Chapter Text
Ten more minutes. Home stretch. It was almost three p.m. and then he had the next four days off. He had plans to go out to his family cabin, down by Waynesburg, go hiking, get out of town, breathe some fresh air after his awful shift on Friday. Maybe do some day drinking. Get another tattoo or some shit. That was up in the air. Robby was just praying to G-d that nothing urgent came in in the next five minutes to keep him over. He was looking forward to hanging out with Jack for the evening. It wasn’t often that their schedules aligned so they could hang out outside of work.
Which was why he frowned when he saw Jack stroll up to the nurse’s station pushing his baby stroller, black backpack slung over his shoulder to match his black jeans and soft, black t-shirt from a concert they had gone to back in the nineties. The writing had faded, and Robby couldn’t remember which concert it was from, but Jack still refused to throw it out. The weirdo wasn’t even wearing a jacket, even though Robby had been chilled earlier on his walk to work. But… No, it wasn’t his army bag that held his medical shit. The black one, Robby knew, was his diaper bag he kept stocked for emergency fosters.
Well, shit. There went his evening plans.
“Hey, brother,” said Robby, pulling him into a hug as Jack stopped next to him. “What happened?” He knew it couldn’t be someone from the ER—they hadn’t had a need to call CYF since Friday and Jack didn’t foster toddlers anyway. He only did emergency fostering for infants, usually when mothers surrendered their babies and they needed to line up a more permanent foster home for the child. And he would have heard whispers if someone had done that down in the ER.
“Apparently mom gave birth Friday and snuck out today,” Jack replied. “Didn’t sign the birth certificate or give them her name or anything.”
“Jesus.” Robby couldn’t really imagine going through that. Hoped the woman was okay, at least. Tried not to judge. Failed, maybe a little. But that was between him and G-d. “Shit.” He rubbed a tired hand over his face. “Want me to grab you dinner? Groceries?”
“Yeah, dinner would be nice. You could join us. Three-day-olds don’t really do much except eat, sleep, and shit,” Jack answered with a wry grin. “I’m only having her a week, they said. Something about needing to do a paternity test, otherwise she’ll go to a different foster home.” He leaned his forearms over the counter and grinned down at a disapproving Dana. “Hey, slugger. What’s crack-a-lackin’?”
Dana mouthed the words back to Robby, eyebrows high and judgmental. Jack mocked her right back, flipping her off playfully. Dana grinned, flipping him off right back. Robby just watched, trying not to smile too obviously as he leaned over the counter next to Jack, their forearms brushing. He was glad that Dana had decided to come back. Was worried that she’d actually quit—for real this time. Her eye was purple, just turning yellow and green around the edges that she didn’t try to hide. She needed a vacation, he thought. Maybe he could convince Lindsay in HR to urge Dana to use some of her PTO… He could take her down to his family cabin. They could get day drunk—Dana was always good for that if he provided the right wine. Was sure that Dana would agree if he took a vacation, too.
Hoped the Pitt wouldn’t go to shit if they both took a week or two off.
“Oh, shit.”
Robby and Jack turned to see Kiara grimacing at them.
“You got here quicker than I anticipated,” Kiara explained, frowning at Jack.
“Eh, I was already headed out the door when Casey called. I just had to grab the diaper bag.” Jack shrugged, unbothered. “Are you not ready for me?”
Kiara glanced over at Robby. “Why don’t we… go… talk in my office. Robby, your shift is over, right?”
“Uh.” He exchanged a look with Jack who was just as confused. “Why?”
“Because I need to talk to you.” She looked… frightened, almost. Uncertain, for sure, before she schooled her features again.
What the actual fuck? Robby frowned down at her, her face completely unreadable, then at Jack and Dana. They shrugged right back. Helpful. “Uh. Yeah, I guess? I just need to do handover with Shen.”
“Great.” Kiara did not look very thrilled. “Come to my office when you clock out. Please.”
She hurried away. They watched after her, staring as she repeatedly pressed the elevator button in hopes of summoning it quicker. She refused to meet his eyes once she got on.
“Well that was fucking weird.”
Robby couldn’t agree more.
