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I remember the day I moved to Kieferberg. It was the saddest day of my life. I had lost both my parents in a single day, and had to move to my aunt. An aunt I had never really met. It was a bizarre feeling when I first met her and she referred to me as her Niece. I remember being a little confused at first, surely my parents talked to her before they died… Surely they told her…
That I was a boy?
….or well, I think nowadays I realize I never was hehehe. I loved wearing dresses when I was a little kid. Even when I lived with my parents. I think my papa was concerned but my mama always said I’d grow out of it. I was more comfy in dresses, and when Auntie Loreley called me her Niece, I decided I would just go along with it. I don’t really remember why I did that to begin with, maybe I thought it would be a funny prank. I would “pretend” to be a girl and… surprise her? I don’t really know what my thought process was and honestly looking back I probably didn’t have one. I was a bit of a wild kid, much to many people’s frustration hehe.
In Kieferberg, everyone knew me as Muffy!....well. No. No they didn’t. They did not know me as Muffy and in fact knew me as every single name besides Muffy. Maybe they did it as a prank because I wasn’t….the nicest kid. I remember blackmailing so many people. I would keep everyone’s secrets in a little diary ready to rat them out! Elise was my favorite to pick on because she did sooooo many shady things. She always had some excuse or another that got her out of trouble, but I know for certain she was up to stuff!
I remember when her “cousin” came to town. Rozenmarine. It's funny, Elise could never get HER name right either. She was even more suspicious then Elise was! Honestly I remember being a little scared of her, but even more hungry… See I didn’t realize back then, but I was going through puberty, which was making me very very hungry. I do remember people saying all the time that I “ate like a growing boy.” Which is in part why I tried and kept my snacking hidden. Honestly it was a miracle nobody suspected anything. Well, nobody, except for that “Cousin” of Elise I mentioned.
When we were alone together, she said something that really creeped me out. Something that I couldn’t tell anyone else. Something I couldn’t rat on her for… because what she said was…
She knew.
She knew that I was “Secretly a boy”, as I kept thinking. But instead, she told me it was okay. That my feelings were okay… That she was also the same way. She said that me and her had the soul of women, even if our bodies were male. I didn’t know what to think at the time. I think I kind of thought she was just a weird witch woman. But I never ratted on her about that. Other things were fair game, but I never told anyone what she told me… because it would mean they would know about me too.
That week went on, and I remember her leaving for a little bit. I think I ended up being sad that she left. Elise left too. The details on this I’m still fuzzy about, it's not like they tell me much of anything. But a bit later, I remember the two of them returning and moving in with Miss Lebkuchen in her bakery. Along with the Mayor’s Daughter. I think even then I knew something was up with that group. I think I originally thought it was a Witches Coven. But no, they’re just four girls in a four way marriage. Which, probably would still get them burnt at the stake if they weren’t all pillars of the town.
Elise soon had two children after returning. They were cute! Most people kept trying to figure out who the father was. Though, I have my own theories, considering Miss Rozenmarine was there.
Speaking of Miss Rozenmarine. She became the town medicine woman. Everyone is pretty sure she is a witch, but because she gives people medicine that saves lives, stops hurting, and keeps livestock healthy, they just kind of put up with her and look the other way when she does weird pagan things. They don’t even question why I go to her.
I think when I was about 14 or so, I was starting to grow in ways that made people look at me, and my voice was about to drop. Rozenmarine gave me some kind of medicine that would slow that down. She said it wouldn’t fully fix it, but it gave me more time. She then asked if I wanted more help, which I mean, obviously!
I would visit her a few times a week. And she trained me on things. Ways to hide certain things… and speak so nobody notices my voice is deeper than others. It often felt a little awkward, but all of her advice was really helpful. If only the medicine she gave me didn’t taste like horse pee…
And yet, it wasn’t enough.
While the medicine slowed things down, I still felt… wrong. I wasn’t feminine enough. I was rapidly becoming an adult and I felt this pang in my stomach whenever I saw myself in the mirror without any clothing. The dresses, clothing, and makeup helped, but it was getting harder to hide. I had to shave daily just to maintain my smooth face and I still looked a little too masculine for most people’s taste…
I think by the time I was 18 I was constantly worried someone would know. And by then, I wasn’t some rascally little kid wearing a dress. I’d have been considered a full grown man. A deviant. Somehow Old Jochen was still alive and every day I feared him finding out. I’d be dead. I kept worrying that they were gonna stone me. I wasn’t useful like other people were. I just couldn’t help feeling like a freak always. Rozenmarine kept telling me I looked fine though. But that wasn’t even the worst thing of all. The worst problem was…
My auntie kept asking me if I met a guy who would take me off her hands…
I knew she never wanted me. That she was frustrated with me. And I’d like to say my trouble making ways were put behind me but I think I was still a bit of a rascal back then. It just meant she wanted me out of the house and was willing to “Help me find a man.” And that kind of made me feel odd. Men were fine I guess. Honestly I can see the appeal. I grew up with full expectation of one day marrying one, only to realize that there were some things that a man would notice about me…
Even Rozenmarine didn’t have many answers in that department. I asked her what she does to keep her wives from knowing but apparently they all know and accept her. Which, honestly, sounded really nice, but I don’t know if my auntie would accept me joining an all-girl harem, (Rozenmarine said no anyway).
