Archive of Our Own

Evan Buckley was having a good day. No, a great day. The sun was shining, he felt fantastic, better even than before the lightning strike, and he was even early for work.

He strolled into the 118’s fire house with a broad smile on his face. He loped up the stairs and dropped into the nearest sofa with a contented sigh.

Bobby wandered over and tousled Buck’s hair, like an affectionate dad. “Morning Buck. How’s things?”

“Really great, Bobby.” Buck beamed up at him, blue eyes shining. “Feeling good about the day”.

Bobby gave him a grin and sat down next to him. “It’s good to see you so happy, kid. What’s brought this on?”

Buck grinned back. “Well, I’m back to full fitness, it’s a beautiful day, and… well, I-I just feel great. No special reason. Life is just good at the moment. I have great people in my corner, and I do finally believe they really are in my corner, and I-I have a proper family for the first time”. Buck sighed. “Life is… well, great”.

Bobby felt his eyes brim. Buck had felt alone for so long. Even after his found family had made it clear they were there for him. Trusting they would stay was a huge step. He had come such long way. Bobby put a paternal hand on Buck’s shoulder. “That’s just so good to hear, Buck. I’m pleased for you, and I’m proud of you.”

“Why, what’s going on?” Chim and Hen had caught the very end of what Bobby was saying as they came up the stairs together. “Has Buck finally learned to tie his shoes?” Chimney joked “Or did he learn to do his own tie?”

Buck laughed and jumped to his feet, giving Chim a friendly punch on the shoulder as he passed, on the way down to the locker room. Hen watched him fondly as he made his way downstairs. She turned to Bobby.

“I know he’s a golden retriever puppy and that ‘bouncy’ is his default setting”, she said “but it is good to see him so very happy.”

Bobby agreed. “Not sure what’s behind it, but I’m really pleased for him. He’s been through so much”.

“I think I know” Hen said with a knowing smile. “He’s got to be in love”.

Chim scoffed. “Nah. There’s not been anyone since Tommy. Maddie has been keeping a close eye on him. He’s not even really going out. If he’s not at ours for dinner or to see Jee, he’s having a family evening with Bobby and Athena or movie night with Chris and Eddie. Buck 6.0, or whatever the hell number we’re up to, is… domesticated!” They all laughed.

Then the penny dropped for Bobby. “Maybe that’s it, you know. It is love- just not romantic love. Maybe he finally feels loved by his family, and he’s happy”.

They reflected on this, realising Bobby could be right. Buck was happy because he finally understood he was loved. They all shared a smile. No one deserved it more.

—————————————————————

Eddie Diaz was not having a good day. He was running late, for one thing. Christopher was firmly into his teen stage and mornings were… trying. Eddie knew Chris was still the same great kid underneath, but the teenage angst was starting to get to him. It was easiest when Buck came round. Chris still adored his Buck, though maybe he was less quick with the cuddles. He loved it when Buck came over for a games night, made dinner, and then made pancakes for breakfast after the sleepover. Eddie knew he really did think of Buck as a second Dad. And Eddie was totally OK with that. Buck had loved Chris unconditionally from the start, had been Chris’s rock through trauma after trauma. Hell, Buck saved him from a damn tsunami. Eddie knew he and Chris owed Buck everything.

But this had been a morning without Buck. Breakfast had been cereal, they had argued about whether Chris could stay at a friend’s house this weekend, and the ride to school had been frosty to say the least.

A grumpy “Bye, Dad” was all he got when Chris got out of the truck, slamming his door behind him and headed into school. Eddie sighed. “Bye Chris” he said to the empty car. He sighed again and fought his way back through the morning LA traffic to the fire house. He hated to to be late, and this was the second time in as many weeks.

Eddie finally got to work and hurried inside to get ready. He got a knowing and slightly amused look from Bobby as he jogged past. “Sorry Cap” he called. “Not a great start to the day”.

He found Buck in the locker room. A very cheerful Buck. Too cheerful. His good mood grated on Eddie. Buck was oblivious, of course, whistling and singing to himself as he changed.

“Does being happy have to make you so loud?” Eddie grumbled.

“Why, yes!” Buck laughed, teasing. “Yes it does!”

“Well, stop it- it’s annoying” Eddie growled, but with a playful tone now. In truth, he was pleased his best friend was in such a good mood. Eddie would never begrudge him his happiness. In fact, Eddie admitted to himself, it was one of his main life goals to make sure Buck was as happy as possible.

Buck had the biggest heart and always put others first, often at the expense of his own wellbeing. Eddie loved that he was in such a good place at the moment. He grinned, finally, and clapped Buck on the shoulder.

“You coming over later?” Eddie asked. “Chris would love it, or at least it’d make him bareable, if you did. And maybe your good mood will rub off on him”.

“Yeah, man, count me in! You know I love an evening with you and Chris. You want me to make dinner? I’ve perfected Bobby’s lasagna, or we could make tacos?

“Lasagna would work. But only if you’re ok to make breakfast too. Chris made some pointed comments about cereal this morning, so will definitely expect pancakes if his favourite chef is in the building. I think he’d like you to move in permanently, just for the catering.” Buck laughed as Eddie continued “I’d have you for the company, and also to help with any heavy lifting” Eddie joked.

“I’d drive him crazy in a month.” Buck said. “And you wouldn’t last the week.” Then his voice softened. “But I’d be up for it. I love you guys.”

Eddie had started to laugh, but then something made him turn and look at Buck. Those startlingly blue eyes were staring at him with an expression he’d not seen before. Eddie held his gaze, a sudden quickening in his chest. “You going soft on me, Buckley?”

Buck flushed and looked away. “Me? No way. I just like your neighbourhood better than mine.” Buck turned back to him and grinned. “And your couch is way more comfy than my bed”. He closed his locker and headed out.

——————————————————

The shift had started out uneventful. Buck’s good mood was infectious and the whole team was laughing and joking over the lunch he and Bobby made. If anything, Buck was now an even better cook than his Captain, and their chilli and cornbread was declared to be delicious.

Buck was just pulling an apple pie out of the oven when the alarm sounded. There were groans from the others but nothing could dampen Buck’s mood. “Never mind guys- this is great cold too”.

