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Shauna pulled away the nail file from her left middle finger and blew gently on the nail. Then she huffed on all of her fingers, to bring them back to life. Now that the sun had passed behind the mountain for the evening, the cold came fast. She began to file her left ring finger.
There were some days that Jackie talked to her, and some days that she didn’t. Today was one of the days where she didn’t. But if Shauna positioned her just right and threw her sleeping blanket over Jackie, it looked, especially in the gloaming, like she had just fallen asleep. Just like they were at a sleepover. Jackie, of course, always fell asleep before her. Sometimes she snored. But not always. At least it wasn’t spring. Jackie snored more in the spring.
Shuana looked at her ring finger, and went back to filing down. In the background, the haze of MTV fuzzed in the background. Low enough that it almost sounded like static in her mind. Low enough that it almost sounded like the wind.
And she was up, filing her nails again, trying not to think about Jeff. Shauna always thought of him when she was around Jackie alone at night. At what they would do to each other. What Shauna would do to Jeff later, when Jackie wasn’t around. But she always thought of Jackie when she did that.
She blew on her fingers again and set the nail file down. She would have to put it back in Jackie’s makeup kit before she left it outside again.
--Don’t think that--
She would have to put it back in Jackie’s makeup kit before Jackie woke up and caught her again. It wasn’t like she would be mad, but Shauna knew what she was thinking. Her eyebrow would raise ever so slightly. Thinking to herself, that’s mine. Not like she did anything about it. But she still thought it.
Shauna stood suddenly, clicking her nails against the wooden bench. They clicked audibly. Somewhere around when it had begun to sink in they were never going home again, she had started filing them into points.
She dug them now into the bench as she felt a throb between her legs. Her teeth clenched.
Shauna turned, first away from Jackie, then back towards her. She let her hand brush against her center, and a throb of desire thrummed through her body. It wouldn’t be the first time.
But then...well. There were still suppressants to go around then. It was different.
Shauna drew near Jackie, desperately trying to reimagine their sleepover, letting herself drift to press against Jackie’s body, asleep beneath the blanket. God...was Jeff free tomorrow? What was it, a Monday? Maybe late, after Jackie had kicked him out on a school night? Take inside of her the dick that carried the ghostly touches of Jackie’s hands?
Or maybe this time she would actually wake Jackie...instead of fucking her boyfriend desperately wishing she were him, sinking herself into Jackie over and over again--
Shauna turned away from Jackie, her face burning. God damn this stupid rut.
She turned, digging her nails into the soft, decaying wood of the meat shed, desperate for cool relief. Her hand drifted between her legs, gently squeezing against her hot, uncomfortable length, but even that was too much. She let a strained hiss out between her teeth, and low in her belly, a throb. She turned back toward Jackie.
Suddenly she was crying; she didn’t mean to, it was like she was on her period, again, emotionally, or something. Shauna had never had mood swings like this, but then again, she had never presented before. She had never been pregnant before, either. She pressed her fingers against her cheeks, and then, for good measure, because sometimes she just needed to make sure, she pinched her arm hard.
Nothing.
Sometimes, during those insomnic nights where she was too uncomfortable next to Jackie’s sleeping form, she imagined that Jackie would stop taking her supplements. And she wouldn’t have anyone else to turn to--Jeff was a beta, of course--for that sweet, desperate release--instead she would wake in a sweat, in the night, and turn and kiss Shauna, tongue sloppy and wet in her mouth...the rest of her dripping wet with slick, ready for her--
Shauna smacked her palms against the cold wood and lept to the floor, digging her hands into the snow, bringing a pack to her forehead and eyes...darkness overtaking her vision. Only relief for a second. In the darkness, she realized she once again had to pee.
This time she stood up irked, shaking her hands roughly, bits of crisp snow flaking to the ground as she paced for a moment. She opened her mouth roughly, her teeth getting sore from gritting them so hard, and she stepped out into the chill to duck behind a stupid tree for what felt like the millionth time.