His handoff to Shen was as thorough as he could make it, mind still half on what the hell Kiara wanted. He clocked out, gathered his things, and hurried to the elevator, Jack hot on his heels with the empty stroller. Dana gave them a concerned look as they passed, and he tried to give her a reassuring smile back. By the frown she sent back he assumed he wasn’t very successful. He’d let her know what happened—she knew that. Couldn’t imagine keeping anything from her, really. Knew she would find out anyway, somehow.
Kiara’s office was a calming place, generally. It was all dark blues and greens and browns. Calming. Soothing. Lights weren’t too bright, the curtains half drawn. Kiara sat at her desk, filling out some paperwork. Another woman—pale, bright red hair that had to be dyed, dressed in slacks and a cream blouse—sat across from her in the patient chairs. Professional, as she typed her own notes on a small laptop.
“Oh!” The woman hopped up with a bright smile. She closed the laptop with a quick snap. “Jack, hi. That was fast! Didn’t expect you for another half-hour.” She gave him a quick hug before turning to Robby. “And you must be Michael Robinavitch?”
“Uh. Yeah.” Robby hated feeling wrongfooted. He still had no idea what the meeting could be about, had been wracking his brain since Kiara had asked. “Robby is fine.”
The woman stuck out her hand. “Casey Duvall. I’m a caseworker for CYF. Please—Let’s go to the family room. We need to have a discussion.”
Confused, Jack and Roby exchanged glances but followed them down the hall to a small lounge. Jack and Robby sat on one couch, stroller and backpack set to the side out of the way. Robby dropped his bag at his feet. Kiara exchanged an uneasy look with Casey as they sat on the couch across from them. The family room wasn’t dissimilar to the one down in the ER. Robby hated it with a passion. Only bad news happened in the family room.
“So.” Casey cleared her throat and opened the folder. “We had a… bit of a situation happen earlier today. We explained a little to Jack.”
“Okay…?”
Casey huffed and sat back, rubbing her fingers hard over her brow. Kiara looked just as frustrated next to her. “We had a woman come in on Friday and give birth to a baby girl,” she started. Which… Okay? Was nice? What the hell did that have to do with him? “She left a few hours ago, snuck out before we could try to get more information from her. We have no idea who she is, and the only thing we have is this note.” Before he could ask anything, she picked up a piece of paper from the file and handed it over.
Dread pooled in the pit of his stomach. With a shaky hand, Robby gripped the letter. Jack immediately leaned closer, his warmth comforting against his side, and Robby angled it so he could see it, too. It was on plain notebook paper—from a spiral notebook, with all the annoying little pieces still attached and partially falling off. It was a short, simple letter, with neat handwriting that slanted to the left a bit.
Dr. Hayes—
I’m sorry but I can’t take care of this baby. I have to surrender her. I don’t want her. But I’m sure her father would. He works down in the ER—Michael Robinavitch.
I’m so sorry.
No name. No real explanation. Nothing. And Robby hadn’t even known about a pregnancy in the first place. Sure, he’d slept with a few women back in December. Trying to cure his depression with sex. Hanukkah and the New Year were always hard, always reminded him of all the people he lost. The people he couldn’t save. The kids who didn’t get one more holiday, one more New Year. It was also the first Hannukah without his grandmother and it had hit him harder than he thought it would. So he’d gone out every night he could and had sex with random strangers throughout most of December to try to make up for the pit in his chest.
He didn’t know the condom had broken on one of them.
And the thing was… he did want a child. Jake, of course, he would always consider his son, even if they weren’t on speaking terms at the moment because of Leah’s death just the other day. But he had always wanted more than one child. Had never really found the right partner to have those children with. And he figured being a single father wasn’t compatible with being an ER doctor so had just… dropped those dreams. Especially after Collins had broken up with him because he had expressed his desire for children.
And after that talk in the ambulance—
Robby shook his head. He needed to focus.
Right.
He didn’t know who the fuck the woman could have been. Said as much, telling them, “I mean, it’s possible?” He let the letter float to the desktop and sat back, hands folded over his stomach as he stared up at the ceiling in thought. “I did have a few one night stands back around the holidays, early December, so it’s… possible.”
