. Because I have been thinking over things.
"About what?"
I picked my nails, feeling unfamiliar nervousness. I put a smile on my face, putting an elbow on my desk. "Girls." I immediately regretted the answer because a smug grin spread across Rui's lips.
"Oh really? And who's the lucky lady you've been considering, hm? Or is it just girls in general."
I bit my lower lip, hard, probably bruising it. I strengthened the smile on my face. "It's the opposite." I tried to look unbothered and Rui seemed to buy it. He nodded at me to keep going. "I've been single my whole life, so I've been thinking that maybe I should give love a shot..." My cheeks felt hot but Rui's smirk died down a bit, and he got more serious. But he still managed to keep that stupid playful vibe I couldn't get over.
"Romance is complicated, Tsukasa-kun~" He warned jauntily, before taking another puff of his joint. He breathed out, the smoke curling around us. I had to admit, it was kind of pretty in the sunlight. "You don't know what you're getting yourself into." He said, coughing a bit.
"As if you've ever been involved with love." I rolled my eyes.
"Oh, I've had my fair share of relationships. Well, only one, but I know the basics." The answer surprised me but it also left this swirling feeling in my chest that didn't seem to go away. I almost felt angry but also a bit dejected over the fact that Rui had loved another. But why did it matter so much to me? "It was back in middle school, though, so maybe times have changed."
A breath I didn't even know I was holding left my body quietly, almost unnoticed by Rui. But I can tell he saw, due to the smile still on his face. Stupid me. But I guess he knew not to tease me on it because he pulled out his phone. "How about some music?" I heard some soft music playing from the speakers of his phone, but that was the last thing on my mind. I couldn't stop thinking about how Rui had dated someone before. I always took him as the type of guy to wait until he found the right one to get into a relationship. It left a bitter feeling in my heart but I knew better not to say anything about it. Right? But my heart worked quicker than my head because I found myself blurting out words I'd never say if I was logically thinking.
"Who was it that you dated? Did you really like them?" The jealousy was evident in my voice, and God, it was embarrassing. I was met with a big, goofy smile from Rui, and I immediately regretted ever saying a word. Stupid brain. What have I done?
"It was Mizuki," Oh, right, her. They were inseparable in middle school, of course they've been together. That didn't make it any less irritating, though. "Why do you wanna know so badly, Tsukasa-kun? Do you care that much? Are you... Oh no... Jealous?" My face burned with anger, I should've slapped him right then and there.
"No, of course not!" I hissed. "Where did you even get that idea?! God forbid I want to know more about my friend!" I scoffed like it was the most normal thing to be nosy and get jealous over a relationship that was long over.
"Are you sure~? You sounded pretty jealous to me... There's practically smoke coming out of your ears, you're so red! Awh, your jealousy is adorable, Tsukasa-kun!" The comment made my face flush but I tried not to pay too much mind to it. After all, he was just teasing.
"Oh, shut up. I was just curious—" But before I could finish my sentence, Rui stood up and pulled me out of my chair by my wrists, reeling me in close. Too close. I could feel his heart beat against my chest and I was a bit relieved that he too was nervous. I could only tell because his heart drummed against mine.
"Wanna know what I'm curious about?" His voice was soft, yet teasing like always. I rolled my eyes, a real smile forming on my face despite how reluctant it was. "I'm curious as to why you're forcing yourself to get a girl, when you obviously aren't interested in them." That sentence brought me back to reality. He's wrong, I'm straight. I pushed him off gently, yet he stayed close.
"I am interested in girls, I'm not gay. I'm straight, so stop trying to make me think otherwise." I quipped, but his stupid smirk stayed on his face.
"I was never trying to make you think anything else, Tsukasa-kun. That's all you~" This time, I really did smack him. But it was weak, and on the arm. I didn't actually want to hurt him, I just wanted to show my annoyance. "Are you sure you're into girls?" I tried to answer his question, but I was left flabbergasted. I felt a hand squeeze my crotch through my pants and my cheeks immediately felt HOT. I could almost feel hormones surge through my body; was this what my mom was talking about? Is this what boys usually feel when they see some hot girl? Blood rushed to my dick and embarrassingly, my dick strained against my pants, where Rui held me.
