Chapter Text
The smell of fresh coffee, bacon, and scrambled eggs filled the air around Barbara as she hummed with John P Kee and the New Life Community Choir on the little speaker device Gina had sent them for Christmas. When Gerald came in, she was lost in the melodies, singing the song's chorus.
“Nobody can hold me, nobody can mold me, nobody can show me, like you, Jesus!”
“Can you turn that mess down? It’s too early for all that carrying on, Barb. I just got off!”
Gerald shuffled into the kitchen, rolling his eyes and tossing his now-empty lunch bag and canteen on the table.
“Well, good morning to you, too, hubby. I have our breakfast ready if-”
Barbara’s smile was strained, but she tried her best to make it reach her eyes as she watched Gerald move about, and she reached over for the button to cut off the Echo.
“No breakfast for me. I’m going to bed. I gotta go back in tonight, remember?” Gerald scoffed again, turning on his heels and leaving the kitchen without another word.
The loud thud of his work boots matched the beating of Barbara’s wounded heart as she cut off the stove and grabbed some Tupperware to put away the wasted breakfast before gathering her things to leave for work.
Barbara was tired.
The one hundred days celebration was a lot. Kids running around in costumes and parents funneling in and out all morning had taken just about everything out of Barbara. She was so glad they'd had a half-day assembly that ended the school day for everyone.
“Lord, I thank you, " she said to the empty walls of her classroom as the last child and parent left. Then she heard the click of her room door closing behind them.
Watching the family walk down the hall, Barbara thought of Taylor. Getting the call this morning about her soon-to-be grandbaby was supposed to fill her with joy. She was happy for them and happy for her and Gerald. For a moment. Until realities set in. The reality was that Taylor was unmarried. The facts were that she was not ready to be muumuued or grannied in the slightest. And Gerald? The thought of telling him made her temples start to throb. If he didn’t know already, that is. Taylor had always been a daddy’s girl. She probably called him before calling her. He would have answered for Taylor. He would have gotten himself out of bed, smiled, laughed, and been the boisterous man she used to know. She was supposed to be feeling joy. All she felt instead was dread.
Asking Ava to make her over felt freeing. An impulse, yes, but one Barbara relished in indulging. Standing in Ava’s closet, listening to her describe each piece of clothing as she stepped into her space and held the garments against her felt exhilarating. Ava was encouraging and warm. Something she wasn’t used to seeing in her. And especially towards herself, but she didn’t often ask Ava for much.
The summer they’d worked together felt like so long ago Barbara had asked then. For the ramp for her student, sure. That was a given. The school funds were dispersed easily enough. Ava didn’t need her help for that. She did want her company, however, and she wasn’t shy about letting her know. Barbara had asked her then.
“Why?”
“You’re beautiful.”
Ava said then. Just like she’d said today, and just like back then, Barbara lost her nerve. Eye contact was held then broken just before she gathered herself and whatever things she came into her office with to bolt out the door.
Sitting behind her desk with a heavy sigh, she grimaced as the too-tight jeans dug into her waist. She’d planned to wear her new look home. To saunter in with a sway and swagger that she had thirty years ago when she'd met Gerald. Hell, fifteen years ago, when the girls were home but still young enough to need her. The man she called her husband still whispered “My Beebee” in her ear when he came in from work at night, freshly showered, while climbing behind her in their marital bed. He barely hummed a hello these days when he got in, the day's funk still clinging to his skin.
A crinkle in her brow and a frown on her lips punctuated the thought. A reminder that she’d also have to strip the bed and start a load of laundry when she got home tonight. And now with this news. Talking to Gerald lately had been like pulling teeth.
Barbara felt a fresh wave of exhaustion. Her head fell into her hands, her eyes closed, and her elbows rested on her desk. She whispered a prayer before succumbing to the feeling. She was so tired that she didn’t hear the thump of boots as they approached her classroom door.
“Barb?”
Melissa sticks her head in the classroom. Melissa waited for a beat, but Barbara didn’t stir, so she tread lightly in her approach, reaching for her shoulder and giving it a light squeeze.
”Barb, you wanna go out to lunch, hun?”
Barbara was startled and looked around wildly at the sound of her name until her eyes found Melissa’s.
Melissa watched her best friend, the brief fear that flashed in her eyes melting into quick relief. That worried Melissa. She met her eyes with softness and smiled back, knowing too well that if she led with concern, she might not get Barbara out of this room with her.
“Let me just get out of these clothes and then, yes.”
Melissa wanted to ask what brought on the wardrobe change. There had to be more to this than just the grandbaby news. She wanted to press and see if Barbara was all right. Even though she knew deep down all this meant that she wasn’t. But, she’d wait. She was patient when it came to Barb. She was always a bit more smiley and much more relaxed with a good meal and a cocktail in hand. Barb talked more slowly, and the stories became freer. So she propped herself against Barb’s desk and nodded as her friend grabbed a tote hanging on the back of her chair and gingerly tiptoed into her classroom bathroom to change and redress.