They moved to answer the call, together as a team. A family.

——————————————————

The fire was in an apartment building downtown. It was in a poor neighbourhood and the landlord had obviously cut corners keep his costs down. The building was old, dilapidated even, and not up to code. The inside had been reworked more than once. Original walls had been removed and partitions added to carve the space up differently, with no thought for structural integrity. The result was a maze of small, cheap rooms that all led off each other at random. Nothing about layout made sense.

When the 118 arrived, the fire was already taking hold. The smoke was thick and black. The heat was intense. Even in the protective gear and with masks, it was too hot and hard to breathe. Buck was leading from the front as usual, Eddie having his back, and they were clearing the building from the top floor down. So far, it had been fairly straightforward, despite the conditions. Buck and Eddie made a great team, every move second nature. They cleared the top floor in record time, and the next one at a similar pace.

For such an intense fire, there were very few injuries to deal with. The building’s occupants had mostly evacuated themselves. They were scared and some had inhaled smoke, but Chim and Hen were mostly just checking and clearing people, dressing the odd minor burn.

Eddie paused for breath as they hit the third floor. The heat was even more intense now. Buck turned to check on his partner. “You Ok?”

“Yeah, man. It’s just hot.”

“Well, you wanted to be a firefighter”.

“Guys” Bobbys voice came over the radio. “Can we focus?”

“Sorry Cap” they said together, always in sync. Bobby smiled.

“Let’s clear this scene and get you out of there”.

“Copy that, Cap” Buck said. He looked at Eddie. “Be quicker if we split up. What d’ya think?”

Eddie thought about it. It was a tough call. He wanted to get out as soon as possible, but he also wanted to keep an eye on Buck. Past experience taught him that, if there was any way to get seriously injured at a scene, Buck would find it. It would be difficult for Buck to top being struck by lightning and actually dying, but Eddie wouldn’t put it past his friend to try.

“Promise me you won’t go full Buck if we split up?”

“Eddie- you know I’m all grown up and mature now”

Eddie rolled his eyes. “Sure, Buck, sure. Let’s split up, do this quick and get out of here”.

“Right, Eddie. You go left, I’ll go right. See you outside”. He radioed Bobby. “Cap, we’re separating to expedite the search”.

“Ok guys, but keep in contact with each other- stay safe”.

“Aye Cap”- again in unison.

———————————————————

Eddie swept his side of the building without issue. There had been one older lady on the second floor, too scared to leave, but he’d helped her down to Ravi, who had taken her outside. He and Buck kept up a flow of communication to make sure the other was still Ok. Eddie knew Buck’s sweep was going smoothly too.

Till it wasn’t.

They were both on the ground floor now. Eddie had cleared his side and had made it outside to join Bobby and the rest of the team.

“Hey, Buck. I beat you. You getting slow as you get older?”

No response.

“Buck?” Eddie’s voice was more serious now. “Buck- come in!”.

Bobby added his voice. “Firefighter Buckley. Check in!”

Still nothing. Then.

“Sorry guys, my radio seems to be playing up. Can’t really hear you- hope you can hear me. This side of the building is a maze. A maze full of smoke.” He paused. Then said more quietly, almost to himself. “Man, it’s hot.” Buck’s voice was odd, Eddie thought. Almost slurred. Like he was needing to focus on every word.

Eddie and Bobby exchanged a look.

“You need me to come back in?”

No response for a long moment. Then “No need. Check complete- I’ll be right out”.

A minute passed. Then another. No Buck.

His voice came through the radio again. It sounded slow and tired, and even more quiet now. “I-I’ve got turned around in here. Visibility is very low”. Buck coughed. And then coughed again. “And I-I think I have an issue with my air”.

There was obviously something wrong, Eddie thought with rising panic. Buck was speaking too slowly, he’d got lost, he was coughing. “Guys…” Buck wheezed. Then nothing.

“Bobby!”

“I know Eddie. Go get him.”

But just as Eddie put his helmet back on a low rumble came from the fire ravaged building. It collapsed in on itself, almost in slow motion.

“Buck!” Eddie screamed. He tried to run to help his partner - his best friend - but Chim and Hen grabbed him and held him tightly. “I can’t leave him in there” Eddie sobbed.

“We’re not going to. But we need you safe too. He needs you to be safe. You know what it would do to Buck if you got hurt trying to save him.”

Bobby was trying to stay calm, but inside he was screaming too. Not Buck. Not again.

His voice shook on the radio to Dispatch. “Mayday, mayday, mayday. This is Captain Bobby Nash of the 118. Building collapse at our scene, firefighter trapped, likely injured. Severely. Need assistance now.”

He recognised Josh’s voice on the other end. Calm and professional as always. “This is dispatch, 118. The 133 are already en route. They are 4 minutes out, and are equipped with heavy lifting gear.”

A pause. Josh never broke protocol, so it shocked them all when he asked ”Bobby, can you identify the missing firefighter?” They all knew why he was asking. Maddie must be nearby listening to every word, terrified for both her husband and her little brother. She needed Josh to ask what she couldn’t.

Bobby closed his eyes. “Evan Buckley”.

————————————————————

It was so unfair, Bobby raged. Why was Buck, who had been through so much, on the receiving end again? He’d already actually died and come back to them. Surely God, or the Universe or whatever, couldn’t expect more. He remembered how happy Buck had been that morning and bit back a sob as he worked through the rubble with the rest of his team and the guys from the 133.

“How you doing Nash?” Captain Mehta was at Bobby’s shoulder. Bobby shrugged, not trusting himself to answer. He focused on the search for Buck.

“We’ll find him. And he’ll be OK. He’s survived worse.” Mehta paused. “Only Buck has survived worse than a building collapse, I think. But he has. More than once. I’ve never known anyone so strong and determined, Bobby. Don’t give up hope”.

Then the shout from one of Mehta’s 133 crew. “Over here- we’ve got him”. Bobby looked up, fear etched across his face. “Is he…”

“He’s alive but he’s unconscious. He’s clear of the rubble. Checking for injuries now”.

The 118 rushed to where Buck lay after the 133 had pulled him free of the debris. “He was in an air pocket” one said. “Looks like it protected him somehow. Man, he’s lucky. Can’t see a mark on him”.

