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Rin was used to being alone. She worked best on her own. She didn’t need to rely on another person; instead, she used her own strength to get things done. She’d grown into an independent young woman.
So, allying with Shirou wasn’t what she had in mind for the Holy Grail War. She wanted to win, though, so if necessary, she would do anything.
That night, Shirou was busy making dinner for the small group of people who were now regulars at his dinner table. Saber, Rin, and Taiga were gathered around the kotatsu, making small talk. On a cold winter's day, they looked forward to the cozy meals that he would cook up.
Rin’s mind quickly drifted away from the shenanigans going on between Taiga and Saber, and her eyes fell onto Shirou’s back. With an apron tied around his neck, he looked like a proper housewife. She smiled, but quickly caught herself.
Amidst the noise in the room, she could make out his soft humming as he stirred a pot of soup. She couldn’t believe that this silly teenage boy was someday going to become the strong, dashing servant who accompanied her in battle. Just the thought of it made her cheeks flush red.
“Oh? Is something wrong, Rin?” Taiga noticed her silence, pointing it out to her embarrassment. “Heh, you were staring at Shirou, weren’t you!”
“W-What?! I was not! Don’t say stupid things like that, you’ll give him ideas,” she shot back. Shirou turned around with a confused look on his face and started blushing as he realized what they were talking about.
“Rin, do you have feelings for my master?” Saber asked in her usual serious tone.
“No! Who would like a dumb, untrained mage like him?” she spat. She could hardly suppress her embarrassment and left the room in a hurry. She didn’t care if she had to miss dinner; she wanted to avoid their prying questions, especially if it was in front of Shirou.
She knew exactly why it bothered her so much, but acknowledging it was painful for her. She’d known what Archer's true identity was for a while. It was no guessing game why the two looked so similar, and why Shirou had such a close connection with swords.
Over the short time she had gotten to know Archer, he became more than just a servant to her. She admired his strong resolve, his unwavering bravery, and even his stubbornness. Above all, she was captured by his beauty. Archer was a muscular, handsome man, the kind who put butterflies in her stomach from just glancing at him.
She slammed the bedroom door behind her and collapsed face-first onto her bed, stuffing her head into a pillow.
The bed creaked as more weight was applied to it, and a rough hand touched her arm.
“Rin, aren’t you acting a bit childish?” a masculine voice judged her.
She kicked her legs at the man, slowly turning her head to look at him. Her white haired servant sat on the edge of the bed with his back facing her.
“I’m not acting childish, it’s their fault. I wasn’t…”
“You weren’t looking at him? You shouldn’t be upset then, it was a simple misunderstanding.”
He chuckled, leaning forward with his elbows resting on his knees. She stared at his toned back, his defined muscles clear through his tight black shirt. She wanted to reach out and touch him, to feel his thick skin beneath her fingers and trace her hands across his tan body.
“Unless you were staring at him. Then your reaction would make sense to me,” he said, completely aware of how she felt. Her attempts to hide her feelings for him stood no chance against the keen and observant knight.
Rin’s face was pink, her nerves acting up even around her servant. She grabbed him by his shirt weakly, and he didn’t flinch at all.
It was still hard for her to acknowledge that Archer and Shirou were one and the same. Shirou was so small, so naive and good-hearted, while Archer was the complete opposite. She had always had an eye on Shirou even before the war started, but once Archer came into her life…
She wanted him, and that was what drove Rin insane. She wanted him so badly, but she couldn’t let go of her pride. Choosing Archer meant choosing Shirou, and that was her worst nightmare. It was true that Archer was distinctly different from his younger self.
His childlike dreams and his unwavering conviction to be a hero had been destroyed when he became a heroic spirit. But at his core, he was the same boy she decided to fight alongside.
What did it mean to love him?
She wanted to learn, and reaching out to her servant was the only way she knew how. She held onto the fabric of his clothes with her fingers like she might be able to tear open the walls he put up around himself. To break down those walls and see into the confines of his heart was what she craved.
“Archer…” she whined. She pulled on his shirt, pleading with him like she was touch-starved.
He grabbed her hand and pulled her up gently.
“A-Ah…”
Brought into Archer’s arms, she felt safer than ever. Her heart was beating like crazy, and all of her senses were overridden by his strong, masculine scent. She knew there was no way she could win against him in this game of feelings.
“Look at you…getting all flustered over me in Shirou's own house. What would he think of this?” Archer chuckled, letting a chunk of her long black hair slip through his fingers.
“D-Don’t say that! You’re embarrassing me.”
“As if that’s going to stop me? I like making your face turn red,” he teased.
She wrapped her arms around the back of his neck and rested her head against his shoulder. Archer was muscular, and the security of being held in his arms was enough to make Rin feel like crying. She’d never felt so safe before.
“You don’t seem very surprised,” she paused. “All this time, have you known that I like you?”
“You're not bad at hiding it, but I’m not that stupid,” he smirked. “It’s the small things you do and say that let me know exactly how you see me.”
She pressed her nose against his neck, tasting his scent like she could get drunk off of it. His white hair brushed against her forehead, and she smiled to herself. Even though she was confessing her feelings to him, she was far less nervous than she thought she would be. The longer she spent in his arms, the calmer she became. She wondered if that was how it was supposed to be with someone you love.
“You’re an interesting girl, though, Rin. You refuse to admit that you have any sort of feelings for Shirou, but when it comes to me, you have no shame at all.” he shook his head disappointedly. “A girl your age shouldn’t be interested in older men.”
