Chapter Text
You’re probably wondering how I ended up here, on this planet in the middle of nowhere, swinging upside down with a rope strangling my ankle next to this Bunta tree. Well, it’s a long story and only partially mine.
You see, a long time ago, when I was a young boy and a Jedi Padawan, about the age of ten, I think, I had this dream or vision as I would call it now. A vision of a lonely little girl sitting under this very Bunta tree, her eyes looking so sad as she held a Brendoki Flutterby - I didn’t know what it was called back then - frozen by the Force, or as I’d later find out, the Thread. The dream was short but it stuck with me as I went about my day; my mind drifting to thoughts of her while training, lessons, etcetera. Each night I’d rush back to my dormitory and greet sleep like an old friend, hoping to see her again. Most nights it was just the inky blackness of space or forgetting the Jedi Code while I had to recite it in front of the class but on the few lucky nights I’d dream of her. The days after I’d dream of her I’d always feel this connection and contentment, as if something were pulling at my heart and willing me to try to find her, as if she could be real.
But alas, I tried to be a good Jedi and move on from these dreams but they were so real and they flooded in unbidden. They were so interesting and not a little amusing; almost like brief glimpses into her daily life. Watching her and her sister eating a sweet treat called “spice creams” and running and playing in the courtyard of their fortress or being chased by other members of their Coven if they were being naughty. Watching her being trained in the ways of what her Mother called The Thread, so similar to the ways I was being taught, but only she had no restraint on holding back her emotions, her anger flaring when she missed a block. I woke up chuckling one morning when I recalled the dream of her twin getting a lucky shot and thumping her in the head with a blue fruit causing her to furiously lunge at her sister; only to then be caught up by her Mother and held in the air as she spit and clawed like a feral loth cat while her sister taunted her about her lack of blocking skills. I found myself randomly snorting to myself throughout the day, unable to push the adorable look of her small face contorted in fury out of my mind much to the annoyance of my teachers and fellow students.
Later that day while practicing with a lightsaber training drone and missing one too many blaster bolts, my Master - Vernestra - noticed my distraction. I felt her begin to search my mind and in my guilt I quickly confessed about these dreams before she could dig too deep, wanting to keep the girl to myself. She sternly reminded me to be mindful of my thoughts and about the rules of the Jedi and attachments. I acquiesced like a good pupil but deep down I’d always felt some defiance; that the Jedi were wrong about that. We were encouraged to feel compassion but what was compassion, if it wasn’t love? Unconditional love at that. I knew I loved her before I met her, this dream girl, and that one day she would be mine, that we were destined for each other, attachments be damned!
Another night, another dream, her sister and herself getting ready for a ceremony that her sister called “The Ascension”. I could almost feel the girl’s trepidation, the fear in the pit of her stomach at the thought of being made to go through with this ceremony. She wrote in her journal and it was as if I was looking through her eyes as she wrote how she knew there was more to the galaxy than this and how she wanted more. How she wanted to visit the stars and have a life outside of her Coven and her sister, how she wanted a life of her own, how she longed for someone to share it with that was hers, and hers alone. Wistfully I wondered if she dreams of me. Can she see and feel me too? Is that why she doesn’t want to go through with this “Ascension”?
Upon waking, I shook my head negatively. I know I shouldn’t want this. I’m a Jedi and I know attachments are wrong. That this feeling in my chest needed to be tamped down. I tried to stop dreaming of her, willing the Force to stop so I could continue being a good and dutiful Jedi, one who followed the rules and heeded his Master’s advice. For a time I had succeeded, waking instantly when a dream would start with panic rising in my chest, not wanting to see what The Force was trying to show me, afraid of where it would lead me.
As the years went by I learned in my studies about Force cults and witches and I knew this Coven had to be one of those. We were always told that they followed the Dark Side of the Force and it scared me, made me wonder if I was destined to fall and I couldn’t allow that. Even if the girl didn’t feel dark and evil I couldn’t let the Dark Side seduce me, so I stopped sleeping for a time, only sleeping when the weight of exhaustion pulled me down into nothingness. And it worked for a while, until it didn’t.
I was eighteen and on the brink of beginning my trials for Knighthood when the dreams started back up. This time though, the dreams felt different; it’s as if I’m there, truly there. It seems the Force was tired of my resistance and decided to take matters into its own hands.
This time I found myself standing upon a raised dais with a yawning black pit behind me. I could feel the cold wind blowing across my robes that covered my head and face as I stood and watched. I saw the Coven gathered before me on the steps, writhing and singing, their hands pushing and pulling the very Force from the universe, pulling it down from the moons aligned high above our heads; I could even feel the weight of their power deep in my belly and heavy on my shoulders as I stood almost frozen in fear but also with curiosity. I saw the sea of the Coven part for their leader, the girl’s Mother. She held her beautiful, adorned head high, ever regal in her robed countenance as she glided to the edge of the chasm.
"Tonight we enact a ceremony we have not performed since our exile," she exclaims to the gathered Coven before her. "We were hunted, persecuted, forced into hiding, all because some would consider our power dark. Unnatural."