The 118 shared a look of pure disbelief. Buck was never lucky. Hen darted forward and started her own checks, not trusting what she was hearing. “Come on Buck, wake up for me” she waved the salts under his nose, and the young firefighter shocked into consciousness straight away. “Welcome back” she said, tears of relief in her eyes.

Buck muttered a slightly dazed “What happened?”

“You were hit by a building, Buck” Hen said dryly, in response. “I’m checking you over. What hurts?” Her business-like manner hid her concern as she examined her young colleague.

Buck paused. He was fully conscious now, alert and coherent. “Nothing” he said, almost puzzled. “I mean, I ache a bit, I guess, but nothing more”. He looked suddenly scared, as that sunk in. “Is that a bad sign? Shouldn’t I be feeling pain?”

Hen was working across every inch of his large frame, her face unreadable. Chim was poised ready to help wherever needed. The rest of the 118 and the 133 stood back watching silently. They were all focused on Hen and Buck. Eddie’s face was streaked with dried tears, and Bobby had his arms around him, making sure he gave Hen space to work. Captain Mehta was there too, with his hand on Bobby’s shoulder for comfort.

Hen talked to Buck all the way through the examination, asking questions to check he was alert and aware, and also to check how he was feeling as she worked.

“Well” she said finally. “I think… you’re fine. I can’t find a single thing seriously wrong. No broken bones. No significant bruising, bleeding or swelling. You have scrapes and minor contusions. Some might need dressing. And you were unconscious so that needs checking at the hospital, but I can’t see any sign of a head injury. Pupils are equal and reactive. You are A&O x4. Might have been the heat that made you pass out, maybe? But, basically, - and I really can’t believe I’m saying this - I think you’re OK. Better than Ok”.

Buck looked up at her in disbelief. “But a-a building fell on me. At this point there should be, I-I don’t know, CPR and lots of yelling. And pain. So much pain. And usually blood. I’d wake up in the ICU after surgery. You’d all be worried and then you’d tell me off for being reckless.”

He took a deep breath, then let it out slowly. “You telling me none of that is gonna happen? I-I’m just… fine?” He laughed, a little shakily. “Who saw that coming? I feel kinda robbed, frankly”.

He paused a beat then asked “O-Ok if I sit up now?” Hen bit her lip then nodded. “Ok, Buckaroo. Tell me if anything feels off. Anything at all”.

He sat up cautiously. “Still fine. Help me stand”. Hen gave him a “not sure about this” look, but took an arm to help him up. Eddie rushed over and took his other side. “Is this a good idea?” Eddie forced out.

“I’m fine, Eds. Actually unhurt.” He gave Eddie a slightly tight grin. “Can’t sit around all day”.

Eddie exchanged a look with Hen, who narrowed her eyes but nodded. “I saw that look guys” Buck muttered. “Stop it. You said it, Hen. I’m fine.”

He looked around them at the remains of the building and gave a low whistle, appreciating for the first time exactly how lucky he was. Then, there were arms round him as his whole team came in for a group hug. “You scared us, man” said Eddie thickly, burying his face in Buck’s neck as he hugged him close. “Let’s not do “trapped under a collapsed building” again…”.

“I-I don’t know” Buck said in a teasing voice. “It’s better than “struck by lightning”, I think”. Buck gave him another hug. “Or the tsunami experience.”

“You might be right there” Eddie said in a choked voice. “Why don’t we not do any of those again”.

—————————————————

Buck did go to hospital in the end. They took him calmly in Bobby’s car. He wasn’t blue lighted in the ambulance, he didn’t flat line on the way, no one needed shocking back to life. It was surreal, to be honest. Eddie sat in silence next to Buck, their shoulders touching.

Buck had called Maddie before they left to let her know he was Ok, but she hadn’t believe it until she’d also spoken with Chim and Bobby. The doctors checked him over carefully, partly in disbelief and partly due to his past history. They were particularly looking for anything that might explain why he’d lost consciousness. Hen had been right. There was no sign of a head injury.

Then Bobby remembered something. “Before the collapse, Buck was coughing, and he seemed to be having trouble focusing. Said there was a problem with his air.” In the subsequent panic, Bobby had forgotten all about that.

Buck had no memory of that at all, but the doctors didn’t think that was a cause for concern. They concluded he’d simply passed out. Maybe he’d struggled in the intense heat, as Hen thought, and that had made it hard to breathe. Buck wasn’t entirely convinced- he’d worked a of a lot of fires and nothing like that had happened before.

The main thing was, after an incredibly thorough examination, Buck was declared to be fine.

The nurses redressed some of Buck’s more serious scrapes. “More so we’ve done something” said one who Buck knew well from his numerous previous hospital visits. She smiled at him. “It’s a lovely change to send you straight home, and not have to have all your friends sleep at your bedside for days.” She paused and looked over to where Eddie was waiting, watching Buck’s every move with an unreadable expression. She added slyly “We will kinda miss him though”.

Buck still couldn’t believe it. He was fine and he could go back to work. To his family.

It was a great day.

——————————————————

Buck did grudgingly admit to feeling a little sore and a bit tired as he climbed the fire house stairs. He flopped into the same couch as he had that morning and ran a slightly shaky had over his face. The couch sagged next to him. “All good?” Eddie’s voice was quiet and concerned. It was the first thing he’d said since before Buck went to hospital.

Buck turned and fixed Eddie with a serious look. “I-I’m all good Eddie. Really.” Buck gave Eddie’s hand a squeeze. “It’s still a great day”.

And Eddie had to agree. Any day where Buck survived a building collapse with nothing but minor cuts and bruises was a truly great day. He was suddenly hit by a wave of emotion he hadn’t even realised he’d been holding back. He pulled Buck into the tightest of hugs and sobbed onto his shoulder.

“Hey, man, I-I’m Ok!” Buck said gently. “We’re OK”.

Eddie got his breathing under control and pulled away to look into Buck’s startlingly blue eyes. “I thought we’d lost you. Again. That I’d lost you. You don’t know what it’s like to have to face that. It was like the world ended” Eddie breathed.