“Hmph…you don’t get it,” she pouted. Rin shifted her head down slightly, locating his hand and slowly locking their fingers together. Their hands slid across one another, one large and the other small, her trimmed and painted fingernails contrasting with his short ones. Even the simple differences between them made her excited. Excited to learn more about him, to become closer to him, and make him her own.
“What don’t I get, huh?”
“It’s…you’re different,” she sighed. “I shouldn’t have to explain something so simple.”
He smiled confidently, and before she could react, he flipped her onto the sheets flat against her back. She stared up at him with wide eyes, his cocky smirk piercing her heart like cupid’s arrow.
“How so?” he lowered himself onto her, his leg pressing between her thighs. "What makes me different from him..."
She let out a weak breath, her hands trembling. He was so close that she could barely think. “E-Emiya…what are you doing?”
“Showing my Rin some love,” he replied.
My Rin. Nobody had ever said something so romantic to her before.
Archer cupped her cheek in his hand, looking down at her with longing. “It just feels strange…holding the girl I loved so long ago like this.” How long had it been for him? The words spilling from his lips felt wrong. Had Shirou liked her all this time?
“Don’t look at him like that anymore, Rin,” he frowned. “You can’t have both of us.”
She nodded, unable to form words. Her mind was racing. She was in a vulnerable position, but she knew that he would never do anything to harm her. Archer could be unreliable and hard to deal with sometimes, but he would never go that far.
“I only want you, Archer. Stop acting so jealous…” she said. She brought her arms around his back and pulled him closer to her until they finally sealed their lips together.
His eyebrows knit, an expression of antagonized yearning on his face. Rin touched his cheek, keeping him locked against her lips. She could taste him, their saliva combining in their mouths. He was soft and warm, and his tongue gently pressed against hers.
She was a little upset at how skilled he was. Her own feelings of jealousy started to rise as she imagined how many girls he must have kissed to get that good.
She pressed her hand against his defined chest, trailing her hand down his side. A pathetic whimper escaped her throat, and she could feel the tall man laugh softly against her lips.
In that dark guest room, their dreams came to life. Her body pressed against the man she admired most, she felt like she had already won the holy grail. That was the kind of joy that being with Archer brought her.
Archer, like a source of mana for her heart, filled her immature and girlish spirit with peace. Finally, their lip-lock broke, and he looked into her blue eyes feverishly.
“Sorry, I don’t want to get too carried away.”
She tilted her head to the side, shifting her legs playfully. “You should be the one considering Shirou,” she laughed. “What if he heard us?”
Archer grunted and flipped over to lie next to her. The guest bed was small, but he was going to make it work. Spooning her, he wrapped his arm around her middle and held her close to him. Rin held her breath.
“Is it okay if I hold you like this?” he asked.
“All night…?”
“All night,” he confirmed. She could feel his breath warm against her neck, sending a shiver down her spine.
Archer had never acted so affectionate towards her, but maybe it was only now that he had full permission to act on his desires that he indulged in them.
“That’s fine. This bed is a little too big for both of us, though,” she said. She was just finding things to nitpick at this point, because a part of her didn’t want to accept that she gave in to him so easily.
“That’s perfect. You’ll be closer to me,” he laughed.
Geez, when did he become such a flirt? She thought.
After a while, they stopped talking, and the darkness in the room swallowed her energy to stay awake. She drifted in and out of sleep at first, aware of the rough hand that was resting against her stomach. His body heat kept her warm, and his heart beating against her back was a clock counting the hours she’d spent in his arms.
Tucked in bed under the safety of her servant, Rin wished the war could end, and that Archer could stay. She didn’t want to wait for Shirou to become the man she loved, because he was already within reach.
—
*Knock Knock*
Rin stared at the bedroom door, her vision blurred. She rubbed her eyes, adjusting to the light in the room. Something was making a light, repetitive knocking sound, but she didn’t know where it was coming from.
“Archer…quit that,” she said in a half-asleep daze.
“Tohsaka? Are you alright in there?” a boyish voice asked from the other side of the door. She turned around in bed to face Archer, who was sleeping with a peaceful expression. Ignoring the voice at the door, she pressed her finger to the knight’s lips and giggled. He was adorable when he was asleep.
“A-Alright, I’m coming in!”
The door opened slowly, and Shirou’s eyes widened. “R-Rin, what are you doing!?” he yelled, covering his eyes. He’d mistaken the two of them cuddling together for something more intimate. She quickly sat up, jumping out of bed and rushing over to the redhead.
“Get out!” she shouted, pushing him through the door.
“I’ll pretend I didn’t see anything!”
“It’s not what you think, you idiot!” She slammed the door behind him, her face bright red.
When she turned around, Archer was sitting on the edge of the bed, chuckling. She crossed her arms and looked at him with a stern expression.
“I warned you not to get too serious with me under Shirou’s roof,” he commented. A confident smirk was painted on his face, and although he was teasing her, Rin couldn’t help but smile. She shook her head with a laugh and went to her servant.
"About last night, I forgot to answer your question," she said. He raised his eyebrow at her. "What makes you different from Shirou...is just how you make me feel. It's nothing complicated."
He nodded, content with her answer.
“I love you, Emiya,” she said, planting a kiss on his forehead. Her servant smiled softly, the expression of a warrior who’d found peace after so many years in battle.