Chapter Text
would you leave me
if i told you what i've done?
and would you leave me
if i told you what i've become?
'cause it's so easy
to sing it to a crowd
but it's so hard, my love
to say it to you out loud
no light, no light - florence + the machine
The first thing Arya thought was that Jon was right — Castle Black was much colder than Winterfell. Living all those past years abroad in Braavos wasn’t helping either; she had been used to feeling the sun on her skin and the warmth, but now she was already feeling pale again.
She had spent the last two weeks at Sansa’s in the Eyrie. Two weeks was the maximum time they could live together before starting to fight. Although she wouldn’t admit it, she felt hurt. After she and her sister had grown up, Arya had wondered if things would be different — if maybe they could start some kind of friendship, like any other sisters have. It hurt her heart to realize she wasn’t capable of that, and neither was Sansa. But she knew it wasn’t her sister’s fault. It was hers.
Robb, Bran, and Rickon were at Winterfell as usual, but she didn’t want to go straight there. She planned to ignore Winterfell until she couldn’t anymore. Thinking about Winterfell was like imagining a long and distant dream — it didn’t feel like home anymore. And the truth was: if Arya couldn’t feel at home in Winterfell, where would she?
When Arya arrived at Jon’s building, she put her suitcase in the corner of the lobby and called him. She definitely wasn’t thinking straight — it was Friday night, Jon probably wasn’t home, and he was always so lazy with his phone that he could take days to reply to a single “how have you been?”. He clearly wasn’t going to check his phone anytime soon.
Arya ended the call after it went straight to voicemail. Great. She would have to stay there until Jon finally decided to look at his phone.
“Hey, Jon. Just letting you know I’m at your building and… you’re not answering, and I’m stuck in this town I’ve never been to…”
“Arya?!”
She immediately put her phone away when she heard someone say her name and turned around to see her savior — Samwell Tarly, Jon’s best friend since high school in Winterfell.
“Sam!”
She felt so good reuniting with everyone in Westeros. She had missed her family and group of friends so much that she couldn’t put it into words. She hugged Sam with all her strength and was surprised to see he was now taller than her.
“I can’t believe you’re here. Essos girl finally came home.”
She smiled at him and laughed. Sam had always been the sweetest person Arya had ever met. It was always a little strange how close he and Jon were.
“A wolf always returns home, right? And where the hell is Jon? I’ve been calling him for the past hour and he’s not answering.”
“Oh, he’s at this party we’re heading to. By the way, guys — this is Arya Stark, Jon’s youngest sister. Arya, this is Pyp, Tormund, and Satin.”
Everyone greeted Arya warmly, with hugs and handshakes. If she was Jon’s sister, they would instantly like her too — like family.
“Put your suitcase in our apartment and come with us,” said one of Sam’s friends.
“Let’s surprise Jon. I bet a hundred he’s going to cry in front of everyone.”
Arya laughed and followed their lead. They went upstairs to drop off her suitcase and headed directly to the party.
Arya had never been to Castle Black before, but Jon always said it was a small, quiet town — kind of dead. But what Arya was seeing was clearly the opposite. There were people on the streets, pubs all around, mostly college students. Maybe Castle Black had changed, just like everything else she had laid eyes on.
“So, Arya, Jon didn’t tell us you were coming back,” said who she believed was Satin.
“It was kind of a surprise even for me. I was at the Eyrie with my sister but… I just missed Jon, that’s all.”
Arya skipped over the details of her huge fight with Sansa, but she doubted she could hide it from Jon for much longer.
Soon, they arrived at the party — a big house crowded with people, even at the front door. She pushed through a sea of strangers, following Sam and his friends inside. The sounds of music and talking surrounded her. She was surprised to think of Jon in a place like this.
It seemed like she didn’t recognize anyone from her family anymore.
Sam told her Jon was in the living room on the second floor. She told him she could find him herself and that he should go find his girlfriend. Once she was alone, Arya felt all the nerves trembling in her body. It was time to confront Jon after five years — and suddenly, she felt sick.
Arya went straight to the kitchen, where the balcony was filled with bottles of beer, vodka, gin, and some creepy things she couldn’t even identify. She grabbed a small cup, poured it half full of vodka, took a breath, and drank it all in one go.
As she felt the liquor burning down her throat, she locked eyes with the first ghost of her past love life: Edric Dayne.
He seemed just as surprised as she was when it finally hit him that she was really there.
Ned had been her first boyfriend in high school. He was sweet — Arya had always liked him, but never saw it as something extraordinary. It was good and kind, but nothing for a lifetime.
Ned walked straight toward her and stood frozen, like he was literally seeing a ghost.
“Arya! Wow, I wasn’t expecting to see you here.”
He smiled the same way he always had — a smile that was warm and kind. As memories flowed through her, she couldn’t help but smile back. They hugged for a few seconds, and Arya felt something good. Ned had always been a great friend, and she never thought she would miss him that much.