“Okay.” Casey paused, tapped her fingers on her thighs. Robby looked down at her to see her frowning. Jack was oddly still, quiet in a way that was concerning. Kiara was staring at him with an intensity he normally received from Jack. “If she’s your child, do you want her?”
What kind of question was that? “Of course I want her,” he bit out, fighting feeling insulted. He didn’t know how the fuck he was going to care for her, but—Well. He needed to know if she was actually his, first. “Can we do a paternity test? To make sure?”
“Of course.” Casey pulled leaned forward to scribble in the file. “We’ll expedite the results, of course. Unfortunately, she’ll have to go to Jack until we get the results back sometime next week.”
Oh. That was—both shorter and longer than he anticipated. His heart pounded in his chest. A baby. He could have a baby. Just like that? If she was biologically his, they were just… going to give her to him? That seemed… wrong, somehow. He didn’t know how to take care of a baby! Jake had been much older, already in elementary school when he had met Janey. He didn’t have any supplies, hadn’t read any literature, hell, he didn’t even have a second bedroom! He was going to have to move, and get her clothes, and learn how to make a bottle, and—
Wait.
“What’s her name?” he asked, sounding more breathless than he wanted to. “The baby.”
Jack pressed more against his side. His solid strength steadied Robby, slowed his heartbeat a little.
“She doesn’t have one,” said Kiara softly. “The mother refused to name her. We—Kaitlin tried talking to her over the weekend, but she refused. I tried again today. Wouldn’t give us her name, didn’t have any ID on her. Not even a cell phone.” She tried to smile comfortingly, but… It was taking a toll on her. He knew those days. “She refused to bond with the baby. Refused to hold her or feed her. We eventually had to take the baby out of the room because both the mother and baby were distressed.”
Robby’s heart twisted in his chest. He couldn’t imagine being so small and vulnerable and not receiving comfort, care, from the only person who potentially could give it.
She was alone.
She was alone.
Panic seized him, suddenly. “Can I see her?” he asked, fingers scratching at his thighs. He fought the urge to jump up, to run to the nursery. If she was his baby, and she was alone—
“Not right now.” Casey smiled apologetically. “It’s a safeguarding measure. I’m sorry, but it’s policy.”
Fuck policy—
“Hey, brother.” Jack finally spoke up, voice a little thick. “Hey. She’ll be staying with me. You know she’ll be in good hands.” He took Roby’s hand, callouses comforting and warm. Robby looked over to see him staring at him with those deep, intense eyes that always seemed to reach the deepest parts of Robby. He almost hated how much it calmed him. How much Jack could calm him. “I’ll take good care of her. And I’ll take lots of pictures and videos, just in case. We’ll get through this. I promise.”
What did he do to deserve Jack Abbot?
“Thanks,” said Robby, doing his best not to cry. He turned back to Casey and Kiara, clutching tighter to Jack’s hand. He cleared his throat, blinked the heat behind his eyes away. “What—What do I need to do?”
“Just need to do a cheek swab,” Casey replied. “And if you’re the father, we file the birth certificate and she goes home with you. If not, we have a foster family lined up already.”
“Okay. Okay. Wow.” Robby rubbed a hand over his mouth, feeling way too jittery. “Okay.”
Not exactly how he expected his day to go, honestly. But he obediently opened his mouth for the cheek swab, running his tongue across his cheek when Casey pulled away. He watched her seal the test and set it aside. Nodded at her promise to let him know the results next week. Sat, numb, as Jack followed her with the stroller and bag so they could talk to the doctor and pick up the baby.
Kiara moved slowly, watching him, carefully taking Jack’s spot. “What’s on your mind?”
He gave her a side-eye. He knew what she was trying to do. “I’m okay.”
She grasped his forearm and held up his shaking hand. “Yeah, okay,” she said wryly, putting his arm down but not removing her hand. “Talk to me, Robby.”
“There’s nothing to talk about. We don’t even know…”
“It’s still shocking news,” Kiara argued, not unkindly. “There’s a chance you have a baby. That’s a huge change. And stressful.”