Buck held Eddie’s gaze. “Of course I know” he said softly. “I’ve lost you too, remember. You were shot. Right in front of me. And when that well collapsed, I truly thought you were gone. Man, I lost it then Eddie. Tried to dig you out with just my hands. So, yeah, I do know how it feels. But it’s all Ok. I’m Ok. You’re Ok. Or you will be once you calm down.”

Eddie gave Buck another tight hug. “You’re Ok. I’m Ok” he repeated softly. And he gave Buck a hesitant smile.

But Eddie wasn’t Ok. Far from it. The day’s events had finally made him face something he’d been dancing around for some time.

He was in love with Buck.

Which was amazing and terrifying all wrapped together. Buck was his best friend. He and he could never jeopardise that- or risk Chris’ relationship with Buck. It was all too important.

But he’d known subconsciously for a while that he felt so much more for Buck than just friendship, and today had broken down his last barrier. Thinking he’d lost the man he loved brought it all into clear focus.

Eddie had never really considered his sexuality. He’d liked women, so he assumed he was straight. But what he felt for Buck was definitely love. Eddie knew he had never met anyone with a purer heart than Buck.

More than that, Eddie was transfixed by Buck’s physical presence. He was beautiful. His eyes, his smile, the way his birthmark flushed when he was excited. And so hot. The way his body filled his clothes made Eddie’s heart race and had a noticeable effect on other parts of his body too. Eddie was sure Buck bought shirts at least one size too small because he knew they’d cling and show every muscle. And it definitely worked for him.

Yes, Eddie loved Buck. Was in love with him. In every conceivable way. Now he just needed to work out how to deal with it so he didn’t mess things up.

“You want a coffee?” he asked, rising quickly from the couch on surprisingly shakey legs. Buck jumped up to steady him, holding him round the waist.

“You OK, Eddie?” He asked, a concerned frown on his face. “Do I need to get Hen or Chim to check you out?”

“I’m just a bit overwhelmed” Eddie answered honestly. “It’s been a day”.

“You sit. I’ll make us coffee” Buck said, lowering Eddie back to the couch, and setting off for the kitchen. But he was interrupted by Chim calling from the locker room. “Hey. Wicked Witch of the East, come down here”. His voice sounded strange.

“Who?” Buck looked puzzled. Eddie grinned, despite himself.

“You, idiot” Chimney shouted. “The witch from the Wizard of Oz? House fell on her?” Chim rolled his eyes. “Never mind. Just get down here.”

“How have you never seen the Wizard of Oz, Buck?” Eddie asked, as they went down stairs together to see what Chim wanted.

He was standing by Buck’s gear with a dark look on his face. “I was thinking on what Cap said, that you thought you had an issue with your air. I double-checked your tanks. Buck, the gauge was faulty. It showed much more air than you really had.

You were totally out of air. Thats why you were confused. You just couldn’t breathe. You were suffering from lack of oxygen and must have passed out, I think, moments before the building came down. Your mask got knocked off when you fell. The collapse trapped you in a pocket of breathable air from higher up. Without all that, you’d have suffocated. Even going back in, Eddie might not have got you in time”.

Buck gave a low chuckle that surprised his friends. “So, the building collapse might actually have saved me…”

But Eddie looked horrified. “So you survived that too. My god, Buck…”

“See? I told you it’s a great day.”

But Eddie was spiralling now. He found it increasingly hard to let Buck out of his sight, even for a moment. He just could not pull his mind away from what might have been and the different ways the man he loved might have died.

———————————

There were no more calls. The 118 ate the apple pie- Buck reheated it in the end after Chim complained- and they relaxed into each others company. Bobby watched over his team carefully. It took a while for them all- him included- to accept Buck wasn’t going to dramatically keel over, vomit blood or just stop breathing. But the kid was genuinely fine, much to Bobby’s relief.

However, as he watched, he realised Eddie was definitely not fine. He was much more subdued than normal and he kept with Buck like a shadow, seemingly not even aware he was doing so. Bobby frowned.

“Eddie, can I have a word?”

The conversation paused. Eddie gave Bobby a worried look. “It’s nothing serious Eddie. I just need a minute”.

“Go on Eddie” Buck sighed. “This is the part where Cap makes you promise not to let me die in my sleep later”. He missed the look of fear that passed quickly over Eddie’s face. But Bobby didn’t.

“That’s not it, Buck” the Captain said, with a slightly forced chuckle. “You’re fine- stop being dramatic”. Buck rolled his eyes then grinned at him, and Hen and Chim giggled.

Eddie followed Bobby into his office. Bobby closed the door softly, and indicated Eddie should sit. He sagged into the chair.

“What’s going on Eddie?” Bobby asked gently. “You are totally on edge. I’ve never seen you like this before”.

Eddie sighed and ran a trembling hand over his eyes. “I thought he was gone, Bobby. I really did. After the lightning, losing him is the thing that scares me the most. I had to live without him for 3 minutes and 17 seconds. It was a lifetime. I know how it feels now to be in a world without him in it, and I can’t go through that again. It’s always there, in the back of my mind. Usually I can drown it out but today… today I lost him. Again. And I…” Eddie sighed. He needed to tell someone. “I love him Bobby. Like, in love. Which I know I’m going to have to deal with. And I will, don’t worry. But, just right now, it’s taking a minute to adjust. I feel like I’m going out of my mind”.

“When did you realise?” Bobby asked softly.

“It’s something I’ve been becoming aware of for a while, but it really hit me today. That’s why it’s so raw.”

“You need to tell him, Eddie” Bobby said. “He deserves to know he’s loved, really loved, by someone who knows him. Someone who sees him. Someone who loves him just for being him. You have to let him know he’s enough. I’m not sure he’s ever had that before. And you deserve to know how he feels about you. You know he loves you as a friend but he may feel more too. You have a very close bond.”

“But what if he doesn’t feel the same? What if I tell him and he can’t move past it? I can’t lose his friendship”.

“You know him better than that Eddie. He’d die before he hurt you. You know he loves you. If he doesn’t love you in the same way you love him, he’ll let you know. And that’s fine. He’s entitled to feel what he feels and you can’t change that. But he won’t be cruel- Buck is never cruel- and he will still love you as his best friend. That would just have to be enough for you. Could you handle that?”

Eddie ran his hand through his hair again. “You’re right Bobby. Thanks. And I could deal with almost anything to keep Buck in my life. I can love him on his terms”.