She breathed through her nose and stood, before striding back to the cabin. It’s not like their dwindling supply of food was going to give her any relief, but she wanted to feel some kind of meat between her teeth, gritty and gnarly and tough.
Mari was tapping her fucking spoon on the pot again when Shauna came in, and sat at the table. What a fucking party this was. Shauna glanced around at the masses of girls, huddled in blankets, blank looks in their eyes. Hell, she probably had a blank look in her own eyes. Dante had described the ninth level of hell as a frozen wasteland...maybe she was indeed there, Satan chewing on Judas around the corner while they froze in their tiny bubbles, wasting away.
“Dinner, bitches!” Mari called, and began to ladle out their fucking pity soup. Best to get it over with and get back to the meat shed, where Shauna could continue to edge herself in relative peace.
Tai came down the ladder from upstairs, and met her eyes. Shauna tried to clear the sour look of disgust from her face, but wasn’t fast enough before Tai’s eyes flicked away, likely searching for Van. She wouldn’t need to look for Van. Oh, if she were here, both of them would know.
Mari ladled out the soup, trying not to draw attention to the fact that it was mostly water at this point, and passed a cup to Lottie. Oh, Lottie. Shauna rolled her eyes as she said something for the fucking woods, before wasting a mouthful of soup pouring it out. She had already choked back her portion, and began to chew one of the minute chunks of meat as if it were a piece of gum.
The door flung open, and there Van stood, the wind rushing behind her in a gentle growl, reminding them how much worse it was about to get. “Sorry,” she said, before shutting the door behind her.
Shauna dug her nails into the table. Even just the feeling of her engorged clit pressing against the fabric of her pants was too much in the moment, now that she had Van’s slick in her vomeronasal palette, mouth open in desperate hunger. She snapped it shut, and dropped her eyes to the ground. In desperation, she plugged her nose, and just sucking air in through gritted teeth was almost too much as well. Hunched over like this, her back began to protest, her lower abdomen pressing uncomfortably. She was jerked out of her reverie by a voice. Fucking Misty.
“There’s a little bit of soup still left,” Misty commented. “Maybe...Shauna, for the baby...”
Shauna felt her eyes roll shut as she rubbed her back. Every part of her hurt. She did not give a fuck about anything. Biting back a scathing whatever, she instead shrugged, and turned her face away from Misty.
Something tickled her throat, a new feeling, a new pheromone. Was Van reaching the point where it was so bad the betas could sense her now? No, things hadn’t gotten that dire. She opened her mouth and inhaled, slowly turning away from Van, and away from Tai. They were accounted for. There was something new that hadn’t been, yet.
Things happened very quickly.
There was commotion around her, but Lottie’s pheromone hit Shauna’s palette, and it was just too much for her to handle on top of everything else. Tai, she could understand. They had a relationship. If Van hadn’t been there, Shauna would pair with Tai and would be fine with it and maybe could even work with it to a certain extent. But obviously Tai and Van would pair, and Shauna would edge herself in the meat shed. Easy.
If Lottie was presenting...
Shauna felt her clit throb in desperation, but even still, she felt a bolt of rage rise from deep within her gut and burst out between her teeth, mixing with a whine. Shauna stepped back, face burning red at the sound she had just let out.
She watched in slow motion, her brain moving at twice the speed of everyone around her, as Lottie fell to the floor and everyone tried to do the wrong thing. Even her own body moved against her wishes in its desperation.
“You have got to be kidding me. She’s presenting,” Tai let out, and somewhere in the back of Shauna’s vision they were on the ground, but Shauna watched in horror as she was drawn instinctively toward Van now that Tai was dispensed and nothing stood in her way. Shauna and Van had no relationship whatsoever, but no relationship was still better than the resentment and frustration she felt boiling over her at the thought of pairing with Lottie. With Lottie, who kept trying to fucking touch her child and council her. And do weird rituals. It was one thing to do rituals at a sleepover, another to do them starving in the wilderness. Without Jackie.
Yeah, Van was better than that.