“But I shouldn’t worry, right?” he tried to argue, weakly. “I mean. I shouldn’t really start planning things, or getting items, because if she’s not mine that’s just a waste of money and energy. But then again if she is mine and I’m not prepared—I’m already failing her. I didn’t even know she existed and I’m already fucking up—”
The air was so thin. He couldn’t draw in a breath, couldn’t stop the ringing in his ears, the pins and needles in his hands. Couldn’t loosen the band around his chest as the room started to swim around him.
“Robby—Hey, Robby?” Kiara’s voice was distant, muffled. The grip on his arm tightened. “It’s okay, Robby. Can you follow my breathing?”
Fucking box breathing. He followed her direction, but wasn’t happy with how shaky his breathing was. How wet his face was. How his hands trembled. Hated that she saw him falling apart like this. Wanted to get away, wanted to turn his brain off for a little bit. Wanted to stop fucking thinking.
“I’m already attached,” he whispered, once he had calmed down. “I—I don’t think I could handle it if she wasn’t mine.”
Kiara didn’t answer for a moment. Just watched him with a tiny smile. “And you think you’re failing her? You already love her and don’t even know her.”
He hated that she was right. Hated how his breath quivered as he tried to take a deeper breath. “I don’t know what to do,” he admitted to his knees, hating every word that came out of his mouth. Hated not knowing. Hated being so insecure. Hated—
“You have your four days off, right?” She knew that. He’d told her his plans yesterday when she had asked if he was taking a vacation soon. “Go on your hike. Relax. There’s not a whole lot you can do at the moment, and if she is yours, you’ll have your hands full.” Her smile was gentle when he looked back at her. “And I can help you with resources. And I’m sure Jack would be more than willing to help. You have friends, Robby. You don’t have to do this alone.”
Robby blinked at that. That… hadn’t really occurred to him. He was alone—no family, not since his grandmother had passed last year. And his entire family had been filled with single children and those children raised by single parents, due to some catastrophe or another. Remembered, distantly, how his mother had been heartbroken that his father had died in Vietnam before he was born. How his mother had gotten cancer, had died young. How his mother’s parents had met similar fates. How his father’s father had died in a fishing accident and his mother had raised him alone. How that same woman had raised Robby since he was young, after his mother’s death.
He had no one. No family to speak of. He was the last Robinavitch.
But if this baby was his…
And then Kiara’s words really sunk in. He wasn’t alone. Not really, even though his depression liked to pretend he was. He had Jack, and Dana, and Kiara. He had Janey, and maybe Jake. Hell, even Donahue and Jesse and Mateo and Princess and Perlah, even if they liked to pretend it was all begrudgingly. He had friends he could rely on. A family, cobbled together, who looked out for each other.
He just… had to ask for it.
He could. He would. If it was for the baby…
Robby drew in a shaky breath, hands clenched on his thighs. He tried to relax, forced each body part to untense with each breath out. A trick Jack had shown him, once. “I don’t…” His voice was more hoarse than he anticipated. He cleared his throat, tried again. “I don’t…”
“I know this must be overwhelming,” said Kiara, gentle, soft. He glanced at her, and she laughed a little. “Yeah. Understatement. But we will help you through this, Robby. What’s concerning you the most right now? How can I help you?”
Everything? Though he knew he couldn’t say that. He went with, “I don’t have any items for her. Clothes, or crib, or formula, or a fucking car seat—”
“All easily purchasable,” Kiara said reasonably. Which… was true. Annoyingly so. “And if you tell your friends you need items, I’m sure they’d be more than happy to help you. You know many of your friends have kids.” She paused as he squinted at her. “Don’t look at me like that. Let your friends love you.”
“You know I don’t know how to do that.”
She laughed at him, and he couldn’t help the tiny smile that pulled at the corner of his mouth. “What else are you worried about?”
“I’ll have to move,” he admitted softly. G-d, he didn’t have a lot of shit, but he still hated the idea of moving. He’d been in his apartment since he broke up with Janey. There was still a corner of the living room for Jake when he wanted to sleep over on the rare occasion. He didn’t have a second bedroom, and he knew his kid would need a proper room. Kids just had a lot of stuff. “I only have a one-bedroom apartment. Do I need to get a house? What about a yard, or—or room for her.”