I kept pressing for answers. Surely there was some way to fix my body right? Sadly, Rozenmarine didn’t have any answers beyond what she already told me. The current understanding of medicine meant this was a dead end. I can look feminine on the outside, but I couldn’t completely change my body… Not with medicine anyway.
I did realize there might be another answer. Or rather, I had a strange nightmare that seemed to give it to me.
He was in my dreams.
I still don’t remember much about him. I remember He addressed me as a fine young woman. Like Rozenmarine, he said I had the soul of a woman. It made my heart tingle. He was so nice to me, and told me all I had to do was bring him some gifts and I could make a deal. He left me a pair of shoes. The same ones I remember Miss Elise having. The same ones from the week where so many weird things happened. I felt in my heart he was the only option. That’s when I began going into the woods. I did trial after trial. Going through horrors each night, but none worse than the horror of never being who I was meant to be.
Oh it was a lot of horrible nights. And I think Miss Elise started realizing what I was up to. She told me I was in over my head but… I couldn’t stop. I had to finish.
At least that’s what I thought. Before I met…. You, Aziel.
You were different then Him and Murim. When I arrived at your realm, you were nice to me. You told me we’d have a feast before the trials. Something new you were doing, I think. You offered me as many berries as I could eat and I think you were surprised just how many I could eat hehehe.
I remember talking to you about stuff. Opening up about some problems I was having at home. Nobody seemed to like or trust me in town. My aunt seemed fed up and decided I was a burden. I still hid myself from the rest of the world. And yet, this sanctuary felt more like home than anywhere else. You even had several other glowing girls which, yes i know where they came from, but they do apparently really like you for obvious reasons.
You were amazingly beautiful. And you might not think it, but you can be incredibly nice. You let me stay and just, talk, and eat, and you didn’t even torture me or anything. I remember you telling me that I looked beautiful and that I was already a woman. It felt really nice to hear. Honestly, just the lack of expectations in your realm, in the woods. It was just so great. I felt like for once in my life, I could just relax. That I wouldn’t be tied to a stake if I walked wrong…
It was so embarrassing that Miss Elise came to save me. Not that I needed it. I made sure she knew, and as you know, I came back the next night, and the night after that and the night after that.
I’d vanish for weeks at a time, staying with you. Living off the fruit of your lair, much to the annoyance of Him. Which, honestly, was even more fun. Oh I remember staying so long and thinking everyone was going to miss me, everyone was going to really wonder where I was… and yet. I returned back to the village and nobody even really noticed I was gone…
Maybe it's Ironic. A bit of a monkey paw situation.
That all the time I spent trying to avoid being noticed, and it worked to such a degree that nobody notices that I'm gone. I’m nobody in other people’s lives. They still can’t even get my name right… Nobody but Rozenmarine…
And you.
You say my name correctly every single time Aziel. And the berries you’ve been giving me, have been helping my body develop into the form I've always dreamed of. It's still not perfect yet, but I looked in my reflection and… for the first time in my life, I was happy with what I saw. I saw who I always wanted to be.
My journey has been an odd one, I’ll give it that. And I never thought I’d be where I am today. And yet there’s nobody I would rather be then who I am, and nobody I’d rather be with, then you.
I’m sorry this letter was a bit rambly. I just want you to know how much it all means to me. The words you’ve said. The magic you gave me to finish the job. I can now stay, I stand as a proud woman…
One, who wants nothing more, then to be your bride…
—------------------
Aziel finished reading the letter. Gazing in front of her was the lovely girl who against all odds captured her heart, holding a ring out. The demon couldn’t help but smile. This cheeky little 21 year old girl. It had been 3 years since she found her whimpering in her domain, and now, she had the audacity to write all that? “Aren’t you cheeky…..”
“Hehe, it was worth a sh- ahh!” Muffy cried out, suddenly pulled in by various snakes.
“I wasn’t saying no. Are you sure you’re ready for everything this lifestyle means? You’d be seen as a monster.”
Muffy couldn’t help but smile. “I keep hearing at church people like me are already monsters… if they don’t want me, then no reason not to give my heart to you, right?”
Aziel couldn’t help but smile. A soft kiss pressing on this girl's lips. Oh, she had such a soft spot for her. “You’re a dumb girl who is very very VERY lucky you amused me long enough to make me too endeared to you. If you really wish to spend your life in my domain…. So be it. So, let's make this official. Will you stay in my Lair forever, Muffy?”
Hearing her name, coming from a wonderful voice like this…. She couldn’t help but wrap her arms around her and shout, “Yes!”