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“I am no stranger to the rumors they tell about me, and no denier that most are true.” He took a shaky breath of forced composure, remained tall. “But they make no difference: I can assure you I’m just as strong as any other young man you’ve considered. Dare I say stronger, for I am of great size, and I will protect you with everything I have. To my last breaths, if I must.”
Ruko’s chest rose and fell far too shallow for the ragged breaths he felt tearing from his lungs. He lay sprawled on his back. His ears rang. The tiled floor was cold against his flesh left bare, all he could see outside of his own boots before him. It was almost dizzying, but, outside of the angle, familiar. However, it never gave him the headache he had today.
No need to worry, someone would come for him soon.
Ah. there they were now.
The unmistakable click of heels could be heard walking closer– Luka, he knew. Luka would bring someone to patch him up.
He found himself correct, and her figure soon came into frame, an altogether calm and collected stride. Soft pink hair swished behind her, a picture of elegance. She stopped by his feet, looked down at his body. He tilted his head, looked back up. Met her eyes.
She gave him an odd smile, one Ruko found himself too tired to decipher.
"They got away. My apologies," he informed her breathily, attempting to cleanse himself in her eyes. The tone was meant to be serious, but he couldn't stop his words from slurring. He tried his utmost to appear in power, collected, from his position beaten to blood and bone on the ground, but it must've failed, because–
"You look awful," she told him, a faint smirk gracing her lips. She directed it slightly down at him. He still wasn’t sure what it meant.
"That's... disgusting, honestly."
Ruko gave no acknowledgement. Luka smiled.
"Especially this here," she went on lightly, kicking at his lower left leg for emphasis. She wrinkled her nose in dull distaste. Even the small action sent fire through his body, but he clenched his teeth and attempted to remain stoic.
“Yes, quite the sight you’ve become…”
He could not deny, flesh was torn and limb disfigured, boot shredded to reach skin shredded to reach muscle shredded to reach bone, if you squint, but certainly it could be repaired and he could be back on it soon. Such was his job.
“And this...” She tutted her tongue, lightly shook her head. Ruko followed it with his eyes.
She casually made her way close enough to look straight down at him, vision on his chest. The gaping wound ripped massively through his torso and all the clothing that went over it. Blood puddled in a great amount; the pungent scent of iron already filled the room, but Ruko could tell his body would smell of rot, infection, for weeks.
Up, down, up, down, with every breath.
If he was a lesser guard, he would be absolutely writhing right now, but he wasn't. He was strong, so he kept an unfazed mask, held her gaze.
"That's ... inconvenient..." she purred, kneeling down to poke him where his heart was. As if realizing how gruesome the wound truly was, she decided it wasn't worth dirtying herself at all.
He was strong, yes, but why did this feel like stalling? She should have called for assistance by now. He was spilling his literal guts out on shiny palace tile. The teasing had gone on long enough, had it not?
“Please,” he mumbled, voice cracking in weariness. “Enough.”
Up, down. Up, down.
Luka swung her head to look in his now half lidded eyes in mock offense.
“Oh, pathetic little thing you are.”
Up, down. Up… down.
“You’re right, I suppose it has been enough.” Then, grinning smugly, she rose.
Up…
“Goodbye, Ruko.”
To Ruko’s horror, she walked off.
Ruko watched her go for a second in stunned silence, before croaking out, "No!"
He couldn't move, couldn't chase. What was she doing? Why was she leaving him here?
She turned, smile on lips.
"Oh? what is it you want?" she asked, near teasingly. Her eyes glinted.
Ruko didn't know how to say it. He didn't think he had to; why wasn't she getting someone to help? She looked at him with an absence of care, and this was… foreign to him. Foreign from her, at least. She often looked at him with a lack, but never an absence.
He opened and closed his mouth, and Luka looked at him in thinly veiled humor.
"What are you… doing?" he asked finally, painting with effort. "Aren't you going to..."
She clicked her tongue. "What is it you expect of me?" (You dare have expectations?)
He looked at her with glazed eyes, dry mouth. He managed a pathetic grunt, which humiliated him to his core.
"Ah, listen to you. You want me to help you, isn't it..." She spoke the words with traces of a laugh.
(You've gotten cocky, outmeasured your worth.)
"Why should I do that?"
Rukos mouth dried up entirely.
"Because I'm unable to... continue without it?" His voice broke at the start, came out hoarse.
Because I am your royal guard, the one you brought in from nothing to protect you, the one who has been with you and stood by you despite your wrongs? Doesn't that mean something? Shouldn't you care? Do you care? I thought you cared.
I would fling myself off a cliff at your command, Luka, I would fight wars where the odds are a million to one.
"it's alright, I need not worry about your… continuing .”
What?
"You're not worth the effort it'll take to fix... I'll just find someone else." Luka wandered a little closer, but did not kneel to meet him.