"There it is..." Rui clicked his tongue in victory, and his fingers gently rubbed me through my pants. The touch was teasing and my hips bucked into Rui's hand once. It was almost desperate, the way my hips moved, and I hated it. I had never actually experienced pleasure before, not in this way. I've always tried to stay away from things like masturbation and sex, but right now I've forgotten why. This felt great, so much so that a soft groan left my mouth. "Damn it, Rui... Stop that." But my words were weak, showing no actual need for him to stop. He quickly unzipped my pants, the fabric pooling at my feet. He carefully slipped off my boxers with delicate hands, all the while my mind raced with guilt. I was going against all of my promises and morals. Just what would my parents think?
He picked me up and spun me around, pinning me on the bed. I didn't like this weird power thing where I was naked and he got the privilege of being fully clothed. But that soon ended after he slipped off his shirt, revealing his pale chest. Okay, there was not much there to see and he didn't have nearly as much muscles as me, but in a way it was cute. "Have you ever had sex, Tsukasa-kun?" I shook my head, my legs shaking a bit. I watched as he undid his own pants, pulling down both his pants and underwear just enough so that his dick was free. The pink tip glistened with precum- he was already that hard? For me? My eyes fluttered shut, trying to process everything that was happening to me.
I opened my eyes back up, and I observed his dick more closely despite the scolding voice in my mind. Surprisingly, he wasn't that big in size but he had decent girth. I wrapped my legs around his waist almost naturally, my eyes dragging up to his happy trail. Everything else was shaved, like his chest and arm pits, so maybe it was just a choice to keep it there? I shook my head to throw myself out of my thoughts, I needed to remember to keep it together. I tried to look angry but it ended up looking like a stupid pout. "I hate you for this."
Rui shushed me gently and I felt his tip press against my quivering hole that had no idea what was about to happen to it. I squeezed my eyes shut, bracing myself for the pain. He pushed in and surprisingly, it wasn't that bad. Yea, it burned, but there was more pleasure than pain. I threw my head back and gripped onto the sheets to stabilize myself and Rui gathered me in his arms.
As Rui thrusted into me smoothly and delicately, I began to wonder what about this did my parents hate so much? I hate to question my parents, but this felt so... Right. I buried my face into Rui's neck, letting out soft groans. Sure, we were both boys but that didn't mean Rui couldn't love me as much as a girl could. Maybe even more. His dick hit my prostate and my breath hitched only a bit. His warm hands held my back, his face hidden in my hair. I shakily grabbed his cheeks so I could see his face and I almost melted at the sight; his features were softened and his eyes were filled with nothing but love and pleasure. Soft breaths left his lips, hitting my face. A smile tugged at the corners of my mouth and I pulled him close, kissing him with a tenderness I didn't know I had. His breath mingled with mine as we kissed, our lips separating repeatedly only seconds before they smushed back together again. I thought sex was supposed to be quick and thoughtless, nothing like I was experiencing right now.
But nothing could compete with the guilt peeking around every corner of my body. My kisses got lazy, less passionate. Rui must've noticed because he pulled away. His thrusts slowed, before he finally pulled out with no release. It made me feel guilty. Guilty that I couldn't please Rui enough. Guilty that I had gone behind my parents back. Guilty for going against my own morals. But Rui didn't look nearly as upset and it almost calmed me. Almost. He brushed a strand of hair off of my cheek.
"It's okay, Tsukasa-kun. I'm sorry for taking things too quickly. I know what your parents think about me, I shouldn't have forced you into that." I almost choked on my spit. Quickly sitting up, I protested. "No, no! You didn't force me, I'm just... Worried, is all." I saw slight disappointment on Rui's face, so I continued. "Maybe another time we can continue this."
I watched his disappointment leave, and a soft smile was on his face. One that I rarely ever saw. "Yea, I'd love that..."
I stayed in my room after Rui left. I didn't want to deal with my parents right now. I threw my clothes in the laundry basket and changed into something more comfortable for sleep. I knew that school tomorrow would be awkward with Rui but that was only a small part of the mess that was going on in my mind. But this was something that I could deal with tomorrow. So, as I rested my head on my pillow, I thought of other things unrelated to earliers mishaps to help me fall asleep.