“What about you? You’re far from home, Dayne.”
“Absolutely! But it’s been a nice experience being a northerner.”
“Ned… I don’t think even if you were reborn, you’d be a northerner,” Arya chuckled.
“You’re probably right. But… how have you been? When did you get back?”
“About two weeks ago. I was down south with Sansa.”
“Cool! So, you’re here to stay?”
Arya’s brain froze for a second. Would she stay? Should she have already bought a ticket back to Braavos?
She didn’t have the answers yet.
“Ned, it’s great to see you. But I really need to find Jon now. We’ll catch up later, alright?”
Arya brushed past him and went directly to the stairs toward the second floor, keeping her head down — she didn’t want to meet more people from her past right now. All she wanted was Jon.
She had imagined this moment a billion times in her head. She had imagined how different Jon would look — whether he was still taller than her, if his hair had grown out, if he still had that weird beard she saw in a photo he’d posted on Instagram.
Arya couldn’t recall when she and Jon had become strangers. It was no secret that the person she had always related to most was Jon — they were like two halves of the same whole. They weren’t meant to be apart for so long.
And her half was now standing right in front of her, holding hands with some girl Arya had never heard of. Jon wasn’t a saint, but he wasn’t the kind of guy to kiss someone unless it meant something to him. Arya wondered who the girl was, how they met, how long they had been together… Would she have known all of this if she hadn’t pushed Jon away?
The room was kind of private — small groups, quieter than the chaos downstairs. Everyone turned to look at her as she approached the couple.
“Jon?”
Jon immediately turned away from the girl when he heard a voice he thought he’d forgotten. Arya laughed a little at his petrified face. Every second that passed, he looked even more pale. Was something wrong with her face? Why was everyone staring at her like that? Had she changed that much?
Jon stood up, still with the same expression. Arya couldn’t help it — her eyes filled with tears, and the next second, Jon was hugging her, yelling her name, lifting her off the ground.
So, yes. He was still taller than her.
“Wha–What are you doing here? Why didn’t you…?”
“I wanted to see you. It’s been too long.”
After several minutes, Jon stepped back and placed his hands on her face, brushing away the tears from her cheeks.
“Why are you looking at me like that?”
“You just… gods, you look exactly like my mom.”
Arya felt her heart sink. Lyanna Stark was always a fragile topic within the Stark family — especially for Arya and Jon, who resembled their father’s side the most. She understood Jon’s reaction — the fascination, and above all, the sadness.
“I don’t know if saying that in front of your friends and your girl is okay,” Arya whispered into his ear, and he immediately laughed.
“I can’t believe you’re here… I missed you so much,” Jon said.
“Me too,” Arya replied.
Jon’s girlfriend was named Val — a tall, blonde, and beautiful woman Arya would have never imagined Jon being with. She just didn’t seem like his type.
After Jon introduced Arya to more of his friends as “his little sister,” they sat with the group he had been with before and continued to talk.
“Why didn’t you call me and say you were coming? I would have picked you up at the airport and prepared something,” Jon said.
“I did call you, but you’re the biggest jerk when it comes to texting.”
Jon rolled his eyes and pulled his phone from his pocket.
“He says it kills his image of a mysterious man,” Val said, trying not to laugh.
“Oh, please. He’s like an open book. There’s nothing mysterious about him.”
Arya looked at Jon, who was still focused on his phone — it seemed like he was texting someone.
“Why are you here?” he asked.
Arya frowned, feeling fury begin to rise in her chest.
“To see you, of course.”
“Sansa texted me.”
Oh.
Arya felt her blood boil. Of course perfect Sansa had texted him. Since when did Sansa talk to Jon that directly? It drove Arya mad how Sansa was always talking about her behind her back — but telling things to Jon was a whole other level.
“Since when do you and Sansa talk? Are you best friends now?”
“I don’t know, maybe since my best friend got on a plane to another country and never came back home.”
Ouch. Maybe I deserved that.
“Well, I’m back now. And it seems Sansa is the same spoiled brat she’s always been.”
“She’s worried about you. How can you say that?”
Arya looked away. She and Sansa had barely managed to tolerate each other for two weeks. Were she and Jon really going to fight during the very first hour they’d reunited?
“Can we just not talk about this right now?”
Jon didn’t answer. He looked at her differently now — in a way she couldn’t quite read. Was it sadness? Pity? Anger?
“Let’s go home. You must be tired from the trip.”
Arya didn’t protest.
***
“Don’t worry about it. It’s comfy.”
After Jon and Arya arrived at his apartment, he insisted he would sleep on the couch and let her take the bed, but she didn’t accept. Making him leave the party and bring her home was already enough trouble.
“I’ll let you rest then. We’ll talk in the morning.”
Jon leaned in and kissed Arya’s forehead.
“I’m really happy you’re here, Arya.”
“I am too, Jon. I am too.”
Was I?
Arya was already in a deep sleep when Gendry got to his room — he would only notice her in the morning.