"...Why?" he forced out. She didn’t want him anymore? He couldn't be hearing right. he had to be worth more than this. He hated how needy the thought made him feel.
"I already said, silly,” Luka told him with a faint smile. If he hadn’t known the context of her words, it would almost sound light. He looked at her with wide eyes, took shaky breaths. He could feel his lungs rattle, that couldn’t be… couldn’t be healthy. To understate.
“You can't do anything for me anymore, Ruko. You'll never heal to how you were. I'll just find someone who’s in… better form."
Ruko felt numb.
This isn’t real. This couldn’t be real.
"You..." He couldn’t look at her. He looked over her head, eyes on the chandelier. Even desolate parts of the palace such as this has something expensive like a chandelier. His blood was dirtying the floors.
"oh, Ruko," she cooed in a sort of realization. "Cocky one, aren't you. What is it you think you are? you've always been replaceable."
Her smile was condescending, like he was a greedy child; how dare he think he deserved what wasn’t his.
"I..."
She knelt down, finally , but didn't touch him. His breath caught in instinctive anticipation. He tried to hide it, how pathetic he was. How expectant and needy, so needy.
"You should see your face right now!" She laughed lightly. "You look like a shunned house pet... although, I suppose if I kept you, that’s all you’d be.”
He had dared believe she loved him. He had dared believe he was not like the other soldiers, that she chose him for a reason, that he was not so replaceable as this, not something to be thrown away when no longer of perfect use…
He felt ashamed.
He had let himself forget his place; he hung his head.
"I am nothing more than a servant?” he forced out. All that meant nothing? It all meant nothing? When faced with becoming an inconvenience, it meant nothing?
“You always were. You know that.”
His breath was erratic. “But weren't we… didn’t you ever…?”
(Love me?)
He shouldn’t have asked.
How needy, needy, needy to her. Nothing but needy. Pathetically needy. And selfish to even inquire such a thing. Needy and selfish, on the ground, at her feet, disgusting. He’d never felt lower.
But a slight fond smile flickered across her lips, and she shook her head a little. She softened.
"Oh, I… I suppose telling a dying man will do no harm.”
A sharp breath escaped him, a choke.
“After all, who could you tell… this will die with you, at least.”
She traced her fingers so close to his cheek, so close he wanted to lurch to the mere centimeters it would take to connect them, to feel her…
“I would be lying if I said I never loved you.”
Something crumbled in his gut.
“You know that.” She laughed softly. He was still too dirty to touch, though, despite being so close… “Don’t be silly. There was a point I loved you like nothing else.”
He felt sick.
"Besides," she went on, "you started off with such sad eyes, such a pretty little face. And you were my age. You were big and strong, and so, so, desperate. You were there . Oh–” she mimed stroking his cheek– “you were there.”
Ruko did not want to hear any more. He did not know if he was allowed to tell her to stop. She had to stop before his breaths turned into whimpers, before it was clear he was nothing but hers. She didn’t want him.
“It was hard not to love you from the start, despite how my parents said someone like you would tarnish our good reputation..."
Luka knelt even lower. her hair tickled his nose.
"Although, I always thought you were beautiful."
No more. No more, no more. He couldn't hear more. This was too much. He let out a whine, closing his eyes tight.
"Why are you now throwing me away?" Ruko whispered shakily, blood seeping through barely moving lips. “Why? Why?”
What had he done for this to be lost? What had he done?
Luka smiled at him like he was a naive child asking a naive question. He let his eyes flutter open, stared at her through blood-caked lashes. Her gaze traveled from his eyes to his chest, the spurting wound, back to his eyes. It was still… somewhat soft.
"There are more important things to look for than how you make me feel.”
His gaze faltered.
“Now, I'll be leaving, so don't call me back."
She stood up, then, looking down at him with a soft smile, whispered, "if it was before, I may have left you with a kiss."
Then, lifting his sword from the limp grip of his fingers, she walked off.
Ruko did not call her back.
He stared as her form moved out of view, stared until his vision finally gave up to a fuzzy blur, as his own clothes grew sodden with the blood that poured out of him. There was nothing left for him here, anywhere.
Faint clunking drew closer behind him. He didn't bother focus his eyes to see.
"Let me die," he whispered, barely audible.
A form of a …girl? thing? tilted over his head, hands on hips. From Ruko’s vision, it was upside down.
"Well, I don’t know what you just said, but you don't seem in good shape! I saw you fight, though. Good! Even if you’re almost dead now." The girl giggled. "But I have come to offer better options!" The girl flashed him a bright, if yellowed smile, and Ruko groaned.
"Hurts. Go.” He shut his eyes.
More giggles erupted from an impishly turned grin, and she paid no regard to Ruko’s simple request. "No, no, no, you’re gonna come with me, okay?”
“I’m to be thrown away.”
“Nonsense, silly. I’d never!”