Out of nowhere Tai careened in front of her. “Don’t touch her!” Tai was between them again as Ben tried to desperately regain control of the situation as it spiraled. In a burst of anger, Shauna threw her bowl as hard as she could against the wall, feeling a small tinge of satisfaction as it flew across the floor with a crack.
With even less control that the semblance of it Shauna had, Lottie lurched to her feet. Standing next to her, Shauna heard her let out a low growl.
Deep in her gut, she knew what was going to happen. In response, she felt a slight ease in the tension spiraling behind her low abdomen. A flush of blood rose in her face as she felt ashamed of her instinctual desire.
Lottie! Of all people!
She watched as Tai held her hand out between Lottie and herself, and watched Lottie stupidly try to lunge past her. She felt a strange sense of pity; she had just presented and couldn’t get a grip on herself.
Shauna remembered when her body had undergone the physical changes associated with rut. She knew how desperate Lottie felt right then. She felt it too; only she had had a couple of days to get a grip on it.
Tai, of course, shoved Lottie to the floor, and it was here Ben managed to interject from the floor. When had he fallen down?
“Enough!” Ben said as he struggled to his feet. “Shauna, Lottie, Tai and Van are paired.”
“Like that makes a difference now,” Misty let out, for a second Shauna imagined wrapping her hands around Misty’s throat. “Van’s too far in heat. Any Alpha would present at this stage.”
Fucking pheromones. Fucking pregnancy. Fucking hell. There was no break, and Shauna felt her lip instinctively tremble. Tai was immediately at her side as she looked up at the ceiling, desperately trying not to cry in front of everyone. She reached out, rubbing Tai’s arms. She needed her to know. “Tai,” she breathed, and Tai met her eyes. She knew. Of course she knew. She always knew. “You know I wouldn’t be like this if Jackie hadn’t--”
“I know,” Tai said, in that matter-of-fact voice that was gentle in the moment. Neutral. Understanding. Shauna’s eyes squeezed shut, and fluttered open. Tai was barely whispering her words. “Did you ever...? When she was...?”
Shauna shook her head. Stupid question, but Tai was allowed to ask it. “She was on suppressants...” Shauna didn’t say how many times she had thought of it.
She was pulled away from Tai’s face by Lottie’s nails scrabbling at the floor...desperately trying to rise from beneath Mari holding her down.
Shauna turned away, turned away from the momentary possibility of pairing with Tai, a hopeless possibility she had nevertheless entertained. When Tai looked at her, she was the only girl in the world.
Shauna held out her hand and Lottie rose. She locked eyes with Lottie’s deep, brown eyes, her bangs long enough that she constantly had to brush them out of her eyes. The last time they had been that long Nat had dared Jackie to cut Lottie’s bangs at a sleepover, and she did it after taking a shot of fireball in a game of truth or dare.
She looked pretty good in the end.
Shauna led her by the hand outside into the cold evening air, and the world snapped like the shutter of a camera, the calendar rewinding, pages flipping backward in time. Before Shauna was pregnant. Before the crash. Before even nationals.
They were on the field again, a late evening practice. A one-v-one. Lottie stood beside her, facing a soccer ball, tiny in the distance. When Coach made middies one-v-one, he would set the ball in the center and make them start all the way at the goal line. You had to sprint to get the ball first.
Shauna couldn’t tell if the sharp noise that sounded in her ear was the whistle, or some convoluted noise coming from her own throat. All she knew was that she was running, and Lottie was running too.
Lottie had longer legs, but Shauna was scrappier. She felt Lottie’s five foot ten form crash into her, her teeth clacking together as her body jerked. Shauna was used to this, though, and stood her ground, her legs tangling in Lottie’s, tripping her in exchange for the body check. They both went down, and scrabbled for the ball.
They took off running down the field, each trying to kick it away from each other.
Shauna snapped back to the present, their shoulders running hard into each other, and Shauna let out a bark, feeling a throb of desire course through her body. She met Lottie’s eyes, and saw her teeth stretched into a crazy grin. She met Shauna’s eyes, laughed, and let out a howl.
