Chapter Text
Baby please
It's the way you speak
Forming words so easily
And I think of the way you think
It keeps me from falling asleep
In that grave I call a bed
Until you called me up and said
Touya lays in his bed, thinking of tenko. He’s been doing that a lot lately, laying awake at night thinking of tenko, his rambles about video games, about art, about stars and the galaxy, about everything and nothing at the same time. He thinks of his crimson eyes and how much they express. Touya has been friends with tenko for about 3 years now, he can tell every emotion tenko might be feeling just by looking at his eyes. The happiness in them when he finishes a painting or a new level in a video game, the confusion in them when Touya “jokingly” flirts with him, the concern in them when he sees Touya with new burns on his body and the fear in them wherever his father is concerned, Touya recognises each and every one of these by heart.
Tenko who started as just a classmate, then a friend, had turned into an escape- no a medicine for Touya, which soothed the pain that this house caused him each day he spent there. He just always knew the right thing to say, to make Touya feel a little less like dying or running away. Touya genuinely believes if it weren’t for tenko he would’ve ran away from home a while ago. And thus, it was simply natural for Touya to be thinking about tenko all the time, atleast that’s what he told himself.
Suddenly his phone rang and he felt as if tenko had read his thoughts all the way from his room a block away. He quickly picked up the phone with a beaming smile on his face, happy to hear his voice, but the smile soon fell as he realised that tenko was crying.
"I haven't stopped crying
My father's been drinking
I need a place to stay
I don't want to be here
He's saying the words that
He promised he would never say
That liquid he consumes
Makes him speak the truth"
Tenko sounds so devastated and broken that Touya wants to run to him right at this moment, but he stops himself because he hears how tenko is breathless, he also hears the rushed footsteps through the phone,so he knows that tenko is running. So he goes over to his window and opens it up while listening to tenko rambling and sobbing about his father. Kotaro was a cruel man and an even crueller father. Touya wants to burn him alive but he controls his anger. He needs to help tenko right now.
“tenko listen to me ok, I need you to breathe with me” Touya gently guides tenko to take deep breaths. Tenko tries his best to follow, and then speaks a bit more coherently now “I’m coming over..please”, Touya already knew that but assures tenko anyways “of course…I’m already waiting at the window”. Just as Touya finishes his sentence he spots tenko and god, he is a mess, his eyes red, not the crimson that Touya adores, but bloodshot, tears still pouring out of his eyes, his bangs sticking to his forehead from the sweat but the thing that concerns Touya the most is the blood dripping down his neck, it wasn’t uncommon for tenko to scratch his neck raw until it bled, but it still felt like a knife to touya’s chest everytime he saw him like this.
Touya wasted no time in helping tenko climb through his window, taking him to his bed, and wrapping his arms around him, patting his head gently while tenko explained what had happened. Touya didn’t let it show, but his blood boiled as he heard the words come out of tenko’s mouth. What crime had he committed? He had accidently decayed a fork due to nervousness while kotaro had coldly interrogated tenko regarding his math scores. Kotaro had flipped the entire dinner table, slapped tenko and thrown him out for the night. But kotaro’s slap was much kinder than his words, he had never wasted an opportunity to remind tenko that he destroyed everything he touched, that he was worthless, the devil’s incarnate, a tool of destruction. Touya could feel how tenko’s hands were tightly closed into fists while Touya held him, in fear of hurting Touya.
And I said "No, it's not that at all
It's that bottle of lies for a troubled heart
It's standing on the edge of a mountain top
Screaming anything he wants
Like, "Look at me, look at me, look at me, look at me, look at me, look at me, look at me, look at me
Because I exist, I exist, I exist, I exist, I exist, I exist"
Touya held tenko’s face in his hands softly, leaning closer into him, “tenko listen to me, you are not what he says and you know that. He’s a cruel man who tries to drink his problems away and takes them out on his teenage son. Some men find power in making others feel lesser. He reacts like this to gain the attention and fear of the people around him and trust me he is not worth your tears.”. Touya now leans even closer to tenko until their foreheads touch, he tries really hard to not get lost in the eyes that are on his mind all the time. He doesn’t know what he is doing, what he is saying. He knows one thing, he can’t let tenko see the fucked up contorted version of himself that Kotaro created, tenko needs to see the real him, the one Touya sees. Touya looks deep into those crimson eyes as he says “tenko look into my eyes, do you think I’m looking at a monster?”. Tenko stares into touya’s eyes and almost gets lost, the deep blue almost looking like a galaxy, but he also sees the look of utter love and adoration, he doesn’t quite understand what it is yet, but he feels it. Touya looks at tenko like he’s beautiful, like he’s an angel, a complete contrast to how his father sees him, but touya’s eyes are sincere, much more than kotaro’s have ever been, so he trusts Touya. Trusting Touya comes easily to him, almost as if its natural and his breathing starts to become regular.
I remember the way you shook
It's a shame that we're not soul mates
'Cause if I didn't know better
I'd say this feels pretty good
Touya holds onto tenko that night, and he feels warmth in his heart when tenko slowly relaxes against him, releasing his fists and lightly holding onto Touya in return. Tenko sobs more into touya’s shoulder, his body shaking lightly. Touya can only imagine the storm that must be going on inside the blue haired boy’s mind, the conflicting words of his father and Touya battling against each other. Touya wishes to any power of the universe that would hear him, that he wins. Touya is starting to realise that the irregular beating of his heart, the way he feels when he holds tenko close and the fact that tenko is always on his mind, might mean something. But Touya could never expect tenko to feel the same way, no one could love the broken mess that Touya was, not even someone as kind and empathetic as tenko. So he held onto tenko, as tightly as he could, tenko didn’t seem to mind, Touya assumed it was because of the state that he was in. He holds tenko in his arms until his sobbing subsides and slowly turns into low snores. Touya gently lays tenko in his bed. The bed that Touya always rots in for days, the one that feels like a grave, suddenly felt very welcoming.