She looks around her gathered congregation, at the blissed out looks on their faces. "We were on the brink of extinction," she says, while another witch laughs manically.
"And then, we were blessed with a miracle," she says, looking over to the proud Zabrak woman standing in front of me with a smug smile, and it's almost as if she looks at me too. "The gift of life!" she exclaims as she looks back at her coven, causing the same witch to laugh again.
She then reaches up towards the sky and summons the twins before her. This must be the ceremony of Ascension!, I think to myself nervously but slightly excited to be able to witness it.
The Zabrak calls the twins forward and says, "Come. Claim your destiny," as the girls stride forward and then kneel before their Mothers, raising their outstretched hands, their heads lowered in silent reverie.
Their Mother clasps their hands and exclaims, "What the Thread has tied together, no one can separate." She looks among her congregation and back at me before looking up to the sky as the group begins chanting.
"The Power of One, the Power of Two, the Power of Many!"
And it's as if the force careens from the stars into her outstretched hands as she pulls the Thread from the sky, and I can see it coalesce between her hands into a swirling translucent purple mass as she begins the ceremony, marking the twin called "Mae-ho" with a spiraled symbol on her small forehead after she accepts the vow of leading their Coven should anything happen to her Mother. Once the mark is finished she tells the girl to Ascend and the small girl rushes to the Zabrak’s side, smiling proudly.
The leader then focuses on my girl as she holds the ball of power barely contained in her hands and repeats the same rites to Verosha - her name is Verosha? So beautiful - asking her if she would tie herself to the coven. The small girl croaks out a half hearted, “I do”. But before her Mother can finish the benediction a coven member interrupts the ritual, telling them that Jedi have broken into the compound. No longer frozen, I glance towards the entrance and feel myself melt into the air, as if I'm no longer there physically but I can still see what is happening, a ghost on the fringes as I watch the two groups begin to talk.
I’m confused as I see Knight Indara, but she introduces herself as Master and then I gasp as I see my fellow Padawan Sol, though he's much older in this dream and he's a Knight. She also introduces Master Kelnacca and a Padawan I do not know named Torbin. The Jedi seem to be accusing the Coven of training younglings upon which the Coven replies that there are no children there. The Jedi call out the coven’s lie and urge the girls to come forward and Sol kneels before my girl, making himself small and asks her what her name is and she introduces herself to him as "Osha". The coven becomes defensive and Sol stupidly pulls out his lightsaber but instead of attacking he slowly kneels before the small girl again and presents her with his hilt, and I'm surprised my teeth don't crack under the pressure as my jaw clenches in anger as she reaches out and grips it in her tiny hands. He asks her if she'd like to be tested and she states she would like that. I fume silently in a jealous rage as I see him doing the very thing I have wanted for so long. She is mine I declare and wake up suddenly with my heart pounding in my temples, my bare chest damp with sweat and my breath coming fast.
My fists clench into the coarse fabric of my bed sheets as I bid my breathing to slow, calling on the Force to aid me as I tamp down the swirling thoughts and feelings in my head and my heart. It’s only a dream, I tell myself. These visions can always change and there’s no way in hell he would find her before me. I slowly calm and allow myself to fall back into a light but uneasy sleep.
I’m tired, as usual, and I can’t help that my sour feelings towards Sol linger into the next day and our sparring session. I can’t stop seeing the older version of the young man in front of me kneeling before my girl and I can’t resist letting my training stick hit him just a little harder and faster than I normally would; reveling in the feel of my rival’s anger and embarrassment flaring through the Force as I strike him relentlessly, viciously, again and again, relishing in the feeling of the whacks of my stick bouncing off his flesh and resonating through my arm and I begin taunting him just as Mae-ho did to her sister, saying he should keep his elbow up higher so he can block faster, but where her jab was meant in good fun, I can’t hide the sneer of disdain that rises on my face. Master Vernestra then arrives and calls our spar to an end and chastises me for being so careless. I retort and tell her that our enemies won’t wait for him to be ready to attack and that he should be thanking me for making him stronger. She only gives me a withering glare and orders me to return to my chambers and then saunters off to look after her prized pupil without a backwards glance. The jealousy flares to the surface again as I clench my jaw but I have since learned to cloak my feelings and I know no one can sense it in me as I tamp my emotions down again, my face free of expression. I begin to gather my things but before I can leave the sparring room she looks up from dabbing the blood off Sol’s cheek from a cut I made and calls out to remind us both that we will be facing our trials the next day and that we need to get some rest and urges us to meditate on the Force and to make our preparations as our task is a dangerous one.
That night I settle into a restless sleep, tossing and turning before I plummet down into a void. I find myself on the outskirts of the courtyard, the hallway I’m lurking in dark. I look on as I see Sol and the Padawan Torbin face to face with Osha’s Mothers. They seem to be in a heated discussion when the young Mae-ho runs out of the corridor opposite me, panicking and screaming.
“Mama! Fire! Help! Help me,” she wails, tears staining her small face.
I see Sol start to move towards the young girl as the Zabrak takes an offensive stance raising her polearm over her head and brandishing it at Torbin and he ignites his lightsaber in answer as the leader of the Coven glances between them and her offspring and then back at the Jedi.