So it’s said, though who would possibly know what with suppressants widely available at every pharmacy, there were some alphas that presented so strongly, their body hair and nails would grow thicker. Shauna saw Lottie once again wearing Laura Lee’s old beige dress, she hadn’t bothered putting on shoes or even a sweater. Her bare feet pounded the ground, the muscle in her long arms bunching as they pumped, fueling the sprinting movement in her feet. Thick black hair spiraled along her shins, down her forearms. Had it always been that thick?
Shauna slide tackled the ball, and Lottie went careening over her leg. Her arms grabbed Shauna’s, and the two of them tumbled head over heels into each other, the world going upside down. The ball careened out of their shared fiction, and they were in reality again.
Shauna landed on top, and they gazed at each other, heart pounding. Shauna felt Lottie’s hands dig into her arms. As she glanced down, she felt Lottie twist her torso, throwing her to the ground. Suddenly they had switched places, Lottie now on top, teeth gritted, long hair silhouetted by the moon.
“Oh, hell no,” Shauna said, feet scrabbling in the rocks. Had they made it to the lake? She breathed hard through her nose, abs tensing, and rocked her body up into Lottie, throwing her away. Lottie caught herself on her hands, and Shauna dove into her shoulder. “If you think for one second you’re going to top me--”
“Where’s his father now?” Lottie asked, and Shauna’s face burned with rage and shame.
“He’s not yours,” Shauna growled as Lottie tried to check her again, palms shoving into Shauna’s shoulders. This time she held her ground, and batted Lottie’s hands away as she tried to shove her again.
“He’s ours,” Lottie said, matter of factly. Quick and soft, but cutting. “Let it happen.”
“You’re the one who’s late!” Shauna said.
“I caught you in the end,” Lottie returned. Caught her doing what?
Shauna snarled as she barreled toward Lottie, shoulder forward. Shauna smacked into her body, and they both went tumbling onto the ground. Lottie let out another howl, catching Shauna’s hands in her fists, pushing against her, an immovable wall, trying to force her to the ground. Force her into submission. Well, she was not going to submit.
Shauna tensed her body, arms popping, letting out a shriek as she pushed Lottie to the ground, holding down her wrists. Lottie’s hips strained, legs thrashing, and she stilled, meeting Shauna’s eyes. The moon reflected in the dark pits of her pupils. Shauna watched as she glanced down to Shauna’s belly, then back up to her face. Shauna glowered. Lottie’s eyes slipped closed, and she let out a breath. Shauna’s mouth opened, taking in Lottie’s scent. Their breaths synchronized for just a moment, and Lottie’s eyes slid open.
“Remember when Jackie slept with Travis?” Lottie asked, and Shauna’s face screwed for a moment.
“Why the fuck would you remind me, Lottie?” Shauna asked.
“I’m Jackie. You’re Travis,” she said, and her legs went around Shauna’s waist. Like it was easy, like she melted into the memory. Lottie looked nothing like Jackie, and yet she was Jackie, plain as day. As easily as she had conjured the image of Travis as a deer, she conjured a memory neither of them had participated in.
“What is happening?” Shauna asked.
“I’m giving you the easiest way to make you satisfied,” Lottie said. “I’m not me. Pretend for a moment. Then you can do whatever you want.”
Without asking, Lottie pulled down the zipper of her jeans and pulled her out. The cold air was fire against Shauna’s clit, so hard from their scrap it hurt, and she felt a tightness coarse down her abdomen as Lottie’s fingers squeezed around her length. Pre dripped down over Lottie’s hand, and through her open mouth, she could feel pheromone heightening her desire. There was no going back now. Omega, alpha, beta. It didn’t matter anymore. Shauna would fuck whatever was in front of her.
She pushed aside Lottie’s underwear, feeling Lottie’s own length barely contained by her panties, straining against the fabric. Lottie was wet, not slick wet by any means, but as wet as Jackie probably was when Jeff was trying to make her cum. Well, honestly probably wetter than that.
She let her fingers slide between Jackie’s legs, and her cock throbbed so hard her eyes rolled into her head.
“Let go,” Jackie said, and Shauna roughly grabbed her hips, cock sliding into her pussy.