“Talk to him tonight Eddie. He’ll know something is wrong and he’ll tie himself in knots imagining all sorts of bad things if you don’t.”

Bobby paused. “Why don’t we have Chris for a sleep over at ours tonight so you can talk properly? He can come for dinner then play video games with Harry till bedtime. I’ll can drop him home in the morning.”

Eddie was so grateful, he didn’t know what to say. He just gave Bobby a hug of thanks.

The bell rang to signal the end of their shift.

“Good Luck” Bobby said, giving Eddie’s shoulder a squeeze.

———————————————

Buck was waiting for Eddie by his truck. He watch Eddie through his eyelashes as he made his way over. He looked tired and drawn, and something had been been off all afternoon. Since the building came down. Buck knew Eddie had been scared, and he hated that he was the cause. Maybe Eddie needed some space and some time to get over it. Buck could give him that.

“Hey, man” he said as Eddie came nearer. “We can skip the sleepover if you aren’t feeling it.”

Eddie gave Buck a look he couldn’t read. He and Eddie were usually so in sync, and not knowing what Eddie was thinking made him feel really uneasy. “No Buck”, Eddie said in a shaky voice. “A building fell on you, so I plan to have you where I can keep my eye on you. Like you said, just to make sure you don’t die.”

He gave Buck a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. Then he sighed. “Besides, I think we need to talk”.

Oh, thought Buck. Oh no.

This couldn’t be happening. Eddie was his best friend and Buck needed Eddie in his life. But he knew everyone left him in the end. The “we need to talk” conversation was always the start. Was that what Bobby wanted to talk to Eddie about? Were they being split up as partners? Maybe Eddie had requested it because he didn’t think he could work with Buck any more, and Bobby was checking he was sure. Did Eddie think he was too reckless? A disaster magnet? Too much of a risk? Maybe he was just too… exhausting. Buck’s thoughts started to spiral.

“Eddie…” he tried again.

“Let’s just go home, Buck, and talk there” Eddie said firmly. “Chris is gonna be staying with Bobby tonight, so we won’t be interrupted”.

Buck felt himself come apart. This was really happening. Eddie had asked Bobby to take Chris so he wouldn’t be upset by their conversation. So he wouldn’t be around Buck. He just couldn’t stand it.

“Look, Eddie, I know today was a lot. If you need space, just say. I can go to my loft, give you time to process. I can tag onto B shift for a while, just to get out of your hair for a bit. I just… I just don’t want this to be a problem.“

Eddie looked at him blankly, as if he didn’t understand what Buck was saying.

Buck’s heart was in his eyes and he pressed on. “You’re my best friend and I-I’m sorry I scared you today, but I’m fine. Really. Please Eddie?”

“Just get in Buck” Eddie was suddenly exhausted. “We’re going home, we’ll drop off Chris with Bobby, get take out and then talk”.

Buck just nodded. He could do that for Eddie. Resigned to it now, he made himself as small as possible in the seat of Eddie’s truck. They drove in uncomfortable silence with none of the easy banter they usually enjoyed. Buck couldn’t help the tears that filled his eyes as he stared out of the window, face turned away from Eddie.

It wasn’t a great day any more.

———————————————

Chris took a long minute to process the news that a building had collapsed onto Buck. Eddie could see it bothered Chris almost as much as it bothered himself.

Chris had been worried when he first saw Buck with new scrapes and bruises. And he started to panic as Buck told the story of what had actually happened. He calmed down a little once he knew Buck had made a miraculous escape with no lasting damage, though he had the same trouble believing it as everyone else.

Buck reassured Chris that he was totally OK, though, and Chris trusted him. He always did. Buck had been there for Christopher through some of the worst traumas imaginable- the tsunami, when Eddie had been shot. The bond between them was something that Eddie treasured and he knew Buck loved Chris like he was his own son. Chris loved him just as much, and was happy and relieved Buck was safe.

Chris was less happy with the sudden sleepover plan. He did not understand why he was being packed off to spend the evening with Harry, rather than hanging out with Buck and his Dad. That only usually happened when one of them was really hurt, and Eddie could tell he was still worried about Buck even though he tried to hide it.

“But he said he was OK. He looks OK. Did something else happed, Dad? Is Buck actually hurt? Is it bad?” Chris asked quietly while he and Eddie were packing a bag in his room. Buck was fixing him a snack in the kitchen. Chris’s voice trembled slightly, though Eddie knew he was trying to stay calm.

Eddie sighed. He didn’t lie to Chris. “Yeah, buddy, something happened. But Buck isn’t hurt. No one is hurt. It’s all fine. I just need to talk to him, privately, about a couple of things. That’s all. You don’t have to worry about him.”

“Are you going to tell him you love him?” Chris asked suddenly.

Eddie was stunned. “W-what do you mean?”

“Come on Dad- it’s obvious. How you look at him. How you worry about him. You are always together. You always know where he is. What he needs. You touch his hair when he’s asleep, for goodness sake. You love him, so tell him.”

Eddie flushed- was he really that obvious? Or did his kid just know him better than anyone? He sighed.

“I do love him, Chris”. Chris beamed an “I told you so” smile. “I take it that’s Ok with you?”

“Of course Dad- it’s Buck!”

“I am going to tell him, but Chris, you should know I don’t think he feels the same. He loves us, but he’s not in love with me. And that’s fine. I just can’t lie to him, now I’m clear on how I feel. I don’t think it will lead to anything, so don’t expect it to”.

Chris gave his dad a hug. “I think you’re wrong about that, Dad. I think Buck is in love with you too. He’s always watching, making sure you are Ok. Good luck talking to him. Thank you for telling me how you feel.“

Eddie hugged him back and they joined Buck in the kitchen. Buck noticed the atmosphere had changed - Chris was now keen to get to the sleepover and seemed excited, even. Buck was glad to see him happy, but he was sad Chris wouldn’t be around this evening. It might have held off Eddie saying whatever it was he was going to say. Buck didn’t know if he’d be invited over again after tonight, and he didn’t know how he’d handle that. Chris was such an important person in Buck’s life. He would have liked one last evening to soak as much of his love in as possible. Buck’s eyes filled with tears and he hid them by focusing on the sandwich he was making.