“No!” she yells and I see her suddenly begin to turn into a black mist, swirling and moving towards the girl as she begins to pull Mae-ho into herself. I watch in horror as Sol ignites his lightsaber and plunges it into the very center of the swirling mass. I reach out as if I can stop it but it’s too late as she begins coalescing back into herself, the blue saber sticking through the middle of her chest as she staggers and clutches Sol by the shoulder.
I hear young Mae-ho cry, “Mama!” as the regal woman clutches my once friend and I hear her gasp in pain as she glances at him and then to me behind him across the courtyard.
“I was going to let Osha go,” she says softly. “It’s what she wants. It’s what she wants,” she says as she breathes shakily. She looks at me from across his shoulder as she whispers, “She chose you,” as she then falls lifeless to the ground, her child running forward and shaking her, crying over her fallen body. Then chaos erupts across the courtyard, a battle ensuing.
I wake up screaming and flailing, tears falling from my eyes as I hold my fist to my pounding heart as I feel it shatter for Osha and her sister. I can’t let it happen, I can’t let her go through this pain. I won’t let her feel the pain of losing her family, like I once lost mine. The rage I feel burns through my chest hotter than the pain and I begin to think of a plan. Sol was older in this vision, if I stop him now then this future will never come to pass. As my Master has told me time and time again that visions can change, that the future is not set in stone. I began to pace my small room as light began to creep in through the curtains and I know we must embark for our trials soon. My fists clench and unclench as I long to wrap them around Sol’s throat but I know I must remain calm and keep my thoughts and feelings under control or I will never see my plan through to fruition. I throw on my robes and my pack and head towards the Starport, grinning as I see my Master and Sol waiting for me.
I know you’re probably tired of me yapping at this point, but I promise, I’m getting to the point. You see, Sol and I are set to face an Acklay for our Knight Trial. If you’re not familiar with an Acklay, I’d highly recommend pulling up the holonet and taking a gander but I’ll tell you, they’re giant, green, amphibious reptilian crustaceans with six deadly claws and razor-sharp teeth and they are seriously nasty. And hey, accidents happen, don’t they? Sometimes a Padwan doesn’t make it through their Trials for some reason or another. The most important thing here is not getting caught and well, you can guess, I got caught.
Things were going perfectly, we were both battling the Acklay, working in unison, in perfect sync, like my Master expected us to. It makes sense, since we’ve been training alongside each other throughout all of our time with the Jedi. He was once my best friend and I knew him better than he knew himself. I waited until I noticed the tell-tale signs of Sol getting tired before I made my move, to make it seem more plausible. As the Acklay reared to strike I used the force to push Sol into the creature's raised and waiting claw causing it to spear him straight through the chest, hoping to myself that the creature's forward movement would disguise my push as I levitated above the creature and beheaded it, the creatures blood splattering across my robes and face as I descend and land behind it. I watch the giant creature spasming in its death throes; watching coldly as Sol gasps and grips the massive claw buried deeply in his abdomen as he’s thrown about helplessly, his lightsaber falling to the ground. I wipe the blood from my face with my sleeve and strut over to my fallen ex-comrade and slice the leg from the massive quivering body, dragging Sol away from the heaving form, the claw still embedded in him, feigning urgency and concern, calling to Vernestra, but she’s already there. I can tell immediately by her face that she’s seen through my ruse. She holds her saber ignited out towards me and tells me to back away from Sol and kneels down to check on him, her normally serene expression torn between anger and pain. It’s not long before Sol draws his gasping final breath, his sightless eyes staring up into the sky. Vernestra gently draws her hand across his face and closes his eyes, her head dropped in sorrow. She takes one shuddering breath before her head snaps up at me.
“You careless, reckless boy, how could you do this to him, to yourself? He was like your brother! I saw what you did, you pushed him! I’ve been sensing something changing in you but I never fathomed you would ever go this far. I’ve failed you just as I’ve failed him,” she says dejectedly. “I should have never let you take your Trials, I should have known you weren’t ready, but it was my own hubris in thinking you two were so far ahead of your peers. But it’s even worse, I never thought you would fall to the Dark Side!” she exclaims angrily, quickly jumping to her feet and taking an offensive stance.
I back away with my hands in the air, trying to talk myself out of the situation as I have many times before, asking her to wait before she acts rashly, to let me tell my side of the story but I see her resolve as she shifts her arms readying a strike. As I turn to run her lightwhip catches me squarely in the back. A blood curdling scream rips from my throat and all I can feel now is the pain and burning as I fall to my knees in the dust of the arena, my nerves singed and I’m all but paralyzed as I fall, my body spasming and curling in on itself in pain as her lightwhip rends my spine. I’m coughing and gurgling in pain as blood shoots from my mouth and I’m almost choking on it as I see her stand beside me, she reaches down and rips my Padawan braid out of my scalp and throws it to the ground beside me as she disowns me, exiling me from the very Order that I’d called home and family all these years. The smell of my burnt flesh is overpowering as I watch as she carries Sol’s battered body back to the ship as I fall in and out of consciousness, and she leaves me for dead in the dirt.
I suppose I deserved it.