“Kids do just fine in apartments. You can go to a park if you don’t have a yard. Also, babies don’t necessarily need their own rooms right away.” Kiara shifted away, leaning forward to grab her notepad. Robby wasn’t sure exactly what she was scribbling. Hoped it wasn’t about how much of a mess he was. “A lot of parents keep the baby in their room for the first six months or so. Not the same bed, but have the crib nearby. It makes it easier when the baby wakes up for the night. So you don’t have to move immediately. You have time.”
Oh. Good. It was a little easier to breathe, knowing that. “What about—childcare? I mean, I could retire early, I suppose.” He rubbed his hands hard over his face, trying to scrub away his exhaustion, his anxiety, the buzzing feeling under his skin. “But that’s also not feasible. I need the money, so I can’t exactly quit.” Besides, he would go stir crazy, not being able to work. He didn’t know how not to work.
“Plenty of options for that.” Kiara made another note. “The hospital actually has a daycare for staff. Or you can get a babysitter, or a nanny.”
He didn’t really like any of those options, if he was being honest. Didn’t like the idea of strangers taking care of his baby. That was something he could look at later. Maybe he could bully HR into giving him paternity leave so he could get that shit figured out.
Another breath. Easier, this time. Things weren’t nearly as difficult as he first thought. He could do this. He could—he could. It was doable, if he didn’t panic about it.
Well. He knew what his first session in therapy was going to be about.
Jesus fucking Christ.
He wanted a fucking cigarette. Hadn’t craved one for years, but—
No. Those were bad. He was already fifty-fucking-four. No reason to do anything that would shorten his life. Not if he had a daughter he needed to take care of.
Shit. He was going to be seventy-two when she graduated high school.
No.
No, he wasn’t going to panic about that. He didn’t even know if she was his. He didn’t need to panic before it was confirmed.
He slapped his thighs, rubbed them, heaved himself up. Snagged his bag as he stood. “Okay. I’m going—I’m going to go to my cabin. And just—just not think about things for a few days.”
Kiara gave him a disbelieving look, and—
Fuck.
“I’m here if you need to talk to someone,” Kiara reminded him as she stood, gathering her own things.
“I’ve got myself a therapist now,” he replied lightly. “My first appointment is next week.”
“Oh.” She seemed surprised. Was that really a surprise? He supposed it was. “That’s good. I’m glad. But I’m still here for you, even if you have your own therapist that you pay a lot of money to.”
Robby laughed at that. “I’ll keep you posted.”
The text from Jack came later, after Robby had bypassed Dana and was crossing the street to the park. He wasn’t ready to talk to her, yet. If he told someone, that would make the situation real. He wasn’t sure if he was ready for that, yet. He’d probably text her when he was at his cabin. Where no one could see him if he shook apart.
Jack: Hey Casey wanted me to remind you that you’re not allowed any contact with the baby until we get the results so
Jack: Raincheck on dinner?
Shit. He’d forgotten all of that, offering to grab Jack dinner, that he wasn’t allowed to—
Robby: I’ll doordash you something. What do you want?
Jack: Sandwich is fine
Jack: She’s super cute btw
Jack: I’m not really supposed to tell you shit but Casey doesn’t have to know
Jack: So you better not tell her
Jack: So far she’s healthy. No complications. Her vitals are stable. The blood tests will come back later this week and they’ll know more but for right now she’s pretty happy that I’m holding her
Jack: She’s sweet
Jack: Like her daddy
Jack: Shit sorry I know I’m not supposed to say shit like that
Robby couldn’t help the choked sob that escaped him. He clutched his phone to his chest, just on the other end of the park. He just had a few more blocks before he was home, before he could shower, before he could grab his duffle bag and fuck off to Waynesburg for the next several days.
He ordered Jack his monstrosity of a sandwich, one with too many pickles and onions and too much meat and mustard for his taste, dawdling at the edge of the park, doing his best to keep his breathing even. Robby shot off a quick text and hurried to his apartment.
Robby: Ordered your stupid sandwich. Call me tomorrow?