“Fuck,” Shauna grunted, the tight warmth around her making her head throb.
“Yes,” Lottie sighed, wrapping her thighs tightly around Shauna’s hips.
Shauna certainly wasn’t a virgin, but she had never ever fucked anyone like this. Deep, deep in her darkest desires, not even written in her journal so darkly tucked away she had dreamed about it, and reality was just as sweet as those fantasies, cock sunk deep within Jackie’s perfect fucking body. Shauna let out a ragged gasp, tears streaming down her face.
“I’ve got you, Shauna,” Jackie said, her fingers drifting along Shauna’s cheek, thumbs wiping the tear tracks.
“Fuck,” Shauna said again, buring her face in Jackie’s neck, knees digging into the ground. She gripped Jackie’s hips, withdrawing her length out of the heat and into the cool night air before thrusting back into her, this time actually realizing as she slid into Jackie, the desire pouring off of her, radiating toward her. The way that as she bottomed out, Jackie let out a sigh in desire at the way Shauna felt inside of her, hitting every nerve ending, setting them on fire. Her throat burned, her eyes burned as the tears streamed down her face. She lifted her eyes to the moonlit sky, gasping breath through her mouth.
“Shauna,” she let out, her hands running up her arms. Reality blinked. Shauna knew Lottie was there. But it was hard to tell what was real and what was a dream. Shauna pinched herself again. “Harder.”
Shauna swam up from the haze of desire and instinctively, her hips began to thrust, friction sliding along Jackie’s walls building a blunt, delicious pressure behind her abdomen. Reality blinked again as Lottie growled, her hardness pressing against where Shauna’s abdomen swelled, against what lay within.
“Let go, Shipman,” Lottie said, and the illusion shattered. Shauna let out a scream as she thrust into Lottie, a surge of energy coursing through her body. Her engorged clit began to swell even further. Shauna’s head spun, blood surging through her body. Her nails bit into Lottie’s hips so hard they began to draw blood. Lottie met Shauna’s eyes, her own fingers clawed over Shauna’s shoulders, holding her close. She thrust up to meet Shauna, skin sliding over each other in slick sweat. “More of that, yes, more of that!” One of her hands moved to Shauna’s head, pulling her into her neck. Shauna’s nose filled with the scent of alpha. Had she been an omega, it would have heightened her heat responses even further, made her feel cared for. Here, it made her see red. She sunk her teeth into Lottie’s neck.
The world went topsy turvy.
Suddenly, Lottie’s head was haloed by the moon again as with a twist, she flipped Shauna onto her back, her hands pressing onto Shauna’s shoulders as she flung her underwear away from them and sank onto Shauna’s cock, letting out a howl of pleasure. Lottie held her chest down, her arms bulging, nails digging into Shauna’s collarbone. She wriggled instinctively, now drowning in the haze of just needing her release, but Lottie’s weight was too much on her. There was no way she would be able to take the knot, not without slick to help it along, but the knot brushing against the heat of Lottie’s cunt nearly made her lose her mind right then and there.
“Is this how Mary felt, Laura Lee?” Lottie asked, not even looking at Shauna, and Shauna’s mouth snapped shut, eyes going wide. Lottie glanced down at Shauna, her hand moving from her shoulder to press to her lip. “Shhh,” Lottie whispered, before letting her eyes drift shut as she rode Shauna’s cock, knot pressed against her center. Lottie’s mouth opened in pleasure, breath ragged, her own cock swelling, now visible from this vantage. “Take it,” Lottie said as she saw Shauna watching it, blood dripping from her neck and also her mouth--had she bit her own tongue? Shauna slapped Lottie across the face; how dare she tell her what to do. Lottie laughed; howled, rode Shauna even harder, and in the haze of desire Shauna stopped resisting.
Shauna gripped Lottie’s cock with two hands, squeezing down on the length, like she had so many times with Jeff, imagining Jackie performing the exact same motions. This was nothing like that; her emotions were heightened tenfold, and now her world was closing in on her desperate desire to release into Lottie; to breed her, make her just like she was.