“There you go, Chris” he said with a forced smile, once he’d got himself under control. “Love you, Buddy”.

“I love you too Buck” Chris gave him a huge hug, taking Buck by surprise. He wondered if Eddie had said anything and Chris was hugging him goodbye. Surely not.

They dropped Chris off at Bobby and Athena’s. Buck noticed the goodbye hugs were extra big tonight and again he wondered if Chris knew what was coming. He hugged him back hard.

“I’ll see you soon Chris” Buck said. Chris gave him a quick smile. “I hope so Buck!”. That hurt Buck’s heart, but he smiled back anyway.

They picked up food and beer- quite a lot of beer, Buck thought- on the way home and sat on the couch to eat the pizza. Eddie wasted no time in cracking open a beer and handed one to Buck too. They ate and drank in silence. Buck suddenly realised that Eddie- who rarely drank- was already draining his third beer and reaching for a fourth. Worry gnawed again at Buck’s insides.

“Eddie, you want to take it easy?” He said quietly. “I know you’re mad but you’ll regret this in the morning”.

Eddie didn’t say anything for a moment, then he turned to Buck, eyes intense. Then they softened.

“Who said I was mad?” There was already the slightest hint of a soft slur in his voice. “Not mad, Buck. Just… scared”.

Oh shit. This was it. Eddie was going to tell him that he couldn’t be in his life any more because it was too much. He’d been so happy that morning, so safe, and now he was going to lose the most important people in his life. Because Buck loved Chris like his own son. And Eddie… well, Eddie was the most important person Buck had ever had in his life. Buck was in love with him. He had been for a long time. He loved his kind, caring, strong, beautiful and sexy best friend.

He’d also believed he could never say anything. Eddie was straight. He’d never risk losing his friendship with Eddie or his relationship with Chris. So for the longest time Buck had tried not to love Eddie and to deny his feelings. It had been killing him.

That morning, though, he’d realised with a jolt of happiness that he didn’t need to do that. He could feel the love he had for Eddie, let it flow out and fill his soul. It didn’t matter if Eddie didn’t love him in the same way. He could be in Eddie’s life, on Eddie’s terms, and still love him. Eddie didn’t need to love him back - or even to know. Just loving him made Buck happy. It was that realisation that had made the day so great.

Then a building fell on him.

As usual, something earth shattering happened and blew his world apart. This was going to break Buck’s heart. He was going to lose Eddie. And in losing Eddie he’d lose Chris too. His most important people. His family. Buck just wanted to run and hide.

But he couldn’t watch Eddie suffer any more.

“What did you want to talk about, Eds?” He asked in a quiet voice. He saw the pain in Eddie’s eyes and flinched. God. Buck looked away.

Beer wasn’t going to be strong enough for this. Wordlessly, he walked into Eddie’s kitchen, and lifted down the tequila. He pulled two shot glasses from the cupboard. He filled one and drank. Then again. Again. And again.

Eddie had followed him into the kitchen, shadowing him like he had all afternoon. He put a hand on Buck’s arm looked at Buck with concern.

“Why, Buck?” Eddie asked in a soft voice. “Are you Ok?” He took Buck’s hand in his. “You don’t have to do that” he soothed. “It’s gonna be Ok. And I need you to be… here so I can talk to you.”

Eddie led an unresisting Buck back to the couch. They sat in an uncomfortable silence for a few minutes. Minutes that felt like hours. Buck felt the world soften at the edges as the tequila hit. Now or never, he thought.

“Go on then, Eddie. What do we need to talk about?” Buck felt his eyes fill with tears, knowing what was coming.

Eddie wasn’t looking at him- couldn’t look at him. He took another long pull on his beer. His fourth now? The room was in soft focus and he felt a little unsteady. But Bucks face was clear, his beautiful blue eyes holding back an ocean of tears. He looked so sad. Eddie wondered if he’d guessed what was coming.

Eddie took a breath.

“Buck, I need to tell you something.” Definitely a slight slur there now, Buck thought through his own growing haze. Man, even that was sexy on Eddie. He bit his lip at the thought.

“Today was hard- harder than anything I’ve been through with you before, because now I know for sure what losing you feels like. You left me for 3 minutes and 17 seconds. And it was unbearable. Then today I thought it happened again. I couldn’t get to you. You were buried. Out of reach. Gone.” Eddie took a pull on his beer then continued. “I know you came back to me. Again. But it broke something in me. Made me crazy. I spent the whole afternoon terrified, looking for the danger in everything you did. I watched your every breath. It was overwhelming. I know you are fine, but things could have been so different, and I just can’t seem to get past that. It’s made some things clear for me.” Eddie sighed. “There is something I need to tell you”

Buck closed his eyes. Here it comes, he thought.

“I had to tell you tonight, once things were clear in my mind. It’s only right I should be honest with you. You mean so much to me so I could never lie to you”.

Eddie took another pull on his beer. Buck waited for the blow.

“I-I needed to tell you…” Eddie paused. He took a deep breath, closed his eyes and then opened them again. He looked at Buck, who seemed frightened now. “I love you. I am in love with you”.

There was a moment of silence. Buck froze, the face that had been filled with fear going blank.

Eddie saw his expression change but he ploughed on hurriedly.

“I know you don’t feel the same, and I don’t expect you to. I want you in my life - and Chris’s life - on your terms. But, after today, I needed you to know. I don’t want to hide anything from you. Ever. I am in love with you, Buck. I’m sorry. Please don’t be angry. Don’t leave”.

Buck felt Eddie’s words wash over him, but he struggled to take them in. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He just sat in silence, trying to process Eddie’s words.

Eddie just sat looking at him, waiting for a reaction. Any reaction.

But nothing.

Then Buck struggled to his feet and moved back into the kitchen.

“Buck?” Eddie asked, his voice shaking.

Buck came back with the tequila and the two shot glasses. He poured them both a shot, knocked his back, and poured another and drank that too.

“Buck!” Eddie said again. “Maybe you should take it easy…?”

Buck finally turned and looked at him.

“Eddie- have you any idea what I’ve been going through this evening? I thought you were leaving me. I-I thought I was too much, again. I thought I wouldn’t see Chris any more, that you sent him on a sleepover so he wouldn’t be around me. I thought you didn’t want me around anymore.”

