Chapter Text
Bob was lounging on the couch in the mail room as he played with his switch, another one of Valentina’s gifts to keep them from telling the world that they were actually just a ploy in he plans or something like that, Bob really didn’t understand much of what happened in the Watchtower when it came to missions as The New Avengers, he just stood off to the side, smiled for the cameras and clapped whenever the crowd did.
He did pay attention to the team, to the things they did when they didn’t notice that he was laying on the couch, or sometimes pressed against the glass windows in one of the corners. Ava usually avoided anything with too much caffeine or sugar. John stressed baked while Alexie would stress eat those baked desserts. Yelena liked listening to 70’s music with noise cancelling headphones in the morning and Bucky…
Well, Bob noticed a lot of things that Bucky did.
How he always made sure to keep the fridge and pantry stocked with everyone's favorite snacks, how he would make gentle suggestions at Alexei and John when they didn’t know how a piece of new tech worked. How, no matter how tired he was, he always let everyone pick the most comfortable spots on the couch before taking a seat himself.
Bob also noticed more subtle things, like the way his shoulders tensed when someone mentioned Sam and their ongoing trademark dispute, how he flinched whenever someone slammed a door or a cabinet. How he avoided sitting on anything that was made of metal. How he always wore long sleeves and a glove on his left hand whenever they went out.
And Bob also noticed how Bucky looked at him whenever he thought that he was sleeping or distracted with his videogames. And Bob noticed that because he also looked at Bucky.
Bob never said anything though, and Bucky didn’t either. So he just pushed those thoughts away and did his best to not stare too long at the other man whenever they were in the same room together. A task that was hard to do as, as of recently, the two of them had been running into each other more often, usually just being the two of them in the room. It was hard to avoid looking at someone when they were the only other person in the room and was currently talking at you and waving a hand at you and-
Shit, Bucky had entered the living room at some point and Bob didn’t even notice, too focused on thinking about the man that was currently looking at him with a concerned expression. For a moment, Bob considered that maybe one of his powers was summoning someone just by thinking of them.
“Bob… are you okay?” Bucky said, or actually he might have repeated that as he sounded slightly frustrated and his concerned expression got even more pronounced.
“Yeah… I uhm- I’m fine, totally fine, not thinking about anyone. Or anything! I meant anything… I wasn’t thinking about anything. Because I don’t really have a reason to think of anyone. ‘Cuz that would just be weird, to not consider and think of other people. And you guys are other people! So I think about you. Well, not you you, I meant you guys, plural… since uh … we are roommates and all.” Bob stumbled over his words, feeling increasingly frustrated the more he stopped, especially as that didn’t make Bucky’s concerned expression go away.
“Bob, I don’t want to sound like an asshole here, but that doesn’t sound like you are fine.” Bucky said as he took a few steps closer, crossing his arms over his chest as his frown deepened even more. “Also, you look all red, maybe you have a fever?”
Bob groaned and looked down, hiding his face in his hands as he rested his elbows in his knees, he could hear Bucky sigh and shuffle in front of him, and for a moment Bob though that his extreme awkwardness had caused the man to just leave him to panic internally. That wasn’t the case though, as he suddenly felt two hands hold his own, one cold metal and the other one warm flesh. Bucky pulled Bob’s hands away, allowing him to see that the man was now kneeling in front of him, his expression softer this time.
“Hey, I’m sorry.” Bucky started, and Bob was about to open his mouth to protest, to say that Bucky had nothing to apologize for, that the one that made this social interaction awkward was him. But before he could even utter a word, Bucky was shaking his head at him, which made Bob close his mouth and just listen to him. “I do have to apologize. I know how much pressure the team has been putting on you to take control over the Void, and how you still struggle with it because of your memories, I get it.”
Bob nodded at Bucky, he knew that the man really got it, maybe, out of all the people in the team, he was the one that shared a similar experience with. Signing up for a good cause, then being captured and experimented on, only to then be presumed dead, and then manipulated into causing harm to other people while also being haunted by the terrible memories of a past one could never fix. And now that they finally had a team, being terrified of losing the sense of security that it provided.