And how could I be scared?
When I stretch and feel you're there
So shut your mouth
'Cause these words will speak themselves
I can feel them in these blankets
And they're surrounding your figure
Embraced in the quilts
And I can't help but think
You're my missing puzzle piece
Touya soon falls asleep next to tenko, sleeping more soundly than he ever did before. He wakes up a few hours later while it’s still dark outside. He stretches his arms and feels tenko’s soft hair under his hand. He turns to look at tenko and feels content, as if he has nothing to worry about in the world if tenko is by his side. It feels like all his pain, fear and misery were disappearing every second he continued to stare at tenko. Tenko slept peacefully, his face fully relaxes, as if he trusted Touya, as if he felt safe with Touya. So really, how could Touya fear anything when tenko trusted him. Touya wonders if tenko knows how Touya feels about him. He feels like tenko should know. He feels, or maybe hopes, wishes that tenko can feel the love and adoration that is radiating from Touya for him, because god knows he can’t bring himself to confess. It should be obvious really, with how Touya looks at him, how he holds onto him tightly hoping to never let go. Touya never thought he’d ever find someone so perfect for him, someone who’s broken in ways so similar to Touya that it almost seems like fate. He gently lays his arm over tenko’s torso, and the still sleeping tenko takes that as an invitation to snuggle up to Touya and Touya almost loses his breath. It’s astonishing how perfectly tenko fits in his arms, almost as if he’s touya’s missing puzzle piece.
Soon morning comes and Touya gently wakes tenko up because no matter how much Touya loves seeing tenko in his bed, if his father sees him there it wouldn’t be good for either of them. Tenko is like a grumpy cat when he’s woken up but understands that he needs to sneak out before anyone wakes up. So tenko sneaks out of the window and touya’s bed starts to feel emptier by the second. Well atleast it has a hint of tenko’ scent, Touya can work with that.
I wake up in the hallway, I'm looking for sunlight
With rays that will cure me of the pain that keeps my lungs tight
Ignoring the voices and feelings that tell me
To get out of this house
I can't make them stop
I'm just like my mom
Touya wakes up on the cold hard floor of a hallway. He’s at home but there’s no homely feeling to it. He vaguely remembers being hit and thrown to the floor by his father for something he doesn’t even remember doing. It doesn’t really matter anyways, sometimes enji just hits him for no reason, or to take out his frustrations. Touya gets up and makes it to his room, falling to the bed, still smelling a tiny hint of tenko from a few days ago. Speaking of tenko, he checks his phone and finds 5 concerned texts from him along with 2 missed calls, shit how long was he out for? He feels a sharp pain in his leg, probably the one he had landed on when enji threw him. Voices start to echo through his mind, various contrasting voices, telling him he deserved it, telling him he’s just like his father, but the loudest one was the one which told him to run, run away and never come back, but then tenko’s face flashes in his mind and that idea is immediately shot down. He can’t be away from tenko, he won’t be able to handle that. He looks at his window and without giving it a second thought, gets up and climbs out of it. As soon as his feet hit the ground, he’s running. Touya doesn’t know when tears started to stream down his face, all he knows is that he’s sobbing by the time he knocks on tenko’s window.
Tenko looks up from his sketchbook and immediately recognises touya’s blurry silhouette through the glass of the window. He opens the window quickly and helps Touya climb in. he doesn’t waste a single second in wrapping his arms around Touya, just like how Touya doesn’t waste a second in hiding his sobbing face in tenko’s shoulder. Without ever loosening his hold, tenko slowly shifts them to his bed and lets Touya sob and ramble about everything, his fears, his father, the voices in his head and his confession of love after which he immediately freezes. Touya didn’t mean to confess his feelings like this, not right now, not tonight, not while he definitely looked like a mess.
And you said, "No, these demons will fall
You're so precious to us all"
He can’t even bring himself to look at tenko so he hides in his shoulder until tenko gently lifts his face with careful fingers with extreme care, almost as if he’s scared Touya will break. And that’s when Touya sees it, the love, the care, the adoration in tenko’s eyes. “I love you Touya, I cannot even explain how precious you are to me, and it destroys me to see you in pain…but I know how strong you are…and I know you have demons but they will fail, because you’re strong, beautiful , kind and smart, and I’ll be here for you every step of the way, every time you feel that those demons might win, I’ll hold your hand and help you defeat them.”
And I said, "I, I can't do this alone
I still need you to hold
So don't let go, don't let go, don't let go, don't let go, don't let go, don't let go
Cause I'm afraid, I'm afraid, I'm afraid, I'm afraid, I'm afraid, I'm afraid, I'm afraid"
Touya listens quietly, slowly processing every word, but it was difficult to focus on anything when tenko was looking at him like that, like he was the most beautiful thing he has ever seen. Touya was never that good at words, so he simply holds onto tenko tighter and puts their foreheads together looking deep into his eyes, his beautiful red eyes. Tenko’s hold on him is a stark contrast, it’s delicate, it’s careful, as if he doesn’t trust himself to touch Touya without hurting him. “I’m scared tenko, I can’t do this alone” Touya whispers against tenko’s lips, “you don’t have to, I’m always here” tenko replies. “don’t ever let go of me” Touya pleads sounding as desperate as ever and tenko replies by moving even closer, his lips brushing against touya’s as he says “I won’t”. Touya closes the non-existent distance between their lips and tenko kisses him gently. It’s the softest kiss ever in which both of them try to pour all of their love. Touya falls asleep in tenko’s arms that night, feeling loved, content and happy for the first time in his life.