“You and Chris are the most important people in my life, and I couldn’t bare that I was losing you. But… but… you… don’t feel that.” Buck suddenly dissolved into sobs.

Eddie was horrified. “Oh Buck, I’m so sorry. Of course we want you. We love you- need you in our lives. I just couldn’t lie to you or keep you in the dark about my feelings. I wanted you to know you were seen and loved”. Eddie put his arms around his friend and hugged him till the sobbing eased. Buck gently pushed him away, and seemed to sway slightly. He drank another shot then turned to look at Eddie. Eddie could smell the tequila on his breath. It was obviously hitting his friend hard. Like a tsunami, Eddie thought darkly. But those blue eyes were steady and fixed on Eddie. He felt as if Buck was looking into the depths of his soul.

Eddie was panicking. He took his own shot and felt it burn his throat. Then he started talking, just to fill the silence that had become unbearable. “But it doesn’t have to change anything. I know you don’t feel what I feel. And that’s fine. I’d never stop you seeing Chris, even if you don’t want to see me. Just tell me what you need and… oh!”

Buck cut off Eddie’s nervous stream of conversation by kissing him tenderly on the lips. He pulled Eddie close and brushed his fingers through Eddie’s soft dark hair. After a long moment they broke apart.

“Eddie” Buck whispered. “Of course I love you. You make the sun shine. I just never thought you’d feel the same way. You always dated women. I never thought you’d even look at me.”

Eddie was stunned. He just stared at this beautiful man with the beautiful heart. His best friend, the love of his life, the man who loved him back. Then he leaned forward and breathed him in. “Kiss me again”. And Buck did.

The kissing carried on for a while, and the joy of new exploration was intense. Eddie could feel Buck harden, and his body responded the same way. He wanted Buck so badly, and it seemed Buck felt the same.

Then Eddie gently, regretfully, pushed Buck away. “I can’t do this, Buck. You’re drunk. I don’t want you to do anything now you may regret tomorrow. It’s not fair to you, and I couldn’t handle that rejection. I’d never come back from it”. Eddie’s heart was in his eyes and Buck had never seen him look more vulnerable. Or beautiful.

“Eddie” he cupped the other man’s chin so he couldn’t look away. “I have wanted to do this with you for so long. I have never wanted anything more. If you don’t want to, we can wait. I want you to be sure. But make no mistake. Drunk, sober- hell, dead!- I want this. I want you”.

And Eddie melted. He pulled Buck back towards him and whispered into his neck “I want you too”.

Buck stood up- and was surprised when the room swam. He really was drunk. Maybe from the tequila, maybe from Eddie, maybe both.

He pulled Eddie to his feet, and together they moved a little unsteadily to the bedroom. They staggered inside and collapsed onto the bed in a giggling heap.

“Thank god for Bobby taking Chris” Buck mumbled, taking of his shirt and feeling a thrill go through him as he watched Eddie do the same.

“We’ll buy him and Athena dinner next week”. Eddie pulled Buck on top of him.

And then the kissing started again, this time more serious. Eddie made a sound between a moan and a groan as Buck toyed almost casually with his nipples, and Eddie ran his hand across Bucks stomach, stroking it gently before moving lower.

They were both hard now. Tequila always turned Buck on, Eddie found out later, and he was just overwhelmed by Buck’s sheer physicality.

Gently, Buck explored Eddie, showing him things he’d never experienced before. Always checking first, Buck caressed, nibbled, stroked. What Buck could do with his fingers, with his tongue. Eddie’s body was begging for Buck, and he’d never felt anything so intense. They had no inhibitions. There was a looseness to Buck’s movements, brought on by the tequila, and Eddie found that hot as hell. He was so hard and wet now. Buck wrapped his huge hand around Eddie’s swollen length. He started gently, building into a rhythm that brought Eddie close to orgasm almost immediately. Another moan of pleasure escaped Eddie’s lips and Buck kissed him softly, all the time taking Eddie nearer the edge.

Buck was focused on Eddie, on his pleasure. Eddie was a fast study, though, and figured Buck was doing to Eddie what he himself enjoyed. He reached down and gripped Buck, hands moving in firm, regular strokes, and felt him respond to his touch. Buck’s eyes snapped open in surprise as he moaned in pleasure too, and that made Eddie even more aroused. He groaned. “Now, please…”

“Not yet Baby” Bucks voice slurred gently. He changed his grip and the twisting pull motion made Eddie shudder and writhe, pushing back against every stroke like his life depended on it. “Please… I need to...”

Finally, Buck felt Eddie had suffered enough. He lowered his head and used his soft, moist tongue to send Eddie shuddering over the edge and into climax. Eddie moaned with pure pleasure at the release, his vision swimming. He recovered for a moment, hand still caressing Buck. Then he moved position and took Buck in his own mouth. He’d never done this to another man before, but he knew what worked and Buck’s groans of pleasure made Eddie hard all over again. “Eddie, I’m so… close…” Buck forced through gritted teeth. “You can last just a little longer” Eddie breathed as he took Buck in hand again, twisting and stroking in a way that made Buck almost scream. Then he lowered his head one last time. He caressed Buck’s swollen end with his tongue, running it across his dripping slit, hand still stroking, and that was Buck’s undoing. Buck shuddered as the crashing wave broke through him. He couldn’t believe that Eddie- straight, not gay Eddie- had just done that to him.

For his part, Eddie just couldn’t believe how good it had felt to explore Buck. He wanted to get to know every inch of him. Very intimately.

They lay quietly for a few moments, basking in the warmth of their passion. “We should clean up” Buck said. His voice was soft and slurry in a way Eddie had never heard before. His own head was spinning and he wasn’t sure he’d be able to stand. But Buck helped him to his feet. They showered together, which was another experience Eddie planned to repeat often. Then they stripped the soiled sheets from the bed. To tired to do anything else, they threw a blanket over the mattress and pulled the quilt over them. Buck put his arms around Eddie and held him close, breathing on his neck.

“I love you” he whispered huskily. “Can I be your boyfriend?”

Eddie laughed. “I think that’s a yes”.