“I just… want to be useful for the team.” Bob said, his voice coming as a broken whisper, as if saying it outloud would break the illusion that he’d built in his mind of actually belonging to the team instead of being the awkward mascot that turned half of New York into shadows once.
Bob went to move his hands to cover his face once again, only to realize that Bucky was still holding them. Not only that, his thumbs were rubbing soft circles over the back of Bob’s hand, the action feeling oddly soothing and comforting.
“You are useful, Bob. You always make sure to make dinner or order take-out just in time for us to eat after training, you were the one that organized that chore list and then assigned yourself more than half of the chores. You go around the tower at night making sure to charge our devices and organize our notes for each meeting with Valentina. You are the one that is keeping this together.” Bucky said in a soft voice, sounding so deeply sincere that it made Bob’s heart ache.
No one has ever spoken to him so kindly, so genuinely and with that much affection. Because that was Bucky’s tone, he was being affectionate to Bob, and Bob… Well, he felt himself blush all the way up to the tip of his ears and down his neck, visible with the cut of the neck of his sweater.
“You’re not being fair right now.” Bob said as a weak form of protest as he didn’t know were to start to process everything that Bucky’s words made him feel,
But Bucky’s response was just a soft laugh, his head shaking in an endearing way as his hair followed the motions swiftly. Bob’s first impulse was to reach out his hand and brush it along Bucky’s hair, and apparently, in that same instance, Bucky had loosened his hold on Bob’s hand because the next thing he knew, he was actually brushing Bucky’s hair, feeling how it softly hair curling around his fingers.
Bucky looked as shocked as he felt, looking at Bob with wide eyes as he stood still, as if making any sudden movements would send Bob into a panic or to cause him to run away. Which was a fair assessment as Bob had done that exact same thing the first time Alexei came barging into the living room and waving around the new Wheaties design boxes with their pictures on it.
“I uhh…” Bob pulled both of his hands back, drawing his legs close to his chest and tried to take as little of space as possible as he stared at a still shocked Bucky. “Shouldn’t have done that…” Bob said in a soft voice, a whisper that was barely there and that Bucky wouldn’t have probably been able to hear it if he didn’t have super soldier hearing.
“Bob it’s-” Bucky was cut off by Bob shaking his head and scrambling to climb over the back of the couch and rushing back to his room. Closing the door behind him and making sure it’s locked. His back was pressed to the door and he slowly slid down until he was sitting on the floor, trying to even out his breathing as he closed his eyes and his brain replayed the last few seconds of his interaction with Bucky.
The way Bucky’s pupils dilated just a fraction more when Bob placed his hand on his hair. The way that the corners of his lips ticked upwards, how his breath hitched just minutely. And how every single cell in his whole body yearned to know how those lips felt pressed against his own, how would the kiss feel, if Bucky would bite his bottom lip to deepen the kiss. If his hands would trail down to hold Bob closer, so they could press together and-
“I am so fuuucked-” Bob groaned, thumping his head against the door and forcing his eyes open, forcing himself to look at the boring ceiling instead of letting his mind wonder to those scenes. “Cucumber, cucumber, cucumber -” Bob repeated the word as if it was his own personal mantra, hoping that the trick to rewire his brain and avoid him sneezing would also work to avoid getting an extremely inappropriate erection.
After a few very long minutes, and him repeating at least thirteen types of vegetables ten times eachBob sighed and forced himself up from the floor, his socked covered feet shuffling on the floor as he walked towards his bed, pulling his bracelet supplies from under his bed as he carefully picked a few colors and started making a new one.
Bob wasn’t good with words, he always got them confused, they got twisted and scrambled in his head and they came out of order right when he needed them to make sense. But he was good with his hands, he was good with repetitive movements. He was good with giving himself a task and working on it until it was done. At least he was good at it now that he was sober.
Bob was going to show Bucky how he felt, and all he could do was hope that Bucky felt the same way.