With a shriek Shauna flipped Lottie again, her hips bucking, every muscle popping, and oh, did Lottie resist, which made it all that much more satisfying when Shauna’s stamina won out and Lottie’s back hit the dirt, driving her breath out of her. Shauna imagined grabbing Lottie’s length again, and found her hands around Lottie’s neck.
“Yes,” Lottie hissed, her face reddening beneath Shauna’s grip. “Lose control, Shipman. Lose yourself...”
Shauna’s breath came in ragged gasps, her teeth snapping with each breath. “Fuck you, Lottie,” she spat, and Lottie laughed again. Shauna’s rage heightened. “Fuck you, you wannabe. You try having a fucking baby out here and see how much you like it.”
“Your child needs a father, Shauna,” Lottie said, and Shauna screamed again.
“You wish you were his father,” Shauna hissed.
“The wilderness doesn’t wish for Tai to be,” Lottie said. “It’s fate.”
“Fuck the wilderness!”
“You’re doing it right now,” Lottie whispered, and Shauna’s world shrank to the reflection of the moon in Lottie’s eyes as she released, rope after rope of pent-up seed from all of the evenings spent restlessly pacing around the meatshed; around Jackie.
Without a knot to hold it in, Shauna’s cum leaked out of Lottie, splattering all across the dirt, across Laura Lee’s dress, across her thighs. Shauna’s head fell to Lottie’s shoulder, the raging wave of climax receding. In her limp haze, she felt her cock give another twitch of desire as her pants slid down her legs; Lottie’s own length pressed against her entrance a moment later, and as she looked up to meet Lottie’s eyes, Lottie slid her hips to thrust her own cock into Shauna, letting out unintelligible noises of pleasure in Shauna’s ear, so very close but not quite over her own edge.
It was on the second thrust her own climax took over; barely edging into overstimulation, but Shauna was too rung out to resist. Indeed, it let her ride her own climax for just another few pulses as Lottie’s cum dripped down her thighs. Not the first time she had ended a night like that.
“Fuck,” Shauna said into Lottie’s neck, her body cooling rapidly in the night air. Lottie flopped to the ground, and for a moment, each of them reached for the body next to them; all history of their feelings about each other forgotten for just a moment. And then it was over.
Shauna shrank away from Lottie as if she were electrocuted, bolting to her feet. In the night air, a shiver ran through her body as she picked her way to the edge of the lake, splashing water over her thighs in the mirror of washing herself in the bathroom across from Jeff’s room. Lottie, in the darkness, mirrored her, the gentle sound of the waves against the lakeshore mixing with the gentle splashes.
“Don’t touch me,” Shauna said as she slid her pants on again.
“You know we’ll have to do this again when Van goes back into heat,” Lottie said.
“Maybe,” Shauna said.
“Tai is never going to share Van with you, Shauna,” Lottie said. “That’s not the way it goes.”
Shauna felt her vision go red as she grabbed a rock from the lakeshore and flung it into the water.
“Fuck you,” Shauna spat, and disappeared into the woods. She didn’t want to look at Lottie any more. Or Jackie. Or any of it.
But the chill of the night air permeated her skin quickly now that her rut had ended; and before too long she surrendered and returned to the cabin. Still, going inside felt like too much of an endeavor still. How could she face everyone else, now that they knew exactly what had transpired? Why had she even bothered washing the dried cum from her thighs?
As she sat on the steps to the cabin, a cold, northern wind howled through the clearing, setting a shiver in her teeth. Tai and Van emerged from the darkness. Shauna looked up, trying not to scowl, trying not to look at Van with jealousy. What was done was done.
“Lottie?” Tai asked.
Shauan jerked her head in response. “Inside,” she grunted, and tried to justify why she lingered outside. “I just...needed some time to myself.”
Tai’s hand was warm against her shoulder, and Shauna wanted so badly to grab it, hold it, press it to her lips, anything. Instead, she simply gazed into the darkness. Silently, she stood, and together the three of them headed back into the cabin, the door shut firmly against the chill behind them.