—————————————

Buck woke up with a sore head and a dry mouth. He was confused for a moment. He was in Eddie’s bedroom. In Eddie’s bed. With Eddie. And then memories of last night washed over him and he froze.

What if Eddie- sober Eddie- thought it was a huge mistake? Buck knew Eddie had said he loved him, but what if… Buck couldn’t face that rejection. He gently removed his arm from across Eddie and got out of bed. The other man was still sleeping and Buck had never seen anything so heartstoppingly lovely in his life. Heart breakingly lovely.

Buck quietly left the room and went looking for clothes. He pulled on a shirt and some sweats- Eddie’s, he realised. Then he wandered into the kitchen and sat at the table with his head in his hands. How could he bare it if Eddie didn’t want him. It would break him.

Eddie woke slowly, building the memories of last night. He basked in the joy of them and was surprised at just how comfortable it had felt. He wanted to shout from the rooftops that he loved Buck and Buck loved him. But then he realised the bed beside him was empty and Buck was gone. He leapt up and his hangover kicked in with a vengeance. Holding his aching head he hurried out of his bedroom.

“Buck?” He called softly. “Where d’you go, man?”

“Kitchen” came the reply and Eddie couldn’t read the tone of Buck’s voice.

What he saw when he entered the kitchen froze him to the spot. Buck was at the table, head in hands, tears streaming.

“Oh, baby, what’s wrong?” Said Eddie, running to his side. Buck wouldn’t look at him.

“I’m sorry Eddie”, he sobbed. “I shouldn’t have taken advantage. You were drunk and I just wanted you so badly. I know you said you loved me but…”

“Buck” Eddie interrupted. “Last night was one of the best of my entire life. The best. I certainly don’t regret a moment…” Then he paused as a wave of doubt hit him. “Do you?” He asked quietly?

Buck lifted his ocean eyes and Eddie felt he was drowning. The smile on Bucks face was all the answer he needed. Eddie tilted Bucks chin and kissed him. Just when Buck felt things might get out of hand again, Eddie pulled away.

“Breakfast” he stated firmly. “With lots of coffee” he grimaced. “And you have to make pancakes- Chris will be home soon. Bobby is dropping him off.”

Another wave of panic hit Buck. What would Chris say to all this?

“Ed-Eddie” he stammered. “What should we tell Chris? What if he’s unhappy with… this?”

Eddie gave Buck a soft smile. “We have Chris’s blessing. He knew I loved you before I did, I think.”

Buck looked at his friend- his boyfriend?- in disbelief. “Who else knows?” He said jokingly. Eddie gave him a strange look. “Eddie?”

“I told Bobby” Eddie blurted out. “Yesterday, in his office. He knew something was wrong and I needed his advice. He said to tell you- to trust you with my heart. It’s why he took Chris last night.”

Eddie looked at Buck nervously, to see if this upset him. He shouldn’t have worried though. “So we probably need to do better than buying him dinner” Buck deadpanned. “What do you think? A car?”.

Eddie thumped his shoulder playfully.

————-

They cleaned up, made the bed and were both showered (separately to avoid distraction) and dressed by the time Bobby arrived with Chris. Buck had the pancake batter ready to go, and the table was laid with coffee and juice. It was just another breakfast in the Diaz house.

Chris was not buying it. Nor was Bobby. Chris captured Eddie with “dad come help me unpack. Now!” and they went off to Chris’s room.

“Well?” Chris asked without any lead up. “How did it go?” Eddie smiled. “Well, buddy, Buck will be staying here with us a lot more now, I hope. Turns out he loves me too!”

“Told you!” Chris crowed. He gave his dad the biggest hug. “Way to go Dad!”. Then he paused.

“You guys aren’t going to be gross around me are you. Not too much kissing. I mean, you do have a room…”

Eddie laughed. “Can’t promise bud. We may be totally gross for a while.”

Chris sighed dramatically, but gave his dad another hug. “Are you happy Dad?”

“Yes, so very happy. And I think Buck is too”.

In the kitchen, Buck was fixing Bobby coffee and had the first pancake on the go. He was humming and singing softly to himself, and wore the same big grin as yesterday. Bobby thought this was a good sign.

When the pancake was ready, Buck served it up to Bobby, who was surprised.

“I wasn’t expecting breakfast, Kid. I’m just the chauffeur.”

Buck put an arm across Bobby’s shoulder. “Listen, Cap. I know Eddie spoke to you yesterday. Thank you for helping him when he needed someone. And thank you for giving us the space last night. We needed that, as it turns out.”

Bobby chuckled. “So, do I need to file the “relationship” paperwork?”

“I think so, Bobby.” He looked at his Captain. “Did you know? That we were in love. “

“I hoped. And then Eddie talked to me last night and I realised that he’d be so good for you. I thought you felt the same way, but wasn’t sure. I thought you should have the chance to say what you wanted”.

Bobby grinned. “I assume - and please don’t share personal details!- that last night went well?”

Buck grinned at his Captain. “It was perfect, Bobby. Thank you!! We owe you a lot.” Buck paused. “You need a new car?”

Then they heard Chris cheering from his bedroom.

“That’s quite a family you’re getting there, Buck. You ready?”

And he was. He wanted Eddie and Chris, he wanted to be accepted into their lives. He loved the 118 and all his chosen family.

“Yes, Cap, I truly am.” He turned back to the stove to make pancakes for Eddie and Chris, just as they came into the kitchen.

Chris rushed over and gave Buck a huge hug. “Can’t believe you love my dork of a Dad. Glad you do though. Does this mean you’re moving in?”

Buck didn’t even flinch. “If you and your dad want me, then I’m here.”

Bobby felt the tears prick his eyes. He was so proud of Buck and so glad he was safe, happy and loved. He gave Eddie’s should a fatherly pat. “Hope you know what you’re doing son” he drawled. But Eddie’s look cut through games.

“I do Bobby. I really do. I won’t hurt him”

“I know Eddie. You trust Buck with your son, and I trust you with mine. Make him happy.”

“I will, Cap”.

They all turned to look at Buck who was busy fixing pancakes and didn’t notice the attention. He was still singing softly to himself.

Buck looked out of the window at the blue sky, then turned to… his family.

“It’s going to be another great day”