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Matthew looked so beautiful in a church lit by the glow of candlelight. He always looked lovely, Taerae had noticed, whether he was being illuminated by the first rays of morning or washed in sunset colors at the end of the day. Here in this cathedral, full of treasures of glass and gold, nothing shone more than Matthew. And then he turned to smile at Taerae, and he became even brighter.
They had first met in Burgos. Taerae had heard Matthew on the phone with his mother and gone up to him afterwards, unable to stay away from the only other Korean he’d met on the Camino. They clicked instantly. First they commiserated about how much they missed Korean food and how hard it was to get by with their limited Spanish and how much their feet hurt all the time; by the end of the night, they were talking about their deepest fears and crises of faith. Taerae had never come to care for someone so quickly.
(“I’m doing this for the exercise, mostly,” Matthew had admitted. “I mean, I’m Christian. But I’m not Catholic. I’m not really a pilgrim.”
Taerae laughed softly. “I’m not Catholic, either. I grew up Presbyterian. But I’ve been feeling…spiritually stagnated, I guess. I thought maybe this would help me feel closer to God, or something.”
And Matthew had understood. It felt so good to be understood.)
They had agreed to continue on together, even though Taerae knew Matthew’s walking pace was faster than his. It made him feel so warm to know that this feeling went both ways.
For the last two and a half weeks, they had eaten every meal together and slept in the same room every night. Now they were only a few days out from Santiago, and Taerae didn’t want it to end.
He had never felt this way about someone before. Taerae had dated, sure, but his relationships had never lasted very long. And he had been feeling so lonely lately, with his family in Cheonan, and him with his little apartment and dreary office job in Seoul. His faith had been such a comfort for him growing up, and he still went to church every Sunday, but these days it felt more and more like he was just going through the motions instead of actually believing. And so he’d decided to do the Camino, hoping that he would find something to reaffirm his faith in one of its many churches and monasteries.
It was miserable at first. He slept on lumpy mattresses in tiny hostels without electricity and washed his clothes by hand and ate food he didn’t really like, and he didn’t feel closer to God at all.
And then Matthew had come into his life. A miracle, like the ones he’d learned about in Sunday school; a blessing Taerae had never even thought to ask for, because he had never imagined that it was something he could have. He hadn’t realized that it was possible for two people to fit together as well as they did. It was as if they had been one person, once, before being torn apart. And now that they had finally been reunited, two halves clicking back together into one glorious whole, they couldn’t bear to be separated again.
If Matthew returned to Canada, and Taerae went back to Seoul, he didn’t know if he could bear it. His life had felt empty before, but he hadn’t realized just how empty until he’d found something to fill it.
Matthew touched his arm gently. “I’m going to find a place for dinner,” he murmured. “Are you ready to go?”
“I’ll be out in a minute,” Taerae said. “Go ahead.” Matthew nodded and left. Taerae watched him go.
Taerae prided himself on his practicality–a T to his core–but for once, he let himself daydream. He and Matthew walking along the Han, hiking Bukhansan, singing at noraebangs and drinking at pojangmachas in the early hours of the morning. Walking the Capilano Suspension Bridge, going to the food market on Granville Island, visiting art museums and aquariums. Taerae had never even considered living abroad before, but he thought he would go anywhere with Matthew. Four weeks with Matthew was enough for him to know that he wanted so much more.
If they did separate, surely they would see each other again. They had been brought together for a reason. Taerae had to believe that. He had to have faith now.
He dropped to his knees in front of the altar and thanked God for bringing Matthew into his life.